Evangelion Genocide: v4
by Rommel
Summary: Discontinued. Go read the extended version. I really shouldn't have to say that after 3 years.
1. Dispositions

Notes: insert legal disclaimer here. Yeah, yeah, I'm too lazy to write one myself. Now, the main reason for re-writing this is that, well, you know something is bad when you can't go back and read your own stuff without cringing. It also gives a chance to further develop some of the themes and symbols that didn't quite work out. Is this cheating? Yeah, probably. But this is the internet so whatever. I did have trouble trying to figure out if I wanted to publish this as a new story, since there is going to be a massive amount of new material, and old material is going to get chopped up, or if I should just update older chapters as I go. I decided to do both for the sake of consistency.

I also wasn't entirely sure if it would be presumptuous to write a footnote explaining some of the metaphors, themes, etc, but decided against it. I might do so in the future if anyone is interested. Thanks go to Arkiel for the thorough job of pre-reading. Also to Big D and Mike for all the input and the chatting.

All feedback is welcome.

Note to readers: I know horizontal lines can be annoying, but FFN strips the blank lines that I use to separate scenes and I have to put something there for readability.

--Rommel, March 2007

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**Evangelion** **Genocide: Extended**

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Room 303 in the Cranial Nerve Ward was located at the far end of a long corridor, deep inside the fortress of Central Dogma.

Shinji Ikari, Third Child of the Evangelion Project, didn't know what had compelled him to come. Perhaps it was the need to reach out to someone who just might be able to understand what he was going through; or perhaps it was the desire not to be alone—that primal instinct to seek out companionship out of desperation and an overwhelming fear of loneliness.

But more than anything, he wanted someone to talk to; someone in whose words he could find some measure of comfort, that tiny spark of reassurance that would make all the pain worthwhile.

He couldn't talk to Misato--even when she actually came home they barely saw each other anymore and she seemed to have so dedicated herself to her work that he hardly thought his problems would matter to her. He couldn't talk to Rei Ayanami, not after what he'd seen and what he'd learned about her.

There was simply no one else left.

Fluorescent illumination flooded everything with harsh light, reflecting off the towers of medical equipment and the polished tile floor so that all colors appeared to wash out into a white flash. The air was cold, loaded with the heavy scent of disinfectants—the same nauseatingly sterile smell he'd come to associate with the worse moments of his young life. Given its large size, the room was clearly intended to deal with multiple casualties, but there was only a single bed near the far end.

A single bed for a single patient, who might have passed away without anyone noticing if not for the constant beeping of the EKG machine that echoed the rhythm of her heart. She lay sedated, curled up beneath the sheets, her disheveled red hair spilling over the pillow under her head, an I.V. line injected into her bandaged left wrist nourishing her with a bag of liquid hanging from a stand by the bed.

She looked so small as he approached her. Even though the sheets only revealed the contours of her body, there was no hiding how young she was.

Shinji didn't know what was wrong with her. The grownups hadn't bothered to explain anything, probably deeming him just a child who would not able to understand. And maybe he didn't, maybe they were right. After all, he was here for himself instead of for the girl that lay on the bed. The reality of that fact sickened him ... but, still, he was here.

"Asuka ..." Shinji called softly, his throat dry. "Please, talk to me."

There was no reply.

He reached down cautiously and grasped Asuka's shoulder. Leaning over her, he caught a glimpse of her face and noticed that she looked oddly peaceful. Her pretty features, which were outlined against the pillow, seemed relaxed in a way Shinji had never seen them before, blissfully lost to her own sad situation.

But even that thought troubled him—because Asuka was supposed to be energetic, loud, outgoing. Seeing her lying here wasting away was a hard blow to stomach. No comfort could be found in the medications that coursed through her system and kept her from waking. It wasn't sleep; it was a last measure of escape, the only one that could be found besides death.

Shinji felt almost as sorry for her as he did for himself.

"Asuka ..." he whispered again, tugging at her. "Asuka, talk to me."

Nothing. She didn't move; didn't make a noise. And though Shinji knew she couldn't help it because of her condition, her indifference felt like a cold stab at his heart. Had she been awake, he knew she would have called him names, and made his life miserable. He thought that would have been preferable to nothing.

Had she been conscious he would have never come. So terrified was he that he simply wouldn't have been able to gather the courage to come see her. Regardless of how badly either of them might need someone.

He was too much of a coward.

"Asuka ..." Her name sounded hollow, meaningless. She had always been so proud of it. He shook her again, hoping that perhaps she could hear him so deeply within her own subconscious. "I killed someone."

The admission was like an open invitation for the memories. An onrush of emotions so powerful they threatened to wash away all composure. Pain—disgust—anger. All directed inwards. He could still feel on his hand the weight of Kaoru's body ... the bones crushing. He just wanted to tell her. Somehow, in his mind the thought that she might forgive him for what he'd done to someone else would make it better. Asuka would understand because she was the only one that could.

But she would do nothing.

"I killed ..." his voice trembled and faded. Then his heart tightened in the cold silence, and a rush of anger at the uncaring girl crashed through him. "Asuka, say something! Anything! Please! ASUKA!"

He shook her violently, his voice rising to a sharp, utterly desperate scream. His fingers clawed into the thin material of her sheets; into the soft flesh of her shoulder. He felt tears beginning to run down his cheeks, and with a final effort yanked at her with all his strength.

Asuka's limp form rolled silently onto her back. Several of the sticky leads of the EKG peeled off her body and sprang back on the cords that connected them the bedside machine, lying scattered haphazardly on the mattress. The small hospital blouse that was all she wore came undone, her flesh looking sickly white under the lights. The sheets slipped away, falling rustling softly on the floor.

Shinji straightened, his eyes wide.

He stared at her naked body now sprawled on the bed; her pale young breasts exposed to the air, rising gently as she breathed; the flat stomach; the flaring hips disappearing beneath the underwear-like diaper; the creamy white thighs. She was barely a teenager, yet already so much of a woman.

How many times had he wanted to see this?

Asuka had always gone out of her way to tease him, to drive him crazy with desire only to call him a pervert and scream at him, simultaneously offering and denying him what they both knew he couldn't have. But despite the abuse he had endured at her hands, she was the object of his fantasies—the thing that fueled his sexual urge more than any other.

He was only vaguely aware that it was normal for boys his age to have these sort of feelings. It was all part of being a teenager, of growing up. He had heard all that in the sex ed. classes the students were forced to listen to in which the teachers would go on about unprotected sex and abstinence. Nobody ever paid any attention. It was all normal.

Except he didn't feel normal.

And this was no fantasy.

Asuka lay so invitingly before him, more open than she had ever been before, as if she were waiting for him to act. She was broken—the girl that would fight him and scream at him was gone, replaced with a naked body. All he had to do was reach out and ... violate her.

Shinji took a step back, feeling his chest tighten horribly with guilt; the sad expression on his face replaced with one of revulsion.

This was his fault: he should have helped her when the Fifteenth Angel broke into her mind; should have done something other than sit in his Eva, hearing her scream as her psyche was torn to pieces. And afterwards, he should have been there to comfort her, to let her know that she was not useless and need not be alone.

Because, despite everything, they had shared a close bond through their Evas. He was supposed to understand her just as he had here come hoping she would do the same for him.

This was his fault ... because he had done nothing.

As she would do nothing for him.

"I'm...sorry, Asuka." The feeling of sickening self-disgust rolling through him choked his words and a gloomy, heavy silence enveloped the room once again, broken intermittently only by the EKG's electronic heartbeat and his quiet sobbing.

Shinji didn't try to call for Asuka again, and rushed out of her room moments later, still in tears.

* * *

**"Man is the measure of all things" -Protagoras.**

**Genocide 0:01 / Dispositions.**

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Three months had passed since the incident with the last Angel, but Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki was still in awe of the cold manner in which his superior handled himself whenever business was being conducted. Strangely, Gendo Ikari, a man who did not know the meaning of the word compromise, had proven very adept at politics.

Watching from the secret surveillance room next to Ikari's office he could sense more than see the other's contempt for the new bureaucratic pawn the Ministry of the Interior had sent to replace the deceased Kaji Ryougi.

"I trust you have brought what we agreed on," Ikari said, as he turned away from the huge window that dominated an entire side of his office and fixed the man in front of him with a glare. "Otherwise, the purpose of this meeting is merely a courtesy to your superiors."

This was a massive space, with Ikari's desk placed in the center; the Tree of Life, that staple of mystics and alchemists through the ages, was scrawled on the floor, beneath Ikari as if to suggest his dominance over life and death, and heaven itself.

The man he was talking to was Junichi Nakayima, appointed liaison between NERV and the Civil Reconstruction Council, and agent of the Japanese Ministry of the Interior—in other words, a spy.

"Yes, I have, Commander Ikari," Nakayima said. He was athletically built, but was not tall--at least not taller than Ikari--and wore the black uniform that was standard for Ministry field agents. His hair was black and closely cropped so that he looked more like a grunt fresh out of training than a bureaucrat. His features were narrow, and unmistakably oriental.

Gendo Ikari, on the other hand, cut a much more imposing figure. He was broad-shouldered and tall, his face permanently chiseled into a stern mask that demanded compliance even on the most menial of subjects. A short beard closely followed his jawline, and his glasses that lent him an image of ruthless intelligence. He wasn't just NERV's commander, he was the organization's absolute ruler. Nothing happened inside the Geo-Front without his knowledge or consent. It was only fitting; he was the reason why NERV had endured as long as it had despite being surrounded by enemies.

Ikari walked to his desk, his footsteps echoing in the eerie silence.

Nakayima reached into his jacket pocket, producing a small, emerald-green disk encased in a thick transparent plastic which he carefully set on Ikari's desk.

"I must admit I was starting to doubt you." Behind his thick spectacles, Ikari's eyes flashed briefly to the disk before returning to Nakajima. "A man in my position has to be wary of even the closest ally. No offense to you personally, of course."

"Of course," the man repeated. "I would imagine that is why my superiors agreed to let NERV borrow the information on the disk, sir. We are in this together now, and we believe a gesture of faith such as this should go towards easing our relationship. We also believe it would encourage closer ties now that it seems the UN is pushing for disarmament."

There had never been any doubt that the Ministry of the Interior would try to push another agent inside NERV following the death of Special Agent Kaji. Information of the sort he had provided them with was surely worth more than the life of one agent, maybe more than two, or three, or a dozen. But Nakayima seemed like an odd choice. He was by no means the caliber of agent usually fielded by the Ministry.

Since caution was the better part of valor, Fuyutsuki had already sent people to check up on his background and found it impossible to trace him to any intelligence training school. This left him with the conclusions that Nakayima was either the worst spy in the world or had the best cover in the world.

Ikari sat in his chair and leaned forward, placing his elbow on his heavy wooden desk and lacing his fingers in his customary manner. "Very well," he said. "If you don't mind, I should like this opportunity to have you answer a question."

Nakayima stiffened slightly, but said, "Not at all."

"The government has cut our budget again. Would you care to explain why?"

"Politics, sir," Nakayima replied promptly. "They believe it would look suspicious for NERV to retain its priority on their funding program now that it is no longer vital for our security. Additionally, the funds for the reconstruction efforts have to come from somewhere and only so much money can come from other projects, so NERV must share the burden, as it were. After all, it is because of NERV that Tokyo-3 needs to be rebuilt."

"It is because of NERV that the human race is still around to be concerned with money," Ikari retorted. "We are owed more than empty pleasantries."

Fuyutsuki narrowed his eyes. The problem was not money; NERV would take what it needed for its existence from the Civil Reconstruction Council's fund regardless of budgets, and from certain other private investors. What concerned Fuyutsuki was the fact that NERV, as Nakayima had put it, was no longer vital.

NERV's operations, and the incredible amount of power it wielded over all other civilian and military agencies, had always been predicated on the fact that it was indispensable. That had all changed in the last few months.

"We know, and are glad for your understanding of the situation," Nakayima said. "I will relay your concerns to the Council. Unfortunately, without a new budget from the UN, there's very little we can do."

Ikari absorbed that information in thoughtful silence for a moment, then nodded. "Very well, then. For the time being, I have no further points to discuss. You are dismissed. Tell your superiors that NERV, too, looks forward to our mutual collaboration."

Nakayima saluted respectfully and turned on his heels.

Fuyutsuki waited for him to leave before stepping through the hidden side-door located in the far corner of the office and immediately noticed the contemptuous smirk that had appeared on Ikari's face. Ikari did not bother to explain and Fuyutsuki, who fully understood what had just happened, required no explanation.

He took the disk from his superior and carefully examined it. "I can't believe they would just let you have it."

"Ignorance is our ally," Ikari said, a dark curl entering his lips.

Glancing down at the tiny disk in his hand, Fuyutsuki tried to keep the sudden concern he felt hidden beneath the surface. The deep green material of the disk's surface reflected even the scarce light of the office, making it glint oddly like an eye.

"Do you disapprove?" Ikari asked him, his tone suggesting that he already knew the answer.

Fuyutsuki took a deep breath. Though he'd learned that it was acceptable to disagree with Ikari on a perfectly reasonable basis, he did not feel wholy comfortable doing so. "I do not think we should be playing games," he said. "If you are going to use Rei, then I would much rather get it over with before the Japanese or SEELE have a chance to intervene. As we know they will given enough time."

"Rei is not ready," Ikari said. "The scenario did not account for us losing her again. Now that we have we can no longer proceed as planned. Perhaps this was for the best. I was pained to lose her, but Rei had admittedly become too..."

"Attached?" Fuyutsuki finished for him.

Ikari ignored the interruption. "We made the mistake of allowing her the benefit of distance."

"And you think this will help?" Fuyutsuki held the disk up between his thumb and forefinger. "Knowing what we know it is capable of? It could be suicide."

"If properly implemented it will fight itself. SEELE will know we have it, of course. Just as well. I believe that once we put the contents of the Tablet to use the UN will not dare move against us, regardless of what SEELE wants. Fear will become our shield once again."

"Or they will seek to destroy us all the more swiftly," Fuyutsuki retorted uneasily.

"They would not be able to justify such an action to each other, let alone the rest of the world," he said, his voice controlled and hard as stone. "Now there is another matter I must tend to. Have you made the necessary arrangements?"

"Yes, but I don't think she will cooperate. She's become quite fond of your son. And Dr. Akagi--"

"Ritsuko will do what I ask. And we should not worry about Major Katsuragi. She's had plenty of time to think about where her loyalties lie. She is still here; whatever her reasons, that means she is willing still to take orders and to see them through."

Fuyutsuki was not wholly convinced about the trustworthiness of either woman. Ritsuko Akagi had endangered everything they'd spent years preparing for no other reason than jealousy; Misato Katsuragi, on the other hand, seemed to have much more pragmatic motives. She was still here because she wanted to gain something—her sense of duty kept her loyal but only as long as she was still searching. Once she found what she thought she wanted to know, things would be very different.

Both women had made their relationships with NERV, and therefore with Ikari, deeply personal. And while Major Katsuragi still had the excuse of ignorance, Doctor Akagi was a willful and entirely knowledgeable partner. As she had already demonstrated, the damage she could do was nearly incalculable.

"Trust is not something that should be easily given these days." Fuyutsuki returned to his examination of the emerald disk, still not convinced that the Commander was not committing an act of gross oversight ... regarding his subordinates as well as many other things.

"No trust is given," Ikari said. "Only purpose."

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Misato Katsuragi opened her eyes, struggling to keep her teeth from rattling from the cold. Gathering her jacket more securely around her shivering form, she looked down at laptop sitting on the floor next to her and read the screen.

"Searching," she said to herself, "dammit, still searching."

She fought the urge to tap on the keys, knowing it was likely to make things worse. For all she knew it might even trip the alarm systems she'd taken months to crack. She let out a sigh of impotence, her breath freezing around her, and curled tighter in her little corner, nestling against the wall for warmth. Hyouga had told her what this place was, a storage center.

Why it took liquid nitrogen to cool this rig was not a question that had seemed very relevant.

The large room was full of towers that rose from the floor like columns until they reached the ceiling, packed with what looked like servers or hard drives. Cables of different sizes ran from the towers to a central hub-like CPU, and though it was mostly pitch black, all the servers had tiny red diodes that pierced the darkness like faint stars that winked in and out of existence as the machines dutifully performed their tasks.

The electronic humming of technology had become almost pleasant; merely background noise to her thoughts. Technology powerful enough to protect life, or destroy it. Just like fifteen years ago.

And just like fifteen years ago, Misato had watched it happen all over again, and just like before it had cost her someone she loved.

"I am sorry too...Kaji-kun," Misato whispered. She gazed up at the blinking lights, wondering how long she could keep going like this before she met the same end as Kaji. It wouldn't be so bad; probably just a bullet or a knife or something. Maybe she wouldn't see it coming, and the next thing she'd feel would be Kaji, hugging her like he did in college to keep her warm at night. Shinji would understand, wouldn't he?

Shinji.

How would he understand? She was the only one he had left.

The high-pitched beeping of her cell phone broke through the hum, shattering her thoughts like glass. Misato reached into her jacket and allowed her fingers to rub gently against the butt of her gun before grabbing the small phone. "Katsuragi," she said, trying to keep her voice even.

"Major, you are requested back at Central Dogma." Hyouga's voice was flat and emotionless, completely unlike him. Something was wrong. "The Commander has asked for a meeting with the Central Control Personnel--"

"Do you know what it's about?"

"I can't tell you more now. Where are you? Should I send someone to pick you up?"

Misato glanced momentarily around her. Hyouga probably knew where she was, so his question could only mean that this connection was being monitored. "That's not necessary. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Have a car train ready for me."

"Use train 5," the young operator suggested before hanging up. Silently, Misato thanked him for playing along.

Misato put her cell phone away and stood up, rubbing some heat back into her frozen muscles. As she did, a disturbing question came to mind. Why was she still doing Gendo Ikari's bidding? He called and she went running to him as if she were his faithful dog.

The things she'd had to do following this man's orders would haunt her forever. At first it had been simple; she'd fooled herself into thinking it was for a noble cause.

But, in reality, destroying the Angels had made her feel better, had taken away some of the pain. The Angels had caused Second Impact—almost wiping out the human race—and wanted to cause a Third to finish what they had started. It was only fitting that they pay for what they'd done. Then she found out it had all been a lie, and the house of cards on which she built the justification for all the horrible things she'd done came crashing down.

The Angels had not brought the end of the world Misato had been happy in, Man had.

* * *

She was floating in something that was neither air nor water. Something warm and faintly familiar. A coppery taste and smell. The world was flooded by it, the way the ocean floods the deepest basins between continents, between ruined cities. There was no sky or ground or any sense of reality; there was only the taste and smell. Her eyes were open but she couldn't see beyond the orange void. The taste she knew very well—LCL—but why hadn't she noticed the smell before?

And the she saw the lights. She let herself ascend from the nothingness, her body gliding gracefully through the liquid, her back arched as the warm embrace of this new womb surrendered to a cold chill.

Was this what it felt like to be born? Was this what it felt like to enter the cold, unforgiving world from a place of utter bliss and protection, to surrender to the awful reality of existence for the sake of living?

Was this what mother smelled like?

Rei Ayanami could not change what she was. That realization began to dawn within her as she broke the surface and was confronted by the white monster of gleaming flesh, nailed to a cross, whose face was hidden by the mask of steel with seven eyes. It stared at her with a heavy facade that was beyond all reality, pouring LCL onto the ocean from its severed midsection.

Something took hold of her arm. The LCL lapped at her sides and she felt herself being moved across the surface. It was cold in the dark cavern, but she didn't care. Hypnotized, she stared at the creature on the cross, mute and pale. She sensed that it saw her and welcomed her as its own and changed. She saw herself nailed to the cross, her eyes burned brightly in the dark, her face white as the face of the creature, and she understood then that she was the creature.

It called to her in a voice that she recognized as her own, again and again. It loved her and cared for her the way no human being ever had. Then the voice changed, and Rei instantly recognized it again.

"Ayanami!"

There was an incredible roar, like the bellowing of an Eva Unit gone berserk, and then a bright white light covered everything. She had to protect him. He was all that mattered. She had to … was this what it meant to love?

And then there was blinding pain.

Rei Ayanami opened her eyes suddenly, and was immediately overcome by nausea. She sat in her bed, naked among twisted sheets of white linen, covered in sweat, and shook her head. For a short while she tried to fight the last remnants of the dream, and managed to push away the sickening sensations it stirred in her. She had felt them before, when inside the dummy system and when inside Eva-01.

Oblivious of her own nudity, she stood and walked to the nightstand, picking up the pair of glasses that her predecessor had kept there but that had not belonged to her. "Ikari," she whispered softly. "Ikari." She knew in her heart that it was not her whom he had befriended, and who he had cared for. And yet she dreamed about it all: dreamt of dying, of his touch and his words.

Rei looked at the clock; it was time to get ready for school.

* * *

Life had gone on.

Somehow, Shinji Ikari had found the strength.

After killing Kaoru, the boy who had so swiftly become rooted in his heart, he'd made it clear to Misato that he would never pilot Eva again, and the Major had understood. There was no more need, she had said. Shinji had won a small victory against his inner demons that day, a feat he had soon overshadowed by deciding to go back to school.

It was a trial of his resolve to regain his childhood. School carried many of his happier memories, and some of the saddest. Kensuke and Hikari had proven to be true friends by giving him support and comfort, helping him through the worse time of his life. Toji was still in the hospital, but he had it on good word that the other boy was making progress rehabilitating and, more importantly, did not hold a grudge against Shinji.

Now, three months after the death of the last Angel, Shinji rode the Number 3 train to school, listening to the notes of Beethoven's Ode to Joy in his S-DAT. The half-empty car was warm, washed in the warm rays of the early-morning sun streaming through the large Plexiglas windows.

As the train rolled around the eastern bank of the third Ashino Lake, which now covered the city of Tokyo-3, Shinji looked out the window at the devastated landscape. Despite having suffered a crippling blow, there was still a city here. Someone had to work for NERV, someone else had to provide all the amenities of modern life, so while a chunk of the once-bustling metropolis was submerged, what remained kept going. Tokyo-3 had always been intended to be a battleground, people had always known the danger, but nothing like what had actually happened had been foreseen.

Shinji was surprised so much effort was being put into rebuilding.

The Reconstruction Council seemed to think it was possible to bring the city back altogether. A dam was being built to seal off the lake, and pumping stations were being set up to clear out the water. Within months he might actually be able to walk through the downtown which was currently covered by millions of tons of water. The suburbs were already up and running, as were outlying schools and transit systems. People could carry out normal life now.

But life wasn't normal for him. The Eva and the Angels had changed him as well those around him. The memories of those he'd met and hurt meant he could not be happy, regardless of trying to be every waking moment. He would have given anything … he chanced a glance over his shoulder at the girl sitting across the narrow, sunny corridor.

Rei Ayanami did not acknowledge his presence. She was reading a book, and hadn't said a word to him since he had entered the car. She had always been like that, but he had never felt as uncomfortable with his Rei as he now did with this…girl. She was a stranger. To him, to the world, to everything.

Rei Ayanami—the name had become a part of him. She had mystified him when they first met. Her inverted character had earned her a reputation as frigid and distant, but after taking the time to know her, Shinji had found she was a warm, caring human being.

Was. Not anymore.

Rei Ayanami, the girl he'd taught how to smile, was dead. She had sacrificed herself to protect him. This girl was someone else. She might look and act like the girl he used to know, but she wasn't. She wasn't the Rei Ayanami he had cared about, just a similar body holding a different heart, a product of bioengineering, like his Eva, a shell, a thing—

—no, that wasn't fair.

This new Rei didn't deserve to be thought of as any less human than the one he had known, doing so made him just as cold-hearted father as his father. Rei hadn't asked for this, she was an innocent. She didn't deserve his scorn simply because she was created.

Her soft voice, barely audible over the hum of the train and his S-DAT, caught his attention. "If I bother you, I can move to the next car."

"It's okay," Shinji said, pulling out his earphones. "It's just still a little weird for me, you know."

Rei lifted her gaze from the book she had been reading. Her eyes were red, greatly contrasting the sky-blue color of her short, shaggy hair. "Why?"

"Because you—because of what happened. You know, you … do you remember?"

"I remember pain," she said softly.

Shinji turned, able to have a good look at her for the first time in ages. Her skin was a clear white, as if she'd wrapped herself in whiffs of cloud, though some would describe her as ghostly. A petite frame hid under the folds of the blue jumper and white shirt that made up her school uniform, which appeared to Shinji to be the only piece of clothing she owned. The plain looking outfit fit her rather loosely—the shirt was definitely a size too big—and was wrinkled. Rei had never cared for such things. "Ayanami, I'm sorry."

Rei blinked and asked, "For what?"

"I haven't been very nice to you lately. I've treated you like … like a stranger. It was just hard to see you around after … after you died." He hesitated, a warm rush of shame coloring his cheeks. "It wasn't fair of me to cut you off like that—I think a part of me wished you hadn't done what you did, but if you hadn't that Angel would have killed me."

"I died to protect you," Rei said, her face remaining as tranquil as always; had it been anyone else he would have taken it badly and withdrawn. "If you want to blame me—"

"Don't say that."

"Self-destructing Unit-00 was my choice. I did not seek advice or permission. It was my choice in the end, made with my own free will, my own mind. It was the only true decision in my life made from the heart. I do not regret it."

"I shouldn't have pushed you away," Shinji said. She had not meant her words to be hurtful, there was nothing in the way she spoke to indicate otherwise, and yet he hurt because of the awful memories the words recalled. "I shouldn't have let you be alone. You were always so kind to me. And when you needed me I just couldn't do the same for you." He couldn't look her in the eyes as he said this, instead focusing on her alabaster hands.

"Do you understand, then? There is nothing to be sorry about. I chose to die, the same way Kaoru Nagisa chose to die."

Hearing the name said out loud was like a punch to the gut. "I don't want to talk about that."

"I have tried crying for him," for the first time Rei let her gaze drop, "but I can't. Does that mean I'm not human?"

The train made a left turn, peeling way from the edge of the lake, forcing those passengers who were standing to hold more tightly to the hand loops hanging from overhead rails to keep from stumbling. They were plunged into darkness as the train entered a tunnel. The running lights and the lights wired to the tunnel walls cast weird elongated shadows across the car; the noise of the air and the track rushing past them increased into a thunderous roar.

"I have no emotions," Rei added, her red eyes eerie in the dark.

"You must have emotions...somehow."

"Is that what makes you human, your emotions?"

The tunnel fell away and they were back into sunlight. Having left the flooded remnants of Tokyo-3 behind, a new more civilized world stretched around them. Once little more than a rest stop for weary traveler, these sleepy suburbs had grown into a bustling town as one of the most important destinations of the honeycomb that was the mass transit system. This had made it the ideal place to relocate their demolished school.

"I guess," Shinji said finally.

"So, if I have no emotions…I am not human?"

Shinji let the question hang in the air.

"Ikari?" Rei called to him, her voice slightly louder. "Am I not human?" she asked again, sounding concerned.

"You are human," Shinji said.

"The Rei Ayanami you knew before was the second one, was she not human?"

"She was very much like you," he said "You know, you and her are the same, and not the same. I can't really explain it. Being human is more than what you are physically; it's who you are. And she was human enough for me. Like Kaoru."

Rei twisted halfway away from him, her eyes now gazing into the empty space as if she could see something there. "But you killed him," she asked, but to Shinji it sounded like a statement, not a question. "Why?"

Shinji did not answer. There was no point in replying to such a question. Rei knew what had happened, and how painful it was for him to talk about it. "He told me I was like him," she added. "I do not think I understand."

Shinji stepped off the train, Rei following a few paces behind. The crowd was mostly students walking to and from, chatting with friends and acquaintances, asking each other if they'd done their homework then immediately asking if they could copy said homework. Shinji ignored all this. It was short a walk from the train platform to the school, which was a single large rectangular building with an open courtyard and a gym that held a basketball and volleyball court—unlike their old school, there was no swimming pool, much to the boys chagrin.

As he entered the classroom, several girls looked in his direction, giggling and quickly turned away, blushing. At first he'd been annoyed by this sort of behavior, until Hikari had explained. It was because of his eyes, she had said, because of how the pale blue always made him look sad and in turn made the girls want to console him, and because they considered him cute.

Given that neither Rei nor Asuka had ever said much about how he looked, Shinji had always assumed he was not much to look at—in fact that was the exact phrase Asuka had used when she first met him. He'd been totally wrong, or so Hikari informed him. His dark brown hair and slender build was more than enough to guarantee him the girls' attention. He didn't really care for this, however. There had only been two girls whose opinions of him had mattered: one was dead, and the other might as well be.

He took his seat next to Kensuke, who was playing with a scale model of the American B-2 Stealth Bomber. "You lucky dog. I wished they'd look at me like that. Maybe you should introduce me."

"Ask Hikari," Shinji nodded towards the freckled Class Representative handing out sheets of paper to various interested-looking students, getting a playful wave in return. "I don't even know their names."

"Shinji, I know living with Major Katsuragi and Miss Popular must make these girls seem ordinary, but not even you can be this jaded." Kensuke pressed his lips into a pout. "You must have really been spoiled rotten."

* * *

"There is just no way for the diploid cells to divide any faster and not risk a complete breakdown of the cellular wall. We are already beyond anything predicted by the Hayflick scale. This sort of thing has never been tried before—I mean we can study some damn lizard, but the Eva is far more complex organism. And if even there were enough similarities to make regeneration research usable, what we are doing is not regeneration. It's more like cloning," Maya Ibuki told the little pink pillow shaped like a bunny. "You don't happen to have a degree in macromolecular biology, right, Mrs. Bunny?"

"Maya, I think you're loosing your mind," Shigeru Aoba, the self-appointed rock star of the bridge crew said, pausing in his strumming of the imaginary guitar he was holding to look a her with concern. "Has the Commander explained why the big rush? We haven't been on Level One Alert for months. Unit-01 and Unit-02 are still in stasis. And I suppose, technically, they don't have pilots either.

"I'm sure there's a good reason." Maya stuffed the bunny between her sore back and the chair. "We just don't know what it is."

"Seems pretty fishy if you ask me. That boy was the last Angel, that's what they said before," that from Makoto Hyouga, who was leaning against his console, holding a cup of coffee. "By the way, Maya, shouldn't you be working on Unit-00?"

Maya sighed. "I'm on break. I don't have anywhere else to be."

Hyouga and Aoba looked mournfully at each other. "Don't you want to get some food? Some sleep?" said Hyouga, concerned.

"The food makes me sick, and I've got too much coffee in me to sleep."

Being NERV's de-facto Chief Scientist was not what she had expected, Maya had already admitted to herself. She could not remember the last time she had left the Geo-Front for her apartment. Maya had been decidedly excited when Commander Ikari had presented her with the opportunity to reconstruct Unit 00. The project was codenamed Lazarus and it was the first project which would be completely under her control, a tremendous challenge to test the skills she'd learned under the brilliant Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. Cellular mitosis had now regenerated almost 25 percent of the vaporized Evangelion. Commander Ikari had already expressed his displeasure at the lack of progress in Lazarus, asking that the process be sped up—beyond any kind of acceptable limit as Maya had pointed out. He was asking the impossible.

"Maya, I don't think that's very healthy," Aoba said.

Maya truly appreciated their concern. The bond with her fellow operator was one they had forged over dozens of life-threatening situations, and over great tragedy. That's why she felt comfortable coming to them to vent. "Yeah, I know. The schedule is tight enough as it is so it's not like I can really get any time off though."

"If you need more help, feel free to take Haruna over there." Aoba flicked a thumb at a dark haired female operator further down the bridge.

"I don't know anything about biology," Haruna called out, then her voice turned sarcastically sweet, "but thanks for volunteering me for extra work, dipshit."

Hyouga laughed, slapping Aoba lightheartedly on the back. "And she loves you, you say?"

Haruna's wit was totally lost on Maya. "It's not a personnel issue. Half the payroll could volunteer and it wouldn't do any good. I'm the only one with the expertise—other than Doctor Akagi, I mean."

"That is very true."

Doctor Akagi's voice.

Maya was on her feet before the faux-blonde doctor, the genius behind NERV, could come to a stop in front of the small group of operators, her look of utter astonishment shared by everyone.

It fell to Hyouga to ask the obvious. "D-Doctor Akagi? What are you …"

"There's too much that needs doing," Ritsuko Akagi said, seeming oblivious to the fact that every eye in bridge was focused intently on her. "So much, in point of fact, that my services are required once again. As Maya said, there isn't anyone else. I've been granted a reprieve." She turned to Hyouga. "Hyouga, I'm going to need some equipment."

Maya felt a cold knot form in her stomach. "Ma'am, what about Lazarus?"

"Lazarus is your responsibility. If you wish I can provide you with some advice, but I've got other things to keep me busy at the moment. I know you've been having problems with rate of mitosis—I read the reports," she added at Maya's incredulous look. "I'll see what can be done to speed things up a bit."

Maya didn't know what to say; Ritsuko was truly a godsend. Suddenly she wanted to throw her arms around her boss in a hug. "Ma'am, I don't …"

"Do you want the help or not, Maya?"

* * *

The sun had turned the sky a furious orange by the time Shinji got home from school. The elevator was slow and smooth. Whoever did maintenance on it apparently didn't care that very few people used it and still did a good of keeping it up. He swiped his key on the lock automatically.

The first time he had crossed this door he'd hesitated. He'd never had a home—yes, he'd lived with relatives but it was hardly home—and here was this kind stranger, a pretty dark-haired woman, offering her home to him; he couldn't refuse but that didn't mean he couldn't have doubts about sharing such intimacy with someone he hardly knew.

Shinji removed his shoes at the entrance, throwing down his book bag next to them.

The apartment's layout was simple enough, a kitchen just inside the door with an adjacent bathroom, a large living room which led immediately to the master bedroom and the terrace, and down a short corridor to the second bedroom and a closet. When he'd first moved in he'd taken the smaller room, but when Asuka had arrived he'd been moved to the closet across the hall.

He hadn't complained—he didn't own that much stuff and Asuka owned piles. She needed the space more than he did. He could have moved back, certainly; Asuka had been in the hospital for ages and was not likely to return.

"I'm home, Misato," he called as he entered the kitchen, not expecting her to be there.

The untidy wooden table and chairs made navigating the cramped space tricky. As he came around, Shinji frowned at the sight of a girl's school uniform neatly hanging from the back of one of the chairs.

Carefully, he picked up the thin bit of red ribbon the girls wore tied around the collars of their shirts from where it had been set and examined it. Why was this here? Had Misato decided to clear Asuka's stuff? No. The uniform was clean, freshly pressed—not the sort of thing that would have been hanging in a closet gathering dust for months.

Then why?

"I wanted to tell you."

Shinji looked up and saw Misato standing under the doorway leading to the rest of the apartment. Her dark eyes looked him over then dropped to the uniform. She seemed tired; her expression was one of concern. "Asuka is being released in a few days."

"Really?" Shinji could not fight the smile that crept over his features. "Is she cured?" he asked eagerly. "Is she doing okay?"

"She's ... better." Misato did not look at him. "I thought maybe you would like to come with me to the hospital when I get her. I know she'd appreciate it."

"Sure," Shinji said, but Misato's strangely evasive gaze finally got his attention. Whenever they got a chance to talk she always seemed happy to see him, even if she wasn't feeling particularly upbeat; she always made an effort so the few moments they spent together were enjoyable. She would at least look at him. "Misato? Is there something wrong? With Asuka?"

Misato sighed, leaning heavily against the door frame. "Not with Asuka. It's ... " Her face became hard, determined, and she took a deep breath. "There's no easy way for me to say this so I'll just say it: I need you to pilot Eva again."

Shinji let the ribbon slip from his hand.

Misato quickly added, "I know I promised you wouldn't have to, but the Commander thinks there are more Angels on the way so we have to be ready."

"But you promised." Anger came suddenly over him, strong and unwelcome. It was like a burning wave that washed over him, a rush of emotion that swallowed everything in its path. "You promised!"

Misato shook her head. "I know I did, Shinji. Believe me. If there were anything else I could do--"

"You promised!"

"I know. I'm sorry." Misato's voice was soft. "I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough!" The words were out almost as soon as Shinji had thought them. Somewhere in the back of his mind there was a whisper of restraint, that part of him that felt he owed Misato the chance to explain. He ignored it. "Every time I get in that thing someone gets hurt! Toji. Rei. Asuka. And … Kaworu. Every time! How can you ask me to go back? Don't you understand what it feels like? Don't you? Being sorry is not good enough! That doesn't make it better. It doesn't take the pain away. You are not the one that has to deal with it!"

"Shinji, I've tried to understand—I really have—but your father—this is his order."

"He can't make me!" Shinji bellowed. "And neither can you. I don't care if you have orders. You're a monster just like my father!"

As that last accusation left his lips he knew he had just crossed a line in the sand. It was a horrible thing to say, especially to someone who moments before he had been convinced cared about him.

Her widening eyes shimmered on the verge of tears and she was taken aback. In his anger he was glad that he could hurt her so deeply merely with words.

"You are right," Misato tried to keep her voice from quivering, succeeding only just barely, "I can't make you. But you are a man. And some times men have to do things they don't like because they are the right things, because people depend on them. Your choices affect more than just you. Your words—" she stopped and for a moment seemed unable to gather her thoughts "—Shinji, I don't want to hurt you. I'm not …"

But Shinji was not listening anymore.

"You are a monster!"

That was the end and Misato recognized it. Nothing she could say would change his mind and she knew it. No matter how she tried to justify her breaking her promise, he would not accept it. He would not pilot Eva again. Visibly deflated, she just nodded and swallowed further argument.

Shinji didn't watch her retreat, instead picking the little ribbon off the floor and dropping, exhausted and betrayed, on the nearest chair, laying his head into his hands.

* * *

Misato descended the last few rungs of the ladder onto the deck were Ritsuko was setting up her diving gear. "Need a hand there, Doctor Akagi?"

Ritsuko looked up from her work with one of the regulators on the air tanks as her friend adjusted her hardhat, walking towards her. "You don't know how to dive."

"I can hold your coat or something," Misato said, sitting on the edge of the deck, letting her legs dangle over the side. She looked into the LCL filling most of the deep compartment beneath her feet and could clearly see the emaciated shape of Unit-00. It was just a torso, one arm, and a head, surrounded by all kinds and gauges of cables and piping tangled in a rather grotesque morass. Without its armor, it looked like a skeleton, a humanoid thing seemingly half-exhumed. "Lovely, isn't it?" she commented sarcastically.

"Who is to say Man doesn't look just as abhorrent to God," Ritsuko replied.

"God created Man in his image. To find Man abhorrent, God would to have to abhor himself."

"And Man created Eva in his." Ritsuko straightened up, removing her lab coat; she was wearing a dark, one-piece swimsuit underneath. Misato took her coat off the floor and draped it over her lap. "Thank you," Ritsuko said.

"No problem. I like feeling useful. What are you doing down here, anyway?"

"Taking samples. Unit-00's body is much too frail to be exposed to the air at this stage—the nutrients and oxidizers in the LCL help protect it—so this is the only way to get accurate samples. My question to you would be: have you talked to Shinji?"

Misato sighed heavily. "Yeah."

"I take it didn't go well."

Misato didn't respond. She had hoped avoiding having to broach the subject in any detail. Ritsuko would have to be told that Shinji had refused to pilot Unit-01, and she'd already typed up a report, but written words were a lot less personal than talking about it. She was still hurting from Shinji's tongue-lashing, but in a deep level she was certain she deserved it, and that made the hurt even harder to get rid of.

"Misato?" Ritsuko prompted.

"What was I supposed to say? That he had to do it because it's his duty? I did. I'm not even sure I believe that. I'm not even sure it's the truth anymore. Was I supposed to lie to him?"

"You should have said what was necessary to achieve the desired results."

"Like he's some kind of damned machine? Like he doesn't have feelings? I can't. Human beings don't work like that, Ritsuko. I know that doesn't make sense for someone like you, but you can't just justify making him suffer like that. He has a right to be happy."

"Didn't we also have that right? But life doesn't work out that way. We must each do what is required of us, because if nobody did, we'd still be living in caves, afraid of fire. Sacrifice is a part of life." Ritsuko sat next to Misato and began strapping the heavy aluminum tank to her back.

"You tell Shinji that next time, okay?"

Ritsuko fitted the scuba mask across her forehead. "What about Asuka?"

"Still in the hospital. Quite frankly I don't know how she's supposed to pilot Eva in her condition. Have you caught up with her dossier?"

Ritsuko nodded. "I have. She'll be fine."

"She was found naked in a bathtub full of filth, an inch away from suicide. The doctor said she'd been starving herself and they had to put her under to keep her from hurting herself. Doesn't sound like someone you'd want operating a weapon of mass destruction."

"Asuka would not commit suicide, that's not who she is. Had she wanted to, there are much easier and efficient ways to do it. No. Asuka wanted to suffer, to punish herself for her failure. She stopped caring about her life; that is not the same as wanting to die."

"If you say so," Misato said miserably. "My point remains. How is she supposed to pilot in her condition?"

"We can figure something out. Eva is built on dozens of very complicated systems. All it takes is a tweak to a tiny a part of one of those systems to drastically change the final product. You just leave it me."

Misato frowned. "Meanwhile, what do I tell Asuka?"

"Tell her what she wants to hear." Ritsuko lowered the scuba mask over her eyes. "Listen, Misato, you can't keep making everything so personal. Detach yourself a little. Maybe you'll find that it isn't such a bad thing."

That wasn't likely to happen any time soon, and both she and Ritsuko knew it. "I'll hold on to your coat." She patted Ritsuko on the shoulder. Recognizing a lost battle when she saw one, Ritsuko placed the breathing regulator in her mouth, held the mask firmly in place, and plunged backward into the LCL with a loud splash.

* * *

Evangelion Unit-01 was a marvel of engineering.

Even with his scientific background Fuyutsuki had always had trouble grasping exactly just how significant the creation of such a thing was. The first five units in the series, 00 to 04, were unique. Though designed and built along a common structure, and essentially based on the same being, all of them had their own unique qualities; all of them seemed to reflect the personalities and minds of their pilots in a remarkable way.

Considering the facts behind their armored exteriors it was perhaps fitting.

But Unit-01 stood alone among them. It—no, she was special. Yui Ikari had seen to that.

Fuyutsuki sighed at the memory, letting all his attention focus the huge head above him. Unit-01 had been pulled out of stasis and he was standing on a skywalk about halfway up its chest. She was lean and massive, covered head-to-foot in thick purple armor; her head a monstrous thing, a pronounced jaw below a single horn located where the nose would be, and triangular eyes like a demon's.

Originally she had been intended as the test unit, but necessity had dictated that she become the first actual combat unit—the first to ever engage and destroy and Angel. With a neophyte pilot lacking any training no less.

Things hadn't gone quite as planned. Unit-01 hadn't been supposed to ingest an S2 engine; Rei hadn't been supposed to die; Ikari hadn't been supposed to turn on his masters so overtly. Still, what was done was done. The schedule had to be delayed. Fuyutsuki was sure Yui would understand. She always had. And they had to be certain.

High above him, Unit-01's stasis entry-plug had been removed by crane, replaced with a new dark plug that was now sticking out of the jack at the base of the skull. There was a ring of light at the end of the plug, around which diagnosis cables had been coiled and branched off like tension cables supporting a structure against the wind. It wouldn't be long before they were ready.

Fuyutsuki put his thoughts aside and turned to his aid. "And Doctor Akagi?"

The pretty technician blinked in surprise, seeming caught by been addressed so directly; Fuyutsuki thought her awkwardness endearing. "She's, um, with Unit-00. Taking samples, I believe. She left orders to prepare the diagnosis plug and proceed through to acceptable feedback thresholds."

"Very well." Fuyutsuki nodded, again looking up at Unit-01.

Patience, he urged silently. They would get there together—or would be destroyed together.

* * *

Shinji had done as Misato asked and tagged along to pick Asuka up at the hospital. The ride in her car was very awkward; he was still angry and hadn't said a word to her in several days, despite her effort to engage him in small talk, and was now intent on keeping his eyes firmly on the window as they descended through one of the car trains that provided vehicle access to and from the Geo-Front and the surface.

The Geo-Front was massive underground structure. Shinji knew little about it except that it was basically a dome that housed all of NERV's operations underneath the city of Tokyo-3. Central Dogma itself was located on a pyramid-like main building on the center of the huge cavern, surrounded by a forest and an artificial lake. The trains and other cargo elevators spiraled down the sides of the dome, providing easy access to the surface bellow where a bridge connected traffic to Central Dogma's parking areas.

But as incredible as this place was, there was always the reminder that until recently it had been a war zone. And there are always casualties in war.

They found Asuka standing on a hallway inside the hospital ward, a nurse by her side, looking out of a brightly lit window that gave her a view of the gardens, wearing a white gown and slippers.

The sight of her made Shinji heartsick. He wanted so bad to say how sorry he was, despite knowing fully it wouldn't do her any good, but the words stuck in his throat and would not come out. He shouldn't be here, shouldn't be looking at her or try to talk with her like nothing had happened.

As roommates and fellow Eva pilots, they had constantly been at odds with each other—their characters being so different—and yet, Shinji didn't think for a moment Asuka deserved what happened to her. He certainly had never wanted to see her be hurt, and he had not wanted to abandon her, either.

But he had; it had been the easier thing to do.

Thankfully for him, Misato didn't seem to want him to say anything. She placed a hand on his shoulder, indicating that he should wait while she went closer, cautiously. "Asuka?"

Asuka didn't bother turning. "What do you want?"

"To bring you home," Misato said, in a soft, motherly tone. "Unit-02 needs a pilot."

Asuka scoffed. "Didn't you hear? I can't pilot it anymore."

She turned to Misato but looked past her, to where Shinji was standing, and fixed him with a sour glare, her eyes bristling with barely-controlled anger. "Besides, why would you need me? You've got the invincible Shinji over there—the Great Third Child! Why would you need a worthless little girl like me?"

Despite the months of internment, Asuka was still the exotic beauty Shinji remembered. She was a little thin, and her skin—once a healthy light tan—seemed paler than normal from lack of sunlight.

Her tousled golden-red mane fell unrestrained down her to mid-back and spilled over her shoulders in two long streaks, framing a young, very pretty face that distinctly reflected the German side of her mixed parentage. Her eyes were a brilliant sapphire blue, set above high cheeks that had somehow escaped freckles; her slender teenaged body, and the manner in which she liked to show it off, had often left him unable to help himself.

In the confined space of Misato's apartment, being so intimately close to her, it had been easy to turn her into a sexual object as she lounged around in little more than her underwear—lots of creamy flesh exposed, shorts ridding up occasionally to reveal more than was intended while she watched TV obliviously. Even the guilt and self-disgust that usually came afterwards was not much of a deterrent in the heat of the moment.

Indeed, those two emotions seemed to have come to define everything he felt about Asuka, and more than just in a physical sense.

From the moment she introduced herself to their class she'd become a celebrity, and her haughty personality always seemed to enjoy the attention. To Shinji she had seemed bright and happy in a way he could only envy.

She had fooled him completely.

Shinji had been there when the Angel unraveled her mind, and discovered in horror that beneath the Asuka he knew hid a painful tangle of abandoned emotions. Sadly, Shinji reflected, nobody could go through what she had without changing for the worse. Being alone and forgotten in the hospital couldn't have helped either. And his failure to console her, or even offer the slightest bit of comfort, made him responsible for some of her misery too.

"I wouldn't be here if I thought you were worthless," Misato said, sounding like she really meant it.

Asuka rounded on her. "My synch-ration is zero! ZERO! I can't pilot Eva anymore!"

"We think there might be a way," Misato explained calmly. "Ritsuko said she was working on something."

"What?" Asuka's brow came up in genuine surprise. "Are you serious?"

"I'm not up the details yet, but we're working on it. The main thing is, I want you to come home. This place is not good for you."

"Even if it works—if I can pilot again—what makes you think I'd want to go back?" Asuka looked away, shoulders sagging, and Shinji thought he could sense something else besides the simmering anger. "I was never happy there."

Misato gave her a warm smile. "It's not so bad. We had new carpets put in. And Pen-Pen is still with Hikari, so the fish smell is gone."

Asuka laughed shortly.

"Look, you really don't expect me to believe you want to stay here. I've got everything ready for you—well, everything is pretty much how you left it—and Hikari is positively giddy to see you again. She can't wait to go shopping with you. You belong out there, with your friends and the people who care about you, Asuka, not in here. It's fine if you don't want to feel pitied, but do it for yourself, okay? I—we—" Misato looked at Shinji "—want something better for you."

Asuka scanned every line in Misato's face, as if looking for an excuse, and when she found none, turned her gaze to Shinji. "And what do you have to say about all this?"

Shinji could not hold her gaze and dropped his eyes, feeling shamed. His mind became instantly blank. "Asuka ... I ... I ... "

Asuka made a noise of exasperation. "Ach, still as dimwitted as ever."

"Of course Shinji wants you to come home too." Misato slipped off the backpack she'd been carrying and pressed it into Asuka's arms. "I brought you some clothes. Unless you plan to go around like that. I don't know. Maybe you want to start a trend."

Asuka hesitated for a moment. Then, her mind apparently made up, she took the offered backpack.

As she went to change, Misato turned to the nurse, asking her told help get the rest of her patient's things. The nurse nodded and followed Asuka down the corridor, leaving Shinji and Misato alone once again. It was only a short wait: minutes later the three of them had climbed onto Misato's car and were headed back to the surface.

* * *

Shinji was delegated with the task of cooking. Actually, he volunteered and no one made an effort to stop him. It would keep Misato from taking it upon herself to cook and would spare Asuka from eating lukewarm microwaved spew on her first night home. He thought she deserved better—their guardian's food ranked almost as high as the hospital's on the list of things you'd never want to eat.

He started preparing dinner as soon as they got home, gathering some pots and other assorted utensils while Misato and Asuka went their separate ways; he heard Misato going into her room, emerging later to turn on the TV, having changed into a skimpy top and her favorite pair of cut-off jean shorts.

The water for the rice was just boiling when Asuka slipped into the kitchen, holding a bundle of clean clothes in her hands. Facing the stove, he caught only a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye as she walked around the far end of the table, and into the bathroom.

As the shower started running it was like a signal and he felt his body relaxing, without having become aware that it had tensed.

It wasn't like they ever got along great, but at least they had been able to talk to each other about some things, mostly school and Eva related stuff, and very rarely personal things. Shinji guessed it was only normal if they couldn't do that anymore. Not after everything that had happened.

Sighing dishearteningly, he tried to push those thoughts out of his mind and focus on preparing the food.

His timing was perfect. As soon as Shinji had set down the plates full of rice, meat and vegetables on the low table that was really the only piece of furniture in Misato's living room, Asuka emerged from the bathroom. She was still slightly damp, wearing her usual sleeveless top tucked into high-cut gym bloomers that made her long shapely legs seem even longer—pretty standard housewear for Asuka.

That last observation surprised him a little. He may have gotten used to it over time, but she was still showing a lot of skin.

Sitting around different sides of the table, the three of them began picking at their food with chopsticks. It was a gloomy atmosphere, though such a thing was to be expected. Shinji was thankful that none of them seemed interested in the others despite this being their first meal together in months. It made not saying anything less of a chore.

Misato attempted to break the silence by complemented him on the cooking after a few bites, and seeing that he was not willing to talk, turned her efforts to Asuka while chewing on a mouthful of rice so that her words were slightly mumbled. "Mm, Asuka, Ritsuko wanted me to tell you she wants to see you tomorrow. She needs to do a physical to determine your current condition."

"A physical?" Unlike Misato, Asuka had the manners to swallow before replying. She lifted her eyes from her plate, where she'd been pushing a piece of meat around with her chopsticks. "Haven't I been poked and prodded enough already?"

"It'll help to figure out how far to push it during synch testing."

"Aren't you going to activate Unit-02?"

"Sure." Misato ate another mouthful. "Eventually. Ritsuko says we need to establish your baseline first. For once, I think I agree. It's not a good idea to try to activate your Eva without knowing, well, if you can take it."

"You don't think I can, do you?" Asuka frowned, returning her attention to the food.

"That's not it." Misato looked concerned. "I'm looking after you, that's all."

Whether Asuka believed this or not was uncertain. She bit her lower lip to keep from replying.

Misato was getting far too good at doing this, at sounding like she truly cared, Shinji thought bitterly. She might claim to be looking after them all she wanted, but it was just a self-serving, manipulative act. She had already betrayed him more hurtfully that he had ever thought her capable of, and now she was betraying Asuka as well.

As he silently lifted morsels from his plate to his mouth, Shinji pretended that he wasn't looking at Asuka but sneaked glances at her between bites.

She clearly wanted to pilot Eva and, since she didn't have the same kind of baggage as he did, it might even make her happy. He would like that. Anything to assure him that there was still hope for her.

He was holding up some rice with his chopsticks when Asuka shifted her posture, adjusting her legs more comfortably under her. Without intending to, he caught her eyes in his—for a split second two pairs of blue irises, his pale and hers bright, met before turning away from each other.

Shinji swallowed hard, nervously, almost chocking. For the rest of the meal he did not dare lift his gaze again.

When she was satisfied, Misato leaned back, rubbing her stomach lazily. "That's what I'm talking about. Oh, I've got something for you, Asuka."

Misato got up and disappeared into the kitchen, emerging seconds later holding a small box with a piece of paper attached to the top on which a welcome home message was written. She handed this to Asuka and sat down next to her, smiling excitedly. "Here. Thought you might like to have these back. You'll need them now that you are a pilot again."

Asuka set down her chopsticks, opened the box, and stared at its contents: the neural connectors essential to linking pilot and the Eva into one being, which she had mundanely used as hair clips.

The redheaded girl managed a strained smile, picking up the pointy red connectors and holding them hesitantly in her hands.

Shinji noticed one of her writs was swollen and still needle-marked; she'd only recently been taken off the I.V.

Misato was put-off by Asuka's hesitation, clearly having thought she would be thrilled to have such meaningful items back. "Let me …" she scooted closer, reaching to take the neural connectors and clip them on.

The redhead shrunk away. "Don't touch me."

She sprang to her feet and headed for her bedroom, disappearing around the corner of the short corridor that led to her and Shinji's rooms.

The strange feeling Shinji had felt when he first saw her in the hospital deepened into a kind of dullness in his chest as he watched her go. He was sorry for her, but was that it? Was it guilt he felt, or everything thrown together and stirred until it was impossible to tell what was what?

This felt different somehow, stronger, and completely beyond his limited comprehension. If only he could tell Asuka maybe they could figure it out and it would stop bothering him. More likely she would scream at him and call him stupid for not knowing what his own feelings were.

Maybe he really was.

Misato noticed the concerned look on his face. "She'll get over it. Just give her time," she said. "It's always hard getting yourself back together after a fall. And the way she fell—It wouldn't be easy for anyone."

Shinji said nothing; he was still staring after Asuka.

"I forgot," Misato added after a short silence. "You're still not talking to me."

* * *

The speaker's dais was raised a few feet above the rest of the floor. Nakayima watched uninterestedly from the upper terrace, high above the proceedings, as another diplomat steeped up, shuffled his notes and began speaking. Russian, if he remembered correctly. That would explain why everyone seemed to be paying attention to his words.

"Why do they bother?" Nakayima whispered.

The man who had been sitting next to him turned his head. He was old—how old precisely nobody really knew, but enough to have earned a long reputation. He had thinning gray hair and sunken face, lined by deep wrinkles. He might look frail, but Nakayima knew better; Musashi Kluge, Chief of the Intelligence Department of the Ministry of the Interior, was one of the most dangerous men in all of Japan. The word going around the Department was that he only came out when something was going to die.

"That is the thunder of civilization," Kluge said softly. "We are not barbarians after all."

Ironically put, Nakayima thought. Barbarians fight you face-to-face; civilization is the one that stabs you in the back. "But don't they know that what they say here doesn't matter? Everyone makes deals under the table."

Kluge nodded thoughtfully. "That is besides the point. Protocol must still be observed. But you do not see this. Because you do not see beneath the surface." Kluge leaned forward, keeping his eyes on the speaker. "But it makes no difference. I did not fly you all the way to Kyoto just to debate politics."

Nakayima knew what he meant; he wasn't too keen on politics anyway. Politicians and bureaucrats owned the lowest circle of hell as far as he was concerned, probably right next to spies. "I'm sorry to say there hasn't been much progress. Maybe a different Agent--"

"Not an option, unfortunately. You were chosen for your background. Everyone else would stand out far to much to be effective."

"Ikari is still suspicious."

"Of course, but your position is purely civilian and entirely legitimate. We could have always forced another spy into their midst. That we did not and instead appointed an open representative can only lead to second-guessing on Ikari's part."

"Ikari doesn't seem like the second-guessing type," Nakayima said. It was true enough. He couldn't have summed up his impression of Ikari any better if he'd had a psychology degree, and he knew Kluge wouldn't mind him praising what was basically an enemy; it'd make the kill all the more satisfying for him.

"Regardless. The best way to hide our intentions is to do so in plain view. NERV can revoke your position. Doing so, however, will result in severing ties with the civilian administration and, more importantly, its money. And that is the one thing they can't do without. As long as our position remains firm, I see no reason to change it."

Nakayima nodded. "But for how long?"

The Russian speaker was now gesticulating wildly with his hands. At least he wasn't banging his shoe on the podium like Nakayima had read in history books. Most the chamber looked about to explode with rage, including the European contingent.

"That is not such a simple issue as long as Special Order A-7 remains in place," Kluge said. "And our friends down on the floor are seeing to that. We know why, of course. Russia wants weapons—the Evangelion. China wants respect, and weapons. America—we are not entirely sure: cheap electronics, cheaper cars, who knows. Fortress America needs us more than we need her; if worse comes to worse we can compromise, meaning we'd be dealing with two vetoes instead of three. The point is, until such time as this situation is resolved we need to consolidate what we know and inquire about what we don't. Which is why we need to know what Ikari wants with that software he borrowed."

"What does the ISSDF say?" Nakayima asked.

The Information branch of the Strategic Self-Defense Force was made up of Japan's leading computer experts, and of those agencies that, like the Ministry of the Interior, were all but shrouded in secrecy. If they could not answer a question, the odds were such a question could not be answered by anyone.

"Nothing. It wasn't their project to begin with. And anything related to the Evangelion is so proprietary that it requires years of expertise and far more knowledge than we possess just to make sense of it. The archives section that disk was originally filed under makes it particularly difficult."

Nayaima didn't understand and said as much. Musashi Kluge seemed surprisingly patient for someone who was not normally required to take questions from anyone.

"The ISSDF," he explained, "categorized its archive by the order of importance of the projects archived within. These include everything you can imagine—counter-terrorism—government intelligence—military projects—even that Jet Alone incident. Everything. It's a practical way of doing things, but it leaves up to interpretation what exactly is important and what is not. NERV has never been a threat, not to us, not ever. And in 15 years, and almost half a century before that, a lot of information has been gathered. But because NERV has always been self-sustained and we lacked the knowledge there was quite a lot that was simply allowed to pass into the archive unanalyzed. And other things have been analyzed and deemed completely unworkable. We don't know what most of them are even supposed to do, only that they are no threat. This disk was one of those things."

"You don't think he was testing us?" Nakayima kept his gaze on the floor show below them. "It seems to me that he would make a request from us to test whether or not we'd comply. If we'd refused he would know that we were up to something. It's no kind of weapon."

"It's no kind of weapon that we know of. I don't think a man like Gendo Ikari wastes his time trying to call other people's bluff. Whatever the information stored in this disk does, he intends to use it. And I have grown weary of trying to guess what he's up to next."

Downstairs things seemed to be settling down. The furious din that had filled the chamber diminished and eventually vanished altogether. There was look of relief on several of the delegates as they once again returned to their seats. Nakayima took this break in hostilities as a sign that the parties involved, like good politicians everywhere, had resolved to not resolve anything. He turned his head to Kluge.

"So you think it could be dangerous, sir?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I need to know." Kluge leaned forward, pinning him with a cold, unflinching glare. "I need you to do your job."

Nakayima wasn't sure why but he felt a shiver run down his spine. The eyes he was staring into were like those of a predator, sharp, cunning. And utterly dangerous.

"And what about Katsuragi?" Kluge asked.

"The situation has not presented itself," he said. "I'm concerned that actively seeking her out might arouse her suspicion. In that case she is unlikely to cooperate."

"She was close to Ryogi, perhaps closer than anyone else. We need whatever information he might have left her before his untimely death."

"Assuming he left anything."

"The lack of a final report is troubling. On the one hand it would indicate the lack of any significant information, which we know simply can't be the case. On the other hand, in the case that such information had been found but not passed along to us, I would neglect my duty if I did not try to search for it. I do not believe the manner of his death had anything to do with his data gone missing; someone like Ryogi would have known danger was closing in and he would have made sure his legacy lived on. No, I'm positive. Whether it indicates a shift in his loyalties or simply a desperate effort to unload valuable information, he passed something to Katsuragi."

"You don't want to know if he betrayed us?" Nakayima asked.

"It matters little now. The dead have no loyalties."

* * *

The back of the limousine was quiet aside from the muffled sound of engine as it revved along, carrying the weight of the car, driving long through busy city streets. The movement was barely perceptible, only tiny variations in momentum as brakes or accelerator were applied.

Commander Ikari had been staring out of the side window since they left the conference, his gaze distant but not altogether lost in thought; the Sub-Commander sat facing the rear, holding a small book in his wrinkled hands.

Neither men said anything.

Finally, as they banked a curve, a call came through the intercom from the obscured front seat. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki reached out hand almost interestedly and pressed a button. "Yes?" he said, his voice carefully measured as always.

"They're done, sir," came the voice from the front.

"And?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"No vote," the man said.

"Thank you for keeping us informed," Fuyutsuki said, and depressed the intercom. Then he closed his book and gave Commander Ikari his attention. "It seems you were right."

"I know their type," Commander Ikari said. He had his elbow propped up on his the window sill, his hand turned back so his knuckles brushed his chin in the classic 'thinking' position. He did not seemed relaxed, but neither did he appear stressed. He gave the aura of being as completely in control of his own emotions as he was of the situation.

They had only been at the Security Council for a few minutes, long enough be seen because it lent the meeting an air of credibility since it was NERV's fate being discussed. Talks had been made regarding certain assurances, and loyalties had been reaffirmed.

The Commander, it seemed, had come just for that. When these private meetings were done, they had left. Neither of the two men seemed concerned that their appearance had been so brief that it might have been completely needless.

"The Russian Ambassador, I think, was egregiously formal, all things considered. But I think at least he was being honest," Fuyutsuki said. "As long as we have a guarantee of dissent there shouldn't be anything to worry about. I'm not sure about the Chinese. They are not the kind of people I feel comfortable dealing with."

"They are like businessmen everywhere," the Commander said, unconcerned. "They want what they want and will compromise anything, including whatever principles they might have. Their greed for power is to our advantage."

"Greedy men do not deal too well with time lines," Fuyutsuki retorted.

"But they know better than to displease us. What we offer—what they stand to gain from us is not something they would ever be able to do by themselves. And because they know they need us they will not stray."

"Or so you think."

"They have made good on their promise so far, haven't they?"

The Sub-Commander snickered, the wrinkles on his features deepening. It was a strangely reassuring gesture. "For the time being. Politics can be fickle, just look at the Americans. Every fours years it's something else, some new issue that was completely irrelevant to the previous administration. At least the Chinese are consistently underhanded."

"A compliment?" Commander Ikari said, faking a kind of surprise. "From you?"

"Of sorts, I suppose."

"To be honest, I have always been rather impressed with America's solution to government. Life is ever-changing. We know as much from our studies of nature. But while engineers have constantly attempted to replicate nature's designs for the last century, politicians do not tend to pay attention. Change represents success in nature. Animals within an ecosystem face many challenges, but ultimately it all comes to their ability to change. Americans have replicated this in a political system. Change—everything changes. Because it either changes, or it dies."

Ikari turned his head towards her. "Wouldn't you agree, Rei?"

Rei Ayanami almost missed the question altogether. She had gotten so used to being ignored that she felt rather like a ghost, as if she wasn't even present while conversations passed by right next to her. She had been there in the meeting, in every one of them in fact, and throughout the day nobody had addressed her even as a matter of courtesy. She hadn't spoken a word in hours, as none were required of her, and now that she was being called to answer she wasn't sure that she wished to speak.

"I cannot say," she answered. She had been sitting there watching them silently, listening, but it was clear that Commander Ikari at least had not forgotten about her presence.

He gave her a stony look, neither pleased nor displeased.

"Why is that?"

"Because it is not important to me," she said, her voice a soft whisper.

Though she knew some people would find the Commander intimidating, Rei did not feel compelled to look away. She sat with her hands together on her lap, a neutral posture, her eyes fixed but not staring.

"Ah," Fuyutsuki said. "But don't you think you should expand your horizons? Learn as much as you can?"

Rei shook her head in a way that was barely visible. "I am sorry. I did not mean it in that sense. I meant that it is not important to me because it is simply beyond my scope. Whether political change reflects natural change, and whether those things create a lasting ideology are subjects that are irrelevant to my interest. I am not a politician. Considering such things would be a waste of my time."

"An honest girl." Commander Ikari's lips curled into the smallest of smiles. He turned his head to Fuyutsuki. "I think she has a point. We are not politicians either, so it's a waste of our time as well."

"If you say so," the Sub-Commander said. "But old men are allowed to indulge."

Her part in the conversation evidently over, Rei went back to being silent. But she attended more intently now in case she was called on to speak again.

* * *

No one could have known they were humans, their true identities locked behind their numbered monoliths in the darkened room. They towered like gods above a world that had feared them and their ancestors for centuries. They had survived up to now, outlived purges and holocausts and war, and would survive still until the time of Instrumentality. They were Gog and Magog, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.

"Times wastes away. How much can one man hate his own path, maybe enough to forget his involvement and his responsibility?" SEELE 01 spoke. His voice was deep, mechanical.

"He must pay, and those who follow him as well," SEELE 10 said. "Such filth should not enter the Garden, nor eat of the Fruit."

"The end is at hand. There is nothing more. Third Impact, humanity's final purification," SEELE 03 interjected.

"We have defeated the Angels and thus earned our path to the Tree of Life. It's our divine right. Third Impact. Instrumentality, a work in progress, an end to life."

"Only the life of Man, the death of the body, our mortal shell," SEELE 05 offered. "Man has become a race of worthless creatures, restrained by their own individuality, their own AT Fields. Instrumentality must be launched so that Man can be free."

"So that we can all be free," announced SEELE 01. "But first we need a Judas."

"He has already been contacted," SEELE 03 said. "He will be briefed upon our request. Man's final betrayer."

* * *

"Hurry up, stupid! I don't wanna be late on my first day!" Asuka's shrill voice broke the quiet morning air as it had on countless previous occasions. "Come on! Come on!"

"I'm coming!" Shinji called urgently back. Misato had been right about Asuka, he decided, hurriedly fixing their bento boxes for the day with whatever was handy as he'd overslept and fallen behind on his routine.

"Come ON!"

Shinji finished up, wrapping their bentos, and went to join Asuka. She was already waiting by the door, tapping her foot impatiently, and looking remarkably energetic in her school uniform. The two pointy neural connectors holding her hair out of the way stuck out from either side of her head like cutesy devil's horns. He'd always thought they fit her very well.

Misato had definitely been right. The gloomy girl that had come out of the hospital just a few days ago had practically disappeared, fading into the background and replaced by the loud, conceited Asuka he'd come to know and, in a way, accept. He was not naïve enough to believe she was back to normal, but at least being around her wasn't depressing anymore, and it didn't make him feel sorry or guilty either. It was at least tolerable. He thought that he could live with that.

She sighed huffily as he handed her a bento, which she shoved into her book bag while he stooped down to slip on his shoes.

Just as he did, Misato leaned around the corner into view. "Have a nice day, kids."

"Whatever." Asuka rolled her eyes, slid open the door and headed off.

Shinji straightened up, draped his own book bag over his shoulder, and was prepared to follow suit without so such as a curt reply when Misato stopped him.

"Look, Shinji," she said, stepping fully into the tiled landing, "you can be mad at me all you want, but I don't feel like being mad at you, so I'm gonna keep trying to talk to you, even if you don't want me to. One of us has to be the adult here, and apparently it'll have to be me."

"Why do you keep harping on me?" Shinji replied angrily. "Asuka can get away with being upset, but I can't?"

"Asuka is Asuka. I'd expect you to be much more social."

"Well, I don't feel like being very social to you." Shinji hitched up his bag higher and stormed through the open door, aware that he was leaving a disappointed-looking Misato behind.

Asuka was standing in front of the elevator, checking her watch. "That was quick," she said sharply. "What did she want?"

"Uh?" Shinji came to stand behind her, intently examining floor tiles. Slowly, his anger at Misato began to fade.

"Don't play stupid with me, Third Child." Asuka turned to him, her hands firmly planted on her hips. "What's up with Misato?"

"I'm just …" Shinji didn't want to talk about this, but keeping Asuka out of the loop was probably a bad idea. "I'm mad at her because she promised I wouldn't have to pilot Eva and, well, she broke that promise."

Asuke frowned, indicating she expected there to be more. "And?"

"That's all."

"Are you serious? People always make promises they can't keep. It's better than lying. You didn't really think she'd keep it, right? I mean, not even you are THAT stupid, Shinji. She told you what she thought you needed to hear, what you wanted to hear. You can't hold people to their promises. That's just immature."

"Yeah, I know," Shinji said, though he hadn't really at the time. "It just feels—" he hesitated.

"Like you were betrayed?" Asuka finished for him.

He nodded anyway.

"Oh, grow up."

The elevator opened with a ping and Asuka stepped inside, a slight stroll in her step. Shinji stayed behind, wondering if he should bring up something he had wanted to say since she'd come home but had not been able to gather the courage. She shot him an inquisitive look that basically made the decision for him.

"Um, Asuka," he started. "I've been wanting to tell you … that Misato was right in the hospital." He tried a kind smile that he knew made him look silly. "About you not belonging there and about coming home. I'm glad you are—"

Asuka narrowed her eyes, her expression soured, wiping the smile from Shinji's face. Blue eyes narrowed angrily.

"I don't care what Misato said," she said. "Lets get one thing straight, Third Child. The last thing I want—the absolutely last thing I want—is pity from the likes of you. Nothing she said, and nothing you said got me here. I'm here for myself."

"Sorry," Shinji said softly, regretting having opened his mouth, as he knew he would. "I didn't mean to make you angry."

Asuka stepped towards him; her body language aggressive.

"Do you want to know what your problem is?" she said, her voice rising shrilly. "You take what you have for granted, and you think it gives you the right to talk down to me. But you've never had to work for what you have, you just get in your Eva and it goes and you are the hero. You get mad at Misato because she wants you to do what you were born to do. Well, Third Child, some of us can't choose what we want to do. Some of us lowly mortals do what we can, all that we can, because we have nothing else while you decide you are too good for the rest of us, and what do we get?"

She pressed a hand firmly against her chest.

"WHAT DID I GET? I got my head fucked with! And you sat there and watched and did nothing! What, you thought I had it coming, didn't you? You could have helped, couldn't you?" She was screaming now. "So don't tell me you are glad about anything that involves me! Don't give a damn because you want to make yourself feel better! That just makes it worse!"

Even had he wanted to, Shinji could not have managed a reply, frozen by the sudden viciousness of the outburst, painfully aware that he had started it.

He'd underestimated just how deeply Asuka's words could cut him—how much it could hurt to expose himself through what should have been an act of sympathy. He realized then that he'd been wrong about Asuka all along, even about the things he thought he'd figured out; he was so far away from understanding anything about her that they might as well have never met.

And he had no idea how to make it right.

Her venom spent, and seemingly realizing that Shinji was not going to provoke her any further—that he had resolved to simply not saying anything at all—Asuka turned around and entered the waiting elevator again.

Shinji did not follow her. He was still frozen in place, too confused and even hurt to think about what he was supposed to do now.

"Well?" Asuka's hand hovered over the elevator controls. "Are you gonna stand there all day like an idiot or are you getting in?"

All Shinji had to do was take a step and he'd be in the elevator with her, riding together with someone who surely hated him. One step was all he needed to muster and yet he could not because it would mean he'd be alone with Asuka, and then what? Uncomfortable silence? More screaming?

"I ... I ... " he stuttered, swallowing awkwardly. "I think I forgot something."

Asuka's glare studied him for a second, as if she were trying to determine whether he was lying and trying to avoid her. For that moment, the very obvious answer seemed to matter a great deal to her. A look of seriousness—something apart from her anger—crossed her face.

Then she turned up her nose. "Suit yourself."

She stabbed a finger angrily at an elevator button.

The doors started to close in front of him, and Shinji once again thought about stepping in with her. But as she slowly disappeared from view he could not ever bring himself to give her a final pleading look. He wanted to take that step and go with her, knowing fully that she probably didn't want him to. Like before, he couldn't decide to do something for himself if it meant defying others.

Nothing good would come out of this, Shinji thought sadly. No matter how much he wanted to bridge the gap between him and Asuka, he would have to accept that she was not willing to do the same. That he had to let her go.

And so the doors closed, and Asuka was gone.

* * *

**To be continued …**


	2. Try Again

Expanded Chapter 2. Thanks go to Big D and Mike. You dudes rock. Lets see, standard legal disclaimer applies, yadda yadda. I'll letting Darkscribes have the exclusive on this for a few weeks before posting on FFN. Feedback is welcome.

* * *

**Evangelion Genocide: Extended**

**  
"I've lived to bury my desires,  
And see my dreams corrode with rust;  
Now all that's left are fruitless fires  
That burn my empty heart to dust."  
--Alexander Pushkin **

**  
Genocide 0:02 / Try Again.**

**

* * *

  
**

Asuka leaned heavily against the thin material of her door, looking down at the red neural connectors in her hands.

It felt strange being home, not so much a painful feeling but rather an odd one—like her heart had not yet decided if she should be sad or happy. Once she could not pilot her Eva they should have shipped her back to Germany in disgrace. Without Unit-02 she was worthless. No one needed her. Not even Stupid Shinji. So why had she bothered coming back here?

When she had first been brought out of sedation in the hospital she had just laid there on the bed, starring blankly at the ceiling, her abused mind not interested at all in what happened to her. The nurses did what they could to cheer her up as they did their rounds and cared for her. And it was that humiliating treatment that sparked some sings of life in her, and, true to her character, she began to fight.

The nurses seemed to have expected her to be thankful—she wasn't. She wouldn't let them get near her anymore, even had to be restrained on occasions when her violent struggling made her a danger to herself and those around her.

Then, one day in the middle of another fit, a nurse let it slip how she couldn't believe that such a nice brown haired boy had come to visit someone like her.

And Asuka became aware of her heart beating once again. Things changed after than. She became more willing, wanting now to get better so she could receive visitors. Surely, Shinji wanted the same thing. He had come to her, hadn't he?

But even that small hope turned into seething anger and bitterness as the days went by and she remained alone. Nobody ever came. She thought it would be better if she never felt anything again and tried to resign herself. At that, like at everything else, she failed, and began to sink back into an uncaring depression. Until finally …

Seeing Shinji in the hospital earlier had made something inside of her stir; a wonderful and yet strangely disgusting feeling she wished she could be rid of.

Why would Shinji, of all people, come to her? And why did it bother her so much that he hadn't done so before?

The answer was painful and obvious. As the Angel broke into her mind it resurfaced more than memories; the pain she had endured watching her mother in the hospital, cradling that stupid doll as if it were her own child while she stood by, ignored, had come hurtling back, and her heart shattered. Everything else—every toxic emotion she struggled to keep hidden—poured out of her until she was reduced to a hysterical, mutilated wreck, wounded beyond time's ability to heal.

Just like the wound left by her mother's death had never healed, merely festering and staying with her until that thing dug it up and—

Asuka's face hardened as anger flickered inside of her and pushed aside the thought; anger at the Angel, at Misato, at Shinji, at her own failure. She clung on to that anger for strength. Misato had brought her back to pilot Eva. That's what she was here for and not to spend her time dwelling on useless emotions, regardless of how powerful or haunting, like some pathetic little girl.

Piloting Eva was all that mattered now. They were working on something, Misato had said—something that might return Unit-02 to her. There was the reason she'd needed go on living.

She'd show them, she'd show them all.

Asuka Langley Soryu would once again be the designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-02.

The Second Child.

She reached into her damp mane, tracing her fingers along the thick curtain of hair that hung over one shoulder, lifting it up against the side of her head to pin it in place with a neural connector. She did the other side in the same customary way as she stepped over the discarded bits of clothing, old fashion magazines, and other personal effects that littered the floor and lay face-down on her own bed for the first time in months.

It was soft and comfortably warm, and the sheets were fresh with a faintly sweet scent of detergent that was a welcomed change to the sterile reek of hospital sheets.

Shinji's doing, Asuka thought, closing her eyes to let the feel and smell of being home engulf her.

She'd show him too.

* * *

Rei Ayanami always sat alone when outside of class, and she was always reading a book. Nobody ever approached her to try to talk to her. Nobody ever talked about her either, the way they some times did about Asuka and the other girls. It was like she didn't really exist to the other students. And while this never seemed to bother her in the slightest, Shinji could not stand it, and so, when he got out of clean-up duty and saw Rei sitting on a bench in the school courtyard he could not resist going over to her.

"Being alone is a choice." Rei said as he approached.

Shinji choked on his words, and wondered how someone so quiet could be so perceptive. Or was he simply that transparent? "I'm just ... worried about you," he said uncertainly.

"Why?" Rei did not look up from her reading, her voice remained soft and even—any other girl would have sounded uninterested.

"Well, because people aren't mean to be alone." To Shinji there was something about the words that sounded hollow; he had spent so much of his life alone that it almost sounded like a lie.

"Some people choose to be alone because that is the only way to truly find themselves."

"And what did you find?" Shinji asked.

It wasn't intended as a deep question--he hadn't thought of it like that--just an attempt to get her talking and opening up, but he realized belatedly that it indeed one of the more esoteric things he had ever asked her.

"That I do not understand." There was long moment of silence after that, then, "Why do you refuse to pilot Eva?"

Shinji was taken aback. That question had been haunting him for a while now. After being abused by Asuka on the subject he was unwilling to bring it up again, but her accusation that he was being childish still stung. With that, and the memory of the awful things he'd said to Misato, he could not bring himself to answer.

"I will tell you--" Rei started but he cut her off.

"Please don't. Asuka's already mad at me for this. And Misato. I don't want you to be mad at me too."

"I will tell you why I will pilot," Rei finished. "It is because life without purpose is worse than death."

Instantly Shinji's eyes widened, his fists clenched. "Rei, they can't make you!" he bellowed. "You ... you ... it killed you! And now you are just gonna go back? You can't!"

Rei's calm demeanor was a great contrast to his outrage. "When Unit-00 is ready, I will be its pilot."

"No!" His voice trembled as he said the word, suddenly unable to fight the downpour of emotions. Rei had died in her Eva—had died to protect him. She couldn't go back. And if she did, wouldn't that make him a coward? Rei had suffered horribly because of her Eva, and she had as much reason—perhaps more—to refuse piloting it as he did. "No! You can't do this to yourself. It's Father, isn't it? Rei, if you care about me at all, you won't do this, no matter what he says."

"And if you care, you will understand," Rei said softly.

But Shinji was not willing to let it go. He owed it to Rei Ayanami to protect her, like she had done for him. He reached down, taking her shoulders in his hands and turned her to face him, half lifting her out of the bench. Her expression was of surprise; her eyes slightly wider than usual, lips pressed together. "Ikari?"

"Please, listen to me, Ayanami," he said, aware that he was on the verge of tears. "The last time you were in the Eva, you got caught by an Angel. I couldn't help you. And you were in pain, I could hear you screaming, but instead of letting it attack me, you ... you said goodbye to me and you ... I had to watch you die!"

The corners of her eyes sank. "Is that why you will not pilot, because you are afraid?"

Shinji nodded slowly. He found it difficult to keep his gaze locked with hers. Admitting his feelings was never an easy thing to do. "I am afraid to lose anything more."

At that, Rei's features relaxed once again and returned their usual neutrality. "You should not be. If you will not move because you are afraid, even when those around you need you to, then you have already lost everything."

Shinji let go of her. "Ayanami."

"Do not call me that. That was what you called her," she added, noticing the look on his face. "I am Rei. I am different." She raised her hands over her heart. "But I am also the same. And I am not afraid. And I will still move because I have something I do not want to lose."

"What's that?" Shinji asked, rubbing a forearm across his teary eyes.

"You."

Somehow that single word carried more with it than his entire side of the conversation, and the shock of it reduced any reply he might make to utter rubbish. Rei--the name sounded so perfect in his head--was not who he had feelings for, but that didn't mean he shouldn't care. Being different didn't erase what she had done on his behalf. And he couldn't let her put herself in danger while he refused to stop thinking about himself. Other people needed him, and it was for them that he should decide, and become a man.

Just as Misato had said.

Suddenly he realized he owed his dark-haired guardian an apology. What his father had told him so long ago, that he needed to stand on his own two feet, suddenly sounded all too true.

"Excuse me!" Asuka's sharp voice broke into his thoughts. "I hate to interrupt your secret little meeting, but Shinji and I should be headed home."

Shinji turned to find the redhead standing at the edge of the courtyard, staring them down with a glare. He didn't feel that barging in and imposing herself like this was a very nice thing to do, but nothing good would come from point out such a detail. Rei seemed totally indifferent, not surprisingly.

Feeling like he had settled something with his conscience, he turned briefly to offer Rei a farewell, telling her to take care, then followed Asuka.

"So, you and Wonder Girl? All hooked up, uh?" Asuka said in a sarcastically syrupy tone as they walked down the steps from the school's main entrance and down onto the street. "I suppose it fits. She's the only one with less personality than you."

"We are not hooked up. She is not ..." Shinji caught himself, uncertain if Asuka had ever found out what had happened to Rei Ayanami. "She is not interested."

"Oh, please, I saw the look on her face when you grabbed her." She turned her voice into a raspy imitation of Rei's soft tones. " 'Oh, Ikari, your touch is so manly. Take me. I'll follow orders, just tell me what to do, like the obedient little puppet I am.' "

"Rei's not a puppet," Shinji said, annoyed.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "You probably like your girls like that, thought, right?" she said, her voice grating once again. "Obedient? Servile? Dancing on strings without a mind of their own?"

Shinji didn't respond to Asuka's provocation. They walked towards the train station under the last golden glimmer of sunlight, neither saying a word. The streets were mostly empty, only a few students lingered around the shops, buying snacks or giving the nearby arcade a whirl. He recognized none of the faces, and it seemed strange how detached he had become from any sort of normalcy, and how he had never bothered to meet any new people so that he also might have friends to hang out with after school.

They stepped onto the train platform, joining several more students also waiting for the train.

"I can't believe I'm stuck with you," Asuka said out of the blue. "I wish Kaji were here."

This was a subject Shinji hoped he would never have to talk to her about, and would be happiest if it was not brought up ever again. It had been painful enough to hear Misato's distraught cries when she listened to the message on her answering machine. He knew what had happened, nobody needed to tell him, but if Asuka refused to believe him that was fine. That it would mean living in denial mattered very little.

Shinji pressed his lips together, but realized it would seem strange, uncaring even, if he didn't say anything. "Yeah, me too."

Asuka did not seem to notice his reply at all, and instead stared wistfully at the tracks.

* * *

The Dummy Plug test system rested upright in the middle of the room. It consisted of a tall glass cylinder raised up on a platform with a tangle of cables connecting it to the banks of computers that surrounded it. Aside from the circle of light falling on the equipment the room was plunged in darkness.

"The transfer rate is progressing as normal," Dr. Ritsuko Akagi announced from her position behind one of the computer terminal. Aside from her, Commander Ikari, and Rei Ayanami, who had been watching them silently, there was no one else present. Security was a manner of utmost importance.

"Binary memory patters are what I expected. The DNA structures have suffered terrible deterioration on the 23rd chromosomal pair. The ribonucleic-protein string is broken in approximately 1,546,876 places. Far too many errors for the computer to fix."

"I see," Ikari said. He had his back to the doctor, staring contemplatively at the Dummy Plug, gloved hands in his pockets. "We will need Rei's DNA after all."

A bitter taste rose up in Rei's mouth. She wasn't sure what had caused it, but it must have something to do with what she knew was coming. Commander Ikari's wishes were not for her to understand, she had never intended that he would explain anything to her. Still, she did not look forward to being connected to the Dummy System and though it would be her first time, there was an odd sense of dread in her mind. He had created her ... he could do whatever he wanted with her. It wasn't her place to object. She had no choice, but that did not imply willing desire. Truthfully, she did not want to do this.

But would he understand her if she said anything, would it take away from her meaning?

"I can fix the string without the necessity to replace the damaged chromosomes in their entirety." Ritsuko straightened, slipping her hands into her lab coat pockets. "However, the neural mapping was always going to require Rei's input, since we have to recreate the system almost from scratch. Using the computer—it will take time. Bringing all the sequencers on-line might take a while."

Commander Ikari nodded, taking in this new information. "Use Rei. There is no sense in wasting time if there is an alternative."

"It will be her first time—the process might not be ... entirely pleasant."

Ikari turned and fixed Ritsuko with a stony glare. "Would you rather waste my time than take what you need from a human--no, from Rei?"

Ritsuko seemed unnerved by his sudden forcefulness. "I am not wasting your time," she said. "I am merely suggesting a different course of action. Also, the computer could eliminate flaws that are common in the human genetic structure. I am not suggesting one or the other. I am merely presenting facts as well as consequences." She paused. "I know how you would hate to see Rei hurt."

Would he really?

Rei couldn't help the thought. Suddenly she felt embarrassed that she'd thought about refusing to obey him. He needed her--that was a fact. He wouldn't ask her to do this if it wasn't absolutely necessary. And then, only if there was nobody else who could do it.

She was needed.

It really felt wonderful.

"Rei's genetic structure has no flaws, doctor." Ikari replied.

Ritsuko fell quiet, thought it was obvious she did not agree. Rei had always liked the doctor despite her sometimes brusque manner. She felt that she shared more with her than met the eyes, and found herself wanting to share a little of what she felt, but the right words were never there.

The feelings were just impulses, things without names that didn't seem to fit with the rest of the world. Like dreams, they were just there, just hovering quietly beneath the surface waiting to be touched and yet always out of reach. There were definitions for some of them. She had done her share of research looking up things in psychology text books, but it wasn't the same as having solid confirmation of what she was feeling from someone else.

"Are you reluctant to use Rei?" the Commander asked.

"No," Ritsuko said point-blank. "I don't think she is needed for this. I can do it."

"We do what must be done. We made her what she is, we gave her the soul she has. So, why not ensure that the soul will live on, despite the death of the body we created for it?"

"Is that all you care for? Lilith's soul?"

"No, not all," Ikari said. He walked slowly over to Rei and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. They were heavy, much heavier than his son's, and much stronger. He looked into her face and their eyes met. "Rei, do you understand?"

Rei nodded silently.

The corners of his lips curled up, a smile. "Good."

He gave Ritsuko another cold stare before turning around and disappearing into the darkness, leaving the two of them alone. Ritsuko seemed upset, her features suddenly tightened with anger. Rei found it rather puzzling. Where had the anger come from? Had the Commander said something to her that Rei had failed to interpret?

People could be very temperamental.

"Doctor Akagi--"

"Shut up, Rei," Ritsuko quieted her harshly, and ran a hand through her dyed-blond hair, looking down to examine the computer screens. Rei let her gaze follow the doctor but could not find anything of interest on the screens and turned her attention to the Dummy Plug.

"There is much around here that needs doing," Ritsuko said. "We will start immediately. Strip."

Without uttering a word, Rei brushed off the shoulder straps of her uniform jumper and began to undo the buttons of her blouse. By the time she was naked, Ritsuko had opened the front of the glass cylinder and she stepped inside, her heart beating unreasonably fast. She wondered what it was she felt, and why suddenly she was so cold that it could not be explained by her nudity. There was a ringing in her ears; her mouth was dry. It felt like ... the first time she had talked to Shinji Ikari on the train, when she had asked him if she was human.

It felt like what she had come to identify as fear. It didn't make any sense to her, but the feeling was there. An old, long-forgotten dread almost as if it were coded into her genes.

* * *

She was late ... again.

Panting loudly, Misato ran the final meters towards the main elevator leading to the Central Dogma HQ, cursing her lack of punctuality and the fact that the guys at the security checkpoint took an unreliably long time verifying her credentials even though she had been screened by the same guy every day since she started working here. As the heavy steel doors closed she managed to slip through. The door locked shut, and the elevator hummed to life. She struggled to catch her breath before realizing that she was not alone in the small space.

Misato at once recognized the crest on the man's uniform, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. "Ministry of the Interior?" She rolled her eyes. "Great. Just what we need."

The man could not avoid smiling in amusement, glancing self-consciously down at himself, then turned his black, slanted eyes towards with mild consideration. "It could be worse," he said, stretching out his hand to Misato. "My name is Nakayima Junichi, Special Agent and Liaison to the Reconstruction Council. Basically, the guy with the checkbook."

Misato shook his hand firmly. She knew who he was but they had never met face to face. The Ministry had no further need for the sort of covert Agent they'd had in Kaji, and planting someone is a civilian role as was the case with Agent Nakayima was a much more direct way of achieving the same result. NERV could not refuse to take him in as the civilian authority was a crucial and necessary link in the chain that kept everything running smoothly, like the chain in a bicycle, and without which they weren't going anywhere.

Of course, that didn't mean she had to like him. As long as he stayed out of her way she didn't think he would be a problem.

"Katsuragi Misato, Major and NERV's Chief of Operations," she said as amicably as she could manage. "Basically, I blow stuff up."

A hint of recognition crossed the Agent's narrow-featured face.

"Katsuragi, as in Dr. Katsuragi? The Katsuragi?"

Misato nodded.

"My father," she said shortly. She was not interested in reviving dead painful memories, and especially not with a Ministry tool. "Can we talk about something else? It hardly seems professional to bring up my family history with someone I don't even know."

"I can understand," he said sounding apologetic. Misato couldn't tell if he was sincere or it was an act calculated to squeeze some information out of her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he explained. "It's just that our fathers knew each other, I think. I've heard that surname since I was little."

"Don't you think there is enough wrong with the world as it is to worry about the sins of the previous generation?" Misato said pointedly.

"I guess you are right." Nakayima was about to say something else when the elevator doors opened. He turned to Misato and locked eyes with her for the first time. "Well, nice finally meeting you. I need to get going. Lots of paperwork, you understand?"

"Yes. Yes, I do, Agent Nakayima," Misato said, in her most polite voice. "Have a good day."

The agent nodded and stepped out of the elevator. Misato's eyes narrowed suspiciously and leaned against the metal wall as the doors closed and she was alone in the elevator.

It was interesting that the MOI bothered at all. The relationship with the Reconstruction Council which ran the rebuilding effort above the Geo-Front was strained enough that a liaison made sense, probably why the government had created the position in the first place. Misato did not believe for a moment that it was his only objective, however. He was up to something. And if she had figured it out, so must have Commander Ikari.

Then why was this Agent still here? Misato thought. Unless Commander Ikari had found a use for him.

She shook her head. Whatever. It wasn't her problem for the time being—she had plenty of those without worrying about some random bloodsucking bureaucrat.

* * *

Misato had already left for work when Shinji got up in the morning, so he didn't get a chance to tell her about his talk with Rei and that he was sorry for the things he said to her. He was disappointed, in a way. He knew it would make her feel better to know that he wasn't mad at her anymore and also he could finally get it off his chest. He could call her cell phone, he'd already thought about that, but this was the sort of thing that needed to be said in person. He hoped he would get a chance tonight.

Setting about his usual routine, Shinji got himself dressed in his school uniform and prepared breakfast. Usually, Misato left a pot of coffee already made, but it seemed she had left in a rush so he took it upon himself.

He placed several loaves of bread on the toaster and pulled up some eggs from the fridge. Asuka liked hers scrambled, so that's how he made them. She also liked bacon, he needed to remember to pick some up next time he stopped for groceries. It didn't take long for the aroma of his cooking to drift all over the apartment, and he expected Asuka would come into the kitchen at any moment, already clad in her uniform, to have breakfast.

He has glad they didn't have to talk as they ate, but he wouldn't really mind if she wanted to.

Well, Shinji had never really minded Asuka talking to him, but lately she did less and less talking and more screaming.

She was just so hostile to him sometimes, unwilling to show him even the smallest kindness. Maybe if she would set aside her fangs he could talk to her—really talk—without the fear that she might tear him up like she had before, when he had merely sought to comfort her and share a little sympathy. He wished that he could. It would give him a chance to share the strange feelings he had, and maybe finally figure out what they were supposed to mean and why she always seemed to be in the middle of them.

He had placed everything on the table, the eggs, coffee, toast, juice, and everything else they might need, but there was no sign of Asuka. Strange—she didn't get up earlier than he did unless she had a reason. He did a quick check and found her shoes were still on the landing; she was definitely still home.

"Asuka, breakfast is ready," he called, knowing he risked a tongue-lashing.

There was no answer.

Shinji frowned worriedly. Was she sick? It could be. She'd spent most of the previous night locked in her room and the only time he'd seen her come out was to use the bathroom, and she had seemed put-upon—more so than usual, anyway. But Asuka would have let him know if she wasn't feeling good, if for no other reason to make sure he didn't bother her.

He walked the short distance to her bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Asuka, breakfast is ready," he repeated. "Come on, or it's gonna get cold."

Still nothing.

"Asuka, are you sick? I can get you something if you don't feel--"

The thin wooden door slid partially open, just wide enough for Asuka to poke her head out. Her expression was sleepy, her long flowing red mane tousled, as if she had just this second been awoken and gotten out of bed, which Shinji realized was most likely exactly what she had done. Though most of her remained hidden behind the door, he could clearly see that she was not wearing her uniform. She looked at him with a frown, questioningly but not angered in her usual manner.

"What?" she asked rubbing her eyes. Her voice was oddly soft, completely lacking the glass edge Shinji had come to identify with her character.

"Breakfast," Shinji said simply, pointing a thumb in the general direction of the kitchen. Then, feeling rather guilty for having bothered her, added, "Sorry, I know you don't want to be late for school."

Even in their present drowsy state, Asuka's eyes retained their bright sapphire depth as they narrowed into slits. "I'm not going to school, stupid. I've got my first test with Unit-02 today."

"Oh. "Shinji blinked, remembering someone—Misato or maybe Asuka herself—had told him about that and he had completely forgotten. He really did feel kinda stupid now. "Oh, okay. I'll go then. Breakfast is done anyway. Just leave everything in the sink when you're done."

He started to leave, but before he could make it out of the corridor and into the open living room, Asuka called out to him. "Shinji, wait."

Turning quickly back to her, he caught a glimpse of something strange on her eyes. Indeed, her whole expression seemed different, softer, like her voice had been.

"Aren't you coming?" Asuka said. "To my test, I mean."

"Uh?" Shinji didn't understand. "I ... I don't think so. I have nothing to do with it. Besides, I'd just get in the way, don't you think?"

He was certain she would agree with him. Of course he'd get in the way, she'd tell him. The only reason she was asking was to make sure he didn't think about showing up and messing things up for her.

It was just the sort of thing she would say; he was sure. But she didn't, and to Shinji's astonishment her gaze dropped to the floor and she bit down on her lip, holding back whatever reply she wanted to make. Asuka was a very direct person, Shinji had realized that soon after they met: if she wanted something she would let you know, and if she didn't like something she would really let you know. But looking at her now she seemed very uncertain about what to say.

Maybe she was sick after all, Shinji thought.

"Asuka," he said carefully, "why do you ask?"

The sound of her name had a hardening effect on Asuka's face. She seemed to pick herself up and become once again the haughty girl that resided in Shinji's mind. "It was just a dumb question," was her sharp reply. "And even if I were to explain it, I would never think a little boy like you would understand. Go away."

With that she retreated back into her room and closed the door.

Something was bothering her, that much he could see. It was a plain as the look she had worn on her face just a moment ago. No matter if she thought he was stupid or a little boy and thus was not worth the effort it would take to explain what it was to him, he wasn't blind. Did she want something from him? Not Asuka--the less she saw of him the happier she was and the less he would bother her. But that look …

Was she sad?

And what if she did want something? What could he possibly have that she might want from him?

If he just knew he would give it to her, not even asking anything in return—it could be anything and everything, and he would give it without compromise or regret simply because it was she who wanted it. All she had to do was ask.

Shinji realized then that although the door that separated them was merely a few paper-thin sheets on a wooden frame, it might as well be a great wall. As he had many times before, he wanted to break through. He wanted to be able to tell her that he did not blame her for who she was, insufferable as she might be at times. That was the person she had grown into.

He could accept that if she could equally accept him for who he was.

Wishful thinking, Shinji told himself with a sigh. Asuka would never allow him to come close to her even if he had to courage to push. Perhaps it was for the better. They would only hurt each other in the end. He did not want to fight with Asuka anymore; the best thing to do was to keep his distance.

She would be happy, Shinji was sure, if he did.

Holding on to that thought for consolation, Shinji picked up his toast and, after slipping into his shoes and slinging his book bag securely across his shoulders, left the apartment.

* * *

The day was bright and warm, the new sun still low in the eastern sky; the sounds of the city were all around him, honking cars, roaring trains, jackhammers, people talking and walking and just living. He tried to ignore all of it as he walked to the train station.

The first thing Shinji noticed when he stepped onto the mostly-empty train car was that Rei was not there. This struck him as odd since lately she had been pretty good at keeping attendance and it wasn't often that she missed school. Together with their talk yesterday, her absence filled him with an overwhelming sense of uneasiness not all that different from the odd feeling he'd gotten from Asuka earlier that morning.

Toji and Kensuke tended to call him ungrateful for not appreciating the fact that he was constantly surrounded by pretty girls, but if they only knew how much those relationships—if they could be called that—troubled him they would sing a different tune. Rei, Misato, Asuka; it seemed all he did was hurt those around him.

He made up his mind quickly to check up on Rei. At worse he'd be late for school, no big deal. He switched trains at the next station. Rei lived in on one of the most run-down part of the city, in a dirty-looking apartment block that seemed more like a prison than a place for people to live on, and was mostly deserted. On his previous visits he had always heard the rumble and roar of construction machinery nearby, but now there was an eerie quiet in the morning air.

Apartment 402's bell was still broken so he knocked, and ignored the sense of déjà vu. There was no answer; he knocked again, louder. After another moment, the door opened.

Shinji gasped.

Unlike Asuka earlier, the girl standing in front of him really did look awfully sick. Her eyes were bloodshot and lidded, ringed by dark circles that stood out in dire contrast to the creamy pale skin of her face; her hair was a mess, and she was leaning heavily on the door, her shoulders sagging awkwardly. She wore only her school shirt and underwear. "What is it?" she said weakly.

"What happened?" Shinji said with concern.

"Doctor Akagi had to perform a test. I complied as I was ordered," Rei said. Her voice was so low it was barely audible. "My head has been hurting all night."

"Don't you have some medicine?" Shinji was getting worried. What could Ritsuko have done to her to leave her like this?

Rei nodded, wincing in pain. "There are some in a drawer. But I do not know what they are for."

"I could have a look," he offered. "I'm no doctor but if you have some aspirin that will probably do it."

Silently, Rei stepped aside to let him inside her small apartment. Even by Tokyo-3 standards, it was a rather sparse place, comprised of a single room used as a bedroom and a bathroom off to the side, and small kitchen area. Shinji took off his shoes at the door. The floor was cheap, checkered-pattern tile that had begun to fade, and covered by numerous stains including several that looked like blood. He made his way without stepping on anything; Rei, barefooted as she was, didn't seem to care in the slightest.

She had never been one for tidiness, and so there was also garbage strew everywhere, mostly plastic bags and empty food container and school papers.

There were only two bits of furniture, a small unkempt bed with a thin mattress, and a nightstand from which hung a trash bag full of used bloody bandages; a little fridge took up a corner, covered with plates, cups and other eating utensils.

Not bothering at all about her state of undress, Rei crawled into bed on all fours and lay on her side, looking at Shinji as he approached behind her. He tried not to look at her exposed body, at the way her white skin seemed to glow in morning light, swallowing awkwardly. When he was standing uneasily by her nightstand she pointed to one of the drawers.

"There," she said.

Shinji opened it, and gasped.

The drawer was full of pills, some loose and rattling around, some in still in their clear plastic containers, and some in white bottles. Hesitating slightly, Shinji picked one of these bottles up and read the back of the label. They were painkillers. He picked another. And another …

It was a drawer full of painkillers.

Horrified, he looked at Rei, his words becoming stuck in his dry throat.

"What?" she said, and did not appear to care or understand his sudden trepidation at all. She stirred, lifting her hands to grasp her head as if to protect herself from an unseen something, and closed her eyes.

"Are these all yours?" Shinji managed.

"No," Rei said quietly. "They were hers. I don't know what they do or what they are for. They have always been there. I think maybe … I think I know why. It hurts."

Shinji looked down at the bottle of pills in his hand. He had never known that Rei Ayanami lived in so much pain. She had never told him. "Rei, what did Ritsuko do to you?"

"I was ordered …" she shook her head, gasping in pain due to the motion. "I was ordered not to tell."

Shinji brought down his eyebrows. He didn't like the sound of that at all—why would Rei not be able to tell him something? Did she mean she wasn't supposed to tell anyone, period, or just him in particular?

He could press the issue, asking her questions until he got the answer he wanted, but looking at her pained expression he decided that now was not the time. Rei wouldn't hide something from him if she thought he needed to know. Even if she was ordered to. He believed she wouldn't, at least.

Rummaging through the drawer, Shinji picked up on of the unopened bottles which seemed to be the most recent addition to the drawer, checked the expiration date to make sure they were still good, and opened it. He poured a glass of water from the kitchen, then set it down on the nightstand and popped out a pair of little red-and-white pills.

"This will help," he said to Rei. "It's pretty strong. You shouldn't take more than a few a day."

Rei tried to sit up on her own, but her painful body language was too much for Shinji and he helped her, holding her gingerly but firmly, careful not to cause her any more pain.

She took the pills from him and swallowed them with a gulp of water, then lay back down on the bed. Shinji fluffed the pillow beneath her head and found himself wishing he could do more to ease her pain.

"Ayanami …"

"I am not her," she said, stretching her hand into the air almost as if she hoped to catch something. "A name carries a great deal of a person. It is not just a name. It is also a thought. A feeling. I share her name, but not the other things attached to it. I am not her."

"Then how should I feel, seeing you in front of me and not being able to call you what I called her?" Shinji asked, aware that just speaking pained her. "Because you look just like her."

"You should grieve, like I wish I could. You are lucky."

He wanted to tell her how he really wasn't. Rei didn't understand—nothing in her limited experience could prepare her for the kind of pain that came through loss. But that burden should not be hers to carry, and he should not make her.

"I have these emotions inside of me," her voice was vague, the words seemingly addressed to no one. "And despite that, there is something missing. As if I have misplaced something that used to have great value. I know they do not belong to me, and at the same time I know—I feel—like they do. That they are mine as much as they were hers. Is there something wrong with me?"

He knew before opening his mouth that there was nothing he could say to help her. "Aya—I'm sorry."

Within minutes of closing her eyes, Rei had fallen asleep. Her hands were still tensely clutching the bedding so Shinji bent over her and opened her fingers gently, and stared at her beautifully pale form. Her face became more relaxed now, resting on the linen that was as white as her skin.

Finally she seemed to have found some peace.

Straightening up, he took a deep breath. "Ayanami," he said, knowing she couldn't hear him. "I wish I had known about your pain. I wish you didn't have to suffer. But, you were right. I don't want to lose anyone anymore. And that is why … that is why I will pilot Eva. I don't want to let others decide anymore. I have to face it, like you do, like Asuka does. I have to be a man. And, even if I can't help, I think I can try."

He stood there for a while, thinking that maybe he should stay with her until she was feeling better. He wouldn't be missed at school—the lectures were always boring and always the same, and Kensuke would fill him in if he missed anything.

The Class Rep. would surely give him an earful, but he knew she too would understand once he told her he'd been looking after Rei Ayanami because nobody else would.

* * *

"I am not happy with Rei's condition," Gendo Ikari said as he walked down the hallway to his office, his gloved hands in his pockets, not looking at the short haired blonde woman that walked alongside him. His flat voice denoted no sign of anger, but Ritsuko could tell he was very much displeased.

That was always going to happen so it didn't concern her much.

"I told you it was not going to be pleasant," Ritsuko said calmly. "Mapping the neural pathways requires a delicate touch. With much of the equipment having to be scrambled on such short notice there was not much that could be done. Besides, it was her first time. The lack of any such previous stimuli makes it worse than it really is."

"You did not have to torture her," Ikari said darkly.

Ritsuko felt a twinge of pleasure course through her like electricity. "I did no such thing," she said at once. "If I really wanted to … "

"You would not be so obvious about it?" Ikari cut her short. "My good Doctor, I know you better than that. If you wanted to hurt her you would not care if you were being obvious or not. You would just do it. Exactly in the same manner as when you destroyed the Dummy."

Ritsuko cursed under her breath. She had never been worried about him finding out—telling Rei to keep quiet about the experiment had other reasons and she was so quiet anyway it was unlikely she would ever complain to anyone. It did bother her that Ikari could figure her out so easily.

"Furthermore," Ikari continued, coming to a stop and finally turning to confront her, "you are responsible for her. Should anything happen to her, you will be held to account. And this time I do not think I will be so lenient as to simply imprison you. I can ill afford such childish behavior even from such a valuable asset as yourself. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir,"Ritsuko replied sharply, doing her best to meet his eyes with hers. "Is that all? I have Unit-02 to attend to."

"For now it is. I understand Unit-02's activation and testing will take most of the day, but once that is done I want you back to working on the new Dummy. I do not like lacking a proper backup any more than I like not having working a working Evangelion. I should hope to have it ready before Unit-00, just in case."

"There is always Unit-01," Ritsuko said.

Ikari seemed to consider his answer carefully, for he took a short moment in which he looked her over from behind his spectacles before saying, "I hope it does not come to that."

* * *

"Locks one through fifteen secured. Hydraulic pressure remains constant. Proceed with safety checklist through item four-twenty-three."

"All personnel remain on alert status orange."

The mechanical voices echoed across the enormous metal and concrete box that formed Unit-02's containment cage as the steel mesh gate to the shuttle elevator opened with a loud racket, allowing its single red-clad passenger to exit.

Asuka, clad in her form-fitting plugsuit, sighed heavily and stepped onto the deck.

The garment had once been as much a symbol of her status as the neural connectors in her hair, and she had loved the way the flimsy red material wrapped tightly around her slim body and enhanced her young, supple curves—she had once even gone as far as padding the hard cups over her modest breasts to make herself appear more voluptuous. It was like wearing a second skin, and for some reason it always felt warm and smelled like her the inside of her Eva, and when she wore it there was no ignoring her presence.

But now, as she walked towards the slick, armored shape of Unit-02, she felt naked. She stood out as the girl who failed miserably, and she had never felt such disgust at being the center of attention.

The containment cage was brightly lit and fairly busy with activity. Wide catwalks and gantries ran along the perimeter of the cage and crisscrossing the large space within, and wrapped around the Evangelion allowing maintenance access.

There were several technicians working on bulky machines on the catwalk in front of her, doing what she didn't care to know. She had never bothered acknowledging them and other than the so-called Bridge Bunnies she couldn't address any of them by name if she wanted to. Why should she? After all, they were just worker bees, drones without faces, and she was the queen and it was their job to tend to her every need.

And now the queen was dead, and the drones looked at her with sympathy and promptly moved out of the way allowing her to walk by.

Asuka scowled at them bitterly, wishing she could spit at them so they would stop looking at her just like Shinji did.

That was how people looked at you when they thought you were useless—when they wouldn't come to see you in the hospital. A look that said, 'Too bad you are alone, Asuka. Too bad you had to lose everything that gave meaning to your life. Too bad they couldn't let you die.'

Really, too bad.

She came to stand under the massive shadow of her once-beloved Evangelion and raised her head. Like her it was clad in red, in its case shiny plates of armor fitted to its slender frame. It had four eyes arrayed in pairs on either side of its face and an oval-shaped head. Two shoulder-mounted pylons held hidden weapons in addition to its standard-issue progressive knife. It was secured to the cage by a large restraining harness anchored with thick hydraulic-driven bolts; a bulky mechanism was fitted to the back of its neck, above the armored insertion jack for the entry-plug.

The plug itself was held on its ready position, lying on a cradle on the top of the mechanism so that it could be secured into place just inside the rim of the jack by a crane standing nearby.

As a machine of total destruction, Unit-02 was both fearful in symmetry and graceful, and had the distinction of being the first Eva meant for production. It had been her pride and joy, her everything. Losing it had felt like losing someone dear to her all over again.

"Oh, hey, I didn't see you there."

Asuka turned just as Shigeru Aoba came walking around the nearest gantry. He had a clipboard in his hands, probably some sort of checklist, and was clearly busy, so she was more than a little surprise when he stopped what he was doing and headed over to her.

He was much taller than Asuka and towered over her. She refused to look up at him and returned her gaze to her Evangelion.

"How are you doing?" Aoba said.

"Fine." She put enough spite in her voice to make it clear she did not want to talk to him.

He hesitated for a second, then bent over so he could speak more privately to her. "Listen, Asuka, I know I really have no place saying things to you, but you have to know--" Aoba smiled at her pleasantly "--that we are all very proud of you. And that we are all rooting for you."

Asuka's eyes widened and something became stuck in her throat—she had not expected that somebody might try to support her. She had no illusion about what would happen, and while she was resigned, she had not expected ... kindness.

It almost felt alien to her.

She turned her head towards him. The sudden encouragement surprisingly managed to bring back a little of her pride out of the pit of despair. She would have never been able to thank him, to even admit that she was thankful that at least one person might not think of her as a harpy, but she got the feeling from him that he didn't expect it from her.

"We want you to do your best, okay?" he said, noticing her reaction. "Give it everything you've got."

Though she was at a loss for words and was not sure she shouldn't just start screaming at him for the insolence of actually _talking_ to her, Asuka nodded halfheartedly.

After returning the gesture with much more enthusiasm than the struggling Second Child, Aoba finished the rest of his routine under her strangely watchful gaze and finally headed off to take his position in the control room.

Left alone with her own thoughts again, it didn't take long for her to forget that there was a whole crew of people who wanted her to do good and returned to her previously grim disposition. She looked back up at Unit-02's familiar form.

Yeah, she told herself, no illusions. This was the moment she had anticipated ever since coming out of the hospital—anticipated and dreaded.

Once the entry-plug was fitted into position, the small groves along its rounded end became caught on the insertion jack, locking into place. Asuka climbed the series of ladders on the loading mechanism that gave her access to the entry-plug's open hatch. Inside was a long, cylindrical space with a command chair situated about halfway down its length.

It was comfy fit, custom made for the shape of her body, and comprised of an impact seat with two control yokes on either side of it and a console in front, nestled between her legs. The targeting computer was located above and behind her head. Asuka hoped she would never have to peer through that thing again.

"Asuka, we are ready to begin," came Ritsuko's voice through the communication system.

When the entry-plug was properly secured she was plunged into darkness. The sound of pouring liquid filled the space and she felt the cold grip of the LCL reach her through her suit. She took a deep breath and tried to relax as she was submerged in it.

"Initiate primary contact."

Asuka tried to ignore her.

Feeling the darkness closing around her, she brought up her legs and wrapped her arms them so that she was curled up in a ball. Her heart felt heavy, like she knew it would because she didn't belong here anymore. This was the place where everything had gone wrong. She had climbed in here and gone into battle knowing that she had to prove herself, but she had never expected to—danger was something she had accepted but—

She had been broken. Her mind had been shredded into tiny, painful ribbons; her beating heart ripped from her chest. And she hadn't even been given a chance to fight back. She had been totally, completely helpless as the Angel had come inside her and … and raped her.

That was the only way to come to understand it.

The Angel hadn't touched her, but emotionally it had forced itself into her and torn her open and defiled her. Asuka had often wondered, when she dared think about the subject at all, if it might be less painful the other way around, if her body could have healed from such an assault more readily than her mind. It hardly mattered--either way she had been scarred for life.

"Voltage is nominal," somebody called from the control room.

"Pulse and harmonics are stable."

"Initiate second set connections."

The darkness flashed into a rainbow of swirling colors as Unit-02 became active and the entry-plug walls transformed into a clear "canopy" that allowed her an unobstructed view of the world—the confined space of the concrete cage--beyond.

"All links connected. Beginning complete systems check."

"Asuka, your synchrograph is extremely erratic. This is not going to work if you can't focus. Try to clear your head," Ritsuko said coldly. "You need to be able to open yourself up to the Eva. It's the only way to clear the starting indicator."

"I'm trying."

Asuka curled up ever tighter and more desperately, holding her head in her hands, twisting her feet one on top of the other and curling her toes.

And in her anguish she could not believe she had once been happy to be chosen as an Evangelion pilot. She wished now that she never had, and that her Mama had loved her enough to take her along with her as she died. And she wished, more than anything that the broken pieces of the proud, arrogant girl she had once been could be swept aside so she could forget and finally resign herself without suffering.

"Try harder." Ritsuko admonished. "If you can't do it, your status will have to be revoked and you will be replaced, this time for good. I know you don't want that. I don't want that either. So, please, for your sake, concentrate."

"I said I'm trying!" Asuka wailed sharply, twisting her mouth into a feral snarl. "Do you think I want to be replaced? I'm trying!"

But, despite her tone, she already knew it was hopeless, and she wished they would all just stop talking to her and leave her alone for good.

"Mama, I'm trying …"

There was not even an echo in the gloom to carry her words.

* * *

Commander Ikari stood in one of observation decks, of which Central Dogma had many, peering intently on the show of light outside the window. The forest stretched below like a giant fungus, and surrounded the lake in a watery cauldron. Above, the huge dome of the Geo-Front, like an extension of Heaven, emanated the light by which life in Central Dogma was sustained. This was his home, his fortress.

"Has the disk been delivered to the Chinese Branch?" Ikari spoke, not even turning to look at his aide.

"Yes." Sub-Commander Fuyutzuki dully nodded. He had confirmation of that fact earlier this morning and already submitted a report. Ikari had read it. He didn't have to ask, as the Commander would not let such a detail slip. The question on his part was simply a matter of the protocol of command: written words were impersonal, having the courage to say what you wrote meant something.

"Good." Ikari said. "Finally Stage One will begin. How is the current situation with the Council?"

"Things are moving as planned," answered Fuyutsuki. "Rather, not moving. They are giving the MOI such a big headache. But I am afraid they will only be able to run interference for us for so long before it becomes tiresome. Once they realize we have no intention of helping them they will drop all pretense."

"It will do."

Fuyutzuki nodded, hoping his superior was right. Politicians were so hard to predict even for someone like Gendo Ikari. Their opinions and dispositions always seemed to change with the wind. It would not be good if they suddenly decided that NERV was not worth having as a friend.

"And the Second Child?" Ikari asked.

"What we expected so far," Fuyutsuki said plainly. "She is much too damaged. Quite frankly I don't understand the necessity of this test."

"There would be no need to expose her if she can make it work on her own. In hindsight it may seem like a waste of already stretched resources, but Doctor Akagi believed it was worth it in the interests of the pilot's safety. The reason I went along with it is because, all things being equal, the weapon we know for sure we can control is better than the weapon we only think we can. I am rather uninterested on whether or not it was waste at this point. All we can do now is prepare the alternative. As far as Unit-02 is concerned it will have to be enough. And Lazarus?"

"Lieutenant Ibuki assures me of our progress," Fuyutzuki said. "She agrees that speeding the mitosis process further is possible, but advises against it. Having Doctor Akagi take a look at her work seemed to have had both a stimulating effect and acted as a reprimand. I am still more concerned about Ritsuko to be honest."

"I am sure there is no need to worry about her," Ikari said, turning his head slightly, the rest of his body remaining perfectly still. "The options available to her have been made quite clear. We have her cooperation…for the time being," he added in a tone that left no doubt what he would do if the blonde woman disobeyed him again. "Anything else?"

Fuyutzuki hesitated, but he had learned that Ikari had no problem with him voicing his doubts to any plan he might have. In fact, he knew that criticism on his part, to a certain extent, was welcome. "Yes," he said. "Is it wise to allow the Chinese access to the coded information in the Tablet?"

"The Chinese government owes me a couple of favors. As long as they do as they are told there will not be a problem. Our schedule will take care of that."

Ikari turned once more to face his fortress through the window. The light, the dome, the forest and lake: his own small world, a world in which he was god. "And I looked and behold, a pale horse. And the name of he that sat on it was Death. And Hell followed with him."

"It is good then," the aging Fuyutzuki added, "that we are not in the business of hell. And, I suppose that it is also good that the one who sits on the horse is not a he."

Ikari just nodded gently. After all this time Fuyutzuki could still tell his love for her was as strong as it had always been. But it wasn't serendipity that they held onto the reins of the horse in her place like they did now. It had been arranged like this.

"I have also been meaning to talk to you about Rei," Ikari said, a graver noted echoing in his voice.

This was perhaps the most serious matter of the conversation. Fuyutzuki stepped closer, saying, "I'm listening."

* * *

Looking at the video feed from inside Unit-02, all Misato could see was the front of Asuka's knees and her mane of red hair.

She had been sitting curled up like that for hours now, not moving or saying a word as Ritsuko updated her with her progress—if it could be called that. Misato had once heard it said that the brightest and hottest flame burns out the quickest. That had been the case with Asuka, and she was no closer to making it past the starting indicator than she had been at the beginning of the test, despite Ritsuko's assurances that she could do it.

Watching the girl on the monitor was as frustrating as it was heartbreaking, because even though she had once thought Asuka should learn a little humility and stop treating those around her like garbage, she had not wanted to see her broken up so badly.

"The problem is entirely psycho-somatic," Ritsuko said. She too had been studying the monitor, and now leaned back on her chair. "It's all in her head."

"After what the Angel did to her …" Misato trailed off.

"Regardless. There is only so much we can manipulate the system. But for all we can do with the interface and modifications to both software and hardware, it is Asuka herself who needs to push through. She's the only one that can do it. That's where the problem lies. We can't help her if she can't help herself."

The control room was arranged in two banks of computer terminals, the first along the front wall, just a few feet away from the heavily reinforced glass that overlooked the Eva's test cage, and second further back. It was close to these that Misato was standing, hunched over Ritsuko's chair. While several of the monitors were focused on Asuka, several others showed her telemetry data, relayed in complex graphs that required engineering degrees to properly understand.

The one graph Misato did recognize was Asuka's synchrograph, a jagged mess of lines all jumbled together that seemed to her a rather accurate, if abstract, depiction of the redhead's mental state.

On the top right corner of this was a number: 4.4%: Asuka's synch-ratio, far bellow the minimum required to operate her Eva.

Misato took her eyes from the monitor and looked out of the observation window high above the brightly-lit steel and concrete box that served as a cage for Unit-02. "Do you think she's given up?"

Ritsuko shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Well, I guess it's good that she's much more determined than Shinji."

"They are not all that different, you know," Ritsuko said. "For both of them, their personal problems dictate how they relate to others and, therefore to their Evas."

Misato had a hard time believing that. If they were really, as Ritsuko put it, not all that different, then they wouldn't find it so hard to get along with each other. She had thought, hoped even, that some of their personalities could rub off on the other so that they might find some middle ground, but that had proven impossible. "I don't think they are alike," she said. "Shinji is much more withdrawn than Asuka."

"There are some superficial differences, but they are nothing more than skin deep," Ritsuko said in a flat, rather unemotional tone as if she were talking about something she'd read in a textbook. "Shinji's defense mechanism is to be passive, moving away from people. Asuka is aggressive, actively pushing people away. Both these defenses stem from the same issue--that is the fear of being hurt by others. In that, Asuka is like a cat in a box."

Misato frowned, confused. "How so?"

"If you put a cat in a box, it will be afraid at first, it will wail and scratch and try to get out." Ritsuko hadn't taken her gaze away from the image of the redhead on the screen, but now she see was staring intently, a concentration evident in her brown eyes. "But after a while it will get used to the dark and will grow more comfortable there. It will feel safe and will stay without a struggle. Then, if you open the box and try to take the cat out, it will fight and it will hurt you, lashing out at you until you let it go and close the box. Most people will just let the cat be and eventually it will starve."

An odd sadness came over her voice as she said this. "But someone who cares about the cat will endure the pain and hold on to it, and the cat will come to feel safe with that person and accept them and it will stop lashing out because it will no longer be afraid."

"Are you saying someone needs to take Asuka out of her box?" Misato said. She was interested now; she grabbed a nearby chair and sat down next to the doctor. She didn't really think Asuka was like a cat—animals couldn't choose how they treated people—but Ritsuko, who lived alone except for her cats, knew more about those kinds of behavior than she did.

"No," Ritsuko shook her head. "The Angel ripped the box away from her. And she was left exposed, frightened, and had nobody to feel safe with. That really is the heart of the problem."

Misato thought she understood. She cast a soft glance at the girl on the screen—Asuka looked so small like that. "So you think she's afraid?"

"Honestly, I think she's terrified. That is why she lashes out the way she does. To keep people away from her because in her mind they will only hurt her. That is a natural response: all animals fear pain. And that fear also makes her unable to synch with the Eva. She can't open up to anyone or anything, and that includes Unit-02."

Misato sighed. "Well, if all she needs is someone willing to let her hurt them—"

"It's much more specific than that. And I don't think it's about hurting other people. The willing desires of the human heart are not something that is ever defined in general terms." She crossed her stocking-covered legs. "Desire is hard to understand. We can't test it or measure it. We can only live with it."

"Um." Misato twisted her lips sardonically. "You know, even when you talk about things like these you always sound so detached, like you are talking about a disease or something."

That comment was meant as a slight insult to Ritsuko's regular heartlessness, but her face remained unmoved. If she was offended at all by it, she didn't show it. "I am a scientist not a therapist."

"Nobody will ever argue otherwise."

"The point is, even understanding what causes Asuka's hubris doesn't mean we can fix it," Ritsuko said, ignoring Misato's tone. "That's something only she can do, and that only if she wants to."

"Ritsuko, you are not seriously suggesting that she wants to feel like this." Misato pointed a finger at the screen. "Look at her. How could anyone want to live like that?"

"She hasn't told you to stop yet," Ritsuko replied flatly.

Misato felt hot outrage at that statement, not only because it reaffirmed her view of Ritsuko as being less than humane but also because she was right; Asuka hadn't asked them to stop.

"But I am not saying she wants to, either," Ritsuko said. "However, I think for her the alternative is not worth living for, either. It has to be her way or no way at all. That way she is also like Shinji. They both think it's only themselves that matter—their own hurt. They are unable to look at themselves through the eyes of others. And as they are unable to understand how others see them, they are also unable to understand how to see themselves."

It was rather hypocritical for someone like Ritsuko to talk like this; she was guilty of the same thing she was accusing Shinji and Asuka of. And so was Misato herself.

So, while Ritsuko might be right, and Asuka was responsible for her own misery, Misato owed it to her ward and to do what she could to lessen that feeling—and clearly they had gathered as much data as they could for today, since Ritsuko had gone through nearly her entire checklist, which meant there wasn't much of a point prolonging it.

"I think we should call it a day," Misato said, firmly enough to make it known it wasn't just an opinion. She rose from her chair. "I've got time between shifts. I'm taking her home."

Ritsuko's expression told her she disagreed, but she said nothing. She nodded her assent. Around the control room, the weary faces of the small cadre of operators who had been keeping watch on Asuka's data without a break appeared relieved behind their computers. Once the order was given, termination procedures were initiated, engulfing the room in a flurry of activity.

Groaning with effort, Ritsuko stood up next to Misato and returned the other woman's sympathetic frown with a look that said that her sympathy was not necessary or wanted. That didn't prevent Misato from thinking Ritsuko was pushing herself as recklessly as she was pushing Asuka.

A bad thing for both of them.

* * *

"Ah, Lieutenant, glad you could make it," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said as Maya entered his office, his warm tone making Maya all the more uncomfortable.

"With all due respect sir, would you please explain why I was summoned?" Maya said, her voice was merely a whisper. She was tired and mad, and failed to hide those facts. Finally her work had allowed her to find some time to go home, and just when she was getting ready to leave, the Sub-Commander asked her for a meeting. It just wasn't fair.

Fuyutsuki gazed at the young Lieutenant who stood before him, sizing her up. Maya felt as if she would fall asleep while talking to him. Her eyes where only half-open, and she had to blink constantly to keep herself awake. She was aware that to the Sub-Commander she likely resembled a prisoner that had been sleep deprived for weeks. She thought it would be nice if he decided she wasn't up to the task he had selected for her.

"I must apologize," Fuyutsuki said, sounding like he meant it. "I know you were ready to call it a day, but there is some work that needs to be done. Doctor Akagi is much too preoccupied at the moment. You understand?"

Maya sighed, knowing that her hopes for going home had just gone down the drain. Another night on a hard, cold bunk for poor Maya. "Yes, sir."

"Good." Fuyutsuki shoved his hand in his pocket and came up with a small disk. "This is part of the coding for Unit 00's new programming interface that will go along with the operating system we will be implementing. It needs to be compiled. That will be your task since you are in charge of Lazarus. The Doctor has already written the required algorithms to accomplish this but it needs to be pushed through the MAGI for full compatibility with our other systems."

Maya's back stiffened. She was suddenly more awake. "Sir, speaking about the new OS, I believe that we should activate Unit 00 using the old command program before switching to the new. We don't even know if Rei can use Unit 00 anymore," she said. "And, honestly, I'm a little concerned about the program. I mean, I trust Dr. Akagi, but … well, I've never seen anything like it. I'm not sure—"

"Lieutenant Ibuki, that code was designed for use with the formatting capabilities of the Eva's computer systems. You shouldn't be concerned with anything other than making the Eva work, by any means."

"The pilot's well-being concerns me as well, sir. I am responsible for Rei's life, and fear that using the new code will hamper her ability to synch with the Eva safely." She didn't mean to lecture him but realized that's how it came out. Her voice became softer as she added, "I just don't think it's safe, sir."

She hoped that the Sub-Commander would agree with her. He nodded, taking in her uneasiness. Maya had always thought he looked like the least likely person to help run an organization such a NERV. His lined faced and slick gray hair gave him a quality of wise age, but he had always seemed more like a kind uncle than a commanding officer to Maya. He lack the sense intimidation Commander Ikari had about him, making him easier to approach. She also knew he was always likely to listen.

"We are aware of the pilot's limitations," he said with an expression of understanding. He was aware of her concern. "If we believed that Rei would be unable to use the Eva, we wouldn't have deemed this appropriate. We are not going about this without giving proper thought to every step we take."

"Yes, sir." Maya stretched out her hand and took the disk from Fuyutsuki.

"Good, then. I should expect some progress for tomorrow. Have a good evening." And with that Fuyutsuki dismissed her.

Maya saluted and left.

The hallways in Central Dogma were empty. The short-haired Lieutenant made her way to the small box-like quarters which had for the last weeks, become home. Maya slid the key into the lock and forced herself to turn it. She did not want to be here. The place was small and bare; there was a bunk on the far corner, and desk, a computer, and a door, which led to a bathroom.

Maya grabbed her coffee flask and noticing that it was empty decided to get it filled. She walked down the hall and took a flight of elevator to the nearest vending machine located just outside the main bridge. She smiled weakly when she saw Junichi Nakayima talking animatedly with Shigeru Aoba and Haruna Ieil, the member of the bridge crew who had taken up Maya's duties and Aoba's girlfriend of the month.

"Hullo, guys." Maya said, with all the cheerfulness she could muster, but not nearly enough. She placed her flask bellow the machine's nozzle intended for cups and swiped her card. It beeped and started pouring.

"Good evening, ma'am." Haruna said. A smile came to her sharp features.

Technically, Maya was her superior officer, but she had never cared much for rank. She waved away the salute. "Don't do that. I'm not in the mood."

"Are you going home, Lieutenant Ibuki?" Nakayima said. He was holding onto a cup of the machine's barely-excusable coffee and a nutritional—or so they were labeled—granola substitute bar that was already more than half eaten. Apparently, she wasn't the only who hadn't gotten a descent meal and that made her feel a little better.

"No. Can't. I have work to do." Maya said, retrieving her flask and taking a swig, recoiling from the bitter taste but thankful for the much needed intake of precious caffeine.

"Come on, Maya. How much longer can you keep going like this?" Aoba sounded concerned. "I mean, you'll work yourself to death."

"THEY will work me to death," Maya said, regretfully shaking her head. "It's not like I'm a fan of ritual suicide. And the Sub-Commander just gave me some more things to do."

Aoba shook his head too, sympathetically. "Maya, Maya, you've got to tell them that you are not a robot."

"It comes with the territory. If you want to be boss, you gotta put in the long hours."

"Spoken like a true workaholic." Nakayima said.

Maya just nodded absently, then she turned to the agent. She hated that uniform, it made all those who wore it seem ... nasty somehow. It was the color: NERV's was a nice, neutral tan and white, cut along military lines but without the rigidity; the MOI's was black, the sort of thing one would see on storm troopers from an age past; ominous.

Nakayima was a nice enough guy, at times he could even be charming and if she weren't—well, if she wasn't herself she might have liked him. Anyway, the uniform didn't suit him at all.

"Don't you have to be somewhere?" Maya asked.

"Me?" Nakayima said, exaggeratedly mocked indignation. "You mean doing something other than vending machine talk? Pushing papers? Oppressing the townspeople?"

"Precisely." Maya said and turned to Aoba and Haruna. Damn, I can see why he likes her, she thought "You guys going out?"

The operator nodded and slid his arm around his girlfriend's waist. "Yep. I am gonna show her that Tokyo-3 is not only Angels and mayhem, well, maybe a little mayhem. You can tag along if…"

Maya cut him off with a hard glance.

Aoba rubbed the back of his neck apologetically with his free hand. "Sorry. I forgot."

"You better go, before you feel the necessity of staying to make me company." Maya said, noticing how Haruna was tugging at Aoba's sleeve.

Aoba nodded, though Maya noticed he did so rather hesitantly. "Good night, Maya," he said.

"Good night, Lieutenant," Haruna said.

Maya waved them goodnight as they walked away, hoping she could go with them if only for the change of scenery that being outside and getting some fresh air would bring. When they were gone she was felt alone with Nakayima, chewing his fake granola bar.

"It seems that everyone's got a life but me." She said without bothering to look at him.

"I bet it is not because you don't want to." Nakayima said.

"No, because I can't. And now, if you excuse me, I wish I had time to stay and chat, but I have work to do."

Nakayima made a face, his narrow features opening in an imitation of curiosity. "Why are you NERV people always looking for excuses to avoid me? I don't have the plague or anything. I swear, I'm up on all my shots."

Maya found that amusing, which she thought was just the effect it was meant to have. Charming alright, she thought.

"We don't need excuses to avoid you," she said, keeping her voice light, and began walking away. "You are MOI. All we need is common sense."

* * *

Saving the world by piloting a gigantic bio-mechanical weapon of mass destruction had never meant that Shinji Ikari was excused from doing household chores. That hadn't changed.

And since neither Misato nor Asuka was ever inclined to do it themselves, the laundry always fell into that category. He didn't really mind, similarly to how he didn't mind cooking for them; it gave him something to do that didn't require interaction with people. It was one of the few things he could do on his own that had nothing to do with Eva.

Such things had given meaning to everyday life outside Unit-01's entry plug.

Shinji scooped up the scattered bits of clothing from the apartment's three occupants that lay thrown about carelessly into the laundry basket, then picked it up from the bathroom floor and carried it over to the small washroom alcove.

Placing the basket on top of the washing machine, he emptied it out and then began sorting the contents, carefully separating the whites from the colors and stacking them in neat little piles. Shinji had done this so many times it was nearly automatic.

Most of his day had been spent with Rei, watching over her as she slept, the sheets twisted around her, her slender, beautifully pale form curled into a fetal position. He felt no shame in seeing her like that, exposed in a way that would make Asuka rage if she were in the other girl's place. Rei was so passive it was as if her near nudity was the most natural thing in the world, both for her and for Shinji.

It was early afternoon by the time she awoke. Satisfied that she was now feeling better, Shinji decided not to impose on her any longer, and to give her the privacy she didn't care to ask for. Rei would never ask him to leave, he realized, even if she didn't understand why he had stayed with her in the first place. She had said nothing as he bade her goodbye and walked to the door.

He knew not to take offense at her indifference. What would have been weird for other teenagers was just Rei being herself. He seemed to accept that of her with remarkable, not to mention uncharacteristic, ease. Being with her was just--

Shinji shook his head, his mind drifting back to the present, to his chores, and to the fact that he needed to finish with the laundry and get started on dinner.

Asuka, he knew, would snicker derisively and jeer that he was pathetically housebroken. It seemed to bother her that being stuck with the lowliest tasks didn't upset him the way she seemed to think it should. Of course, the redhead had much higher standards, and just because it was beneath her didn't mean it was beneath him.

The fact was that without Shinji doing the very things she made fun of him for none of them would have anything clean to wear, or have dishes to eat on, or have anything to eat that wasn't flash frozen and loaded with chemicals and preservatives. He kept this household running—he suspected even Asuka recognized that. He wouldn't like her nicknaming him "Mama Shinji" for his efforts, but he did feel some pride in what he did.

Not that Shinji wouldn't have welcomed the help. Originally, all three roommates were supposed to divvy up the chores, rotating every week on who did what, when. Misato was too busy working and was hardly ever home, so she was excused. Asuka, in her normal fashion, had thrown a temper tantrum and gotten off the rotation.

Amazing how much she resembled a spoiled little girl when the need suited her. She always got her way, too—it was easier than arguing with her. Just once he wanted to see her lift a finger for someone else. Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Doing the laundry by himself did have its perks, though.

As Shinji reached the bottom of the unsorted pile of clothes he held up a pair of Asuka's well-worn, surprisingly plain cotton panties.

When she had first moved in, the haughty redhead had made a racket about laundry, refusing to let him touch hers. She gave that up once she realized that having someone doing her wash trumped anything he might do. She wasn't thankful; if anything she seemed to think he ought to thank her for the privilege. Eventually it had become another form of teasing, and she would accuse him whether he did anything or not.

Typical Asuka, Shinji thought. She was so ambiguous when it came to her blooming sexuality, flaunting it purposefully and then yelling at anyone that noticed, who mostly happened to be him. Her constant put-downs were a source of shame, making him feel as though he shouldn't even be looking at her. But he couldn't help it.

No matter how fastidious or obnoxious she could be, when consumed by the flames of arousal it was almost impossible for Shinji to think of anything aside from Asuka and her sex.

He brushed his fingers absently on the panties, touching the spot where the flimsy material of the gusset would press up against the haughty redhead when worn. His body responded by stiffening pleasantly at the sensation.

Unlike whatever Asuka might think, this was not a habit he often engaged in. He did try to respect her privacy; he just failed some times. And then he...

Then he heard the apartment door slid open with a hiss.

Immediately a rush of hot blood rose to his cheeks, and he shoved the panties deep in the nearest laundry pile in a flash of panic, embarrassingly aware that Asuka would never stop calling him a pervert if she actually caught him red-handed.

"We are home," he heard Misato call, then hearing more familiar sounds as she and Asuka removed their shoes on the landing.

His cheeks now flushed furiously, he thought it would look suspicious if he didn't come out to greet them; he picked up the basket again and held it in front of him trying to hide his raging erection, and stepped from the tiny washroom into the kitchen.

As he did this he caught a glimpse of Asuka walking around the far side of the heavy wooden table in the middle, headed for the living room doorway.

Before her angry expression and posture could register in his head he asked, "How did it go?"

Asuka stopped on her tracks and turned to him. The blue orbs of her eyes seemed to be on fire. "How do you think, stupid?" she said, snarling. "I can't even make it go! I can't do anything!"

"I—I don't…" Shinji stammered, completely at a loss. "You did your best, didn't you?"

The words had come out just as soon as he had thought them, and the suddenness of it left him unable to stop himself. He had to say something … at that moment there didn't seem to be anything more important in the entire world.

"My best?" Asuka said, her face was furious, her fists clenched. "MY BEST IS NOTHING!"

Shinji swallowed uncomfortably, his throat suddenly very dry; his mind seized up, as if it simply could not shift into a higher gear to keep up with her anger.

The fanciful image he carried in his mind never lasted when faced with the harsh reality. She wasn't and would never be anything he wished her to be. His imagining of her was just a selfish desire, not affection. Just like his concern.

Asuka knew it. He could see the disgust on her face—how dare he ask such a stupid question? How dare he pretend that he cared?

"Don't yell at him, Asuka," Misato said as she came into the kitchen. She leaned on the door frame, wrapping her arms around herself. Though her voice was serious there was no anger in it. "It's not his fault."

"He can defend himself!" Asuka bellowed, quickly rounding on her—a reprieve for which Shinji was grateful. "And I'll yell at him if I want to!"

"He's just trying to help," Misato explained calmly, though she wasn't looking at the redhead.

"I don't want his help! I don't want yours! I'm so sick of this!"

Asuka turned sharply on her pink heels, her short skirt flaring up as she did so, and stormed off loudly. Her bedroom door was heard slamming shut violently seconds later.

It was a sign of how low their relationship had come, Shinji thought sadly, that her outburst didn't surprise him in the slightest. She had always been hot-tempered, but ever since coming out of the hospital she had become just plain bitter. Given what happened to her, perhaps it was understandable.

What the Angel had done.

Again Shinji felt the now-familiar twinge of guilt.

If anyone could relate it was him, having had his own close encounters on several occasions. But how could he, an awkward boy just over fourteen who couldn't even confront his own issues, help someone as stout-hearted as Asuka, who didn't know the meaning of compassion or sympathy and would just as soon throw them back in his face?

He was afraid of her, afraid of coming that little bit closer that would make all of her insults really hurt. But if he kept his distance maybe things would go back to the way they were before. He didn't feel like he had a choice.

Shinji shook his head dejectedly. And as he turned to Misato he was confronted by another, more immediate problem.

"Um..."

It was the first time in a long while the two of them were left alone. They stood there perfectly still, neither saying a word nor looking at the other. Shinji struggled to get a hold of himself, to push Asuka back far enough in his mind so that he could bring out the things he wanted to say. For someone who had made it a character trait to apologize compulsively, it seemed such a difficult thing to do now—if only because he was very aware of how badly and purposefully he had cut her.

Her eyes were focused on the table, almost like she was afraid. He didn't deserve to be looked after and cared for by someone like her, someone to whom he meant so much. Now more than at any other moment he hated what he had done.

But the words for everything he wanted to say wouldn't come.

Misato sighed and turned.

"Don't mind her," she said softly. "Asuka's had a rough day. You know how she gets."

Misato followed the same path as the redhead around the table into the living room, disappearing momentarily from sight, then returned holding her red jacket. Shinji hadn't even noticed that she was not wearing it until now, and he found that strange because it had become as much a part of his mental image of her as Rei's uniform and Asuka's neural connectors.

She then went to use the bathroom, noticing the partially done laundry stacked on top of the washing machine before closing the door behind her. Shinji didn't get the sense she was trying to avoid him; he was the one who couldn't find a convenient opening.

It was hard. He knew he wanted to apologize, but didn't quite know how to take back all the awful things he'd already said.

When Misato stepped back into the landing and began putting on her shoes, Shinji could remain silent no longer. He went along with her, now holding onto the sides of the laundry basket so tightly it hurt.

"You aren't staying for dinner?" he said cautiously.

"Not tonight," Misato said, running a finger along the rim of her left boot to fit it properly, she had not undone her laces. Then she did the other one. "I've got double shift. Hey--" she stopped and for a second seemed taken aback and straightened up. "You are talking to me now?"

Shinji was so ashamed of himself he could not keep his pale blue eyes focused on her; instead he dropped his gaze into the basket. "I—I talked to Rei."

"Uh?"

"And she said," he continued, "that if I won't do anything because I am afraid, then I shouldn't be, because then I have nothing else worth losing."

Misato didn't say anything.

Shinji kept his eyes down, wanting to avoid looking up and see the look on her face that would tell him he had better come up with something else if he wanted to be forgiven. She didn't have to forgive him at all; he wouldn't blame her if she never did. "I'm sorry, Misato."

"So Rei said that, uh?" Misato said finally.

Shinji nodded, expecting her to berate him savagely like Asuka did.

But then, Misato laughed. A soft, pleasant laugh, and it so surprised him that he looked up to find a faint smile on her pretty face.

"Yeah," she said. "That does sound like something she would say. It's spooky how she comes up with stuff like that. In a good way, really."

"Misato …" Shinji was no longer certain she had heard his apology. "I said I'm so--"

She held up her hand and he fell quiet.

"Don't. You don't have to say you're sorry for what you feel. You were right before. I can't make you pilot Eva—I don't want to make you. That's your choice. All I want is for you to know that your choices affect everyone around you."

Shinji took in those words with a gentle nod and bowed his head. Misato wasn't trying to sermonize him or rub in the fact that he had been wrong like he'd feared; it was just sincere advice. The apprehension that had surrounded all previous thoughts of talking to his guardian was replaced by am affectionate feeling of warmth.

Even if he didn't think he deserved, he got the feeling she understood.

"Well, I really should be going," Misato said, an upbeat tone in her voice that hadn't been there before. "Listen, make sure Asuka gets something to eat, okay? Don't tell her I said that. She won't like it. She isn't—her habits are not very healthy if you don't nag her." She gave him a thumbs-up. "So that's your mission for tonight, got it?"

"Easier said than done," Shinji replied gloomily. "Sounds like a suicide mission."

Misato smiled cautiously. "It's got to be easier than catching an Angel falling from orbit, right?" She waved him off, tucked her jacket underneath an arm, and left the apartment.

Shinji saw her out the door still holding the laundry basket tightly, its weight reminding him that despite everything there was still ordinary life to be had—that was if Asuka didn't slit his throat for asking if she wanted beef or chicken for dinner.

Sighing heavily, he determined not to make Asuka's life any harder. She had been at NERV all day, and she hated the cafeteria food. Shinji would bet his S-DAT she was hungry.

But he couldn't bring himself to bother her with such a trivial thing as asking what she wanted to eat. She probably wouldn't appreciate it very much and might not even want whatever he made regardless, but he could do nothing else for her. Yes, he'd make her dinner, something he knew she'd like, and he'd leave it on the table for her. Ready whenever she was.

* * *

After the heated exchange with her roommates, Asuka lay on her bed for a long time hugging her pillow and staring at the door, wishing that for once Shinji had been able to keep from getting on her nerves. A part of her wanted it to open, to reveal him standing on the other side; the same part that wanted him come and take her shoulders and tell her that he would be there; the same part of herself that she absolutely hated.

But she didn't believe that getting whatever she might want from Shinji was a real possibility; even after she had kissed him he had just stood there flabbergasted. She had waited for him, eyes almost watering from the emotions she had repressed for so long, mouth dry, heart pounding uncontrollably in her chest. She had waited but he didn't move, didn't do anything.

When his gaze dropped to the floor between her feet she had started yelling at him, rushing to the bathroom and making a show of rinsing the taste out of her mouth.

That was the first time Asuka thought she should hate him. He had abandoned her, leaving her to wallow in her own miserable loneliness, just like he had again now. Like her own mother had; like Kaji; like Unit-02 and everything else that had made her feel special and wanted.

But how could Shinji, who of all people should know what it felt like, keep doing that to her?

It hurt so badly, she had to admit regardless of her pride, to not even be able to get stupid Shinji to pay attention to her. Or to show any sign that she might be something to him other than the awful redhead he was forced to share an apartment with. She hated Shinji for ignoring her, but oddly she found that she didn't want to hate him. Rather, she wanted him to ease her lonely existence, to at least try. If he could do that she would find it within herself to forgive him. Just a little.

And just enough to perhaps allow something else to fill her heart.

But Shinji had Wonder Girl to care about.

That was the last straw. The feelings of dejection and misery that had tormented her throughout Unit-02's activation had become a part of her life for so long she had almost come to accept them as inevitable, but knowing that Shinji had consciously chosen a mindless porcelain doll instead of her was more than Asuka could stand.

She tugged at her pillow, pulling it slightly from underneath her head so she could more fully wrap her arms around it, and screwed her blue eyes shut.

And feeling utterly pathetic fought the overwhelming urge to cry.

* * *

Misato Katsuragi wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to keep warm. The room was dark and very cold--freezing, sub-zero cold produced by the liquid nitrogen used to cool down the MAGI's mainframe. She sat on the floor, leaning against a wall, knees drawn up to her chest, her breath condensed in front of her nose, giving her something to amuse herself with while Hyouga finished wiring the MAGI to his laptop.

She hadn't really wanted to get him into this, but she was in need of his expertise with computers and decryption. She had managed to pull some information, thanks to the codes left by Kaji, but she had hit a brick wall lately. Hyouga had theorized that it was probably due to the encryption keys having been changed recently.

Unfortunately, that meant they would have to hack MAGI's firewall instead of simply by-passing it.

"I apologize for getting you into this," Misato said.

Hyouga turned and pulled at the connection cables he presently held. "No problem. At least you were nice enough to ask."

Misato smiled innocently. "I guess I could have pulled a gun on you if you refused."

Hyouga plugged the cables to some sort of terminal, and then plugged the terminal to his computer. He set the laptop on the floor and sat besides the Major.

"I would have done it myself, but I'm not that good of a hacker. This could get you into trouble," Misato said, leaning over Hyouga's shoulder as he began typing commands on his keyboard. He could feel her breath on the back of his neck.

"I would never say no to a friend," Hyouga said.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Hyouga replied, without taking his eyes off the computer screen. "All right. I got through the firewall. We should be able to do our business and get out before MAGI can pinpoint the security breach. Do you have a disk or do you want me to download it to my computer hard drive?"

"No. It wouldn't be good for you to get caught with this stuff." Misato reached into her pocket and produced a disk, which she handed to Hyouga. The operator took it, inserted it into his laptop and began copying the files Misato had requested.

"My question to you, if I may, is why are YOU doing it?" he asked, turning away from the computer to look at Misato, who had leaned back after giving him the disk. "If the Commander finds out, the consequences will be…"

Misato cut him short. "I know, but I have to find the truth," she said.

"But is it worth it?" Hyouga asked, with genuine concern.

"The truth will set you free, Hyouga," Misato said in a soft voice. Once again she drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, closing her eyes, since she no longer felt like looking at the darkened world around her. "The truth will set you free."

He said nothing as he turned back to the the glow of the laptop's bright LCD screen. Misato let him go. As talkative was she was there was no point in harassing him when he was trying to work, and she felt that anything she might say would sound like trying to justify what she was doing. What she was getting him to do for her.

For the next few minutes there was only the quiet hum of machinery and the tapping on keys on a keyboard. And then she heard ...

The hairs stood up on the back of her neck for reasons completely unrelated to the cold. "Did you hear that?" she whispered.

Hyouga's head came up and he looked around. "No. What?"

"Keystrokes," Misato said, rolling quietly onto her knees.

"Major ..." Hyouga shifted his sitting posture sideways, looking at her like she was going crazy. "I'm typing."

Misato shook her head. "Not you. Much fainter."

She got to her feet, and reached into her jacket for her gun.

"Major!" Hyouga said as loudly as someone who was trying to whisper could. Misato moved around him into the dark. "Major, if you think we've been caught we need to get out of here."

"If we'd been caught we'd know it already," Misato said. "Stay put and don't make any noise."

In the darkness and the cold, Misato could feel her heart pounding in her chest with incredible clarity. Blind people often said that loosing sight merely enhanced other senses to near superhuman levels. She wondered if that's what it was. The little pinpricks of red diodes from the computers rose like pedestals of stars around her. A human, man-made galaxy among the black void.

Her gun was freezing in her hands, her breath turning into a mist in front of her. She made to the opposite end of the room, looking around. Nothing, just more computers. And something on the floor.

A ladder.

Misato had been aware that the computer towers extended both above and bellow the floor, but she had never considered that this room might have more than one floor. She was beginning to feel increasingly foolish—even if what she heard were keystrokes, this floor and empty and nobody could have gone down the ladder without her and Hyouga noticing. Curiosity, however, got the better of her.

The metal rungs on the ladder were cold. She winced at the touch while still holding her gun on her right hand. She had no problem descending with just her feet and one hand.

The room bellow was much what she expected, towers of equipment, red diodes, and humming. But she could tell by the way the light seemed to extend into infinity that this level was actually very much larger than the one above. Misato stood at the foot of the ladder, looking around. Concentrating on her hearing, she tried to penetrate the darkness, hoping to pick up the faint noise again.

God, she felt stupid.

This place was a maze—level built on level. Like everything Misato thought she knew about NERV, she had only scratched the surface. In the cold and the dark she found that a terrifying thought.

* * *

To be continued …


	3. Hatred

Notes: Well, this took a lot longer than originally anticipated. It doesn't help that part of it have been written for over a year--the best parts too. Thanks go to Big D and Jimmy (and maybe Mike but I don't know yet :p ). Anyway, I think this takes care of most of the rewrite because the following chapters are not as bad as the first three. There are still things I'm not happy about but I'm always doing that. Review if you like. Who knows, maybe I'll actually finish the story.

* * *

**Evangelion Genocide: Extended**

"**Hell is ... other people." --Jean Paul Sartre.**

**Genocide 0:03 / Hatred**

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* * *

  
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Misato Katsuragi got home feeling more dead than alive, which lately seemed to be the rule rather than the exception. She couldn't believe there had been a time when she had actually liked her job--when her sense of duty had pushed her through countless all-nighters without thinking of it as a chore. Right now, though, the warm glow of idealism long snuffed out, she wanted nothing more than to slump down on her bed and sleep. It was a luxury she rarely had, and one of the very few things she still managed to enjoy.

As soon as she entered the apartment she heard the whispering of the TV. Voices too soft and muted to make out properly, almost like ghostly whispers in the back of her head. She had told the children not to leave the TV on when they weren't watching—it was a waste of energy and did not help with the power bill—but things had been so strained lately that she didn't blame them if they disobeyed such an unimportant rule.

Closing the door behind her, Misato took off her shoes on the landing, absently rubbing her tired feet, and flicked on the kitchen light to see where she was headed, She walked into the living room and stopped on her tracks.

To her surprise, she found Asuka lying on her belly in front of the TV set, resting her chin on her hands, completely oblivious to Misato's entrance. In the flickering lights of the gloving tube Misato could see a deeply thoughtful expression on her young face.

Misato didn't want to startle the girl. She thought about simply slipping quietly to her bedroom, but there was something ...

Ever since Asuka came out of the hospital Misato had been too busy to talk to her, to see how she was doing; how she was coping. They rarely saw each other, incidentally through her odd schedule or even because they were subconsciously trying to avoid one another. It didn't matter why, not really. Either way, she felt guilt that she couldn't dedicate as much time to the girl as she deserved, especially with all that was going on in her life.

And after being the one who had talked her into coming home from the hospital, Misato felt a particular sense of responsibility to her. Asuka was her ward, yes, and that made it obligatory that she'd be concerned for her well-being. But what she felt was more than a obligation. More like the sort of duty she had once felt for her job. She owed Asuka her concern as someone close to her--the only thing she now that approached what others might call family.

Misato cleared her throat, hoping the noise would alert Asuka to her presence, and finally said, "It's late, Asuka. What are you doing up?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Asuka replied in a harsh whisper. She didn't move a muscle; her eyes were still on the screen. "I'm watching a show."

"Go to bed," Misato said, hoping to sound motherly rather than overbearing. "You have a very important test tomorrow. And this time you are also going to school. I know you don't care about it, but you are not playing hookie again. You aren't sick."

Asuka said nothing—she just stared blankly at the TV.

Misato looked at her, trying to see how she'd react then sighed, not sure if the redhead had heard her. "Asuka?"

"What?" Asuka yelled back, her bare shoulders tensed visibly. It was as if just talking with Misato caused her anger to rise beyond control.

"I..." Misato began, but had problems finding the right words. She couldn't treat Asuka like a child, even if she thought she very much was a child. Unlike Shinji, Asuka was so haughty it prohibited any sympathy she might be willing offer. But she had to say something. She had to let her know that she didn't have to carry the burden of being an Eva pilot and a teenager all alone.

"If you want me too," Misato finally managed, "I can talk with Ritsuko and have her stop the tests. Just for a little while. Until you feel up to it again."

There a long moment of silence.

"Why?" Asuka asked simply, her face remaining stony, something hollow sounding in her usual shrill voice. Like she didn't even understand what Misato was offering.

Misato thought about what Ritsuko had said--about Asuka being a like a cat. She hadn't really wanted to believe someone like Ritsuko would know anything about a person's feelings, especially complex ones like a young girl's, but she had to admit she was right. Asuka might not be afraid, but she had been left alone and abandoned inside her little box for so long that she even forgotten what compassion sounded like. Partly, it was Misato's own fault.

"I...don't think the tests are good for you," Misato replied quietly. "I think you could use a break."

"Since when have you been concerned with what is good for me?" Asuka asked, sarcastically. She turned her head slightly so that she could look at Misato out of the corner of her eye, as if measuring her response. Her blue eyes glinted in the glow of the television--icy jewels hard enough to cut diamonds.

"I've always been concerned." Misato said, trying not to let her guilt come across in her words.

Asuka looked her over, eyes moving up and down intently, her feet crossed at the ankles swinging back and forth ever so gently in the air. Then a look of distaste came over her young features, as if she were holding something she didn't like in her mouth. "Only because it's part of your job." She narrowed her eyes. "And only when it's convenient to you."

It hurt to realize she was right. It hurt all the more because Misato would have liked to believe that deep down inside she did care, but the short moments she shared with her ward, when she saw her really early in the morning as she was getting ready for school or later at night simply never allowed her to show it.

But she did care, though perhaps she didn't show it as she should. It was just so hard to care for someone like her ... she didn't make it easy.

"That's not true, Asuka," Misato said honestly, feeling the need to defend herself from the redhead's statements.

"I suppose it's not true, even though you never came to see me in the hospital," Asuka said harshly, looking away from Misato and fixed her gaze back on the television. "I suppose it's not true even though you never talk to me. Everything you need to know about me is in my file, right?"

Something heavy hit Misato in the chest. "It's not...like that. I was just busy. Before. So much happened in so little time, I just never got around to it."

"I suppose it just wasn't very convenient."

"Asuka..." The Major shook her head. "You can't really believe that."

"That's fine," Asuka said. "I don't want you to be concerned for me, just don't say that it isn't true. Don't lie to me. I'm grown up now. I can deal with the truth."

"I was concerned, but..." Misato began but the right words would not come. How could she justify having abandoned Asuka when she couldn't even justify it to herself? "Asuka, you are grown up. But you have to understand that some times we can't do the things we wish we could do."

"You don't even believe that. If you are concerned--and I'm not saying you are--then it's only because it makes you feel better with yourself," Asuka added. "It makes you feel like a less horrible person. Like the idiot. It has nothing to do with me."

Misato fell silent and just stared at her, stunned at having her words thrown back in her face and knowing all the while that nothing she was being told was wholly untrue.

Asuka appeared indifferent to the argument, for her voice didn't betray a single hint of emotion, not even the anger Misato thought she should rightfully feel.

She had no more things to say. Asuka was right; she certainly had a thing for speaking her mind, and that usually meant being brutally honest. She was good at that. Maybe, Misato decided, her concern for Asuka was merely out of convenience. Certainly that could be the case with someone like her. It was strange to understand how she had managed to miss the point the redhead had just made: that it made her feel like a less horrible person. Because it was exactly was she was doing--doing things out of self-interest, like being concerned for someone only when that someone affected her.

"It has everything to do with you because ..." Misato tried, but again could not finish that sentence. She dropped her head. "Then I guess I can't make you change your mind. I know I can't reach you. But I hope you do realize that, despite everything, there are still people around you. Now. People who don't want to see you suffer."

"Those people can go to hell. I don't need them."

"I'm sorry that's how you see it." Misato sighed in resignation. "Good night, Asuka. Go to bed—that's an order from your superior officer."

She turned around and locked herself in her room without hearing a response from the German girl. She collapsed on her bed exhausted, too tired to bother removing her clothes, and waited for the oblivion of sleep to envelop her.

* * *

She remembered the dirty, checkered tiled floor and filthy bed but not much else.

The air was heavy, loaded with dust and the smell of decay as if nobody had been here in a long time. There was almost no light, only enough to see the faint outlines of worn-out, rusted medical equipment that did not seem to have been used in a long, long time.

Dead things, dead reminders of a life lost.

She didn't know how she'd come to end up here. All she remembered was pain, and voices and an awful feeling of fingers on her bare skin.

Rei Ayanami stood in the middle of the room, her ghostly white flesh almost glowing in the darkness. She was naked, but she didn't feel cold. She didn't feel anything, just dead.

There was something missing. She didn't know what it was, but something wasn't where it was supposed to be in her chest.

Like she had no heart.

Where was she? Why was this place so familiar?

She had never been here before, and yet she felt like she had always been here, always living in the dark, always naked.

A dream?

Memory?

As she approached the bed, the soft shuffling of her feet filled the room. The sheets were dingy; there were dried blood stains on the yellowing material. Her blood? Softly, she pressed her hand on the sheets. They were warm, pleasant to the touch. Was this her bed? Her past?

No, not hers--Rei Ayanami's.

"Rei, what are you doing?"

Rei turned to the sound of the familiar voice and found Doctor Ritsuko Akagi standing where she had been before, holding a flashlight. She couldn't see the woman's face, only a shock of her blonde hair and white lab coat. The harsh light hurt her eyes and so she looked away.

"How did you get here?" the Doctor repeated.

"I do not know," Rei said honestly. "It felt like I was walking in my sleep."

"I said you could take a break. That wasn't permission to wander off," the blond doctor said sternly. "This is a big place, it would incredibly easy to get lost forever if you don't know your way out, or nobody knows where you are."

Rei nodded her head slightly. "I am sorry to have worried you, Doctor Akagi."

Doctor Akagi turned around.

"I wasn't worried at all." She made a motion with her hand, a signal to Rei that she was supposed to follow. "Come on."

Rei followed her obediently, falling in step behind her as she led the way out of the darkened room and into a pitch-black hallway illuminated only by the flashlight and a bright doorway at the very end. The damp air clung to her as sweat, the gloom entered her pores like some kind of virus. Shapes appeared along the walls: doors, broken equipment, pipes, shards of glass, cardboard boxes, medical supplies.

The only sound was the clicking of Ritsuko's heels, the rustling of her coat, and Rei's quiet padding on the tiles.

"Familiar, isn't it?" Doctor Akagi said, keeping her gaze straight ahead. Rei could only see a flash of yellow hair along the silhouette of her head.

"What is this place, Doctor Akagi?" Rei asked, unable to hold her curiosity. "I have never been here before, and yet there is something ... I do not know what to call it."

"To you, this place means nothing," Doctor Akagi answered coolly. "This is where she grew up. This was her world for a long time."

Rei felt a sudden pang of sadness.

"In the dark?" she said.

"We used to have lighting when it was still in use. Of course we wouldn't have raised her in the dark. That would have made for a very badly adjusted individual," she added. "But what do you care, you didn't grow up here. You came from a glass tube."

Rei didn't know what to feel—how to feel. Only that she felt something odd and empty once again on that familiar spot inside her chest.

"She grew up?"

Ritsuko Akagi stopped, but did not turn. Rei stopped too, and stood there, red eyes carefully examining the woman in front of her. The doctor didn't seem quite able to put her thoughts into words. Rei didn't mean to trouble her. Her question had not been intended to do that, but it seemed to have regardless.

"Rei," finally Doctor Akagi said, "for someone who is very intelligent you sure ask a lot of dumb questions."

A sudden cold draft of air touched her skin, making her shiver.

"Do you hate me, Doctor Akagi?"

The doctor sighed, turning partially back towards Rei. It was impossible to see the expression on her face and Rei knew it was the same with her own face, which was good because she didn't know what expression to make.

"Hate is a strong word, Rei. It is meant to hurt. People don't seem to understand now. You shouldn't use it unless you mean it—and even if you do there are always other ways to say it without being so blunt." She paused. "That said, I don't hate who you are, I hate what you are. What you represent."

So this was what being hated felt like, Rei thought. It was such a familiar thing. Like she had lived with it for a long time.

Without knowing why she dropped her gaze to the floor.

"You know, I destroyed the Dummy System for the same reason," Doctor Akagi said bitterly. Her voice had a strange hardness to it. "Soulless things shouldn't hold the same value as human beings. You were no different than those things until you were born. Then everything changed and you became who you are."

"I am soulless?" In the dark, even Rei's soft whisper seemed carry on forever.

"No, weren't you paying attention?" Doctor Akagi admonished her. "I said everything changed for you. You have a soul. But Angels have souls—would you call them human?"

Rei did not offer an answer, though in her heart she already knew what it was supposed to be.

"Don't flatter yourself by pretending to be more than you were created as, Rei. Understanding is not your purpose. You may feel better, but in the end it will only lead you to misery." Doctor Akagi turned back, and resumed walking down the hallway behind the beam of light from her flashlight, her heels once again clicking ominously as she went. "Now, enough with the questions. To be honest, the answers have absolutely no relevance for you. We still have experiments to run."

Rei followed her quietly, every footstep feeling as heavy as her heart. This was her lot, she knew, the only reason for her existence. She had to fulfill her purpose or she would be discarded, and whether she liked it or not was irrelevant. Still, as she walked naked on the cold floor, she found that she did not want to go back.

She did not want to be hated anymore.

* * *

Shinji entered the bustling classroom after a moment of hesitation. Asuka pushed past him with an annoyed huff to meet Hikari, who was, as usual, standing near the front of the class. Like she usually did, the redhead attracted quite a few of the other girls for whom simply to be seen with her would be a social boost, and the lustful stares and hushed whispers of several boys.

Kensuke was already at his desk, his camcorder on his lap, typing at his computer station, grumbling dejectedly about all the attention Eva pilots got wherever they went. Shinji could agree that seemed to be the case some times, but only with Asuka as he and Rei never got any attention—and even if he did, he would try to avoid it.

As he set his book bag down on his own desk he looked around the room and quickly spotted Rei's blue mane. She was sitting by the window, her red eyes lost in the landscape beyond and far away from the noise and the crowd, an elbow propped up on the desk, her chin resting on a white hand.

She was always like this in class; never speaking unless spoken to; never asking a question of clarification on homework or tests or anything.

He remembered what Misato had told him the day before, the same thing that had been bothering him ever since and almost kept him from getting any sleep but that he had managed to put in the back of his mind thanks to the morning routine. He could not resist the urge to approach her—he had to say something to reassure her, despite being sure she didn't need it and that he would only be making himself feel better. In this sense, their relationship was decidedly one sided.

He had known all along that Rei activating Unit-00 was compounded with him activating Unit-01. Misato had told him that he'd be there when it happened; he hadn't considered they'd do the activations back-to-back.

But that was the decision. Resource conservation, Misato had called it.

Rei didn't take her gaze from the window as he came to stand besides her desk and looked down on her, clenching his hands nervously the way he always did when something made him feel uncomfortable. He knew despite her indifference that her thoughts were not entirely elsewhere even if she did appear that way.

"Rei?"

"What is it?" she said softly, still not moving a muscle.

Any other person would have seemed rude. But Rei's attitude was something he had come to expect, and accept in a way. Regardless of anything he might say, and whether she disagreed with him or not, she would not make him feel as though he was completely wrong--she would not judge him in the same way he didn't judge her. It was that passivity which made her so approachable.

Which made him glad he had her.

"Um," Shinji struggled for a second to find the right thing to say, then it just came to him. He should just be honest because Rei would want him to. "Misato said today's the day. I mean, Unit-00 is ready. That means I'll be going back into Unit-01 as well."

For a second there was no reaction, and Shinji started wondering if he had actually said of that out loud. In some form or another, those thoughts had been running around his head so persistently that he couldn't be sure. Being worried about Rei seemed to have become like being worried about the weather: it happened a lot and without him realizing he was doing it.

"Is that so?" Rei sounded completely uninterested when she finally responded, her voice just a whisper. "Yes, I think Doctor Akagi mentioned something about the current activation test being scheduled for today."

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, Asuka too. The three of us will be in our Evas today. It's gonna be busy, that's for sure."

"I suppose it will be," Rei said plainly. "I do not think the start-up sequences for all three would be scheduled at the same time. The available personnel will not be able to cope."

Shinji wasn't expecting her to be concerned—that would be rather unlike her, and would probably be more cause for concern than the test itself. He had, however, expected some reaction if only to ease his own fears about the whole thing. Rei could be a little too brave for the sake of everyone around her.

"Are you … are you scared?" Shinji asked, hoping his own apprehension didn't show in his voice. He only partially succeeded, but if Rei noticed anything she didn't let on.

"No," Rei said flatly. "Why should I be?"

"Well, it's the first time," Shinji said. He was embarrassingly aware that it sounded childish considering all they'd been through. "It'd be natural to be afraid. But don't worry, I'll be there if … anything happens."

"Like what?"

Like you dying, he wanted desperately to say, the memory of her sacrifice still too fresh in his mind. He caught himself. Rei might not be afraid—though he was fearful enough for the both of them—but she didn't need him saying like that. "Like well, you know, something."

"There is nothing to fear from 'something'." The word sounded weird when she said it. "You should be more specific."

Shinji let his shoulder sag along with his eyes. "I ... can't. Maybe I'm just in denial. I just don't want anything to happen to you."

"I know," Rei said flatly. "You wish to protect me."

Shinji nodded.

"And who will protect her?" Rei turned her head ever so slightly.

Shinji followed her gaze—she was looking at Asuka. The redhead turned up her nose haughtily and twisted away when she realized they were both watching her, continuing to chat with the entourage of girls gathered around her.

"Asuka can take care of herself," Shinji said, turning his head back to Rei. "It's you I'm really worried about."

"I do not worry. Even the worst that could happen would not be so bad. Perhaps it would be for others, but not for myself."

Shinji couldn't argue with her on that, he just wished she cared as much for her own life as he did—maybe then she wouldn't be so eager to put it on the line for his father. It was an odd feeling to know what the person you worried so much about didn't care that you did. But Rei Ayanami was always like that. She would do anything if his father ordered it.

And that bothered Shinji immensely.

Asuka was laughing—that high pitched laugh calculated to attract attention. Hikari too was smiling, happy to enjoy whatever joke she was sharing with her friend.

Shinji felt the tightness in his chest ease. They hardly ever spoke now—Shinji wouldn't know what to say anyway—but slowly Asuka was beginning to come out of her shell more and more. When she had first left the hospital she hardly spent any time out of her room. She had been permanently isolated from everyone else by her own choosing, perhaps feeling embarrassed at what had happened to her.

But now she was coming back, especially around Hikari. Shinji was glad about that, though it did not affect the icy relationship he had with her. Just seeing Asuka find some measure of happiness, however small, felt good.

He didn't know why, but it would have been as good to have Rei be more like Asuka. To have her laugh just a little.

"My fate is in the hands of other people," Rei said. "I have accepted that. So should you. Doing anything else would just be painful."

Shinji felt a taste of bitterness in his mouth. Sadly, he knew exactly whom she meant by 'other people.' But his father didn't care for her any more than he cared for him. He didn't think Rei was naïve enough to believe he did. If nothing else, the slight hint of resignation in her voice was proof.

There was no time for Shinji to discuss his feelings about his father as the bell suddenly rang, followed immediately by Hikari's call for them the students to go back to their desks. The girls around Asuka scattered, chatting until the very last moment. The redhead peered over her shoulder—either at him or at Rei, he couldn't tell—then again turned away and took her seat. For a second he thought he saw a sour expression come over her pretty face.

She was probably mad at him, he thought, but couldn't think of anything specific he might have done. Asuka didn't need a reason to be mad. Rei, for her part, gave no hint that she'd even heard the bell in the first place; her blank expression didn't change.

Shinji never stopped being amazed by the polarizing extremes of their personalities.

Looking around him, the rest of the scene seemed almost unreal. Regular students in a regular classroom, doing what students did in classrooms every day of the week. Nowhere was it evident that for three of them it was little more than a farce.

* * *

"Financially speaking, this city is a like a black hole: it sucks every yen that comes within a lightyear." Junichi Nakayima said, as he tried to mask his disgust from the Tokyo-3 Council. "The Japanese Government and the MOI do not mind this fact, but some heads are beginning to turn in this direction. That is not a good thing, gentlemen."

This was the part of the job that he really hated. He had spent most of his life as a soldier, not a politician, and despite what Kluge said, making that change was not easy. A soldier always knew who the enemy was, a politician thought everyone was the enemy and consequently turned into the scum that soldiers were then sent to destroy.

It made Nakayima sick that he had to play the political role just to keep his cover.

"You are right, Nakayima-san. That is not good." Yamamoto Hibiki, chairman of the Council said. "But I'm sure that your are aware of the magnitude of this operation. Money is needed in vast amounts."

"That is all acceptable. What isn't is the fact that the funds were made available to you six weeks ago and we have yet to see any progress." Nakayima cast a glance at the other members of the council. They were all old men, which reminded him of the old Politburo he had read had ruled Russia in the middle and late twentieth century.

"When working in the field you can not guide yourself by any schedule," the chairman replied. "As a former military officer, you can surely understand that. The engineering required—it isn't like building a model airplane."

"As a former military officer I also understand that excuses are the last resort of a cornered ally," Nakayima said, bluntly. So much for politics, he thought. "And I also understand that objectives are measured by their inherent usefulness. There isn't a lot of that coming out of Tokyo-3 these days."

"Nakayima-san." Chairman Hibiki said as he rose to his feet. "This council is fighting a war on two fronts: The Ministry on one side and NERV on the other. We have to go about this in a way that will please both, because your organization has failed to get rid of NERV like you promised. At least the UN knew how to stay out of our business, which is more useful than the incessant oversight of government."

Nakayima tilted his head provocatively. "Are you saying this is our fault?"

"No," the chairman said, shaking his head. "I'm saying that, for us to work more efficiently, one of these two fronts most be eliminated: either you scratch NERV, or the Ministry gets off our backs."

"Neither is possible at this moment." Nakayima said. He would have loved to simply shoot the chairman and end the argument. "We can not get rid of NERV, and we are the civilian authority so we are not going anywhere either. The taxpayers have a right to know what their money is being spent on."

"Then your complaints, while duly noted, simply add to the uselessness. We can not be hounded like this, regardless of what your boss says. He is not an economist, after all."

The gathered men nodded and whispered their agreement. Nakayima had been told to expect this reaction, but even without being prepared for it he would have found it fairly predictable of people interested in keeping only their power.

"I was not assigned to be a burden," he told the council with fake pleasantry, "simply to remind you of our finite resources and the need for some returns on this investment."

"Then you should let us do our jobs," another of the council members said. "That is our duty after all. And you should stop implying what everyone in this room is certain you are implying, Agent Nakayima."

Nakayima bit his lip to keep from making the reply he wanted to make. This councilman was much younger than the rest, which probably accounted for his tactlessness. And he must still be twenty years older than me, he thought.

What the hell was he doing with his life?

His father had once asked him the same question, when a 17-year-old Junichi Nakayima had told him he'd lied about his age to join the military. Up until that point the idea had been for him to follow on his father's footsteps and become a politician. It was what the entire family wanted from him; the future they had chosen for him.

He joined the military to spite them—there was honor in fighting for something instead of lying for a living. His father had threatened to disown him, but he didn't care. All his life he'd felt alienated, now he would be free. When he shipped out there had been no one there to bid him farewell. It hadn't bothered him.

Fake sincerity was worse than no sincerity. It was just more lies. Exactly the sort of thing he was trying to do now. It seemed his life had come full circle despite his best attempts.

"Gentlemen," another of the assembled men spoke up. "I am sure it is better for everyone involved to get along here. Instead of trying to trip each other up at every turn, we should focus on our common goals—that is the reconstruction of the city we have been entrusted with."

"Very much so," Nakayima said, reminding himself that he didn't have to like what he was doing. "We have to trust that each of us here has the best interest of the city at heart. It's the only way anything good will come out of this situation."

He just had to follow orders.

* * *

Asuka tossed her wet towel on the bench that ran down the length of the locker room, next to her discarded plug-suit, and reached into her locker for her underwear—and caught a glance of the young, slender girl with blue eyes and golden-red hair opposite her. She clenched her teeth, feeling a sudden, vicious impulse to slam her fist into the mirror.

It was just so unfair that she couldn't wake up one morning and be an adult already, puberty be damned. She wasn't even fully a woman yet but had to endure the physiological consequences of womanhood every month when her period turned her into a sick, cramped mess; wasn't even old enough to buy liquor but had to watch the stupid commercials on TV telling her how it could solve all her problems and put up with Misato's filthy drinking habits; wasn't ready for sex but wanted nothing more than to somehow fill the emptiness she felt inside of her.

Today's synchronization test had been awful. After weeks of trying she was still only barely above the starting indicator. She had no reason to be surprised anymore, but without really knowing why she always expected some improvements that never materialized and left her feeling bitter. The constant reassurance from those around her didn't help because she knew they were lying. There was nothing more any of them could do; she was just too badly broken. Her life had become a vicious cycle of self-loathing, deep anger, and failure.

That Shinji and the doll had been around to see her fail only added to her ire.

Asuka bent over, holding open her panties in front of her and quickly stepping into them, then pulling the garment up her legs as she straightened.

She dropped her head to avoid looking at her reflection again and snatched her bra angrily off the top shelf, and wriggled her arms into it. Next, she put on her blouse and worked her way up the buttons before slipping into her uniform jumper, which she clasped securely around her narrow waist after tucking in and pressing her blouse.

All this she did in a rush, moving purposefully.

She had rushed through her shower routine too, only taking long enough to rinse the worst of the LCL out of her hair and scrub herself down to prevent the liquid from forming a sticky residue on her skin, then hurriedly drying off. There had barely been time to register the pleasant feeling of the hot water cascading down her back.

She would have liked to linger, enjoying the feeling of warmth as a steamy mist rose around her, but not today.

Today she needed to be done before …

Rei Ayanami entered the locker room like a white ghost, her footsteps making only the faintest sound, and walked over to her own locker, a few places down from Asuka. The redhead tried to ignore her as she began undressing, unbuttoning her blouse and folding it neatly before moving on to removing her skirt.

The proximity of the doll was enough to make the hairs on the back of Asuka's neck stand on end. She hated the girl—that was no mere hyperbole. She had hated Rei Ayanami since the day they met, and hated her even more ever since the First Child had saved Asuka from the Angel that broke into her mind.

And then there was her relationship with Shinji.

Asuka had long since stopped wondering how she could feel such vile emotions towards her. Like her, Ayanami was barely a teenager, not old enough to even be properly called a woman. She hardly ever spoke—certainly never spoke to Asuka—and they only saw each other at school so it was not like they were often in close contact. And they had both been through a lot. In another universe they might have been able to comfort one another.

But as uncalled for as it might be, Asuka just hated her.

Plain and simple.

As Rei continued to undress, Asuka found that she could no longer stand being in the same room with the doll. She promptly emptied her locker and slammed the door shut loudly. Holding her book bag, neural connectors, shoes, and socks in her arms, she stormed barefoot to the entrance, brushing past Rei's now topless form.

"Is there a problem, Pilot Soryu?" Rei asked as Asuka walked by, her voice soft and flat.

Asuka stopped on her tracks but did not turn. She was clutching her belongings so furiously tight that her arms hurt, her slender hands turning into claws. "No."

The word could have easily been a thrown dagger.

"Am I required to ask about your test? Do you wish to have a conversation with me? I am usually never alone with other girls my own age."

"Just shut up," Asuka spat. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to hear you. I don't even what to look at you. Just being around you makes me sick."

"Oh," Rei's voice did not change, and if she was offended at Asuka's tone she hid it well. "Is there something I could do to--"

"Make me like you?" Asuka interrupted her, turning her head to glare at her over one shoulder. "Sure, there's one thing. You can die today."

Rei's porcelain face did not change. She didn't even blink. And the lack of a response just angered Asuka all the more. What could Shinji ever see in this doll—this perfect little emotionless doll? How he could he possible choose _that _over a living, breathing human being like herself, who actually had a mind of her own and could feel things?

Or maybe that was why he was so close to Rei Ayanami—like his father, maybe he just wanted a doll that would do whatever she was told. A doll who would never talk back, who would die for him if he wanted her to. It was sick.

Asuka would never be like that, regardless of how desperate and lonely she felt. She would never be a doll.

Realizing the pointlessness of saying anything more, Asuka resumed her pace. But now there was something heavy in her chest. The thought of Shinji and Rei had, through whatever strange alchemy anger held over the mind, created a tight sensation that threatened to close down like a pincer around her heart.

By the time she made it to the entrance Asuka could hold back no longer. "Stay away from Shinji," she said. "He doesn't need somebody like you."

"Is that what he thinks?" Rei said, again her voice was soft but completely emotionless.

"No. That's what I think. Stay away from him."

"I should imagine that if the Third Child no longer is to associate with me, then that should be his decision, not yours. Even if you do have his well-being in mind. If he does not want me to speak to him, he should tell me. I would not be angry."

Asuka laughed bitterly. "Pathetic. So the doll wouldn't even mind being dumped like yesterday's garbage? I didn't realize you were so well trained."

"It is not training, but if Ikari should make that decision then I would hope to understand it. I would not begrudge him for it."

"Whatever," Asuka retorted with barely controlled anger. "Stay away from him. For his own good. And yours. Unless you want to have a problem with me."

Rei shook her head. "I do not understand."

"Sure you do. You might be able to fool Idiot-Shinji with your act, but you don't fool me. I see you for what you are—a heartless doll, incapable of feeling anything. So what's the point in having someone have feelings for you? Ha, what's the point in even being alive? That's why I really hope you die in your Eva today. You'd be doing everyone a favor."

Leaving those words to hang in the air, and her own shrill voice filling her ears, Asuka rushed out of the locker room. It wasn't until she made it to the other end of the hallway that she spotted a small equipment closet and ducked in to finish fixing up her uniform. At the very least to put her shoes on.

"Stupid," Asuka growled under her breath, not sure if she was still cursing the doll or herself. She threw her things on a nearby crate, and stood there in silence for a while.

* * *

Shinji Ikari felt his entire body relax in the darkness, giving in to the odd and familiar sense of belonging. As he slowly breathed the LCL that filled the metallic confines of the entry-plug and soaked everything, echoes and whispers seemed to float out to him; things he could not understand but that somehow made it all better. That gave meaning to what he was doing. But, like a mother's cooing to her child, no questions were answered.

Why was he here again? He promised to himself that he would never do it—it was too painful after what he'd done to Kaworu. And yet here he was, ready to once more ride the beast he had never fully understood.

And it felt...strange.

Comforting somehow, as if the Eva could sense his apprehension and responded to it. Shinji knew this was more than just a machine, that there was a more primal and complex connection happening here, but it didn't make sense. There were still so many things he didn't know. And that was why he was so afraid for Rei.

"Main power activated. Initiating neural connections 1 to 78 on the first block," Maya said over the intercom, her voice more serious than Shinji could recall hearing it. "Proceed to second block upon successful completion.

He was a part of Eva—all the pilots were. Together, he and Unit-01 created a unique bond that didn't ever seem possible with other people. For a time Asuka had done so with her Unit-02 as well. But Unit-00 was entirely unpredictable.

Savage.

"Synch status nominal across the board and holding," said a male voice Shinji recognized as Hyouga's. "Activate second block, connections 79 to 134."

"Clearing primary borderline. All green. Safety checks well within the limits." Another male voice, Aoba's. "All A-10 links enabled."

"Initiating third block connections, neural waves nominal."

Shinji tightened his grip on the main controls on either site of his command seat. He felt tense, his heartbeat quickening. He thought about Rei and how she must be feeling. It would be the first time for her—truly the first time, and knowing what had happened before he had no idea how she could find the courage.

He would be safe here, Unit-01 always protected him; Rei was another matter.

Almost a full minute went by before the sound of the speakers echoed again through the quiet entry-plug.

The darkness inside the entry-plug came to an end almost suddenly, plunging the space into a rainbow of swirling color and quickly resolving into a clear cockpit and became like a transparent window from which he could see the outside world. A warped canopy that corrupted even the light that passed through it.

"Final borderline cleared, connections complete. Synch ratio holding at 81.98 % . Battery enabled, external power nominal. S2 engine secured. Evangelion Unit-01 has been successfully activated."

Shinji sighed, small bubbles floating from his lips to the top of the plug. That was that—Unit-01 was activated now for the first time in months. He eased back into the command seat without really ever becoming aware that he had tensed up.

"Nicely done, Shinji," Misato said over the radio. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Shinji replied gently. "Everything feels like it used to."

"We'll take care of everything on this end, don't you worry about anything. Maya's on top of things. Ritsuko is here too. Your job's done for now."

His job was done, Shinji repeated to himself. Not that he ever did anything because the Eva synched to him naturally with no real conscious effort. It just did. He wondered why it couldn't work the same way for either Rei or Asuka. In the case of the later, it would no doubt do a lot to ease her hostility, and in the case of the former ... he still didn't believe Rei belonged in an Eva, period. It wasn't right.

And that he was apparently the only one that cared was a source of endless frustration.

"Perform routine system check. Second team, move on to Unit-00. Follow pre-determined safety parameters and report as soon as POST is completed before full synchronization."

"Understood. Unit-00 is ready for POST and reporting."

He anxiously glanced out of the cockpit-like layout of his plug and saw the blue colored Unit-00.

If Unit-00 went berserk, Shinji would have to stop it, but no matter what, he would save the pilot. He was very aware of the limitations of the restraint system holding Unit-01 in place and that it would not hold him if he really tried to break out of it, but he was also sure that Misato would release him if the need arose.

"Misato-san?" Shinji called out, knowing she was listening to him.

"Yes, Shinji?"

"Can you keep a communication channel open? I want to listen in while Unit-00 is activated."

There was a moment of hesitation on Misato's part, then he heard her say, "Ritsuko?" Whatever the blond doctor replied was not audible enough to be picked up by the microphone, but Misato relayed it instead. "Ritsuko says it'll just clutter up the array. Sorry."

"Yeah, okay," Shinji sighed, a little disappointed. It was just like Dr. Akagi to want to keep him in the dark.

On the outside a figure clad in a form-fitting white suit then stepped onto the gantry surrounding Unit-00. Shinji's attention became intently focused on Rei as she walked to the area where her entry plug had just been inserted into its receptacle behind her Eva's armored neck.

There was a detached airiness to her stride, as if she weren't even there. The quiet elegance of her movements and the slender shape of her young body were both accented by her plug-suit, which fitted her like a second skin. Unlike the severe red color of Asuka's suit or the rather neutral blue-white combination of Shinji's own, Rei's was almost entirely white except for a few accents of green on the harness beneath her breasts and the twin dark gray lines running from her backside down along her legs.

The suit was pressurized in the sense that it was held in place by a vacuum, molding it to the wearer's every curve. While Shinji had never thought he looked very heroic in his suit, despite being assured otherwise, Rei looked dashing and feminine beyond words, a white angel with blue hair.

But Shinji knew how frail she was, too. Somebody had to be Rei's guardian angel. Somebody had to care enough about her that they would risk being hurt themselves or hurting others for her sake.

And that somebody was Shinji Ikari.

That was why he was here, the only reason he had found it in himself to fight the demons of his past and of Eva. He had to protect Rei just as she had done several times for him.

Rei stopped at the foot of her entry-plug. She placed a hand on the huge metal cylinder and stood there for a moment. Shinji could have used the capabilities of the Eva to zoom in on her image and get a better look, but decided that it would be like an invasion of her privacy.

She looked behind herself, and for a second her eyes, distinctly red even from a distance, seemed to stare into Shinji before moving away, up towards the window of the control room. Shinji followed her gaze and saw Ritsuko standing there.

Shinji frowned. Was Rei having second thoughts? Was she not ready for this? Was she being forced?

Then, before he could answer any of those questions, Rei turned back and climbed through the hatch of her entry-plug. Into the darkness within.

"I'll be protecting you," Shinji mouthed silently to himself, watching her disappear from view and remembering the night when she had said those very same words to him. "I promise."

* * *

"All right, that's one down," announced Maya, a little tone of relief slipping through her otherwise serious facade. "Unit-00's pilot is now in place. Flood the entry-plug with LCL."

As the LCL filled Unit-00's plug, its progress tracked by a colored graph on a computer monitor, Misato carefully scanned the control room around her. In front, near the thick armored windows overlooking the cages, Ritusko was looking out at the enormous metal and concrete cage that held the Evas. Haruna, Aoba and Hyouga sat on their respective consoles. Maya stood besides Misato, doing her best to appear calm and collected.

For safety reasons no one else was allowed in the room. Not that were that many people left who could perform high-level procedures like this one effectively. Even Misato was only there in the interest of the children.

"Flooding complete," called Haruna from her station. It would be the girl's second ever activation test—the first having taken places just minutes ago—so the excitement in her voice was acceptable.

"Begin Unit-00 activation sequence," Maya said. She turned to Misato. "Let's cross our fingers..."

"We should keep an eye on the loading interface for the A-10 connection," Ritsuko said, not taking her eyes from the thick armored window. "The new program hasn't been tested on a live subject."

"Live subject?" Misato frowned, the term causing her stomach to turn.

"Yes," Ritsuko replied without apparently noticing the major's distaste. "Our simulations, while rather comprehensive, are still based on a computer conscience. MAGI can account for certain shortcomings in the human mind but it can not adequately simulate them. Therefore, the results of those simulations still leave an unknown element as to what the result will be when synching Rei to the system."

Misato almost rolled her eyes. "Of all the things that can go wrong, you are worried about a computer program's results?"

"Unexpected problems often become the biggest problems, Major Katsuragi," Maya said, and Misato was taken aback by how that seemed exactly like something Ritsuko would say. "I suppose that is a law of experimentation. It's very similar to Murphy's. Doctor Akagi is just being thorough."

Ritsuko turned her head to give Maya an odd look of approval. Misato felt as though the cold doctor's demeanor had started to rub off on her warm-hearted protégé. Like some kind of disease that would eventually shut out all of the humanity that the young girl might still have left.

"Nothing is unexpected," Ritsuko replied somberly, returning her attention to the glass. "That's why I wanted to have Unit-01 out there at the same time. Just in case."

* * *

Being inside the Eva was strange—different than before, than anything she thought she remembered. Rei Ayanami had never felt anything like it. It was like being isolated from the rest of the world. As the LCL flooded the entry-plug, she felt its warm grip through the thin material of her plug-suit. And as the liquid rose above her head and she took a breath, she realized it smelled like blood.

Rei leaned back on her seat, feeling the two control sticks she had on both sides. She had never been so alone in all her short life.

Alone ... always alone...

A thought came to mind. She had always felt awkward in this place, the girl that came before her. It wasn't fear or pain or anything as powerful as that, but more of a feeling, a faint sense, that she didn't belong. That there was already something else here. Someone. And she wanted her out.

"We are ready to start." Maya's voice broke through the silence. "Rei, can you hear me?"

"I am ready," said the blue-haired pilot.

"Good. We'll now begin power-up procedures and voltage check on all systems. Please stand by. This channel will remain open for you. Don't hesitate if any issues come up."

A light went through the entry-plug like a tidal wave, a rainbow that had somehow been twisted into a ring running the length of plug's cylinder. And suddenly Rei felt nausea. She immediately covered her mouth with both hands, out of reflex.

"Why ..." she asked, gagging, "does it feel this way?"

"I'm sorry," Maya replied. "It's your body's natural reaction to the Eva. Close your eyes and think of nothing. We'll do the rest."

Rei nodded and closed her eyes, as instructed, and leaving back tried to clear her mind. Soon the nausea faded. The entry-plug's walls turned into a swirling, patternless rainbow, every color changing and merging with the other. She had read why that happened—the phosphorescent diodes charging to different voltages randomly to reset them.

No, she hadn't read that. It hadn't been her. She was just remembering it, but the experience itself was not her own. Nothing was.

"Initiate the A-10 nerve connections."

A new scent came to her—something distinguishable even with the smell and taste of the LCL filling her senses. She knew this new scent. She hated it, and she didn't know why.

"Rei, are you worried?" Gendo Ikari had asked her after telling her that she would be activating Unit-00.

"No."

Then another voice echoed in the back of her mind. A shrill, high-pitched tone ringing with she had come to identify as bitterness. "I didn't realize you were so well trained!"

"Why does it feel this way?" she repeated.

"Rei, think of nothing," ordered Maya over the radio. She said something else, but her voice faded away to nothingness, like someone turning down the volume.

"How can I forget...why...why?"

The words didn't seem to come from her, emanating instead from somewhere in the dark. They felt distant, belonging not to her as she was now but to whomever she had been in the past.

"Your brain signal is spiking. Think of nothing. Relax," Maya said with increasing concern, but the words were lost on the pilot. Rei was no longer listening. She couldn't. Her head was beginning to hurt. "Rei, can you hear me?"

Rei closed her eyes. There was only darkness in her life now.

"Why...did you...have...to...do that to me? I tried to forget...really tried...to leave you behind...to move away...to die, but you wouldn't let me."

"Rei, you are not making any sense."

And then there was a flash of orange light. And she couldn't breath anymore. Her skin burned as if her plug-suit had suddenly been set on fire. Her head throbbed, painful blows of a hammer against her skull.

And she felt herself fall—her heart, her mind, her whole being just falling, further inside the Eva until she recognized nothing but deep sadness and despair, and a loneliness so thick it was what it must have felt like to die.

"Rei?"

* * *

"Linkage sequence complete," Aoba reported, his face a mask of concern. "Abnormal brain signal on all circuits. Initiating first Link-up phase. Should we continue?" he raised his head as he said this and looked expectantly at Maya.

Instead it was Ritsuko who replied. "Is it tolerable?"

There was a moment of hesitation. Then, the answer, "Barely."

"Continue," Ritsuko said, ignoring the look of protest on Maya's face. "Lets get this over with as quickly as possible," she added.

Aoba went back to his console, but not before looking at Hyouga, who shook his head.

"Brain activity has increased exponentially," Haruna called out from her console. "The synchro-graph is all over the place. Patterns are shifting continuously."

"Rejection starting in central nervous system! Abnormal readings on all levels!" Aoba shouted.

"How can you continue with this?" asked Misato, stepping closer to Ritsuko and reaching out a hand to grab her by the arm. "This isn't safe anymore. You are putting Rei in danger for the sake of an experiment."

"We are within limits." Ristuko stared her down. "There is no physical threat to the pilot."

Misato turned to Maya. "Lieutenant Ibuki, you will call this off immediately."

Maya looked at her for a moment, then at Ritsuko, and dropped her head apologetically. And it was then, her insides clenched with anger, that Misato realized Maya was no longer responsible for Unit-00. Ritsuko was in charge here.

"Rejection spreading to other systems!"

"Abort test!" Misato yelled, wheeling back to Ritsuko, who just stood there calmly looking outside the window at Unit-00. "Ritsuko!"

"Not yet," Ritsuko said. "If this is ever going to work, we need as much usable data as we can. There will not be another chance. I know it must seem harsh to you, Misato, but that is simply because you do not know the consequences of failure."

"Second thought pattern detected!" Hyouga all but screamed.

Maya jerked her head in his direction so fast it was wonder her neck didn't snap. She rushed to his console and leaned over his shoulder. "That's impossible."

Misato moved back to get a look at his screen—sure enough, where should have just been one jagged line indicating Rei's thought signal being broadcast from her A-10 connectors, she saw two lines crossing each other and merging back into one.

"Is that some kind of mental contamination?" Maya asked no one in particular.

"Not over a closed system," Hyouga said, staring at his own screen. "The only thing that should show up here are Rei's brain waves. Maybe it's some kind of thought noise randomly coalescing into a wave pattern on a close enough frequency to be picked up and cause interference?"

"Mathematically, what are the odds of that?"

Hyouga shook his head. "I don't think we have numbers that big."

"It's a malfunction," Ritsuko said calmly. "A misread. The sensors should only be picking up Rei's A-10 wave because it is the only link that can exist between the pilot and the Eva. The most likely cause for two signals would be equipment failure. In fact, the entire system seems to be breaking down. We'll have to try to diagnose the problems one by one and fix them."

"But ma'am—"

"What else are you suggesting, lieutenant?" Ritsuko interrupted Maya's protest, her voice as no-nonsense as Misato had ever heard it. "That you think there is a second mind in that Eva? Is THAT what the Commander should expect to read in your report?"

Maya's manner changed immediately, to that more befitting a chastised little school girl than someone of her rank and experience. "No, ma'am."

"Purge the system," Ritsuko ordered. "Do we still have communication with the pilot?"

"Just static," Aoba said.

"Vitals?"

"Steady pulse. LCL temperature and pressure are normal. Video monitoring equipment not responding, but other than the synchrograph, she would seem to be fine."

"We can't go on," Misato said. "Not without knowing for sure that she's alright."

"She's fine, why wouldn't she be?" Ritsuko said with a certainty that was contagious. "Maya?"

The short haired girl looked extremely uncomfortable. "I … don't have any reason to think otherwise."

"See?" Ritsuko said coolly. "I don't suppose you'd want to consider the fact that we essentially had to put Unit-00 back together from scraps. There were always bound to be problems like this."

Misato had to reluctantly concede the point. Aside from the errant readings—readings they all agreed could not be explained—there was no real danger. She was not in agreement, but there was little she could do.

"I'd feel better if we could talk to her," Misato said.

"So would I. Her direct input would be very useful." Ritsuko turned back to the assembled crew. "Change over to log diagnosis. I want a record of everything we do."

A series of positive acknowledgments followed that order.

As much as she hated thinking this way, if nothing else Rei was a valuable asset. Ritsuko would be damned if she risked her needlessly. That, at least, gave her some measure of comfort. Maybe she'd be able to keep this promise to Shinji after all.

* * *

The cloudless sky was a deep crimson, the color of blood diluted in water. Beneath it lay a vast orange ocean, the glass surface completely still as far as the eye could see. There was no wind, no stars, nothing. Rei Ayanami stood in the liquid—LCL, it seemed—up to her thighs, perfectly still, looking down at her own reflection. Behind her was a dead tree, seven decayed branches splitting skywards like bony fingers reaching out from a grave.

"Is this Eva?" she asked no one. Her voice carried on forever over the LCL. She noticed that the lips of her reflection did not move when she spoke. "No. This is someone else."

She turned her head to look at the tree and realized that it did not have that wooden texture that would be expected from trees everywhere. The whole thing seemed like it was made of shadows, though it did not cast one onto the surface of the LCL.

"Where am I?"

The last thing she remembered was the feeling of nausea as Unit-00 was activated. She heard voices whispering faintly in her ear, stirring locks of short blue hair, but the words made no sense. As if spoken in a language she was not meant to understand.

"Am I dead?"

Nothing. She looked around. She must still be inside the Eva, possibly in some kind of dream-like state induced by the stress of the activation. Since it was her first time, such a reaction could be explained.

After all, the Eva had not felt like anything else she'd experienced before.

"You are different."

The words were not spoken. There was no sound. Only a chill that ran up her body and somehow transformed into language. She looked down at herself and realized that her plugsuit had vanished and she was naked. But her reflection had not changed—it stared up at her with cold red eyes that could not possibly be human.

For the first time she was seeing what others saw.

She reached down, her fingertips brushing the surface, causing ripples to distort her reflection. She felt suddenly cold. Whatever it was, she was touching it.

"Who are you?" she asked again, unafraid.

Her reflection shifted, its features wrinkling in annoyance. Again she heard that strange voice. "You are different. You do not feel like those before."

"I am not like anyone else," Rei said. "I am myself."

"Are you not afraid?" her reflection asked, red eyes narrowing.

"No."

"I should have known," the thing said. "Nobody has ever been able to speak to me as you are doing now. That is how I know you are different. That is how I know of your uniqueness. I am unique as well."

Rei was curious. "No one has ever spoken to you?"

"Not in this manner. Not like equals," it said. "If I must answer to questions then I shall say only that I have never been given a name. I exist by myself, a part of nothing else. But I learned from contact with those that came before that to exist by oneself is meaningless. The true value of existence can only be calculated by the contact between beings. My existence is merely my reflection in the minds of others, as they see me. As you see me. So I am you and I am myself as well."

"Are you an Angel?"

"I am free from the Tetragramaton. I am as you are, a creation of man. Those you call Angels are simply an aberration born out of a path that leads to destruction. As everything in nature must have balance, so too existence must have a counter-existence. Your Angels are but alternate parts of yourself. The antithesis to everything you are. Do you not know this?"

Rei shook her head slightly. "No. Why should I?"

"Because in knowledge lies understanding. Therefore, in that link lies the means by which I am to fulfill my purpose and thus the reason why I exist. Those that came before possessed a wealth of knowledge, experience accumulated through years of heartbreak and loss. They understood fear, loneliness, hatred, love. But you are foreign to all those things. To me you feel ... empty."

She felt a chill run over her, and the LCL around her legs suddenly became much colder. She looked down at her reflection on the rippling surface, and saw that her face was frowning. Except it wasn't really her face. She could not feel the muscles of her brow tightening, nor the kind of emotions that went hand in hand with that expression.

"So, in turn, it is I who must now ask you a question," the voice said again. "What are you?"

"I am Rei Ayanami. I am myself."

The LCL grew even colder—it felt like it was burning her almost.

She winced at the pain, shrinking her shoulders and drawing her arms closer to herself, but could not escape it. "It hurts."

"Your name is not an answer. Not even to yourself. It is simply a front created by others and given to you. It does not answer the question."

Rei shook her head, unable to think of anything else. "Then I do not know."

"What are you, stupid?" The voice changed halfway through that sentence. The shrill, familiar tones of the Second Child now seemed to pierce the air and stab her everywhere.

Rei had never minded her fellow pilot; the Second Child was loud and hostile in ways Rei simply didn't understand, but she was only being herself. She didn't dislike her for that any more than she disliked Doctor Akagi. But now there was something about this voice that filled her dread. Something about what she'd said.

"I do not understand," Rei called out, keeling forward as she did. "I do not understand. Why does it hurt?"

"I want you to die," the Second Child's voice said again. "You'd be doing everyone a favor. I want you to die."

Would she really? Was Rei hated so much that other really wished her harm? Was everything she thought she knew about her relationships with others just a misunderstanding? Even the things she thought she knew—the feelings she attached to people like Shinji Ikari—were just wrong because she was incapable of comprehending.

Because she was empty.

And she was hated.

"You would die if he asked you to."

She could feel the venom in those words almost as if it were running inside her veins. It stung badly, sparking small flares of pain into an all-consuming firestorm. The answer was obvious—undeniable.

"Yes."

The voice changed again. "Rei, are you worried?"

The pain turned to something else—fear—terror—her mind did not know how to describe it. An awful realization of what it meant to be nothing and yet live amongst beings that expected her to understand them.

"I do not want to die."

In the LCL, her plug-suited reflection was grinning broadly, madly. "I hate what you represent."

"Why does it hurt?"

"Pain is life," her grimacing counterpart said. "Pain validates your existence. And, in turn, it validates mine. You are but reflections on a mirror of sorrow and solitude. You humans, sad creatures. You fear pain as you fear hell, and go about your lives without realizing. Hell is other people … and so is pain."

And something grasped her underneath the LCL—hard fingers that felt scaly against the soft pale skin of her ankles, her calves, working their way up her legs. She jerked away but the she was held tight on the spot. Her heart was racing.

Laughter from behind her made her turn. She was looking at the tree again, and in her shock noticed dozens of gleaming red eyes staring at her from dark faces carved into the dead wood.

Her own face.

The LCL seemed to explode in front of her, and she turned again. Standing there was herself—blue hair, white-black plugsuit, gleaming red eyes that carried a kind of power Rei had never felt.

She could smell the LCL on her shape, like a mist of blood in the air, clinging to her. The red eyes fixed unto her, wide surreal orbs lacking in all compassion or humanity. The thing reached out a hand and grasped her wrists. Rei shuddered at the touch. It was repulsive. Cold. Dead.

And before Rei knew it she was being pulled down into the LCL, beneath the surface until the red sky disappeared in a rippling mass above.

Rei sank deeper. The light faded, so beautiful right before it died, and in the darkness she heard her own name being called. Over and over.

_Ayanami._

_

* * *

  
_

"Who are you?"

Rei did not know where she was; she did know, however, that it was not in this world. It was a different space, in a different time. Here she felt no sense of humanity. Here she was not Rei Ayanami; she was 'something' else.

"Who are you?"

"You know who I am," the voice answered.

_Ayanami. _

"Who are you?"

"I am you. What you were and what you will be. What he made you."

_Ikari._

"He made you human."

"Was I not human before I met him?"

_Rei Ayanami._

"You know the answer."

Rei!

"Who am I?"

REI!

"Who am I?"

"REI!"

Rei opened her eyes slowly and gazed at the figure above her, her expression slack, completely blank. Shinji Ikari grabbed her shoulders and shook them slightly in an attempt to wake her.

"Rei," Shinji said, his concern leaking into his voice. He was hovering above her—the entry-plug had been opened but she was still sitting on the command seat. "Are you all right?"

Rei nodded weakly. The world felt hazy, as if someone had taken an eraser and smudged all the details. She saw his young face, his pale blue eyes looking down at her full of compassion and worry, and a sort of undeniable affection. She didn't understand.

"What … happened?" Rei's voice was weak and very hoarse, making it sound as though she had been screaming for a long time. She couldn't remember if she had been. She was exhausted, breath barely clinging in her lungs.

"I don't know," Shinji said, the emotion finally becoming too much and he seemed to be on the verge of tears, which he brushed away with the back of his gloved hands. "Are you … are you okay? When I saw you were passed out I thought you might have gotten hurt."

"Is that why you are sad?" Rei asked, innocently. She was like a child asking her parents about the cruel world. "You should not worry."

"Don't be silly, Rei." Shinji said and hugged her tightly. "I have to worry about you. The only sad thing is that you don't even worry about yourself. It's so wrong, but I guess you are just brave like that."

Rei rolled her head, and though the warmth of his embrace was comforting the world all around her began to slip away. Brave—she wasn't brave at all. She just didn't know how to be afraid, didn't know because she had never truly had anything to be afraid of.

She had a vague notion that her lips were moving, but the words didn't register. Shinji's expression changed, and she knew that whatever she was saying had shocked him. Then finally her own voice came to her.

"… for everything."

He blinked, his hands slipping around her shoulders as he hugged her again. "You don't have to. Understand? I will always be there."

There was no answer. It was then that Shinji realized that Rei's muscles had relaxed.

"Rei?" Looking down at her, Shinji saw her eyes were closed. And though her face her usual calm mask, a heavy sensation in his chest told him that something was wrong. "Rei?"

He shook her gently. Nothing. Rei was limp, like a doll whose strings had been cut. And with the sudden chill of fear, Shinji turned his head and shouted as loud as he possibly could. "MEDIC!"

* * *

Maya Ibuki sat on one of the empty cafeterias in Central Dogma, nursing her third beer. The lieutenant had never been fond of drinking, but Misato had told her that it would make her feel better. After Unit-00's failure, Maya certainly needed to feel better so she decided to hit the bottle in an attempt to flee her demons. It was strange: Aoba had told her once that he preferred her with a few drinks in her, an amusing but annoying thought.

She still didn't understand what had gone wrong. Even Shinji, a complete neophyte, had not suffered such a severe reaction to the Eva his first time. And Rei had done this before. It didn't make sense for her to lapse like that. Ritsuko had wanted to explain it away, but the explanations felt hollow. In the end it had all been Maya's responsibility, though the report she submitted carried both of their names.

"Hey, Dr. Ibuki!" The cheerful voice caught her by surprise.

Maya lifted her head to see Junichi Nakayima taking a seat next to her.

"Hello," Maya said, in a depressed voice. "Are you working the night shift?"

"Yes. I just got a glimpse of my office, and there was a pile of paper, so I decided to sneak out. I really didn't sign up for this, you know," Nakayima said. "You? I thought you went home."

"No," Maya said. All the alcohol in the world could not make the dullness she felt now disappear. "I can't go home, not after what happened. Not today."

"Don't blame yourself, Doctor."

"I am not a doctor," she corrected him harshly. "I'm not even a post-grad. And who else is there to blame? It's my job to make Lazarus work, and it's my job to protect Rei's life. Today, I did neither."

"Don't be so negative," Nakayima said, in his most comforting voice.

Maya could only guess that he had heard about what happened from one of the technicians, apparently from someone who had never heard the phrase 'a slip of the tongue', because this was exactly the sort of thing that would be deemed as classified information. Too bad she was not really interested in keeping secrets at the moment.

"No, Agent Nakayima-san," Maya said, shaking her head. "It is my fault and no one else's. You know the Commander will want my head on a plate now. I don't think he was too happy with having me in charge."

"Come on, Lieutenant—I can call you that, right? —Commander Ikari must understand that the only thing to blame here is the circumstances. Try not to think of it. Go home, take a shower, and catch a nap. Everybody has the right to have a bad day."

"I don't think I can do any of those things right now."

"All you gotta do is go home and you'll start feeling better. I'll give you a ride, even."

This government spy was the last person she'd expect this sort of kindness from. Perhaps it was that she was already drunk, but her tired mind did not even briefly question his motives in wanting to help her.

"And your work?" she said. "I assume it's important."

He waved his hand dismissively. "No one will notice I'm missing," Nakayima said "My job is not that important and besides, I need to get the hell out of here before I become allergic to fresh air."

* * *

"You know what went wrong," Gendo Ikari said, as he turned away from his second in command to face the blue-haired girl that lay unconscious in the bed. "The system is still too complex for a human subject to control. Even for Rei. I had hoped that would not be the case, but there does not seem to be a way around it now."

Rei Ayanami appeared to be sleeping peacefully now. She had been slipping in and out of consciousness and vomiting for an hour or so before Ikari had had her finally sedated to spare any more side-effects. He had tried to talk to her with no success, and even Fuyutsuki has been concerned about the level of empathy he showed her.

Granted, she was the last one but it was still strange that Ikari would care to such a degree. He knew, of course, of the potential underlying reasons for that behavior. Gendo's love for Yui was very strong, and so was Fuyutzuki's.

But they'd both be fools to think of her that way.

Dr. Akagi had done a preliminary check-up, and concluded that Rei was lucky Maya had been fast enough to sever the connections to the Eva and that the flimsy software firewall had lasted as long as it did. Otherwise, the doctor had told Ikari, Rei's brain would have been reduced to a useless pulp.

"Then we must try to find another solution," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said. "The fact that both the Eva and the pilot reacted in such a way indicates that the code is simply incompatible with the human brain."

"Not incompatible," Doctor Akagi said, straightening over Rei, the syringe containing the sedative in her hand. "You could say the human mind is simply not advanced enough."

"The dummy system should be strong enough to handle the code," Ikari said, turning away from Doctor Akagi towards Fuyutsuki. "But it will take some more time to complete it. We'll have to settle ourselves for using the synthesized version on Unit-02's main interface program as soon as it is advisable."

"Even thought Unit-02 is in such a wretched state?" Ritsuko said. "Its pilot is not yet capable of piloting it."

"Her synch-ratio is over the starting indicator, that's a beginning."

"We can always use Unit-01," Fuyutsuki suggested. "I know you are against that, but we need a worst case scenario."

"Not unless it's absolutely necessary. If we can't get the dummy system back up in time, we'll gamble with the Second Child and Unit-02," Ikari said. "We always seem to be gambling everything, don't we Fuyutsuki? But, then again, that's why we have survived this long."

Fuyutsuki nodded, but there was enough of an inflection in his superior's voice to tell him that he wasn't really asking. The answer was plainly obvious to all three of them. Finally, Ikari turned over to Rei, signaling that he had no further need for them. Fuyutsuki exchanged a look with Ritsuko on the way out of the room.

The unflinching blond managed to hold on to her doubts until they were alone in the elevator.

"Do you think he's being unreasonable?" she asked, watching the scrolling floor numbers tick by on the counter. "The Tablet almost presents more risks that any possible benefit."

Fuyutsuki was not very surprised by her frankness—they had known each other so long that it was permissible despite rank. "Is he asking for the impossible?"

Ritsuko flashed him a grim look.

"It is possible, but our resources are more limited than before," she said. "And every mistake costs us time."

"Time is just a measure of our success."

"You sound just like him," Ritsuko said sarcastically, a clear edge to her voice. "You could have fooled me. But the truth is you don't like this any more than I do."

"I have my doubts."

Ritsuko frowned gravely. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Fuyutsuki, as a one-time faculty staff member, knew when to push an issue and to let it go. He wasn't very happy with this turn of events but it was a possibility that had long been anticipated. What could not be anticipated was Ritsuko's recklessness—and her decision to carry on the test despite running into problems was nothing but reckless.

Rei could not be replaced anymore, thanks to Ritsuko's own doing. She should not be too careless with this last vessel. Accusations, however, would not get them anywhere. Ikari had not made an issue of this, and neither would he.

"At any rate," Ritsuko said by way of changing the subject, "we now know what we needed to know. Rei was the best possible subject because of her unique qualities. Anyone else would have made the potential for disaster incalculable. It had to be her. The data will help create a firewall program for future use. That was the most I expected from this."

Fuyutsuki look at her carefully. She still had her eyes on the floor counter, whether to avoid his gaze or simply out of intense concentration he could not tell. "Always thinking ahead, aren't you, Doctor?"

"I fear both you and the Commander posses a fundamental misunderstanding of the situation. You are worried about the technology. But the technology is perfect in the sense that it can be relied on to do exactly what it was engineered to do. It does not fail or second guess unless we instruct it to do so, and unless we do so ourselves. It does not make mistakes. I'm afraid that is exclusively the realm of human beings."

* * *

"So she's going to be okay?" Shinji said into the phone, unable to keep the huge relief he felt from his voice.

He had been anxiously waiting for news about Rei since Misato had practically forced him to come home. She had promised to let him know how she was doing as soon as possible and given all that had happened between them Shinji hadn't questioned that she would. Her call had been a godsend.

"Yeah, Ritsuko says she'll be back on her feet in a couple of days," Misato said on the other side of the line. "Nothing to worry about. Rei's a tough girl, she's seen worse."

"That's good to hear." It really was. Shinji felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"Anyway, don't you worry about her. I've got to get going now, Shinji."

Shinji wished she could see the look of gratitude on his face.

"Thank you, Misato."

"I promised, didn't I?" She said, adding hastily, "Bye."

As he turned to hang up the phone where it belonged on the kitchen table, Shinji caught his breath: standing on the doorway to the living room opposite him was Asuka, her face set firmly, her posture indicating that she was in a bad mood and already annoyed with his crap even though he hadn't said anything yet.

"Who was it?" Asuka demanded. Her eyes locked on him with such force that he wasn't sure he would be able to reply. "Were you talking to Misato? Was it about my test?"

Shinji shook his head slowly. "N-no, it was about Rei," he managed. "She wasn't seriously hurt during Unit-00's activation."

He had added that last part without thinking—he knew Asuka wouldn't care, if she knew about Rei's trouble with Unit-00 at all because she had left the Geo-Front and come home immediately after her own test without so much as talking to anyone.

The comment had simply slipped out, he had been so worried about Rei he couldn't help it.

Asuka scoffed. "Bah, I thought it was something important."

"Her life is important to me," Shinji said. "I care about her."

"I don't even know why," Asuka said with a frown, and the anger and derision in her voice made him suddenly grit his teeth. "She is just a doll--the Commander's little doll that will do anything to make her master happy. Why would her life be important to you when it's not even important to her?"

"You wouldn't understand."

He didn't like the way that came out either, he made it sound as if Asuka was completely unable to ever care about anyone other than herself.

"I wouldn't understand?" Asuka's voice began to rise. "I wouldn't understand!"

She stalked around the wooden table, her frown deepening until her thin eyebrows were nearly drawn together. Squaring her shoulders, she came to stand a foot or so away from him. "You can be so stupid!" she yelled in his face. "She's just a puppet. Do you think she'll love you because you care? She's a doll! She can't love you! She can't feel anything!"

Shinji could not hold the angry blues of her eyes and so he dropped his gaze, following the slender shape of her neck and down her body, noticing how the oversized mustard T-shirt she wore completely hid the lines of her lithe frame and clung to her so loosely it seemed about ready to slip off her shoulders.

He focused finally on her right hand, hanging by her side, provocatively close to the spot where the creamy white flesh of her upper thigh disappeared under the hem of her skimpy dark shorts. The garment itself was loose fitting but fairly high-cut, reaching a few inches lower than the shirt, and covered only a little more than underwear would.

It was always awkward to have her like this, barely clothed with hardly a step between them.

"R-Rei is not a doll," he muttered.

Asuka's hand clenched into a fist. "Look at me when you talk, idiot!"

She stomped down hard on his foot, the impact of her heel sending a dull pain through him. His eyes snapped back to hers instantly, and the contempt he saw reflected on those blue jewels sparked a kind of anger he hadn't felt in a long time.

Shinji recognized Asuka was much too different from Rei to like her, but she didn't have to hate her either. Rei didn't deserve it.

After all, he was different from Asuka too.

"Rei is not a doll!" His emotions getting the better of him, he repeated much louder in a voice that didn't seem to belong to him. The frustration he'd felt directed at himself since Asuka's coming out of the hospital seemed for the first time to turn outwards. "Just because you say that doesn't make it true. She has emotions!"

"She's a stuffed animal!" Asuka barked. "Not even a human being! Just a thing with nothing inside!"

"She is a more of a human being than you are!"

"I told her I hoped she would die!"

In that single instant of pure resentment, Shinji raised his hand and slapped her across the face.

And then he froze, and stared at her completely shocked, as much by what she'd said as by what he'd done. Never in a million years did he think he'd have the guts to hit her, no matter how much she deserved it. He could stand a lot from her—he had to or he simply wouldn't have been able to live with her. But actually hearing Asuka wish such a thing on Rei was too much. He had never been so angry at her. His hand stung, it felt strangely pleasant.

Asuka didn't back away.

"Idiot!" she screamed at him, rubbing her cheek where he had hit her. He didn't care—she could scream herself hoarse if she wanted. Her eyes were wide with fury, her lips held back into a menacing snarl, white teeth bared. "I hate you!"

"I hate you too!" The awful reply spilled from Shinji's lips uncontrollably. "And I hope YOU die!"

For a second he wasn't sure he'd actually said it aloud, and then …

Then something happened to Asuka's face.

Where before there had been nothing but anger, now he saw ... he saw that her eyes were shaking. She did nothing, said nothing, seemingly in emotional shock. Then a kind of hopeless smirk spread over her sharp features, and a gentle noise like a whimper escaped her throat, and her quivering eyes became watery as she were about to ...

Shinji stood perfectly still, but knowing, as angry as she had made him, that he had crossed the line. Even someone as stout-hearted as Asuka had her limit and he had just reached it.

He had just--

And without another word Asuka lunged forward, wrapped her hands around his neck, and squeezed tightly.

For a moment Shinji didn't understand what was happening—it didn't seem real. All he could feel were her fingers digging into his soft flesh, strangling him.

He deserved to die for what he had said to her; for the way he had treated her all this time; for making her suffer. If she wanted to take his life he would not stop her.

Though he would have liked to look into her eyes one last time, he did not want the sight of her hateful glare to be the last thing he would remember her by. He would like to remember the girl he had met one day on a ship wearing a yellow sundress, whose pride always seemed to fuel great courage. The girl that had given him his first kiss. She would be rid of him now. He would never hurt her again.

His head forced back by her strength, Shinji closed his eyes in resignation and heard her breathing, ragged and uneven, and then something else.

The pressure on his throat eased slowly. Air and life returned to his lungs, but he felt as if he had already died inside. The world returned to his vision as Asuka's hands fell away from him—a ceiling that was still strange despite having lived here so long. Bringing his gaze down he saw her turn away, still a single step's distance, and bury her face in her hands like a broken little girl.

And then Asuka started to cry.

He had done this to her, like he had done it to Misato, and was shocked by the immediate realization that up till now he had never seen or heard Asuka cry. Not even when at times he thought she should.

She had endured everything she had without a single tear; she was that strong.

But now ...

Swallowing uncomfortably hard and fighting the urge to rub his throat, Shinji leaned closer to her without knowing exactly what he was supposed to do but knowing in the depths of his heart that he had to somehow find a way—words, gestures, anything—to console her.

Shinji lifted his hand as if to take one of her sagging shoulders, and said softly, "Asuka, please don't cry. I didn't mean--"

"Get away from me!" Asuka bellowed at the top of her lungs, her voice shaking and unrecognizable. She shoved him away violently, sending him stumbling backwards into the front of a nearby kitchen cabinet. "I hate you! I HATE YOU!"

He braced himself against the hard wooden surface, but in the time it took her to say that he managed to catch a glimpse of her eyes again, for a split second only. It was as if something had shattered behind the deep blue irises.

There was so much pain there ... and anger, and resignation. And he didn't even know why.

Suddenly, his guilt seemed to have stopped the beating of his heart.

How could he, a pathetic doormat as Asuka had often called him, have brought her to this? How deep must he have hurt her to make her cry?

Shinji couldn't stand to see her like this. But before he could utter a single word in apology, Asuka spun around and ran off, her golden-red mane billowing behind her. The sound of her anguished weeping and bare feet pounding the floor beneath her as she rushed across the empty apartment filled his ears until he heard her bedroom door slamming shut with tremendous force.

Then there was silence.

He tried absently to rub away the sensation of Asuka's strangling fingers from his neck, and stood there motionless for the longest time leaning against the counter Asuka had pushed him against. He felt the same dreary emptiness he'd felt after Kaworu's death, the same emptiness that had been hanging inside him since that moment, ever so ready to swallow him as it did now.

Whether it was an echo of that old wound or a new one opening up he couldn't tell, but the reason was the same.

Kaworu had been an Angel, he had to be destroyed; Asuka was just a young girl, a fellow pilot, his roommate, and maybe even more than that. It was all his fault. He had hurt someone close to him again—hurt her very badly. She would never talk to him again, or want to see him, or want to live with him in the same apartment. Whatever bonds may have connected them he had now torn apart.

Exhausted, he slid down until he was sitting curled up on the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself protectively and hung his head low between his knees, the relief he had felt at having good news about Rei completely forgotten.

"I'm sorry," Shinji whimpered. "I'm so sorry, Asuka."

And as stinging tears began running down his young cheeks, Shinji finally realized what the emptiness that haunted him was.

Heartbreak.

* * *

To be continued ...


	4. Expectations

Notes: Same as always. Thanks for Big D for proofreading this on such sort notice. Also, thanks in advance to anyone who actually posts reviews because that seems to have become a lost art.

* * *

**Evangelion Genocide: Extended.**

"**The most important thing we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are."--Stephen R. Covey**

**Genocide 0:4 / Expectations**

**

* * *

  
**

Major Misato Katsuragi sat in the cubicle that passed for her office. Her desk, usually stacked high with paperwork, was now empty. She was leaning forward on her chair, resting her head on the desk, folding her arms underneath it as a pillow, her eyes closed. She was tired, more tired than she had felt since the Angels had stopped showing up.

She could go home, Misato thought to herself, but then she would have to face the fallout. She would have to go up to Shinji and Asuka and admit to them that she had made a mistake.

It was painfully clear it had been a bad idea to have Asuka move back in. Almost as painful as it was to admit that Ritsuko had been right. Asuka should have stayed in Dogma, and as far away from Shinji as possible. Misato had thought it would be better for Asuka to have some company—after all the time she had spent alone in the hospital she had to want some company.

But Misato had been wrong, and now she had to pick up the pieces.

"Still moping?"

Misato recognized the voice instantly. She did not even bother to open her eyes to look at Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. She heard the blonde woman step into the room, her heels clicking.

"You can call it that, I guess," Misato said, her voice a low drawl. "I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't."

She heard Ritsuko pull a chair and sit in front of her desk.

"I should have listened to you, Ri-chan," Misato said miserably, unable to wait for the admonishment she knew had to be coming from her so-called friend. "You always know best."

"You couldn't have predicted this would happen, Misato." Ritsuko said, and for a second her comforting tone threw Misato for a loop.

Suddenly not believing this could be the same person whose inhumanity she'd come to despise, Misato opened her eyes. Sure enough it was Ritsuko. And she looked … sympathetic. For once she seemed like she was willing to listen.

And Misato could not hold onto her anguish any longer. "I don't know what to do. They are really gonna end up killing each other. I can't watch them all the time. I can't make them like each other. I can't even talk to Asuka without her hating me."

"I guess we should separate them," Ritsuko suggested. "I can get Asuka a place inside Central Dogma with just a phone call. Or I could give her a prescription if you think her mood has become the problem."

"I'm not going to have her medicated." Misato shook her head firmly. "It'll likely only make things worse. Besides, I DARE you to make her take anything she doesn't want to. You'd have an easier time trying to get a tank to stop on a dime."

Ritsuko didn't really have a sense of humor, but she did give Misato a grin. "I suppose you are right. What about staying at Central Dogma?"

"I don't want her to be alone, either. I think maybe I should try to get her to stay with a friend. Someone she won't try to kill."

"I imagine that's a very short list."

Indeed, Misato thought, a very short list. Asuka, for all her flamboyance, didn't really have any friends. Of course, it didn't really help that she thought she was better than anyone else, but Misato still found it remarkable that she'd managed to alienate even those closest to her. She was like a celebrity in that people wanted to be seen with her simply because of who she was, but her harsh personality made sure she wasn't really liked.

Shinji was the exact opposite, much more introverted and far less showy, and yet he did have people around him. Because at least he allowed them to stay.

Misato had the best intentions in bringing Asuka home. She thought she was doing her a favor by giving her the support she needed, the kindness she deserved. In reality, all she did was place an unfair burden on Shinji by expecting him to be able to deal with someone who, as wounded as she might be, could still lash out as violently as Asuka did.

"Well, I don't think I can help with this," Ritsuko added, noticing Misato was not responding. "You'd agree that human relations isn't my area of expertise."

Misato almost chuckled. That was as good as self-deprecating humor got for Ritsuko, and that she would recognize that in herself instead of offering her usually cold retorts told Misato she was taking the situation seriously.

"You know, you are such a good liar, Ritsuko Akagi," Misato said. "You walk around making everyone think you don't have a heart. But you are really a big softie."

Ritsuko made a face that indicated she didn't quite agree, but just as she was about to reply Misato heard a strange humming noise. The blonde reached into a jacket pocket and pulled out a vibrating pager. "Duty calls," she said, getting to her feet. "Oh, when you decide what to do about Asuka let me know. I must be able to get in touch with her."

Pursing her lips, Misato fought the urge to think that might have been Ritsuko's real reason for talking to her. "I will." she scoffed. "Don't worry, this won't interfere with your project."

"See to it that it doesn't, Misato." Ritsuko said. "The Commander is displeased enough with Lazarus's setbacks. Problems with the children are the last thing we need now. It's important that we stick to our schedule."

Misato pressed her lips into a pout. "When are you going to tell me exactly what's going on?"

"When you need to know. Don't worry, it'll be sooner than you think. I wouldn't keep anything crucial from you, if only on the basis that I'm not a tactician and tactical abilities are required. The Commander understands that too."

Misato straightened up and locked her dark eyes with Ritsuko's. "In other words, you'll just ring your little bell when you need me."

The blonde doctor shook her head and smiled weakly. "You look like hell, Misato." She reached out with a hand and tousled Misato's long purple hair. "Get some sleep. If you don't want to go home, that's fine, but do get some rest."

"Nah, I think I'd rather have a beer."

Ritsuko shook her head disapprovingly and disappeared beyond the door into the hallway beyond, heels clicking away into silence.

Deciding that she wasn't going to help anyone by sitting around moping, Misato reached into one of her desk drawers and pulled out a little address book. To be honest, she should have already programmed the number she was looking for into her cell-phone. She had just never had the time; never thought to bother.

The name and number stared at her from the tiny page—her last resort. It was either this or Asuka would have no choice but to be alone. Only one person would take her in, as she had done before.

So, feeling ashamed that she would have to ask this again, Misato dialed Hikari Horaki.

* * *

The satellite pictures were displayed on the illuminated table in groups of three, each having been taken within 60 seconds of the others. A grid had been overlaid on top of the landscape, outlining contours and enhancing blurry shapes. Two rulers for scaling framed the top and left sides of the pictures, and helpful labels depicting altitude, latitude, and longitude were also shown.

Fuyutsuki did not need an analyst to be told what it was that he was looking at; the pictures showed an industrial complex surrounded by a sprawling network of railway lines like the spokes on a wheel. And on one of the lines was a strange humanoid shape, its head and broad shoulders distinctive despite the extreme bird's-eye view.

"So we can confirm that the Chinese have advanced their schedule?" the Sub-Commander asked, leaning closer over the table, hoping that perhaps he wasn't seeing what he suspected. There was no doubt, however. The humanoid shape was an Evangelion.

The Chinese-made Unit-A was indeed on its way to the Third Branch test facility outside Beijing.

"Yes. Our agent tells me that they will be ready for the first Unit-A activation test within the week, possibly even sooner than that," Commander Ikari said. "That is more than a month ahead of the plan."

Ikari wasn't poring over the photographs. It was likely, Fuyutsuki thought, that he'd studied them in advance, or that he simply knew enough to make any visual evidence unnecessary. He stood away from the table, half-covered in the shadows produced by the room's dim lighting.

To Fuyutsuki's immediate right was Ritsuko Akagi, her face glum. She said nothing as she examined the evidence. Like the two men in the room, she was keenly aware of the implications.

"Do we know that they intend to activate it?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"We have reason to believe that a pilot has been selected," Ikari said. "Nothing specific, only that certain arrangements have been made similar to our own selection and preparation procedures. My main concern is whether or not they intend to use the Tablet for the activation."

Doctor Akagi nodded. "We have to assume so. There's no reason they wouldn't."

"My God," Fuyutsuki muttered. "Can we be ready in five days?"

"We must." Ikari said. He turned his attention to Ritsuko. "Doctor, I want you to drop everything and focus on getting Unit-00 working. That should take priority over everything else. Nothing is as important. Revert to the old configuration as soon as possible and schedule a second activation."

"Rei is still in the hospital," Ritsuko said. "The effects of the previous contact have not been fully diagnosed."

"Is she physically capable of piloting Unit-00?" Ikari asked coldly.

"The body recovers very quickly." Ritsuko's reply didn't answer the question directly. She always gave a detached sense when talking about Rei, though she was supposed to be her responsibility. With her hands in her lab coat pockets she presented the image of the dedicated scientist, just like her mother had.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree, and Ritsuko Akagi had certainly inherited more than smarts and looks from Naoko. Fuyutsuki, who had now known them both for about the same amount of time, found the similarities uncanny.

"Her health status should be of no concern, then," Ikari said, betraying no emotion. "Lieutenant Ibuki is still looking for the root of the activation problems. She believes it's because of the complexity of the new programming, does she not? That should provide us with a plausible pretext for the overhaul."

"People are bound to ask uncomfortable questions," Ritsuko said. "Major Katsuragi in particular. I'm not sure how long I can keep lying to her."

"It won't matter in five days unless we exert the greatest effort. We have no choice. The current situation has to be dealt with first and foremost. Katsuragi's questions can wait."

That was the sort of dismissive attitude that had landed them in his mess, Fuyutsuki thought. But like a good second-in-command, he kept his fears to himself. Giving the Emerald Tablet to the Chinese had been a calculated risk—they had to be given something to ensure their cooperation as long as NERV needed it. At the same time, however, they were given specific instructions and time-lines. The current scenario depended on them.

Ikari hadn't trusted the Chinese Branch to do entirely as they were told, but he had depended on them to follow the schedule and had dismissed the idea that they were simply too self-interested to obey even that. It could now prove to be just as deadly a sin.

"With your permission, then, I will assemble a team and proceed with Unit-00's re-fit," Ritsuko said. "I would much rather get started sooner than later. I will also look into clearing Rei for a second activation test as soon as possible. Unless you have any objections."

Ikari looked at her sternly for a moment, a look that was both a warning and a threat. "None." He then turned to Fuyutsuki. "Maintain a link to the UN's spy satellites and keep an eye on our Chinese friends. I don't want any more surprises."

"As ordered," the Sub-Commander answered. "Should we alert the Security Council?"

Ikari thought about his answer for a long, silent moment—he wasn't the heartless maniac people seemed to think he was, after all. Then, he shook his head and said heavily, "Foreknowledge denotes complicity."

Fuyutsuki understood.

It was a terrible thing, but he understood.

* * *

"Asuka's gone to school," Misato said from the doorway. Her voice was meant to be comforting, Shinji was sure, but he felt no comfort from it. "She'll be staying with Hikari for now. I don't know if she'll be coming back."

It was early in the morning, around the time when Shinji would normally be up and getting ready for school. Asuka would be on his heels, barking orders left and right—make breakfast, make bentos, put your shoes on, normal stuff—and Misato would look on them from the kitchen table wondering how they managed to make it work every day.

They didn't—they never had. Their interactions were the result of their characters, hers domineering and his subservient, and existed only because they had to. They had never managed to come to terms with another. Not as teens, not as roommates, not even as Eva pilots. Was it surprising at all that they couldn't live together?

Shinji lay on his bed, facing the wall so that his back was to Misato. His S-DAT had died during the night and he hadn't felt like changing the batteries. From that point on his only companion had been the silence; he had waited in vain for sleep to relief him of his thoughts.

He had already been awake for hours when Misato knocked on his bedroom door. Hearing no reply, she had quietly slid it open. Unlike Asuka, he'd never bothered installing a lock.

He wished now that he had.

Misato was looking at him, and he could almost see the pity in her eyes. He could feel it. And it made the guilt harder to bear. He didn't deserve it—if she only knew what he'd said to Asuka she wouldn't pity him. Even if she knew the redhead had said it to him first, even if she knew Asuka had tried to strangle him. She would despise him, too.

Behind him Misato sighed, realizing he wasn't going to answer her. "Shinji, I understand that some things are hard to talk about. But that doesn't mean you should keep them to yourself. And you do have people around you who are willing to listen."

She paused, perhaps to give him a chance to say something. To refute her, maybe, or to tell her how she was wrong and how alone he really was.

"Maybe you could go see Rei?" Misato suggested. "She's well enough to see you, I think. I'm sure she'd like to have you visit. It'd make her feel better. Don't worry about school, I'll make something up. That always works."

Shinji stared at the wall. He could not, however, ignore the fact that Rei would indeed be the one he could talk to without feeling worse than he did now. Everyone else would drive stake of guilt deeper.

Rei—it was because he defended her that Asuka had got upset in the first place. What else was he supposed to do? Shinji could tolerate Asuka being abusive towards him—her insults and her punches had become the routine—but for her to treat Rei that way was more than even the human doormat could bear. He'd done what he thought he needed to do. He'd only thrown Asuka's own words back at her. They were hurtful words, but they were HER words. She'd only been on the receiving end of the same kind of spite she used on everyone else.

That's what it felt like to have someone tell you they hated you, that they wanted you to die. Like she herself had done to Rei.

"This is just like what happened with that boy, isn't it?" Misato said. "You felt like it was your fault, even though nobody would blame you. I'm not your mother, Shinji. I know that. I'm not going to tell you everything will be alright. But what I can tell you is that it will never get better unless you decide to make an effort."

"His named was Kaoru," Shinji said suddenly. It was the first time he spoke to her that morning. "That boy—his name was Kaoru."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She hesitated. "Just think about what I said. Don't let this be like before. You don't have to. You are not alone."

Shinji heard her move away, the sound of her footsteps slightly muted by her stockings, and then he heard his bedroom door sliding closed. Misato would be going to work and probably wouldn't be coming back until very late. For all practical purposes she was gone for good. He was alone, whatever she might say. He felt alone.

* * *

Hyuga yawned loudly, stretching his arms like someone who'd just gotten out of bed, then turned to Misato. "Sorry," he apologized. "I didn't get any sleep last night.

"No need to be polite around me." Misato dismissed him with a shake of her head, wishing that by now he'd grown used to being less formal with her. She wasn't going to call him on it or anything. "Ritsuko insisted Unit-00 should be worked on overnight, didn't she?"

"Yeah, me and about very other tech she could find. She seems to have found another gear. I don't know how she does it."

They were outside Central Dogma since this was the only fairly secure location. But instead of meeting on the watermelon field, Misato had driven them a good distance from NERV HQ to a small clearing south of the pyramid where they now stood, leaning on the side of her car. She had been quiet all the way up to now.

"She's a workaholic," Misato said snippily. "I think she assumes everyone around her is as well. If you ask me I think that's an impossibly high standard to expect from people. Any idea about the rush?"

"Only guesswork. I know it was something to do with China. Well, it could be anything really, but our link with the Chinese branch has been on non-stop like we are waiting for something. I have no clue about what is going on over there. But some people are starting to get really mad."

Misato frowned suspiciously. "The Chinese have an Eva, right?"

"Do you want the official or the unofficial answer?" Hyuga shifted his weight, turning so that he was leaning slightly on his side, facing her. "That's what worries me, actually. I have a pen-pal, you see. Inside the Chinese Branch."

Given how much time he spent in front of a computer, Misato was not surprised to hear that. "Lots of counterfeit movies have come from that friendship, I trust."

He didn't acknowledge the joke, not the hidden implication that it might possible to get something out this supposed person.

"Unfortunately, my contact is located in Shanghai, not Beijing—a little out of the loop you might say. But he's been awfully quiet these last few days," Hyuga said gravely, looking at the pyramidal building in the distance. "The UN advisors are going crazy, like everyone else, but the Chinese have only said that they are conducting an experiment. Then even people on the inside who would normally be able to send messages out are prevented from doing so. I might be reading too much into it, of course, but I don't have to tell you what might happen if China gets to make Unit-A operational."

"The balance is disrupted," Misato said quietly.

"Precisely," Hyuga continued. "China was never supposed to keep an Evangelion, remember? They were to build one and turn it over to the UN, like Germany. And India and Pakistan are horrified at the prospect of China having an Eva. Russia seems indifferent, though, but you know the Russians. What is really troubling is the fact that China has been ignoring all proper channels of communication and the government still claims it's just for research purposes, when we know that it isn't."

"Research of what?" Misato replied, folding her arms. "Why? They have to know we know they're lying."

"God only knows," Hyuga said. "I'd imagine the UN fears that China is doing weapons testing with the Eva. This creates a nightmare scenario: India, Pakistan and Russia are nuclear powers. If they think China is planning something against them they'll hit the panic button."

"And everyone goes boom, from weapons they're not even supposed to have. You gotta love the modern age," Misato said with a lot of bitterness. More that Hyuga seemed to think the situation called for.

"Major, is there something wrong?" he suddenly asked, though not to Misato's surprise; Hyuga was nothing if not attentive.

She shook her head slowly. "Nothing."

Hyuga made a face, hinting concern over curiosity. "Major … you know, we don't always have to talk about stuff like this. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to, well, if you needed someone to vent."

"It's not that you haven't earned my trust, Hyuga," Misato said, carefully treading waters she was not very comfortable in, aware that saying the wrong thing might give him the wrong impression. She didn't want to push him away, but also didn't want to draw him closer. "You have my trust. You are probably the only one I CAN trust. It's just difficult to talk about personal feelings with anyone. Particularly feelings that are ... less than pleasant."

"Is it something to do with the Children?"

Yeah, she was so predictable, Misato thought sourly. Really there were only a few things that got to her the same way that her two teen wards did. Ritsuko had once accused her of wanting to play surrogate mother because it would help her life feel less empty. Misato had to agree there was an element of truth there, but she didn't see how caring for other people could possibly be a bad thing. She still didn't think it was, whatever her present feelings. Shinji and Asuka represented part of a life she couldn't have, which she didn't even know she wanted until she'd taken them under her wing.

But they weren't family, and her feelings were little more than stand-ins to fill in the void. To make her feel better. Unlike a real mother whose duty it was to keep her family together, all Misato could do to help was break it apart.

"Have you been giving it some though?" Misato asked, still sounding slightly bitter despite being guiltily aware that Hyuga didn't deserve it. "Or did you come up with that assumption just now?"

He was taken aback, his manner changing apologetically, and Misato utterly hated herself. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, just like Shinji would.

And it was holding that mental image, that of the brown-haired Third Child lying disconsolate in bed, and of what she had told him before about opening up to people that she realize it was okay for her to do the same. Shinji was never as alone as he thought—he had Rei Ayanami. And so Misato had Hyuga.

She turned around, leaning tiredly forward and folding her arms on top of the car. She didn't take her eyes away from Hyuga, as if trying to measure his sincerity. "Yeah, it's the Children," Misato said finally. "They had a fight."

"But you've said they are always fighting," Hyuga said.

"No, this is different," Misato replied. "I had to send Asuka to stay with a friend. I had no other choice."

"I'm sure you did what was best," Hyuga said, clearly trying to make his superior feel better. But it was a line Misato had all but grown immune to.

"I don't know what they said to each other. When Shinji told me what happened he was his reluctant to say much. He said they fought, but wouldn't tell me anything more. I know it was bad. I can't blame him, can I? He goes out of his way to avoid confrontation. But Asuka … when Asuka wants to hurt she knows exactly what to say. And she won't even look at me—that's nothing new, really. This morning I found her sitting in the kitchen, wiping tears out of her eyes. She yelled when I asked what was wrong. You know her, she has to be strong. She can't possibly let anyone near her. Even though she had hurt Shinji just as much, I wanted so bad to just ... tell her it's okay to cry, and just hold her. But I couldn't ..."

As the words spilled out of her so did the emotions, and before she knew it the hardened facade of NERV's Chief of Operations had fallen away and left only Misato Katsuragi, the woman who had never really grown up, the would-be mother who couldn't take care of herself let alone two young teenagers that hated each other.

She buried her face on her folded arms, fighting to keep the tears at bay. A fight she was quickly losing. "I can't do anything for Asuka. I can't do anything for Shinji. I never could. I just ask things from them—ask them to risk their lives, ask them to suffer—but I can't do anything to repay their sacrifice. They deserve better ... they deserve better than me."

Hyuga stood by silently until she finished, and she was convinced he would be disgusted to have his superior officer break down in such an unsightly fashion. His silence was proof that he didn't approve.

But then he moved closer, placing an arm on top of the car next to her. "Says who, Major?" he told her kindly. "Who could want anything more than someone who cares for them?"

Misato opened her eyes, lifting her head. The world had become blurry as seen through the distortion of her tears. She wiped them away on a red sleeve. "It isn't that simple. Caring for them is easy, it comes naturally, but I should do more than that. I should be able to help them."

"Major, I wouldn't ever want to presume I know what to do, but don't you think that, maybe, you being there for them already is a lot of help. You can't force anyone to accept help if they don't want it, but they know it's there if they need it."

Misato could tell he really meant it, too. It wasn't the sort of artificial kindness people were so prone to giving one another without any real feeling behind. Strangely, it made her feel at once comforted and saddened: the former because she was assured of his sincerity, the later because whatever she might think of him he would never replace Kaji in her heart.

This was why she had spent the last few months focusing on work and, above all, to preserve Kaji's quest for truth—it was much easier to deal with long-buried secrets than personal ones.

"I don't know," Misato said, forcing herself to regain he composure. "Could we not do this right now, Hyuga? Talking about the Children, I mean."

He seemed puzzled, as if trying to decide between pushing the issue thinking it would do her good or just dropping it completely. Again, his concern for her was painfully obvious. "Sure, Major," the operator said finally. "Anything you wish."

Misato gave him a nod of gratitude.

"So, um, would you like me to find out more about what the Chinese are up to?" Hyuga said.

"No," Misato's reply was almost immediate. She couldn't have cared less. "Whatever they are up to doesn't concern us. They have obviously chosen to play around with something they don't understand. It's their funeral."

* * *

Hikari Horaki felt lonely and maybe that was why she had accepted to have Asuka move in with her again. Her older sister, the person closest to her, had left for Kyoto after the explosion that leveled part of Tokyo-3 rather than stay in a war zone. Hikari had no such freedom of choice. Though she would have gone with Kodama in a heartbeat, her father depended on NERV for work and so he remained behind along with Hikari and her younger sister.

When Misato had called late the previous night to tell her that Asuka was moving out and needed a place to stay, she'd said that Asuka and Shinji had a fight. She wouldn't say over what, however, or what made this particular fight so nasty that they couldn't stay together anymore. The teen pilots were always arguing and fighting like an old married couple—much like she and Toji had, and still did whenever she visited him in the hospital.

It had taken some convincing, but finally her father had agreed to let her bring Asuka in. He'd never even met her the previous time because he always worked so much, Hikari argued, so he wouldn't know she was there, and with Kodama gone it wasn't like they didn't have space. Misato had warned her that Asuka would need some attention, but Hikari kept that to herself. Having gotten permission, she'd phoned Misato and the Major arranged for some of the redhead's things to be taken over.

Misato had said Asuka would meet her at school, but the German girl never showed up. Actually, none of the three children attended that day. Hikari couldn't help worrying—it was in her nature.

Unfortunately, she wasn't just being morose; Asuka really had problems. No matter if she had managed to pull herself together and lead a somewhat normal life after what had happened to her. She deserved a lot credit for that, even admiration. But she had problems.

Hikari, having never experienced the kind of trauma Asuka had endured, could not really relate to her on the sort of level she would've wanted. And as Asuka had cried herself to sleep that night, Hikari had been utterly unable to comfort her. She had felt useless and undeserving. There she was, supposedly caring for someone and yet managed to do nothing in the end. She was the worst sort of friend.

Selfish as it might seem, Hikari knew when Misato called that she wanted to fix that. She wanted a second chance to be there for Asuka.

She waited for her friend for nearly an hour after school, but Asuka never came, so Hikari decided to walk home. Maybe something had happened, she thought. Maybe Misato had left a message.

Hikari walked down the narrow sidewalk, careful to avoid running into people, and passed in front of the small arcade located on the corner. The place was popular with most students, providing a welcome break after a day full of schoolwork. Hikari had never been big on video games—the only reason she even bought a console was for dating sims—but she and Asuka had hung out there a few times, along with the Three Stooges.

As she peered fleetingly through the front window, Hikari recognized the figure engaged over one of the flashy, loud machines. Her golden-red hair and pointy scarlet hairclips gave her away.

She was wearing her uniform, too; she had certainly left for school that morning as Misato said she would. Hikari sighed, and made her way into the arcade.

"Asuka?" Hikari called shyly, walking over to her distracted friend. She was playing a shooting game, her favorite genre.

Asuka turned her head and gazed at her friend with dull eyes, so much so that they seemed a completely different shade of blue. They were the eyes of someone who had been through a deeply personal tragedy. Hikari could not believe this was the same cheerful, outgoing person she had befriended. How could a mere fight with Shinji Ikari have done this to her?

"Uh...hi, Hikari." Asuka forced herself to smile.

"Hi," Hikari said. Checking out the arcade screen she noticed the initials ALS held all of the Top Ten records—all dated within the last few hours. "Did … did you go to school at all? I've been really worried. Misato told me that..."

"School didn't seem important," Asuka said flatly. She returned her attention to the game, moving the controls with short, practiced movements.

"Well, I thought something happened to you."

Asuka did not reply to that.

Hikari swallowed awkwardly, uncertain of how far she should allow her curiosity to push the issue. "Misato told me that you and Shinji...had problems."

Hikari found more meaning in the heavy silence that followed those rather than on the words themselves. Asuka was many things, but she wasn't coy, and she didn't avoid a subject as blatantly as she was doing now. Normally, she'd try to deflect attention, to deny that something was bothering her and haughtily pretend she was fine. This time there was no pretense in her body language; she wasn't fine.

The freckled girl decided to change the subject.

"You know, I've been really wanting to talk to you for a long time. About what happened before with the Eva in the city. But it's not really important now, I guess. Ever since you came out of the hospital I've just been glad to have you around." She paused and smiled amicably. "So, are you moving in with me after all?"

Hikari reached out a hand intuitively in a gesture of support.

Asuka quickly pulled away. "I told Misato not to bother you with that," the redhead said defensively. "I can go elsewhere."

She turned her head, no longer focusing on the flashing screen but on the window beyond. Hikari could not see her eyes or her expression, only her stiff body language. The Class Rep. was not at all surprised by this behavior. Any of the girls who shallowly hung around Asuka would have given up right then and there, thinking her a lost case and not worth the trouble.

But Hikari was not one of them; where other girls might envy Asuka for her popularity she had long ago gotten used to playing second fiddle to her friend's idol status; she didn't mind that when they were together there was hardly a glance spared in her direction instead of the exotic, sharp-featured, sapphire-eyed redhead. There was no sense in denying that Asuka was simply prettier all-around, and that Hikari, with freckles and her hair in two pig-tails, was no comparison.

The only reason the popular Eva pilot had been drawn to socialize with the Class Rep. in the first place was because of her position as an authority figure. Asuka held extremely high standards for people, matching the almost impossible standard she set for herself. If people didn't measure up then they were not good enough for her. That was Asuka. And as elitist as that attitude might be outwardly, it was not Hikari's place to judge her based solely on it.

Because, like an frozen, unforgiving iceberg, there was a lot more to Asuka beneath the surface.

Their relationship, for example. Hikari knew she meant more to Asuka, even if she refused to admit it, and that Asuka meant more to her. It was no longer a matter of status or standards; there was true fondness between them, tolerance, understanding, a real friendship.

And Hikari knew that was just the sort of thing Asuka needed to hear.

"You know, Asuka …" Hikari gently placed her hand on Asuka's shoulder. "I am your friend, for better or worse. You are … you are like one of my sisters. You are family. And family members are supposed to look after one another. I understand if maybe you feel embarrassed, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I will always look up to you. I'll always want to help you."

"I'm not your sister." Asuka shrugged her off. "I don't have any family. I don't need family."

"Do it for me then," Hikari said. "I told you Kodama moved out, right? I need someone to talk to, you know, about girl stuff. I need someone told tell me if my outfit matches my shoes. I need someone to tell me how I could do better than being just a boring class representative. Someone I can trust."

"You mean you need a bigger sister," Asuka said snidely.

"Well, since you put it that way …"

"I don't want to be a burden," Asuka said, dipping her head slightly.

"Don't be silly. I'd be honored. Pen-pen will be happy to see you too. I can tell he misses you." It was a syrupy thing to say, almost cliché in its simplicity, but it was heartfelt. Asuka seemed to agree as she suddenly lowered her guard and let a little hint of appreciation enter her voice.

Asuka took a long time to think about what was really being offered. Hikari didn't pretend to sneak some sympathy bellow the redhead's radar, but she did hope to make her realize that it was okay to accept a little comfort. Hikari reached again for her friend's shoulder to make her point. When Asuka didn't object, the pigtailed girl knew she had succeeded.

She smiled. "Lets go. Some of your things are probably already waiting for you."

The two schoolgirls stepped outside together and walked side by side to the train station. Hikari was careful not to look terribly concerned, though she could help casting appraising look at Asuka as the walked, quickly looking away when she thought the other girl might see her. Asuka would normally be rightly annoyed by such behavior. Now she said nothing.

That was the thing that upset Hikari the most—her silence, her brooding, miserable silence. And she wondered again what Shinji Ikari could have done to hurt her so badly.

* * *

"A-Ayanami?" Shinji hesitated as he caught sight of Rei Ayanami, who sat on a wheelchair in the middle of the hallway leading to her hospital room, wearing only a white gown and a tired expression. She was talking with Doctor Akagi—rather, Doctor Akagi was talking to her—and he could not help being surprised. He'd not realized that there might be someone else with the First Child when he came to see her, which was stupid in hindsight. He'd even brought flowers, a fact he now found himself feeling very embarrassed about.

"What is it, Shinji?" Ritsuko said. As usual, her voice was cold, her expression clinical as she looked him over.

Rei remained silent besides her, as if she hadn't noticed him at all.

"Um, I ... I wanted to see how Rei was doing and ... " Shinji stuttered, his cheeks warming up to a deep crimson blush. Overcome by his self-consciousness, he didn't dare move a muscle and stood there firmly glued to the spot.

"And you brought her flowers, how charming," Ritsuko said in a sharp tone that sounded slightly amused. She then turned to Rei, and Shinji noticed the much smaller girl had her head bowed and was looking at the floor. "Don't you think so, Rei?"

"Yes," Rei answered obediently.

Being passive was part of her nature, but her manner seemed different now. Not passive as much as it was utterly submissive. Blue hair disheveled, red eyes down, she looked like someone who'd just been picked up from an orphan shelter. Someone without power, without desire, without anything to call her own—even the hospital gown fit her poorly, as if the act of clothing her had merely been an afterthought.

Ritsuko patted Rei on her head, a gesture that coming from anyone else might have been affectionate. But coming from Ritsuko Akagi it carried all the detached satisfaction of petting an obedient dog after performing a successful trick.

Rei did not lift her head or look at her, her face remaining neutral. Like everything else, if she was bothered at being condescended upon she didn't show it.

Shinji swallowed awkwardly, wanting to say something but not knowing what.

"I suppose you want to talk to her alone, right?" Ritsuko said, turning again to Shinji, putting her hands in her pockets in a familiar manner, and walking towards Shinji. "Just don't take too long. Rei, don't forget what I told you."

She said this last part as she moved past the Third Child, without so much as looking back at Rei. Shinji half expected her to whistle and for Rei to follow at her heels.

Shinji waited for Ritsuko to disappear around the corner before cautiously approaching the blue-haired girl. Thankfully, he didn't have to worry about looking her in the eyes as hers were still firmly focused on her tiled floor. "Um …"

He offered her the flowers, red roses because it was apparently the only kind easily available in Tokyo-3.

Rei lifted her gaze, but a questioning expression came over her soft features—barely an expression, really, wondering why he was giving them to her without an obvious reason. "Flowers?"

"I-I just thought that...well, the hospital can be very depressing so..." Shinji began hesitantly, struggling to get the right words, "I thought these might cheer you up."

No one had ever given her flowers before, Shinji was sure of that much. Rei was probably wondering what was she supposed to do with them. Even so, she took them regardless, not saying a word.

"They are red," Shinji continued, feeling stupid for pointing out something so obvious. "I thought they would look nice...and they match your eyes."

"I do not like red," Rei said innocently, unaware of the effect those words would have on Shinji.

The boy froze, wondering desperately if he had made a mistake in bringing the roses. An awkward silence settled over the hallway, until finally …

"S-sorry, I...didn't know..."

"But they look nice," Rei replied. "What do I do with them?"

Shinji raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you put them in water or they'll die," he said.

"I see."

"Uh...Rei?" he started timidly, remembering what Misato had said and what she'd suggested he do. He didn't really think he had a choice. The memory of what he'd told Asuka was too painful, too overwhelming. Keeping it to himself was more than he thought he could endure.

"Yes?"

"I need to...talk to you about something important. You are the only one I can talk to. You are the only one I know will listen to me." He looked nervously down the hallway. "So could I..."

Rei didn't answer right away, which made Shinji wonder if he was intruding on her. He thought she might not have been listening to him, since she was staring at the roses, but the odd sense of detachment was nothing new. No, if she didn't say anything it was because she didn't want to.

"I-I'm sorry..." Shinji apologized, all he could think of doing. "I didn't mean to impose on you. I'll leave you alone."

Shinji turned to leave, but Rei called to him.

"Ikari," Rei whispered, "you can come in if you want. My room is the second door on the left."

Shinji had spent enough in NERV's medical ward that he already knew much of the layout. The nurses knew him on sight, though he'd never learned their names. It was, like most hospitals, a somewhat depressing place despite its benign function. The bright lights and polished tile floors belied the pain that these very walls were built to treat.

He wheeled Rei down the hallway, following her directions until they reached a room with the name Ayanami R. written on a chart hanging on the door. The room looked depressing, almost entirely bare except for the bed and a few small pieces of furniture. Unlike the large room Asuka had been kept in during her coma, Rei's was much smaller and closer to what might have been deemed ordinary with none of the complex life support equipment.

Asuka had required more constant attention in her condition than Rei now did. She had been completely dependant on those around her. Helpless.

Shinji felt a new pang of guilt. He hadn't thought about that for the longest time—about what he had nearly done when the unconscious redhead had laid sprawled, half naked in front of him. He hoped the nurse on duty that day, who certainly must have found Asuka on the bed after he left, had never told her. But it wasn't because he feared her anger. Asuka simply didn't deserve the humiliation such an episode would cause her.

Rei Ayanami, ironically, probably wouldn't have cared.

Closing the door behind them, Shinji pushed the wheelchair-bound girl to the foot of her bed. He carefully placed her left arm around his shoulders to help her up and onto the bed. She was surprisingly light, her skin cold against his.

"Would you like me to put those in water?" he asked her, gesturing towards the flowers she still cradled on her lap.

"I do not have anything to put water in," Rei replied.

Shinji looked around, spotting used plastic dinnerware placed on a tray by her bedside. "A big glass will do, I guess."

He picked up the plastic glass, walked over to the small bathroom, and gave it a rinse under the sink faucet. He then filled it with water and returned to Rei's side, holding out the glass for her to put the flowers in it. She did, and he placed them down on her nightstand. He found a chair nearby and pulled it close.

"So, uh, Rei … I need to talk to you," Shinji said as he sat there uncertain about what to do with himself.

"Go ahead," Rei said, but did not turn to face him. She was staring at the roses in a strangely disconnected manner.

However, Shinji knew she was listening. He struggled to find the words that would properly and coherently explain all the things he was feeling. It took him a while, but he did at last.

"I...I had a fight...with Asuka," he began, focusing on Rei's form. He felt exposed even though she was the one who was nearly naked. His insides felt raw, vulnerable. "And I said things that I shouldn't have...and she...cried."

Rei said nothing, but her red eyes shifted slightly, and her head barely tilted.

"I-I feel horrible. It's not like when we fought before. It's not like when she calls me stupid. Now it's...painful. She shouldn't have said the things she said to you—there's no excuse for saying that even if it's to someone you don't like. I … said them right back at her. I told her I hated her. I told her …" a whimper escaped his lips. "I told her I wanted her to die. And she cried. I made her cry."

Rei still said nothing, and even though Shinji knew it wasn't real he thought he saw in her otherwise neutral eyes a reflection of his own guilt. And for a fleeting second, the red became sapphire blue in his mind's eye and he saw Asuka staring back at him, tears streaming down her pretty face.

That image alone was like a punch to the stomach, because in that very moment Shinji had wounded her more severely than Angels or Evas ever had. Asuka had suffered a lot in her life, having fallen from grace as a child prodigy with the world at her feet to a devastated and bitter teenager. But despite her anger and her haughtiness and her prickly character and everything else that might have influenced her to become the girl she was, Shinji had never seen that look before.

Because that look, that single moment of painful sorrow, encapsulated all that was wrong in their relationship. All the things he had always felt but never said.

"I shouldn't have… " Shinji barely managed, feeling stinging tears rolling down his own cheeks, "But she... she can be so mean. She had no right to say those things to you … but I had no right to say them to her." He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands, weeping. "I had no right … please, forgive me."

"Forgiveness is not mine to give," Rei said.

Those words, like a drink of cool water on a hot day, had soothing quality that reached beyond the words themselves and touched something else.

Shinji looked up, slightly dumfounded. "Uh?"

Rei was staring at him now, her gaze easy and non-judgmental. "You can ask me for forgiveness, but I have no reason to forgive you. You have done nothing to me that would require it. If you feel it is the Second who should forgive you, then you should go to her and ask her to do so instead."

"I can't." He shook his head, sniffling and wiping away tears with his hands. "I can't go to her. She hates me. She—"

"She is who she is," the albino replied. "And she does not have to forgive you. It is not an obligation."

"But …" Shinji simpered, "what's the point in apologizing to someone if they will just hate you for it?"

"Will it make you feel better?"

After that Shinji fell silent, uncertain about the answer and its implication. It would make him feel better, but that was just his selfishness. It wouldn't help Asuka, and it wouldn't make _her_ feel better. And so he would only fuel her hatred of him, gaining nothing else.

"People make themselves what they want to be, not what others wish them to be," Rei said. "I can only be me, and no one else. You accept me for being me, so you should accept her for being her."

Shinji didn't understand how that could help. He'd tried to accept Asuka, finally resigning himself to letting her be alone, because he was sure that was what she wanted of him. He'd tried to accept that even though he didn't like her attitude or her abrasive personally as a whole, those were qualities that made the Second Child the girl she was. All she had to do was be a little nicer to him, a little more thoughtful, and he would have gladly repaid her kindness several times over.

But Asuka would do none of those things. Because she hated him. And after what he'd said, maybe she did indeed have a right to.

The silence lasted several minutes in which Shinji tried to compose himself.

"Is that all?" Rei finally said.

Her voice was soft as always, but Shinji was suddenly taken aback by her bluntness. "Y-yes..."

"Then I think you should go." She lay back on her pillow and stared at the ceiling, not caring to cover herself with the thin bed sheets. There was no indication of antagonism coming from her, nor was there any sense that he was bothering her. And yet …

"Rei, are you...angry with me?" he couldn't help asking. In his present state he didn't think he could take someone else rejecting him.

"No, why should I be?" Rei answered calmly. "The doctor told me to rest for the next activation test."

"Activation?" Shinji stared at her in disbelief. "So soon?"

"You will not make a scene, will you?"

Shinji wasn't stupid, no matter what Asuka liked to say, and so he'd never believed the tests would be stopped for something as seemingly unimportant as Rei getting hurt. But what purpose could they achieve by putting her back in the Eva when she was still bedridden?

NERV—his Father couldn't possibly think she was so disposable. She was a pilot, but also a teenager, someone like him, someone like Asuka, and her life had value too. But any outrage was futile, and he was already too emotionally exhausted. There was nothing he could do about it now. He couldn't protect her; couldn't speak for her; couldn't apologize. He was useless to her, same as with everyone else.

The waves of heavy feelings pushed down on him, making him sink on the chair, shoulders slumped, head down.

"I have to pilot Eva," Rei said, turning her head and looking blankly into space. "There is nothing else I can do. It is the reason I exist."

* * *

Wearing her pink cotton pajamas in the middle of the day was as embarrassing as it was liberating. Hikari could not remember the last time she'd been home this late aside from weekends and sick days, and even then she didn't tend to linger in her PJs through the morning. She'd awoken early as usual, but between seeing Nozomi off to school and waiting for Asuka to get out of bed had ended up parked in front of the TV in the living room, another thing she didn't usually do.

Asuka was a guest, and so Hikari didn't mind accommodating her. But it was pushing noon now, and there was still no sign of the noisy redhead coming down the stairs to have breakfast. Or lunch.

Hikari sighed, laid down the remote control on the couch next to her, and got up. She slipped her feet into her pink slippers and headed up the stairs. Since Kodama had left there was a spare bedroom next to Hikari's. And since she knew Asuka valued her privacy as much as anyone she'd ever met, she had taken a room to herself.

In was in her upbringing, Hikari thought tolerantly. Western cultures did not believe in sharing one's personal space with others. Asuka, raised in Germany for most her childhood, fit that particular mold perfectly.

Hikari knocked on the door. There was no response, nor had she expected any to be forthcoming; Asuka, though she didn't say it, wanted to be left alone. It was that, more than the possibility that she might have overslept, that prompted Hikari to check on her. As the door had no lock, knocking to let her know she was coming in was just courtesy.

"Time to get up," she said. "It's nearly noon, you know."

Hikari slid the door open, stepped inside, then softly closed the door behind her. The room was mostly as Kodama had left it—she couldn't take many of her things with her to Kyoto. City apartments were minuscule things. The thing that had always struck Hikari about her sister's room was the cleanliness, even by her own standards. Everything had its place, everything seemed to match every other thing. Even now, the only things that stood out were a backpack thrown hastily at the foot of a dresser, and a white and blue school uniform draped over the back of a chair.

In the few days Asuka had been here she hadn't bothered putting anything away, simply discarding things as she used them and generally making a mess. Hikari cleaned up after her; it was okay, she didn't mind.

"_Kodama would be outraged_," Hikari thought in slight amusement. She took a knee and picked up the backpack, setting it carefully in the chair. The content was mostly clothing and underwear, and a few toiletries. Asuka's Section 2 bodyguards had brought over another suitcase but she hadn't gone near it yet. Finally, Hikari turned her attention to the bed.

Asuka lay curled under the sheets, her slender form covered but unmistakable, her pale feet and a sheet of flaring locks from her golden-red mane visible at either end. Even as she stood over her, Hikari could hear the animated rhythm of the music she was listening to blaring through her headphones, the volume turned up as high as it would go. Pen-Pen was lying on his stomach next to the bed, his small beady eyes closed.

Hikari sighed again and sat beside her friend on the bed, careful not to step on the dozing penguin. She reached underneath the sheets, finding the little digital music player and switching it off with a thumb. Asuka did not stir. Hikari turned her head away, keeping her eyes on the room rather than on the covered girl.

"I know you can hear me, Asuka," she said. "It's time to get up."

"What for?" Asuka's voice was raspy but still low, not the usual shrill tone. Odd.

"Well, it's a sunny day," Hikari said, "and since neither one of us is going to school I thought maybe you'd want to do something fun. No point in missing school again if we are just going to be inside all day."

"I didn't ask you to stay."

"How could I go anywhere?" Hikari said. "After what I said."

"If you want to be mad at me then go ahead, I don't care. I don't care about anything."

She sounded like she meant it, too, which worried Hikari. Asuka was not suicidal by any stretch, but she did have a self-destructive streak. She'd run away once before, and while the circumstances of how she was eventually taken back into custody were not known to Hikari, she was smart enough to relate the onset of her depression with her lengthy hospitalization.

She had heard some rumors, the sort that seemed to come out of thin air: the Second Child had been found sitting in a bathtub full of filthy water, naked and starved as though she had simply stopped caring about herself. Such a scene was something worse than Hikari could imagine. It couldn't be true; no matter how bad things got, the Asuka she knew would never sink that low.

But then again, she didn't really know anything about Asuka, did she?

"You know," Hikari started, making an effort to get her talking, "I never asked you this, but what was it like? When you came to Japan, I mean. Is it what you thought it'd be like? Is it very different from Germany? Do you miss your friends?"

"I was fourteen when I graduated college. I didn't have any friends. I was the youngest girl in every class I ever took. The boys would look at me, but not one of them ever approached me. I was taboo for them. Fine, men are pigs anyway. My teachers despised me because I was smarter than they were. I had all the answers. I made them look bad. After I moved into the dorm I never went back home, but that was fine too. When I was little my stepmother only ever looked after me to be close to my father. It was all a charade. My whole life's been like that."

As she rambled, the tone of her voice changed erratically, as though it was difficult for her to control it. Hikari noticed her stirring under the sheets, moving her hands up to where her face would be. The sheets were thin, and she thought Asuka might be further covering her face out of shame.

"Come on, Asuka. Everything can't be so bad," Hikari said, fighting the urge to actually reach out and comfort her—Asuka didn't like to be touched in any manner that would indicate weakness. "You have to believe that things will work out. You'll go back to pilot your Eva. Maybe have a talk with Shinji."

"It's ... okay," Asuka muttered. "I'm used to it. I deserve it."

"No, Asuka…"

"That day … that day I got in the Eva, the Angel showed me what I was like. It made me realize … that I deserved it." Asuka curled up tighter, drawing the sheets along as she tucked in her knees and her arms.

"Nobody deserves to be hurt like that." Oddly enough, Hikari thought of Toji, and all the pain and hurt that had brought along. But despite that, the times she went to see him during weekends were the happiest she could remember. So pain did not exist in a vacuum, and it could eventually lead to happiness.

Hikari had managed that strictly on her own, through no fault of Asuka's or her sisters. And she was sure that with her help the haughty redhead could do the same.

"It's stupid, really," Asuka continued. "It showed me … I should've known when I kissed him. I knew what I wanted, and that he wouldn't give it to me. But I didn't know why. I pretended like I didn't care—it was such a stupid thing to cry over." Her voice quivered, and Hikari heard her sniffle. "I can't pretend anymore, Hikari. I don't want to."

"So don't," Hikari said, looking down at her intently for the first time. "The first step in being honest with others is being honest with yourself. Sounds to me like you've already managed that."

"No." Asuka shook her head on her pillow. "It's too late."

Hikari could not ignore the signs any longer. She had to do something. Carefully, she reached down and picked up the edge of Asuka's sheet, and pulled it back just enough to see her face. But what she saw made her gasp. The crystal blue orbs were surrounded by bloodshot white, her high cheeks were streaked, and the pillow was stained where it had absorbed her tears. Her face was set, that determined expression of someone trying to retain their composure. "How long have you been …"

"That's none of you business," Asuka snatched the sheet from her hand and tossed it over her head again. "Leave me alone."

But Hikari didn't move. She sat there quietly, and no longer cared that she was still wearing her pink pajamas in the middle of the day.

* * *

Time had no value for Rei Ayanami. Other people lived their entire lives by it, and so Rei was forced to accept that it existed because it helped in her interpersonal relations with others to have a point of reference. Thus, Rei did not have time; she had schedules. Her life was measured by cycles—eat, sleep, go to school, do what you are told. It was simple and liberating. All she had to do was follow and obey.

She had been doing that as long as she could remember. She had been doing it without thinking. Only recently had she begun to understand what it meant. She obeyed his will because she was his doll. He created her. He was her master. She would die if he asked her to.

The Second had said so, and despite the girl's harsh manner, Rei had enough self-awareness to realize that she was right. Rei knew what not being liked was like from her experiences with Doctor Akagi, and there was no doubt the Second Child disliked her. But that did not reduce the truth of her words. And although the truth bothered her, she also realized there was nothing she could do. Rei envied the Second; she had the determination, the agency, the very human desire to make herself into more.

Rei had none of those things.

As she pressed the button on her plug-suit's wrist, she could not get that thought out of her mind. She would die—she did die. But not for him. The images of her death were vivid. She saw them as if it had been herself who died, even though she had not even been born. Ayanami had died, not Rei… not her.

Why was she doing it again? Why then, when the only outcome was pain, was she allowing herself to be placed in this situation again?

The plug-suit's mechanism hissed as it vented the air out and tightened around Rei's body with an iron grip. She winced, the touch feeling like a hundred vices clamping down on her. It was a reminder that while she may have been scheduled for a second activation test, she still wasn't physically recovered from the first one.

Rei couldn't know how many days had passed. Most of her time was spent sleeping or medicated to combat the aching tenderness in her whole body. She hurt—her muscles, her chest, her joints, her head. It was as though she'd taken a beating. Despite the rest, she was weak and slightly disoriented, and felt a hint of the squirming emotion that she'd come to define as apprehension. Normally, she'd be able to simply put it out of her mind. She wasn't supposed to feel frightened. She wasn't supposed to feel anything.

Now, however, the doubts lingered.

Why was she doing it again?

Because she was his doll—the only answer that really mattered. He created her to do his will. If she didn't, then she had no purpose. Her life would be meaningless. She would do it because it was all that she had. It wasn't an issue of choice. A choice entailed the use of free will. There was no such thing in Rei's life.

"Rei?" The voice startled her for a second, before she recognized the man it belonged to.

Rei turned her head to look at him, lowering her eyes instinctively. "Yes, Commander Ikari?"

Ikari was standing by the locker room bench, arms in his pockets, his stony gaze looking her over. Something heavy pressed down on Rei's sore chest, taking away most of her breath, and making her incredibly aware that the world suddenly was no longer fixed. She did not close her eyes to wait for the sickness to pass. She stood her ground and willed herself to remain still.

"Are you ready, Rei?" he asked, his words dull and so emotionless it made her wonder if she too could sound like that.

"Yes, sir." Rei remembered how she—how Rei Ayanami—felt when around Commander Ikari. She liked him, thought of him as a father. She knew he would protect her, never hurt her. But that had been someone who had actually grown up with him, and in whom he had an interest. This girl, this Rei Ayanami, did not share that bond.

She was a realist, a term she'd heard used by their teacher at school and then looked up to learn its meaning. She understood the difference between who she had been and who she was. Understood that she could not take the place of the girl who had been lost. She wasn't Rei Ayanami, just a replacement with the name and soul of someone else.

The human mind was a blank page at birth, an empty construct to be filled with the hubris of growth and experience in a changing world. Sin and virtue—love and hate—were things to be learned, understood by interaction. But Rei had merely inherited them. Her mind was a book that had already been written. The world was not hers to experience.

"Dr. Akagi has modified Unit-00's test parameters. She is confident it will work this time," he said.

"Yes, sir. I'm sure it will." Rei said. Her words too were empty, merely an echo of the meaninglessness she felt within.

Then she heard footsteps. Commander Ikari came to stand in front of her, but she could only bow her head and stare at his shoes. He reached out a gloved hand, tucking it underneath her delicate chin in a strangely fatherly gesture, and lifted her head.

Rei stared into his eyes, red meeting black.

"I know this is hard on you, but you must understand what's at stake," Ikari said. Because he was so much taller than her, he had to look down to make eye contact, and yet there was no condescension in the way he addressed her. "This is not the way it was supposed to be. It is not the way we had meant it."

"I do not understand, sir. But I do not care to understand. I only expect to do what I must."

Gendo Ikari nodded. "And what is it that you must do?"

"Pilot Eva," she answered mechanically.

"Why?" He almost seemed surprised, though there was really no such thing as surprise in a man like him.

"That's what you gave me life for. That's what you require of me, is it not?"

"Yes, indeed it is," Ikari said. "But I will also require one more thing. If the time should come when I find myself in the position of having to risk your life, you should know that there is something more important you must do. You must survive. No matter how painful. Before, when the Dummy System was fully operational, you would have been considered disposable. But that time has passed. You are the last. And if you are to fulfill your purpose, you must survive."

She would die if he asked her to.

Rei saw the words appear vividly in her mind. She knew they were true. She looked at the man —no, the monster that stood before her and fought the urge to wrap her fingers around his throat. She could kill him. She could activate her Eva and destroy him, his world, his hopes. But then her purpose would be gone. By killing Gendo Ikari she would also be killing herself.

"Rei," Ikari demanded. "Do you promise?"

Rei was taken aback but gave the expected answer regardless. "Yes, sir."

"Good." He moved his hand, taking with it Rei's last human contact. He did not bid her farewell or good luck or anything else; he just walked off, walking silent and slowly with the strong, reassured stride of someone in total control.

Rei took a step to follow him. That was as far as got.

It was as though a button had been pressed and her balance disappeared. She stumbled, trying to brace against the nearby wall of metal lockers, her head spinning. She fell ungracefully, collapsing in a heap of white and blue. She lay there for a moment, gasping for air through clenched teeth, fighting the urge to vomit.

And then she began pulling herself up, whimpering from the effort. She forced her body to stand, leaning heavily against the front of the nearest locker and finding handholds where she could, the grip pads on the palms of her gloves providing some traction. Her body protested. The fall had now added a distinct throbbing quality to an already flaring headache.

When she was reasonably certain that she would not be hitting the floor again, Rei took a step. Her balance was unsteady but workable. She was careful to walk slowly, and not to stumble—she could not afford to. There would be no getting up again.

* * *

"Second and third set connections have been cleared," Aoba called out from his station, drawing the attention of the two women standing at the observation window. "Approaching borderline."

"What's Rei's status?" Maya asked worriedly. She had been carefully studying Unit-00 through the thick armored glass, as if somehow close visual inspection would allow her any problems better than the MAGI computers. It was a preposterous idea, but it made her feel better. Beside her, Ritsuko Akagi remained unconcerned.

"Pilot condition is green," Haruna confirmed. "Heart rate and breathing have quickened, beta waves are elevated. Everything is still within parameters, though. No anomalies on the A-10 pattern."

"Now we find out if we must pay for our sins in blood," Ritsuko said, looking at Maya. The young lieutenant bit down on her lip. "Relax, Maya. It'll be fine."

"It makes me nervous when you talk like that, like you are waiting for the end of the world."

"Don't worry, I don't believe humans have the ability to end the world anymore than to make miracles happen, or have others fall in love with us."

"1.4 to borderline clearance," came the word from Aoba.

Beyond the glass Unit-00 remained still, the sparking blue finish of its round head and new armor reflecting the lights that ran along the ceiling of the cage, a single red eye staring fixedly into space, unmoving and unblinking.

None of the Evangelions had been designed or built with their intended pilots in mind—they were tweaked in order to maximize their performance with a particular child in the same way other war machines can be altered to achieve greater destructive power. But since it was impossible to determine who could become an Eva pilot at birth, the individual units could not be built to suit any one person. Cores could be swapped out based on certain criteria Maya herself did not fully understand, but she assumed were based on a pilot's particular needs; software could be written and changed, which was what they'd been unsuccessfully attempting.

But the Evas ... somehow they always seemed to reflect a part of their pilot's personality. Somehow it was as though a particular pilot was meant to be matched up with a specific Eva unit. Previous cross-synchronization experiments had shown the links formed between the pilot and the Eva were not unlike those between children and their mothers, although completely artificial, and just as hard to break or replace.

"1.0"

That was why each Child could only pilot his or her Eva. And in time, at some primordial psychological level, the characteristics of the living were passed onto the non-living technology. Unit-00 was no different; it shared Rei's aura of mystery and, it turned out, a level of quiet unpredictability.

"Borderline cleared!" Haruna announced, standing from her console, obviously excited. "Final connections enabled. Pilot's brainwaves are normal, pulse normal. Evangelion Unit-00 has been activated!"

There was a general sigh of relief as those words echoed through the control room. Someone cheered; Aoba, Maya guessed. She looked over at Ritsuko. The older woman in turn looked at her with something akin to pride. "You really don't give yourself enough credit, Maya. You can't succeed if you are always ready to fail."

Maya blushed and nodded. But before she could offer her gratitude at being compliment by someone she admired in the way she did Ritsuko, the blond Doctor had already turned to the bank of technicians behind the two of them. "Open a channel to the pilot."

Hyuga nodded and did as he was told.

"Channel's open, Ma'am."

Ritsuko stepped from the window and moved towards one of the terminals, making the young technician sitting there tense noticeably. "Rei, can you hear me?"

"Yes." Rei's voice was weak, little more than a whisper carried over the speakers as if she were standing right there with them.

"We are done with the activation now." Ritsuko said. She cast a look in Maya's direction. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"That's good to hear," Ritsuko said, although there was no telling about her sincerity as she sounded as cold as Maya had ever heard her. "Do you think you can handle the mobility test?"

That was a rhetorical question, and everyone present—certainly everyone who'd ever spent time around Rei Ayanami—knew it. Maya would never accuse Rei of being a liar in that self-interest was required in order for something to be lie and she had no such thing. She was as selfless as they came, to the detriment of her own health.

"Yes." Rei said without hesitation.

Maya was ready to protest but held back at the last second, remembering she wasn't on solid enough ground to object to anything Ritsuko, and the Commander by proxy, wanted to do.

Something of her reluctance showed on her face, however, and Ritsuko was quick to give her a disapproving glare. The short-haired girl felt as though she was back in college, being reprimanded by a teacher for a sub-par term paper she had obviously thought was good enough to make the grade.

Belatedly Maya realized that her relationship with Ritsuko was just that. She was the younger student who failed to make her instructor notice her, and Ritsuko was just like those professors. Cold, detached—they had tenure, what did they care?

What did Ritsuko Akagi care?

"Good," Ritsuko said, and Maya had the impression that she was talking to her instead of Rei. "Let's get this over with."

A series of acknowledgements followed, and a flurry of activity took over the crowded control room. But even as the technicians busily typed commands at their stations, Maya felt one or two sets of eyes land questioningly on her.

She turned back to once more peer out the armored window at the cage beyond, imagining that inside the blue Evangelion the First Child could very well be looking at her also. Maya shook her head slowly, in case it wasn't just her imagination.

* * *

The two roommates sat together at the dinner table for what seemed like the first time in ages. Shinji had cooked, of course, something for which Misato was grateful because she was getting pretty bored with the watery soups and tasteless concoctions provided by all of Central Dogma's cafeterias. The fact that he had taken it upon himself to cook also meant he was coping, even if he still wasn't going to school.

Misato had always loved Shinji's cooking, but no matter how hard she tried to enjoy it, the awkward silence inthe room made her feel slightly uncomfortable. They hadn't spoken about Asuka in days. Shinji seemed as keen to avoid the subject as she was to make sure he was doing alright. She tried not to look at him, fearing she might increase the awkwardness between them and cause him to walk up and leave.

She didn't want to drive him away—the one thing she thought he needed was someone to be with.

"I'm finished," Shinji said as he set his chopsticks down on the table, next to his plate.

Misato lifted her gaze from her own plate, which was only half empty, and looked at the boy. He was depressed, she could tell. His shoulders were sagging, his whole posture slumped. The pale blue orbs of his eyes seemed bleaker than she remembered.

Shinji had always had sad eyes. It just one of things—somehow the physical qualities of a person reproduced and even magnified emotions held deep inside. He was a gloomy, quiet kid, perhaps moreso than anyone that age should be, but sad was a different level entirely. Gloomy was usually a disposition towards the future; sadness stemmed from something that had already happened and could not be changed.

Sadness could not be fixed, no matter how much Misato wished she could.

"Dinner was very good, Shinji," she said somewhat cheerfully, trying to ease the tension that had grown between the two of them. "You really outdid yourself."

"Thank you," Shinji replied in a whisper, his head down.

"Maybe if things had been different, you could have become a chef." Misato didn't like the how that sounded, as if that possibility was gone forever when it really wasn't. Shinji was young, and he had his whole life ahead of him. He was an Evangelion pilot, but that wasn't all he could ever be.

"Maybe..." Shinji began. He pushed his plate away and rose slowly to his feet. "Uh...Misato-san, can I ask you a question?"

He hesitated as he said this, clearly attempting to broach an even more uncomfortable subject. Misato had a good idea what was coming, and braced herself. "What is it?"

Shinji swallowed awkwardly, hands clenching repeatedly at his side "I-I just wanted to know … Ayanami—Rei, she … I can pilot Eva. That's what you need me to do, right? I can pilot it. I can do anything. But Rei …"

"You want to pilot so she doesn't have to?" Misato finished for him.

"Yes," he said with uncharacteristic assertiveness. "I'll do anything. I won't complain. I won't disobey orders. Just don't make her …" he stopped suddenly, and Misato realize he was only now registering the look of regret on her face. "Sorry."

"I don't understand why Rei chooses to do what she does," Misato said. "But she does. Nobody makes her do it. I think maybe she's aware than we've been living in borrowed time—that sooner or later we'll need the Evangelions. You are one thing, but Asuka's out of the question."

The redhead's name seemed to catch him by surprise. He swallowed whatever protest he wanted to make. A shadow settled over his young face.

It was the first time the subject was brought up; Misato had not figured out how to do so and not come across as accusatory. Despite her best efforts, however, Shinji's conscience was not about to let him get off that easily. Her mentioning it now only seemed to upset him more.

He started to blush, but not from shame—it was anger turned inwards. Self-hatred. At that moment he was caught between confronting a very harsh reality and running away.

"I...I didn't mean to hurt her," he said remorsefully.

Misato nodded. It was all she could do. "I know, Shinji."

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Shinji..."

"I didn't mean for her to go away!" he yelled, as if needing to make her understand—there didn't seem to be anything more important to him in the world.

"We never mean for bad things to happen, Shinji," she said, doing her most motherly impression. "But they happen anyway. It's a part of life. All we can do is make sure that when bad things do happen, we should always try to find a way to overcome them. I don't think I'm the one you should be saying these things to, either. There's only one person who should know you didn't want to hurt them. And it isn't me." Misato pressed her lips. "What else can I say?

"Not much...I guess," Shinji replied dourly. "I just...don't know how to deal with this."

"With what?" Misato asked.

"The feeling of guilt," Shinji said. The admission seemed to hit him like a physical blow. His face hardened, a young set of features frozen in seriousness. "The feeling that this is all my fault. That I shouldn't have said those things. That … that I …"

"Only you can come to terms with your own feelings." She stopped him before he got any further, knowing full well where that lonely road would lead him.

Neither of them said anything else for a while. The silence hung in the clammy kitchen air like a blanket, pushing aside the smell of freshly-cooked food and filling the senses with something far less pleasant.

There was hardly any need for him to tell her that he was sorry in the first place. She had known him long enough to realize he wouldn't hurt a fly without provocation. It wasn't in his nature in the same way that confrontation _was_ in Asuka's. Again she regretted the decision to bring them together, to even dare to imagine that their personalities could peacefully coexist.

Finally, Shinji turned around. "I'm going to bed."

"Good night."

He picked up his plate and put it in the sink. He'd made it a few steps into the living room, before he stopped and then turned back. "Misato-san?"

"Yes?" she said attentively.

"Would you mind taking out the trash tonight? I know it's my turn, but I'm...just too tired."

He could have asked her to quack like a chicken and she would have done it. He could have asked for a lot more. Misato remembered how, in the depths of the war with the Angels, she had gone as far as offering him her body. She had only touched him, to let him know that she was there for him. However wrong it was, she just wanted to make him feel better. But whether it was because he didn't understand or because he didn't want her, Shinji had pulled away. It had been easy to think that he was just too innocent.

Misato regretted that incident, and thinking about it only reinforced the sense that she was completely unprepared for the role she was attempting to play. She wasn't a mother, to either Shinji or Asuka; she was just a stand-in, an unwed matron who was little more than filler.

"Don't worry about it, Shinji," Misato said with a deceptively reassuring wave of her hand. "I got it. You go on. Good night."

"Thank you," Shinji said.

As part of their assigned duties, Section 2 agents kept surveillance on the Children and submitted regular reports. She hadn't been home to keep tabs on him personally, but she was aware of the fact that he had missed school several days in a row. He was probably avoiding Asuka, and missing must have seemed like a reasonable precaution, which she could understand. But the reports also indicated the Second Child had been absent as well. In any case, Asuka could afford to miss school—the only reason she'd been assigned to Class 2-A to begin with was to facilitate surveillance and security—while Shinji couldn't.

Admittedly, Misato had told him to take a day off to go talk to Rei, but she hadn't intended for him to extend that indefinitely.

School, like cooking, represented a future apart from the Evangelion, things that could open many doors later on in life. She would have to talk to him about that. Not now, though. His future was secondary only to his present, and he certainly didn't need a lecture from her right now.

"I'll do the dishes too, Shinji," she added, not feeling it was fair to put him up to doing chores. It was a little thing, but she had to carry her own weight. Shinji needed her to be a grown up, to stop placing undue burdens on his shoulders.

Shinji nodded, bid Misato a good night again and went to his room. His steps were heavy as he went, lacking even the faintest trace of willpower, his socks rustling silently against the floor.

Misato finished her last bite and leaned back on her wooden chair, throwing back her head so that she could stare at the ceiling. The yellow light fell harshly on her face. Her skin was hot and covered in perspiration, even though she only wore a stringy top and shorts. Asuka had always complained about the need for a new air conditioner. But she ignored these things, her mind drifting elsewhere… to Shinji and what he was going through.

Somehow she had to make sense of it—there had to be a logical explanation for how things could have gotten so far out of control. Because, maybe then she'd be able to help him.

"Is that it...a consequence of guilt?" she whispered absently to herself. "He's too hard on himself."

* * *

Russian Foreign Minister Boris Alexandrovich Vassiliesky was used to being respected by anyone he came in contact with—it came from representing the second most powerful nation on Earth—and was extremely annoyed when Gendo Ikari refused to meet him on the time set by the Minister's office and instead arranged his own meeting. To top it off, Ikari appeared pleased at the Russian's willingness to get on his good side; he knew very well that when people want something they are likely to be unusually accommodating.

"Despite what the UN says, the Russian Federation, as you know, is very interested in what NERV has to offer," the Foreign Minister said, setting down his tea cup on the little plate that had been provided.

"I am doubtful of your motives," Gendo Ikari said. "The Evangelion technology is not just for showing off. I must have strict assurances that you will use this gift judiciously."

They were sitting across from each other on one of NERV's most private conference lounges, with several of Ikari's Section 2 people and Vassiliesky's own SPETSNAZ-trained security guards acting as sentries. The only ones that were allowed to move back and forth were the waiters that brought dinner, and the Minister's personal aide.

"Your point is well taken, but I assure you, your fears are unjustified," Vassiliesky said. "My government handled thousands of nuclear weapon for fifty years. Never in that time did we adopt the cavalier attitude of our enemies. We are cautions to the extreme. The same could be said for whatever technology we borrow from you."

Ikari nodded. "Yes, you sound a lot like America when it asked us to grant them this same technology," he said, lacing his fingers in front of his face. "We foolishly did, thinking that the Americans could be trusted. But now you see what's happened. The Americans are trying to push us out of their country. They don't believe they need us anymore."

"Russia is not America," Vassiliesky said slowly, making emphasis on every word. "We remember those who help us, and never forget an affront. Go ask the Germans."

"I am well aware of that," Ikari replied. "Russia is even more dangerous than America. Still, danger is a matter of perspective. On that account alone is that I am willing to offer you a deal."

Vassiliesky leaned forward on his chair, decidedly interested. "I'm listening."

"I will allow your country access to what you want but I will require something of the utmost importance to NERV," Ikari began. "If you refuse then I will have no other option but to ask you to leave immediately."

"You don't leave me many options open, Ikari," Vassiliesky said. "We are not the sort to make decisions on the spot."

"Who needs options?" Ikari said matter-of-factly. "This is my offer, do you take it?"

"And what is it that you want in return?"

"A spare."

Vassiliesky thought about that, judging how much information to reveal. "So you know about that?"

"Unfortunately," Ikari said. "I don't know whether I should be offended that you have begun to move ahead with the next stage of your plan before being granted what you need to complete phase one. It presents me with more arrogance I feel comfortable dealing with."

"A weapon is useless if it can not be deployed on the battlefield," Vassiliesky said. "Even one as powerful as the Evangelion. I'm sure a man like you understands perfectly. I would not be asking for technical data and making deals unless I knew it was workable. But I find it strange that you would require this from us."

"My organization has been infiltrated, so I must outsource." Ikari looked at him evenly, his gaze robotic. His face did not betray the slightest hint of emotion. "You are doubtful, which is permissible given the nature of my request. What do your instincts tell you?"

"My instincts tell me that you are a snake in the grass," Vassiliesky began and then he broke into a smile. "That you are dangerous in the extreme. And that the devil would be foolish to make a deal with you." He paused, grinned. "Are you sure you do not have Russian blood?"

"I am afraid not," Ikari said.

"A pity, really," Vassiliesky said. "Anyway, put your offer in writing and I'll pass it along to my government as the best course of action. Then it'll be up to the boss. He will most likely approve it if I recommend it. Of course, this is all providing that NERV keeps its end of the bargain."

"Nothing in writing," Ikari countered. "I would not be so careless as to sign my name to a piece of paper. You pass along my message, personally if you must."

Vassiliesky paused, considering. A trip to Moscow didn't trouble him—he'd be there tonight should he required it. What bothered him was the Comrade President wanting to know why he'd made the trip at Ikari's behest. Russians ministers were nobody's couriers. On the other hand, the potential behind this proposition was simply staggering. "Very well," he concluded. "I shall do as you request, as a personal favor."

"We must see results before you are allowed access to the requested information. But NERV will keep its word," Ikari said. "Otherwise, I much appreciate your sincerity."

Vassiliesky nodded his agreement. He was not entirely convinced of the other's motives, and the reverse was probably true. However, trust and respect were not mutually exclusive in these sort of dealings. At least as long as one had something the other wanted. "You drive a hard bargain**,** Ikari."

"I wouldn't have lasted very long in this position if I didn't."

* * *

The main control room inside Central Dogma was built in tiers that reflected the command of the organization itself inside a cavernous space. The main deck was essentially the ground floor, although it was built roughly halfway up on the superstructure that took up the room's near wall. The Commander's deck was perched highest on the structure that made up the top tier. The floor plan was geometric, resembling a triangle with a MAGI computer located at each point and stations laid out around the perimeter. It was a modern castle, humanity's last bastion against the Angels.

The front of the room contained the huge tactical display, the world's biggest holographic layout. The hum of machinery was constant but little more than pleasant white noise. Due to the need to control light intensity for the holograms, most of the room was plunged in darkness, making the tiny lights in the further parts twinkle like stars in the night.

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki watched the nearest computer screen as the information was transferred from the Test Facility to the separate consoles and then to the MAGI's main database for analysis. Although it wasn't his custom, he was presently standing on the main deck watching the technicians in front perform their assigned duties.

They were all young men and women. Being among them make Fuyutsuki feel as though he was back in Kyoto, teaching the future generations. Each of these of these youngsters was an Einstein _in potentia_, a Heisenberg.

A Yui Ikari.

Fuyutsuki smiled to himself at the memory. But it was also a sad one—in the end her success meant an end for the potential of youth. Yet another sacrifice for a chance at a new beginning. Things were moving along now. Evangelion Unit-00 was now working, even if only with the old programming, and Dr. Akagi had made good progress on the Dummy. Gendo Ikari was close to attaining his goal, and if NERV could survive the next few days, it would achieve a level of influence comparable only to that of SEELE itself.

Fuyutsuki was more concerned with his immediate superior than with the old men, though. He knew that Ikari was not pleased with the overall delay of his Complementation Project, and that he was even angered by having to divert his original plan to make room for all the issues that had surfaced since the last Angel, particularly Rei.

The universe worked like that; entropy and uncertainty were variables that could not be eliminated, only compensated for.

Had the UN tried to destroy them, Fuyutsuki thought, all the restriction to Complementation would have been removed and Commander Ikari would have been able to do as he wished without repercussions. But, because of Rei, they could no longer guarantee any success. Her loss was the crippling blow that compelled them to be political. Gendo Ikari could only welcome the extra time. He'd had to postpone his plans and alter them in such a way that he could secure SEELE's non-intervention. But Rei was the key.

Yui would have liked for him to wait anyway.

"Commander, I think you should see this," Lieutenant Makoto Hyuga called up to him from his station on the far left side of central computer bank. The Sub-Commander made his way to the computer console and peered intently at the screen.

"What is it?" said Fuyutsuki.

"The MAGI have detected an anomaly in the Earth's electromagnetic field," Hyuga said, pointing to a spike on his computer readout. "Strong enough to trigger our sensors."

"What does it mean?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"Well it's..."

Before Hyuga could finish that sentence all of the alarms went off at once. The control room was plunged into a chaos of sirens and claxons, which Fuyutsuki ordered be disabled immediately. The red emergency lights flashed everything in a deep crimson. The color of blood.

Operators scrambled to their consoles and began typing commands furiously.

"Lieutenant?" demanded the Sub-Commander calmly.

"The MAGI don't know," Hyua said, typing in his computer. "The magnetic anomaly has changed. It looks like an EMP shock wave."

"EMP? Location?"

Fuyutsuki waited for the answer he knew was coming. Surely, this was it.

"Eastern Asia. China. Beijing."

"The Sixth Branch," Fuyutsuki said. "Get the feed from the UN satellites. Invoke query priority Alpha."

"Satellite signal is up," Lieutenant Haruna Hiei announced, sitting in the middle of the computer bank, a worried expression on her face as she turned towards the Sub-Commander. "Sir..."

"Relay to the main display."

The immense screen in the front of the room came to life with a satellite image of Eastern China. The small letters on the bottom left corner identified it as UNS CommSat 46. The screen changed from the graphics to a very fuzzy image, what was usual for long distance transmissions. As the image began to clear, the picture of China zoomed in on the Beijing coordinates. The image was held for a few seconds, and the camera, or whatever it was up there on the satellite, started to rotate. In the time it took for the picture to clear again the sense of alarm that had gripped all those in the control room turned to horror.

A dome of light expanded rapidly across the vast landscape in front of it, consuming everything which existed in its path.

Even Fuyutsuki, who thought he knew what to expect, felt his chest tighten with dread.

Everyone in the room stood still, silent, eyes wide open. Time seemed to stop, as more and more of the Earth below was incinerated by the tidal wave of light and fire. The image was filled with the grotesque light, so vast that it disappeared into the horizon and set the sky ablaze as if it were a vision of hell itself.

Aoba, by his console, was the first to react. He said something, but no one else understood because no one was paying attention. Fuyutsuki guessed it was either a curse or a prayer. He decided on the later, for he too was willing to start asking for God's forgiveness.

"Well...." he said softly, trying hard not to let his fear show in his words. He barely succeeded at that. "It has finally happened. They seem to have activated Unit A after all."

"Oh, God..." came Haruna's shocked whisper as the image zoomed out of the picture so that the entire globe would appear on camera.

Aoba slowly removed his headset and shot a strange glance at Fuyutsuki, as if for reassurance to what his eyes were witnessing, but just one look at the Sub-Commander's grim face was enough to convince him this was for real.

The white haired Sub-Commander simply stared at the screen. Then he glanced at Hyuga, who was still very shocked.

"I think we'd better start praying for a miracle, sir," the young operator said, shaking his head.

Fuyutzuki cocked his head, as if snapping from a trance. He locked eyes with the operator, eyes that said a lot. "Pray to whom, Lieutenant?"

* * *

Far below the watchful eye of UNS CommSat 46 the city of Beijing, China, was no longer a city. It was a hellish cauldron of noise and fire, of light and death. The wave of light expanded and blasted everything in its path. The earth shook, the sky darkened and then became alive with fire. It seemed the world had come to an end.

In the center of this hell, hovering over the ruins of NERV's Sixth Branch HQ, a ghostly shape straightened itself out of the ashes of the devastated city, a creature so powerful that the whole world lay incinerated at its feet. The creature roared among the flames, its eyes alight with the fire of its own power. Its wings stretched out towards the heavens, its arms spread apart as if offering itself in sacrifice to an obscure creator.

The abominable Angel, although trapped in an Eva's body, bellowed angrily to proclaim its birth; and the entire world trembled.

* * *

"I see," Commander Ikari said as he hung up the personal phone located on his desk. He turned to face the blond doctor standing behind him. His grim expression—more grim than usual—precluded the need for any words.

"So I take it they did it, then?" Ritsuko Akagi asked. It was a rhetorical question, obviously, but she could not refrain from making it.

"Yes." Ikari replied unemotionally.

"Did we make a mistake?"

"I can't answer that. We'll know soon enough."

* * *

To be continued...


	5. Advent

Evangelion Genocide  
  
By: Rommel  
  
  
  
  
  
"As of 03:49 hours the target, which the UN has unofficially deemed the 18th Angel, even thought MAGI can't get a lock on the energy patter, began moving from it's original position over NERV's Sixth Branch. Our current data predicts that the target will reach Tokyo-3 in 14 hours." Misato Katsuragi felt as if on display as she stood at attention before Commander Gendo Ikari and Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki. She was decidedly uncomfortable, but fought to prevent both her superiors from noticing this. "Furthermore, the UN has already asked NERV to live up to its agreement, namely: A-11, and engage the target."  
  
"How quick do the sheep come running back to their guardians, no Fuyutsuki?" Gendo Ikari said from behind his hands, laced together in front of his face, and thick glasses.  
  
"Indeed." The Sub-Commander said, as he turned to Misato. "Has the UN authorized NERV's freedom of action?"  
  
"Yes." Misato said. "NERV has been told to use any and all measures to stop the target. This includes the UN Army and all other equipment that might be required."  
  
"Very well." Gendo Ikari began. "Major Katsuragi, what is NERV's current defense capability?" Gendo Ikari asked, but Misato knew that he already had the answer.  
  
"Not very good, sir." Misato began, swallowing hard. She would have given the world for a beer right now. "As you know, Tokyo-3's explosion and the third lake Ashino have eliminated many of our deployment routes. This has greatly hampered our ability to deploy the Eva effectively. We can, however, place the Evas on strategic locations in advanced and intercept the target to our discretion."  
  
"As always it is to our advantage that the Angel has decided to come looking for us." Commander Ikari said. "The timing is of it's choosing, the place is of ours. That is perhaps the only advantage we truly have."  
  
"And it is one I intent to fully use, sir." Misato said.  
  
"Do you have a plan already, Major Katsuragi?" Fuyutsuki asked with mocked surprise.  
  
"That is what I get paid for, sir." Misato could not believe she was playing the faithful lackey. It was if she were watching herself from another plane of reality, standing here, acting like a dog awaiting its master's orders. Misato recoiled in disgust as that thought hit her. Why couldn't she break free of Ikari's chain?  
  
"Then out with it, Major Katsuragi, we do not have all day." Commander Ikari said.  
  
"I plan to have the UN Army stretched out across the Southwest to intercept the target as soon as it reaches Japanese air space. That will give us a chance to analyze the strength of its AT Field, probe for weaknesses and keep the UN busy and out of our way. This will be only token resistance, of course. I don't expect any damage to be done to the target, but it'll be good for the UN's prestige. As for the actual interception, Unit 00, for my view the only truly combat ready Evangelion we have, will take position 5 miles southwest and engage the target. I have decided to borrow one of the new high-density plasma rifles the SSDF has been developing, which I will requisition myself."  
  
"So you plan to use an experimental weapon on this critical situation?" Fuyutsuki asked.  
  
"The SSDF has assured me that their rifle can penetrate even the strongest of AT Fields, at least the strongest of what we have encountered so far. This is the only alternative to using the positron rifle again."  
  
"Why are you only proposing to use long-range weapons, Major Katsuragi?" Commander Ikari inquired. "Do you not remember that the Evangelion is a weapon of close-combat?"  
  
"Yes I do, sir, but I believe that we must avoid any close-quarters combat. Unit 00 has not gone through the weapons test yet. We don't know how it will handle…" Misato began but was cut short by Ikari.  
  
"I will permit you to requisition any type of weaponry that you believe will assure us the success of this operation, but Unit 00 and it's pilot must be prepared for hand-to-hand combat."  
  
"I understand, sir." Misato said.  
  
"Good, now what contingency measures have you planned?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked, clasping his hands behind his back.  
  
"Unit 01 will be placed on stand-by, just in case Unit 00 is knocked out of combat. Unit 02 will also be on stand-by, but with its decimated capabilities it won't be of much help. If it comes down to using Unit 02, we'll be as good as dead. Unit 01 is, however, more than capable of holding it's own, but with the S2 organ untested, we cannot trust that it will perform well in hand-to-hand combat and if it goes berserk it might pose a greater threat than this new Angel." Misato said. The sole thought of putting Shinji in harm's way made her want to vomit, but what else could she do? The answer came to her from the deepest corners of her psyche: pray that Rei can destroy the Angel.  
  
"This is all very well, Major Katsuragi. I see no reason to oppose you, but I strongly caution you against failure." Gendo Ikari said. His voice unemotional, as always, but it carried a hidden implication that Misato caught at once: failure equals death.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"The weak and the blotched shall perish, first principle of our charity."  
  
-Frederick Nietzsche.  
  
  
  
Genocide 0:5  
  
Advent  
  
  
  
X  
  
"Hikari Hokari?" The Section 2 agent asked as soon as Hikari opened the door.  
  
"Y-yes." Hikari hesitated to reply.  
  
The agent reached into his dark suit and produced an ID badge.  
  
"NERV's Section 2." He said, flashing the ID. "We are here to take the Second Child into custody."  
  
"Custody?" Hikari said. She was uncertain of what to think. A million things went through her mind.  
  
"There has been an incident and Ms. Langley Soryu's presence is requested." The agent said. That was as good an explanation as he was going to give.  
  
"I-I think it's...all right, then." Hikari said, finally. She was absolutely stunned by this and had no idea what she should do. These men worked for NERV, she had to do as they said. "I'll get her for you."  
  
"No." The agent said. "I will get her myself, just show me the way."  
  
Hikari nodded hesitantly.  
  
She stepped aside and let the agent into the house. Outside, the agent's partner waited patiently, leaning against the black Toyota sedan. The first agent emerged almost a whole minute later, escorting a redhead girl dressed in casual clothes: a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. The second agent narrowed his eyes. He had never seen or met any of the 'Children', but this girl looked like anything but one of the defenders of humanity. Her eyes were dull, and she moved slowly, almost as if sleepwalking.  
  
"Let's go." The first agent said, opening one of the back doors and holding it for Asuka. The German girl climbed silently into the car. Asuka normally would have hated being treated like this, for she could make it to Central Dogma on her own, but now, it didn't seem to matter.  
  
The second agent got behind the wheel as his partner locked the back door and started the engine.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
It was his cell phone, which brought Shinji Ikari out of the sweet comforting notes of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and back to the nightmare that was his life. He wanted to allow the built-in answering machine to get it, but then remembered that he had never actually activated it. He stood up and pulling the plugs of his S-dat out of his ears and began digging among his school bag, the place where he usually kept his phone. It only took him a couple of seconds to locate the small device.  
  
"Shinji-kun…"  
  
He immediately recognized Misato's voice, even thought it was nothing more than a whisper.  
  
"Misato-san?" Shinji said. He could sense the tension in Misato's voice. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Where are you?" Misato asked. She sounded worried.  
  
"Home." Shinji answered.  
  
"Good. I'll send a car over to pick you up." Misato said.  
  
"Misato-san…" Shinji hesitated. "What's going on?"  
  
"Problems." Misato said. "I can't say more right now, but I'll fill you in when you get here."  
  
"Where…what?" Shinji said, shaking his head in frustration and confusion. "What is going on?"  
  
"Please, I'll tell you later. I have to go. Be safe." Misato said and hung up the phone.  
  
Shinji stood there, holding the phone for a few seconds as if expecting a voice to materialize from the dead speaker.  
  
"Misato-san…"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"It's fine if she wants to use Rei." Ritsuko Akagi said, turning towards the Commander. "I have taken certain precautions."  
  
"I am concerned for the security of Lilith's soul, not Rei." Ikari replied.  
  
"I have taken measures to safeguard that to." Ritsuko said, shoving her hands in her lab coat. "In case anything happens, the plug has been fitted with a system which will ensure that the soul will not be lost."  
  
"Good." Ikari replied.  
  
"As you know, Unit 00's core has an imprint of a soul, but since two souls can not take the same receptacle, I have arranged for a system to up-load the most current 'version' of the soul and terminate the old one." Ritsuko said. "If something happens to Rei, the soul will be captured by this system and preserved inside the core. This will prevent complications in the future."  
  
"However, this soul will not be the pure incarnation of Lilith. That might prove troublesome." Ikari said.  
  
"With the amount of human contact Rei's had, there is no such thing as a pure soul anymore." Ritsuko pointed out. "And since we can only transfer a soul, but not re-create or copy it, we have no other recourse."  
  
Ikari nodded.  
  
"Very well."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"The Department of Technical Development is already packing everything. Mobilization should begin within the next half hour; even before the SSDF gives the required clearance. The orders came directly from the UN. All formal channels have been ignored." The DTD officer said. His voice gave way the distress he felt. "The Ministry has not yet said anything about this, but the UN has higher authority in these matters. We can only do what is asked of us."  
  
"Yes, of course." Junichi Nakayima said. "The Ministry will release a statement in a few hours. Nothing out of the ordinary."  
  
"Is the Ministry aware of how much money this will cost us?" The DTD officer said. "Not just my Department, but the whole nation of Japan."  
  
"I don't think that the UN is concerned about the money anymore." Nakayima said. "What is your time table?"  
  
"Like I said, mobilization will begin in 30 minutes, after that it'll take us about three hours to get all the parts to the requested location and another hour to assemble the rifle. This is providing that we get all the things we have requested from the UN and the SSDF."  
  
"That shouldn't be a problem. The UN has basically given NERV a blank check to get all the materials it needs for the task at hand. A huge chunk of that will go to what you need, regardless of what the SSDF thinks." Nakayima pointed out. "The only thing you should worry about is doing your job as fast as you can."  
  
"We are working on it." The officer said. "Do you know if NERV plans to have an Evangelion out here so we can test the rifle?"  
  
"I don't know. Major Katsuragi and her people certainly have theirs hands full. Do you recommend a test?"  
  
"Considering that this plasma rifle is an experimental weapon, and that we have no clue as to how it will perform in the stress of combat, I do recommend a test, even if it's only to make sure all the pieces are in place correctly."  
  
"I'll tell that to Katsuragi as soon as I see her." Nakayima said. "Does your Department need anything else?"  
  
"Yes, we need someone from the Government to sign the rifle over to NERV." The officer said. "This whole situation has been one big mess. All our operation protocols have been tossed out of the window. The UN can say all they want, but I can not submit my Department and it's resources to NERV unless someone signs the transfer."  
  
"I'll take care of that." Nakayima said, and with that turned off the video- phone. He was left alone in the darkened room. He shook his head and his thoughts spiraled around an inescapable fact: the Ministry and SEELE would certainly know that he failed to tell them about Ikari's plan on purpose. He knew at that moment that he would not have much more time to live. So be it, he thought. Death comes to all.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Yeah, but they have been screwing up since day one." The agent behind the wheel said. "I keep telling you: they need a better coach."  
  
"They need a better team, period." The agent on the passenger's seat said.  
  
Asuka sat on the back seat, staring at the passing scenery and wishing that the pair would just shut up. She felt like kicking the front seats, like a child throwing a temper tantrum, and tell them to stuff it, but instead decided to just ignore them and focus on her more immediate problems.  
  
Why have they summoned me? Asuka wondered. It's not like they need me.  
  
The redhead could not figure it out, and it bothered her. Eventually the thought that they were only doing this to humiliate her, surfaced. She could not pilot, her synch-ration was not high enough to make the Eva move, let alone enter combat. It was as if they only wanted her to sit on her Unit 02 and watch as her worthlessness was confirmed by Shinji and Rei fighting the Angel, something she had once been the best at. But not anymore, she was garbage, and no one needed her, not NERV, and certainly not that stupid Shinji.  
  
Why am I doing this?  
  
Asuka sighed, leaned back on her seat and stared at the ceiling. She had no use anymore, she had no value, no sense of worth and no reason to live. She wanted to run away, just like she had done in the past. She wanted to hide in a corner and wait for the end, knowing that no one would miss her, or shed tears for her.  
  
The redhead remembered the first time she ran away, back when her synch ratio had dropped to zero. She remembered wandering around the ruins of the city like a ghost, and giving up on life. Back then, she had spent almost a week without sleeping, or eating, or bathing. She had been dirty, cold and starving, but she hadn't care and had wanted nothing more than to lay down and vanish from the face of the Earth. Yet, every time the thought of ending her suffering had occurred to her, something deep inside had screamed. Was she so worthless that even death was too good her?  
  
So, she had climbed into the bathtub and waited.  
  
Asuka shivered as that thought hit her. She didn't want to see herself that way. She wanted to push the images aside, she didn't want to be by herself, but at the same time wanted to be left alone.  
  
She closed her eyes.  
  
'I hate you!'  
  
'I hate you!'  
  
'Hate...!'  
  
Why can't everybody else just go to hell and leave me alone.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"This situation has created a vortex of unwanted activity." SEELE 01 said. "Needless to say, the actions of Gendo Ikari are to blame for this."  
  
"We shouldn't have allowed him such leeway. The fact is that a wild beast is the most dangerous when trapped." SEELE 02 said. "And Gendo Ikari is no less of a beast than most maniacs is history."  
  
"The situation, though troublesome, is not motive for panic." SEELE 10 said. "The UN must certainly be aware of that."  
  
"Ikari must have known that this would happen." SEELE 12 said. "He did order the Chinese experiments and they obeyed blindly despite the UN's objections."  
  
"The Chinese have gotten their due for helping Ikari." SEELE 01 pointed out. "We can only hope that this will deter other 'rogue' governments from doing the same thing. We can now move in and fill the void."  
  
"What is of our concern is the fact that the UN was told that there were no more Angels in an effort to destroy NERV's bargaining power." SEELE 03 said. "This will harm our credibility."  
  
"Which is what Ikari must have intended." SEELE 07 said.  
  
"Indeed." SEELE 02 began. "We are aware of his intentions, and he knows that we will not allow him to continue his plan."  
  
"He has sought to unsettle us in the past, by loosing the Spear, but we devised a second scenario." SEELE 09 said. "He must also know this, so he came up with a scenario of his own."  
  
"That is what this is all about." SEELE 05 said. "He is challenging us."  
  
"But to every action there is a re-action." SEELE 09 said. "And now he must deal with this so-called 'Angel'."  
  
"Man is not meant to create Angels, just as he's not meant to create gods." SEELE 01 added. "To do so is to defy God's power."  
  
"This Angel was created by the foolishness of Man." SEELE 05 said. "But it is a beast of destruction and does not follow the rules of Man, not even those of the Most High."  
  
"We know what it is." SEELE 03 said. "It's a spawn, the first of those which will be brought forth by the Tablet's power. But it seeks not just destruction."  
  
"It seeks understanding." SEELE 02 said. "And when it understands Mankind, it will seek the total annihilation of its humanity, much like the previous Angels, and will find the being guilty for the wretchedness of the Human race: Lilith, not Adam. Once Lilith is brought to the divine justice…"  
  
"The world will end." SEELE 01 said.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
The look of utter disbelieve in Shinji's eyes was, for Misato Katsuragi, a validation of how deeply disturbed he was by the whole situation. She gazed at the two pilots that stood before her, side by side. Shinji was still shaking his head and struggled to convince himself that this was a bad dream. Rei, on the other hand, appeared calm, as usual. Her surreal red eyes did not betray a single hint of emotion.  
  
The three of them were on the main briefing room, inside Central Dogma. They were alone, as per Misato's order. She thought it would be best to tell them about the current situation in person. Misato did not even try to hide the details, like she always did, but was blunt and forthcoming, instead.  
  
"…So that's the way things are." Misato finished. "The UN ignores the full scope of what happened in China, but the estimates have exceeded the ¾ million deaths."  
  
"A whole city?" Shinji said, shaking his head. "Just how are we supposed to stop something like that?"  
  
"By stepping in its way and trying to kill it before it kills us." Misato said, and then turned to the blue-haired girl. "Rei?"  
  
"Yes." Rei said. Misato could not detect even the slightest trace of fear or tension in her voice.  
  
"You will take Unit 00 and intercept the target on an area southwest of the city. We have arranged the requisitioning of a new kind of weapon that should make it possible to penetrate the Angel's AT Field from a safe distance. The SSDF is transporting it as we speak. I know you haven't done the weapon's test yet, but that's why we'll be using long-range engagement rules. Using this plasma rifle should be no different than firing the positron rifle. Dr. Ibuki will give you more information on the site. Try to destroy the target as fast you can, that way we'll prevent complications."  
  
"I understand." Rei said. "I am to board the Eva on Central Dogma and take it to its position…"  
  
"No. Unit 00 is already on its way to the engagement zone. You will have to go by helicopter." Misato said.  
  
"When do I go?" Rei asked  
  
"In about an hour. Hopefully, everything will be set up by that time. I'm trying to get all the pieces together on the site as soon as possible so you can take the rifle for a test-drive."  
  
"Test drive?" Rei said, confused at Misato's choice of words.  
  
"Practice." Misato. "I want you to get some practice with the rifle."  
  
Rei nodded.  
  
"Misato-san?" Shinji's voice quivered as he spoke.  
  
"Shinji-kun?" Misato knew what was coming.  
  
"What about Unit 01?"  
  
"I do not intend to use it for combat, but I will require you be on stand- by in case…" Misato began, but stopped herself just in time.  
  
"In case Rei gets killed, right?" Shinji said. Anger began to flare in his words.  
  
"I don't intend for anyone to get killed." Misato replied. "But I must prepare for the worst."  
  
"No. You can't do this. You can't send her out there. She'll get hurt."  
  
"I have to go." Rei said, her voice was barely a whisper.  
  
"You can't let her do this!!! Not with an Angel, it's too dangerous. You can't let her do this!!! I WONT LET YOU DO IT!!!" The boy turned, enraged, to Misato.  
  
Misato changed her expression into a blank. She knew exactly what Shinji was feeling. But what could she say?  
  
"Misato-san…please, don't let her fight. She'll get hurt." Shinji pleaded.  
  
Misato looked over at Rei, as if for support on her decision, the girl just stared back at her, silent. The situation was beyond the simple fact of engaging an enemy; it had turned disturbingly personal.  
  
"Sorry, but she must fight under the existing condition. There is no other way." Misato said, but really didn't meant that  
  
"Yes, there is another option. I will fight!!!" Shinji said, barely keeping his anger in check.  
  
"Please don't make this harder than it already is." Misato said, struggling to keep her voice even. She locked her eyes with the boy's and in the second their gazes met, Shinji understood the reason why she was so resilient to let him ride Unit 01 into combat.  
  
"You are protecting me aren't you?"  
  
Misato did not reply.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"So then, what do you think of the way things are going?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said, as he poured himself another cup of tea.  
  
"I think it's going as good as can be expected. Of course, Katsuragi's half- baked plan leaves a lot of room for screw-ups, but then again, she is good with that kind of plans." Gendo Ikari said as he took a sip of his tea. "This is why we have kept her with us this long. She is a very useful asset."  
  
"But expendable?"  
  
"Everybody is expendable, Fuyutsuki." Ikari said. "Katsuragi has experience with these types of operations, that is what has kept her on my good side, despite everything."  
  
"So you plan to do nothing about her snooping around?" Fuyutsuki asked.  
  
"What for? I have enough things to worry about already. If Major Katsuragi wants the truth, she's going to keep looking for it until she finds something that will…shall I say, discourage her."  
  
"Like the truth itself?"  
  
"Ignorance is bliss, Fuyutsuki, but only when you realize that the truth is uglier than you expected."  
  
"You know I don't believe in an absolute truth, so whether the truth is ugly or not, depends on the person seeking it. This is a relativistic world we live in."  
  
"Relative only because Man is an individual. If Man were a single being, as proposed by SEELE, there would be one absolute truth. Then tell me, Fuyutsuki, what would the point of existence be? If we shared the same truth, the reality of our humanity would be inexistent, because we can only be human for as long as we cling to our individuality. God created Man to think for himself, but at the same time God wanted Man to think like Himself, thus creating a paradox. The truth itself is a paradox."  
  
"Eloquent, as usual." Fuyutsuki said. "You should have written a philosophy book."  
  
"What for?" Ikari said. "There are too many people out there writing trash and besides, could you picture me doing anything, but what I'm doing now?"  
  
"Honestly, I couldn't. But you must admit that fate takes the most interesting turns. Did you ever imagine, before you met Yui, that you would end up here?"  
  
"Before Yui?" Ikari said. He almost smiled at the thought of his wife. "No. How could I? She got me into this."  
  
"And you, as I recall, got me into this." Fuyutsuki said.  
  
"You got yourself into this, Sensei. But I presume you don't regret it, do you?"  
  
"No. Every man has a task, you have yours, and this is mine."  
  
"You are right, every man has a task." Ikari began. "Which reminds me, have you done what I requested?"  
  
"Well yes. I met with Nakayima, already. He made it quite clear that the Ministry has no intention of stepping in our way. Even if they did, the UN is so desperate that they would backhand the suits at the MOI if they so much as look our way in a manner that displeases them. The power-hungry bastards at the Ministry must be very upset with this. That, and the fact that Nakayima kept his mouth shut must be driving them crazy."  
  
"He intrigues me. The agent, I mean." Ikari began. "If he was put here as a spy, why would he not inform the Ministry about our agenda?"  
  
"Perhaps he has other motives." Fuyutsuki said.  
  
"Or perhaps he is just afraid of the truth. It killed his father, after all." Ikari said. "I will have to talk to him soon about those things."  
  
"Have you decided to get rid of him?" Fuyutsuki enquired.  
  
"Maybe I have." Ikari said. "But like I said: I'll talk to him first."  
  
"About what?" Fuyutsuki asked. He was only mildly interested in the answer.  
  
"The truth."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Junichi Nakayima waited for the dark Subaru to stop completely before approaching it. He knew Kluge was mad, and he was about to find out just how mad, but Nakayima had to be honest with himself: he didn't care. Whatever happened now, he had screwed them. Musashi Kluge got out of the car, followed by a bodyguard and walked up to the agent.  
  
"Chief Kluge this is..." That was as far as Nakayima got before Kluge smashed his fist on his face and drove him to the ground with a knee to his midsection.  
  
Nakayima was in serious pain, as the Department Chief grabbed his collar and pushed his head against the pavement. He reached up with hand and tried to get the man off of him, but Kluge held him with a strength that seemed supernatural.  
  
"If there is something I hate..." Kluge began, as he took Nakajima's H&K 9mm. and pressed the barrel against the agent's head. "...Is people who don't know when to open their mouths."  
  
Kluge released the safety and pulled back the gun's hammer.  
  
"You know what else I hate?" He asked, as he tightened his grip on the agent's collar. "People who think I have a desk job because I'm an old man."  
  
Nakayima said nothing. He just stared back at the Department Chief. He knew that even if he pushed the older man away from him and tried to take gun, the bodyguards would have him killed before he could take a step.  
  
"I really wish I could put a bullet through your head." Kluge began, frowning in annoyance. "But I don't have a replacement for you and your position is rather necessary."  
  
"I'm...flattered." Nakayima groaned.  
  
"I bet you didn't even thought I knew how to use a gun." The old man moved the gun away from the agent's head and pressed it against his shoulder.  
  
Nakayima's eyes shot wide open.  
  
"Screw you..."  
  
"I'm disappointed, Nakayima." Kluge said. "And I don't like that. They are going to make me do a statement, you know. All the people from the Japanese Government will be there, hell if there were an Emperor, he'd be there. You know how much I hate public attention, don't you?"  
  
"Screw you..."  
  
"And do you know how much I hate people like you?" Kluge said and pulled the trigger.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
A third-stringer, Asuka told herself. That's all you are.  
  
Asuka sat, clad in her plug suit, on the locker room floor, she was alone, knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, head bowed down between her knees. She definitely did not felt like been here. This whole thing was nothing but a confirmation of her worthless life. She was not even considered a useful back up anymore, but had to settle for the third- string position behind Shinji. This humiliated her. She would rather go out to fight, and get killed than sit in her Eva and do nothing but feel helpless. Asuka did not even noticed when Rei Ayanami entered the room and began to change into her plug-suit.  
  
The redhead slowly raised her head and looked towards Rei with half-closed blue eyes fixed on no particular point in the empty space. Asuka noticed that, even thought Rei's pale face reflected a sense of calmness, her eyes revealed something else. Asuka could not understand what it was.  
  
Rei striped out of her school uniform with slow, graceful motions. To Asuka, she resembled a prisoner who tried to postpone an execution by walking slowly. It was Rei's atmosphere of serene calm that made Asuka wonder if the blue-haired girl had any idea of what was about to happen. She must know that she may not be coming back, Asuka thought. And yet, it doesn't seem to bother her.  
  
"What?" Rei said, as she opened her locker and pulled out her white plug- suit. Her voice, thought it was just a whisper, broke through Asuka's thoughts like a hammer.  
  
"Nothing." Asuka said, shaking her head. She suddenly felt angry, but tried not to bark at Rei.  
  
"You wouldn't be interested in looking at me if you didn't have anything to say." Rei said, as she began to slip into her suit.  
  
"I do have things to say to you, Wonder Girl, but I won't. You are just a doll that wouldn't understand." Asuka said. She looked away from Rei and concentrated on staring at the floor.  
  
"Why do you say that?" Rei zipped up the front of the suit and pressed the button on her wrist to vent the air out and make the suit as tight as a second skin. Not once did Rei turned to look at Asuka.  
  
"Because you ARE a doll, the Commander's doll. You do whatever he tells you to do." Asuka said. "You are his puppet."  
  
"What am I supposed to do, then, if not what I'm told?" Rei said as she set her clothes on the locker and closed it.  
  
"Have a mind of your own." Asuka said. "Think by yourself."  
  
"Is that why you hate me?" Rei finally turned to face Asuka. Their eyes met.  
  
"I hate you for many reasons."  
  
"But I don't hate you." Rei said. "I can't hate you."  
  
"Baka. Do you think that makes you better than me, Wonder Girl?" Asuka snapped back. "You are just a doll. Do you think I care if you hate me or not?"  
  
"No." Rei replied. With that she turned around and was about to leave when Asuka called to her.  
  
"Wonder Girl?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You know what may happen out there, right?"  
  
Rei faced Asuka and allowed her red eyes to meet with the German girl's blue ones. Asuka gazed back at her with a certain primordial emptiness in her eyes.  
  
"I don't care if I die." Rei said softly. She took her eyes away from Asuka and stared at the empty space. She felt something deep within the confines of her soul, something she had never felt before. Rei could not recognize the emotion, but it was like an acid eating away at her heart.  
  
'You would die if he asked you too!'  
  
"Even if I die, he can find a way to replace me."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"They were behind schedule, but now everything seems to be in order." Dr. Maya Ibuki finished her report. "I can not predict how well this type of weaponry will perform, but all the operational safety parameters have been met."  
  
"Good, Maya." Misato said. "Is Rei there, yet?"  
  
"Section 2 dropped her off. I'll give her a quick dossier of what the plans are. I'll also try to get her to take some shots with the rifle, with the blanks, of course."  
  
Major Misato Katsuragi studied the tense faces of everyone in the control room and decided that, even thought she was not the only one affected by the stress of recent events, the was the one who carried on her shoulders the weight of a personal investment on the up-coming operation. Shinji and Asuka must be on their way to their Evas by now, Misato thought. She hoped that it would not come down to putting them on the line of battle.  
  
"Anything else, Maya?"  
  
"Not at the moment." Maya replied.  
  
"Well, good luck and tell Rei I said hi."  
  
"Will do, Major." Maya said, and severed the connection.  
  
Misato slumped down on the nearest chair and slowly rubbed her forearm against her eyes. She felt exhausted. After nearly ten hours of continuous tension, the pressure had gotten to her. It was not physical pressure, thought, it was mental.  
  
"Major Katsuragi?"  
  
"What is it, Hyouga?"  
  
"The UN Army has reported that they have taken their positions, as requested by NERV. They would like us to submit a set of orders for them to follow." The operator said. "UN Command has told its commanding officers to take orders from NERV. I have a full set of operational orders for them, which have been approved by the Commander, but you are the tactical officer…"  
  
"Then I approve." Misato said.  
  
"But I haven't told you what they are?"  
  
"I don't care. It's not as if the UN will have a vital role in this, anyway." Misato said.  
  
"I understand."  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"All right, people." Misato stood and walked over to the center of the huge Control Room. The entire room became silent as soon as she did this and all the eyes turned to her. "It's about that time, isn't it? Has MAGI been able to get a lock on the Angel's energy pattern?"  
  
"No" Answered Haruna. "The patters have been continually changing from orange to blue, from blue to orange and so on. MAGI has decided to deem the target as: unidentifiable."  
  
"That is just great." Misato replied. "What's the ETA?"  
  
"Two hours." Aoba said, as he stood from his console. "The target will be entering Japanese air space within the next twenty minutes. It's slowed down considerably."  
  
"Do we have an image?"  
  
"Yes." Hyouga pressed a button on a nearby console and the huge screen in front of the room changed from the topographical map of Tokyo-3 to Angel's image.  
  
Misato recoiled in disgust as soon as her brain was able to process the image. The Angel, or rather the Eva, which the Angel had possessed, looked like a thing out of a surrealist nightmare. Misato had never seen something like it. The thing was white, and it's head resembled that of the mass production models, but unlike the mass produced Evas, this thing had dark red eyes set on each side of the head, like a malignant predator. For something that big, its flight was incredible graceful. Its wings were massive and it reminded Misato of an overgrown bird. Around it she could see a small fleet of aircraft: fighters, mostly.  
  
"Why are they escorting it?" Misato asked. She was rather intrigued by this. "Have they finally decided to switch sides?"  
  
"No. Things are not that bad…yet." Hyouga said. "At 11:23 the UN began a full scale missile assault on the target. Here's the image…"  
  
A small square appeared on the lower left corner of the Angel's image. On the bottom the square read:  
  
UNS H. M. JACKSON (SSBN 730)  
  
At first nothing could be seen, but then, a mountain of white foam emerging from the sea broke the apparent tranquility.  
  
The missile appeared suspended for a few seconds before its liquid fuel booster ignited and the steel casing, which protected it from the salt water, was ejected. The bright flame of light ascended into the sky and was soon followed nearly half a dozen others.  
  
"What are those?" asked Misato. "Tomahawks?"  
  
"Harpoons, loaded with N2 warheads. " answered Hyouga.  
  
"Any luck?"  
  
The next image on the small square showed each and every one of the missiles smashing against the Angel's AT Field.  
  
"All direct hits." Hyouga said. "No visible damage to the target. After that, the Angel got into Russian air space. The Russians, fearing that the UN might try a nuclear assault on the Angel, issued an ultimatum warning the UN not to fire anything into Russian space and set up an escort with fighters out of Vladivostok. The escorts have been instructed to pull out as soon as the Angel leaves Russian space, in about three minutes."  
  
"I see, then. Looks like, even now, old rivalries flare." Misato said, folding her arms. "What's going on in China?"  
  
The image on the screen changed to the map of Japan, surrounded by the Pacific Ocean and the land masses of the Russian Far East, the Eastern Chinese seaboard and Korea. A triangle marked the Angel's position on the map.  
  
"The UN has diverted most of its land forces in the region to assist China. The Russians have done so, as well, however the Red Army is reluctant to cross the border. They are simply taking care of some refugees and sending supplies. Because of the magnitude of the catastrophe, NERV can no longer rely on its China Branch, nor can we depend on the Chinese government. No word yet as too what the total number of losses is, but the UN and the Chinese government are being conservative on the estimates. Rescue and recovery efforts have begun already. Every self-respecting government in the world is sending aide."  
  
"It's too bad that there is nothing we can do for the Chinese." Misato said. "We have enough things to worry about already."  
  
"Speaking of which…" Aoba began. "…The Civilian authorities want to know what we plan to do about the innocent people in the city."  
  
Misato mussed that one over for a few seconds before answering.  
  
"We'll give a general alarm. The people in this city should already know the drill. I am concerned about all the evacuation and shelter routes damaged by the Tokyo-3 explosion. It is my understanding that the Government is planning to begin evacuating the whole area surrounding the city, but have lost so much time on the arrangements that the only place the people will be able to go is our underground shelters and, with all the budget cuts, we haven't been keeping those in good condition."  
  
"Major Katsuragi?"  
  
Misato immediately recognized the voice of Ritsuko Akagi. The dark-haired Major turned to face the doctor.  
  
"What now, Ritsuko?" Misato said narrowing her eyes. "More problems?"  
  
"Not really." The doctor replied. "I've only come to let you know that both Shinji and Asuka are en-route to their Evas and that both Unit 01 and 02 have been readied."  
  
"That's good to hear. Two less issues to worry about." Misato said. "Shortly, we'll have a great show. Would you care to stay? I could use your help up here."  
  
"How can I refuse such an invitation?"  
  
  
  
X  
  
Shinji Ikari, already wearing his plug-suit, rode the elevator to the main cage, where his Unit 01 awaited. He was quiet and felt uncomfortable, not just because of what was about to happen, but also because of who stood in the small, moving, metal box with him.  
  
Asuka had not said a word since they got in the elevator. She had not done the slightest gesture to acknowledge Shinji's presence, either, and this made the boy feel odd. The redhead, clad in her red plug-suit, had her head bowed and was staring at the floor, as if she were uninterested in looking at anything else. Shinji knew she was depressed, even more than before, and he also knew that it was his fault. The memory of the things he had said to her was eating away at a part of his soul. He couldn't bear it and wanted to apologize, but at the same time he didn't have the courage to tell Asuka that he was sorry.  
  
Asuka would yell at him, Shinji thought. She would insult him and tell him how stupid he was. He wouldn't be able to face the onslaught. He knew that she had every right to be mad, after all he said and they way he it.  
  
'I hate you!'  
  
'I wish you die!'  
  
Shinji wished that he could take it back, that, somehow, he could turn back time and erase those words from his mind. He had made her cry, her: the Second Child. Shinji had never seen this side of her. He always thought of her as being a much stronger person than him, but at that moment he saw a glimpse of her that made him question everything he thought of her.  
  
He had seen her cry before, back when they were training, sleeping and doing everything together in order to beat an Angel, but this was the first time that he was the cause of her tears.  
  
The elevator stopped and the mesh grid, which made up the door, slid open with a loud noise.  
  
Shinji began walking out, but soon noticed that Asuka was not following and turned to set his gaze on the Second Child, who just stood there, oblivious to everything.  
  
"A-Asuka..." Shinji hesitated as he spoke. His voice was barely audible.  
  
The redhead did nothing to acknowledge him.  
  
"Asuka?" Shinji repeated.  
  
"What?" Asuka finally replied, raising her head to look at him. Their gazes met for a second before Shinji looked away. He couldn't bear to see the pain in Asuka's deep blue eyes.  
  
"T-they are waiting for us." Shinji said. His voice began to tremble, but he struggled to keep it as even as possible. "We have to..."  
  
"Do you think I care?" Asuka replied in a soft voice. "They are waiting for the great, invincible Shinji, not for me."  
  
"Asuka..."  
  
"Why should I care?" Asuka yelled. Her voice began to rise. "I won't be fighting. I'm not even a backup. I'm just a piece of trash they put in the Eva because there is nothing else to put in it."  
  
Shinji wanted to say something, but stopped himself. He couldn't comfort her, no matter how much he wanted to. Asuka would just snap at him.  
  
"Leave me alone." The red head said. "I don't want to talk to you."  
  
Shinji sighed heavily and, since he couldn't come up with anything else to say, walked away.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Rei, can you hear me?" Dr. Maya Ibuki's voice broke the grave-like silence that had settled over Unit 00's entry plug for the last half-hour.  
  
"Yes?" Rei acknowledged the doctor's voice. She sat quietly on the plug's command seat, with her knees drawn up to her chest. The silence made her feel comfortable. It was as if the rest of the world no longer existed and she was the creature left. How strange was it?  
  
Rei Ayanami and about two-dozen other NERV personnel had arrived at the engagement zone shortly ahead of NERV's projected schedule only to find out that the SSDF was delayed on theirs. An army of vehicles, trucks and other specialized equipment to assemble the rifle, and to tend to the Evangelion itself, surrounded unit 00. Rei had boarded her Eva without bothering to listen to anything Maya or anyone else was saying, and had stayed there for what seemed like an eternity.  
  
"OK, pay attention. I'll give you a quick briefing on what this new weapon is." Maya pause and, after a few seconds, began speaking as if delivering a lecture to a class. "Plasmas are conductive assemblies of charged particles, neutrals and fields that exhibit collective effects. Further, plasmas carry electrical currents and generate magnetic fields. They are the most common form of matter, comprising more than 99% of the visible universe."  
  
Rei was not even slightly interested in what Maya was saying. She had no use for any type of information on a weapon she was about to use in combat for the first time. All she needed to know was: where to find the trigger and how to aim the rifle.  
  
"Plasmas are radically multiscale in two senses: first, most plasma systems involve electrodynamics coupling across micro-, meso- and macroscale and, second plasma systems occur over most of the physically possible ranges in space, energy and density scales."  
  
The high-density plasma rifle felt heavy in Unit 00's arms. It was not a static weapon like the positron rifle, which was useful only when fired from a fixed position as if it where a sniper rifle.  
  
"In inertial-confinement fusion, laser beams or ion beams energize the inside of a small cylindrical target. X rays then rapidly heat the capsule causing its surface to blow off. The resulting force compresses the plasma fuel, usually hydrogen isotopes, raising temperatures to 100,000,000 degrees C and densities to 20 times greater than lead. This ignites the plasma fuel and produces a fusion energy output many times the laser energy input, thus yielding large energy gain." Maya said. "That is, essentially, how the rifle works. It shoots a super-heated capsule of plasma causing a fusion without any kind of radioactive residue. The technology has existed since before the second impact, but the SSDF and the US Armaments Department have adapted it for use with the Eva. The only thing we've found to be troublesome is the targeting system. Most of the programs that control the rifle's targeting systems have been ditched, and we have hot- wired them to your Eva's own targeting computer."  
  
"Will it work?" Rei said. She sounded rather uninterested.  
  
"In theory: it should, in practice: we don't know." Maya said. "Do you want to go ahead and do some targeting practice?"  
  
Before Rei could reply, another sound caught her attention. The blue-haired pilot immediately recognized it. It was an alarm siren, not just any siren, but Tokyo-3's general alert warning siren. She knew, at that moment, that there would be no more time for anything esle. Rei looked towards the western sky, the direction from which she had been told the Angel was coming, and wondered if she should be scared. Certainly a human being would feel frightened and nervous, but she wasn't. Rei was calm, and she wondered if it was another sign of her lack of humanity.  
  
A memory surfaced in her mind.  
  
'Regardless of that, I made a choice…' Shinji had said. 'It's the first thing I've done for myself.'  
  
"I wish I could choose..."  
  
  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
To be continued… 


	6. Bolero

Evangelion Genocide  
  
By: E. Rommel.  
  
  
  
  
  
Major Misato Katsuragi gazed, with almost childish interest, at the visual feed showing the UN Army tanks and anti-aircraft batteries, along with a wide range of SAM positions and artillery emplacements that sprawled across the south and southwest of Japan's peninsula.  
  
The general alarm had sounded for the Hakone-Nagano area, but not for the entire nation, as Misato had expected. The SSDF was trying to have the critical area of Tokyo-3's fortress evacuated, but Misato doubted it could be done in such little time. However, she had to give credit to the civilian authorities for preventing a panic flight and imposing order.  
  
Misato tried not to concern herself with the civilian matters; she had more pressing issues to worry about at the moment.  
  
The Angel had dropped its altitude, and reduced speed.  
  
Misato stood on the center of the command bridge, as she always did, with her arms crossed over her chest, and tapping her fingers impatiently. The tension was rising in the room, and Misato could clearly sense it.  
  
"The Angel has entered the range of the UN's SAMs along the Nizeka-Gousa line" Hyouga announced, as he turned slightly to face the Major, "They are going to engage."  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"You really should call off this intervention by the UN Army." Ritsuko Akagi, who stood next to Misato, said. "They're only going to be wasting shells and missiles and money."  
  
"Well, at least someone else will be wasting money." Misato replied.  
  
"You know they'll just hand over the bill to us." Ritsuko said.  
  
The first UN units to engage the target were the SAM launchers, followed by a barrage of MRLS fire. The visual image faded and blurred every time one of the missiles took off from its static platform. After a few seconds the first reports began to filter in through NERV's communication channels.  
  
"The UN reports direct hits on the AT Field, but no damage." Haruna said.  
  
"The UN Air Force is engaging." Aoba reported. "We have an airborne visual."  
  
"Put it on the main screen." Misato ordered.  
  
Aoba hit a button on his console and the gigantic screen on the front of the bridge came to life with the Angel's image from one of the UN's gun ships. Even though dozens of missiles crashed against the AT Field, the Angel continued with its steady flight path.  
  
"The Angel has come within artillery range." Hyouga reported, just as the tanks, mostly Type 90s, opened fire along with the artillery pieces.  
  
The sky became littered with hundreds of blasts from the combined might of the UN's Army and Air Force, but the Angel simply ignored everything that went on around it, as if the whole situation had nothing to do with it.  
  
"They sure can put on a show, wouldn't you say, Ritsuko?" Misato remarked, tilting her head towards the doctor.  
  
"A pointless one, Major."  
  
The image from the gunship changed, the camera rotated and the picture showed a pair of bombers. Only a few seconds after the camera placed the bombers in focus, the pair fired their huge payload of six N2 equipped missiles. Each and every one of the missiles smashed into the Angel's AT Field and engulfed a whole chunk of the sky in flames.  
  
"Any damage?" Misato enquired.  
  
"Not that we can tell." Haruna answered.  
  
The camera changed back to the Angel's image, as it flew across the fiery sky undaunted by the UN's assaults. Then, the Angel did something nobody expected, or even thought possible for an object of such mass: it rolled over and began to fly inverted.  
  
Misato narrowed her eyes.  
  
Another barrage of fire from the UN engulfed the sky. The Angel remained unhurt. Just as a third wave of fire closed in on it, the Angel put itself into a steep dive.  
  
"Its altitude is dropping fast." Aoba reported. "It appears that it has decided to land."  
  
"Looks like it's angry." Ritsuko said, sarcastically.  
  
"Wouldn't you be, Ritsuko." Misato said, shaking her head.  
  
The Angel landed on its feet, like a giant bird. The earth cracked and trembled under the impact. As soon as it touched down, a rain of fire, shells, missiles and bombs came crashing down on it, followed soon by N2 bombs. The horizon exploded into a huge dome of light.  
  
"The UN is certainly pulling out all the stops." Misato noted.  
  
Once the dust settled from the multitude of explosions, the Angel stood, with its head bowed and wings spread wide apart, in the middle of a huge crater. Around it, like a swarm of bugs, the UN gunships and other aircraft prepared for another assault.  
  
"Call this off, Major Katsuragi." Ritsuko said. "This is all such a waste."  
  
The image zoomed in on the Angel, as it raised its head. The dark eyes appeared to stare directly at the camera. There was a collective gasp from the people in the control room.  
  
"I have a very high density energy concentration within the target!" Hyouga informed.  
  
The bright flash of light caught everybody by surprise.  
  
The light expanded and everything within the Angel's proximity was incinerated.  
  
"EMP!" Hyouga yelled from his console.  
  
"We lost the feed from the Air Force." Aoba said.  
  
"It destroyed them!" Haruna screamed. "It destroyed them all!"  
  
Misato nodded her acknowledgement.  
  
"The Angel is moving." Hyouga reported. "It's resuming its course."  
  
"All right…" Misato began and, as she did, looked over to the observation deck situated high on the huge cavern that was the bridge, from which the Commander and Sub-Commander gazed interestedly at the events that unfolded. "Upgrade condition to red alert and make the final preparations. Unit 00 will engage the target as planned."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Fancy thinking the beast was something you could hunt and kill..."  
  
-William Golding  
  
  
  
Genocide 0:6  
  
Bolero  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"All safety locks have been removed." The voice announced. "Final lock has been disabled. Accelerator pressure is constant and stable."  
  
"Brain patters are normal."  
  
"Pulse and heart rate are nominal. Synch ratio is holding at 39%"  
  
"LCL pressure is normal."  
  
"Cooling systems are on-line."  
  
Rei pulled gently at the control sticks located on each side of her command seat and caused Unit 00 to respond by bringing up the plasma rifle. She had picked a nice spot located on the southeast part on the area that was indicated as 'engagement zone.' It was a narrow valley that was flanked by mountains on both sides. This was not the original position suggested to her, but Maya's latest report on the Angel's position had allowed her to move in order to find a more suitable shooting spot. The Angel would have to come through here, because it was the shortest way to get where it wanted to get, or so Maya had said.  
  
"All right, Rei." Maya said through the communications channel. "It's all yours. We are evacuating the area."  
  
The radio clacked, and another voice broke through.  
  
"Rei, how are you feeling?" Misato's voice sounded concerned.  
  
"I'm fine." Rei said. She sounded calm.  
  
"Engage your targeting computer." Misato ordered, and Rei did at once. She lowered the visor over her red eyes and activated the computer-guided targeting devise. "This should be the same as firing the positron rifle. Just wait until you get a shooting solution and pull the trigger."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"The target is approaching from the west. It'll be on your sights in under a minute. Good luck."  
  
The first plasma fuel capsule was loaded in the barrel of the rifle with a quick movement of the action, leaving four others behind in the loading chamber. With a gloved finger, Rei gripped the trigger and held on to it loosely. She used a hand to press the butt of the rifle against the Evangelion's shoulder to steady the aim.  
  
Why was she calm? Rei asked herself. She should be scared.  
  
"Here it comes, Rei." Misato's words fell on deaf ears. "Don't shoot until you get a solution."  
  
The Angel came around from the west end of the valley, like Misato had said. The earth trembled with every step it took. Rei dropped the sight on the target's head. The Angel appeared sluggish, Rei thought. Almost as if it were sleep walking. It only took the computer a few seconds to give her a shooting solution.  
  
The Angel stopped and cocked its head as soon as it saw Unit 00.  
  
"You have a shooting solution!" Misato yelled. "Fire!"  
  
Rei squeezed the trigger.  
  
A bright bolt of white light erupted from the rifle's barrel. The rifle recoiled with incredible force and almost made Rei loose her balance, as the bolt of light raced forward at nearly the speed of light. It traveled in an arc and, for a second, Rei thought that she had missed the target, but the bolt smashed squarely into the Angel's AT Field, right in front of its head.  
  
As soon as the bolt of plasma impacted the Angel's AT Field, it lost its integrity and the energy of the hydrogen fuel contained within it exploded in a bright wall of light. There was no sound, as the light seemed to devour the entire horizon. Rei pushed the targeting computer's visor aside and covered her eyes with a forearm to prevent being blinded by the light.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Nice Shot!" Misato said, struggling to keep a smile from her face. "Hyouga, what is the status of the target?"  
  
The operator turned around to face the Major.  
  
"I can't tell. The EMP shockwave from the blast has knocked out most of our local sensors in the Area."  
  
"How long until we get them back?" Misato asked.  
  
"A few seconds." Hyouga replied.  
  
"I have visuals back on-line!" Haruna informed as she pressed a button on her console.  
  
The bright light slowly faded away, and the image was brought into focus. Misato Katsuragi felt a cold hand tighten around her heart as soon as she realized what it was that she was seeing and an unsettling silence came over the bridge as the chaos and euphoria that had followed Rei's shot receded and the horror of what they were all witnessing dawned completely.  
  
The Angel stood there, unharmed, amidst a sea of destruction.  
  
X  
  
  
  
"REI!!!"  
  
Even before Rei could comprehend the full reality of what had just happened, the Angel sprung from its position and raced for her with uncanny speed. Rei reloaded the rifle, but with no time to aim, she simply pointed it and fired. This time, the Angel moved away. It stopped in its tracks and leapt into the sky, as if it were a fleeing bird.  
  
The plasma bolt exploded and once again released an incredible amount of power, but this time it did nothing more than hamper Rei's visibility. The ground shook violently. Rei tried to follow the Angel's trajectory as it spun around in the air like some strange winged demon. But the light, that had engulfed everything else, blinded her.  
  
"Rei, it's behind you!!!" Aoba screamed through the comm. "Look out!!!"  
  
Rei turned around as fast as she could and tried to bring the rifle up, but she never even saw the Angel coming. Something smashed into Unit 00's torso. Rei felt herself flying in the air and then everything rocked. She felt pain on her chest and soon realized that the Angel had driven Unit 00 to the ground. Only then, did Rei see the Angel. It towered over her, pinning her to the ground with its weight and holding Unit 00's head against the ground. She tried to kick it away, but it was too strong. The Angel pounded its fist on Unit 00's head, making it bounce off the ground like a ball, and grabbed the downed Eva by the neck.  
  
Rei felt the bones on her nose and jaw complaining, as the Angel drove Unit 00's head into the ground again.  
  
"Rei, get out of there!!!" Misato screamed. "Put some distance between it and you!"  
  
Rei tried to defend herself, this time by putting the rifle between the Angel and herself. She thought that if she could point it at the Angel, there was no way it could withstand a blast at nearly point-blank range. But the Angel was faster. It smashed its fist into the rifle, destroying it. Rei reached up and grabbed the Angel by the throat. She pushed it away with her arm and tightened her grip on the thing's neck. The pain in her head was unbearable. Rei could feel blood running down her forehead and across her left cheek, like tears, and she thought that she might black out, but somehow managed to make herself aware that she had to fight or die.  
  
Rei felt as if every muscle in her arm was on fire. She held on to the thing's throat, and hoped that, if she could break its neck, she had a chance. Rei clenched her teeth, in an effort to push away her pain and tried to focus all her remaining strength on squeezing the life out of the Angel.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Rei!!!" Misato Katsuragi screamed as the realization of what was happening hit her with full force. Rei was not strong enough or fast enough to defeat the Angel in hand-to-hand combat. This is what she had wanted to avoid by using the plasma rifle. "Get out of there!"  
  
Misato tried to think of some way to help Rei. She thought about having the UN Air Force drop a N2 on the Angel to create a distraction and allow Rei to get away, but she quickly dismissed the idea. Misato knew that no UN weapon could penetrate the AT Field. It was then that the image of Shinji, sitting inside of Unit 01, came to mind.  
  
No, Misato told herself. She couldn't send Shinji out there.  
  
"Should I sortie Unit 01?" Ritsuko Akagi asked, as if reading Misato's thoughts.  
  
Misato turned to face the doctor, but she never got a chance to reply before Commander Gendo Ikari broke in on the argument.  
  
"No. It's too early. We can not risk putting Unit 01 in the line of fire as long as there are other options."  
  
Ikari was calm and unemotional, something that made Misato angry because she then knew that Ikari really didn't care for anyone or anything. It became painfully clear, at least to Misato, that Rei's death would be nothing but an inconvenience to Ikari.  
  
"She needs help, sir!" Misato yelled.  
  
"Unit 01 will not be exposed to this Angel until it's absolutely necessary." Gendo Ikari called from his place on the observation deck.  
  
"But sir, Rei can not take this punishment for much longer!" Misato answered back, as she realized that sending Shinji into combat would be the only way to help Rei. "My God, let me send Unit 01 to help!"  
  
"God has nothing to do with this." Ikari repeated. "You will not deploy Unit 01 until it's absolutely necessary."  
  
It was then that the discussion was abruptly interrupted by Rei's scream.  
  
  
  
X  
  
Wrapping its hand around Unit 00's wrist and placing a knee under Unit 00's chin, the Angel began to pull at the limb trying to strangle it. As the Evangelion's head was forced back, the Angel grabbed its shoulder and wrenched Unit 00's arm back.  
  
Rei felt a tremendous stabbing pain as Unit 00's arm was separated from the shoulder. She instinctively reached for her wounded shoulder. The Evangelion's flesh gave away under the power of the pull and the bone followed.  
  
"Massive damage on 00's right arm." Haruna screamed through the comm.  
  
Rei knew she couldn't defeat the Angel. All she could do was try to get away as the limb was completely severed from Unit 00. Painfully, she gritted her teeth, and took a swing at the Angel's head with her good arm, but the Angel moved away and caught Unit 00's arm by the wrist. Rei thought that the Angel would rip this arm to pieces too.  
  
"Rei, extend your AT Field and get the damned thing off of you." Misato ordered.  
  
The Angel did not pull at Unit 00's arm, like Rei had expected, but pushed it aside and wrapped its hands around Unit 00's neck. Rei tried to use her AT Field to push away the Angel, but the Angel engaged its own field to cancel Rei's. Then the Angel began smashing its head, savagely, against Unit 00's.  
  
The Angel was just playing with her, Rei realized. She was too tired, and hurting so badly, that she couldn't do anything to defend herself anymore.  
  
Rei felt a sharp throbbing pain at her neck, where the Angel's hand was holding Unit 00's throat. She remembered this kind of pain. She remembered feeling it, even thought 'she' had never felt it before. Something inside of her screamed as the pain grew in intensity.  
  
"Buda!!! We have contamination starting on Unit 00's main nervous system!" Hyouga yelled. "The Angel is contaminating Unit 00!"  
  
The pain was like an electric shock as it raced down Rei's spine. Almost unconsciously, Rei arched her back in an effort to simply pull away from the pain and closed her eyes, as if that action alone would somehow help her escape. It was as if her body was burning.  
  
The image came to her like a nightmare or, more accurately, as a reflection of an inexistent reality. Rei could see it clearly with her mind's eye, as if she were witnessing an actual even. She knew that such a thing was not possible, but also knew that if she was seeing it, then the image existed on some level of her reality.  
  
"The contamination has exceeded the parameters for first level contact!"  
  
Rei saw herself standing, naked, over an ocean of LCL that spread as far as the horizon and a bright golden light illuminated everything. This must be her mind, Rei thought. This was her own desolate plane of reality; empty like her own soul.  
  
Then she saw the creature. It too, stood over the ocean of LCL, like a derelict spirit. The thing had human shape, but that was all Rei could see. There were no factions on its face, only a pair of dark red eyes like Rei's.  
  
"Who are you?" Rei asked, not with her lips, but with her mind.  
  
"I am a seeker." The thing said. It also spoke with its mind.  
  
"What do you seek?"  
  
"Understanding." The thing answered.  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Of you, your world, your existence, your pain."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"My pain is not for you to understand." Rei said.  
  
"But I must." The thing said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It is the purpose of my existence." The thing said.  
  
"My pain is not like the pain of others. I do not feel pain in their terms." Rei said.  
  
"You mean humanity's pain is not like yours?" The things asked. It sounded uncertain. "Why?"  
  
"I am not like others. I feel the pain of the body, but not of the soul." Rei answered.  
  
The thing narrowed its eyes and soon the light, which seemed to permeate every corner of the LCL Ocean, was engulfed into darkness. The thing expanded its AT Field and it swallowed everything.  
  
"Who are you?" The thing demanded, angrily.  
  
"I am who I am now, not who I was or who I will be."  
  
Almost instinctively, Rei Ayanami spread her arms like a cross. Strangely an A.T. Field was produced. It illuminated the darkness with a red glow. Before Rei could blink, the A.T. Field changed into the shape of a red cross.  
  
"Who are you?" The thing asked in a tone that could only be described as angry.  
  
Rei screamed as nails were driven through her hands and impaled her to the cross. Her naked body shook and quivered. Her mouth moved, but no sounds came. Agony was obvious in her face. Her red eyes burned with the pain of her body.  
  
"You are not what I seek." The thing said.  
  
Blood flowed. Soon Rei realized it was not really blood: it was LCL.  
  
"Rei, your mind is being contaminated." The girl couldn't recognize the voice. "Rei, can you hear me?"  
  
Rei opened her eyes and the pain came back like tidal wave.  
  
"Shinji-kun?" She whispered to herself.  
  
The thought of committing suicide by self-destructing her Eva crossed her mind, but she could not find the strength to do it. At that moment she realized that she couldn't relinquish her humanity. Human beings choose to live because they cannot give up life, to give up life would be equal to having no humanity at all.  
  
"Rei, we are picking up high density energy concentration levels! Get out of there now!"  
  
"Shinji-kun?" Rei said, shaking her head.  
  
"REI!"  
  
There was a flash of light.  
  
Rei's eyes shot wide open.  
  
The pain stopped, but the albino girl expected it to resume shortly. It never did. There was no more pain, only darkness.  
  
"REI!!!"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Misato Katsuragi could not hide the sense of shock and horror, which gripped her heart, as the column of light rose across the already devastated landscape and consumed everything within its proximity.  
  
"Rei?" Misato asked, almost absent-mindedly. "Rei, can you hear me?"  
  
"Major…?" It was Hyouga who called up to Misato first. "We have lost the connections."  
  
"What about Rei?" Misato asked, almost yelling.  
  
"It's impossible to tell." Haruna replied. "We can't get any readings at all."  
  
"What is Unit 00's status?"  
  
Hyouga turned towards Misato and shook his head.  
  
"We can't get anything on any of the signals."  
  
"The EMP interference is gone." Aoba reported. "Visuals are back up again."  
  
All of the screens on the bridge jumped to life with the ghastly image of the battle zone. The Angel stood in the middle of the crater, wings spread apart and it was still holding Unit 00 in its hands.  
  
"No…!" Haruna whispered and quickly covered her mouth with both hands.  
  
Every single person in the bridge, with the exception of Gendo Ikari, froze in horror.  
  
The Angel was untouched by the force of the blast, but Unit 00 was nothing more than a decimated carcass. The Angle folded its wings and released Unit 00, which simply fell to the ground like a discarded toy.  
  
"Rei…Rei…is she…is she all right?" Shinji's voice broke through the silence. Misato cocked her head, as if snapping from a trance.  
  
"Is he watching this in Unit 01?" Misato screamed, turning towards Aoba. "Damn it, is he watching this?"  
  
"I…think he is." Aoba said, finally.  
  
"Then terminate his video link." Misato ordered.  
  
"Misato, is Rei all right? Misato, answer me. Is she all right?" Shinji said. His voice began to break down.  
  
"Shinji, I…don't know." Misato began, but before she could say anything else, Hyouga broke in.  
  
"The target is on the move again. It is within the Geo-Front's outer grid."  
  
"Tell me, Misato, is Rei all right?" Shinji insisted, as if wanting to convince himself that everything was fine. "Where is she? Can you talk to her? Why did you had to send her?"  
  
"Shinji…I…"  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"Enough of this nonsense, Major Katsuragi." Ikari said, as he stood up from his chair in the observation deck. "Leave the sentimentalities for when this is over. You still have a job to do."  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"We will deploy Unit 01 inside the Geo-Front. There is no point in sending it out there when we know where the Angel's headed." Ikari ordered  
  
"Prepare Unit 01 for sortie through route seventh." Misato said. "I want a full rescue and recovery team out there checking on Unit 00 and Rei ASAP."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Gendo Ikari watched as the dark haired Major turned towards the console operators and began barking orders. He sat down on his chair, behind his big desk, and interlaced his fingers in front of his face.  
  
"The Angel attempted to make contact with Unit 00's pilot." Ikari said, looking over at Fuyutsuki, who stood besides him. "It seems that our theory was right, after all. These creatures do not merely seek the destruction of the human race, but also the understanding as to why Humanity must be annihilated."  
  
"Was that your real reason for not allowing Unit 01 be deployed in order to help Rei?" Fuyutsuki said.  
  
"Yes. I had to be sure if the Angel was going to destroy Unit 00, or try to understand its human pilot." Ikari said. "Rei is not, of course, a fair representative of Humanity. Perhaps this will discourage them from trying to look into the Eva pilot's minds in the future."  
  
"But Rei might have been killed" Fuyutsuki said. "If that happens, everything will be lost."  
  
"Measures were taken to safeguard Lilith's Soul." Ikari replied.  
  
"I see."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Shinji could not hold back the tears. It was not like before, when after Ayanami's death, he had found it impossible to cry. Now it seemed like the most natural thing. He was sitting inside his Unit 01, like he had countless times before and, up until a few minutes ago, had been completely oblivious to the battle raging above. Then the video screen jumped to life and he saw the dreadful image of Unit 00's devastated form.  
  
"Rei…" Shinji smashed his fist against the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be his main console. It was not a gesture of anger, for he did not know what to be angry at, but rather an expression of the inner void he felt.  
  
Shinji realized, sitting here, that he had to fight. There was no other choice open to him. They all had chosen for him and there was nothing he could do.  
  
He felt the Eva begin to move.  
  
"Shinji, we are moving Unit 01 out through the 17th exit. This will place you in front of Central Dogma." Misato said using the communication system.  
  
"Use your AT Field to neutralize the Angel's and engage in hand-to-hand combat. We have adapted a battery pack to your Eva, so that if you lose your power cable the Eva will switch to the battery instead of the S2 engine." Ritsuko spoke, without pausing. "There hasn't been time to perform any test on the engine itself and we believe that if it's activated it will either swallow us into a Dirac Sea, or provide you with unlimited power. As tempting as that may sound, we can't take any chances with this thing. Even if the S2 engine works and gives Unit 01 perpetual power, human beings only have a certain amount of endurance."  
  
"This means that if you loose consciousness, as a result of the fight, the Eva will, most likely, go berserk and we won't be able to do anything to stop it. Be careful, please." Misato said.  
  
"Misato?" Shinji began, wiping the tears with a forearm. "How's Rei?"  
  
"We don't know yet." Misato answered without missing a heartbeat. "I've dispatched an R&R team to check on her. All we can do is hope for the best, Shinji-kun. Rei is a strong girl."  
  
"I know." Shinji said, as if to reassure himself of that fact.  
  
"Be safe, Shinji-kun." Misato said. "If it's worth anything, I apologize for putting you in this position. I am really sorry."  
  
Shinji nodded his acknowledgement of those words and he was fully aware of the fact that it could be last time he heard Misato's voice.  
  
Evangelion Unit 01 emerged through exit 17, located a few hundred yards in front of Central Dogma's pyramidal building, as expected. Shinji quickly scanned his surroundings. The dome of the Geo-Front, like a massive ceiling, provided a strange sense of confinement and security and the forest of green trees, which represented nature's contribution to the concrete and metal fortress and offered a quiet serenity that, in some way, masked the conflicts that had raged within these confines.  
  
A long spear was provided for him and Shinji took it firmly.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Shinji caught a glimpse of light. He turned and gazed up at the Geo-Front's dome. Unit 01's inhuman eyes narrowed, as Shinji understood what was happening. The column of reddish light descended for several seconds and expanded into an inverted cross. Shinji watched as the Angel descended amidst the light, as if it were its master. It had its wings open, arms spread apart and, to Shinji, it appeared like a giant gargoyle.  
  
"Initiate cover barrage."  
  
The barrage of tracer fire poured on the Angel like some malignant rain of lead and steel.  
  
Normally, Shinji would have been reluctant to fight another Eva unit, but Misato had told him that there was no human pilot inside this Unit. It had been running a type of autopilot when it transformed into the Angel, but not much more information had been provided. For a second Shinji's mind wandered to the last two times he had faced an Evangelion in combat: the first time had been against Toji, of course and the second had been against Asuka's Unit 02 when it had been taken over by Kaoru. On both of those occasions Shinji was the victor, but at a great price.  
  
'A man must learn to stand on his own two feet.' His father had said. 'To grow for oneself, and to stand for oneself."  
  
Shinji tightened his grip on the control sticks.  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Damn!" Hyouga peeled off his headphones and turned to Misato. "The Angel has punched through the armor plating of the Geo-Front."  
  
"All twenty-two layers?" Misato asked, but she already knew the answer.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How can that thing keep blasting away like that?" Haruna said, shaking her head.  
  
"It's quite simple." Ritsuko said. "The S2 engine provides all the necessary energy. If you pay attention to it, you'll notice that the Angel releases the energy in one concentrated blast. The Angel probably builds it up so that it can be used as a weapon. The intensity of the blast is proportional to the time the Angel has to mass and concentrate it."  
  
"Let's leave the scientific explanations for some other time, shall we?" Misato Katsuragi broke into the conversation. She turned her head and looked at Haruna, as if to tell her to be quiet and then to Ritsuko. "Is there anyway to predict how long it takes the Angel to build up energy to produce a blast strong enough to harm Unit 01?"  
  
"An algebraic equation should do the trick. MAGI can estimate the maximum energy output of the S2 engine, from there it's simply a matter of coming up with the right function."  
  
"Good. Do that. What is the Angel's ETA, Hyouga?" Misato turned towards the operator.  
  
"A few seconds." Hyouga answered.  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
The boy did not answer.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Extend your AT Field and prepare for combat."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
The Angel landed among the trees of Central Dogma, making the earth shake. Its wings swept backwards as it folded them in a most bird-like manner.  
  
Shinji focused on the thing. How inhuman it looked? It was as if some wild demon had decided to storm the world. He extended his AT Field as Misato had told him. The Angel noticed this. It cocked its head as it brought forth its own AT Field. These two opposed forces canceled each other.  
  
Even after all that had happened, Shinji did not felt like fighting. He knew what was about to take place. The last time he had been in combat the struggle ended with him killing a friend. He still wondered why he had killed Kaoru. He should have allowed his friend to end it all.  
  
"Shinji, the AT Fields are eroding. Get in close, smash the thing's core, and get out. Nothing fancy."  
  
Why was he fighting again? Shinji wondered. He promised to himself that he would never fight again and, yet, here he was. He had chosen not to fight, but everybody else wanted him to. Shinji had to do it, if not for himself, then for all of them. They expected it of him.  
  
Shinji was hesitant. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  
  
Shinji gathered his resolve as he opened his eyes.  
  
"I mustn't run away!"  
  
Shinji tightened his grip on the spear and charged with the speed of a world-class sprinter. Unit 01 advanced with wide strides and the earth trembled under its feet.  
  
The Angel did not react to the incoming Evangelion. When Unit 01 was a few hundred yards away from its target, it jumped into the air with incredible agility. Shinji held the spear with both hands, placed the blade facing forward, so that the Evangelion's momentum would help the spear break through the Angel's chest armor at the time of impact, and aimed for the core.  
  
The Third Child grinned his teeth as he tried to concentrate all his power on the blow he was about to deliver.  
  
The Angel moved forward, perhaps in an attempt to impose itself on the Evangelion, and the two behemoths crashed together with a force so terrible that the entire Geo-Front appeared to shake. As soon as the Angel came into his range, Shinji brought the spear down on it. The Angel lost its balance as Unit 01 crashed into it, causing Shinji to underestimate the target as he swung the weapon.  
  
The blade of the spear came down on the Angel's head. It tore through the armor and flesh and caused the thing's snout to collapse in a heap of blood and tissue.  
  
"Dammit, you missed the core!" Misato shouted over the intercom. "Destroy the core!"  
  
Shinji saw an explosion of red liquid that rose off the Angel's wound. The thing wailed and collapsed backwards. He tried to pull the spear out so that he could shove it into the core, but the blade could not take the force and broke off.  
  
Unit 01 pinned the Angel to the ground with its knees. The Angel struggled weakly under the Evangelion's weight. Shinji ejected the broken blade, turned the spear around and deployed the secondary one on the opposite end of the staff. Unit 01 held the Angel to the ground by grabbing its neck, effectively immobilizing it. As he swung back the spear, Shinji caught a glimpse of the Angel's red eyes. He hesitated. Then two images came to mind: the first one was of Rei Ayanami's surreal red eyes and the second was of Kaoru's.  
  
"Ayanami?"  
  
'We are the same.'  
  
The Angel narrowed its eyes.  
  
"Destroy the core!!! Kill it, Shinji!!"  
  
"Kaoru-kun?"  
  
'Kill me so that you may live.'  
  
The image of the 17th Angel popped into Shinji's mind. Kaoru Nagisa was smiling warmly.  
  
"Shinji, get out of there!!!"  
  
The light consumed everything. Shinji tried to turn away, but there was no escape. He felt as if a hammer had crashed against every inch of his body as the force of the blast hit Unit 01. Shinji came down on his side and covered his head, in an attempt to protect it.  
  
  
  
X  
  
"Shinji!!!" Misato leaned over one of the consoles, in an attempt to get first-hand information on the battle from the screens and in the process almost pushed Hyouga out of his chair. "Shinji!!!"  
  
"Status report!" Misato yelled at the nearest operator, which happened to be Hyouga.  
  
"We can't be sure. Unit 01 appears to be untouched. The visuals are out along with the sensors."  
  
"The energy from the blast was not strong enough to harm Unit 01." Ritsuko said. "It was a last-ditched effort."  
  
"How's Shinji?" Misato asked. The concern she felt was evident in her voice.  
  
"He's all right." Hyouga answered.  
  
"Shinji had it." Ritsuko remarked. "He could have killed it."  
  
Misato wiped around and gave the doctor a hard stare.  
  
"What?"  
  
"He could've killed it, but he hesitated." Ritsuko said, calmly.  
  
"The EMP is gone. All the sensor and visuals are back on-line!" Haruna informed.  
  
"Shinji, can you hear me?" Misato began. "Get your progressive knife and destroy the core!"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Unit 01 tossed away the spear and pulled the progressive knife from the place it is normally kept on the Evangelion's shoulder. Shinji held the knife firmly, with both hands, as he took a step forward.  
  
The Angel pulled itself up out of the huge crater that the blast had opened on the ground. Its head was mauled and bloodied, but somehow, even with the spear's blade sticking out of its snout, it managed to appear more menacing than wounded. Blood flowed like a river and cascaded into the thing's mouth and down its chin.  
  
"I mustn't run away!"  
  
Shinji charged again, this time with the knife. The Angel did not ignore him. As Shinji closed in on it, the Angel moved forward to meet him.  
  
Unit 01 crashed into the Angel with ferocious brutality, but as Shinji tried to bring the knife down on the thing's core, it reached up with both arms and managed to block the blow. Shinji tried to overpower the Angel, but it was in vain. He felt every muscle burning as he tried to, somehow, bring the knife down to tear into the core. Both Unit 01 and the Angel were now locked in combat and neither was willing to give ground, or so it appeared  
  
The Angel sidestepped as it pulled Unit 01's arms forward. The momentum brought the Evangelion temporarily out of balance. It was just for a second, but that was long enough for the Angel to gain the upper hand. The Angel moved sideways and, as Shinji struggled the take a swing at it with the knife, the thing smashed its head against Unit 01's. Shinji felt a throbbing pain on his head. He recoiled as Unit 01 was forced back. The Angel tackled Unit 01 and drove it to the ground with incredible force. But as it reached down to grab the downed Evangelion's neck, Shinji stabbed upwards with the knife, driving it through the Angel's hand just below the knuckles and proceeded to slice the arm in half.  
  
The Angel bellowed and, as it pulled its shattered hand away, Shinji kicked it in the head with all his strength. Now it was Shinji's turn to tackle the Angel. He used every ounce of strength he had to smash his opponent.  
  
Both the Angel and Unit 01 traded savage blows like a pair of lions. There was no coordination to the fight, nor was there any more 'elegance of style' than one would find in a barroom brawl, were the only objective is to main an opponent beyond its ability to resist. The two combatants simply proceeded to hammer each other with everything and anything they had and, in the process, lay waste to the landscape before them.  
  
Shinji was having the best of it. He took the Angel down and repeatedly smashed his fists against the thing's head. The Angel, however, seemed to be able to take more punishment than Unit 01 could dish out. It kicked the Evangelion away and, as Shinji staggered to regain his balance, it reached out to grab Unit 01's throat. Shinji reacted quickly by pushing the thing's arms aside and shoved his elbow into its snout. The force of the blow turned the thing around and Shinji wrapped his forearm around its neck in a fierce chokehold.  
  
The Angel collapse on its knees and Shinji used all his might to break its neck. He pulled, yanked and soon heard the vertebrae beginning to complain. The Angel reached down into the grown and came up it a slim object. Shinji realized that the thing had grabbed the staff of his discarded spear.  
  
The Angel moved forwards, in an effort to gain some leverage over Unit 01, as it shoved the staff backwards, into the Evangelion.  
  
As the staff pierced through Unit 01 shoulder, punching the armor and tearing away at the muscle, Shinji felt a stabbing pain and, pulling away from the Angel, reached up to his wounded shoulder.  
  
The Angel grabbed Unit 01 by its torso and, with Shinji struggling to get free, it opened its wings. The two combatants were airborne with a massive flap of the Angel's wings. Shinji began to hammer his fist into the thing's head causing it to loose strength and both of them came spiraling down.  
  
They crashed into Central Dogma's pyramid, completely demolishing one of the sides. Unit 01 took the brunt of the impact.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
In Central Dogma, all hell had broken loose. It was as if an earthquake had just been triggered, knocking everyone to the floor. Screens exploded, alarms sounded, people screamed and it seemed like the world wound end at that very instant, then it stopped.  
  
Misato fell hard to the ground, as did most of the other people in the control room. The lights went out and all systems were changed to back-up power.  
  
Above the horrible scene of confusion, Hyouga's voice rose like a beacon.  
  
"Massive damage to the building's north side!!!"  
  
"What's the status of Unit 01?" Misato said, picking herself up. She looked around the room.  
  
"It's still operational." Haruna replied.  
  
"Shinji, can you hear me?" Misato called, but there was no reply. "Shinji!!!"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Shinji was hurting. He could feel the blood running down his forehead, he could feel his body screaming. Somehow, he pushed the pain away.  
  
"Shinji!!!"  
  
The Angel pinned Unit 01 to the devastated structure of the pyramid's north side by placing its weight on top of the Evangelion. Shinji tried to push it off with a hand, but the thing smashed its head against Unit 01's making Shinji's strength disappear. The Third Child felt as if his head was about to explode.  
  
Why don't you want to die? Shinji thought to himself. If you die, then the pain will go away.  
  
"Shinji!!!"  
  
Like most animals, the Angel could not smile, but the way it curled the corners of its monstrous mouth gave it a devilish grin. Shinji clenched his teeth as he awaited the next blow, but none ever came. The Angel backed off and walked away.  
  
"What the…"  
  
"Shinji, are you all right?"  
  
"Where is it going?" Shinji asked, completely ignoring Misato's question.  
  
There was a flash of light and the ground trembled. Shinji pulled Unit 01 up from among the shattered ruins of the pyramid and looked at were the Angel stood in front of a huge, smoking hole on the ground.  
  
"It has blown open one of our Eva exits!" Misato informed him. "It's number 43, I think."  
  
The Angel spread its wings and plunged into the tunnel that made up the 43rd exit.  
  
  
  
X  
  
"Where does that exit go?" Misato inquired, as she turned towards the bridge operators.  
  
"The vertical shaft goes from the surface to the main holding cage." It was Haruna who answered. Her eyes shot wide open as the words she just said sank in. "Buda, that's were Unit 02 is!"  
  
"Close all the armored doors on exit 43." Misato ordered. "That might slow that thing down. What is the fastest way to the main cage?"  
  
"Exit 6E." Aoba answered. "It crosses over the 43rd at about 400 yards above the final barrier. In theory, Unit 01 can use it to intercept the Angel at door number 435, but it has 34 degrees of slope, so an elevator would have to be provided. That is a big problem. The Angel's rate of decent is greater than our fastest elevator. We wont be able to intercept the target, realistically, before it reaches the main cage!"  
  
"All right, clear 6E and get an elevator ASAP." Misato said. "Shinji?"  
  
X  
  
Unit 01 had moved towards exit 43 and was, now, kneeling on its edge. Shinji looked down at the seemingly interminable darkness of the tunnel, lined with small lights. To Shinji, it resembled an entrance to hell itself.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"What?" Shinji answered, noticing that his jaw hurt when he spoke.  
  
"It's going to the main cage. Unit 02 is there." Misato said. She sounded desperately concerned. "We are providing an elevator for you through exit 6E. That should allow you get to the main cage safely."  
  
"Am I going to get there before the Angel?"  
  
"No." Misato answered.  
  
"What about Asuka?"  
  
"There is no time to get her out of Unit 02."  
  
"But if the Angel gets there, she'll be defenseless!" Shinji yelled.  
  
"There is only one way to get to the main cage in time to do anything: exit 6E. We can only hope that the Angel doesn't try to destroy Unit 02."  
  
"No." Shinji told himself as he stared down the dark tunnel. "There is another way."  
  
Shinji ejected the power cable from Unit 01's back. At once the battery was activated. He wiped the blood from his brow with a forearm and struggled to mentally block all the pain he felt as he took hold of the staff that was, still, penetrating Unit 01's shoulder and pulled it out.  
  
"Shinji, exit 6E. Now!"  
  
Why are you still fighting? Shinji asked himself. You should let it all end now. No! They had all chosen for him to fight! It was the one thing they wanted from him. They all expected it from him!  
  
"You have to protect her." A voice, from deep inside Shinji's soul, spoke.  
  
Shinji held the staff tightly and thought that even though the blades had been destroyed, he could still shove the staff into the Angel's core. He could have asked for another one. He could have asked for any weapon, but there was no time. The broken spear would be as good as anything else.  
  
"Shinji, what are you doing?"  
  
The Third Child ignored Misato Katsuragi's voice. He closed his eyes and dove, head first, into exit 43.  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Unit 01 has entered exit 43!" Aoba announced. "It's freefalling and closing the distance to the Angel."  
  
Misato Katsuragi shook her head in dismay. The situation was quickly spiraling out of control. Misato was angry, but she ignored what angered her the most: Shinji disobeying an order meant to help him, or the fact that, in doing so, he had placed himself in a situation that was more dangerous than anyone could have foreseen.  
  
Misato suddenly felt a cold shiver run down her spine as the thought of Shinji hit her with full force. This monster was hurting him and yet she could do nothing to really help.  
  
"How much time is there left on Unit 01's battery?" Misato asked.  
  
The reply came from Haruna.  
  
"Just over four minutes."  
  
Misato sighed deeply and wrapped her arms around herself. She knew that if worst came to worst, she would have to give the order for Central Dogma to be destroyed. Misato tried not to think of that, mainly because to do so was a resignation to the fact that Shinji would fail to destroy the Angel.  
  
Don't think like that, Misato told herself. Shinji will beat it.  
  
"Major Katsuragi?"  
  
Misato turned around and looked up at the observation deck to face Gendo Ikari.  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"Prepare Unit 02 for combat." Ikari said in a calm voice.  
  
"But, sir…"  
  
"We will use Unit 02, even if it's just as cannon fodder."  
  
"Unit 01 will come into contact with the target in less than five seconds!!!" Hyouga yelled from his console, effectively ending Misato's argument.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
When Unit 01 crashed into the Angel, the impact made Shinji feel as if he had just been stonewalled by something made of concrete. With Unit 01 now clinging to its back and effectively mangling its wings, the Angel lost its balance and careered into one of the tunnel's walls.  
  
The Angel could not create enough lift with its wings to keep it and Unit 01 in the air. Shinji grabbed the thing's neck and squeezed it, but as he prepared to impale the Angel with the staff, he lost his grip on it and it fell into the darkness. The Angel complained, as it made one final effort to remain airborne, however, the added weight of Unit 01 proved too much to support.  
  
Both the Angel and Unit 01 plunged down exit 43, until the first armored door stopped them. The armor held for a few seconds, enough for Shinji to recover his breath, and collapsed in a heap of twisted metal.  
  
Shinji closed his eyes as Unit 01 kept falling into hell, but, as it did, Shinji knew that would be dragging the Angel along with him. He knew the ride would end in the main holding cage and then he would, not only have to destroy the Angel, but also protect Unit 02 and Asuka.  
  
Asuka? Shinji thought to himself. No matter what, he would not let the Angel touch her.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Asuka Langley Soryu sat, curled in a tight ball, in her entry-plug. She had been oblivious to what had been happening on the outside world, until the lights on the plug were switched on. It was then when she knew that Unit 02 had been activated.  
  
Asuka wondered why they would do such a thing. Unit 02 was useless. It could not be used to fight. Then she remembered that she was the third- string and Unit 02's activation could only mean that both Rei and Shinji had been defeated. That thought made Asuka feel as if a cold hand had been wrapped around her heart.  
  
And then, Heaven came crashing down.  
  
It was as if the entire Geo-Front had come tumbling down on her. The ceiling of the main cage collapsed with a thunder-like groan as the metal and concreted were crushed under the immense weight of the Angel and Unit 01. Every inch of the huge cage shook as the forces that were unleashed upon impact shattered its integrity. There was dust and debris everywhere. Asuka thought she was going to die and welcomed the feeling, but at the time wished it wouldn't end like this.  
  
Asuka raised her head and looked out of the canopy-like front of her entry- plug. As the cloud of dust, which eclipsed all exterior light, slowly receded, she could see shapes moving around in the cage. Asuka caught her first glimpse of the Angel's grotesquely deformed head. The thing reached down into the pile of debris and pulled Unit 01 out of it.  
  
The Second Child froze as the Angel smashed Unit 01 against the nearest wall. Asuka noticed that the Angel was only fighting with one arm and that the second one was simply torn to shreds. The Evangelion answered by shoving an elbow into the thing's head and smashing it against the launch ramps located on the opposite side of the cage. The two creatures fought each other with an uncanny ferocity, but after a few minutes, the Angel managed to pin Unit 01 against the cage's far wall, making it bulge outwards.  
  
As the Angel wrapped its hands around Unit 01's throat, Asuka became enraged at herself, for she knew that there was nothing she could do.  
  
"Asuka?" Misato voice came to her as a desperate plea. "Help Shinji."  
  
Asuke did not reply.  
  
"Help him, please."  
  
Asuka shook her head in a combination of anger and despair, as a feeling of helplessness began to sink in.  
  
"I…can't." Asuka said, in a voice that she never knew she had. "I can't do it. I can't do anything."  
  
"Help him!!!"  
  
"I can't!!!" Asuka screamed and then, as if all her strength had been consumed by that action, she fell quiet. She began to repeat that same thing to herself over and over.  
  
"Asuka…please, do…something." Misato said as her voice began to break down into a sob. Asuka could tell Misato was loosing it. "Help him."  
  
Asuka curled as tight as she could, wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her head between her knees. She wanted to disappear, to hide behind her controls and to die.  
  
"Mama, why have you abandoned me?"  
  
Then she heard a voice in the back of her mind.  
  
  
  
X  
  
Misato slammed her fists into the first thing she could find, namely Hyouga's console, as frustration began to build up. She stared at the operator's monitor, which showed Unit 01 been strangled just as Unit 00 had been before…  
  
"Contamination starting is Unit 01's main nervous system!" Haruna yelled from her console. "We have interference on the brain patterns. MAGI predicts the contamination will reach first level contact in under 7.54 seconds."  
  
"NO!" Misato's eyes shot wide open. "Shinji?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Shinji!!!"  
  
"Initiate signal back-flow." Ritsuko ordered as she leaned over Aoba's shoulder. "Have MAGI analyze the contamination pattern and find a way to dissipate it using our own input signal."  
  
"It's useless. The pattern is too complex for an immediate solution!" Aoba answered back.  
  
"Unit 01's battery power just went under the three minute mark." Hyouga reported.  
  
"We have detected a second thought pattern inside Unit 01!" Haruna yelled.  
  
"Is it coming from the Angel?" Ritsuko asked.  
  
"It's coming from inside the entry-plug!" Aoba said. "It's…merging with the first pattern."  
  
"The contamination is decreasing. It's clear of first level contact parameters and, somehow, it's been buffered from inside Unit 01!" Haruna yelled.  
  
"What are you doing, Ritsuko?" Misato demanded. She was growing very anxious by now.  
  
"We are not doing anything." The doctor replied. "It's as if Unit 01, itself, is attempting to protect the pilot."  
  
"The pilot's brain signal is spiking!" Aoba reported. "We have dangerous levels of stress to the upper cortex of the brain. The central nervous system is taking a pounding."  
  
"Misato-san!!!"  
  
Shinji's voice broke through the confusion in the bridge as if it were a hammer smashing a glass window. Everybody fell quiet.  
  
"Shinji!"  
  
"Something is happening. I can't move!!!"  
  
"Major?" Aoba called out across the bridge.  
  
Misato stared at the monitor as Unit 01 arched its neck and bellowed angrily. Its eyes were set alive with a maniacal gleam. Misato knew that it would be going berserk shortly, just as she knew that Shinji wouldn't be able to take much more of this assault.  
  
"Shinji!!!"  
  
"Major?"  
  
"What?" Misato yelled, as she whipped around to face the operator.  
  
"Asuka's synchrograph is all over the place!"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
HATRED  
  
"Mama, don't die, please. Love me. Mama?"  
  
Asuka was no longer in the world that we know. This was something else: a world of images and memories.  
  
MEMORIES  
  
It was not her mother's voice that called her.  
  
'Why have you forsaken your feelings to the world?'  
  
A CHILD  
  
'Why do you hurt him?'  
  
Asuka felt herself floating, naked in the cold LCL fluid. She curled into a ball, in a vain attempt to escape the coldness, but could not feel her own body heat.  
  
"Where...am...I?" She asked herself.  
  
A VOICE..........  
  
'This is you.' The voice spoke again.  
  
"Mama? Mama, don't die. Don't die!"  
  
'She has abandoned you.' The voice said. 'But I am here.'  
  
"I miss you. Don't die… Mama?"  
  
The voice changed.  
  
'She doesn't love you. I do'  
  
"Don't hate me!"  
  
'I don't hate you. I will not abandon you.'  
  
'What happened to you, Asuka?'  
  
"No. I don't want to remember."  
  
Was that her own voice, Asuka wondered?  
  
'The memories, why?' The voice whispered.  
  
"I don't want them. They hurt me."  
  
'Why?'  
  
"I hate them!!!"  
  
'What about him?' The image of Shinji Ikari appeared in her mind. 'Do you hate him too?'  
  
"No."  
  
'Why do you hurt him?'  
  
"I…don't know." Asuka hesitated.  
  
'Do you want to save him?'  
  
"I can't do it."  
  
'I can help him. I have power. Do you want my power to save him?'  
  
"Yes."  
  
Something came towards Asuka, like a vision out of her nightmares. Its body of clear light gleamed, its eyes, red like fire. It came to her and the light became like an entity, which enveloped her. It touched her, embraced her, loved her.  
  
'What do you seek?' the voice asked.  
  
STRENGTH  
  
The LCL became warm. Asuka stretched her arms and touched the entity of light out of her own will. It did, indeed, embrace her, as if it were her own mother. It whispered in her ear.  
  
'You are safe, my child. I care for you…always.'  
  
Asuka opened her eyes, as if she were doing it for the first time in her entire life. She leaned forward in her plug's command seat and Unit 02 moved, ripping apart the bindings that kept it locked to the launch ramp.  
  
"It's working." Asuka smiled, as everything that had made her feel bad disappeared. At that point all the problems and the darkness went away, and were replaced by a new feeling, one she had longed for and desired: Pride. Her self-confidence came back at full force.  
  
"Asuka, help Shinji!"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Shinji knew he had been slipping in and out of consciousness. The pain was overwhelming and it intruded into every part of his mind. He could hear the voices fighting again, just as he did every time he closed his eyes. Shinji wanted to give in to the pain, but Misato had told him that if he passed out, Unit 01 would go berserk and become unstoppable.  
  
The Angel was looking at him. Its red eyes glowed from among the bloodied mass that was the head to which they belonged. The pain grew.  
  
Shinji was ready to welcome the darkness, when a red arm was wrapped around the Angel's neck. The Third Child looked over the Angel's shoulder just in time to see Unit 02 place a chokehold on the thing.  
  
  
  
X  
  
"Get away from him!" Asuka squeezed the Angel's neck with all her strength and, as she managed to pull it away from Unit 01, heard the vertebrae cracking. The Angel wailed as its neck snapped. "I won't let you hurt him anymore!"  
  
The Second Child had to fight in order to wipe a grin from her face. She tore the Angel from Unit 01 and smashed it against a nearby wall. As the thing collapsed in a heap, Asuka began bashing it with her fists and, eventually, began kicking it. With its neck now broken, the Angel could do very little to defend itself.  
  
"Die!"  
  
Asuka grabbed the Angel by the neck and proceeded to, repeatedly, hammer its head against everything she could find and, with a final blow, caused it to explode in a fountain of blood, muscle and tissue.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Major Katsuragi, de-activate Unit 01 while we still have time." Gendo Ikari commanded from his desk. "Unit 02 will take care of the rest of this operation."  
  
"Yes, sir." Misato nodded weakly. "How much power left?"  
  
"36 seconds." Hyouga answered.  
  
"Begin de-activation procedures." Ritsuko began. "Emergency steps only."  
  
"I'm picking up a high density energy pattern." Hyouga said. "The energy is accumulating on itself. The Angel is going to self-destruct!!!"  
  
"If that thing goes, it'll kill every living creature in a 20 mile radius." Aoba said.  
  
"Asuka, can you hear me?" Misato called over the comm..  
  
"I'm a little…busy right now."  
  
"It'll self destruct. You have to kill it fast!!!"  
  
"How much time?"  
  
Misato checked with Hyouga.  
  
"The energy concentration has surpassed our safety levels, I give it 15 seconds." The operator said.  
  
"15 seconds. I got it."  
  
"If you can't stop it when it reaches 5, place it on the launch ramp. We'll eject it to the outside."  
  
To that, Asuka did not reply.  
  
X  
  
  
  
This time, Asuka didn't waste a second. As soon as the Angel hit the ground she pinned it with her knees and ripped open its chest with the progressive knife she had taken from Unit 02's shoulder.  
  
And then the core was left exposed.  
  
"Now you die!!!"  
  
Letting one scream filled with anger and hate, she buried the knife on the dark sphere that was the Angel's core. It did not collapse as she had expected, instead the knife's sonic waves, in contact, with the core's molecules began to spark. Asuka pressed the knife harder.  
  
"Die!!!" Asuka pushed aside the pain in her head and gave all her strength to the progressive knife in her hands. She held it so tightly that her knuckles began to hurt. Her arm began to hurt, but still she ignored the pain.  
  
"Ten."  
  
The Second Child leaned her body forward, so that now the entire weight of the Eva was placed on the knife.  
  
"Five. Get rid of it. We'll launch it to the outside"  
  
"NO!!!" Asuka yelled, shaking her head. "I'll kill it."  
  
"This is not worth the danger, Asuka!!!"  
  
"Three." Asuka began counting to herself. "Two, come on!!!"  
  
Letting out one final burst of strength she pushed the prog. Knife with every once of power she had left. The core began to crack.  
  
"One!!!"  
  
Asuka pushed the knife deeper into the sore, hoping, praying she would not die with it. As she counted the final number in her mind, she squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the end.  
  
"Zero."  
  
The explosion never came. Instead there was silence, interrupted only by the buzzing sound of the knife's sonic blade.  
  
Silence.  
  
The core imploded in a fountain of blood.  
  
Asuka, slowly, half-opened her eyes. She peered outside and every muscle of her body relaxed, as she realized that the Angel's core had been crushed.  
  
"The energy concentration is dissipating." Hyouga reported  
  
The Second Child looked to her right and saw Unit 01 standing several hundred feet away, amidst the ruble of the main holding cage. She straightened herself up and pulled away from the inert Angel as she did.  
  
"It's dead. You did it." Misato said. Her voice sounded rather emotional  
  
Asuka did not reply. She sat on her entry-plug and stared at Unit 01, while the images of what had just happened strolled in her head. She could not understand any of it, as if it were all some kind of wild dream, but, while the magnitude escaped her, one single thought didn't. She pulled at her control sticks and Unit 02 moved its arm accordingly.  
  
"It really works." Asuka told herself, completely unaware that Misato was listening. "Mama? It really works."  
  
"Asuka, are you all right?"  
  
"Yes. I am fine." The redhead replied, even though she didn't feel right. Asuka knew that she should be happy with what had happened, but, somehow, was not. She did not feel comfortable. It was not like before, when her happiness depended on her ability to use Eva. Asuka could not comprehend the strange sensation that coursed through her mind.  
  
Something was missing.  
  
"Mama?" Asuka whispered, shaking her head. "Why did you abandon me?"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Silence fell across the bridge.  
  
"MAGI has confirmed that the target has gone quiet." Haruna said as a smile lit her face. "We survived!"  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"Major, we have a report from Recovery Team 34." Hyouga said.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"They have located Unit 00's plug and have listed Rei's condition as stable."  
  
"That's good to hear." Misato replied, smiling. "Stand down from red alert."  
  
"As ordered." Aoba acknowledged. "Shall we begin the clean-up operations?"  
  
"Yes." Misato answered as she began walking towards the closest elevator. "Dr. Akagi, take care of the rest of the operation."  
  
"Where are you going, Misato?" Ritsuko inquired.  
  
"To check on Shinji." Misato said, just as she stood on the elevator platform and pressed the 'down' button.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
On the observation deck, Sub-Commander Fuyutzuki spoke first.  
  
"It seems the day belongs to us, after all."  
  
"Indeed it does." Ikari replied as he stood up from his desk. "Unit 02 came through for us at the last moment. The start-up program did what it was supposed to."  
  
"Now we must wait to see what price will be extracted from us in exchange for victory." Fuyutzuki said. "The start-up program in Unit 02's coding is a double edged sword."  
  
"I know that it is." Ikari said. "This thing we will classify as the 18th Angel was created by the use of a corrupted version of the Emerald Tablet. So, what better way to defeat it than by using a simplification of the Tablet itself? Now you know why it was so important to get an Evangelion working with this coding. Unit 00 was supposed to be the perfect candidate for this, but we had to improvise."  
  
"The gamble paid off, then." Fuyutzuki said.  
  
"It still came too close for comfort. I would have preferred not to expose Unit 01 to any possible contamination from the Angel, but the way things turned out seem to justify our actions."  
  
"Not everything worked out in our favor, however. Unit 00 was demolished and the damage to the Geo-Front and Central Dogma is enormous." Fuyutzuki pointed out.  
  
"Those issues can be resolved with time and money. I don't intend to get Unit 00 back in combat condition. Unit 02 should be more than enough to deal with any threat and we can always improvise."  
  
"But Unit 02 will become very unstable." Fuyutzuki said.  
  
"I am not concerned with that, because we can control Unit 02 and when the time comes it will help us deal with our greatest foe: Man himself. I am more interested in the events that will now take place in the world. You must remember, sensei, that, with more Angels, NERV is a necessity. We have become essential, once again, to the world's defense. "  
  
"You mean NERV is untouchable." Fuyutzuki said.  
  
"Correct"  
  
X  
  
  
  
The three housemates waited on the brightly lit hallway that led to Rei's hospital room in NERV's Cranial Nerve Ward. Shinji sat, quietly, on the bench by the door, leaning forwards and with his face buried in his hands. Asuka stood opposite Misato, who rested her back on the wall and tried to avoid looking at the boy. Naturally, it was Asuka who broke the silence.  
  
"This is taking too long." The redhead complained, but her voice lacked her usual tone. The words were flat, dull. "I'm hungry."  
  
"It's not nice to whine, Asuka." Misato replied in the most commanding voice she could muster, which was not commanding at all. "I promised I would take you to lunch afterwards."  
  
"I thought this would only take a few minutes. You tricked me." Asuka replied, folding her arms in annoyance. Her voice remained unemotional.  
  
"I did no such thing." Misato said, shaking her head. "Aren't you in the least concerned for Rei?"  
  
"No." Asuka said without missing a beat. "Why should I?"  
  
"Well, I am concerned…" Misato began and, as she did, turned towards the sitting boy. "…And Shinji is too, so we got you at a 2-1 disadvantage. Isn't that right Shinji?"  
  
Shinji remained silent.  
  
"I don't care." Asuka said.  
  
"Well, screw democracy then. I'm paying for lunch so I hold all the cards." Misato said. "We are here to check on Rei, period."  
  
"Wonder Girl must feel like she is the most popular girl in the world." Asuka said, filling her voice with all the spite she could muster. "Pathetic."  
  
"Keep it up and you'll have to pay for your own food." Misato replied.  
  
"I don't know why you care." Asuka snapped. "She's just a doll."  
  
"Asuka!"  
  
"She IS a doll, a puppet, an unfeeling robot!"  
  
"Stop it, dammit!" Misato snapped back, in an outburst of anger.  
  
Asuka fell silent.  
  
"Sorry." Misato said, shaking her head.  
  
"Why do you all defend her?" Asuka began and, as she did, her raised her voice. "It's not like you owe her anything. So why am I the one who gets the slap in the face for saying what I think of her? No one ever defends me."  
  
"Asuka, it's not like that…" Misato started, but Asuka cut her short.  
  
"Why do we have to be here? Why do I have to care? When I was in the hospital, nobody ever came to see me. Nobody cared, so why should I care for her?"  
  
"It's…" Misato trailed off. She couldn't come up with anything to say.  
  
Asuka gave her a growl, muttered something in German and, slowly, began walking down the hall.  
  
"Where are you going?" Misato asked the girl as she walked off.  
  
"To find a vending machine." Asuka said and, without looking back, turned the corner. "Let me know when you are done."  
  
"Asuka, don't wander off too far." Misato said. She turned to Shinji once again. He was still silent, like he had been since they left the apartment. Misato could only guess at what he was feeling. Shinji had said nothing since the fight with the Angel, but Misato could tell that he was hurt, mentally speaking. She blamed herself for this.  
  
Just as Misato getting ready to say something, the door opened and Dr. Ritsuko Akagi emerged holding a clipboard. Misato immediately diverted her gaze from Shinji over to the doctor.  
  
"How is she?" Misato asked.  
  
"She's been better." Ritsuko said as she turned to Shinji. "You can go in and talk to her, now."  
  
Shinji didn't say anything. He just stood up and walked through the door without doing so much as making eye contact with either woman. As Shinji closed the door behind him, Ritsuko looked over to where Misato stood.  
  
"He is not all right, is he?"  
  
"No." Misato replied, closing her eyes. "Physically he is OK, but this is a problem of the mind, perhaps even of the soul."  
  
The place was bare, like hospital rooms everywhere. There was bed, a nightstand, and a strange machine. Rei stood near the window located on the far side of the small, squared room. She was looking at the outside, wearing only the hospital gown and several bandages wrapped around her head and left shoulder.  
  
"A-Ayanami?" Shinji whispered, almost out of his control involuntarily.  
  
Rei did not even flinch, as she spoke in a soft, barely audible voice.  
  
"I am not her."  
  
Shinji, realizing what he had just done, shook his head.  
  
"I'm s-sorry."  
  
"I am Rei Ayanami. I can be nobody else, but…Ayanami is dead. I am a copy of her. Nothing more."  
  
"Rei, don't say those things." Shinji began. "Please."  
  
"I am not her and yet I have her form, her body, her mind, images of things I have never experienced, feelings I can't understand. I think like her, but I am not her." Rei said, gazing at he reflection of herself on the glass window. "I have her face, her eyes, her skin. I am a living incarnation of her, but…"  
  
"Rei, please…"  
  
"Human are individuals. They think for themselves and live for themselves. I don't. My thoughts are not mine. My memories are not mine. They are all reflections of her…the Rei Ayanami that doesn't exist."  
  
"You are Rei Ayanami." Shinji said. "I don't care if you are the third one. You exist, that's proof enough of your humanity."  
  
"Human beings are created by God, I was created by Man. Only God can bestow a soul, not Man. So I am an empty vessel."  
  
"Rei…"  
  
"I was ready to die." Rei said. "I was ready to embrace death as an escape from this world, like Ayanami did, but, in the end, I could not. I held to life knowing that it would be devoid of humanity. I chose life because I couldn't relinquish it."  
  
"You see, Rei. You have enough humanity to hold on to life." Shinji said, walking towards Rei. "You are human."  
  
"He told me that I was like him." Rei said as she turned to face Shinji.  
  
"You mean…"  
  
"That boy. The one you killed." Rei said. "Nagisa Kaoru."  
  
Those words brought the images of Kaoru back to Shinji's mind. He could still hear the boy's last words. It was still painful. Why did you kill him? Shinji asked himself, like he had a million times before. Another image came to mind, Rei's eyes and then the Angel's. They were all red like blood.  
  
Is it possible that…  
  
Kaoru  
  
Rei  
  
Angel.  
  
Shinji shook his head to clear it of that thought. No, he told himself. Rei is human. Rei Ayanami is human!  
  
Rei slowly turned back to the window and, once again, gazed at her reflection as if she were looking at a completely different person.  
  
"Who am I?" Rei whispered to herself. "Who am I?"  
  
  
  
X  
  
'Terminal Dogma  
  
Mega-depth facility.  
  
Code 1 Authorization required, trespassers will be shot on sight.'  
  
Or so read the sign next to the enormous door at the end of the long corridor, which had brought them here. Junichi Nakayima had already lost track of how many thousands of feet below the surface they were, but he was sure that it was at least a kilometer or more.  
  
The agent shifted his weigh uncomfortably, for the hundredth time. His arm, which he carried in a sling, hurt and every time he moved, his shoulder screamed. He ignored if he should be glad to be alive, or if he should have tried to escape, but one thing was for sure: Gendo Ikari wouldn't have called for him if he didn't have something important or interesting to say. It certainly couldn't go any worse than his last meeting with Kluge.  
  
The ride alone on the elevator had taken more than half an hour, and it was one of those big express elevators, like those used on skyscrapers. Oddly enough, during that time Gendo Ikari, along with his bodyguards, had remained very quiet. Finally, after another half hour or so of walking around, they came upon a large corridor lit only by dim lights in the ceiling.  
  
Ikari stopped by the door, which also had the NERV fig leave and carefully studied the access panel on its side.  
  
"What is this place?" Nakayima asked, unsure of what to say.  
  
"Heaven's Gate." Ikari said. "Many people have died for just a glimpse of what you are about to see."  
  
Making up his mind, Ikari typed the entry code and pulled a security card from his jacket pocket.  
  
"This is a life's work. It's a path, a way, an option." Ikari said showing the card to Nakayima.  
  
Ikari ran the card through the scanning slot and hit the enter button.  
  
The doors beeped and opened.  
  
"Oh, my God!" was all Nakayima could come up with.  
  
In front of them was a large cavern, so big that most of it was covered in darkness, and in the center of the cavern he saw a huge red cross, and…. something nailed to it, something as big as the Evas, but so much more macabre. It was white, all over white, with no face, only a mask carrying an inverted triangle and seven eyes, nailed by its hands to the cross. It was the crest of SEELE!  
  
"This is the source of everything since the Second Impact, the reason for the existence of NERV. This is their truth." Ikari said, then turned to Nakayima who didn't even notice, because he was too busy staring at the thing. Ikari continued.  
  
"This is the technology that they used to trigger Second Impact. We copied it from this. We didn't create it, perhaps not even the SEELE did, because if they did, they wouldn't be looking for this one." That's as far as Ikari got, before been interrupted by Nakayima.  
  
"Why are you showing me this?"  
  
"Like I said, many people have died for this. Those people sought the truth about Second Impact and stumbled into this. Your father was one of them. They killed him because of his knowledge. He was going to expose them to his government."  
  
"H-how do you know about my father?" The agent asked, tearing his eyes off the thing and focusing them on Ikari.  
  
"I have my sources."  
  
"Katsuragi?"  
  
"Leave her out of this." Ikari said, "There never was a 'Nakayima' involved with the investigations following Second Impact. There was, however, a Government man named Aichi, who had a son he called Juni-chan. That is you, if my memory serves me correctly. I ignore how you managed to fool SEELE into taking you in, but I knew the man personally. I knew about his son. I hadn't noticed it first, but then it all clicked. You followed his path and forgot to make your own."  
  
"Special Agent Kaji Ryougi got me into SEELE. I owe it to him." Nakayima said. "I changed my last name in order to get rid of my father's past and Agent Ryougi erased it from SEELE's files. I was given a new life so that I could sneak past SEELE's screeners in Germany. Ryougi said he wanted someone to watch his back. The man was very resourceful, mind you, but he was fearful that SEELE might try to destroy him before he could accomplish his goal. "  
  
"So, you are here to seek the truth for yourself, like Ryougi did?" Ikari said.  
  
"No." Nakayima smiled weakly. "I did it for the same reason that I first came to Ryougi. I found a connection to him in my father's papers, just as I found a letter from a Congressman Keel to my father, saying that he should heed the warning of his government. Ryougi knew that it had been Keel who killed my father and offered me a chance to get the one thing that gave meaning to my life."  
  
"Vengeance, then?" Ikari said.  
  
"Am I so transparent, Mr. Ikari?" Nakayima said. "They sent me to spy on you, because I was aware of what Kaji was doing. They thought I was doing them a favor, so I was given a position from which I could pass along information about you and NERV to the MOI and they would talk to SEELE through their contacts. How could they have known that I hadn't the slightest intention to play along?"  
  
Nakayima turned around and stared at the creature, once again.  
  
"So this is what killed him, uh?" The agent asked himself. Suddenly another sound filled the air. He recognized the sound a gun's safety made when removed. Nakayima turned to find one of the guards holding a gun to his head.  
  
"You must be very proud of your father." Ikari said.  
  
"Why do you say that?" Nakayima whispered, shaking his head.  
  
"Because if I had thought of him as a lesser man, I would have asked him to join me." Ikari said. "I knew he wouldn't."  
  
"That is not a comforting thought."  
  
"I don't have such an opinion about you, however." Ikari said. "You are not even the shadow of what he was."  
  
"I know that. So?" Nakayima said, narrowing his eyes. "I'll die just the same."  
  
"Maybe." Ikari said. "Or maybe not."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You have something I need." Ikari began. "Information from inside SEELE. You had a mission, did you not? They sent you to look for something, didn't they? I want that information."  
  
"If I refuse?"  
  
"Are you under the impression that we are bargaining?" Ikari said. "They will kill you because they know that you are not reliable. You will die without accomplishing your goal, like Ryougi. If you give me what I request, I will provide protection for you, so that you can live long enough to attain vengeance against those who destroyed your father."  
  
"Then, when it's all over, you'll kill me for what I know, right?"  
  
"The westerners have a saying: Trapped between the sword and a wall, but if you smash yourself hard enough against the wall, it'll break. You can chose: die now, or die later. To die now would make your death, and therefore your life, meaningless. To die later would mean that you would have time to make your death worth it." Ikari said.  
  
"And I guess that gun to my head is just making that point." Nakayima said, shaking his head. "Do you expect me to be afraid of death?"  
  
"No. I expect you to be afraid to die for nothing. Face it, Nakayima-san you fear the lack of purpose in death. You fear that, when you die, they will win and you will never again be able to get what you want."  
  
"You are right." Nakayima accepted. He knew that Gendo Ikari was correct in his assumption about him. "I am afraid to die for nothing."  
  
"So you will side with me?" Ikari asked, bluntly.  
  
"Just promise me one thing." The agent began, not knowing why he was doing it. "I want to be there when it all comes tumbling down."  
  
"You will be there, sitting along with the rest of us." Ikari said as he motioned for his guard to put down the gun.  
  
  
  
X  
  
To be continued… 


	7. Relation

Evangelion Genocide  
  
By: Rommel.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Well, the synch-ratio has finally settled down." Hyouga said, typing away on his computer console. "56.76%. It took a nosedive since the first test last week, but it appears stable enough."  
  
Misato Katsuragi looked away from the operator and focused on the entry- plug simulators located in the huge room opposite the glass window.  
  
"At least it's something." She said. "Dr. Akagi expected the synch-ratio to drop, anyway."  
  
"I still can't figure out what the difference in the brain pattern signal is. MAGI has identified a 99.999% probability for Asuka, but there is a 0.001% unidentifiable."  
  
"Have you ruled out interference?" Misato said.  
  
"The test has been performed seven times, each with a different filter on the system. It can't be interference." Hyouga answered.  
  
"So what can it be?"  
  
"I don't know." Hyouga said. "Contamination, maybe, but if it's that the synchrograph would show something, which it doesn't."  
  
"Is it something that's likely to hurt the pilot?" Misato asked. Hyouga could tell that she was more concerned for Asuka than she was for the test's results.  
  
"I wouldn't say so. The percentage is too small." The operator replied. "During a high-stress situation, however, the signal will spike and that can cause troubles with the synchrograph."  
  
"But it's not a problem that directly affects the pilot's safety, correct?"  
  
"Correct."  
  
"I'll settle for that." Misato said, wrapping her arms around herself. "Any other item on the list?"  
  
"No. We are done."  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"Open a link to the pilot." She ordered. Hyouga pressed a button on his console.  
  
"You are on, Major."  
  
"Asuka, can you hear me?" Misato said, making her voice as unemotional as possible.  
  
"Yes." The reply from the redhead came back almost instantly. "How was it?"  
  
"Your synch-ratio has leveled." Misato answered. "You did good. We are going to de-activate the simulator now."  
  
Inside the entry-plug simulator the light flickered brightly for a second, then plunged back into darkness. Asuka sat on the command seat, holding the control sticks loosely. She was relaxed, as much as she could manage given how she felt. The strange sensation had not abandoned her. It was as if there were something missing, but she couldn't recognize what it was. She knew something was not right, though, in the same way that a driver can tell when his car is not shifting properly. The German girl simply didn't feel as comfortable as before and it bothered her.  
  
Asuka tried to push that thought out of her head.  
  
No. The Eva works and that is all you need.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Hell is other people."  
  
-Jean-Paul Sartre  
  
  
  
Genocide 0:7  
  
Relation  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"The problem is more than what meets the eyes, of course." Gendo Ikari said, as he looked at his aide. "The recent events will deter the UN from trying anything stupid. Not only that, but SEELE's credibility has taken a blow."  
  
"But SEELE will surely find a way to strike back." Sub-Commander Fuyutzuki said. "They may not know what your plans are, but they will attempt to stop you."  
  
"Influence is SEELE's only real power." Ikari replied. "The UN follows them blindly because they believe that SEELE knows everything, but these new developments should shake that confidence."  
  
"The Shepard without sheep." Fuyutzuki remarked. "If no one is willing to follow, SEELE will lose its power over the UN."  
  
"And anything that undermines their authority is good for us." Ikari said, leaning back on his chair. "The situation also places us in the spotlight. The UN has theorized that the Sixth Branch might have been the cause of the tragedy in China. They can't prove anything, of course, but still."  
  
"If the UN finds the truth about what the Chinese were doing…" Fuyutzuki began, but Ikari cut him short.  
  
"They won't, much like in the Matsushiro incident. In a few weeks this whole thing will be forgotten."  
  
"They won't abandon the investigation." The Sub-Commander said. "Nor will they create a cover-up like after Second Impact. All those people…the UN won't stop looking for answers."  
  
"The loss of life is regrettable. Sadly, some sacrifices have to be made, but I'm not concerned for those souls. They are one with their God now, much like we will become one with each other during complementation."  
  
" 'He who overcomes shall not be afraid of the Second Death'." Fuyutzuki said. "Seems quite fitting."  
  
"There is a reason why that book was written." Ikari said, as he stood up. "Now enough of that matter. We can't change the past, so we have to concern ourselves to the present and the future. Have you talked with our friends in the American Department?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, they contacted me." Fuyutzuki said. "They are scared and understandably so. Their installation in Nevada is gone, and now that another of our branches has been obliterated, they want the one Eva they still have possession of out of their country ASAP, regardless of SEELE counter-order."  
  
"So they have no intentions of opposing the transfer?"  
  
"They will do it, so as long as we take the Eva out of the US, permanently. Nakayima says that the Japanese are not opposing, even though the MOI did protest." Fuyutzuki began, narrowing his eyes. "Have you taken a look at his report? It's quite extensive."  
  
"I don't doubt that it is."  
  
"Which reminds me, the Foreign Minister has asked for another meeting."  
  
"He's coming to tell me that his boss has agreed to my deal." Ikari said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Who would have thought it possible."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
The day was clear and hot, illuminated by the bright sunlight as it streamed into the small terminal building of the Hakone Line Monorail.  
  
Asuka stood, clad in her school uniform for the first time in months, on the number 3 platform as she waited for the train and wondered how she had allowed Hikari to convince her to go back to school. Asuka had to give credit to her friend for trying to restore some normality into her life, but she had not felt like going back. Hikari, however, persisted and finally the redhead had had no other choice but to agree to go to school. Asuka thought it was strange, though, how Hikari had been absent from her room this morning when she woke up. At first she thought that Hikari had gone to school early, but it was not like her to do so, especially when she had agreed to go with Asuka.  
  
Just as well. I guess she thought I wasn't going to school after all.  
  
Asuka looked across to the other side of the platform and fixed her eyes on the brown haired boy that stood there, next to the blue haired girl. Unlike before Shinji Ikari was not talking to Rei Ayanami, instead he was avoiding her. Asuka could tell by his body language that he was uncomfortable.  
  
He is also avoiding me, Asuka thought to herself.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"You have a lot of things to explain, Shinji." Kensuke said, as soon as Shinji walked into the classroom, followed shortly by Rei and, eventually, Asuka.  
  
Shinji narrowed his eyes as he looked over to where Kensuke Aida sat.  
  
"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, with a spark of confusing in his voice.  
  
"Well, you told me there were no more Angels. So what happened?" Kensuke said, not missing a second.  
  
"I don't know." Shinji shrugged. "They miscounted."  
  
He set down his school bag and sat on his usual chair in the center of the room.  
  
"I saw what happened in China on the news…" Kensuke began as he walked closer to Shinji. "It must have given you one heck of a battle."  
  
"I beat the Angel," Asuka said, rather emphatically as she walked past the two of them on the way to her desk. "Not the all mighty Shinji Ikari."  
  
"You?" Kensuke could not hide the surprise from his voice. "But Shinji told me that you couldn't pilot anymore?"  
  
Asuka frowned at him.  
  
"Shinji was wrong, as usual." She began, making an emphasis on each and every one of the words and raising her voice. "He got thrashed about by the Angel and I had to save him."  
  
"Shame on you, Shinji Ikari." Kensuke said, jokingly. "Saved by a girl."  
  
"That's…not everything." Shinji began, whispering weakly and not daring to look directly at Asuka.  
  
"What was that?" Asuka yelled back. "Are you calling me a liar?"  
  
"N-no…" Shinji said, trying to pick the right words for his argument. "That's…not what I meant."  
  
"So then tell us, what did you mean?" Asuka replied.  
  
Shinji fell silent.  
  
"Well, Shinji?" Kensuke asked. By now he was greatly interested in hearing the story.  
  
Shinji just stared at the empty space in front of him as the images came back with painful clarity.  
  
'It's going to the main cage. Unit 02 is there.' Misato had said. 'We are providing an elevator for you through exit 6E. That should allow you get to the main cage safely.'  
  
'Am I going to get there before the Angel?' Shinji had asked.  
  
'No.' Misato had answered.  
  
'What about Asuka?'  
  
'There is no time to get her out of Unit 02.'  
  
Shinji shook his head and tried to push the thoughts away. He wanted to forget, to put it all away in a dark part of his mind so that the memories would never surface again, but he knew it was impossible.  
  
"I tried to protect you, Asuka…" Shinji whispered in a barely audible voice. "I tried…to protect you."  
  
"Really?" Kensuke raised an eyebrow.  
  
Asuka narrowed her blue eyes.  
  
"Yeah right, and what else?" She replied, sarcastically. "You couldn't have cared less. You were just trying to show off like you always do."  
  
"No. I wasn't." Shinji said. He turned, now, and, for the first time, locked eyes with Asuka. "You were in the Eva, it was going towards you, and I couldn't let it hurt you."  
  
"Oh please. You are nothing but a show-off!" Asuka said, shaking her head angrily, sending a fiery storm of red hair in all directions. She couldn't accept it. Asuka knew that he had jumped into the Eva exit in order to reach the Angel but never, not once, did she think it was in order to protect her.  
  
"I couldn't just stand by and let it…hurt you."  
  
"No! I don't need you to protect me!" Asuka screamed. "I don't need anyone to protect me! You are just saying that because you are jealous that I destroyed the Angel and not you."  
  
"I had to stop it before it got to you." Shinji said, tearing his gaze away from Asuka. "It was going to hurt you…I just couldn't stand by and do nothing."  
  
"Liar! You hate me, why would you want to protect me? You care for Wonder Girl more than you care for me!" Asuka made a sweeping motion with her arm towards where Rei sat in her usual place, oblivious to the argument. "Everybody cares for her more than they care for me, but I know why they hate me."  
  
"Asuka…" Shinji tried to say something, but the redhead cut him short.  
  
"They hate me because I am not their doll and that's fine with me!"  
  
"I…don't hate you!" Shinji screamed back. "I… tried to protect you, because I…care!"  
  
Asuka did not reply. Suddenly, she had that awkward 'deer in headlights' look on her eyes.  
  
A strange silence fell across the classroom. Even Kensuke, who usually had a reply for everything, kept quiet.  
  
Hikari Hokari walked into the room, and was soon followed by Keiko Nagara. The two girls immediately noticed the tension. Hikari turned her puzzled gaze to Kensuke. There was no answer to the unspoken question.  
  
Shinji slowly got up without even looking back at Asuka, who was still bewildered by the boy's words, walked past Hikari, opened the door and quietly slipped outside.  
  
"Hey, Shinji, you'll miss class!" Kensuke said and quickly followed his friend.  
  
"Asuka?" Hikari tried to come up with a sensible question, but Asuka did not give her time to think of anything.  
  
"He cares, Hikari." Asuka said, simply, and smiled.  
  
Keiko stood a few yards away, looking at the two girls with interest. She knew that this, whatever it was, was not any of her business, but she tried to hear what they were saying, anyway. The redhead was the Second Child; that much she knew, because she had heard Hikari call her 'Asuka'. A part of her wanted to approach them and introduce herself to Asuka; the other part was rather...intimidated by the girl.  
  
Asuka nodded when Hikari asked her if she was fine. She looked past her friend and noticed the brunette girl standing there, like some strange sculpture. The redhead raised an eyebrow.  
  
"A new student?"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
The main cage inside Central Dogma was a mess of twisted metal and rubble. It reminded Dr. Akagi of some kind of urban battlefield, which in some aspects it was. The repairs to this part of the Geo-Front alone would cost nearly 250 million dollars, but the doctor was not overtly concerned with the money issues anymore for the UN had just approved a new budget plan to allow for NERV's renewed importance.  
  
Ritsuko focused all her attention on the grotesque figure that lay half buried in the LCL. What remained of the Angel emerged from the liquid, like some kind of strange island. There was a small army of techs and machines scrambling over it, and even more of them under the LCL's surface, each with a specific task.  
  
The Technician standing next to her flinched as his headphones came to life. He turned to the doctor.  
  
"They have found the entry-plug."  
  
Ritsuko nodded.  
  
"Set the charges and bring it up."  
  
The Tech relayed the orders without hesitation and fixed his eyes on the LCL.  
  
At first only a few bubbles could be seen, then divers began to pop up and finally, the entry-plug. A crane was lowered and the divers attached the plug to it. Ritsuko noticed that both the ends of the long cylinder were painted red, with white rings running through them.  
  
"A dummy-plug." She said. "Bring it to Terminal Dogma."  
  
The Tech nodded.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Ahhh…I really don't know, Asuka." Misato's voice hesitated. "I mean; this is a very serious issue."  
  
"I know it is, Misato." Asuka said, bringing her voice down so that only Misato, on the other side of the phone connection, could hear her.  
  
"I would have to ask him."  
  
"Don't…do that. I don't want him to know."  
  
"But I can't make a decision like this without letting him know."  
  
"I don't care, just keep it to yourself." Asuka insisted.  
  
"Asuka, I think I really should ask him." Misato said.  
  
Asuka didn't reply to that.  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
"Forget it." Asuka frowned. "Forget we ever had this conversation."  
  
"OK…OK, if it makes you happy. You can go ahead provided you talk with Ms. Hokari. Call me back when you do and I'll send someone for your things." Misato said, finally.  
  
"Don't mention this to anyone, Misato." Asuka said. "I won't forgive you if you do."  
  
"I won't. I promise." Misato replied, softly. "Do you need anything else?"  
  
"No." Asuka said. "That's it."  
  
"All right, then. Bye." Misato said.  
  
"Bye." Asuka said and pressed the 'end' button on the cell phone. She looked for a moment at the mute device before putting back into her school bag.  
  
Why am I doing this?  
  
"Asuka, wait up!"  
  
The German redhead looked at the pigtailed girl that came walking behind her. Hikari hated to run, but Asuka could always tell when she was in a hurry because of the expression on her face.  
  
"Hey, Hikari."  
  
"I thought we were going home together." The dark-haired girl said, standing next to her friend.  
  
"Yeah, but you forgot to tell me you had 'clean-up duties' today." Asuka said, frowning jokingly at Hikari. "I didn't know how long it was gonna take."  
  
"Sorry." Hikari said, shaking her head. "I should have told you."  
  
"It's OK. The teacher told me you had a lot of work to do." Asuka whispered back. "I thought you were going to stay much longer, so I decided to leave."  
  
Neither of them said anything as they began walking down the sideway. The train station was only a few blocks way from the school, so it barely took them ten minutes to get there. It would take a lot longer to get to Hikari's place, however, since they had to do a stop and change trains.  
  
Asuka was the first one to the platform, while Hikari trailed behind her. They scanned their student ID's on the machine set besides the gate and walked through. Their train was already there, so they had to rush in order to squeeze past the sliding doors.  
  
The train was crowded with people, mostly students, but Hikari eventually found a single seat towards the back. She offered it to Asuka, but the redhead refused, so she sat down while Asuka stood in front of her, holding one of the loop handles that dangled from a rail in the ceiling. Almost immediately afterwards, the train began moving.  
  
Asuka allowed her eyes to wander through the train car, examining the elongated shadows, just before looking out through the nearest window, behind where Hikari sat, to see the station passing by and eventually, the orange tinted, sunset sky.  
  
Why am I doing this?  
  
'I tried to protect you, because I care.' Shinji had said and Asuka could not forget the words. It was as if they were embedded in her mind.  
  
'I tried to protect you.'  
  
'I tried to protect you.'  
  
"Hikari?" Asuka began, purposely fixing her eyes on the distance.  
  
"Yes?" Hikari said, gazing intently at the redhead. Asuka's sharp features appeared darker than usual as the sunlight that filtered through the train windows gave her, and everything else in the car for that matter, a not-so- subtle crimson blush. "What is it, Asuka?"  
  
"I want to go home."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Misato slumped down on the nearest chair she could find, which happened to be right across from Dr. Ritsuko Akagi's desk. The fake-blonde doctor raised her eyes from the mountain of paperwork she was currently examining and looked at the Major  
  
"How was last night's test?" Ritsuko said, simply.  
  
"56 point something." Misato answered.  
  
"Is it stable?"  
  
"Yes." Misato said. She sounded as if she was been troubled by something. "There's a signal discrepancy, but nothing serious."  
  
"As long as it doesn't affect her ability to pilot Unit 02 it's fine."  
  
"Ritsuko?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"She just asked me to move back." Misato said, feeling guilty that she had to break the promise she made to Asuka, but Ritsuko was the head of Project- E, she had to know.  
  
"You can't let that happen."  
  
"I told her that if that made her happy, then it was OK."  
  
"Why would you do that?'  
  
"Because she asked. I couldn't say no." Misato said.  
  
"Do you know how this might affect the whole project?"  
  
It was a rhetorical question, and Misato knew it.  
  
"Is that all you care about?" Misato asked, crossing her legs and leaning back on her chair.  
  
"It's a matter of survival." Ritsuko replied, rifling through her papers.  
  
"It's a matter doing what I think is best for Asuka."  
  
"You were wrong before. Do you want something like that to happen again?"  
  
Misato said nothing.  
  
"I think you have lost your mind."  
  
"I guess I have, but at least my attitude doesn't need fixing, like yours." Misato said, laying the bait for a change of subject. Ritsuko knew that there was really nothing she could say to make the Major change her mind about the Asuka situation, so she let the conversation move on to something else.  
  
"What attitude would that be, Misato?" Ritsuko asked.  
  
"The 'cold, inhuman, heartless doctor' attitude."  
  
"And how do you propose fixing it?"  
  
"Getting you a man, I suppose." Misato said.  
  
"That'll be quite a chore in this place." The doctor replied. "But of course you know about that, right?"  
  
"Are you implying what I think you are implying?" Misato asked, with faked indignation.  
  
"Maybe." Ritsuko said.  
  
"Well, now I'm offended." Misato said, folding her arms as she frowned.  
  
"I was joking, you know." Ritsuko grinned weakly.  
  
Misato broke into a smile.  
  
"I know."  
  
Ritsuko shook her head and, as she went back to examining her papers, her expression turned dead serious.  
  
"Oh, by the way, you got a message from the US Department of Foreign Affairs."  
  
"What?" Misato raised an eyebrow in surprise, erasing her smile. "What for?"  
  
"Well, it's actually a message from the Commander that contains a document from Foreign Affairs." Ritsuko reached through her papers and produced an envelope marked with the words: 'United States of America, Department of Foreign Affairs, Tokyo-2.'  
  
Misato opened the envelope is a haste, wondering what the content was. She pulled out a document from the interior, read it and, as she did, her eyes went wide with shock.  
  
"No!"  
  
Misato read the document again.  
  
"God…this…can't be!"  
  
"Of course it can." Ritsuko said, ignored her friend's reaction to the message. "It's already on its way. The Americans want someone to take the delivery in person, so you just earned a trip to New Yokozuka."  
  
"But…I can't go, not now." Misato began shaking her head. "What about Shinji? I can't leave him."  
  
"You'll have to go. This is part of your job. Great pains have been taken in order for this arrangement to be made." Ritsuko said.  
  
"Wait, do you mean this has been going on for a while?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And I was not informed?" Misato replied, as the anger began to grow. "Why the hell are decisions like this kept secret from me? I'm the bloody Director of Operations!"  
  
"You have no say in this. Just see your orders through."  
  
"What is the point of bringing it here? We have no pilot for it."  
  
"Our intelligence friends are taking care of that."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Yokozuka?" Shinji said slowly, as if to allow the words to sink in. "But…why?"  
  
"Business. I leave tomorrow. That's all I can really said."  
  
"But…"  
  
"It's only for four days." Misato said, gazed directly into Shinji's eyes. She wished she could tell him what was happening, but she knew that he would not take it well. "You can stay by yourself."  
  
"O-OK…I guess." The boy said, hesitating.  
  
Shinji really did not want to be alone, especially since the incident in Unit 01 where he had felt the Angel's voice whispering in the back of his mind. The loneliness brought the voices and the images back. It also brought back Rei's words.  
  
'I am like him.'  
  
"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Misato asked. Her voice was full of concern.  
  
"Y-yes. I'll be…fine." Shinji whispered, taking his eyes of the Major and staring at the floor.  
  
"Sure you will. You are a big boy, Shinji-kun." Misato smiled. A grin displayed more for Shinji's benefit than for any other reason. "Tell you what…when I get back, I'll take you out to dinner."  
  
"A-ah, thanks." Shinji hesitated, uncertain about what to say.  
  
"Just don't go having wild parties while I'm gone, OK."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Who am I?"  
  
Rei Ayanami looked at her reflection on the mirror set above her nightstand. Ever since the battle she had been unable to get that question out of her head. It was as if the Angel had touched on a very sensitive part of her soul, a touch that awakened a strange sense of alienation. Rei felt unwelcome, something that was not unusual, but what was unusual was that now it was important for her to be taken into the human race. She knew such a thing was impossible, for she would never understand the complexities of humanity.  
  
And the one person Rei thought could help her deal with these feelings had not talked to her since she saw him in the hospital.  
  
"Ikari-kun, who am I?"  
  
Even though they met each other on the way to school everyday, the Third Child was not his usual self. He used to talk to her, he sometimes even came to visit her after school, but now it was as if he was trying to keep his distance.  
  
'Who are you?'  
  
'I am a seeker.' The thing had answered.  
  
Rei could feel the words trickling through her mind.  
  
'What do you seek?'  
  
'Understanding.'  
  
'Of what?' Rei had asked.  
  
For a second, Rei felt as if she were, once again, back in her Eva, or rather back in the deserted LCL Ocean that was her mind.  
  
'Of you, your world, your existence, your pain.'  
  
'No.'  
  
'Why not?'  
  
Rei shook her head, as if snapping from a trance. She locked eyes with her reflection.  
  
"My pain is not like the pain of others." Rei said to herself. "Their pain is human."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Major Katsuragi has gone to meet the Americans." Sub-Commander Fuyutzuki said, as he entered his superior's office. "It has been confirmed by Section 2."  
  
"Good." Ikari said. He leaned forward over his desk. "Did she protest?"  
  
"You know she did."  
  
"I am amazed she has come this far. With the kind of things she must've found while snooping, you would think she might have tried something by now."  
  
"It is not in her character." Fuyutzuki said. "She had a very interesting talk with Dr. Akagi a few weeks ago. I believe she mentioned something about loyalty."  
  
Ikari nodded.  
  
"Loyalty never dies."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"What about the other matter?" Ikari inquired.  
  
"The Russians took care of it, already. They did a pretty good job, considering that Marduk was completely ignored."  
  
"Marduk has been contaminated. We can not risk another incident." Ikari replied. "They must have had a candidate already."  
  
"The Second Department of the Russian First Directorate provided six names for which the core can be adapted… within ten hours." Fuyutzuki added. "I didn't think it would be possible, considering that they were only given the information on the American unit three days ago."  
  
"First Directorate?"  
  
"I thought it was strange too. It seems that for them, the matter is more important than we thought."  
  
"If that's the case, then the candidate is probably useful." Ikari said, interlacing his hands in front of his face, like he always did. "I won't demand much more from them. All I need is something to put into the American Evangelion."  
  
"Do you think it'll work?" Fuyutzuki added.  
  
"This time there will be a human soul in the Eva, not a dummy." Ikari said. "And MAGI will get a chance to analyze all the data."  
  
"Thus giving us the answers we need."  
  
"Correct, my friend." Ikari said. "Now as far as our own dummy goes, I am concerned for the lack of progress. If we can not re-create it, then I'll have to use Rei."  
  
"When are you planning to tell her?"  
  
"I believe that she knows already. Maybe not consciously, but she knows." Ikari said. "I'm questioning the necessity of the dummy. The main reason I had was to use it instead of Rei and eliminate the human factor. But Rei has Lilith's soul still in her. The dummy was to be the receptacle for that soul in case something happened to Rei, but since I have no further intention of putting her in the line of fire…it seems like a waste."  
  
Fuyutzuki nodded.  
  
"True enough."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Asuka tapped her toes impatiently on the deck. She had been waiting for Rei to show up, fully dressed in her red plug-suit, for more than an hour. That was one of the things that annoyed her. Asuka had just heard that Misato had left on an assignment, something that made her angrier. She had hoped to get Misato to move her things back to the apartment ASAP, but now she would have to find a way to do that on her own.  
  
That was Asuka's most pressing issue at the moment.  
  
"Hello, Asuka." Ritsuko Akagi entered the deck, followed by a squad of technicians who went to work on the simulator plugs located along the wall.  
  
"Hi, Dr. Akagi." The German redhead turned and smiled at the doctor, in an effort to hide her anger. "Where is Rei?"  
  
"Rei wont be able to make it." Ritsuko replied.  
  
"Who had the stupid idea for this in the first place?" Asuka asked, rather sarcastically.  
  
"It's just part of the test schedule, but since Rei is not coming, we have changed plans." Ritsuko said. "You'll have to do this on your own."  
  
Asuka folded her arms.  
  
"No kidding." She said. "So what is this going to be for, then?"  
  
"We are going to analyze your brain signal."  
  
"My brain signal?" Asuka raised an eyebrow. "What for?"  
  
"It's just a test, Asuka. No big deal." Ritsuko said as she turned to look at the techs. They had opened the number 00 simulator plug, and were connecting the consoles to some kind of computer terminals.  
  
"Ah…Dr. Akagi?"  
  
"Yes, Asuka?"  
  
"When is Misato due back?" Asuka asked, feeling awkward.  
  
"Four days." The doctor replied.  
  
"Could I ask you for a favor, Doctor?"  
  
Ritsuko looked at Asuka with curiosity. She could not avoid thinking about the fact that the redhead never asked for favors of any kind. Asuka was feeling uncomfortable, Ritsuko could tell. The girl had taken her eyes of the doctor and was concentrating on staring at the floor.  
  
"What do you need, Asuka?"  
  
The redhead told her what it was that she wanted, whispering softly so that only the two of them could hear.  
  
Ritsuko nodded.  
  
"I'll see what I can do."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"No problem." Ritsuko said. "Now get to your plug. We are about to start."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
He was alone, and not just in the physical sense. It was a primordial type of loneliness, as if his soul was all that existed in the universe. Shinji Ikari lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling, like he had done for most of the night. He wanted to call her, to talk to her, but couldn't face the consequences of her temper.  
  
Why does she have to be so mean to me? He wondered.  
  
Shinji remembered seeing Unit 02 wrap its arm around the Angel's neck. He remembered it pulling the thing away from him. Asuka's words echoed in the back of his mind.  
  
'Get away from him! I won't let you hurt him anymore!' Asuka had said, probably not knowing that he had the communications active in his plug, and could, thus, hear her, just as he heard Misato pleading with her to help him. Shinji could not stop wondering if it was concern what he hear in her words.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Shinji closed his eyes, and the figure of Asuka popped into his mind. It was an image of the second he told her he had tried to protect her out of caring. The German redhead had been surprised, to say the least. He could tell that she had not expected him to say such a thing.  
  
Shinji wished that he could burn the image into his brain so he would never forget it: Asuka standing there, with that strange look in her eyes, almost naïve. He knew at that moment that he had hit the target. The words were not just words anymore. They were something else, something deeper.  
  
The Third Child rolled onto his side, and waited for the oblivion of sleep to embrace him, but for some reason it didn't. His S-dat reached the final track, which happened to be a violin rendition of J. S. Bach's 'Air in G'. As the distinctly melancholic piece began playing, Shinji could not prevent the thought of Ayanami surfacing on his mind's eye.  
  
'Humans are individuals. They think for themselves and live for themselves. I don't. My thoughts are not mine. My memories are not mine. They are all reflections of her…the Rei Ayanami that doesn't exist.' Rei had said that day at the hospital. He really ignored what to say to make her feel better.  
  
'He told me that I was like him.'  
  
It was at that moment that he noticed something that scared him.  
  
'You mean…'  
  
The red eyes stared at him.  
  
'That boy, the one you killed: Nagisa Kaoru.'  
  
"But…" Shinji whispered to himself. "…He was an Angel."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"I wonder what's going on." Kensuke said, sitting atop his desk and looking at the empty classroom. Shinji sat next to him and aside from the two of them there was only Rei, sitting by the window and Keiko, sitting on her chair, with her head down on her desk, as if sleeping.  
  
"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, not really interested in what the answer was.  
  
"It's like junior high students are on the way to extinction. Even Hikari is not here. Ever since our old school got blown up, people have just been dropping out like the world's ending…" Kensuke began, but immediately noticed that Shinji was not paying attention. "Yo, Shinji, are you all right?"  
  
"Uh…?" Shinji merely raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Man, I think all those Eva incidents are taking their toll on your head." Kensuke said.  
  
"I'm fine, Kensuke." Shinji replied, looking over his shoulder to where Rei sat. She was looking at something outside the window, like always.  
  
Rei sighed awkwardly and shifted her gaze to Shinji, their eyes met for a single second and the boy looked away.  
  
"You don't seem fine." Kensuke pointed out.  
  
"Trust me, I'm fine." Shinji said. "It's just that…it feels strange."  
  
"What?" Kensuke inquired, more than a little interested.  
  
"Everyday life, I guess." Shinji said, not really sure of what he wanted to say. "It's strange."  
  
"Ok, now you are scaring me."  
  
There was no reply from the Third Child.  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"Man is essentially a single soul." Gendo Ikari said, not noticing that Rei Ayanami was staring. "But Man is also an individual, and thus Man lives isolated from other souls. The AT Field keeps the individuals whole, without it, we cannot exist as separate entities. If the AT Field is removed, Man's body ceases to be and the souls become one with each other."  
  
Rei stood, naked, in the bowels of Terminal Dogma. Her pale flesh gleamed like the flesh of the monster that was nailed to the huge cross right behind her and her face appeared as emotionless as the mask on the creature. The only sign that she was alive, and not a statue or some Machiavellian sculpture, was her eyes.  
  
"Your AT Field has begun to collapse." Ikari continued. "Your sense of individuality will soon be lost, and that is the way it's supposed to be."  
  
"Why?" The albino girl whispered.  
  
"Because that is your purpose." Ikari answered. "You were created to bring Man together in a final act of complementation. I made you the tool for Man's ascent by giving you Lilith's soul."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"You don't have to." Ikari said. He walked closer to her and, as he did so, Rei saw that he was holding something in his hand. "Sometimes, understanding doesn't solve anything."  
  
Ikari came to stand only inches away from Rei, so close, in fact, that the albino had to look up in order to lock eyes with him. He reached up with his hand and Rei shifted her gaze to see what he was holding.  
  
Rei felt Goosebumps running over her skin as soon as she saw the thing. It was some kind of embryo.  
  
"This is Adam." Ikari said, matter-of-factly. "This is what the Angels were looking for."  
  
"Adam?"  
  
"But since Eva was born from Adam, she is subjugated to him. Adam takes precedence over everything else…except two things: Eva's soul and Lilith."  
  
"A soul…in Eva?"  
  
"Every Eva has a soul that's been salvaged from a human being. Adam cannot command these unless the souls hide themselves, but Lilith can control them, for humanity's soul is her creation, much like the Angels are Adam's. However, Lilith's control ends with Man's will to be an individual-the AT Field, so her power is limited only to the soul once it has been freed of the body. For Lilith to bring humanity to her, the AT Field must be removed."  
  
"Remove the AT Field?"  
  
"Adam can neutralize the AT Field long enough for Lilith to take over." Ikari replied. "But Adam is an embryo."  
  
Rei just stared mutely at him.  
  
"I need a vessel for Adam." Ikari finally said. "Your body was created with both human DNA and Adam's, but your soul is Lilith's."  
  
"Born from Adam?"  
  
"Like the Angels." Ikari said. He reached down with his hand, the one holding Adam, and pressed it against Rei's stomach. The albino felt a strange sensation, and a soft light flashed before her eyes. Ikari gazed into her eyes. "This is your AT Field. It's collapsing."  
  
"My…AT Field?" Rei did not know what was happening. It was awkward, alien, but not painful or uncomfortable.  
  
The light was gone. As soon as the embryo came in direct contact with her flesh it was absorbed. Rei did not feel pain.  
  
Pain.  
  
Rei closed her eyes and there was only darkness.  
  
PAIN!!!  
  
'Do you feel this pain?' A voice whispered in the dark.  
  
'What is this pain?'  
  
'Hopelessness.' The voice replied.  
  
Rei's eyes shot open in a violent motion. At first she ignored where she was, but as she began to take in her surrounding Rei realized that she was laying on her bed, in her darkened apartment. She stared, blankly, at the ceiling, as if her body had awakened without a mind.  
  
"Was it…a dream?" Rei whispered to herself, and sat up. She reached down with a hand and pressed it against the skin where Gendo Ikari had placed the embryo. Her hands were cold, but other than that, she didn't feel anything.  
  
"A dream?"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
"The way the situation has evolved is deeply troubling to this committee." SEELE 01 said. His voice echoed across the dark caver-like room where all the members of SEELE had assembled. "It was part of your responsibilities to keep Ikari in check."  
  
The man that stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by the SEELE monoliths, shook his head.  
  
"I have told this committee that my influence over the Japanese government is limited to a role of advisor. Sadly, there is not much I can advice on when my agents are completely clueless."  
  
"We have discussed that matter in the past." SEELE 02 said.  
  
"Please, let me remove Nakayima." The man said. "He is useless to me."  
  
"The request for his appointment came from one of the members of this assembly, whose opinions outweighs yours." SEELE 03 said.  
  
"I know that, but you must see this from a logic perspective." The man said, still shaking his head. "Nakayima is dead weigh. He is not helping, thus he must be removed."  
  
"We will not discuss this further." SEELE 07 said. "We have better things to do with our time, Mr. Kluge."  
  
"As you wish." Musashi Kluge said. He was not happy with the fact that SEELE seemed to always ignore reason. They did not seek an opinion from him, nor did they want excuses, but Kluge could not understand how he was supposed to make good on his responsibilities to them, Japan, the UN and himself without the freedom of action he had constantly requested from the committee.  
  
"What do you know about the situation with Russia?" SEELE 10 inquired. Kluge was pretty sure that they already knew all the answers.  
  
"Not much. They have had contact with Ikari, but we can't assume anything. I think America should be the main concern." Kluge said. He wished that the headache, or rather the cause for it, would just go away.  
  
"America acts out of fear." SEELE 12 said.  
  
"They fear the Evangelion for the monster it is." SEELE 03 commented. "They have had bad experiences in the past."  
  
"In hindsight we should have never allowed them to build a Mass Production." SEELE 02 said. "However, America is one of the few nations capable of affording the construction of Eva units from its own pockets."  
  
"So is Russia." SEELE 05 said. "But Russia is not afraid, she is defiant."  
  
"This committee made a mistake in allowing Ikari time and room to maneuver, but it was all waiting for the proper politics to be put in place." SEELE 02 said.  
  
"That mistake will not be repeated." SEELE 01 said.  
  
"Politics will not interfere with our agenda." SEELE 03 said.  
  
"Neither will you." SEELE 05 said.  
  
"I understand." Kluge nodded, turning towards the monolith identified as SEELE 01. "What am I to do, then?"  
  
"Take care of your normal affairs." SEELE 01 replied. "We will contact you when are ready to proceed."  
  
"Am I to order my people to stand down, then?" Kluge asked. He felt that the question was quite pointless.  
  
"Yes. The decision to destroy Man's pagan god will be handed down from us in due time." SEELE 04 said.  
  
"We are through with you, Mr. Kluge. Feel free to take your leave." SEELE 01 said. It was an order more than a statement.  
  
SEELE 01 waited for the man to leave before speaking again.  
  
"Ikari has made a move to disturb the order of things."  
  
"By strong-arming the Americans into relinquishing Unit 08, he believes to have altered the balance of power." SEELE 04 said.  
  
"He knows that the Eva Series is our way to control Instrumentality." SEELE 07 said. "He believes he can unsettle us by doing this."  
  
"The secondary plan has been put in place as requested by the assembly." SEELE 11 said.  
  
"The construction will begin on schedule." SEELE 01 announced. "We shan't concern ourselves with the loss of Unit 08."  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
Shinji Ikari got home late, since he had 'class-duty' and felt like doing nothing more than getting a warm meal and listening to his S-dat. As soon as he entered the apartment he noticed that something was going on. He could hear the shower running.  
  
Of course, the first thought that went through his head was that Misato must be back, but it seemed odd since she said she was gonna be back in four days.  
  
"I'm home, Misato-san." Shinji said, deciding that something must have happened for Misato to be back. He was just glad that he wouldn't have to spend all that time alone.  
  
Shinji dumped his school bag, and went to make dinner for two, knowing that Misato would like to have a home-cooked meal. As he was leaving the kitchen, he noticed a strange sound coming from behind him. Shinji turned to look towards the noise. It was then that he saw the bird standing on the threshold.  
  
"Kwark!"  
  
"Pen-pen?" Shinji smiled almost instantly. He had a feeling that if the bird could mimic the gesture, he would have done it.  
  
"Kwark."  
  
Pen-pen covered the distance between him and Shinji with a most un-penguin like speed. The boy knelt down to wrap his arms around the bird, as if he were a pillow. Pen-pen tried to do the same with his flippers.  
  
"Hello, Pen-pen. Nice to see you!" Shinji could barely contain the tears of joy he felt. It was then that he realized something. "But, how did you get here? Did Misato bring you home?"  
  
"No." A voice he knew all too well called out from behind him. "I did."  
  
Shinji brought his gaze towards the voice, just in time to see Asuka stepping out of the bathroom. Seeing the German redhead standing there was like having a bucket of cold water thrown on him. He found it impossible to look away.  
  
Asuka stood there, wearing a flowing, white dress made up of a single piece, with a knee length skirt, a snug waist that fit the redhead's slender form perfectly and thin straps on the shoulders. To Shinji, it was like the vision of a red-haired angel -the good kind. He didn't know what to say or think, but one thing was certain, she looked absolutely radiant. Even Pen-pen stopped to look, but since he had not interest in this, he turned back to Shinji.  
  
"Well…" Asuka began, smiling slightly. Her blue eyes beamed as she took hold of the skirt and spun around, in her best imitation of a fashion model. "Hikari gave it to me. What do you think?"  
  
Shinji had no idea of what to say  
  
"Asuka…" Shinji straightened himself up, leaving the penguin to wrap his flippers around his leg.  
  
"I normally don't wear things like this, but you have to admit, it fits me rather nicely." Asuka said, locking eyes with the boy from behind her mane of red hair.  
  
"Asuka…why are you…here?"  
  
The German girl's features turned serious, the smile vanished.  
  
She looked deep inside herself to find an answer.  
  
"This…is my home." Asuka said, simply. "I took care of everything. Dr. Akagi will have my things transferred back here from Hikari's place. I asked Misato but she went out of town before anything could be arranged."  
  
"Asuka…" Shinji tried to say something, but the redhead cut him short.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, Hikari's got a very nice place, but…it was not the same. I…felt lonely."  
  
"You too…Asuka?" That was all Shinji come up with.  
  
"You might be baka-Shinji, but…you are good company."  
  
Shinji blinked, puzzled.  
  
"T-thank you, Asuka. You…are good company too."  
  
Asuka, slowly, walked over to Shinji. She got as close as she could without stepping over Pen-pen, who was still holding on to the boy. The penguin readily moved aside, as the redhead came to stand right in front of the Third Child.  
  
"I…am sorry, Asuka." Shinji hesitated, ignoring if she would yell at him like she always did. "I'm glad that you are back."  
  
The smile returned to Asuka's face.  
  
"I'm glad to be back, baka." She said, leaning forward so she could whisper in his ear. Shinji could feel her movements, smell her hair and hear his own heart pumping nervously in his chest. This was not a dream, he knew. Asuka was real and he was not alone anymore.  
  
"Are you still lonely?" Shinji asked, smiling weakly.  
  
A million things went through Asuka's head.  
  
What are you doing? A voice inside the girl screamed.  
  
"No." Asuka replied, gently resting her head on Shinji's shoulder. "Do you still care?"  
  
"I…do." Shinji answered. His arms moved to grab Asuka's waist, almost instinctively, and pulled her closer to him. The redhead felt strange, not like anything she'd felt before. She knew she should feel anger towards him. She should've moved away, insulted him and slapped him for touching her like this, but it felt so…comfortable. Asuka welcomed his touch. It was as if it were a validation of this reality, a gesture not of sympathy from someone looking down on her, but of compassion from the one person who could possibly understand her pain.  
  
"I hate…feeling this way, but…thank you for caring." Asuka whispered.  
  
Shinji did not know what else to say, so he said nothing and neither did Asuka. They just held each other quietly, knowing that, even though the pain would never go away, they wouldn't face it alone anymore. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Shinji Ikari allowed someone to break through his wall of Jericho.  
  
After a short while, Pen-pen, deciding that he was no longer interested in the two roommates and sensing the aroma of hot food, headed to the kitchen.  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
  
  
X  
  
  
  
To be continued/edited: 


	8. Empathy

****   
'K, time for the notes: let's see, this is the Beta edition of Chapter 08, but there will be no major changes (once the spelling and grammer have been dealt with). Thanks go to Weltall Elite, Joedoebell, Alnilam, Rev'd, BMgang and Shin for all the colaboration. The Genocide re-write is almost done, so what's here is what'll go inot the final version.   
**** ****

**Evangelion Genocide******

**By: Rommel**   
  
  


Asuka sat in the bathtub, with the hot water up to her chest and her head bowed so that she was staring at the water between her legs. She focused her eyes on the ripples caused by her movements, like small tidal waves. Even though she enjoyed the feeling of warmth, Asuka found it impossible to relax. She lifted her head and gazed at the space around her. The air was clouded with the steam that emanated from the bath, and the scent of the soap filtered through her senses. She wanted to give in to the pleasant sensations, but her mind raced. 

_How could you let him?_

Asuka remembered Shinji's touch. The boy had wrapped his arms around her hips and pulled her closer to him. She had wanted to shout at him, to hit him, and to perform other acts of violence against his persona, but a part of her had wanted it to go on forever. Asuka couldn't believe that she was letting him touch her like this. She had never let anyone this close to her and Shinji had talked to her in a tone she would describe as sympathetic, but she hadn't cared. 

_How could you?_

She had opened up to him, told him she was lonely, and thanked him for caring. 

She had let him touch her…like no one had touched her before. 

_Why?_

Asuka tried to come up with answer to that question, but found it impossible. There were too many things in her head. She wanted to be left alone, but at the same time feared the loneliness, she wanted to push him away, but couldn't find the strength to. Asuka realized just how weak she had become. The comfort had overwhelmed her and she couldn't move away. 

_Are you so desperate for contact?_ Asuka asked herself. _So desperate that you would let him come near you? What if he hadn't stopped? Would you have had the courage to make him stop? Would you have forced yourself on him, or would you have allowed him to continue?_

Asuka felt nauseous. 

_Are you that afraid of being alone?_ She took a deep breath. _Are you afraid that he will hurt you? And, if you are afraid of being hurt, then why do you let him near you?_

The German girl leaned back on the bathtub, and stared at the ceiling only with half-open eyes. 

"I hate this feeling."   


X   


**"The life of every individual is really always a tragedy but gone through in detail, it has the character of a comedy."** **-Arthur Schopenhauer** ****

  
****

**Genocide 0:8******

**Empathy**   


X   


"The Eva Series was created with the purpose of controlling Instrumentality." SEELE 01 began. "But Ikari has attempted to use it as the means for our downfall." 

"He believes that he can disturb the balance we have crafted." SEELE 09 said. "By taking one of our Eva Series into his lair." 

"He must think we are fools." SEELE 02 said. "He must think we have taken no steps to correct this problem." 

"The construction of an extra unit had been initiated." SEELE 08 said. 

"This committee is above the trivialities of the human world." SEELE 07 said. "We could created dozens of Evangelions if we wished." 

"Ikari must know that his superiority will not go unchallenged for long." SEELE 01 said. 

"We have been patient for so long." SEELE 05 said. "The temporary setbacks are of no concern. In the end, we will overcome." 

"In the end, Gendo Ikari will have nothing, but death." SEELE 01 said.   


X   


New Yokozuka was a hub of chaotic activity, like any modern seaport has a right to. The American fleet carrying and escorting Unit 08 had been docked for almost three days and workers had been doing 12 hour shifts in order to get all the equipment unleaded within the time allotted. The Evangelion in question had already been brought onto land, and was been prepared for transport via one of NERV's specially designed trains, but there was still much cargo to be unpacked. 

Americans, Misato had decided, had a natural talent for doing things the wrong way the first time around, and thus ended up doing them two and three times, since everything had to be double, and even triple, checked and the fact that most of the people working at the docks were soldiers and Third Branch personnel brought from America didn't help either. Most of them didn't even understand Japanese. The few English-speaking NERV officers were reduced to traffic cops in an effort to sort out the confusion that is normal on a busy pier. 

Misato had been working almost non-stop for the last few days and was thankful that the unloading operation was almost over. She was just outside the bridge of one of the American destroyers, which had been deemed as the Central Command by the U.S. officers, leaning on the rail and watching the confusion around the docks, and she was not the only one. The man that stood besides her was an American, the person in charge of all the non-military workers. 

"What a mess." Dr. Mitchell Salgado, a Seventh Branch Analyst, said, shaking his head. "It looked a lot better when we were planning it." 

"It always does." Misato replied. "Trust me, I know about these kind of things." 

"I don't doubt that you do." 

Salgado was an American citizen of Spanish ancestry and, like Misato herself, had joined NERV in Germany, but since he failed the military training that is necessary in order to take a place in NERV's Command Structure, his role was limited to an analyst for the Massachusetts's Branch. This included politics and foreign relations, which was why he had been selected for the operation. 

"At least we are within schedule." Misato said. "That is something to be thankful for." 

The Major was not in particularly good mood, but she did her best to hide her sense of annoyance. She didn't want to be here when there were so many things she had to take care of in Tokyo-3. She hadn't even been able to call Shinji and check on Asuka. Misato wondered what had been going on since her departure. 

"That and the fact that we are not being harassed by the media." The American agent said. "I guess we should give thanks for small miracles." 

"Americans are really obsessed with the media, aren't they?" Misato asked sarcastically. 

"You'd be amazed how it is in America, specially with the new administration." Salgado said. "If you ask me, the media is like a leash to keep the people in check. Trivial news, like the President getting a new cat, make the front page, while important stuff gets relegated…if they talk about it at all." 

"All politics." Misato said, turning to face the American. "Which reminds me, have our buddies from the Japanese Government showed up?" 

"No." Salgado answered. "They have ignored repeated attempts on our part to come into contact with them." 

"They want to cause problems." Misato said. "I should have asked the Commander to allow me to drag Nakayima out here and save ourselves the trouble." 

"That wouldn't have helped." Salgado pointed out. "The last I heard from the Foreign Office, Agent Nakayima no longer had any authority in these matters." 

Misato narrowed her eyes. 

"I haven't heard anything on that issue." 

"Well, the Office was worried about that. Nakayima's position is pretty important when it comes to the relation between NERV and the Japanese Government. I believe a report was submitted to the Head of the Personnel Bureau suggesting his removal." 

"I don't see why that would be any of their business." 

"The U.S. is shipping an Evangelion, at an incredible cost, to Japan and they need the approval of the Japanese in order for it to be submitted to the custody of Special Agency NERV, thus the liaison between the Japanese and NERV is a concern to the operation and the Office." 

"So if Nakayima doesn't have the authority, who does?" Misato asked. 

"I don't know." Salgado replied. "We were told to expect someone."   


X   


Asuka finished mopping the classroom floor and stood proudly, mop in hand, as if she had just emerged victorious from a battle. 

"There." She proclaimed, turning to face the girl who was sitting on top of the teacher's desk. "That's done, now all we have to do is wait for the stooges to get the water for the windows." 

Keiko Nagara smiled at the redhead. 

"That was fast." 

"Well, I don't want to get stuck here for the rest of the afternoon." Asuka replied, wiping sweat from her brow with a forearm. 

"Me neither." Keiko said, nodding animatedly. "It looks like we'll be out of here in no time." 

Asuka set the mop in a corner and, after telling Keiko to move over, sat besides the girl on the desk, which was the only place to sit since all the chairs had been turned over on top of the desks and these had been moved to the sides. 

"If only those stupid stooges would hurry up." Asuka hissed. "Why can't boys do anything quick?" 

Keiko shrugged. 

"And where did Hikari said she was going?" The redhead asked. 

"To get food." Keiko answered. "We ate our lunches already, remember." 

"Right." Asuka nodded. "There's nothing worse than working on an empty stomach." 

The brunette nodded her agreement. 

The two girls fell silent. Keiko couldn't find anything else to talk about, so she would rather not make any more comments and Asuka was not interested in talking about trivial things, anyway. The redhead had wanted to skip school today, but she decided against it because she knew that if she had stayed home, she wouldn't have been able to get the thought of what had happened between her and Shinji out of her head. At least in school she would have things to keep her busy. 

After a while, Keiko finally broke the silence. 

"A-Asuka?" 

"What?" 

"Can I ask you a question?" Keiko inquired hesitantly. 

"As long as it's not a stupid one." 

"I don't think it is." Keiko hesitated. "H-how does it feel to pilot one of those Evangelions?" 

Asuka didn't answer right away. She had no idea of what to say and she would certainly not open up to this girl whom she didn't even know, but the question touched something deep inside her. She reacted in the only way she knew how. 

"It's none of your business." 

"Sorry." Keiko looked away. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." 

"Bah!" Asuka narrowed her eyes. You sound just like Shinji 

"H-how so?" 

"The baka is always apologizing you everything." Asuka said. "I hate that." 

Keiko decided to shut up. 

A few moments later, Shinji and Kensuke entered the classroom carrying two pairs of buckets full of water. 

"We are back." Kensuke said, as he placed his cargo just inside the door. 

Shinji did the same thing, grunting as the stress the heavy buckets placed on his muscles disappeared slowly. 

"About time." Asuka said. "Do the windows." 

"Hey, you can't give orders to us!" Kensuke retorted. "Tell her, Shinji." 

The Third Child knew what was best for him, so he said nothing. 

"See?" Asuka declared. "When Hikari is not here, I'm in charge. Now, we did the mopping, you do the windows." 

"But we also got the water, moved the chairs…" Kensuke began, but Asuka cut him short. 

"Get going, Aida!" The redhead ordered, much like a drill sergeant. "I want to get the hell out of here before the sun sets!"   


X   


"The information in the Angel's Dummy Plug is corrupted beyond repair." Ritsuko commented, as Gendo Ikari leaned closer to the armored glass. 

"It's irrelevant. As long we can confirm the mutation of the code, we do not need anything else." The Commander said. 

"The code did mutate." Ritsuko said. "The Angel was not Unit-A, but the programming that made it work." 

"Which confirms part of the theory." Ikari said. "It's the code that creates the Angels, as I had expected." 

"Not the code." Ritsuko corrected. "A corrupt version of the code." 

"So there is no danger in the portion we used for Unit 02's start-up program?" 

"There is danger." Ritsuko replied. "We are already seeing discrepancies in the signals and the thought patter is too complex for a human mind. The Second Child will only be able to take it for a limited period of time." 

"That is all I need." Ikari said. "But the code in Unit 02 must remain pure." 

"It might prove difficult if an Angel comes into contact with Unit 02." Ritsuko said. "We have established a very delicate balance between the pilot and the Eva and any discrepancy could be disastrous." 

"I know." Ikari said. "Exposure is a risk we will have to take." 

"Do you still wish me to finish the new dummy?" 

"No." Ikari replied. "I will use Rei. She has already got Adam." 

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow. 

"You gave it to her?" 

"Yes." 

"Is that wise?" 

"I will need her to be ready at a moments notice." Ikari said. "Since we can't predict what will happen next." 

"True enough."   


X   


Shinji was doing his homework on the dinner table, not because he was interested in it, but because he wanted something to keep his mind busy. Asuka was laying in the living room, sprawled on her stomach and watching TV. The Third Child tried to concentrate on what he was doing, but every few seconds his gaze would rise from the book he was reading and it would always land on the prone redhead. Shinji struggled not to think of what had happened the night Asuka had come back, mostly because he couldn't believe he had gathered enough courage to do what he did. True, he had just touched her hips, but the way she reacted had been completely different to what he expected. 

For the first time, he had seen her soft side. She hadn't screamed at him, or insulted him like before, but had allowed him to hold her and he had enjoyed it. Shinji knew he shouldn't be thinking of these things, but it was impossible not to. Asuka was always so distant, but that night she had been there for him. She had been honest and open and…she thanked him. 

Shinji couldn't look away from the redhead and soon gave up on doing any homework. He found himself staring at her, as if his gaze were drawn to her form by some invisible force. Asuka rested in front of the TV screen, supporting her head on her hands and elbows, and swinging her feet back and forth, in a manner that reminded Shinji of a small girl. 

"Shinji?" Suddenly, Asuka called out, but she didn't turn to look at him. 

The boy focused his eyes on the mane of golden-red hair nested between the girl's shoulders. He stared at the exact point where her eyes would've been had she turned. 

"How does it feel when you pilot your Eva?" Asuka asked, softly. 

Shinji hesitated to answer, since he didn't want to say the wrong thing, but his silence bothered the German girl. 

"Well?" Asuka demanded. "I asked you a question." 

"It's…" Shinji didn't know how to explain it. "…Nice." 

"Nice?" Asuka repeated. "What does that mean?" 

"When I'm in the Eva, I feel safe." The boy began. "It's comfortable, like being in a mother's embrace." 

"A mother's embrace?" The German girl inquired, though it was not really a question. She turned her head to fix her eyes on his, but Shinji quickly looked away. "Is that how it feels for you?" 

"Yes." Shinji said. "D-don't you feel the same way when you are in yours?" 

Now it was Asuka's turn to look away. 

"I used to." She whispered. "Not anymore." 

"S-so, if it doesn't feel good, what does it feel like?" 

Asuka knew she shouldn't answer that question, simply because he wouldn't understand. She felt odd talking about these things to him, but a part of her wanted it. She wanted to relate to him, even if it meant sharing her pain. 

_Why are you doing it?_

"It feels…" The German girl tried to find the right word. "…Empty." 

"Empty?" 

"I used to feel comfortable, like you said. It was pleasant and warm, but now…it's empty. It's a if there were something missing." 

Asuka wondered why she was saying these things. She shouldn't be doing this. She should have kept her emotions and thoughts to herself. She should have pushed him away. 

"When I'm in Unit 02, I feel…alone." 

"I've never felt alone in the Eva. There has always been something there with me, something that protected me. It's strange." Shinji said. "It feels like…mother." 

"Like 'your' mother?" Asuka said, sarcastically, as she turned back to the TV. "You are such a child."   


X   


Keiko Nagara lived in an apartment on Tokyo-3's eastern suburbs, which she shared with her guardian. The place was a two-bedroom flat with a small kitchen and living room and, even though it was rather small, she liked it. 

The brunette girl fixed herself some dinner and did her homework. Her guardian had left her a note saying that she would be coming home tonight, so Keiko would have the place for herself. She had grown used to her guardian's odd schedule and was no longer bothered by it, just as she was no bothered by the fact that her guardian never cooked and always left her a note saying: 'get take out'. At first that had been annoying, but now it didn't matter. 

She showered and changed clothes before doing her daily chores. She tidied up the place, took out the trash and checked the mail. Since she was only one that spent time at the place, it was up to her to sort the collection of letters, catalogues, bills, and assorted junk at came in the mail, even though she never got a letter herself. As she was doing this, Keiko found an envelope addressed to Lt. Miko Mineguno, her guardian, and labeled: To be opened by receiver only. The envelope was also stamped with the NERV fig leave. Keiko played with the idea of opening it, but in the end decided not to. She set the bills on the table, threw out all the junk and left the NERV envelope on her guardian's desk. 

Keiko's room was the smallest of the pair in the apartment. She didn't mind this, since it was cozy and quiet. It was the typical girl teen bedroom with magazines, papers, stuffed animals and other assorted things occupying every inch and, even though the brunette did what she could to try to keep it neat, she place was almost always comparable to a disaster area. 

She lay on her bed and stared at the top of her nightstand, the only place she compulsively kept clean and spotless, where she had set the picture of her mother. 

The old picture had been taken a few years back and showed a woman with long, brunette hair and a lab coat. It was signed 'I love you. Berlin 2010.' 

Keiko took the picture and brought it close to her. She ran a finger over the woman's face and over the signature. 

"I love you too."   


X   


"How is your arm, Nakayima-san?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked out of politeness. 

"It doesn't hurt nearly as much." The Agent replied. 

"That's good to hear." Fuyutsuki said. 

They were on the Sub-Commander's office. The older man sat behind his desk, browsing through his papers, while the Agent stood by the window and stared at the outside. 

"So how are things with the Ministry?" Fuyutsuki asked. 

"Not as good as I would like." Nakayima replied. "I've been relieved of most official duties." 

"Is that so?" 

"Yes. The only reason why I still have a job is because there is no one to fill my position." Nakayima explained. "There is no one stupid, or brave, enough for this job." 

"That works to our advantage." 

"I know it does." Nakayima said. "Though, the limitations placed on me are rather severe. My password no longer works on the Ministry's mainframes." 

"That will prove to be an obstacle. We need information of the kind only you can provide." 

"Don't worry about it, Sub-Commander. I did a full backup of what was in my workstation before they sealed access. I've got most of everything." The Agent said. "Of course, you won't find much information on SEELE. If you tell me what you want to know specifically and provide a hacker, I can use a backdoor and get into the Ministry's system." 

"I will suggest it to the Commander." Fuyutsuki said. "What concerns me is the fact that you do not have any kind of authority in official affairs. Who will be taking over those duties?" 

"Department Chief Kluge." Nakayima answered without missing a beat. "You are very right to be concerned." 

"I know who he is, though I've never met the man." Fuyutsuki said. "Is he likely to cause troubles?" 

"He put a bullet in my shoulder." The Agent said. "And he likes to deal with people 'Beria style'." 

Fuyutsuki sighed. 

"That bad?" 

"I ran background checks on him." Nakayima began. "Through the databases of every respected intelligence agency in the world and ended up with one match. What I've got is in that red folder." 

Fuyutsuki set down the stack of papers he held and reached for the red folder located on the far corner of his desk. He quickly read through the information provided and lifted an eyebrow. 

"Is this reliable?" The Sub-Commander asked.   


X   


"I am worried that the Government has not tried to stop us." Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki announced grimly. "It could be that they are planning something." 

"If they weren't, we wouldn't be so concerned about them." Ikari replied. 

"Nakayima thinks they will cause troubles." 

"I'll keep that in mind." 

They were on the small, private elevator that led to Ikari's office. 

"Was the transfer completed?" The Commander asked. 

Fuyutsuki nodded. 

"Yes, but the schedule was set back a day." 

"That is merely an inconvenience." Ikari said. "What of the other issue?" 

"I have contacted the responsible parties." Fuyutsuki said. "Lieutenant Mineguno is waiting in your office." 

"Good." Ikari said, as the elevator came to a stop. "As soon as Unit 08 gets here, we'll schedule a test."   


X   


Asuka was having lunch on her own, since Shinji was hanging out Kensuke. She didn't mind sitting alone in the courtyard, for there would be no one to bother her and she welcomed spending time with her thoughts. She felt confused with all that had been happening between her and Shinji. The boy was been open with her, just as she was with him. 

_'How does it feel when you pilot your Eva?'_

The redhead couldn't believe she had asked such a personal question. She knew she shouldn't have, but there was something about Shinji that drove her to it. For some reason she left like she could be open with him and that he would understand, but she was sure that by trying to be honest with him, she was bringing him closer. Asuka didn't want that. If she allowed him close to her, he would hurt her. Everyone she had ever let close had done so. 

Shinji Ikari could be no different to everyone else, could he? Asuka wondered. He would hurt her, no matter how hard he tried not to. 

Asuka knew that it was her fault, for she was the one who had moved back with him. She didn't want to feel alone so she had accepted him and his companionship, but was that really all? She couldn't be sure. Asuka had convinced herself that whatever she had begun to feel for him was merely out of her need to escape the loneliness and nothing more. She couldn't feel love, not her, and not for him. He was a boy and she hated boys! 

But, the truth was that she didn't hate him. 

Asuka cared and it was a feeling that went against every fiber of her being. 

The German girl shook her head slowly, in an effort to clear her mind. She hadn't been able to think of anything but Shinji, and of her relation with him. The Third Child was spending more time in her mind than in his Eva. 

"Asuka." Hikari's voice crashed through the redhead's thoughts with the effect of a train. 

Asuka sighed, absentmindedly, and brought her eyes up to look at the two girls, Hikari and Keiko. 

"What is it, Hikari?" 

The freckled girl smiled. 

"Do you mind if we sit with you?" 

"No." 

The two girls sat next to the redhead, placing their lunches on their laps. 

"So what were you doing all by yourself?" Hikari inquired. 

"I was just thinking." Asuka replied. 

"About what?" Keiko asked. 

"It's nothing important." Asuka said. 

"Well, you've been quiet all day." Hikari pointed out. "There must be something important in your mind." 

"It's nothing." Asuka repeated. She was getting annoyed. 

"I bet you've been thinking about a boy." Keiko said teasingly and smiled. She was not being serious, but that fact went unnoticed by Asuka, who was in no mood for this. 

"W-what?" The German girl replied instantly as her defense mechanism kicked in. "No, I haven't!" 

"Come on, so who is it?" Keiko joked. She should have known better than to tease Asuka with something like this, but since they had only known each other for a very short time, she couldn't have. "Is it Shinji? You live together already…" 

Hikari made a quick gesture for the brunette to cut it out, but the girl failed to notice. She was conscious of how Asuka was when it came to her relation with Shinji and it was no joking matter. Regrettably, the Keiko was not aware of that. 

Asuka sprang to her feet before the brunette girl could finish her last sentence and shook her head wildly. 

"Shut up! Shut up! I hate boys! I hate him! Leave me alone!" 

"Asuka…" Hikari tried to jump in and calm her friend, but the redhead was having none of it. 

"Leave me alone!" The redhead screamed at her and ran away. 

Hiraki was in shock and thought about going after Asuka, but she knew she wouldn't be able to say anything. She remained silent, unable to really grasp what had happened. 

"I-I didn't mean it…" Keiko whispered, almost incoherently. "I was joking…I didn't mean it." 

The freckled girl gazed at her friend with a look that said a lot. 

Keiko only met Hikari's eyes for a second, but that was enough for her to get what the Class Rep. was trying to say. 

"I didn't mean it!" She repeated, as if needing to convince herself that it was true.   


X   


Misato had been offered her own private quarter in the train carrying Unit 08 to Tokyo-3, but to accept the offer would mean that she had to waste almost 6 hours in getting to her destination. So she had refused and instead hitched a ride with one of NERV's VTOL ships, which would take her to Tokyo-3 in under 20 minutes. 

She hopped into the cockpit and strapped herself to the seat, being careful not to tangle the assortment of safety belts around her legs. The small cockpit was crowded with instruments, panels and all kinds of switches so she could barely move around without hitting something. 

The pilot ignored her as he went over the ignition procedures, while his hand flicked switches and several assorted controls. 

"What's the ETA?" Misato asked. 

"Twenty-two minutes." The pilot replied, without looking at her. He reached up and pressed the communication's microphone to his throat. "UN-154-4, Yokozuka Central, what's the status of our take-off clearance, over?" 

A few seconds later, the main speakers in the cockpit awoke with a loud voice. 

"Yokozuka Central, UN-154-4, you are clear for take-off, over." 

The pilot nodded. 

"Roger, over and out." The pilot turned to Misato. "You ready, Major?" 

"Yes." Misato replied. "Let's go." 

The aircraft whined as the pilot increased the throttle and, as soon as the vertical thrusters generated enough power for the craft to get off the ground, the airframe began to tremble. The pilot allowed the craft to hover just a few feet over the deck before pushing the throttle to full, and forcing the craft to jump skywards. 

Misato allowed herself to relax as the pilot switched to the horizontal flight mode The events of the last few days had been specially stressing for her and she couldn't wait to get home and check on the children. Having to stay an extra day had bothered her, but there was not much she could do. 

She sank into her chair and closed her eyes. Soon she would be home and that was all that really mattered.   


X   


"You have to talk to her!" Hikari repeated for the third time, as Shinji shook his head. 

"I can't. What am I supposed to say?" 

"Anything!" The Class Rep. was almost yelling. "Just make her feel better!" 

"She'll just…" The Third Child hesitated. "…Scream at me!" 

"You don't know that." 

"Yes, I do." Shinji replied, leaning forward in his chair so he could burry his head in his hands. "She will yell at me and tell me to leave her alone." 

"She's your friend, isn't she?" 

"I…I…yes." 

"So it's your duty, as a friend, to make her feel better." Hikari said. 

"I can't…" 

"You are the only one that can talk to her!" 

The boy shook his head again. 

"No." He said. "She won't listen." 

"At least try!" Hikari was grown annoyed with the boy's attitude. She knew that he had several issues when it came to Asuka, just as Asuka had issues about him, but this was too much. 

"I can't…" Shinji whispered. "You talk to her." 

"It's not the same thing." Hikari replied. "She will listen to you." 

"No, she won't." 

"She listened when you told her you cared, didn't she?" 

Shinji raised his head to look at the girl. Hikari's facial expressions, filled with concern, spoke more than a million words. He knew that she cared for Asuka, though he never realized that she cared this much. To Asuka, Hikari was a confidant, a friend and almost family, but now Hikari was asking him to talk to her about something that she herself couldn't and here he was, trying to run away as usual. 

"Shinji…" Hikari pleaded. "…Please talk to her."   


X   


1st Lieutenant Miko Mineguno had never even met Commander Gendo Ikari, like the many other nameless NERV employees that made their living by making sure the small things worked. She was a technician, assigned to the maintenance of the Evangelions and all pertinent equipment. Since this included the Main Cage, which had been demolished by the last Angel, it meant that lately she seldom had time to do anything, but work. 

"Lt. Mineguno?" Commander Ikari called as he entered his office. 

"Sir?" The blonde Lieutenant replied. She felt a little nervous. 

"We haven't met, have we?" 

"No, sir." Miko replied briskly. 

"That's a shame." Ikari replied. "I presume were not told why you were summoned." 

"No, sir." 

Ikari approached the Lieutenant. 

"There is a matter that requires your immediate intervention." He said. 

"Sir?" Miko raised an eyebrow. "If it's the Cooling Linkage System, we are aware of the problem." 

"This has nothing to do with your usual duties." Ikari pointed out. "My reasons for having you here are much more important." 

Miko nodded. 

"I understand." 

"This is a matter of the utmost priority." Ikari began. "It concerns the safety of NERV, Japan and the Human race."   


X   


When Shinji got home he found Asuka on the balcony, leaning on the concrete rail. Hikari had told him what happened during recess and he had wanted to talk to Asuka then, but she had failed to return to the classroom. He dumped his book bag on the first place he could and headed to the balcony. 

Shinji had no idea what to say, but he had to say something. He had to find a way to make her feel better, even if it meant that she would yell at him. Finally, Shinji had decided to stop running away from her pain. 

Asuka didn't notice when the boy slid open the glass door that led to the balcony. She had been standing here, on the same spot, for hours, looking at the view of the lake and the remaining buildings. She felt the soft wind playing with her hair, as if it were trying to comfort her. 

"Asuka?" Shinji called to her softly. 

"Go away." Asuka whispered back, she didn't even turn. 

"I can't…" The Third Child replied as he mustered all his courage. 

"There is nothing you can do." 

"Don't you want to talk about it?" Shinji said, slowly walking up to the girl, as if afraid he would scare her away. 

"Why would I want to do such a thing?" 

"It would make you feel better." Shinji replied. 

"No it wouldn't." Asuka said. "Talking can't solve my problem and neither can you, so go away." 

"N-no." Shinji leaned on the rail, right next to Asuka. "I can see you are hurting, and…you don't have to go through it alone." 

"I don't want your pity." Asuka replied. 

"It's not pity. I just…want to make you feel better." 

"You can't." Asuka whispered, bowing her head. "No one can." 

"Asuka, please…" The Third Child began. "…Is it…because of me?" 

"No." The redhead said. "It's not you." 

"Please, let me help you." 

Asuka didn't reply to that. She wondered if this was really happening and a million thoughts went through her head. Should she let him near her? Should she open up to him? Shinji was here for her, so should she take his hand and let him see the side of her she would show to one else? 

"I hate feeling like this." Asuka finally said, allowing her head to sink between her shoulders. "I hate not wanting to be alone, I hate wanting for someone to care, I hate thinking about it, I hate thinking about you…" 

"Asuka…" Shinji froze. He didn't know how to react to what she had just said. 

"But…" Asuka continued. "…I can't help it." 

"Y-you think about me?" Shinji hesitated. 

"Yeah." Asuka admitted. "I'm really pathetic, aren't I?" 

"I don't think it's…pathetic." Shinji said. "I think about you too." 

"But there is a difference between you and me." Asuka said. "I promised myself that I would never need anyone, that I would live for myself, that I would never cry. I broke all three of those." 

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Asuka…" Shinji began, but Asuka didn't let him finish. 

"I have to be." She said. "I have to be hard on myself, I have to push myself to the limit. I have to be the best." 

"B-but why?" Shinji whispered. "You are good, a lot better than me, but why…do you have to be the best?" 

Asuka raised her head and stared at Shinji. She didn't want to tell him, but a part of her could not resist the look in his eyes. She was opening up to him and she hated it. 

"Because…if I'm the best, they can't ignore me." 

"You shouldn't think that way." 

"So how should I think?" Asuka replied sarcastically. "Why don't you tell me, Third Child?" 

"I…I don't know." Shinji said. "I used to think that I piloted Eva for the praises of others, I used to think that…I was a horrible person, and that Eva was a monster, but…" 

"We are different." Asuka jumped in. "You pilot for others, and I pilot for myself. You don't have a choice when you pilot; I pilot because I have nothing else." 

"Don't say that you have nothing else." 

"It's true." Asuka said. "Without Eva I'm nothing. If I can't pilot Eva, they'll ignore me and push me aside, like a piece of trash. They'll make me feel horrible and discarded and worthless…just like Mama used to." 

"Like…your mother?" Shinji hesitated. He could feel the pain in the girl's voice. 

Those last words forced the memories to surface in Asuka's head. It were all the things she had wanted to bury and forget, but that, time and again, came back to haunt her. She couldn't get rid of the images, of the thoughts and the emotions. 

"I pilot Eva because it's what makes me special. Without Eva, no one would need me, but…" Asuka began shaking her head. "…No! I can't do this! Go away!" 

"Asuka…I need you." Shinji hesitated. 

Those words made Asuka stop for a second. 

"No. You are the great Shinji Ikari; you don't need me! You never loose! You were never there!" 

"Asuka…" 

"You were only there to show off! To make me look inferior! To humiliate me and make me feel like crap!" Asuka's voice rose sharply. She pressed an open hand against her chest. "You were never there when…-I- needed you!" 

"Sorry…" 

"Don't pretend like you care!" Asuka replied almost hysterically. "Where were you when that thing…raped my mind?" 

"Asuka…I…" 

"You can't understand!" Asuka yelled. "No one can understand." 

Shinji fought to find the right words. He knew he understood, or at least thought he did. Their pain was the same, but he couldn't tell her. All the words seemed empty and meaningless. 

"All my life, I lived for nothing…" Shinji struggled to keep his voice even. "…It was simply…not dying, until I came here and then…I had Eva." 

"It's different." 

"Deep down inside, it's not." Shinji replied, focusing on Asuka's blue eyes. "The pain is the same, in different form…" 

"How would you know what my pain is like?" Asuka was being sarcastic, but her voice quivered. 

"Asuka…" Slowly, Shinji reached out and touched her shoulder, hesitantly and gently. "If you don't think I know…what your pain is like, then -let- me know. I want to understand and to…comfort you." 

The Third Child could find nothing else to say. 

"I don't want your comfort!" The German girl snapped. She turned to confront him and could barely hold back the tears. "I don't want it!" 

"Asuka…" 

For the German girl, all the emotions mixed into one melting pot and she was no longer sure of what she felt. The pride and anger that was a characteristic of her personality seemed to vanish and was replaced by something else. Asuka could not understand it, but the way Shinji was talking to her touched her in a deeper level than she would have liked. 

Asuka couldn't contain her feelings anymore. 

"I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be afraid! I don't want to feel like this! I don't want to be weak! I don't want to cry! I don't want to be hurt!" 

"I…" Shinji felt the tears running down his cheeks. "…What…can I do?" 

"I don't want to feel…" Asuka's voice began to tremble as the tears began to flow. She didn't want him to see like this, but she had lost all control. The tears wouldn't stop. The German girl took a step back, in an attempt to move away from the Third Child, but her knees buckled and she fell backwards. Shinji reacted quickly, with speed he didn't know he had. He reached out and grabbed the girl by her shoulders, but could only manage to ease her fall. 

Asuka ended up sitting on the floor, with Shinji kneeling by her side. She dropped her head and sobbed quietly, as if she were struggling to keep herself from breaking down completely. She was angry that she couldn't stop the tears and that he was seen her like this. 

"Make it stop!" She whispered, between sobs. 

"I…can't make it stop" Shinji held her shoulders tightly. "…Sorry." 

"Baka…" Asuka raised her head and peered into his tearful eyes. She could see the deep sense of caring and concern buried behind his pale irises. 

"Sorry." The boy repeated. 

"Then promise that you will never hurt me." Asuka's voice was barely audible as she drew closer to him. 

"Asuka, I can't…" Shinji hesitated. He didn't know what to think or do. Even if he never intended to hurt her, he could not promise her, or himself for that matter, that he never would. 

"Promise me!" Asuka grabbed his arms and shook him. 

"I promise." Shinji said, slowly leaning forward. 

Neither of them could understand what happened next. It was as if a strange force of nature had cast magnetism over them and they found it impossible to resist. Their bodies slowly inched together, completely out of the primordial human necessity for comfort. 

Softly, Asuka wrapped her arms around him, as she ignored her mind's screams for her to get away. Shinji followed her lead, and gently touched her cheek. His hand trembled, but his had lost control and allowed a natural instinct to take over. Their tear streaked faces were only inches away. He could feel her breathing, just as she could feel his. 

Asuka squeezed her eyes shut as their lips met.   


X   


At first, Misato thought that what she was seeing was a result of the lack of sleep, or maybe the fact that she felt as if a tank had run over her body, but after taking stock of all possible options, she decided that the image was real. 

The Major had gotten home just as the two pilots kissed. She stared at them as if looking at some strange apparition. Her instincts told her that she had to do something, that she had to go out there and break them apart and to lecture them, but she wouldn't. She ignored what to do. A part of her felt that it was for the best, since the alternative was for them kill each other like she had feared, but the other part thought it was something she had to stop. Misato decided to remain neutral. The relationship between the two pilots was complicated enough without her butting in and if they wanted to find…whatever it was they were looking for, in each others arms, then it should be fine with her; as long as they didn't do…the other thing. 

At any length, she was too tired to do anything about it at the moment. She could barely keep her eyes open. 

"Kwark!" 

Misato turned as soon as she heard the penguin, thinking that now she was hearing things. 

"Pen-Pen?" 

The Major smiled weakly. 

The bird almost flew to her and wrapped himself against her leg. Misato reached down and took him in her arms. She straightened up, holding Pen-Pen against her chest, as if he were a pillow. 

"Did you miss me?" 

"Kwark!" 

Misato's smiled broadened. 

"I missed you too." 

"Kwark." 

The Major turned her gaze, once again, at the teens in the balcony. 

"What do you think? Do we leave them alone?" 

"Kwark." The penguin nodded his head.   


X   


The screen flickered for a moment before the image was brought into focus. It showed a giant room surrounded by armored panels and beams and a set of wide observation windows in the far wall that looked like the control rooms found throughout Central Dogma. The light was dim, so most of the details were lost to the camera. In the upper right corner, the words: First Activation Experiment, followed by a line of Chinese characters and a clock which showed the time since the recording had started: **00:21:45**

A voice spoke in Chinese, and was translated to Japanese by whoever had retrieved and edited the recording. 

"The first barrier has been cleared." 

"All parameter for the exercise have been met." A second voice said. 

"Contact signals are following the projected path for the fractal curve." A third voice said. 

"Initial disruptions detected in the path." The first voice said. 

"Containment procedures engaged." 

Shortly after the last voice spoke, the alarms in the room went off and plunged everything into chaos. 

"The disruption is spreading!" 

"The path's integrity has been compromised!" 

"Anomalies in the curve can't be contained!" 

"Containment procedures are not functioning!" 

"The disruption is taking over the code!" 

"Back flow from the signal has been detected on all circuits!" 

"Abort! Cut all power!" 

"The S2 organ has been activated!" 

"We've lost control!" 

"The disruption is eating away at everything we throw at it!" 

Then the P.A. system was activated. 

**"All personnel evacuate to their designated shelters."**

"It's corrupting the Unit!" 

**"All personnel evacuate to their designated shelters."**

"We can't recover the code!" 

A loud noise enveloped the room and something on the opposite side of the windows moved. 

"It's free!" 

The far wall bulged inwards, as if a giant fist had hit it, and the glass shattered. 

"We can't contain it" 

"Buddha!!!" 

At 00:29:14 the feed from the camera died. The screen was replaced with the NERV fig leave. 

"Can we trust the source?" Gendo Ikari asked coldly, as the video screen was shut down. 

"It came from our contacts in China." Fuyutsuki explained. "Before the UN imposed a lockdown." 

"And we have no way of knowing if the UN saw this?" 

"Correct. For all we know, this is the only copy." Fuyutsuki said. "SEELE may have gotten a copy, but it's unlikely. Nakayima would have heard something from them." 

"Nakayima is no longer a reliable source. SEELE wouldn't trust him with something like this." 

"But they would have sough to get the UN to blame us." Fuyutsuki said. "None of the usual channels have been used. The UN has been trying to piece together the incident on it's own. It appears that SEELE has not been involved in the investigation." 

"Very well." Ikari replied. "We will consider the issue closed." 

"Unless the UN brings it up." 

"Then we will claim ignorance." Ikari said. "Destroy all records and erase the video."   


X   


"They just asked me to tell you." Miko Mineguno finished, sitting on the bed next to the brunette girl. 

"I can't do something like that." Keiko whispered, leaning forward and burying her face on her hands. 

They were in the younger girl's bedroom, with only the small desk lamp by her bed providing illumination. 

"They say it is important." Miko said. "That you should do it because this is what you were born for." 

"How am I supposed to do this?" Keiko replied. "How on Earth am I supposed to do this?" 

"They will train you and help you out." 

"It's a lie!" The brunette said, shaking her head slowly. "They don't care!" 

"They do care. They helped you out before, when your mother died." 

"Because they killed her!" 

"That was an accident." 

"That doesn't change the fact that she is dead!" Keiko yelled. "Because they wanted her to be a guinea pig for their weapons!" 

"It was her life's work." Miko said. She had run out words. 

"They should have protected her!" 

"There was nothing they could do." 

"No! They should have…done something!" 

After that, Keiko fell silent. 

"Look, K-chan…." Miko began, fighting for the right thing to say. "I can't force you to do anything, but…they need you to do this for them. You won't be alone in this. There are people who can help you through it." 

The younger girl didn't reply. 

"You were born for this." The guardian continued. "Your mother would have wanted this for you. She worked for these people, do you think she would have helped them if they were so bad." 

"Don't talk about my mother, please." Keiko finally said. 

"I know it hurts." Miko said. "But sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. Everyone has a purpose and this is what you were meant to do." 

Please, leave." 

Miko sighed. She had known the girl long enough to know when she wanted the discussion to end and this was it. The brunette was not listening and there was really nothing she could do about it. 

"They are depending on what you decide." She said, before standing. She nodded towards the picture of Keiko's mother. "This is what she would've wanted for you."   


X   


"I used to think that life was not worth the pain." Shinji said as he stared at the clear night sky, illuminated by the light of the full, white moon. " 

"Life is pain." Misato replied, leaning on the rail of her apartment's balcony. "Without pain, there is not life. It's a confirmation of your existence." 

The air was cool, but it was not cold and the night was quiet, something that would have been completely uncanny for a metropolis the size of Tokyo-3 had the lake not buried most of it. 

"I never thought that she would react like that." Shinji whispered. He focused his eyes on the Major's slender form. 

Misato wrapped her arms around herself. 

"She's been keeping all that inside for a very long time." She said in her most tender voice. "She was hurt when her mother died. So hurt that all she could do was build a wall around her heart. Humans hide from the pain by pretending to be something they are not. Because pain is only found when something or someone you care for is lost to you. If you care for nothing, you will have no pain." 

"I…never knew how she felt about…her mother." Shinji said. "I heard her cry in her sleep once, but I never thought much about it. We all cry for our mothers." 

"You can relate to her that way, can't you?" Misato pointed out. 

They were alone now, something for which Shinji was thankful. Asuka had gone to bed a while ago, after crying herself to exhaustion. After the kiss, neither had said anything. There was really no need to and they both knew it. Shinji was surprised that Asuka hadn't tried to move away or to pretend like it didn't happen. In fact, she had allowed him to hold her, until he realized that Misato was home. Asuka would have been very embarrassed if she had known that Misato had seen them, and Misato was aware of that fact so she had just slipped quietly into her room and waited for the redhead to go to sleep. After that, Shinji had knocked on her door and said he wanted her make him company. Misato, of course, obliged. 

"I promised that I would never hurt her." Shinji said. "I don't know if I can keep that promise." 

"She's letting you see the part of her she wanted to forget about." 

"She was being honest with me and I was being honest with her." 

"It must have been hard on you." 

"It was harder on her." Shinji narrowed his eyes. He felt like crying again. 

"You were there for her, and that's hard enough." Misato said. 

"I wanted to…run away." Shinji said. 

"But you didn't run away and that's what matters."   


X   


Asuka lay on her bed, with her head buried in her pillow. The tears had stopped, not because she had managed to stop herself from crying, but because she was too tired to keep it up, just as she had been too tired to even change out of her school uniform which was now wrinkled. She waited for sleep to get her, hoping that that would provide some escape from the tidal wave of emotions she had experienced. 

_'I need you.'_ The boy had told her, but she wondered it he really meant it? 

_'I…need you.'_

She had stared blankly at the darkness around her, at her tear soaked pillow, at her door, at her lamp, at her wall and finally had decided to just close her eyes and wait. 

Strangely, she felt like when the Angel had ripped through her mind, but this time she had not pushed the one person that care for her away. She had let him hold her, despite what her pride and everything else that she had come to be, told her. 

The memories were painful, but she had not been forced to revisit them, like before. She had willingly shared them. Asuka couldn't escape the feelings; she just wanted them to fade away. 

_I need you._

The forgiving bliss of sleep never came.   


X   


Rei pressed her hand against the cold observation window. On the other side, in the dark cavern, the creature with seven eyes stared at her. 

"Who are you?" Rei whispered, not aware that she had heard that out loud. 

"Who am I?" 

The First Child had seen the creature many times: in her sleep, in the waking moments, in her nightmares, in her memories and in every corner of her mind. It was as if the creature was always there with her, and she felt it looking at her, even though it didn't reply to her questions. 

"Why are you here?" 

"Do you feel lonely?" 

"I am alone, just like you." 

"It is not good to be alone." 

"Humans wish to escape the loneliness, but their AT Fields keep them alone." 

"How are we the same?" 

Ritsuko entered the empty room, her heels clicking on the floor noisily, and noticed the blue-haired girl standing by the window. 

"Rei?" She called. 

The First Child ignored her. 

"Who are you?" 

"Rei?" Ritsuko approached the girl, and gently placed her hand on her shoulder. "What are you doing here?" 

Rei didn't even flinch as she replied. 

"Talking." 

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes. 

"To yourself?" 

"No." Rei stared at the creature with those surreal eyes of her. "To her." 

Instinctively, Ritsuko took as step back, as if she had been physically hit.   


X   


To be continued.   



	9. Balcony (beta)

Notes: Umm, OK here's a beta edition of chapter 9. I'm still going over some parts of chapter 8, but I won't be posting it until I can get my computer fixed (been having computer problems lately). Expect to see it on the Darkscribes page and my own, along with the HTML version of this one soon enough. Also, I'm running for the Takoball awards so go and vote. There might be some grammar/ spelling glitches here, but it isn't called a beta for nothing. For questions and comments, email me or go to the darkscribes forum.  
  
  
  
Evangelion Genocide  
  
By: Rommel  
  
X  
  
Unit 08's design was simplicity itself. It lacked most of the complex features that were characteristics of other units. Among other things, it was missing the shoulder pylons, which held the Progressive Knives and, in Unit 02's case, the spike gun. Its armor was white, with every few unique features, since it was created for streamlined production and it was even missing the external power plug, which meant that it could only be operated on it's S2 engine, making the power supply inexhaustible. Though this was one of the Series greatest advantages, along with its incredible regeneration capability and its ability to withstand a horrendous amount of damage, it was also a problem when testing was concerned.  
  
Like the rest of the Series, Unit 08 had not been created to be a graceful fighter, but to be an unstoppable brute in every sense of the word.  
  
"It gives me the creeps." Maya said, as she stared at the thing in the cooling cage through the armored glass on the observation deck.  
  
"I hear you." Aoba replied, without taking his gaze of the Evangelion either.  
  
"I mean it doesn't even have eyes. It's like some kind of demon."  
  
"And to think there are eight more like it."  
  
"Man can create horrible things, can't he?" The voice startled them for a second, but they both recognized it. They turned to face the Sub-Commander, who quickly made his way to the observation window.  
  
"Sir." The two NERV employees saluted briskly and at unison.  
  
"At ease, Doctor, Lieutenant." Fuyutsuki said. "How are things with Unit 08?"  
  
"All safety parameters have been cleared." Aoba reported.  
  
"The main interface has been configured for a human pilot." Maya said. "All A-10 connectors have been reset as well as the neural transmitters and receivers. All values in the system are at zero. Life support and all 'standard' safety measure have been enabled. The S2 engine and the flight configuration are the only concerns."  
  
"Why is that, doctor?"  
  
"Well, the S2 was implanted with the purpose of being linked to a dummy, certainly not a human pilot, so the Eva will not run out of power. It will be impossible to control it using the power supply as a regulator, so if for some reason it goes berserk, it'll have to be destroyed and that rules out a broad spectrum of tests that would be too dangerous."  
  
"The S2 works perfectly. Don't be concerned about it." Fuyutsuki said.  
  
"And the flight configuration?" Maya inquired.  
  
"We'll be lucky if we can teach the pilot to walk in this thing, let alone fly." Fuyutsuki replied. "It's impossible to remove the wings, but the whole internal configuration can be disposed of, or at least frozen."  
  
"I'll have a team work on that." Maya said.  
  
"Good. What is the situation with the pilot?"  
  
"Dr. Akagi is taking care of that, sir. I don't have any current information."  
  
Maya felt uncomfortable talking about the pilot as if she were a piece of equipment. She was still to meet her, but no one deserved to be treated the way the Children were. Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko had made it clear Unit 08 was to be used for several experiments, but not as a combat weapon, which meant that the pilot would be little more than a guinea pig.  
  
The young 'doctor' wrapped her arms around her clipboard, as if that would help her escape the thought of what they would be doing to the innocent girl that was to become the pilot.  
  
Fuyutsuki nodded and turned to leave.  
  
"I will talk to Dr. Akagi, then." He said. "The first activation test has been planned for three days from now. Make sure Unit 08 is ready."  
  
Maya's throat went dry.  
  
"Y-yes, sir. I understand."  
  
There was an awkwardness in her voice that was hard to miss.  
  
Fuyutsuki did not wait for her to finish before he stepped out. He didn't need to hear that she understood; only that she would do her job, regardless.  
  
"Maya?" Aoba called out as soon as the Sub-Commander left the room.  
  
"Uh?"  
  
"Are you OK?"  
  
"I guess." Maya replied. "I just don't like this."  
  
"When was the last time you liked something about NERV, Maya?" Aoba said, sarcastically.  
  
Maya narrowed her eyes.  
  
"A long time."  
  
X  
  
"Fear, I have observed, would induce men to shun one another; but the marks of this fear being reciprocal, would soon engage them to associate." -Baron de Montesquieu  
  
Genocide 09  
  
Balcony.  
  
X  
  
It was not before late afternoon that all the occupants of the Katsuragi household managed to sit down at the dinner table together. This had been Misato's idea, of course, since she had arranged her schedule to spend the later part of the day with her charges in an effort to bring the three of them closer. She was aware of the underlying emotions of the occasion, just as she was aware of what had happened between Asuka and Shinji. She had to admit that at first she had been tempted to talk to them both about it, but Shinji had convinced her not to let Asuka know she had seeing seen the kiss. This was fine with Misato, but she made it clear that having a relationship, of any kind, was fine as long they kept their hands to themselves. Shinji had understood, even thought though he had been embarrassed when Misato brought up the 'if you get Asuka pregnant' subject. It was something that needed to be said, if only for argument's sakes.  
  
Almost an entire week had gone by since the incident and both children seemed to be doing fine. Asuka was her usual self, even more so than before and it had apparently done her well to vent some of her bottled-up emotions, while Shinji had done everything he could to make her life easier and to come to grips with his own feelings. He was, like Asuka, still struggling to put into words what he felt, which meant he was dancing around the issue as much as the redhead was. They tried to avoid talking about it, or about anything that would be considered intimate or private, including their mutual emotions, and had settled for just not fighting as much as they used to. That was, in Misato's eyes, the biggest indicator that something had indeed changed.  
  
All these things went through the Major's head as she pulled out a chair and sat at the head of the table, and allowed the aroma of the Sukiyaki, a dish of sliced beef, to envelope her. Shinji had made it, of course. The boy had been hard at work on the kitchen since getting home from school and was now putting the final details on the meal. Asuka was sitting across from Misato, with a hungry look on her face. She would never admit to it, but Misato knew she liked Shinji's cooking. The German girl was playing absentmindedly with her chopsticks, moving them among her fingers in the same manner one twirls a baton.  
  
Misato allowed her gaze to move from the girl over to the boy standing by the stove.  
  
"Come one, Shinji. I'm starving." Asuka complained, in her most annoying tone. She set down her chopsticks and shifted her weight on the chair, folding her legs under her for greater comfort. "What is taking so long?"  
  
"It'll just be a minute, Asuka." Shinji replied. He was pulled the frying pan away from the fire and neatly placed its contents on a big tray from which they could all pick whatever they wanted and place it on their own plates.  
  
"It smells good, Shinji-kun." Misato said.  
  
"Thank you, Misato-san." Shinji replied, as he brought the tray over to the table. "I'm trying a new recipe."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. You were taking so long I thought you were trying to make gold from lead." Asuka frowned. "Why does everything have to take so long with you, Third Child?"  
  
"Sorry." Shinji replied, as he took his seat.  
  
"Dammit, don't do that." Asuka was the first to go on the offensive against the Sukiyaki dish, using her chopsticks as spears. "It bothers me and you know it."  
  
"Sorry." Shinji replied instinctively.  
  
Asuka's growled in annoyance.  
  
"You know, I'm starting to think you do it on purpose."  
  
"Asuka, stop picking on him." Misato called out between bites. "It's his conditioned response, like a defense mechanism."  
  
"Sounds more like an excuse to bother me." The redhead said.  
  
"I don't mean to bother you." Shinji whispered as he focused on his plate to avoid Asuka's eyes.  
  
"Old habits die hard, Asuka." Misato stepped in. "Just imagine how hard breaking a habit like that can be."  
  
There was no reply to that. All three of them settled down and each became dedicated only with having dinner and enjoy the food as much as possible. No one spoke, which created a semi-awkward silence. Misato took her time to focus on some of the important issues she had refused to address for the last few weeks. The most pressing of which was the selection of the new pilot. She was still to meet whoever it was that had been chosen, but one thing was clear: she had to tell Shinji. The memory of what had happened the last time was painfully imbedded on her mind and she wished to avoid any similar incident. Shinji wouldn't take it well, that much she knew; neither would Asuka, but the redhead would have an easier time accepting reality than the boy and that worried her. Misato had meant to tell them both at the same time, but now it seemed that that would only cause more problems.  
  
Asuka finished first. She placed her chopsticks on the plate and rose, pushing her chair away from the table.  
  
"I'm done." She said.  
  
Shinji nodded.  
  
"I'll take your plate away in a minute."  
  
The redhead barely reacted to that, as if she had been expecting such an answer. Misato noticed that she looked at Shinji with a certain degree of contempt in her eyes, this the boy failed to see since he was doing all he could to avoid Asuka's gaze.  
  
Finally, Asuka smiled weakly.  
  
"I'm taking a shower, so don't you dare turn on that faucet until I'm done." She said. Oddly enough, Misato didn't pick any venom on the words. It was almost as if Asuka had made a request, rather than a command.  
  
"I won't, Asuka." Shinji replied, still not looking at her.  
  
"You better not." The German girl nodded, and walked out.  
  
Misato remained quiet throughout the whole exchange. She would let the children deal with themselves instead of her having to deal with both of them.  
  
Once the Major was finished, she, like Asuka, placed her chopsticks on the plate.  
  
"It was very good, Shinji-kun." She said.  
  
"Thank you, Misato-san."  
  
"Shinji-kun?" Misato's voice quivered, something that made Shinji raise his head and look at her.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I need to talk to you." She began. ".About something very important."  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"Not here." Misato replied. "Let's take a walk. It's good for digestion, as well."  
  
"I have to do the dishes, Misato-san." The boy whispered. He could sense the stress in Misato's voice.  
  
"You won't be able to do them until Asuka gets out of the bathroom." Misato stood up. "And you know she takes her time in there."  
  
Shinji finished his dinner in a hurry. He was both intrigued and worried at what Misato was going to say.  
  
A few minutes later they walked out the front door.  
  
X  
  
The graveyard was like a barren desert with only the elongated headstones, rising like grotesque sculptures, providing any relief to the vast, monotonous landscape. Rei did not wished to be here, but there was nothing she could do about it.  
  
The blue-haired girl quivered as Ikari rested his hand on her shoulder. They were both facing a headstone, inscribed with the name 'Ikari Yui'. She had heard the name before, enough times to know who that was, and wondered why the Commander had brought her here. She had never been in the graveyard before, but there was something about the name on the headstone that called to her, like a Mermaid's alluring melody, something deep inside of her trembled.  
  
Yui Ikari was the Commander's long-dead wife, that much Rei was certain of. She had heard that Yui was lost during an failed synchronization attempt with Unit 01, but there was more to that story than she would care to hear. The Commander had explained it all and the realization, which had failed to dawn on Rei at the moment, had finally hit her.  
  
".There is no body in the grave." Ikari continued unaware that Rei had not been playing attention. "There was nothing to put in it. All we could salvage from the entry-plug was a few cells and other types of microscopic genetic materials. We did what we could to preserve that and eventually it became the cornerstone of the Complementation Project -you-."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes." Ikari said. "I created you to be the key, my key. You will help me attain Instrumentality. That has been your purpose from the beginning."  
  
"Purpose." Rei whispered.  
  
"The Dummy plug system was to ensure that your soul would never be lost, so that nothing would interfere with your purpose, but once the Dummy was destroyed you, the third Rei, became essential."  
  
"I am.replaceable."  
  
"You were." Ikari replied. "I have ordered that the re-construction of the Dummy be suspended. You are now to be the ultimate tool of Mankind's salvation."  
  
"A tool."  
  
"You have a purpose greater than anything else in this world. The soul of Lilith, the creator of Humans, is within you, as is the body of Adam, the creator of Angels. You are complete, except for Adam's soul."  
  
"Am I.not human?"  
  
"Your Humanity spawns from your contact with Humans, not from the fabric of your existence. You are what you are, nothing more and nothing less. Humans are weak creatures in their own right, but their gift is more than the gift of power." Ikari said. "Humans are to Lilith what the Angels are to Adam, but while Angels were given the Fruit of Life, Humans took the Fruit of Knowledge. That is the difference."  
  
"Am I.an Angel?" Rei asked with slight hesitation.  
  
"No." Ikari replied instantly. "You are far from the Angels. You are you, Rei Ayanami, Humanity's last hope; my last hope."  
  
"Hope."  
  
"You will do as you are asked, will you not?"  
  
Rei didn't feel like answering, but she couldn't stop herself from doing so.  
  
"Yes, I will." She said, finally. "That is my purpose."  
  
Ikari nodded his satisfaction. Everything was going as planned.  
  
X  
  
"Ikari is moving away." The MOI agent informed as he watched through his binoculars. "There's a vehicle about a hundred away from them, a Subaru by the looks of it. The girl is not moving."  
  
Musashi Kluge frowned.  
  
"Could you read their lips?" He inquired.  
  
"No, neither turned in this direction." The agent replied. "There is nothing in the microphone either. They are too far away."  
  
"Damn." Kluge growled. "I hate wasting my time."  
  
They were located on a high point, about 5 miles west of the graveyard, which provided an unobstructed view of the land below, but the visibility was hampered to a certain extend by the falling sun on the horizon. Still, it was enough to provide a clear picture of what was going on.  
  
Gendo Ikari and the girl, who Kluge's Intelligence people had identified as Rei Ayanami, had stood in front of a headstone for almost twenty minutes before the NERV Commander walked away.  
  
The agent set down his binoculars, considering that the operation was now over.  
  
"Ikari has made it over to the vehicle, but the girl is still standing on the grave." He informed.  
  
"Give me the specs." Kluge ordered and the agent complied at once.  
  
"Sir."  
  
The Department Chief lined the binoculars with his eyes and peered into the distance. He brought the lenses into focus and directed them towards the blue-haired girl standing patiently over the grave, as if ignoring she was supposed to follow Ikari to the vehicle or be left behind.  
  
He gazed at the girl for a few minutes and toyed with the device's focus and magnification, but all he could see was the back of her head.  
  
He watched as Rei turned her head slowly and raised her eyes.  
  
It was then that Kluge was hit by a thought.  
  
Was she looking at him?  
  
The Chief lowed the binoculars and stared at the point where the girl was supposed to be standing. She was invisible to the naked eye and he was sure that, from her point of view, he was invisible to her as well. Still, she had turned just as he set the devise on her.  
  
"I'm getting old." Kluge hissed, convincing himself that he was imagining things.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Never mind." The Chief shook his head. "Let's go. I have other matters to tend to."  
  
X  
  
Asuka stood idly by as the bathtub's water slowly drained, and fought the images that threatened to surface on her mind's eye.  
  
She was naked except for her underwear, with her head bowed and eyes lowered so that she was gazing directly downwards, at the floor between her feet. Her arms hung limply by her side, like a doll whose battery had run out, while her hair, red like blood, cascaded over her shoulders, trickling slightly over her breasts.  
  
The German girl found it impossible to escape the memories.  
  
'Without Eva I'm nothing. If I can't pilot Eva, they'll ignore me and push me aside, like a piece of trash. They'll make me feel horrible and discarded and worthless.just like Mama used to.'  
  
She couldn't believe she had actually said that. That statement was a confession of her true feelings, not just towards her mother, but also towards herself. Worse of all, she had confessed it to Shinji of all people.  
  
'Like.your mother?' The boy had replied.  
  
'I pilot Eva because it's what makes me special.'  
  
Asuka narrowed her eyes as that thought hit her. She couldn't understand what had compelled her to say these things. It was certainly not because she felt the need to get them out of her chest, nor was it because she wanted to share her emotions.  
  
There was something else.  
  
'I need you.' Shinji had said and, though Asuka hated to admit it, the words had struck a cord deeply inside of her.  
  
'No. You are the great Shinji Ikari; you don't need me! You never lose! You were never there!'  
  
The redhead felt a wave of nausea wash over her  
  
'You were only there to show off! To make me look inferior! To humiliate me and make me feel like crap! You were never there when.-I- needed you!'  
  
'Sorry.'  
  
The words played in her mind like a scene from a movie, as did the images and the sounds. She heard his crying and her own. She felt Goosebumps as she imagined his hands touching her in the same way as they had before, not that it had bothered her because the feeling was like nothing she had felt before.  
  
Asuka wanted the sensation to go away. She didn't wish for this, but at the same time a part of her longed for it, and this angered her.  
  
The German girl shook her head to clear it, but nothing happened. She raised her eyes and focused on the draining tub. Awkwardly enough, she thought that the water, which spiraled around the drain and ultimately bled into the pipeline below, provided a somewhat accurate analogy for the way she left.  
  
"No." Asuka whispered to herself. "I am not a waste. I have Eva."  
  
'I need you.' The words popped into her mind again, like they had for a thousand times already.  
  
"Was it.a lie?"  
  
X  
  
".I know this is hard, but if there were something I could have done to stop it, I would have."  
  
Misato finished, as she leaned on the handrail and closed her eyes waiting for the yelling to begin, but the expected tantrum never came.  
  
"W-why are they doing this?" Shinji could barely keep his voice from breaking down. He wanted to scream but failed to find the strength to do so.  
  
The pair had walked for a few minutes and eventually came to rest at a set of stairs that led up to one of the apartment buildings. Shinji sat down, while Misato remained standing.  
  
An orange hue had already tinted the sky, casting deep, dark shadows on everything the light touched.  
  
"Since the last Angel, NERV has become a priority, as has the defense of Tokyo-3." Misato tried to explain, an action complicated by the fact that she didn't know what to believe in anymore. "They approved the transfer on another Evangelion from America, and they needed a pilot. I guess with the possibility of more Angels they couldn't stand by and do nothing to fortify the defenses."  
  
"Who.is.the pilot?" Shinji hesitated.  
  
Misato could sense the fear in his voice, which was understandable given what had happened in the past.  
  
"It's a girl," Misato began. "I can't remember her name, but you'll meet her in a few days when we do the activation."  
  
Shinji said nothing after that. His eyes sufficed to prove and express everything he felt.  
  
"Listen, Shinji," The Major continued. "Asuka doesn't know yet. I think it'll be better if you let me tell her myself."  
  
"S-sure, I.I guess."  
  
"I'll get some information on the pilot so you guys can meet with her outside of Central Dogma. That way the situation will be easier for her. I heard she's a student too." Misato said. "I hope she can get along with Asuka."  
  
Shinji leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.  
  
"Why is this happening?"  
  
X  
  
Dr. Ritsuko Akagi sipped from her coffee and watched as Haruna pulled a large sheet of paper from the printer.  
  
"Well?" She demanded.  
  
"Nothing we didn't know already." The younger girl replied.  
  
Ritsuko nodded and turned her chair to face the other two operators sitting on their respective stations in the Central Dogma HQ.  
  
"So, we wont be getting any other information. Let's try and make sense of what we have so far."  
  
Hyouga was the first to speak, "According to the schemes from the pilot brain interface the initial stimulation process between the Eva and the subject triggered several sensorial responses from the brain cortex. This implies that the brain received stimulus in an ample series of frequencies, causing a wide range of nervous responses. It is probable that this responses caused the initial rejection of the outside signal and other disturbance in the synchrograph."  
  
"We know that the first signal to contaminate the system came from the Angel, this is evident when we compare it to the signal which invaded Unit 00's own system just moments before. The Angel was attempting First Level Contact just like it did with Unit 00, but the second signal." The second operator, a man whose name escaped Ritsuko's memory, said.  
  
"Right," Hyouga picked up where the agent left off. "The second signal is a completely different issue. It.originated inside the plug and it canceled the invading signal. If I didn't know any better, I would think that Unit 01 protected the pilot on its own will."  
  
"I would think so to." Ritsuko replied. "But such a thing is not possible. Have you run an analysis on the second signal?"  
  
"Yes." Hyouga answered. "It's not just 'a' signal, it resembles a thought pattern and was first classified it as such, but...it doesn't match the pilot's thought pattern and, as you know, there only be one pattern on the Eva, since there is only one mind in it. This is radically different than anything we have examined before."  
  
"And then there's the issue of Unit 02's synchrograph." The second operator pointed out.  
  
"Forget about that." Ritsuko said, wishing to avoid the whole mess with Unit 02. "Let's concentrate on one problem at a time."  
  
X  
  
"Good Evening, Agent Nakayima." The older man grinned as soon as he saw the shocked expression on the Agent's face.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He hissed.  
  
Kluge's grin melted into a frown.  
  
"My, one small altercation and all the protocol goes out of the window." The Chief remarked coolly.  
  
"What are you doing here, sir?"  
  
"I want you to do me a favor." Kluge said. "I knew you would be more than happy to."  
  
Before Nakayima could reply, Kluge stepped into the apartment, followed by his bodyguards. The Agent's place was place was small, with only one bedroom, which he rarely used, a living room, bathroom and kitchen. The only piece of furniture was the couch in the center of the apartment. There were papers and folders all over the floor, along with food scraps and other assorted garbage.  
  
"How's your shoulder?" Kluge asked with a scowl.  
  
"Better." Nakayima replied. He would have loved to take a swing at the old man and wrap his hands around his throat, but he had to be realistic: the bodyguards would have killed him before he could get anywhere near Kluge.  
  
"I hope you understand the necessity for such a drastic.punishment." Kluge continued as he surveyed the messy apartment. "I can't have my agents thinking that they can just screw me and get away with it. In my time, you would have gotten more than a bullet in the shoulder."  
  
"Times change, Chief Kluge." Nakayima said. He could feel his shoulder throbbing. It had not healed completely and every time he moved it, it send waves of pain down his arm and into his brain. He'd taken painkillers, but after a while they stopped working and he found himself repeating the cycle over and over.  
  
"It's too bad we can't prevent that from happening." Kluge said, reaching into his jacket. "But not for lack of trying."  
  
Nakayima tensed, expecting Kluge's gun to make an appearance.  
  
Kluge pulled out an envelope.  
  
"Gotcha, Agent Nakayima."  
  
The Agent breathed a sigh of relieve.  
  
"I didn't think you had a sense of humor."  
  
"I have the devil's sense of humor." Kluge remarked as shoved the envelope into Nakayima's outstretched hand. "And besides, you shouldn't worry about me killing you.yet."  
  
"That's very reassuring."  
  
"But because I can't kill you doesn't mean I can't maim you horribly." Kluge warned. "So don't try to screw with me again. Better men than you tried and most of them are resting in a god-forsaken plot of land in East Germany."  
  
Nakayima said nothing, but his gaze told Kluge all he wanted to know. The Agent was a lost cause.  
  
"In that envelope you have a new set of orders." The Chief hissed, nodding towards one of his bodyguards. "Do as you are told and nothing will happen to you or those around you."  
  
Nakayima snickered.  
  
"There is no one around me." He grinned.  
  
Kluge returned the gesture.  
  
"Not in Tokyo-3, of course." He said with a glint in his eyes. "But how about in Yokohama?"  
  
Nakayima's eyes went wide open, causing Kluge's grin to deepen.  
  
"No."  
  
"I know about her." Kluge said. "You thought you could hide her from me, didn't you? You thought I wouldn't find out, didn't you? I know about her, just as I know about Dr. Aichi, your father."  
  
"Stay way from her."  
  
"Her safety depends on you. If you try anything suspicious, I'm going after her and it won't be as easy as a bullet in the shoulder." Kluge said, unemotionally and headed for the door. "Don't do anything stupid."  
  
Nakayima didn't even notice when the Department Chief and the bodyguards left. He fell on his knees and squeezed his eyes shut.  
  
"Bastard." The agent smashed his fist on the ground. ".Not her."  
  
X  
  
"So the interim Chinese government has been dissolved?" Ikari frowned, but did not turn away from the view provided by his office's window.  
  
"Yes." Fuyutsuki replied. "It amazes me how easy it is to make people.disappear."  
  
"Was SEELE involved?"  
  
"More than likely. The new ruling body is composed of anti-isolationists and a trace on the new Head of State turned up a connection to Congressman Keel. Not only that, but they are being very obvious about it."  
  
"Finally, SEELE's counter-move." Ikari said.  
  
"But why cause trouble with the Chinese?"  
  
"They are still after the order of Special Protection."  
  
"It's pointless. The UN will never approve it now." Fuyutsuki said.  
  
"They must know that." Ikari said. "The 'old men' don't take actions like this without a motivation."  
  
"Do you want to put some agents on this?"  
  
"No." The Commander replied. "This doesn't affect my scenario and the consequences of SEELE controlling the Chinese government are not likely to prove troublesome."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"At any rate, the Second Stage will be initiated soon. We should be more concerned with that."  
  
"The test has already been scheduled."  
  
X  
  
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Hikari-chan." Keiko whispered, hoping that she could keep herself from crying. "It's.difficult."  
  
"I can't help you with this, Keiko-chan." Hikari replied shaking her head.  
  
They were on the school's yard, sitting on one of the benches. The Class Rep. had known something had been worrying her friend for the last few days, but she never imagined it would be this. It seemed too fantastic, like a movie, but it was real and happening to yet one more of the people she cared for.  
  
"I.don't know what to do." Keiko repeated, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'm scared."  
  
"Have you.talked to Asuka about this?" Hikari enquired as she reached out and took a hold of Keiko's shoulder.  
  
"No." The girl replied. "I can't. She doesn't like me."  
  
"Asuka is not as mean as she makes you think, you know." Hikari said. "If you talk to her about this, she will understand."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"There are only two people that can possibly help you: Shinji and Asuka." The Class Rep. explained. "Shinji, well he's got lots of problems and Asuka.has problems too, but I think she might be able to help you a great deal. She's gone through some horrible things herself."  
  
"She wouldn't want to talk to me about this." Keiko whispered. "After what happened the other day.she wouldn't want to talk to me about anything at all."  
  
"You don't know that." Hikari replied. "I've told you Asuka is a good friend to have around. Even if she doesn't come across as such."  
  
"She.yelled at me."  
  
"She yelled at me too, but you don't see me upset about it." Hikari said. "I've known her long enough to know that the things she said came out in the heat of the moment and besides you touched a really sensitive issue."  
  
"But I never thought she would.react like that."  
  
"And now you know, so talk to her and tell her you didn't mean it."  
  
"I have.but she won't listen to me."  
  
"Would you like me to talk to her?" Hikari inquired, hoping that there were more she would do.  
  
"No. I don't want to trouble you with my own problems."  
  
"It's not good to do something like this alone; what they want from you, I mean." The freckled girl tried to offer some comfort, which made her feel a little guilty since it was the only thing she could really do to help her friend. "Even if you are a very strong person, like Asuka, you shouldn't go about this.alone."  
  
"I." Keiko began but the voice calling from across the yard cut her short.  
  
"Hikari!" Kensuke made his way to the two girls.  
  
"Aida?"  
  
"The Sensei is looking for you, Hikari." Kensuke proclaimed. "Something about a phone call."  
  
The Class Rep. nodded and smiled.  
  
"Thank you, Aida." She stood and shot a glance at Keiko. "See you in class, Keiko-chan."  
  
"Uh? Yeah." Keiko said forcing a smile on her face, but failed to hide the hint of sorrow in her words. "See you later."  
  
X  
  
Something was bothering Shinji, and Asuka was aware of it. The boy had not said a word throughout the day and his silence was starting to annoy her. They were heading home from the train station, like they did every day, with Asuka leading the way a good ten feet in front of Shinji and occasionally slowing down to let the Third Child catch up with her. He would normally ask her to wait for him, and then she would yell at him for not walking fast enough and for dragging her down, but not today.  
  
First, Asuka had thought that he was mad at her for something, which she couldn't understand since she hadn't done anything to him, in fact she had been treating him nicer than before, but Shinji was Shinji and every little thing seemed to bother him. Then the realization dawned on her: it was his talk with Misato! It had to be. Whatever she had told him had caused this awkward silence along with the depressing aura that enveloped him. She had tried not to ask about it, but her curiosity got the best of her.  
  
Asuka had to be honest with herself: it angered her that Shinji hadn't told her, and it drove her crazy that Misato had left her out of the loop. The redhead couldn't take it. She was a grown-up, at least in her eyes, so if Misato could talk about anything with a boy like Shinji, Asuka thought, she could talk to her.  
  
Again she slowed down and stopped, allowing the Third Child to catch up with her. He passed her by, waiting for her to resume walking right behind him, but she did not. Shinji came to a halt as soon as he noticed this and turned slowly.  
  
"A-Asuka?" That was the first word Shinji had said to her all day. "Is there something wrong?"  
  
"Yes, there is." Asuka hissed. "You are what's wrong."  
  
Shinji's eyes widened.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Misato told you something bad about me, didn't she?"  
  
"No." Shinji shook her head. "It's not."  
  
"Don't lie to me!" Asuka gave him a scowl. "She told you something about me."  
  
"It's not.important, Asuka."  
  
"I don't care if it's important or not!" The redhead replied. "If she told you something about me I want to know!"  
  
"She didn't tell me anything about you."  
  
"Why else would you refuse to talk about it?"  
  
"It's not about you.Asuka, but it is.painful." Shinji didn't know what to do. Misato had asked him not to tell her, and he had thought that not doing so would be easy, but after everything that had happened between the two of them, after Asuka poured her heart out to him, he had to tell her.  
  
Asuka raised an eyebrow in surprise.  
  
"Painful?"  
  
"She asked me not to tell you, but." Shinji began. He focused his eyes on the redhead, as if to study her reaction to what he was about to say. ".I think you should know."  
  
"Talk already."  
  
Shinji nodded and told her everything he knew.  
  
Asuka's only reaction to the news was her eyes, which widened with each passing word. She had not been expecting something like this, though it did not disturb her in the same level as it did Shinji. There was no distress in her face, nor was there anger. To Shinji, it seemed that she just failed to grasp the significance of the situation, but then again, she hadn't been the one that killed the previous pilot.  
  
The boy finished and from behind the locks of red hair, Asuka's eyes narrowed.  
  
"You shouldn't lie about things like that, stupid." She said.  
  
"I'm telling you the truth." Shinji replied, allowing his gaze to drop. "I wish it were a lie."  
  
Asuka hesitated to reply.  
  
"I see." She finally acknowledged.  
  
X  
  
Keiko Nagara sat perched on the edge of the medical table, wearing only the white gown that had been given her. She was not happy not be here and Misato could tell that much from just looking at her. Even though the girl's had tried to be nice, had done everything she could to comply with the orders she had been given and treated all those around her with a politeness that bordered on annoying, her posture and body language sufficed as proof of how she felt.  
  
"So?" Misato demanded, peering into one of the monitors located in the observation room, which was, in fact, adjacent to the examination space. "Are you finished, Ritsuko?"  
  
She didn't take her eyes of the brunette girl on who the monitor was focused. Keiko just stared at the floor, completely unaware that she was been watched.  
  
"She is fit enough, physically speaking." Ritsuko replied, as she read from a chart. "Her white blood cells are a little low, which might mean a she's got a weak immune system, but nothing that should affect her. At any rate, she's clear to pilot."  
  
"And the psychological?" Misato enquired.  
  
"It's acceptable." The doctor answered. "That's all we need."  
  
"That is all -you- need." Misato pointed out. "Personally, I don't like this one bit."  
  
"I know how you feel about it, but it's necessary. Many resources have been spent on this, not to mention manpower, and time."  
  
"It's wrong to predispose of a human life like this, Ritsuko."  
  
"We've had this argument in the past." Ritsuko lifted her eyes from her chart and gazed at the Major. "I will not engage in a war of words with you again on the matter."  
  
"I should've been consulted when the decision was made, at least." Misato said, as she turned her head just enough so she could see the doctor out of the corner of her eyes.  
  
"And what would you have done?"  
  
"I would have stopped this nonsense."  
  
"You would have tried, and we would've gone ahead as planned anyway." Ritsuko said calmly. "This way we expedited the process."  
  
"It's always that easy for you, isn't it?" Misato spoke with an even voice, despite the anger she felt. She realized that no purpose would be served by making a scene.  
  
"It's harder than you can imagine." Ritsuko placed the chart on the first place she found, which happened to be a small tray located on a corner of the room. "Everything is in order, so there is no point in keeping her here."  
  
"Are you going to send her home?"  
  
"Lt. Mineguno has been taking good care of her so far, so I see no reason to change the 'status quo'. Section 2 will begin to keep an eye on her as of right now." The doctor made a move towards the door connecting the observation room with the examination one, but Misato stopped her.  
  
"She is not a pet, Ritsuko and I don't want you to make her feel like such. Watch what you say around her."  
  
Ritsuko just nodded, since she didn't feel like arguing.  
  
"I'm just going to dismiss her for the time being. There is no use for her until the activation test three days from now." She said. "If you think you can be much more humane than me in dealing with her, then by all means talk to her. You are going to be her CO after all."  
  
Misato shook her head slowly.  
  
"No. You can talk to her, just.." She said. There was a strange tone in her voice and Ritsuko picked on this at once. ".Don't come across as the cold, inhuman doctor, OK?"  
  
X  
  
"You must be very proud of her." Nakayima said, hoping to shatter the awkward silence that had settled between him and the Lieutenant.  
  
"Pride has nothing to do with it." Miko Mineguno replied. "I'm not even sure I did the right thing when I made her do this."  
  
They were on a small, fairly crowded, cafeteria in Central Dogma, sitting across from each other on one of the tables. The blonde girl was holding a cup of coffee on her hands, enjoying the warm and aroma of the recently brewed liquid, while the Agent eat what passed for a snack.  
  
"Sometimes, the right thing is not what we think is right." Nakayima said.  
  
Miko sighed heavily.  
  
"Whatever it is.I'm not sure if I did what I was supposed to do." She said. "She wasn't happy with any of this."  
  
"It's simple, I think," The agent said. "Did you do what you thought was best for her?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So there you have it. Move on."  
  
Miko blinked once.  
  
"You are really not good at comforting people, are you?"  
  
"Ah. in my defense: it's not a requirement for my line of duty."  
  
"I appreciate it, though." Miko leaned forward and folded her arms under her head as she rested it on the table. "Most people keep their distance from me."  
  
That statement surprised Nakayima. He found it hard to believe, since he saw no reason why people, and especially men, would keep away from a girl like Miko. She was a pretty young woman, with blue eyes and a slender figure. Her factions were sharp and obviously not entirely Japanese, something that appealed to the Agent. He had to admit it: if his life weren't such a mess, he would've actually considered making a move.  
  
"How come?"  
  
"I guess I'm not very sociable." Miko said jokingly.  
  
"You seem pretty.sociable to me." The agent pointed out.  
  
"Only God knows why people act the way they do, Nakayima-san."  
  
"Well, you know what they say: 'God's in his heavens..." Nakayima began, but stopped short of completing the phrase.  
  
" '.All's right with the world'. I know." Miko closed her eyes. "People here seem to think that God is something they can use for their own purposes."  
  
"And you don't?"  
  
"I was raised in Europe, Nakayima-san. For me, God is a very -very- serious matter."  
  
"I've discovered that man has simply turned God into an excuse, or rather a liability."  
  
"You don't believe in God, Nakayima-san?"  
  
"A man like me can not afford to believe in anything." He said.  
  
"Every person needs something to believe in." Miko straightened up, brushing locks of hair away from her face. "I think that's part of the human condition."  
  
"It's not healthy. Man only fools himself by thinking that there is an all- powerful being looking after him."  
  
Miko sighed.  
  
"You are a very sad man, Nakayima-san."  
  
X  
  
Beethoven's Ninth was his song.  
  
Shinji Ikari closed his eyes as the notes from Beethoven's Ode to Joy poured from his earphones. The only illumination of the room was the light from the flickering TV screen, which made it easy to focus on his thoughts.  
  
Ode to Joy, how ironic...  
  
He wondered why someone who was intended on wiping out mankind would listen so a song as beautiful as this. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he decided that humanity needed a second chance. After all, how bad can a race that creates such wonderful things be? He missed him. Kaoru was special. They shared a lot of things. He taught Shinji what the true value of life was...and then Shinji killed him; killed him because he was dangerous.  
  
"Hey, Baka, are you deaf or something?" Asuka's loud voice broke through his wall of thoughts, as she walked out of her room and snatched a pillow from the floor.  
  
"Huh?" That was all the boy could do to reply.  
  
"Are you listening?" Asuka hissed, dumping the pillow next to Shinji and placing her hands over her knees as she leaned forward, letting her golden- red hair pour over her shoulders. In the process giving Shinji, who was lying down on his back, a good look at her cleavage. She knew how this always managed to get his attention. "Move over."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What is the matter with you? Move over so I can watch TV." The redhead asked, more than a little annoyed as she straitened up and folded her arms.  
  
The boy realized that he was lying directly in front of the TV set and did as he was asked just as Asuka kicked her pillow so it took the place formerly occupied by him. The redhead lay down and propped her head on the pillow.  
  
Shinji sat up and turned off his S-DAT. He tried to watch whatever show was on the screen but found it impossible to do so and his attention was channeled towards the German girl.  
  
Asuka lay on her side, with her head turned in the direction of the TV and the illumination serving to highlight the sharp features of her face and smooth curves of her body. Shinji could clearly see her silhouette on the floor and allowed his gaze to wander over it, from the thin ankles, through the long, elegant legs and slender hips, to the upper body and finally the face. He knew that she would kill him if she found him gawking at her like this, but it was worth the risk. Asuka's face appeared peaceful, more peaceful than he had ever seen it before, and he thought he could smell the fragrance of her hair, sprawled aimlessly over the pillow.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
The boy panicked. He quickly averted his eyes and felt the urge to run away.  
  
"Yes?" He replied with as a steady a voice as he could muster.  
  
"Why does it bother you so much that there is a new pilot coming?" Asuka inquired, without even moving, in a soft voice.  
  
Shinji swallowed hard.  
  
"It's because of all that happened." He began. ".The last pilot.I..."  
  
It felt strange to tell Asuka these things.  
  
"You mean because you killed him?"  
  
The image of what happened was still printed in his mind. He could still see it.  
  
'.I would have lived with her. It is my destiny to live forever, though my survival will bring final destruction to the human race. However, it is possible for me to be killed, and whether I live or die makes no great difference.'  
  
"Y-yes." Shinji whispered as the memory's flooded his consciousness. "I.held him in my hand and.I.I just."  
  
'.You made my existence worthwhile. Thank you.'  
  
"Is that it?" Asuka said, simply. "He was an Angel."  
  
"He was my friend, Asuka."  
  
"Baka-Shinji, what difference does it make? You did what was right, didn't you?"  
  
"A-Asuka." Shinji hesitated. ".Please, don't call me that."  
  
"Fine." Asuka replied, much to Shinji's astonishment.  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Would you.have done it?" Shinji asked.  
  
"Done what?" Asuka twisted around, away from the TV and towards Shinji. She noticed that he was avoiding her gaze. There was something about the way the light hit him. It brought out the gentle factions of his face and gave them a sense of predominant darkness that exemplified his inner demons. She found it strange that she couldn't look away.  
  
"Killed someone that meant that much to you." Shinji's voice was just a whisper.  
  
Asuka didn't answer immediately and the question lingered in the air like a strange aroma. She thought about it, but no reply would come.  
  
"I." She began, convincing herself that her pride would have driven her to do anything she had to. ".If it were an Angel.I would have."  
  
"Even if it-he- were a friend?"  
  
"Yes, even so." Asuka replied. "We do what we must and if you hadn't done it, we'd be dead."  
  
"No. He should have lived.and I.should have died."  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"He was a lot stronger than me. He should have lived.and I."  
  
'Thank you, Shinji-kun.'  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"I should have died."  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
Asuka's roar caught him by surprise.  
  
Shinji shook his head.  
  
"No, Asuka.I."  
  
"I said stop it, dammit!" The redhead barked, rolling onto her knees and pointing a finger at him. "Don't you say that! You are alive and he's not, that's all that matters! He's in the past and you can never bring him back, but that doesn't mean that you have to suffer because of him! He was an Angel and you did the right thing!"  
  
"Asuka."  
  
"You selfish idiot! If you want to die, just jump of the damn balcony but.as you fall towards the cold, hard concrete I hope you get haunted by the voices of all the ones you are leaving behind!"  
  
"Asuka."  
  
"If you think you are so miserable that you can't live for yourself." Asuka couldn't believe that she was about to say. ".Then live for those around you."  
  
Those words touched something deep inside Shinji.  
  
"Sorry, Asuka." He sighed and rose to his feet, picking his S-DAT.  
  
"Shinji?" The redhead called out to him as he turned towards his room. "You know, I never thanked you for being there for me."  
  
The boy froze and struggled to decide whether or not she had just said that, or if he had imagined it.  
  
"You don't have to, Asuka." Shinji whispered.  
  
'I need you.'  
  
Asuka swallowed her pride.  
  
'I need you.'  
  
"Thank you, anyways."  
  
Shinji blinked as both shock and surprise hit him.  
  
'Thank you, Ikari-kun.'  
  
Shinji thought it was strange that Asuka was saying this to him. She would never willingly admit to any emotion, of any kind, in front of him, but as he gazed into her eyes he could see a glimpse of concern. Was she really grateful? He wondered. Asuka was not the type of girl that would never be so straightforward with her feelings, even though in the last few days they had broken loose from their prison.  
  
'.Live for those around you.'  
  
That line brought forwards a plethora of questions and emotions. Shinji wondered what she meant by that. Was it possible that she was talking about herself?  
  
Asuka.  
  
  
  
X  
  
Foreign Minister Vassiliesky never heard the shot that killed him and his bodyguards could barely raise their guns before the hidden sniper got them too. They would never know it, but they had been set up. From the shadows several figures appeared: an old man and two goons carrying a body.  
  
They approached the place where the Foreign Minister and his guards lay next to the car that had brought them here. Pools of blood had already started to gather underneath the corpses.  
  
"Here is fine." Kluge ordered, and the goons dumped the body on the ground. It was dressed in the uniform of NERV's Section 2. He kneeled down and, pulling a gun, shot the body twice in the thorax. He then put the gun in one of the Russian guard's hand.  
  
Everything had been meticulously prepared to make it appear as if NERV had betrayed the Russian officials. The Section 2 body even had a false NERV ID for authenticity. Nakayima's information had made it easy to know what the Russians were up to and enabled Kluge to come up with a scenario to drive a scythe between Ikari and his only remaining private supporters.  
  
He nodded to himself.  
  
"Put a call through to the Foreign Office. Tell them that this morning, the Minister was found shot by a NERV official and that all authority in the investigation has been delegated to the Special Crimes Department of the MOI."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
X  
  
The second Misato got home she was confronted by Asuka.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" The German girl said, setting her hands on her hips. This was her usual 'mad-Asuka' stance: legs apart, hands on hips and a frown that would scare most human beings and probably some Angels too.  
  
"Asuka, what are you talking about? Misato replied, wishing that she could cause a diversion so she could escape into the sanctuary of her room.  
  
"The new pilot." Asuka gave her annoyed scowl. "Shinji told me."  
  
Misato's shoulders slumped.  
  
"Asuka, I."  
  
"Why the hell do you keep things like this from me?" Asuka demanded. "It's just like when Kaji died."  
  
"Asuka."  
  
"I had to find out from Shinji. Did you think because you were the one sleeping with him, you were the only one who cared?"  
  
"I just.wanted to spare you the pain." Misato whispered.  
  
"In the future, don't do it." Asuka said. "You know I don't care if you feel like playing Mama to Shinji and me, but don't pretend to be concerned about my pain just because it suits your mood. If something important happens, I want to know. Got it?"  
  
Misato nodded. There was no point in arguing.  
  
"Good!" Asuka barked and stormed off.  
  
"G-good night, Asuka." Misato tried to say, but only got the sound of a door slamming shut as a reply.  
  
X  
  
"Can I come in?" Junichi Nakayima asked in his most polite voice. . Misato nodded and smiled accordingly.  
  
"Yeah, sure. I was just going to have breakfast, care to join me?" She stepped aside to let the Agent into the apartment. He took a quick look around then answered.  
  
"No thank you, I would like some coffee though, if it's not too much trouble."  
  
Misato locked the door behind them.  
  
"Certainly not, but I have to warn you: my coffee has a reputation." She said leading the way to the kitchen, making small talk along the way. "By the way how did you found the address?"  
  
" I looked it up, but 'M Katsuragi', not exactly hard to find."  
  
The girl gazed over her shoulder at Nakayima , just as they entered the kitchen.  
  
"In the phone book?"  
  
"It tried there at first, but then had to go to other sources."  
  
"Government sources?" Misato raised and eyebrow. "Nice to see what you guys waste the tax money on."  
  
"You'd be amazed."  
  
To that little piece of info Misato had no answer. She simply went to pour some coffee in a cup for Nakayima, who noticed that the cup carried the, by now familiar, NERV logo; the fig leave. She handed the cup to the man as he sat down at the small table in the center of the room.  
  
"So what brings you here, Nakayima-san?"  
  
"I need help."  
  
"Help?" Misato faked surprise.  
  
"There comes a time when someone like me has to take stock of a situation and say 'I've bitten off more than I can chew'."  
  
"Help with what?"  
  
"You know I've been...playing both sides in this, don't you?"  
  
"I had an idea." Misato said, sipping from her cup. "It's been working for you so far, so why change that?"  
  
"Like I said, I've taken stock of the situation and it's hopeless..." He trailed off, "...I'm willing to accept all the consequences of my deeds, but there is someone, an innocent, who...might be involved because of all this."  
  
"Who, if you don't mind me asking?"  
  
"I can't tell you that."  
  
"So, then what can I help you with?" Misato said.  
  
"My boss wants information that I can't provide."  
  
"And you want me to help you get that information?" asked Misato.  
  
"Yes." Nakayima replied. "You are the one that holds the key for the truth, aren't you?"  
  
Misato narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Who told you that?"  
  
"Ryougi Kaji." Nakayima said. "Before he, you know, got killed because of what he did, or did not, know. I don't care for the truth the way Kaji did, I don't care for NERV or anything that has to do with it, but my superiors do and...they think I've played hooky long enough."  
  
"Why?" Misato was, by now, really interested.  
  
"Well, I haven't been doing what they wanted me to do and if I don't give them what they want...someone I care for will be hurt."  
  
"I'll see what I can do."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"But it could be more than they want to know."  
  
Nakayima sighed.  
  
"Oh, by the way..." He abruptly said, shoving his hand in his pocket and coming up with a small disc, which he placed on the table in front of Misato. "...This is something I stumbled on while looking for 'stuff'. They ordered it destroyed, but I made a copy."  
  
"Why are you giving it to me?"  
  
"A token of how much I appreciate your help." His voice turned dead serious. "And because you are only one who cares. Please, do not show what's in that disc to anyone."  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"So, is your coffee any good?" Nakayima said, concluding the 'work' related discussion.  
  
"Decide for yourself."  
  
Nakayima had heard interesting things about 'Katsuragi Coffee', as some people in NERV HQ called it, and wondered what it would taste like as he took a zip from the cup.  
  
He was no longer interested.  
  
Somehow he managed to choke down the horribly tasting liquid down his throat.  
  
"That is awful!! This thing is worst than MRE's. That's not coffee. Nothing on God's green Earth could taste so horrible!"  
  
Misato snickered.  
  
"It's not that bad."  
  
X  
  
Asuka had been called to Central Dogma for the new Eva's first activation test. She was aware that if something went wrong, it would be up to her to stop Unit 08, by any means necessary, which was fine with her.  
  
The girl tapped her toes impatiently as the elevator continued its ride down to the Briefing Room. She wished the damn thing would hurry up and her patience was stretched to the limit when the small metal box stopped at a floor 12 levels above her destination.  
  
The doors pinged open and Asuka narrowed her eyes.  
  
Misato stood with Keiko Nagara on the other side.  
  
"Going down, Asuka?" Misato inquired.  
  
"What the hell is she doing here?" Asuka replied, ignoring the question.  
  
"Asuka." Keiko hesitated. "Um.hi."  
  
The fact that the brunette girl knew Asuka's name caught the Major by surprise.  
  
"You guys know each other?"  
  
"We are in the same class." Keiko answered because the redhead was obviously not going to.  
  
"Ah, I see." Misato took in that small detail as it were the most vital piece of information she had heard in a while.  
  
Asuka was a smart girl and didn't need to be told that was going on. She put all the clues together in a matter of seconds. It was so clear that even Shinji could have figured it out.  
  
The German girl frowned and locked eyes with Keiko.  
  
"You, Nagara?" She snarled. "This has got to be a joke!"  
  
X  
  
For a short while, Keiko believed that all this was just some kind of dream, it was so fantastic, so unreal that it could be nothing else, but when the realization that it was 'real' dawned on her she left scared and nervous. The entry-plug was impregnated with a nauseating scent, the white plug-suit that had been given her was too tight and her head had begun to hurt.  
  
Keiko was sitting on the command chair, curled into a tight ball. The Major had told her that she wouldn't have to do anything during this test and she was glad for that.  
  
The radio clacked  
  
"Keiko, we are ready to begin." Someone said.  
  
"I'm.ready." The girl's voice trembled.  
  
Much to her horror, a strange liquid began to full the plug.  
  
"Ah.this thing is flooding!" She shrieked.  
  
"That's LCL. You can breath it."  
  
"Breath it? It's liquid, are you sure?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The girl tried to sit still as the LCL slowly filled the plug. It was cold. She pushed herself as high up on the chair as she could to stay out of the liquid for as long as possible, but eventually found herself holding her breath.  
  
"Keiko, don't hold your breath."  
  
The brunette shook her head. She could not do it.  
  
"If you hold your breath, you'll drown, Baka!" Asuka said from her communication channel in Unit 02. "That would be a stupid way to die."  
  
Finally, Keiko convinced herself to do it. She closed her eyes and took a deep lungful of the liquid. The nausea hit her like a hammer. Her body convulsed forward. She rushed to cover her mouth with her hands.  
  
"Are you OK?" She recognized Misato's voice.  
  
The girl shook her head desperately, not knowing that they probably couldn't see her.  
  
"Keiko?"  
  
She was overcome by the nausea and had no other choice but to empty the contents of her stomach on the LCL.  
  
"Are you OK?" The Major asked again.  
  
The reply was barely audible.  
  
"I'm sick."  
  
"What you are feeling is normal."  
  
"Yeah, don't be such a cry-baby." That was Asuka again.  
  
"It feels.like I'm swallowing blood."  
  
Just she said that, another type of feeling surface. The LCL became warm and she felt like she was no longer alone. It was something she hadn't felt since she was a little girl in Berlin, back when her mother used to hold her every night before she went to bed.  
  
It felt nice.  
  
It felt.like it used to.  
  
'I love you.'  
  
  
  
I love you too.  
  
"Okasan."  
  
X  
  
Misato folded her arms as she gazed out of the observation window.  
  
"Begin start-up procedures." She ordered. "Let's get it over with."  
  
"S2 power is on-line." Hyouga reported.  
  
"The main circuit is open." Aoba said. "Initiate first set connections."  
  
"First set initiated."  
  
"Connections up to 134 are active."  
  
"Check the ego borderline." Ritsuko commanded.  
  
"Ego borderline is holding stable." Hyouga replied. "A-10 links enabled."  
  
"The synchrograph has confirmed the pilot's signal." Haruna reported.  
  
"No contamination detected in the system." Hyouga said.  
  
"Proceed with second set connections." Ritsuko said.  
  
"Understood. Second set has been cleared." Hyouga said, typing away at his console. "I have all links through 256 established. Initiating third set."  
  
"Final safety line at 2.34." Haruna reported and shifted screens. "The pilot's signal remains stable. Vital signs are a little shaky, but acceptable."  
  
"Connections cleared through 365." Aoba said.  
  
"All links secured."  
  
"Safety line at 1.01, 1.0, 0.99, 0.89." Haruna began her countdown.  
  
"The system is clean." Hyouga said.  
  
"0.01"  
  
Misato nodded.  
  
"0.00"  
  
"Evangelion Unit 08 is active." Hyouga announced.  
  
"Good job." Misato acknowledged as a feeling of relieve engulfed the room. "Aoba, open a channel to the pilot."  
  
"Yes, Ma'am."  
  
X  
  
Inside Unit 08, Keiko sat curled in a tight ball; her knees drawn up to her chest, her head buried between them. Tears flowing.  
  
A sound echoed in the silence of the entry-plug.  
  
It was a voice calling her name.  
  
The young pilot raised her head slowly.  
  
"Keiko?" Misato called.  
  
The girl answered, brushing her tears away with the back of her hand.  
  
"Yes." Her voice was merely a soft whisper.  
  
"Are you OK?"  
  
"I...think so." The brunette said as she buried her face in her hands and sobbed quietly. "Get me out of here, please."  
  
X  
  
It was good to have time for himself. Not that he wanted to be alone since that was when most of the bad memories appeared. Shinji was on the balcony, sitting on the small bench while listening to his S-DAT and staring at the sunset, which painted the sky orange like the brush of an artist would do on canvas.  
  
"I'm home."  
  
He recognized the voice, but was almost afraid to acknowledge it.  
  
"H-how was it?"  
  
"That baby Nagara is the pilot." Asuka said as she walked out onto the balcony. She went to lean her back against the rail and folded her arms. "Her, of all people. Can you imagine?"  
  
"I can't image anyone going through this." He said, allowing his head to drop.  
  
"I think they made some kind of mistake." Asuka hissed. "A pilot is supposed to be a fighter, not a little baby."  
  
"Did she get hurt, Asuka?"  
  
"Well, she was crying for some reason and she barfed all over the plug, but other than that, no."  
  
Shinji didn't reply, so Asuka continued.  
  
"See? The Eva didn't go berserk, nobody died, no big deal. I don't understand why you were so worried."  
  
"I.guess you are right."  
  
Asuka nodded animatedly.  
  
"Of course I was right." She said. "So, tell me, what are listening to?"  
  
"Ah, It's.Beethoven." Shinji hesitated.  
  
"Ewww!" Asuka chuckled. "Why are you listening to that? Beethoven is all doom and gloom. He even wrote a song for Napoleon, can you imagine?"  
  
"He was.too much of an idealist, I think."  
  
"I would say he was just too tortured to write good music." Asuka pointed out.  
  
"Wouldn't you be? He was loosing his hearing and he feared that when he went deaf, he would loose what made him special."  
  
"I still think you should listen to something more upbeat." Asuka said. "Do you have any Tchaikovsky or Vivaldi?"  
  
"I have the Four Seasons on a disc somewhere." Shinji said. "But it doesn't get anymore upbeat than Ode to Joy."  
  
"Well, that was an exception of the typical Beethoven. It's a good piece." The redhead said. "Do you have it somewhere?"  
  
"Yeah, that's what I'm listening to."  
  
"What?" Asuka pushed herself away from the rail and snatched one of Shinji's earphones as she sat down next to him on the bench. "I want to listen."  
  
If someone had told her that she would have ended up sitting with this boy, listening to Beethoven's Ninth at sunset, Asuka would have bitten their head off, but know that it was actually happening it was strange. She waited for her inner voice to yell at her and make her realize how stupid she was being, but the voice never materialized. The music was soothing, almost as soothing as Shinji's presence.  
  
'I need you.' The words played in her head again and again. She had fought them with everything she could muster and lost. She wanted to believe it as much as she wanted to believe that she could escape the sorrow.  
  
'I hate feeling like this. I hate not wanting to be alone, I hate wanting for someone to care, I hate thinking about it, I hate thinking about you.' Asuka had told the boy that day out on the same balcony. 'But.I can't help it.'  
  
'Y-you think about me?'  
  
'Yeah. I'm really pathetic, aren't I?'  
  
'I don't think it's.pathetic. I think about you too.'  
  
Asuka knew she couldn't afford to believe it. It would hurt her too much do so, and she was afraid of it, afraid that he would not understand her and reject her and then, what would she do? She hated thinking about it, the Second Child shouldn't be afraid of anything, yet here she was.  
  
She couldn't let him know what she had begun to feel for him. He was a boy and she hated boys.she shouldn't be feeling this way. What if he didn't understand? What if he pushed away? What if he hurt her? What would she do then?  
  
Something similar was going through Shinji's mind. He found the situation hard to believe and was somewhat afraid that Asuka would yell at him for some reason. She always did and then pushed him away and went to suffer alone, but now, as she sat here holding the earphone snugly in place, it was impossible to think that she was the troubled girl he'd known for what seemed like an eternity. Shinji was grateful he had someone like Asuka here by his side. She was his antithesis. She was strong where he was weak. She was outspoken. She was charming, thought her temper could be something of an acquired taste, like caviar.  
  
Shinji was afraid to say anything. He was afraid that she would insult him, scream at him and call him stupid. There were few things he had come to fear more than her temper, but now all of those bad things appeared so distant, leaving only the girl to frighten him.  
  
Their eyes never met, partly because the last time they shared a moment like this they ended up in each other's arms sharing a sensation they both welcomed and feared at the same time, and stared at the crimson horizon. Shinji wondered what was going on in that pretty head of Asuka's, but he was not going to ask. He couldn't risk it.  
  
The Third Child began humming the Ode to Joy and closed his eyes.  
  
".Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele."  
  
He was surprised by the voice, since he had never heard Asuka sing anything before. She was out-of-tune and the words didn't make any sense to him, but it was still one of the most beautiful things he'd ever heard.  
  
".Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben."  
  
It was at this very moment when he realized that Asuka was holding his hand.  
  
".Und der Cherub steht vor Gott!"  
  
X  
  
To be continued. 


	10. Canon (interlude)

**Notes: **Um, this is mostly an interlude so no major story developement here. However, this serves to expand on the personalities of the ACCs as well as define them by meams of their relation to some of the Eva cast. Most remarkably is the relation between Keiko and Asuka which dwels on both their diferences and explores their own similarities. As you can probably tell, the title comes from a musical piece by Pachelbel, a German composer who had great influence in J. S . Bach and others. 'Canon in D' is his masterpiece, meant to be played with a string quartet, but since this is an interlude to a bigger story, one of the variations seemed more apropiate.   
****   
****   
**** ****

**Genocide: Canon**

By: Rommel   


**Johann Pachelbel's 'Canon in D'**   


_Variations_   


**'Solo Piano'//Genocide 0:09.5**

  
  
__

_The girl's fingers danced on the piano like a rhythmic waltz. Every stroke of the keys produced at the same time a clear, distinguished note and a sad nostalgic tone and it all mixed together in natural harmony with the air and sound around them. The variations in the notes were soft, sublime and gentle as they poured from the piano's bowels and lingered lazily in the echo of the empty chamber. They banded together and created the melody of the soul which streamed from the girl's own awareness. It was a sad tune, not just because she felt like playing something sad, but also because it suited her. She felt the weight of the world in those notes and embraced them knowing that they were a part of her that no one would ever be able to take away. They were her own reflection, a piece of her reality, or her existence and they stood for her and sang for her.___

_The brunette girl closed her eyes and allowed the notes to overcome her. She knew the melody by heart and her fingers took a life of their own. The music soothed her. It made her feel that there was nothing else in the world. She retreated to the quiet confines of her mind and listened to the notes.___

_She couldn't remember when she had learned them, though. It was so long ago, in another era, another life and maybe another world. All she knew was that they were all she had, because they came from her. She was creating them as she played, much in the same way as a god creates individuals to serve and make him company. She felt elated that the notes were so comforting, so intimate.___

_Later on she would look at this moment and remember how happy she had been, how distant everything seemed, how much joy there was in a young life with everything to live for.___

_She would gaze at these notes and regret that she had ever changed._   
  


* * *

  


The first salvo from the palette gun sailed wide to the left of the target, as did the second and third ones. She allowed her finger to let go of the trigger and took a deep breath. It was getting ridiculous. 

"Keiko-chan, you have to relax. The targeting system will correct for the trajectory." Maya instructed over the communication system. "Wait for the computer to give you a shooting solution and squeeze the trigger gently." 

Keiko ignored her. She had been doing just that for the last forty minutes and she was still to score a hit. Maya made it sound so simple. 

The second set of salvos also missed to the left. 

"Hold your fire." Maya ordered. "Let me re-calibrate the system." 

The simulator scenario had been taken from one of the previous engagement and the target was one of the old Angels. The creature looked like a giant torso, no legs, no arms, and a small head lodged so low between its shoulders that it completed the illusion. This Angel, she had been told, had ripped through the Geo-Front, torn Unit 02 apart, forced Unit 00 to smash into it with an N2 Mine and was ultimately annihilated by Unit 01. Keiko was horrified: it had taken three combat-proven Evangelions to destroy the Angel. What was she going to do if they sent her out to fight something like that? 

No, she had decided. They wouldn't send her out. It would serve no purpose, since she hadn't even learned to walk in the Eva, let alone fight. 

Keiko surveyed scenery outside the entry-plug. She was standing in the middle of a forest with the NERV pyramid behind her and the Angel standing motionless in front. Everything looked so real that she could have sworn she was looking out of a glass window, but she knew better. It was a computer simulator. Unit 08 was not standing in the middle on a forest but locked away in one of the cages in Central Dogma, secured upright by cables and harnesses. The pilot had learned to stand and move her arms, but not to walk so she had to do her best to remain still, though the Eva's lower body had been locked as a precaution. It was like learning how to move all over again. 

The weapon's tests were difficult and tiring, but she preferred them to the synchronization ones. Firing the guns, rifles, missile launchers and other assorted weaponry kept her mind busy and prevented the emotions from overwhelming her. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or something else. Whatever it was, she preferred it to quietly sitting on the entry-plug with nothing else to do for hours but watch images of her past. She couldn't understand it. The entry-plug was like a beacon for the memories, all the things she wanted to forget, and at the same time it made her long for something. She didn't feel uncomfortable or sad, just overwhelmed. It was a nice, familiar sensation, but it was that one thing which triggered the emotions. She had never felt that sentiment since her mother died. 

"All done." Maya informed. "Try again. Aim a little high so the computer will compensate for gravity." 

Keiko squeezed her left trigger. The gun ejected a volley of salvos, creating a thin arch on the screen as the superheated, depleted uranium shells traced their trajectory from the gun's sleek barrel to their intended destination. The young pilot thought she had missed again, but when the salvos approached their target, the downward ellipse of the arch became steeper as if the pull of gravity had suddenly increased on the salvo's mass. 

"Nice shot!" Maya called out, her voice full with excitement. "A direct hit!" 

Keiko almost smiled. Maybe she was not so worthless after all.   


***   


Junichi Nakayima was alone. Not because he liked it. He was alone because he had to be. What good would companionship do to someone like him, anyway? He had been alone for so long that it seemed it had always been like this. Ever since his father died he had been by himself. No one had ever cared, so what did it mattered now. There had been the occasional relationships with women he barely knew and all ended the same way. He was not social enough for any of them. He was not honest or considerate. He knew they really wanted nothing from him, just like he wanted nothing from them. There was nothing they could do for him and vice-versa. He had given up on socializing a while back. He was a tool for bigger men, but that did not bother him. His existence was meaningless, but he was aware that he still had several things to do before he was ready to give up on life. 

So he was alone. 

What did it matter, anyway? 

"Nakayima-san?" 

It was not even his real name, but he had taken it up as his own. He had to live the lie. His father had made many enemies. He couldn't let that be a factor. It was too important and a life depended on it. He had never told her. What would've been the use? She had never understood these things. She was not like him and it was better if she never knew the truth. But he had made a mistake and now he was paying for it. 

The rain was annoying. It filtered into everything like a virus. Even as he stood on the small, roofed deck outside of the grocery store holding a plastic bag packed with bottles of booze and microwave dinners. 

"Nakayima-san?" 

"Uh?" The agent didn't open his eyes as he recognized the voice as that of Miko Mineguno, the girl he had met a few days back. "Lt. Mineguno?" 

"What are you doing here?" The girl inquired. "Shouldn't you be working?" 

Nakayima shrugged. 

"Who cares?" He whispered. "I've already failed." 

"What do you mean?" Miko was intrigued by his reply. 

"Nothing." The agent didn't realize he had said that aloud. "It's none of your business." 

"I know, sorry." Miko almost blushed. She knew that it didn't concern her, but there was something about the agent that appealed to her. He was not the type of man she was used to meet. First of all, he was yet to make a move at her and second, he didn't appear to care about anything. "It's just that you seemed…troubled." 

"We all have our own problems." Nakayima slowly opened his eyes and gazed at the blonde girl stand a few feet to his right. 

"That is true." Miko said, sounding regretful. 

"What is this all about, Lieutenant?" The agent demanded. "This city is too big for two people to just run into each other." 

The girl's face went red with embarrassment. She didn't think it would be that obvious and had hoped that he wouldn't notice it was more than just coincidence. But honesty was her forte. She couldn't lie about it and, judging by the way he looked at her, the agent knew it. Granted, it had been a move of desperation, but what else was there to do? 

"You…are right." She admitted as the rosy flush spread over her pale cheeks. "I came looking for you." 

"Why?" 

"Because I needed to talk…to someone." The girl looked away, unable to face him evenly. 

There was something about the girl that Nakayima found enticing. It was not just the physical attraction that he had felt for so many girls in the past, though Miko had nothing to envy to any of them. There was an unrestrained openness, a quiet dignity, an almost cruel honesty that he couldn't block out. She was not like anyone he had met before. 

"Is that so?" He said simply. Nothing else came to mind. 

"Think what you want, but I should let you know that ever since I came here, you are the only person that doesn't treat me like a pawn." Miko explained, her words were barely audible. "That is why I've sought you out. Everyone else wants something from me, but you…you expect nothing. That day in the cafeteria, you listened to me." 

"I don't think I'm the best person to talk to you." Nakayima replied. "You are too different from me. I've made my life by ignoring people, by pushing away, by lying. That is all I know and you should stay away from me. For your own safety." 

"No, I can't." Miko took a step forward. "Not anymore. Not ever again. What is it about me that makes you push away?" 

"It's not you. You are a lovely young woman, you deserve more." Nakayima was not sure about what he was saying. What did she want from him? He knew he couldn't let her close. 

"I do not want a relationship, Nakayima-san." Miko pointed out. "I've had enough of those to know that they don't work out. All I want is…a friend." 

"Look elsewhere. Being with me is not good for you." 

"There is no one else to turn to. Everyone else is too used to this place. Used to not caring, and not giving a damn, but you…" 

"I am bad for you!" 

Nakayima's outburst made her fall silent. She looked like a deer in headlights. The agent realized that it was the wrong thing to say, though he did mean it. This girl would never understand and he couldn't explain it. 

He shook his head slowly. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…yell at you." He apologized. "But you have to listen to me. I cannot let you get close to me, not even as a friend. It is dangerous for both of us. The people I work for wouldn't hesitate to use you against me." 

Miko understood then. He was afraid. Not just afraid for himself, but for her as well. Was such a person worth it? She believed so. 

"I don't care." She said. 

Nakayima nodded. He couldn't say anything to change her mind. She was too much of a liability. If Kluge found out that there was someone else close to him, he would use her too. But what could he do? Miko wouldn't listen and he was tired of pushing away. 

What does it matter? He asked himself cynically. I've failed already. 

"If it's really what you want, but I think you are making a mistake."   


***   


"I am not pleased with the lack of progress." Ikari said, as he watched the entry-plug being removed from Unit 08. "The schedule most be followed." 

"There is not much more I can do without pushing the pilot to her limits." Ritsuko pointed out. 

The huge hydraulic crane pulled the sleek, cylindrical plug out of the Eva's and set it down on the deck next to it. 

"The pilot must be ready. We have too much at stake." 

"If you had allowed me to finish the Dummy, we could have put it to use with Unit 08." 

"No. We know that the Dummy doesn't work when it comes to dealing with the Tablet and these Angels. A human soul is required." Ikari said. His voice was stern. "I had hoped to avoid it, but the circumstances have dictated otherwise." 

"So what do you propose we do?" Ritsuko shoved her hands into her lab coat's pockets like she always did. 

"Run a simulator exercise." Ikari answered. "I have been told that the technicians have finish developing a new one. They call it Exercise White." 

"I've heard about it, but I don't think the pilot is ready for anything that complex." 

"That is the problem, Dr. Akagi. The pilot is not ready for a simple exercise, so what will we do if it comes to using her in combat?" 

Ritsuko understood what the Commander mean: a pilot how couldn't fight was almost no use at all. 

"I will run the exercise then. Maybe something good will come out of it." 

Ikari nodded, as if the token gesture would mean anything. 

"The clock is ticking." 

"I know." 

"And, Doctor, do all you can to minimize set-backs."   


***   


Maya had always enjoyed the state of half-sleep that came every morning before she gained full awareness. It was like a quiet, blissful shroud that covered everything in an uncanny peace, as if the entire world around her no longer existed. 

She found it strange that she had managed to make it home last night. This place was like a lost oasis to her, since she spent so little time at the place, and longed for the comfort it provided. 

The apartment was small, as were all those provided by NERV, and it had a single bedroom, a kitchen, a somewhat spacious living room and a bathroom. It was all the really needed and the small size provided her with one more element of security. She liked it here. 

Maya had very little furniture. She had never had a need for things to populate the apartment with, and most of everything was on the one room she used the most, the bedroom. At twenty-four, Maya was more mature than most people her age, but there were still traces of the transition between childhood and adulthood in her room: the assorted teddy bears, stuffed animals and other detritus of youth mixed with philosophy books and other symbols of maturity as if in some poetic balance in respect to her own life. 

She loved it here. She was safe. 

The phone brought Maya back into reality, making her conscious of her surroundings. She wanted to ignore it and continue to lie here, on top of her warm bed sheets, comfortably dressed in her sleepwear, which consisted of nothing more than a pair of short jeans and a loose top. She wanted the phone just shut up and tried to block out the piercing shriek of its ringer. It did not work. 

Mercifully, the answering machine kicked in. 

"This is Maya Ibuki. I'm not home right now so if you really need to talk to me, leave a message. Bye!" 

Maya smiled at the childish tone of her voice. Anyone who listened to her recording would think she was probably a schoolgirl. 

"Maya?" Hyouga's voice was immediately recognizable. "Are you home? Guess not. Anyway, we need you here. Dr. Akagi is gonna run an exercise and you have been called for. I'm going to try your cell. See you." 

And just like that her cell phone began ringing. Maya frowned and closed her dark brown eyes. There was no escaping NERV. Hyouga knew she always carried her cell-phone with her so even if she failed to check her messages at home, she would always get the messages on her cellular. The girl refused to answer and allowed the built in machine to get the call. She would have to check her voicemail, but was pretty sure the message would be the same thing she had already heard. 

She lingered a few more seconds on her bed, staring at the ceiling, before she found the will power to rise and head for the bathroom to shower and brush her teeth.   


***   


"Exercise White?" Aoba raised an eyebrow. "I've never heard of that one before." 

"It's a new one." Hyouga replied. "Apparently the boys over at System Development have had to much time in their hands. I talked to one of them the other day. He says it's like developing video games." 

"Lucky bastards." Aoba scoffed. "We do all the heavy work and they play video games all day." 

"It's a cruel world." 

"Which reminds me, have you called Maya and Haruna?" 

"I left a message for Maya and Haruna is on her way." He leaned back on his chair and took a cookie from the box he had set by his console. "I still think you should have called her. She is your girlfriend after all." 

"Not anymore." Aoba pointed out. 

"What happened?" 

"Haruna is a nice girl, but she's just…not my type." 

"I can't imagine someone not being your type." 

"Well, it's one of those things." 

Hyouga grunted in disapproval. 

"OK moving on. What is the deal with this Exercise White?" Aoba inquired as part of a ploy to change the subject. 

"I've heard it's a hand-to-hand combat simulator designed for multiple users." 

"You mean…" 

"Yes. For more than one Eva." Hyouga said. "Not just that, but the Evas fight each other, like a kind of city-wide battle royal. Supposedly it's because several of the last Angels have been Evangelion Units." 

"Now that makes sense." 

Hyouga shook his head. 

"It makes too much sense." 

"What do you mean?" Aoba's confusion was evident in his words. 

"Well, that it's such a common occurrence that they have to train for it by creating a simulator. I think it's just a way of desensitizing the pilots to the provability of fighting another Eva Unit." Hyouga explained. 

"You can't blame them, though."   


***   


By the time Keiko had managed to get her white, black and gold plug-suit to her waistline, Asuka was already fully suited. She marveled the redhead's grace of movement even with dealing with the obnoxious rubber-latex outfit. Asuka was probably used to it by now, Keiko decided. She had to be since she had been doing this for so long, while Keiko, on the other hand, had just received her own suit a few days before. She had to admit that it was a nicer fit than the first 'test' one she had been given, and it felt lighter and was easier to handle, but that still did not make the chore of getting in on any simpler. 

She was nervous and more than one time her mind had wandered away from the task at hand. What had she gotten herself into? She couldn't believe what she was about to do and wanted out of it, but a part of her knew that was not an option. Everybody wanted this from her, even her own mother. She couldn't let her down. 

How does she do it? Keiko wondered as she focused on Asuka, as the redhead finished sealing the collar of her plug-suit. Once it was done, she lifted her hair over her shoulders and allowed to flow down her back. She pressed a button on the small wristband computer and the suit's mechanism hissed as it vented the air out and tightened around her body. 

"What are you gawking at?" Asuka's question was scornful. She didn't even turn to look at the brunette. 

"N-nothing." Came Keiko's muffled reply. 

"Then stop staring at me like a lost puppy." 

"Sorry." 

Asuka placed the clothes she had just slipped out of on her locker and slammed the door shut. 

"I've told you to stop being so damn apologetic. It makes me sick." She sneered. "You are a pilot, it's about time you act like one." 

"I was just…thinking about how hard this is." Keiko tried to explain. "But you…do it so naturally." 

"That's because I was born to do it." 

Keiko knew what she meant by that. There was enough spite in her words to make her realize it. The brunette began fitting the upper part of the one-piece plug-suit and almost became entangled in a web of rubber. It was frustrating. The inside of the suit was lined with some kind of spandex material that stuck to her bare skin making it more or less impossible to slide into any part of it. She struggled for a few minutes and almost lost her balance a few times, but finally managed to wrap the garment on her arms and over her shoulders. 

Asuka watched the girl thrash about and shook her head. 

"Pathetic." 

"I'm doing the best I can." Keiko replied. She was exhausted, took a seat on one of the locker room benches to catch her breath and began fiddling with the front of the suit. It took her a few more minutes to fit it over her chest in such a way that it wouldn't pinch, squeeze or do any other generally uncomfortable things. 

"Well move it. If we don't get out of here soon, they'll probably sent a search party for us." 

Keiko ignored that last remark as she stood and, having made sure the seals were all secured, pressed her right wrist. She squeezed her eyes shut and gasped as the suit closed around her body with an iron grip.   


***   


"This is not acceptable, Maya." Ritsuko folded her arms across her chest. "I am not looking for excuses." 

"But the voltage levels are still too high." Maya tried to explain, but she was sure than nothing she could say would have effect on her superior" 

"That is a minor detail. The exercise goes on as planned." 

"Yes, sempai. I understand, but I'm concerned for the safety of the pilots. An electrical surge…" 

"Your concern is noted, now proceed." 

They were on the main testing control room, which overlooked the two entry-plugs lined side-by-side on the deck beyond the observation glass. Apart from the two women, a small army of technicians and operators sitting on their consoles and other surveying stations filled the space. Hyouga and Aoba had the two main terminals. 

"Shouldn't we wait for Major Katsuragi?" Maya inquired. She was somewhat surprised that the Major had not yet arrived, but understood if the girl had other things in her mind. 

"No, the Major will not be joining us." Ritsuko explained. "She will be informed of any progress in a report. Her presence here would only be burdensome." 

Maya nodded, though she felt that to go head without Misato was wrong since she was the one in charge of the pilots. In all honesty that was just one of the things that made Maya uncomfortable about the entire situation. Adding to that was the general feeling of guilt for doing this to Keiko. The girl had problems with it came to walking in the Evangelion, so how did they expect her to fight? Maya had been against this and she had already filed a protest, but she was aware that it wouldn't do her any good. 

"Both pilots are in place, Doctor." One of the technicians reported. 

Ritsuko nodded. 

"Link the plugs to the simulation system." She ordered. "Activate all nerve connections. Stabilize A-10 remote synchronization protocol." 

"Main links to the system have been engaged." Another operator reported. "All nerve connections are secure." 

"Hyouga, what is Unit 02's status?" Maya inquired. 

"All systems are nominal. Vital signs are stable. Neural links are clear. Synch-ratio holding at 55.5%." 

Maya nodded. 

"What is Unit 08's status?" 

This time, it was Aoba who answered. 

"Systems are acceptable. Vital signs are stable. Neural links are a little shaky. I have upper level disturbances. Synch-ratio is 21.6%." He said. "Doctor, the pilot's EKG is almost off the scale." 

"She's nervous." Maya whispered as much to herself as to all those in the room. 

"That won't do her any good." Ritsuko replied in a cold tone. 

Maya grunted. She had never been able to comprehend how the blonde Doctor could be so cold. 

"Open communication links to both pilots and feed the simulation protocol simultaneously." Ritsuko ordered. "Enable the MAGI's graphics line and load all analog and digital data into the Eva's main System Interface." 

"Loading." Hyouga reported.   


***   


If it had been physically possible for Keiko's heart to burst out of her chest, there was no doubt in her mind that it would have. As it was, she could feel it pounding against her ribcage with such strength that she had to force herself to breath in huge gulps of LCL to try and calm down. She hated the smell and taste of the liquid and her stomach complained. 

When the light came on inside the plug, Keiko almost jumped out of her command seat. These people did not know the meaning of the word subtle, she decided. 

"Okay, pay attention." Ritsuko's image appeared on the communication's console. She looked calm, as if nothing extraordinary were going on. "This is a simulator and it's important for you to understand that nothing here is real." 

"I've got it." Keiko acknowledged monotonously. 

"Now, the system has been calibrated to Unit 08's exact specifications. You will feel the same way as you would feel in it for real. The remote synchronization protocol will allow you to feel weight, gravity, inertia, pain..." 

The brunette girl's eyes shot wide open. 

"P-pain?" 

"It's not real. Your central nervous system has been connected to the Eva's. It allows you to control it as you would your own body, but whatever the Eva feels, you feel." 

Keiko's throat was dry. 

"I'm not sure I like how that sounds, Doctor." 

"Technology is a wonderful thing, get used to it." That was the only reply she got. 

The entry-plug was once again plunged into a half-darkness only to be illuminated immediately by a ring of light that coursed across the cylindrical confines. The brunette girl closed her eyes as the ring passed over her and when she opened them again, the empty space had been replaced with the canopy-like layout of the plug's main observation window. She could see the city landscape outside. 

"It would have been a lot simpler to have you sortie in Unit 08, but since we are running on space constraints and because we can't afford any incidents, it was deemed safer if you went out on the simulator for the first time. Now, Eva units are weapons of close quarters combat, so pilots must have self-defense skill, but in your case we'll make an exception." 

"Close combat?" Keiko felt her stomach sink. "I thought it was just gonna be shooting the rifle." 

"Don't worry. You won't see any actual combat. We will focus on motor skills this time." 

"Okay." The girl replied nervously. 

Unit 08 had been placed on the easternmost end of a canyon of buildings, like those found in big cites. It was a virtual representation of downtown Tokyo-3, which no longer existed. On the opposite end of the canyon, Unit 02 was standing, arms on its hips and looking, much like its pilot, really annoyed. 

"As you probably know, the Eva moves as you move so all you have to do is focus on your movements and think about doing something. The Eva's systems will interpret your brain's electric impulses and respond accordingly." Ritsuko explained. "Try walking."   


***   


From her point of view inside Unit 02's entry-plug, Asuka watched as Unit 08 took a step forward. The white Evangelion moved sluggishly, like a drunken demon. The Second Child could tell Keiko was having problems. Unit 08 struggled to find its balance and it had only taken its third step before it lost all equilibrium. 

The eyeless monster fell like an old oak, with just as much thunder and commotion. Asuka neglected to open a communication link to the other Evangelion, but now she enabled it with an almost enthusiast hilarity. 

"What's the matter? You can't even make it walk?" 

There was no reply. Keiko was too busy trying to bring Unit 08 back to its feet. This she finally did by leaning heavily against one of the nearby buildings. 

"This is a waste of time." 

"Be quiet, Asuka." The reply came not from Keiko in Unit 08, but from the Maya in the control room. "This is difficult enough for her as it is." 

Asuka snickered. 

"I thought this was supposed to be a combat simulator." She narrowed her eyes. "I have better things to do with my time than sit here while the crybaby learns to walk." 

"Be quiet." That was the only reply she got. 

"This is ridiculous."   


***   


Keiko managed to gain some stability as she pushed Unit 08 away from the building it had been leaning against and used the weight of both her body and the Unit for balance. Everything felt heavy. It was like moving underwater and her muscles complained from the strain. And the fact that she could hear Asuka's voice did not help. 

"Damn it, Nagara. Do something right for a change. It's not that hard." 

"I'm trying." Keiko replied remorsefully. She couldn't even make the Eva walk. What had made her think she could do this? 

"All right, just remember that the Eva will respond to your brain, not your body. Everything is regulated through electric impulses, which is what causes physical movements in the first place." Ritsuko said. 

"It's not that easy!" The brunette replied in frustration. 

She brought Unit 08 back to a standing position. On the other side of the canyon, she could see the red Evangelion taping its foot on the ground. 

"This is going nowhere." Asuka declared. She had had enough. "I'm not going to get stuck here all day because of you." 

Keiko's brain failed to comprehend what happened next, but a primal part of her subconscious awakened with horror. Unit 02 sprung from its position opposite her and covered the hundreds of yard of distance in seconds. Her eyes grew wide open with fear. She froze and, though a part of her told her to get out of the way, her body failed to respond. She was too afraid. 

"Asuka!!!" In the control room, Maya screamed. 

As Unit 02 closed the final yards to the white Evangelion, it leaped into the air and spun like a gifted ballerina, and smashed into it feet first. 

For Keiko, the impact was as if she had just collided with a concrete wall. She screamed and tried to move, but something pressed her body against the seat. The girl failed to realize it, but because the impact had send Unit 08 on its back, and because Unit 02 was straddling it, effectively pinning it with its weight, she was rendered helpless. 

"Asuka, knock it off!" 

Keiko was in so much pain that it almost became a tangible thing. She panicked and screamed as she frantically tried to escape the weight placed on her body by the attacking Evangelion. The impact had forced all the oxygenated LCL out of her lungs and now she desperately struggled for breath. Her body began convulsing and jerking, completely out of her control, as if an ancient built-in mechanism of survival had kicked in. Keiko managed to take one deep gulp of the LCL and immediately felt her mouth fill with something else. She was glad she had decided not to eat anything before climbing in the Eva, but now her mouth was full of bile. The sour liquid forced her to gag. The brunette shook her head in desperation. She couldn't breath without choking on her own bile, nor could she scream anymore. 

"Asuka, get off of her!" Ritsuko commanded. 

Outside, Keiko could see Unit 02 towering over her. She reached out with a hand and attempted to claw at the thing, but it was no more than a token gesture of her own desire to survive. Her eyes rolled over. 

"Asuka!!!" 

Keiko though she was going to die. She would have cried if she could've. 

"Goddammit! Terminate the exercise! Sever all connections!" 

Those were the last words the brunette heard before she slipped into unconsciousness.   


***   


"Have you lost your mind?" Misato couldn't hide the anger in her voice. 

"No." Asuka replied focusing on her room's ceiling. 

"What in the hell got into you?" 

Asuka rolled over on her bed so she wouldn't have to see Misato out of the corner of her eye. The Major had been yelling at her almost non-stop for the last 10 minutes. 

"I only did what I was supposed to." 

"You were not supposed to hurt her!" 

"It was a combat exercise, if they didn't want any combat, they shouldn't have had me there. It was a waste of time." 

Misato didn't know what else to say. She just stared at the redhead and knew that there was nothing she could do that would make Asuka listen to her. 

"Besides," Asuka continued. "I didn't try to hurt her. If I had wanted to, she would be strapped to a life support machine right now. I didn't do anything to her, I just pinned her to the ground and you all act like I tried to murder her. How do you think she's going to do when an Angel comes?" 

"That is beyond the point. Today, you showed incredible disregard for a fellow pilot's life! You could have killed her!" Misato retorted. 

"She's not a pilot, just an excuse for one." 

"You almost killed her!" 

"She's not even in the hospital anymore." 

Misato frowned. 

"You are going to apologize to her." 

"For what?" Asuka scoffed. "For doing what I'm supposed to do?" 

"It doesn't matter, but you WILL apologize." Misato affirmed with the voice of a drill sergeant. 

"No, I won't." Asuka replied. 

"You will, even if I have to stuff you in my Alpine's trunk and drive you over there kicking and screaming! This is not open to debate, you will do it, period!" 

Asuka had had enough. She sat up on the bed with the intend of giving Misato a piece of her mind, but a single look at the Major's eyes was enough to deter her. She knew then that she couldn't win, and that further conflict would do her no good. Misato couldn't force her to do anything, that much she knew, but there was something in the eyes that made her doubt that. The redhead couldn't remember when she had last seeing Misato so angry. 

"Fine." Asuka said. "Now, leave me alone." 

Misato did not budge. 

"What?" Asuka demanded. 

"Right now!"   


***   


Keiko Nagara took a step back as the door slid open to reveal Misato and Asuka standing on the other side. The sight of the redhead pilot had an instinctive effect on her. She would have rather run and hide in her room than face her. Asuka had always intimidated her, but now she was downright afraid. 

"Hello, Ms. Nagara." Misato said as a way of greeting. The cheerfulness in her voice was noticeably faked. 

"H-hi, Major Katsuragi." The brunette politely, without taking her eyes off of Asuka. "Good evening." 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Better, thank you." Keiko whispered nervously. "W-what can I do for you?" 

"Asuka here has something to say to you." The Major said, nudging the redhead in the arm. 

"Get lost, Misato. This is between me and her." Asuka muttered. 

Misato saw no point in countering Asuka's rudeness, so she just nodded her agreement. It would be better for the girls to talk it out between themselves, anyway, though she did think twice about leaving Asuka alone with Keiko again. 

"You can come in if you like, Major Katsuragi. There's some coffee in the kitchen." Keiko said, as she stood aside to let Misato through. 

"Thank you." The Major bowed slightly as she entered the small apartment, which was not so unlike her own. 

"You can come in too, if you want, Asuka." 

"No. We can talk out here." The redhead replied. She was not willing to risk loosing control of the situation by giving this girl home-field advantage. 

Keiko nodded, hesitantly and stepped out on the hallway without even putting on her shoes. She floor felt cold as it came into contact with her bare feet, but that was the least of her sores. Every muscle hurt, the pain in her head had gone from a stabbing throb to a constant numbness. She had to lean against the wall to keep herself standing. 

"Misato wants me to apologize." Asuka said, bluntly. "But I won't. You don't deserve one. I am sick of people yelling at me for doing my job. I am sick of been forced to do monotonous tests and I'm sick of you. You are not a pilot, so why should I treat you as such. You are just someone they put in the Eva, God knows why, and expect it to work." 

Keiko allowed her head to drop. 

"You are right," She whispered. Her voice was barely audible. "I am not a pilot. I fooled myself into thinking otherwise. I though I could do it and that it was the best thing for me, but I…was just being stupid." 

"What happened in the simulator is nothing." Asuka pointed out, almost cynically. "What do you think will happen when you have to fight an Angel? Do you think they will take pity on you, or that they will stop so you can catch your breath? They will take you apart. They will look into your head and rip you to shreds." 

"I…know, but…what can I do?" Keiko said. There was a quiet tone of despair in those words. "I'm trying my best." 

"You should quit." 

The brunette shook her head. 

"I can't." She said. "I can't. There is something that I…sense in the Eva. It's like no other feeling. I feel secure, almost…comforted. I don't know how to explain it, but I know I can't quit. I long for that feeling..." 

"Is it worth getting killed over?" 

"I don't know, but I can't…block it out." Keiko closed her eyes. "I wish I could quit. There is too much pain, too much…suffering, but the feeling is reassuring…I want to quit, but I just…can't." 

"You wouldn't last five minutes in a fight, you know. An Angel, for all I care, can waste you, but if you are sent out with someone else, then it's not only your life but also the life of that someone that hangs in the balance. Eva pilots are a team. We may hate things about each other, but in combat we know we can trust each other with our lives. I wouldn't want to get caught in a fight with you by my side, though. You are danger to yourself and those around you." 

"I know. You've been right about me all along." Keiko's voice began to quiver. "I…should have never accepted to pilot the Eva, but what was I supposed to do? I just wanted to do what my mother would have wanted for me." 

Though she didn't feel like being sympathetic, that last statement sparked something deep within Asuka's subconscious. 

"Your mother?" 

"I…think that she would have wanted me to pilot the Eva. She spent all her life working on it, and it killed her, but...I just thought it was what she wanted for me. I thought that it would make her happy." 

"We make our own lives, not the lives others wanted for us." Asuka said, not sure if she even believed it. "If you depend on others, then you are weak, because you can't live for yourself. It's always what others want and what they impose on you. Even if it's your own mother." 

"But…" Keiko began, but Asuka cut her short. 

"You are pathetic. Life is much more than living for others, but if you are not strong enough, you deserve to die." 

Those words brought a forgotten memory to Keiko's mind. 

_'You are with me. I will always be there.'___

_'I know, Mama.'_

The brunette felt her heart sink. 

"I…wanted to die." She sobbed. "When I lost my mother, I wanted to die. I didn't sleep or eat, or nothing…even if I was a little girl, I remember the sensation. There was nothing in the world for me. I wanted to…just die." 

Asuka said nothing. The girl's lexis echoed in her mind. There was so much pain in her words. She understood then: they were more similar than she would ever dare imagine, but they were different in the way they dealt with their loss. While Asuka strove to be acknowledged, Keiko just…lingered in the aftermath of her mother's death. Asuka had once felt like dying too, several times in fact, but there was always something that kept her going. 

"I miss my Mama," Keiko couldn't hold the tears anymore as the buried images of happier times flooded her head. "I want my Mama back!" 

Asuka's features softened. The mask of anger and indifference evaporated. This girl was so much like herself. 

"That's why I can't quit…the sensation in the Eva, it's like it used to feel when my Mama held me…and she would whisper in my ear that everything was going to be fine. I wish I could go back. I wish I had never changed." The brunette lost whatever strength she had managed to collect and let the tears flow unrestrained. Her knees buckled and she slid down the wall until the floor stopped her. As the cold hands of desolation closed around her, she drew up her legs and curled as tight as she could. 

Asuka watched as the girl disintegrated emotionally and took in the sounds of sorrow and hopelessness that she had so many times heard coming from her own self. 

"I wish I had died back then…" Keiko began repeating as the desperation set in. "I wish…I had died back then. I don't belong here…I'm no better than her…I should have died with her…I…" 

Asuka didn't say anything. She had no more insults for the time being, though there was no doubt in her mind that such a thing was only temporal. 

Keiko Nagara was so much like herself, Asuka thought. 

And that scared her.   
  


***   


Coming Soon: 

**Genocide 0:10// Shattered.**   
  
  



	11. Shatter

**Evangelion: Genocide**

**By: Rommel**

  
_'Look at the fireworks, Mama!'_ the little child exclaimed in an excited voice.

_'I see them, aren't they pretty?'_ the parent replied, holding the child's hand. 

The child nodded. 'What are they celebrating?' 

_'Christmas,' _came the reply.

_'What's that?'_

_'It's the birth of their Savior,_' the parent answered._ 'They celebrate it every year. This is your first Christmas, isn't it?'_

The child nodded again._ 'Yep, we don't have those where auntie lives.' _

The parent smiled warmly. _'Well, this will be your first of many. You are with me now.' _

"Mama"

A voice murmured in the darkness.** "Keiko"**

_'What happened to Mama?'_ the child asked, as the older girl kneeled in front of her. 

The older girl's face was grim. _'There was an accident.'_

_'Is Mama all right?' _

_'She_' the older girl choked on the words,_ 'She'_

_'Miko, what happened to Mama?' _

_'She'_

"Mama"

The voice came to her again through the darkness. **"Keiko!"**

The brunette girl blinked back to awareness as Ritsuko's voice flooded the dimly-lit entry plug. She shook her head slowly and took in her surroundings. This was the tenth time she'd been in the Eva, yet she couldn't get used to the sensation and every time she closed her eyes a painful memory surfaced. 

The voice poured out of the speakers.** "Keiko, your thought pattern is spiking. Try to concentrate," **Ritsuko informed over the communicator. For the young pilot, it was easier said than done.

Keiko took a deep breath of LCL, making sure she didn't swallow any of it, and let it out slowly. She was tense. The test had gone on longer than she had expected and her anxiety that begun to build. 

Ritsuko continued, not caring to hear a reply. **"The sooner you settle down, the sooner we can get this over with." **

"I'm trying," the girl replied. She had made a habit out of just closing her eyes while attempting to clear her thoughts, but that no longer worked because the memories always washed over her like a wave. 

Keiko squeezed her eyes shut once again and it was then that she felt the tears running down her cheeks. 

Ritsuko pressed her point. **"Your synchrograph is fluctuating,"** the doctor said. **"Try harder."**

Keiko let out a sob. "I'm trying. I really am." 

Another voice flooded the entry-plug. **"Damn it, Nagara. You are crying again?"** Asuka's words broke into the plug like a hammer. **"Can't you keep it together for once?" **

**"Asuka!"** Ritsuko barked. **"I've asked you to stop hazing her!" **

The German redhead let out a groan.** "What? This is your fault for scheduling my test after hers!"** she yelled back in anger.

Ritsuko retorted. **"Her test was given priority over yours." **

**"Pathetic! When the next Angel comes she'll be nothing but cannon fodder." **

**"Asuka!" **the doctor cried.

**"This is a waste of time. Her selection as a pilot must've been someone's idea of a joke." **

Ritsuko had had enough. She overrode Asuka's signal protocol and locked her out of Keiko's communication's system. 

The brunette had not been paying much attention to the exchange that had just taken place, though she had heard what Asuka said about her. She knew the German girl was right. It must have been a cruel joke somebody decided to play on her. 

_'You are with me now,'_ a voice inside her head whispered.

Keiko drew her knees up and buried her head between them. She couldn't put up with it anymore. The sensation was too overwhelming. She knew she had to get out or she would fall apart. "Can we stop?" she pleaded with whoever was willing to hear her. 

**"We need to get this data,"** Ritsuko replied, coldly. **"The Commander insisted on it."**

"I can't do this," Keiko's voice began to break down. "Please, stop it."

Ritsuko tried to reason with her, but there was nothing she could really do. **"Keiko"**

"Please, stop it! I can't take it anymore," the brunette cried. 

Ritsuko thought about her options for a few seconds before replying. **"All right. We'll finish here today and continue tomorrow." **

  
X

**"Your anxiety is directly proportional to your forgetfulness of nature, for you bring on yourself unlimited fears and desires."  
_-Epicurus_**

**  
Genocide 0:10**

**Shatter**

X

  
"I appreciate the dinner, girls," Nakayima said as he set his chopsticks on the edge of the plate. "I can't remember the last time I had something this good." 

"It's OK, Nakayima-san. I was not gonna have you over just to offer you booze," Miko replied with a beaming smile, though that gesture did very little to alleviate the generally depressing mood that had gripped the evening. 

"Well, food and booze. No one in their right mind would say no to that," the Agent said.

It had all been Miko's idea and she had been rather adamant about it. Keiko understood, though. Her guardian was not a shinning example of what a good social life was, so when she was approached with the idea to share dinner with a man she had never met before simply because it was evident that Miko liked him, she couldn't refuse. This Nakayima seemed like a nice enough guy. 

Despite this, the rookie pilot was very uncomfortable with the arrangement and that had become quite obvious to both Nakayima and Miko. 

The awkward silence had been the predominant characteristic of the atmosphere as they sat at the small living room table and ate dinner. Miko had cooked, something she did once every blue moon. In Keiko's eyes that alone pointed to the fact that the agent was more than just an acquaintance to her guardian. Where had she met the guy, anyway? She wondered. 

"So, Keiko-chan," Nakayima began, in his latest attempt to break the ice between him and the younger girl. "How does it feel to be an Eva pilot?" 

"Fine," Keiko replied, simply and shrugged. "How is it supposed to feel?" 

Nakayima gave her a curious glance. "I have no idea. I've never met a pilot before," he admitted, focusing on the girl's features. The brunette wore her hair tied in a ponytail, but certain locks still managed to wash delicately across her face. Her eyes wandered, like a pair of lost stars. The agent could tell that something troubled her, and it was not necessarily his presence. 

"She's too modest," Miko broke into the conversation, gazing over at Nakayima. "I think it's a good thing and she should be proud of herself."

"There is nothing to be proud of," Keiko whispered, picking herself up and silently heading for her room. Nakayima focused on the girl's movements. There was a quiet grace that surrounded her, and yet she moved as if carrying a great weight. Her shoulders were slumped and she dragged her bare feet across the floor with uncertain lethargy. 

"Are you going to bed already?" Miko called out to the brunette. 

Keiko shut the door behind her as she entered her room without saying a word. 

"Damn, and I thought I was depressing," Nakayima muttered as he reached for the nearest bottle of liquor, one of the many lined up over the table. 

"She's not always like this," Miko offered, as a way of excuse. She reached out with her glass. The agent understood what she meant and poured her a shot of liquor. 

"Well, we all have our good days and bad days." 

"It's not like that," Miko moved the glass to her lips and took a short sip. "I think it's this place. It brings out the worse in people. Before we came here, she was such a happy girl. You know how kids can be. She was so full of life, so eager to live on, but nowI think I should have never brought her here. This place is so full of sadness."

"You did what you thought was best," Nakayima said, drinking from his glass. "You talk about her being a kid, but you are not much older yourself, are you?"

"I'm nineteen." 

"I'm twenty-six and I can be pretty childish. The point is that I think you expect too much of yourself. You are young and shouldn't worry about this kind of thing. If something bothers her and she wants to talk about it, she'll come to you. If not, then she'll get over it on her own."

"You would make a really bad parent, you know that, right?" 

Nakayima narrowed his eyes. "I know, which is why I never intend to have kids," he said. "I don't need the burden."

"Children are not a burden, Nakayima-san," Miko pointed out. "They are a blessing."

"To each their own, I guess," the agent said, finishing the last of the bottle. "So tell me, how is it that you became her guardian?"

Miko considered his question for a few minutes before replying. She wondered if she really wanted to open that old vault of memories. It couldn't hurt to share them with someone else, could it? "I met Keiko about six years ago when her mother brought her to Germany for the first time. My mom and hers were good friends so naturally we had to get along. I think she was eight at the time. We used to spend a lot of time together, since our mothers were always working. Keiko was like a little sister to me and she still is. I once even took her skating in the Winter Garden in Berlin and bought her coffee."

Nakayima raised an eyebrow. "Coffee?"

Miko shrugged and ran a hand through her dark blond hair. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, a year later Keiko's mother died in some weird lab accident. The details were never made public, but what did I care. My mom decided then that we would take her in with us. It was much better than allowing her to be placed with foster parents."

"It's always the children who suffer the most. One more reason not to have any," Nakayima said apologetically. 

"Think what you will, but I should tell you that I enjoyed the time we spent together after that. My own mother was never there, but I had Keiko. I didn't miss her when she was working. She became like a stranger and secluded herself in her job. She died a week after I turned eighteen. I didn't cry at her funeral, though. I ran out of tears long before that," Miko said, leaning with her elbows on the table and fiddling the empty glass with her fingers. "So now you know, Nakayima-san. Would it be too much if I asked for your story?" 

"I," Nakayima began, thinking about what he would say. He surely couldn't let her know much, if he let her know anything at all. She wouldn't understand, he decided. She was too different, too honest. It would be dangerous and painful. Painful. The thought hit him right there. He had never told anyone about him, not because he wanted to keep it secret but because it brought him pain. People knew what was on the files or other sources, but he had never willingly given away any of it. This girl wouldn't get it. 

"Well?" Miko insisted, staring at her glass. 

"I" Nakayima shook his head, "am not nearly drunk enough to tell you."

  
X

  
Asuka was angry and Shinji could tell that by just looking into her deep blue eyes. She hadn't said anything, which was unusual since she tended to make a spectacle out of everything, and simply committed herself to wandering around the apartment like a prowling cat. This had been going on since she had arrived home from Central Dogma. 

The Third Child had decided that he was not going to push her into telling him what was bothering her. Asuka would do so if she felt like it, so Shinji opted for the preventive defense instead of the frontal approach. 

Time and again the redhead had attempted to settle down, at the kitchen table, the couch, the floor, her bedroom, the tub and pretty much everywhere else, and yet she always ended up on her feet as if some plague would befall her if she stayed down on any one place for a prolonged period of time. 

From his place on the couch, Shinji gazed at her captivated.. He wondered what it was. Could it be in relation to him? Had he done something to upset her? The boy tried his best to find an answer. He knew he hadn't done anything to her, but there was always something with Asuka. Her moods were like the weather, somewhat predictable yet quite untamed. Even someone like Shinji, who had grown used to her, found her difficult to understand. He was afraid of her, but he was certain that she was just as afraid of him and that made it all better. Asuka was a strange girl, but he was an equally strange boy and there was something in that correlation that made it work. 

Finally, Asuka stopped and turned to him. "I'm going out for a walk," she announced loudly. "Come with me."

Shinji understood. It was not a question, nor an order, but rather an invitation in Asuka's traditional fashion. She wanted to talk to him. 

The Third Child got up and made his way to the door by which time Asuka had already slipped into her sneakers and was holding the door open. He got into his shoes and stepped outside. He didn't feel like walking but there was no arguing with Asuka, not that he wanted to argue with her anyway. 

He followed the girl to the small plaza located on the building's central atrium and surrounded by several concrete benches. The night was humid, since it had been raining all day. He felt cold and was pretty sure Asuka was cold too; after all she was only wearing a pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt, but if she was, she didn't show it. 

They made it to one of the benches and Shinji promptly sat, while Asuka chose to stand next to him and gazed at the night sky. The boy was the first to talk. "Uh, Asuka?" he spoke with a dry throat. "W-what is it?"

Asuka glared at him, a gesture that he had already become familiar with. Shinji had to admit it though: his redhead roommate was the only person he knew that could look like she wanted to kill someone and incredibly charming at the same time. He decided that it was something about the way she curled the corners of her mouth slightly upwards, while half-closing her eyes. Asuka ignored the inquiring glance he offered her. "Shut up. I'm doing the talking," she snarled. 

"Okay."

"Listen, Ineed to know something," the redhead began, without looking at him. "If we weren't Eva pilots, I mean, if we were just two normal kids with normal problemswould you still put up with me?" 

Shinji was confused, to say the least. "I-I don't understand" 

"Naturally," Asuka scoffed. "What I mean is, even if there were nothing to make us special, even if we had nothing else, would you stillyou know, be there for me?" 

"I think I would," Shinji replied, uncertain.

Asuka narrowed her eyes. "You think?" 

Shinji quickly corrected himself. "I know I would." 

"Even if there was nothing to make me special?" the redhead pushed the issue, but this time she phrased the question differently. 

"Y-you don't need the Eva to be special," Shinji assured her and attempted a smile. "I thinkyou are special enough on your own."

Asuka sneered. "Pervert, pick-up lines don't work with me."

Shinji panicked, without knowing if she had misunderstood him, or was being sarcastic. "I was notdidn't mean to sound like that, Asuka. Sorry," he attempted and apology. "I was"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Asuka brushed him off. She knew him well enough by now. Shinji would never try a line like that with her. He must've had a momentary mental blackout or something, the redhead decided. 

Neither of them said anything for a while. 

The cicadas chirped in the distance.

"Asuka?"

"What?"

The boy hesitated. "Why did you ask me that?"

The German redhead seemed to consider his question for an eternity, rolling it in her mind and wondering if she should answer. For the first time in the night, their eyes locked.

"My synch-ratio dropped today," Asuka finally informed him. "Five points." 

She didn't have to say anything else. 

The last time Asuka's synch-ratio had dropped life had become a nightmare for her. Shinji could sense the dread in her voice and the thought frightened him. Asuka was the strongest person in his life, in a sense she was like his angular stone, the foundation of his own strength. He would stand as long as Asuka stood with him, but if she collapsed he wouldn't be able to keep himself together. 

Shinji remembered the words he'd spoken to a comatose Asuka, so long ago it seemed. _'Asuka? Please...talk to me,' _he had pleaded, in desperation. _'Asuka...talk to me...say...anything!' _

The Third Child felt a chill as the image of the redhead in the hospital bed hit him. He didn't want to remember her like that. He didn't want it to happen again. 

He wouldn't be able to bear it. 

Asuka remembered it too. She had reason to be afraid.

  
X

  
Keiko stumbled out of her room half asleep, and clumsily made her way to the bathroom. She knew the way by heart so she had no problem navigating in the darkness, but the second she turned the bathroom lights on, the flash of light hurt her eyes. She hated having to get up in the middle of the night to use the toilet, but the alternative would be rather unpleasant and embarrassing. The brunette didn't think much about it, and decided that she might as well accept the fact that it would be nearly impossible to will herself back to sleep. 

She took care of her business, washed her hands and shut the light, but as she made her way back to her room, something broke through the mist that clouded her mind and urged her to get back to bed as soon as possible. 

Keiko heard the voices from the kitchen and frowned. _Is he still here? _she thought to herself. _What is she thinking?_

Silently, she moved towards the kitchen and stopped just a few inches away from the door. A sliver of light pierced the darkness at the spot where the wood-like division failed to meet its frame. 

Nakayima's voice was the first one she was able to make out. "I think that what bothers you is the fact that she's not happy," the agent said, sounding concerned. 

Keiko gently slid the door open just an inch, enough to allow her to peer into the kitchen. 

"I dunno. What's it matter? I made her do it," Miko's voice trembled as she said those words. She was not drunk, that much Keiko could tell, though she didn't doubt that her guardian would rather have been. The blonde girl was sitting on the kitchen table, with her legs folded underneath her and with a bottle of some kind of liquor on her lap. 

"It's not like you forced her," Nakayima, who was standing by the sink with a cup of coffee on his right hand, said. "She chose to do it out of her own free will." 

"I am responsible for her happiness, aren't I? It's my fault that she is not happy," Miko said, shaking her head. "It's my fault."

Keiko was taken aback by her guardian's statement. She had never blamed Miko, nor ever intended to. The decision to pilot the Eva, though somewhat influenced by her discussion with the older girl, was hers alone and she would stand by that decision. 

"Don't say that," Nakayima replied. He was uncomfortable, but couldn't bring himself to keep quiet while Miko went on criticizing herself. 

"I'm sorry I ever thought I could do this. How stupid was it of me to think I could take care of a child, when I'm just a child myself?" 

"You did a good thing." 

Miko closed her eyes. "She could have gone to a nice family. She could have been happy, butI was too afraid of being alone. I had to keep her by my side. I had to be selfish." 

In all honesty, Keiko felt guilty. She couldn't believe that she was the cause of so much of Miko's pain. She had always been grateful that the blonde girl had decided to take her in and spare her the horrors of foster care. Miko was someone she was fond of, ever since she was a little girl, but now she was making her suffer. Keiko wanted to slide the door open and speak to her guardian, telling her that she shouldn't blame herself for anything, but a part of her held her back. 

Slowly, a darker feeling began to surface. _Doesn't she want to be with me?_ Keiko wondered. 

_'You are with me now,'_ the voice within her mind whispered.

_'Don't you want to be with me?' _

Keiko's head dropped. She stood motionless on that same spot; tears now streaming silently down her face, and the voices from beyond the door were soon blocked out by the sound of her own.

"Pleasedon't leave me."

  
X

  
The rag doll hung on the end of the noose. It swung symmetrically, tracing a circle on the air just underneath it. Asuka's blue eyes followed its every movement with the most childish glee. She smiled, a grin of satisfaction, for she hated the doll with every part of her being. It had taken the most precious thing away from her. It deserved it. 

_'Asuka darling, don't look at that girl. She'll yell at you,' _a somber, monotonous voice said. 

"I am your daughter," the redhead cried.

The voice ignored her. _'Asuka, you mustn't complain or Mama won't love you anymore.' _

"I am your daughter." 

_'Asuka, you must be a good girl.'_

Asuka pressed her open palm against her chest, while her eyes filled with rage. "I am your daughter! Not that doll!" 

The voice became stern._ 'Asuka, you must do what Mama says.'_

"I am not a doll!!!" 

Asuka's words echoed through the hospital room, but she was no longer the child she had once being, watching helplessly as her mother slipped away from reality. No. Now she was a grown up. She was mature and strong. 

_'Asuka, you mustn't be mean or people won't like you.'_

The Second Child squeezed her eyes shut, her hands clenching into fists. "I am not a doll! I don't care if people like me!" she yelled at the top of her lungs and when she opened her eyes, the hanging doll was gone. Instead, the redhead saw an image of herself in the entry-plug. She was curled into a tight ball, sobbing. 

_'Nodon't make me look. Don't make me see those awful memories,'_ the figure with her form begged. 

Asuka snarled at herself and couldn't believe that the broken voice had been hers. 

_'Kaji, help me. It's defiling my mind.'_

The redhead felt ill. How could that have been her? She had promised never to cry and never to need anyone, but that had all changed that day. 

The figure kept on crying. Tears of anger, hate and desperation reddened her cheeks. _'Why won't you look at me?'_

Asuka shook her head desperately. "No! I don't need anyone!"

_'You won't even hold me,'_ her own voice whispered back. 

"I don't"

_'Ifelt lonely,' those words made her stop and gasp. She had admitted that. Not only that, but she had admitted it to him. 'I hatefeeling this way, butthank you for caring.'_

No! That couldn't be her. She wouldn't acknowledge that and not to him. Not to him!

_'Promise that you'll never hurt me,'_ the voice began streaming through her mind. _'Why won't you look at me?' _it called in an angry tone. _'Look at me!'_ it demanded. 

_'Asuka, don't look at that girl,' _another voice warned.

The German girl cried. "I am your daughter!" 

_'I hate you!'_ a third voice, sounding like Shinji, said.

"No!" 

_'I hope you die!' _the same voice screamed.

Asuka looked and saw the boy standing in front of her. His face was blank and his eyes were empty. _'Are you stupid?'_ he said. 

"Shinji"

_'I hope you die,' _the voice repeated. 

"I don't need him! I don't need anyone! I am not their doll!"

Asuka heard her own voice again._ 'How does it feel when you pilot your Eva?' _

_'Empty,'_ something from the darkness replied. 

"It'sempty," the redhead mumbled, almost incoherently. 

Asuka heard a new voice screaming from behind her. She slowly turned and as soon as her brain processed the image, her eyes widened with horror. 

The voice screamed again._ 'Look at me!'_

Asuka saw herself hanging from the noose, like the doll had only moments before. Her body was limp as it swung there, her feet slowly oscillating from side to side with a gentle, pendulum-like motion. It was wearing the red plug-suit, which made it look as if it was covered with blood. 

_'Look at me!' _the voice shrieked, even louder than before. 

The hanging Asuka opened her eyes and was immediately replaced with the doll. 

The German girl fell on her knees and allowed her head to sink between her shoulders. "No!" she cried, fear and hopelessness seeping into her mind.

_'Why won't you look at me?'_ the voice demanded again.

"I can think by myself. I'm not a doll," Asuka replied, but this time, her voice was nothing more than a soft murmur. "I am not a doll"

_'Asuka darling, why are you hiding from me?' _

It was then that she felt the hands reaching for her, dozens of them, grabbing at her body. Asuka did all she could to fight them, but was overwhelmed. They pinned her down, grasping her head, her hair, her arms, her legs. They were all around her, like mad ghosts, pulling her downwards so that she couldn't move. Asuka was terrified. Frantically, she struggled to tear herself free, to run away, but it was in vain. 

_'Look at me!' _

The voice made Asuka stop and she tried to scream as the noose was wrapped around her neck. 

Asuka's eyes flew wide open as she kicked away her covers and leaped out of bed. She quickly reached for her night lamp and flicked it on. The darkness dissolved immediately. The girl looked frenetically over the room, looking for any signs of the nightmare. Every shadow made her anxious, as they appeared to reach out to grab her, like the hands had done. Though she finally managed to convince herself that she was safe, that there was nothing to be afraid of, that it was over, it took her almost fifteen minutes to calm down enough so that her heart would stop trying to escape through her chest. The redhead was covered with sweat from head to toe and it made her feel sticky, only adding to her general feeling of discomfort, but that didn't seem to really matter. 

"What's wrong with me?" she shook her head in an attempt to push the last remains of the nightmare out of her mind and refused to turn off the light.

  
X

  
Misato walked into her office and was surprised to find Ritsuko sitting behind her desk. The blonde doctor had a cup of coffee on one hand and a thick report on the other. She dumped the report on the desk as soon as the Major entered. "Well, the Commander is officially mad." 

"What else is knew?" Misato replied sarcastically. She made her way over to the coffee machine set on a corner of the room and poured a cup, though she had always disliked Ritsuko's coffee in the morning. The doctor had the disgusting habit of using a far too small powder coffee-to-water ratio. 

"Why did you tell Maya not to give Unit 08 combat status?" Ritsuko inquired. She sounded cold, even for her own standards.

"Because it is not ready for combat," Misato replied. "You are just too blind to see it." 

"You are the one who is blind. Your concern for the pilot is costing us time. Right now, Unit 08 is as good a weapon as any. We can't afford more setbacks with it, regardless of what your morality tells you."

"Listen to yourself, Ritsuko," Misato muttered. "That's a human life you are talking about. You are going to end up killing this girl." 

"If it servers our purpose." 

Misato did not reply. She just gave the doctor a hard glance. There was no point in arguing. Ritsuko would never understand her concept of the value of human life; she had grown too used to being around people like Commander Ikari. 

Ritsuko continued. "At any rate, we have been ordered to find more effective ways to deal with the problem."

"Which means?" Misato gave the doctor a hard glance.

"You are being too conservative."

"The pilot's safety is my first concern," Misato retorted. "Your schedule comes second." 

"Then I'll have to place a formal complaint requesting the revocation of your authority in matters not directly pertaining tactical or strategic situations," Ritsuko threatened. 

"You have been ignoring my authority in those matters since you came out of the brig," Misato pointed out, as she drew out a chair and took a seat across from the doctor. "So be my guest."

"Look, Misato. I understand your concern for the pilot, but she has a greater purpose. It is imperative that she be ready when the time comes. For this, we must adhere to the schedule. Any failure to do so can have very grave consequences."

"Everything we do has grave consequences." 

"That is the nature of our trade."

Misato narrowed her eyes. "Sometimes, I even wonder what trade that is," she said. "We seem to be more intent on destroying people's lives than in saving them." 

"A few lives are a little price to pay in the grand scheme of things. Sacrifices have to be made for the greater good and if those sacrifices entail the ruination of some lives, then so be it. We cannot be concerned with it. Otherwise, we would never get anything done," Ritsuko replied. "You should know that by now."

"Means to an end, right?" Misato said, sarcastically. "It always comes down to that, doesn't it?"   
  
"It's only fitting. Life, in its lowest form, is exploitation." 

  
X

  
Asuka's face looked peaceful, though Maya knew that it was only a facade. The Lieutenant fixed her eyes on the image provided by one of the many cameras placed inside the entry-plug. 

"Her synch-ratio has dropped three more points. That's eight in less than a week," Hyouga reported unceremoniously. "The synchrograph is shaky and I have a great deal of interference on her brain pattern's readouts. The system is picking up a 9.7 percent discrepancy between Asuka's current outline and her established parameter." 

Maya sighed. She wouldn't tell Asuka about any of the abnormalities, as she had been told. It would prove way too risky and knowing the redhead's emotional condition, she was sure that, for once, her orders were for the best. "What are the possible causes?" she inquired, having already asked the question half a dozen times. 

"Short of a total contamination of the system, which is impossible, we can't find anything wrong."

Maya nodded._ Time to think like Dr. Akagi,_ she told herself. "If there were contamination in the system, what is the most likely cause?" 

Hyouga swayed the question in his mind for almost a full minute before answering. "Given our past experiences, I would think it's the pilot, the Eva itself or a combination of both," he finally said. "It's strange, though. If it were in fact contamination, we should be able to pick something up on our readings, but there is nothing. Regulations dictate that we classify the divergence as 'system error'. However, we have overhauled the entire system and the readings are still flawed." 

Maya took her eyes off the screen and permitted her gaze to lock on Hyouga. "I hope it's not the pilot," she declared somberly. 

  
X

  
"The distortion in the system has increased exponentially," Ritsuko reported with a dry, emotionless voice. "This can only be explained by the appearance of complications in the basic structure. Nevertheless, the start-up program is holding itself together, but we cannot hope to determine how long this will last. The diagnosis has confirmed that part of the program's safety shell has already been contaminated."

"The safety shell is vital to the program's integrity," Ikari did not turn away from his observation window as he spoke. "If it fails, the information at the core of the program will be set loose and come into contact with the pilot's mind. That would be disastrous."

"I know," Ritsuko replied. 

"What is the actual status of the shell?" 

"It's disintegrating fast." 

"And the Second Child?" 

Ritsuko was somewhat amazed at the question, although she knew that the Commander was not interested in Asuka's well-being, but in her value as a tool. That was all that ever mattered to him. "Major Katsuragi tells me that the Second Child has been having nightmares, and her synch ratio dropped 8 points in a week. That could very well be an indication that her mind is beginning to feel the strain placed on it by the program. If the safety shell were to collapse, her weakened mental state could make it tougher to recover the system, not that it would make a difference, because the code would take over the system so quickly that we would be dead before we had a chance to do something about it. I don't fear this. What worries is the fact that the Tablet might revert to its original function." 

"I am aware of the threat, Dr. Akagi, but we will deal with the situation in the agreed upon manner. We took a chance when we created the program and chose to fight fire with fire, now we must avoid getting burned." 

"That might prove too difficult to achieve."

  
X

  
Shinji's day had been uneventful, so much so that he had spent most of it waiting for something to happen. He had gone to school by himself, since Asuka had decided that she would stay home. He knew the redhead at a synch-test scheduled for the day so he didn't say anything about her not going to school. The boy had gotten home early and made dinner, which he shared with Asuka as usual. The girl didn't comment on her test so he decided that he shouldn't ask. 

After dinner they had gone their separate ways. Asuka locked herself in her room and Shinji went to work on his homework. More than a few times, he felt like asking his fiery roommate for help on the more complex physics problems, but opted against it. Asuka was in a bad mood and it wouldn't do any good to bother her about something as trivial as physics. They didn't see each other for the rest of the day and after watching some TV Shinji went into his room and turned on his S-DAT. 

He had already lost track of time as he lay on his bed, resting on his side. The darkness enveloped him in much the same way as the musical notes from his earphones. Sleep never presented itself, so he was forced to close his eyes and immerse his senses into the arpeggios of a cello solo. Halfway through the piece, he heard a noise from outside his door and promptly turned the S-DAT off and pretended to be snoozing. 

Shinji heard the door being opened, then footsteps, and the door again as it was slid shut. In the darkness, the footsteps drew closer and he felt the side of the bed sinking. 

"Shinji?" 

Her voice surprised him. He thought he was dreaming. 

She called for him again. "Shinji, are you awake?" 

There was a part of him that wanted to ignore her, but as he heard her words again, he knew that that was not an option. "Yes," he replied as he rolled over to face Asuka, who sat on the edge of his bed. He could barely see her in the darkness, but the tone of her voice was awkward. 

What is she doing here? He wondered. 

Asuka sighed. "Iwas wondering if I couldspend the night here." 

Shinji's eyes grew wider. He thought he was surely dreaming, but the next words shattered that illusion. 

"Don't look at me like that, you pervert. I don't want to do 'that'. I just want to sleep." 

He blinked a few times as his brain struggled to fully comprehend what was going on. "W-what's wrong with your bed?" 

"Nothing, stupid," Asuka scoffed. "I had a nightmare and" 

The redhead didn't need to say anything else. Shinji understood. "M-make yourself comfortable, Asuka." he said and quickly added, "Just don't hug all the covers." 

"Let me warn you, Third Child, if you try any funny business, you won't live to see daylight," Asuka said as she crawled onto the bed and under the covers, which she pulled away from Shinji. 

"Hey!" The boy complained.

"Be quiet," Asuka retorted. "And turn around. I don't want you staring at me while I sleep." 

Shinji had once heard a joke about how German tourist were the nicest of all, except when they marched into your country with intentions to stay. He thought that was a somewhat amusing analogy, considering the situation. Asuka certainly made her presence felt as soon as she got into bed next to him and his body responded accordingly. He hoped she wouldn't notice or he would be nursing a black eye for the next few days. 

It took Asuka a few minutes to settle down. She felt uncomfortable with the state of affairs, but she really didn't want to be alone right now. The nightmare had been the worse so far. She had seen herself covered in blood, among other things and it made her feel sick. The images had been so vivid, so lifelike that had she not awakened on that instant, the redhead swore she would have lost her mind. She was strong, but there was only so much abuse her subconscious could take. So she had made the decision to come to Shinji. Normally, she would have rather not go back the sleep at all, but with all that had happened between her and the boy, Asuka felt she could trust him for comfort, even if it meant asking him for something. She could imagine the things that must have gone through his head as she told him she wanted to spend the night. He must have thought it was his most perverted fantasy come true. That bothered her. 

As it was, they ended up lying with their backs turned to each other, and Asuka controlling most of the cover. The redhead squirmed and struggled to find her ideal comfort spot. She had always hated Japanese beds: they were too damn small, and this was particularly uncomfortable. Still, she would rather endure this than go back to her room where the nightmares awaited her. 

Shinji was not having any more luck finding the peaceful solace that came with sleep than Asuka was. He could hear her body rustling against the bed sheets and feel her movements, but after a while she became motionless. 

"Asuka?" The Third Child gently called out.

There was no reply. 

"Asuka?" 

Shinji rolled over and sat up; letting what few parts of the covers he had somehow kept hold off fall away from him, and looked over at Asuka. It was then that the image of the redhead's body fully struck him. 

There was no light in the room, but he could clearly distinguish Asuka's slender, elegant contour just under the sheets, which barely managed to cover down to her knees, leaving the flesh from the top of her calves to the tip of her toes exposed. Though she had her back to him, he could still see the profile her sharp features made in contrast to the white pillow on which her head rested, amidst an ocean of red locks. She looked so peaceful, so far away from everything, and yet she was lying right here next to him. And so close, in fact, that he could smell the perfumed scent of her hair, along with the sweet essence of the skin cream she regularly used. 

Asuka's mouth moved gently, a soft moan escaping her parted lips. 

Shinji sighed and slowly inched out of the bed. 

"Sorry, Asuka." He grabbed his pillow and lay down on the floor. 

  
X

  
The phone pierced the quiet morning air. Shinji slowly opened his eyes, blinking several times to clear his vision and remembering how much he hated the shrieking sound of the device's ringer. It always brought bad news. 

Sluggishly, he tried to get on his feet, but barely managed to get up on his elbows when something stopped him. He felt a strange weight around his waist. At first he thought he'd become entangled on the covers, but then recalled that didn't have any. In the half-asleep condition he found himself, the Third Child turned to look down at what the weight was.

The phone kept ringing. 

Shinji froze as soon as he realized what was holding him down. 

It was Asuka's arm. The redhead was lying right next to him on the floor. 

The boy sat up, causing Asuka's limb to slide down from his waist and onto his lap. Had he not been sure that the German girl was asleep he would have freaked out, not that the thought didn't cross his mind since her hand ended up in just the wrong place. 

He was aware that he had just ended up on in a 'long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs' kind of situation. He was pretty sure that if Asuka woke up to find herself doing 'that', she would find a way to blame him. Shinji decided to move away slowly, but the second Asuka's lips began to move and her body stirred, he jumped to his feet and went for the phone, hoping that the girl would never know what had just happened. 

The Third Child didn't realize it at the time, but he had been holding his breath. 

  
X

  
Misato stormed into the Control Room and shot Ritsuko a hard stare. "What is it?" she demanded, dismissing the worried glances of everyone else in the room.

"I think you can take a guess," Ritsuko replied, waving her hand at one of the monitors.

The clear screen displayed an image of the outside world. Misato could see the dark blot on it, surrounded by trees and forest. She knew immediately what it was, though at first she thought it was an image glitch. "Have the MAGI confirmed anything?" the Major asked, unable to tear her eyes away from the Angel's picture.

"No," came the reply, "The pattern keeps changing, just like the last time. We have forgone the confirmation and have already declared this the 19th Angel."

Misato narrowed her eyes as something struck her. "Where's this image from?" 

"Sector 8," Ritsuko replied coolly. 

Misato shot her a shocked look. "Jesus! That's inside the defense perimeter." 

"I know," Ritsuko added "If it hadn't been for their visual systems, we wouldn't have even seen it coming." 

Misato blinked. "What do you mean?" 

"The IFR sensors didn't pick up anything, the MADs didn't either. Even know, according to radar and sonar, this thing doesn't exist. The only confirmation we have is the visual feed." 

Misato allowed her eyes to away from the doctor and back to the Angel's image. "Is that possible? How can it not show on the MAD?" 

"I don't know," Ritsuko said. "In theory, anything with that much mass, and a functioning S2 organ creates a disruption on the Earth's Electro-Magnetic Field. The problem is: I ran a spectrometer check on it and its total mass is less than 0.001 grams."

"That's impossible. It's got to be a malfunction." 

"On the contrary, it's quite possible. Mass, like volume, weight, time, is relative. Something with so much mass in our universe may not have any mass at all in another. This applies to different solar systems, planets, planes of reality; you name it. What we are seeing may just be the representation of what the Angel really is in another dimension." 

"Like some kind of ghost?"

"A ghost with an S2 organ, yes. We saw a similar thing with one of the previous Angels, remember?" 

"I remember, but that time Unit 01 tore it apart from the inside," Misato said. "How do we fight something with no mass from the outside?"

"It still must have an S2 organ, and an A.T Field. When it comes to the Angels, those are invariable laws of our universe. If it exists here, even if it's just a representation, it must adhere to those laws," Ritsuko explained. 

Misato felt a headache beginning to build. "You are not helping."

"There are only two forces in our universe capable of creating this kind of phenomena. One is gravity, and the other is magnetism," Ritsuko continued. "For it to hold itself together like this it must have one of the two. Since gravity requires mass and density, it's quite possible that its total mass has a super-high density, which in turn creates gravity. I took that into consideration and managed to pinpoint a gravity anomaly somewhere inside its spectrum. Our sensors and tracking devices are not set up to detect gravity. I've ordered the technicians to re-calibrate them to allow us to track this. There is a very scientific explanation for what we are seeing though. It's called Dark Matter. In theory, that's what this is, since Dark Matter has no, or negative mass, around a center of super density."

Misato blinked. "Like a black hole?"

"Yes, precisely. A black hole sucks matter towards it because it's a void of such high density that its gravity traps even light. This is a very similar thing. We are seeing a black shadow because the light that comes near it cannot escape it. The only problem is that it should be sucking everything towards itself, which it's not."

"And the point?" 

The doctor took a deep breath. "It must have a counter-force to keep itself in a state of balance with the universe around it. All CPT symmetry theories dictate that for every particle in the universe there is a counter-particle, and I think that is what it's using. I could be wrong, since relativity and quantum field theories contradict themselves, but this goes beyond plain relativity. A quantum system can be explained by many theorems that go beyond your plain Lie Algebra equations. Some downright reject the possibility of there being a relation between relativity with most of the other symmetry systems. This means that whatever this thing is, there is no way it can exist in a state of balance without a very powerful force acting, and this force is ruled by our universe's physics." 

Misato understood what she meant, even though she could have done without the lecture in astrophysics. "Is there any way we can tip the balance?"

"Yes: energy, and lots of it. A sudden burst of energy might up-set the balance and disrupt the symmetry, causing a chain reaction," the doctor explained. "We cannot hope to concentrate enough to disrupt its gravity, but if we can cancel out its counter-force even for just a nanosecond, the symmetry will be destroyed. Then the gravity, if it's anywhere near what it should be in order to create Dark Matter, will force the core and whatever else is close by to smash against its center and collapse." 

Misato pondered on that piece of information, but before she could say anything, Hyouga approached her with a report. "Major," he called. "The children are here."

The Major nodded. "I want them fully suited. Take them to briefing room three when they are ready. Ritsuko," she gave the doctor a glance. "How much energy are we talking about?" 

"At point-blank range, not that much. Certainly a multi-megaton warhead would do the trick, but I think that if we can get close enough, an N2 mine will suffice." 

Misato nodded again, then glanced across the room. "Ok, people. We know what we have to do, now we have to find a way to do it and not get killed in the process."

  
X

  
"You want me to do what?" Asuka's cry echoed across the briefing room. She gave Misato a glare that would have scared the devil. "Are you insane?" 

Misato shook her head, though she understood the girl's reasons for refusing the dangerous assignment she'd been given. "This is the only plan that I can come up with at the moment." 

She allowed her gaze to land on each of the three pilots standing before her. Asuka stood in the center of the room, flanked by Shinji and Keiko, and they were all clad in their plug-suits. Misato could sense the tension, and fear coming from Keiko, the concern from Shinji and the outrage from Asuka. Though it was strange that neither the brunette, nor the boy had said anything, she was sure the redhead spoke what they felt. 

Asuka let out an annoyed groan. "A 'plan'?" she protested. "Smashing myself against that thing carrying and N2 mine is not my idea of a plan."

Ritsuko took a step towards the redhead. "It's a lot safer than it sounds," she offered. "You will have your AT Filed fully deployed in order to neutralize the Angel's, so the explosion from the mine won't hurt you."

Asuka set her gloved hands on her hips. "What if the mine hits the AT Field before it erodes?" 

"We have removed the impact detonators from the mine and wired it to a gravity fuse." Ritsuko explained. "Impact will not set the mine off, the Angel's gravitational pull will." 

"Taking me out in the process," the redhead retorted.

Ritsuko gave her a frown. "Your AT Field will protect you. I don't see what the big deal is. Rei did something like this once. She was not even ordered to." 

Misato saw the expression on the Second Child's face change at once. She knew that she should have been mad at Ritsuko for playing Asuka's bravado in such a way, but she understood that this had to be done. She would have plenty of time to regret it later. 

"Fine," Asuka finally agreed, and turned to Misato. "I'll do it, but I want you to remember this the next time I ask for a favor." 

It was then that Shinji spoke. "What about us?"

Misato locked eyes with him. "You will be inside Unit 01 as back-up. The Commander wants it to stay in stasis for the moment, but it will activated if the situation requires it." 

Shinji felt a cold lump on his throat. "You mean," he hesitated. "I wont be out there with Asuka?"

"We can't risk it," Ritsuko interjected. 

Shinji looked over at Asuka, with a great deal of fear in his eyes. The redhead nodded back, as if that gesture would make the boy's concern vanish. 

"Keiko," Misato called, causing the brunette's body to stiffen with fear. "You will support Asuka." 

Keiko blinked once, as her eyes slowly filled with horror. "S-support?" she faltered. 

"Yes. You'll be out there providing fire support for Asuka," Misato said. "You are not to engage in close-quarters combat unless absolutely necessary." 

The brunette's throat went dry. "I-Iunderstand."

Asuka snarled. "This is ridiculous," she let out a laugh. "The crybaby will probably wet herself as soon as that thing starts coming towards her." 

"Asuka!" Misato barked. 

"I'm about to do something incredibly stupid that you dare call a 'plan', so get off my back," the redhead retorted. 

Ritsuko agreed, since she had gotten what she wanted. "Lets go," she gave Misato a nod. "We have other things to do tend to." 

The Major gave Asuka a gentle smile. "Be careful," she offered and with that, she and the doctor made their way towards the nearest exit. 

Shinji was the first of the three children to speak. "Asuka."

Asuka cut him short. "I'll be fine," she said. "We've had stupid plans before." 

He did his best to give her a smile. "I know. Asuka, I-I wish I could go out there"

"It's not your fault," Asuka replied. "If I fail"

The Third Child shook his head. "Don't say that. You areyou mean a lot to me." 

Asuka gave him a cynical look. "Right." 

Shinji was about to say something else, but Keiko beat him to the punch. "We are in a lot of trouble, aren't we?" she said, fear creeping into her words.

The Second Child shrugged. "We always are, now it's just slightly worse." 

  
X

  
**"The target is still holding steady,"** Hyouga communicated over the main tactical frequency. **"No hostile activity detected." **

Asuka nodded her acknowledgement and moved out from behind one of the buildings on Tokyo-3's south site. She carefully traced the route that would taker her behind the Angel, or at least, on the opposite side of where Unit 08 stood as decoy. It had been Misato's idea to use Unit 08 to get the Angel's attention, while Asuka closed in on it from behind. The redhead would have rather taken the vanguard, but had to admit that Misato's idea made much more sense, tactically speaking. 

It only took her few minutes to reach her mark, and she checked the small map of the city displayed on her main HUD unit. The Angel was now directly between her and Unit 08, but it did not appeared to be going anywhere. It was just sitting there. Asuka cradled the N2 mine she carried, pressing it against her torso, and could not avoid thinking about how stupid this whole thing was. 

She heard someone's voice over the communicator. **"Open fire."**

The order was immediately followed by a stream of fire from Unit 08's rifle. Asuka leaned over the edge of the building she was using for cover and saw the projectiles tracing a gentle arc in the air as they approached the target. They were all hits, and at the same time, they were all misses, for the projectiles hit the target, but sailed right past it and smashed on the ground. Asuka focused her gaze on the dark monstrosity that was the Angel. It looked like nothing she had seen before and its dark spectrum seemed to just suck the light out of the air. She knew it was supposed to have a core, but from here she couldn't see a thing. 

A second stream of fire poured from Unit 08's rifle, and again, they sailed through the target without even an AT Field to oppose them. 

"I'm in position," Asuka announced. "Tell the crybaby to stop shooting or she'll get me." 

**"We are ready,"** Misato replied. **"Begin your countdown." **

Asuka tightened her grip on the control sticks and allowed a fierce snarl to form on her features. She held the cylindrical N2 device with one hand now, much like a quarterback getting ready to hand off a football. Asuka had gone over the scenario a half-dozen times already. She would rush at the Angel, AT Field fully deployed, and shove the N2 mine as close to the Angel as the gravity trigger would let her before detonation. What would happen after that was anyone's guess. "Screw that, I'm going out there!" 

Unit 02 sprung from its static position with a thunderous roar, spreading its AT Field as it went. It pivoted on its right foot and sprinted towards the Angel with long, elegant strides, like a world-class runner, covering most of the distance between it and the dark entity in seconds. The red Evangelion held the mine with an arm stretched forward, keeping it as far away from any vital organ as it could. Asuka could feel the ground shaking under her feet, the adrenaline rushing, the sheer intoxication of the charge. 

The distance closed awfully fast and Asuka braced herself for the explosion that was soon to follow, but just as she did, something stopped her. An AT Field stretched before her like a hexagonal wall composed of sharp red lines. 

"_Scheisse!_" Asuka cursed and brought all of her strength to bear on the AT Field, while focusing entirely on increasing her own. She could feel the titanic forces around her fighting, while she tried to press the mine through, but the AT Field held it at bay. Asuka snarled and pushed with all her fury on the weapon's cylinder. 

And then the AT Fields disappeared. 

Asuka barely had time to register what happened next. Without the AT Field to oppose her, her strength and momentum sent her and Unit 02 diving forward. She managed to catch herself with a stiff-arm maneuver against the ground, and quickly darted back to her feet, but as she tried to raise her AT Field, one thought hit her. When the Angel's AT Field collapsed, it took hers along with it and she lacked the strength to produce another one fast enough. 

**"Asuka!"** Misato yelled over the comm. **"Get the hell out!" **

The redhead narrowed her eyes and focused on the Angel, only a few dozen yards away. Its dark spectrum eclipsed the sunlight as it towered over her. "What are you talking about? I'm fine," she said, looking down at the mine on Unit 02's hand. 

She gasped._ The mine._

Asuka froze, and as she realized just how close she was to the Angel, something began tugging at her. She blinked slowly, unbelieving, and her electric blue eyes began to grow as the realization of what she was seeing sank in. Something was pulling her towards the Angel's dark mass._ Gravity!_

A bright light enveloped the horizon. Asuka averted her eyes and felt the ground around her shaking. The sound of thunder filled the entry-plug. "Mama!" 

**"Asuka!"**

The energy released by the mine's detonator at point-blank range was too much and without the AT Field, Unit 02 was defenseless. 

Asuka didn't even have time to curse as the ball of white engulfed her. 

  
X

  
"Asuka!" Misato screamed at the top of her lungs. She could barely believe what had just happened, but Ritsuko was quick to point it out for her. 

"It was the AT Field," she said. "The counter-force keeping its symmetry in balance." 

Misato narrowed her eyes, feeling a desperate coldness wrapping around her heart. "What's Asuka's status?" she demanded. 

"She's alive," Hyouga replied. "I don't have much more at the moment." 

Misato nodded with a certain degree of relief. 

Aoba called from his console. "Major, I have a huge gravitational anomaly on my scanners." 

Misato glanced towards the nearest screen and saw, horrified, what was going on outside. It was as if someone had opened a hole into the fabric of the universe and now everything within range was being sucked into that hole, making a spiral as it went. In a matter of seconds, the black spectrum that had made up the Angel condensed into a medium sized sphere. _A perfect sphere_, she thought, and as assorted things smashed against it and were assimilated into its crust, she noticed that its diameter increased. 

"Is this" Misato couldn't find a way to finish the sentence. All of the bridge was plunged into silence as the images struck home. She could see the fear in their faces. 

And then, just as it had started, it stopped and only the sphere was left, hovering calmly over the cityscape as if nothing of what had just happened concerned it. 

"The anomaly is gone," Aoba reported. 

"This is its true form, isn't it?" Misato inquired, almost sarcastically.

Ritsuko nodded. "Looks like it." 

"The bastard knew we would try to intercept it," Misato whispered, unable to fully grasp the implications of her words. "It baited us." 

"Impossible. They don't think like that," Ritsuko replied, casting a glance at the Major. The concern she saw in those dark eyes almost had physical form. "They don't" 

She was interrupted by Keiko's scream. 

  
X

  
Something burst out of the sphere and shot towards her. Keiko failed to realize what was going on until it was too late. The thing, which looked like some the kind of cilium common on protozoan and other single-cell organisms, wrapped itself around Unit 08's torso. Frantically, Keiko tried to get it off of her, but it held on tight. She felt it squeezing her, pinning her to the plug's command seat. As she struggled, the thing looped around her Eva, catching its right arm at the elbow and trapping it against its body. Keiko shrieked as the futility of her fight began to sink in. More out of sheer terror than anything else, she kept struggling. 

A voice came to her, but she couldn't recognize it. **"Keiko, your unit is equipped with a progressive knife. Use it!"**

But Keiko was beyond rational thought, and her plight was merely fueled by the primitive instinct to survive. She was hurting, her pretty face locked into a grotesque mask of pain. The limb, or whatever it was, squeezed with such force that she thought her ribs would crack. Soon, she was desperate for breath, and with a firm tug, Unit 08 was brought to its knees. Keiko was exhausted. She knew she couldn't fight this thing, but the idea that she was about to die seemed childish. 

The voice came again. **"Keiko, don't panic!"**

Keiko desperately gasped for air. She shook her head and thrashed about in her seat, as if to force the thing to release her, but it held on even tighter. She planted her feet on her console, and used all the leverage she could muster to tear herself free, but it was in vain. 

**"Keiko, you can make it!"** the voice of encouragement was lost on her. 

It was pointless. 

The girl allowed the tears to run, tickling her cheeks as they went, and shut her eyes. Convinced that she was going to die, she gave herself to the Angel's mercy. Keiko whimpered quietly as she felt Unit 08 being lifted into the air. 

  
X

  
No one on the Control Room spoke a word. They watched as the Angel's whip-like appendage tossed Unit 08 in the air and yanked it towards its spherical body. It was a surreal scene, almost too incredible to believe. The Angel had overpowered the Eva, and was now playing around with it. 

Misato was the first to gather her thoughts. "We need to do something." 

"No kidding," Ritsuko replied. "Any ideas?" 

The Major shook her head. "You'll be the second one to know." She stared at one the nearest screen as Unit 08 crashed against the Angel, with such force that she wondered if the Evangelion would break in half. A million ideas went through her head. She had to do something, but the question was: what? 

"Major," Hyouga called. "The Angel's energy pattern is changing." 

Ritsuko beat Misato to the reply. "It could be that even this is not its final form." 

Then, as if on cue to the doctor's words, the sphere's crust began to crack. To Ritsuko it resembled a planet fracturing under the force of a nearby star. The sphere was not big, its diameter was barely wide enough to be equal to the distance between the Evangelion's shoulders, but she didn't know what kind of damage it would do if it exploded. She noticed something on the image. The Angel's whip was holding the Eva by its torso, pressing its side just under the left clavicle against the sphere's circumference, where she could tell the crack on its crust had originated. It can't be because of the impact, she though. Ritsuko focused harder, and noticed that there was some kind of liquid escaping from the spot where the cracks had originated. 

Ritsuko knew then what the Angel was going to do. "It's going to attempt contact."

"What?" Misato spun around to stare at the doctor, hoping that she had misunderstood. 

The doctor nodded. "It wants the pilot." 

Misato's eyes filled with horror. "Keiko!"

The image flickered as the zoom was engaged. There, Misato saw it and, as the dark liquid came into contact with Unit 08's armor, it began eating through it. It was as if the liquid had a life of its own. The substance expanded over the Eva's armor like a cancer, blackening it as it went. 

"It's gone through the armor plates!" Hyouga yelled. "First level contact is imminent!" 

"Get her out of there!" the Major ordered. "Eject the entry-plug!"

"It's not good!" Haruna cried. "The signal is being rejected!" 

"We have physical contamination in the system!" Aoba reported. "It's going over the safety parameters."

With a thunderous roar, the cracks on the sphere's crust began to expand, until they covered all of it, like grotesque coordinates in a map, and from each one of them, more liquid came pouring out. Misato noticed that the whip was actually pushing the Eva inside of the shattered sphere, as if it were trying to devour it. 

"Major," Hyouga called. "The Angel" he struggled to find the words. "It's gone quiet!" 

Misato blinked. "What?"

The sphere came crashing towards the ground, dragging Unit 08 with it. It smashed against the street below, and started to melt, as did the whip, which was still wrapped around the besieged Evangelion. 

"Keiko!" the Major screamed. 

"It's going to take over the Eva!" Ritsuko cried, as what had been the Angel turned into a pond of dark fluid, and began adhering itself to Unit 08. Soon, the white Eva unit was engulfed into a blackened heap as every part of its body came into contact with the Angel's blood. 

"Mental contamination appearing on all levels!" Hyouga cried.

"The synchrograph is off the scale!" that from Haruna. "I'm picking up anomalies on the pilot's thought pattern!" 

"Massive physical contamination on all circuits!" Aoba reported. "Connections 23 to 745 are gone. The Neural Nodes have been invaded!"

"All systems are collapsing." Hyouga yelled, and displayed Unit 08's diagram on the main screen. It showed a static view of the Evangelion, and divided it section-by-section. The contaminated sections were tainted red and the non-contaminated ones in black, which at this point were only the ones on the right upper body and the section set immediately above the core. 

Misato gasped, feeling a knot forming in her stomach. Eighty percent of the Evangelion had been taken over in a few seconds. "Sever all physical and logical links between the pilot and the Unit!" she ordered. "Isolate the main nervous" 

"Main nervous system has been invaded up to the 3rd vertebrae," Aoba replied. "Isolating lymphatic system. Isolation has failed!" 

"Terminate neural links!" that from Ritsuko. "Keep the physical contamination away from the pilot." 

"Neural links have been overridden!" came the frantic reply. "We are being locked out of the system!" 

Then came the report Misato feared the most. "The entry-plug is being invaded!"

  
X

  
From one of the observation decks above the Control Room, Commander Ikari watched the events as they unfolded. Rei stood next to him, gazing at one of the computer screens with a blank look on her face. Fuyutsuki was further back, peering over one of the computer consoles.

"Can you feel her?" Ikari inquired, turning to give Rei a soft glance. 

The blue-haired girl nodded gently. "Yes," she whispered. "Is this her pain?" 

"Lilith has a bond with all her creatures," Ikari explained. "She can feel what they feel." 

"She is afraid," Rei said. "She is crying for help." 

Ikari's face turned to stone. "We can't do anything for her now without changing the scenario," he said. "But, if she survives, you can help her escape the pain."

Rei closed her eyes and focused inwards. She could feel the sensations washing over her and reached out to touch them. Fear was the dominant one, then pain, regret, shame and the desire to die. They mixed together into something she could not distinguish, but could not ignore either. They tugged at the edge of her consciousness, slowly plunging her deeper into a state of semi-awareness. She had felt it before, when she had come into contact with the 18th Angel. 

The girl heard the voice at the back of her mind. It pleaded for help. She could hear it breaking down into gentle sobs, and calling out to someone. These were the pilot's thoughts, Rei knew. She reached out to the nearest screen, tracing her fingers along the image of the corrupted Evangelion, and letting her index finger stop on the exact spot where she knew the entry-plug lay. She could sense her pain, her sorrow. 

For the first time in her short life, Rei felt pity for another human being. 

  
X

  
The pain hit her like a tidal wave. It began at the small of her back, and spread upwards. She looked down through tearful eyes and saw something that shocked her even more than the pain. There were small tendrils spreading across her plug-suit like fingers, inflaming the black-and-gold material. She felt them touching her as they worked their way over her body, wrapping themselves on every part of her flesh they could find. 

Keiko gasped in terror as she realized that these tendrils were actually inside of her, consuming her like a disease. She clutched desperately at her body, wrapping her arms around her belly, where she felt the tendrils moving about. It felt as if her intestines and stomach were on fire. She drew her knees up and shut her eyes, letting the tears cascade down her face. Her body tensed and trembled as the pain forced itself on her. From her stomach, the pain began to spread, like radiation from a star, as the grotesque fingers reached out between her legs and around her torso to converge on her spine. 

Keiko felt her lower abdomen screaming as the 'thing' attacking her reached it. She shook her head and shrieked as her gloved hands clawed desperately at the spot on her belly where she felt her insides burning. It was as if her entire lower half was being liquefied. She opened her eyes, as the pain keeled her over, and, looking down on her hands, saw that the tendrils were now running across them and over her forearms. 

The pain shot through her spine with such force that she though someone had just ripped her back open and yanked it out of her. Keiko screamed, eyes and mouth wide open, as her back arched in a way that seemed impossible. In desperation she reached out a hand, and clawed at the LCL around her, as if trying to reach for something that would help her. The pain forced every muscle to tense, and her back twisted as they began to spasm. 

Keiko whipped her head about, feeling the burning hot sensation at the back of her neck. Her throat trembled as she tried to scream, but no sound ever came. She threw back her head and fixed her horrified gaze on the plug's ceiling. The tendrils moved across her breasts, into her lungs and over the base of her collarbone. Her body was dying, that much she knew. But in the state of absolute terror she found herself in, even that failed to register. It seemed like such a joke. She was going to die. 

The tears ran unrestrained, streaming down her reddened cheeks like a river through a blackened battlefield. Keiko felt the tendrils moving into the back of her head and her face. She froze, but out of a kind of morbid curiosity allowed her eyes to roll down so she could see what was happening. The tendrils spread out over her body like a grotesque circulatory system, mocking veins and arteries. 

She squeezed her eyes shut as the tendrils on the back of her head began digging into her cerebellum. Keiko clutched her head between her hands, mouth wide open in the hopes that somehow, someway a scream would take away the pain, but even that relief was denied to her.

And then she heard the voice, as the tendrils wrapped themselves over her brain. _"Who are you?" _

  
X

  
Inside the Control Room, Misato was somewhat glad that the Angel had severed all communications, both visual and sound, between them and the pilot. She didn't think she would be able to take the image of what must be going on inside the entry-plug. 

"The plug is gone," Aoba reported, his voice barely a shocked whisper. "Iam not reading anything. The Neural Link is still in place, but there is not much I can do with that." 

Misato swallowed hard. "What about Asuka?" 

"Still nothing," Hyouga replied. "I can't tell what the extend of the damage is, but she's unconscious. Still, Unit 02 has power, so she's not entirely out of the fight." 

"Keep calling her," Misato ordered. 

"Yes, Ma'am." Hyouga nodded. 

Misato turned to Ritsuko. "Get Unit 01 out of stasis." 

"You don't have the authority," was the reply from Ritsuko. 

The Major snarled. "Screw the authority. Haruna," she said, turning to the female operator. "Where the hell is Maya? Tell her to get Unit 01 ready for combat."

Ritsuko gave her a harsh look, but before she could say anything Hyouga's alarmed voice echoed from his console. "Major," the operator cried. "I have contamination detected on Input port three-four-seven." 

Misato narrowed her eyes. "What's Input port 347?" 

"It's part of the communication's array," Ritsuko answered. "In fact, it's the port connected to the pilot's output signal from the A-10 frequency, but" the doctor caught herself right there. "Oh shit" 

Misato felt her eyes widening. She understood. "Terminate the port's signal!" 

"I can't," Hyouga replied. "Contamination in ports 348, 349,350,351 and 352 detected!" 

Ritsuko found herself screaming, as she began to realize what the Angel was doing. "It's using Unit 08's entire communication package to access us!" 

The Major shot an incredulous glance. "But all communications were down." 

"Because the Angel was blocking them," Ritsuko replied, struggling for an even tone of voice. "Now it's using them to load itself into our system. It's using the pilot's brain as a kind of transmitter. That's why all the signals and sensors from inside the plug are down. It's cramming itself into our network using the pilot's interface with the Eva as a portal and her mind as a living, sentient broadcasting tower." 

  
X

  
The hospital room was brightly illuminated by the collection of white halogen lamps spread through the ceiling, and yet it was the darkest place in Keiko's mind. It was stale, with white walls, white tile floors, white everything, and only the assorted medical equipment that littered three of the four corners giving contrast to the emptiness. But not a sign of life could be found. On the fourth corner, the one farthest away from the door, there was a bed on which a young girl, wearing a black-white-gold plug-suit, sat. 

Keiko hated this place. It was the room in the hospital on which she had been interned on after her mother died, and she had tried to kill herself. She hated the lack of color, the silence, the emptiness, but more than anything, hated looking at it. It represented the part of her that had never healed from her mother's death. The part of her that wanted to die, the part of her that saw only empty stares on the people around her. She curled into a tight ball, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, wishing that she could make herself disappear. The first time she had been here, she had been a little girl, now she was a grown girl of fourteen. The fact that she felt just as afraid now as she had before, as a little girl, made her realize how very little she had changed. 

"Loneliness," the girl whispered. She buried her head between her knees. "Why do I have to be alone?" 

A voice came to her. It was soft, comforting._ "Is this your loneliness?" _

Keiko nodded, curling tighter. "Yes," she said. "Why are you doing this to me?" 

_"I need to understand,"_ the voice replied. 

Keiko felt a shiver run up her spine. That was the only answer the voice ever gave her; it needed to understand. She lifted her head and dared to look beyond the barrier that her knees made in front of her. "I don't want to be here," she said, clawing at the bed sheets under her with her toes, as if needing to anchor herself to something. 

_"Why not?"_ The voice inquired. 

Keiko closed her eyes. The tears wouldn't come anymore. "I just don't." 

_"Does it make you feel worthless?"_

The girl nodded. "I am worthless," she whispered. "I'm so worthless that she didn't even want to be my mother. So worthless that Miko doesn't want to be with me anymore." She let her words hang in the air for a second. A soft whimper escaped her lips. "So worthless" 

The next voice she heard was Asuka's. _"I am sick of been forced to do monotonous tests and I'm sick of you. You are not a pilot, so why should I treat you as such. You are just someone they put in the Eva, God knows why, and expect it to work." _

Keiko sighed. "She was right about me."

The voice continued._ "What do you think will happen when you have to fight an Angel? Do you think they will take pity on you, or that they will stop so you can catch your breath? They will take you apart. They will look into your head and rip you to shreds." _

"I am not a pilot," Keiko admitted. "I am not a warrior, I am not a strong person, I am not Asuka, but I just want to be something that would make my mother proud." 

Asuka's voice came at her again. _"If you depend on others, then you are weak, because you can't live for yourself. It's always what others want and what they impose on you. Even if it's your own mother."_

"I wanted her to be proud," Keiko muttered. "That's why I did it." 

The next thing she heard was a much more familiar voice. _"You are with me now."_

"Am I so worthless that you had to die to be away from me?" Keiko wondered. 

  
X

  
"All clusters on Sector 178 have fallen!" Haruna cried. "The firewall won't be able to hold this at bay." 

Ritsuko nodded. "Activate all countermeasures in the near-by sectors," she ordered. "I want this thing contained." 

"Containment engaged," Hyouga announced. "Terminating all logical links to the corrupted sectors."

"Sector 179 has fallen!" Haruna said. 

"Containment engaged for Sector 179!" 

"Sector 180 has fallen!" 

"Engage containment procedures on all Sectors from 000 to 200!" Ritsuko ordered, turning to Misato. "This is not going to work. It's running over the entire array, so it doesn't matter what we contain, it uses the array to load itself into a different sector. Once it goes past Sector 255, the only thing keeping it out of the MAGI will the firewall." 

"Sector 207 has fallen," Haruna cried. 

Misato mulled over that piece of information but couldn't think of anything to do. "You are the computer genius, Ri-chan," she said. "What do we do?"

"When you have a virus running on a network, you isolate all the infected nodes on the network before the virus has a chance to spread. The problem here is that the virus has access to everything in this section that's linked to the communication's array. Viruses are self-replicating entities; this is not. All of its information comes from a single source: the Angel in Unit 08." 

"If we could only terminate all the links between the Eva and us," Misato said. 

"It's overrun all the protocols, so we can't terminate the links." 

Misato shook her head. "There has to be a way," she said. "It's using a damn wireless frequency. Half of the time, my cell-phone doesn't even work." 

Ritsuko's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "That's it!" she beamed, and shot Misato a smile. "We don't have to terminate the link, all we have to do is interrupt it!" 

Misato gave her a puzzled look. "And just how do we do that?" 

Ritsuko's grin broadened. "Electro magnetic pulse," she said. "That interrupts all communication signals, at best, for the length of the pulse. An N2 mine would buy us at least six seconds on which the entire array would be down, meaning that we could use the MAGI to take over the Input ports and close them. We scramble the protocols and lock the Angel out." 

Misato blinked once, as all the information was processed in her brain, and smiled. "All right, Ritsuko, lets get to it!" 

  
X

  
The notes flowed like a gentle river. Every stroke of the keys elevated her, making her feel special. She was hugged by the music, feeling as she imagined it would feel being hugged by a loved one. It was so ecstatic, so blissful. Keiko could hardly remember why she had given up on the piano, but recalled that she had stopped just after her mother died. After that, the notes no longer had meaning to her. They were cold, and heartbreaking, and reminded her of all she had lost. 

So it was that she sat at the piano, still dressed in her plug-suit with the notes milling around her. She was in a spotlight, so all she could see was the piano in front of her and the infinite darkness beyond. She allowed her gloved fingers to dance over the keys, completely out of her conscious control, but fueled by her own instinct, her own passion. This was all she had once come to be, and all she had stopped being. 

_"I'll always be there,"_ the voice whispered.

But then the music ceased. Keiko's fingers froze over the keys and she couldn't bring herself to play another note. The brunette rose to her feet. She leaned over the piano's top, supporting herself with her arms, and allowed her head to sink between her shoulders. "I used to play for you," she whimpered and felt the tears beginning to flow. "I played for you, but you never listened." 

_"I'll always be with you,"_ the voice replied.

The teardrops splashed against the piano's glossy finish, making small puddles as they did. "You never listened," the girl repeated. 

_"I always have,"_ the voice said. 

Then a second voice appeared. _"Is this what you fear?" _

Keiko's knees buckled under her. She collapsed in a heap on the floor, holding her head in her hands. "I wanted you to listen," she sobbed. "I played because it made me happy that I could do that for you. It made me feel like I was special, like I was loved." 

The first voice came again. _"I always loved you. I died for you, for you future." _

Keiko shook her head frantically. "All I wanted for my future was a life with you!" 

_"I am sorry."_

  
X

  
Asuka blinked her eyes open and the first thing she felt was the throbbing pain on the side of her head. She tried to reach to and rub the sore spot, but her left arm, the one that had carried the N2 mine was numb. One quick look at the outside confirmed that Unit 02 was missing that very same arm. Asuka snarled. She began to feel the blood running down the side of her forehead, from just under her hairline. Somehow, she pushed the pain away and managed to bring Unit 02 to a sitting position. She was groggy, as if she had just woken up from a dream, and every part of her body that she could think of, hurt. Still, she willed herself to focus on the task at hand.

Asuka tried to talk to the control room, but no reply came. "Hey, anybody there?" 

_What the hell happened?_ She wondered, but before she could start rationalizing any possible scenarios, a sound caught her attention. Asuka looked up, and in the sky she saw a single UN bomber flying a path that took it directly over the fallen Unit 08. The redhead focused her gaze on the darkened heap of metal, armor, flesh and dark stuff that had once being a Mass Produced Eva Unit. 

_My God!_ She felt her stomach turn. 

Taking a deep breath, Asuka forced herself to calm down. She brushed long locks of golden-red hair, with her good hand, out of her face, as a strange feeling overcame her. She felt something within her coming to life with hatred and anger. One word appeared on her mind's eye.

**Kill.**

Asuka felt a gentle tickling sensation running down her left arm, from her shoulder to the tip of her fingers. She bared her teeth and allowed a grin to spread across her features as she realized that Unit 02's severed arm had just regenerated. 

X

  
"Sector 249 has fallen!" Haruna cried. 

There was no reply to that. All of the people present in the room stared at the picture on the main screen. They saw the small cylindrical object falling from the sky, and right on top of the corrupted Unit 08. The device went off, igniting a bright, unnatural sun in the middle of the street. The screens flickered as the EMP shockwave hit them.

As soon as it did, Ritsuko issued her orders. "Go! Engage containment procedures on all sectors. Engage the safety feedback protocol!" 

"Sector 250 secured," Haruna reported. "Sector 249 secured!" 

"Input port 352 secured!" Hyouga announced. "Ports 351, 350, 349, 348 secured!" 

"Scramble the access protocols for all the ports!" Ritsuko commanded. 

"Port 347 secured!" Hyouga yelled, excitement building on his voice. 

"All access protocols have been secured!" Aoba cried, cracking a smile. "The Angel is cut off from our system." 

The image on the main screen began to clear as the dust and particles lifted by the N2 mine's explosion started to clear. And then they saw it. Unit 08 picked itself up from among the ruins in the crater the bomb had just made. It bellowed like an angry god, and spread its wings. 

Misato did not hesitate to give the order she knew was her last hope. "Bring Unit 01 out of stasis." 

The reply was not what she expected. "Major," Hyouga called. "Unit 02's readings, they" the operator struggled for the right words. "Everything's off the scale." 

Misato's eyes flew wide open as she saw Unit 02 smashing itself headlong against Unit 08. "Asuka!" 

Hyouga shook his head. "But just barely," she said. "Her thought pattern is 78.4% unidentifiable. It must be an error."

"Get me a channel," the Major ordered. "Now!"

"I can't. All the communications are down," came the reply.

At that moment Ritsuko stepped in. "Route it through one of the internal ports and relay it to one of the surveillance stations. Give them the protocols so they can contact her from there." 

"Yes, Ma'am!"

  
X

  
On Asuka's command, Unit 02 caught the corrupted Unit 08 squarely on its midsection. The white Evangelion offered little resistance as it was pounded into the ground. The earth shattered and cracked under the force of the impact. It bellowed angrily as Unit 02 wrapped its hands around its neck and, extricating it from the terrain, tossed it through the air in the opposite direction. Asuka groaned with the physical effort it took to handle the Mass Production Eva in such a way, but her most savage instincts had already taken over.

**Kill.**

A fierce grin embraced Asuka's face. She watched in morbid delight as Unit 08 landed hard on its head, but didn't waste any time pressing the attack. The Second Child engaged the spike gun located on her Eva's shoulder pylons, which split open to reveal the nasty weapon. By the time Unit 08 was bringing itself to its feet, Asuka had positioned herself. A storm of long, metal spikes rained on Unit 08's body, from its navel to the base of its neck. Blood flowed and splashed through the air like a geyser. Asuka frowned when she realized that the Eva did not fall. She engaged the second set of spikes from the opposite shoulder and fired. 

**Kill**

The second wave of hard steel caught Unit 08 between the chest plate and its snout, bursting it as a single spike buried itself on its mouth. The Eva made a gentle arch backwards as it toppled to the ground, spurting blood as it went. The spikes protruded from it as if on a porcupine, creating a surreal sculpture of destruction. 

**Kill.**

Asuka was on top of the downed Eva as soon as it hit the ground. She took hold of one of the spikes and pulled it loose, sending an arch of blood flying through the air, and used it to stab her prey. But something deep inside of her called for more. The Second Child clutched at Unit 08's armor and began tearing it apart, like a hungry vulture would pick clean a corpse. Blood, and tissue gushed out from the wounds, forming a lake of red on the ground. Bones cracked, muscles ripped. In a moment of absolute rage, Asuka yanked at Unit 08's arm, tearing it free from the body and stomped on its head, bursting it like a watermelon. 

Then she stopped. 

The radio crackled. **"Asuka! The Neural Link is still enabled!" **

The Second Child looked down at herself, and saw Unit 02 towering atop a bloodied pulp of decimated flesh and armor, and it was itself, covered in its prey's blood. With eyes opened wide, she stared at her hands, frozen into claws. 

Asuka saw her Eva's hands, blood smeared all over them. 

And the images from her nightmares struck her. But this time it was real. This time she could not escape into her waking life, or into Shinji's room. The nightmare was all around her. It was in her rage, her hatred, her blood, her soul, her mind. 

Asuka let out one loud, horrific scream. 

  
X

  
To be continued.


	12. Nightfall beta

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Genocide 

By: Rommel

  
X

  
"Never build your emotional life on the weaknesses of others."  


-George Santayana.

Genocide 0:11 / Nightfall 

X

  
Junichi Nakayima watched as the two bodyguards pulled the girl out of the black Subaru's trunk. He knew who she was, of course, and that knowledge only made the spectacle harder to bear. He took a deep, steadying gulp of air, letting the cool morning air envelope him. The sun had already risen, the sky was clear. A perfect day. Well, almost perfect. 

"See? I told you I'd get myself an audience," Musashi Kluge said. "Now lets see how much she's actually willing to listen to." 

Maya Ibuki certainly looked the part of an abduction victim, blindfold and all. Nakayima guessed that that was more for psychological effect than for anything else, but he wondered about the necessity of it all. Kluge hadn't told him what this was all about. The agent could, however, sense that whatever it was, the Chief needed Maya to be fully conscious, fully aware. In fact, Kluge had made a point of it. He was not going to ask any questions, because then none of this would have been necessary. Maya would have broken down in direct interrogation very quickly, Nakayima was pretty sure about that. 

Kluge snorted. "Did you think I wouldn't do it?" he asked. 

Nakayima swallowed hard and spoke with the most even voice he could find. "I didn't doubt for a minute that you wouldn't," he said. "Not for a minute."

"Good." He took a step forward and motioned for Nakayima to follow. The agent fell in step behind his superior. 

A blow to the back of her legs brought Maya to her knees. Pain shot through her body like a burning wave as her knees impacted the hard concrete of the road, tearing at her white stockings and scraping the delicate skin beneath. As soon as her blindfold was removed and she recognized one of the figures walking towards her, Maya's eyes shot wide open, her jaw dropped. "A-Agent Nakayima?" 

Nakayima wanted to say something but Kluge beat him to it. "Dr. Ibuki?" the Chief said. "I must apologize for your rough treatment, but certain measures had to be taken to insure that this meeting took place without…foreign interference." 

Maya spoke with a voice as shaky as the legs that had barely supported her moments before. "W-who are you?" she stammered without looking away from Nakayima. "Agent Nakayima, w-what's going on?" 

"I'm Musashi Kluge, Chief of the Intelligence Department of the Japanese Ministry of the Interior," came the reply. "Your presence has been requested by me in the interest of our agencies'…mutual cooperation." 

Maya felt a wave of nausea hit her. She knew who Musashi Kluge was. Anyone who'd read the dossiers provided by NERV to the Central Control Personnel did. "W-what do you want?" she said. 

Kluge gave her a serious glare. "I want to talk."

Maya's voice hoarsened. "T-talk?" Her eyes shifted from Nakayima over to Kluge, then back to the agent. "I-I'm really not the right person to talk to." 

Kluge smirked. "On the contrary," he began. "You are exactly the right person to talk to. You see, I need someone who places a high level of value on human life. I was told that you would be just the person I needed to talk to."

"No. No, I can't. I don't have the authority…I don't…I can't do this." Maya shook her head. 

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear enough, Dr. Ibuki," Kluge said, making a gesture to one of the bodyguards who promptly retrieved something from inside his suit's jacket. "We will talk, otherwise…it would be such a waste." 

Something cold pressed against the back of Maya's neck. At first she failed to realize what was happening, but then it all clicked. Such was the look of absolute terror on the young operator's face that Nakayima forced himself to turn away. The barrel of the gun pushed Maya's head forward and down, in a kind of formal bow, so that she could only gaze out at the ground between her legs, at her hands spread out beneath her, and at the small puddles her tears made on the rough pavement. It was only then that she realized she was crying. "No…I…" she tried to say something, but nothing coherent came to her. "I…I…don't…please…"

"Dr Ibuki," Kluge began, as he crouched down in front of the girl. "I don't wish to do this, but you see, I can't offer you any other choice. I had hoped you would listen, but since you have refused to cooperate I can not allow the knowledge of this meeting to spread. Undoubtedly, you wouldn't hesitate to give this information to Gendo Ikari if he asked, so I can't risk letting you go on your way. You understand, don't you?" 

Maya shook her head weakly. "I…don't know anything," she whispered in a barely audible voice. "Please…I c-can't help you. I don't want to…die."

Gently, Kluge slipped his hand under Maya's chin and lifted it, bringing her gaze up with it so that the two of them were now able to look each other in the eye. The young operator stared deep in the void of Kluge's dark irises. She tried to find some hint of sympathy, of emotion, of anything that would make him human, of anything that would compel him to spare her. She found none. Just cold darkness. 

"Let me correct myself," He began, using his fingers to trace a path along Maya's elegant jaw line. "Are you willing to cooperate with me?" 

The moment of silence that followed seemed like an eternity. Reflected on the girl's dull eyes, Kluge could sense the conflict that ravaged her mind. Maya left everything within her boiling. Her mind crashing down around her sanity, her soul seeping away through her tears one drop at a time, the very essence of her being been taken away from her. She had to do something. She had to do the one thing she could. She nodded.

"Well done, Dr. Ibuki," Kluge stood, and motioned to the bodyguard who got the hint and pulled the gun away from the girl's head. "You are indeed a very smart girl. It's a shame the position you find yourself in, but maybe when this is all over you could come and work for me." 

He shoved his hand in his pocket and came up with a small disk, which he offered to Maya. "This is a dossier of things I require from you." 

Maya took the disk gently. Her hand shook. Everything felt numb. Kluge was pretty sure she was beyond rational thought, so giving her a copy of what he needed seemed like a logical, if unwarranted, action. Of course, any hard piece of information was a liability, but he was not overtly concerned with that. This girl had seen the lengths to which he was willing to go. She wouldn't be a problem.

"As you know, Dr. Ibuki, our agencies have been at odds with each other since…ever," Kluge said. His voice acquiring an icy tone. "And the very laws of both our businesses , or rather, of the people in charge of those businesses, prevent us from ever truly co-existing. As a result, we can never thrive as long as the other is around. We can never, shall I say, achieve our utmost potential while the other stands in our way. This is why one must be removed."

Maya had a faint hint of where this was going, but fear, and the cold emptiness in her stomach kept her from saying a word. Her head spun and she wanted to vomit.

"NERV will die," Kluge said, and paused to allow his words to sink in. "I will see that it does. And when it dies, so will its people."

Maya felt her stomach rebelling against her. Still, she managed to word a reply. "Y-you can't! M-most of NERV's personnel is c-civilian…they are innocents." 

Kluge gave her a contemptuous look. "Are they? Were the Japanese children in Hiroshima not innocents as well? Since when has being an innocent done anyone any good in warfare? Since when has being an innocent mattered?" 

"B-but…"

"Innocents are numbers. However, some are more impressed with numbers than others. Which is why I'm offering you the chance to make the right decision," Kluge said. "And save some of your innocents in the process. You see, I need a weapon against Gendo Ikari. I need information." 

Maya's throated stiffened. She swallowed hard. "Information?"

Kluge pointed towards the disk he had given her. "I have detailed what I need on that disk. I asked Agent Nakayima to get some of it for me, but he only has access to very limited material. As NERV's acting Chief Scientist, you have…better access," he explained. "The deal is this: you get me what I want, and when the time comes, and it will come, NERV personnel will be largely spared. Casualties minimized. Everyone treated in accordance with the rules of engagement. Everyone given a clean slate. Otherwise, well, genocide destroys more than people, you know. It destroys dreams and hopes and witnesses."

He nodded towards the bodyguards. "I think I have already demonstrated what will happen to YOU if you refuse." 

"I know this is very overwhelming for you right now, but I trust you to know what's in the best interest for yourself and others. I trust your humanity won't let you down. However, no matter how sincere I might believe you are in your desire to …help me, I must still be sure that you won't try anything stupid. Ironically, I have appointed the King of Stupidity himself as your 'guide' in this world of information handling." He stopped for a second, and nodded towards Nakayima before continuing. "Agent Nakayima knows what's at stake, don't you, Agent?" 

Nakayima forced a reply. "I do. It won't come to that." 

With that the Chief Department gestured his bodyguards to get the car started, and climbed into the back seat without giving either Nakayima or Maya a second glance. 

Nakayima waited for the car to disappear around the nearest corner, before attempting to talk to Maya. He made it to her side in three long strides, but Maya was already unconscious on the ground. 

  
X

  
Commander Ikari gazed out of the deck's observation window and focused on the humanoid shape contained in the cage bellow. Unit 02, covered in a thick, red liquid, and with a swarm of decontamination technicians attending to it, appeared to be staring back at him. Its cold, inhuman eyes were just as empty as its pilot's had been when the rescue crews extracted her out of the entry-plug merely hours ago. 

From behind him, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, snickered, "Ironic how the heart of a child can be filled with such anger," he said, straightening over one of the consoles he'd been examining. "Man should not have this kind of power, let alone children. And the cost…"

"The cost is negligible," Ikari retorted, cutting off his Second-in-Command. "Unit 08 was never intended to last forever." 

"Nothing ever is." Fuyutsuki waved a hand at the reinforced square of glass leading to the cage. "Not even this monster." 

"Purpose forces us to use things like this," Ikari said. He kept his tone hard as granite. "It justifies anything." 

"Have you read the doctor's report?" 

Ikari nodded. "I have," he said. "Unit 08's pilot was a sacrifice that had to be made." 

"She's not dead, but it's not encouraging."

"I am glad to know that it was not a waste. Human life has become a rather singular commodity nowadays." Ikari turned to Fuyutsuki. Their two equally unbreakable wills faced each other at once. "The situation with the Second Child is more troubling than this girl's, but that doesn't need to be resolved at the present time. I am confident the Second Child can fulfill her purpose as planned. Dr. Akagi agrees with this assessment."

Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? If we ever have to deal with what might happen beyond the Program's final barrier we will not survive its consequences."

"It wouldn't matter. If that happens, we will have failed." Ikari narrowed his eyes. "What of the other issue?" 

"Ah, yes. I believe we can no longer rely on Russian support. They cut the funds this morning. It is hardly a matter to be concerned with, but we have to acknowledge the fact that it was partly because of their support that the UN didn't come crashing in here when they had the chance. And their Intelligence did supply us with a pilot. And they may posses damaging data, but we are not sure yet. "

"They don't," Ikari reassured him. "If they did, they would have sought to use that as a weapon a long time ago."

Fuyutsuki nodded to himself. Ikari knew about this, of course. He was the one person in NERV who knew everything that was going on at any particular time. "And there are some rather sketchy facts surrounding the Russian Foreign Minister's death," Fuyutsuki added. "We are not faring well on the finger pointing front."

"The Russians are of no relevance to me or this project anymore. They have outgrown their usefulness." 

"They may be irrelevant, but the part about their special forces taking this city by storm was particularly…colorful." 

"They are not real threats. They, and nations like them, are so involved with their politics and their own personal quests for power that by the time they decide to do anything about the situation it will be too late," Ikari said. 

"They can still stop us, so can the UN." Fuyutsuki's voice suddenly acquired an uneasy tone. "If the political position is not dealt with, we might not live long enough to see our plans to fruition. The scenario has suffered delays in the pasts. This time, there will be no one to hold the UN back." 

"It is my hope that it will not come to that." 

"It is my hope as well," Fuyutsuki replied. "But, after all, what is there of worth in the hopes of empty men?" 

  
X

  
Something soft was touching her cheek, and that was all Maya knew as she opened her eyes. She found herself lying on a bed, in a place she had never seen before: a tiny room with no decorations and only the scarcest of amenities, the TV in the corner of the room. She sat up, struggling to keep herself from panicking.

The strangely soft voice caught her attention. "Are you OK?"

Maya twisted her head to find the agent sitting on stool next to her, with his back to the wall, and a glass full of a bubbly liquid in his hands. "I…I think I am," she replied in a whisper. "I don't know."

"Here," Nakayima said, offering her the glass. "It'll help you fell better."

Maya took the offered glass, but did not drink it. Instead, she eyed it suspiciously. Nakayima picked up on this at once. "I don't want to hurt you, Dr. Ibuki," he said. "I am really sorry you were dragged into this, but…but it was necessary." 

The spike of pain in his voice practically compelled Maya to believe him. She knew such naïveté was her weakness, but that was the way she was. But this man, how could she believe him? After what he, and his boss had done? 

"I hope you can forgive me," Nakayima continued. 

Maya took a deep breath. Fear still soaked her. Her voice sounded weird, hoarse. "W-where are we?" she asked, with a gasp. 

"My apartment," Nakayima said. "An emergency was declared shortly after you passed out. The news said it was an Angel. I had to keep you safe. I took you to a shelter, and after the emergency ended, I thought about taking you home, but…well, I don't know where you live. So here we are, the House of Naka." 

That last statement almost brought Maya's vivacious smile back, even though she didn't feel like smiling at all. "Naka?"

"My army buddies dubbed me that," he replied, briefly giving her as realistic a grin as he could muster before turning serious again. "It's all right to be afraid, but don't worry, this place is safe."

"I-I…thank you, I guess."

"Don't thank me," Nakayima said. "It was nothing. I had to do something for you. Anything. Right now, you may not like me, you may even hate me, but you are right in doing so." 

"I don't hate you," Maya whispered. "I just…I don't understand. Why me?" 

"Because you have access to what the Ministry needs, because you could be 'motivated' to cooperate, because you are soft. The list goes on and on." Nakayima stopped and took a breath. "But…I was the one who told them you would cooperate."

Maya gave him an awkward stare. "Why?"

"I needed to give them something," Nakayima said. "They want things I can't provide. I asked Major Katsuragi to help me out, but she's been too busy, problems with the children, I gather, so I haven't been able to deliver satisfactory results . Yours is not the only life at stake here."

"Yours too?"

Nakayima gave her smirk. "Oh no. My life is worth nothing. I've been living on borrowed time for a while now. No. Another life. One that doesn't deserve any of this." 

Maya understood, but didn't say anything. 

"You are wrong, you know?" 

Nakayima gave her an inquisitive glance.

"About what?" 

"About me having access to what your Ministry needs," Maya said. "There is too much about NERV that I don't know anything about. Too many secrets, and lies. So much that at one point, when you stop to think about it, you wonder why it's worth giving your life to such an enterprise. Or why it'd be worth anybody's life." 

"That happens to everyone, regardless of your line of work." 

Maya noticed the hint of pain in the agent's voice. "This Kluge character," she ventured, "will he really do what he says he'll do?" 

Nakayima nodded solemnly. "Men like him don't bluff, Dr. Ibuki. It's quite ironic, actually. Kluge is so much like Gendo Ikari that they could have been brothers. I believe people like that are bound to fight each other, and their similarities only make them fight harder. Too much familiarity, too much conflict. They know what they are capable of, and the thought that there are others just like them scares them to death. They play this game as if it were some sort of civil war. Like two kings warring over a kingdom." 

Maya sighed. "But this is not a war, Agent Nakayima."

"No kingdom can have two kings, Dr. Ibuki. War is the unavoidable consequence of this. It doesn't matter if you see it as such, but the conflict is there. You can ignore it for a while, but eventually, it will consume you." 

Maya took his words in, allowing them to reach deep into her being. She drew her knees to herself as tight as she could, and tried to forget the sudden coldness she felt. 

  
X

  
Misato entered her room and dumped her jacket on the floor, next to a pile of clothes she had meant to launder, but had, as always, forgot. The weight of the events of the day pulled down on her, making her feel as if someone had increased the gravity of the world, or as if hell itself was tugging at her soul. Still, she was not in pain, that would have been an improvement. No, she was numb, and everything around her was like a blur. She felt trapped in a kind of eternal limbo where she would long for death, but never get it. But there was no real pain. It was strange. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this way. 

She took off her shoes, and most of her clothes, and collapsed on her bed. In the darkness, she couldn't see much, but since this was her most intimate space, she knew where everything was. So, without even having to look, she reached out to where her nightstand would be and flicked her lamp on. The light bothered her, and she struggled with the urge to shut it off so she could get some sleep, but something in the back of her mind recoiled at the idea. She wanted to stay away from the darkness. Asuka's scream still echoed in her ears. Her face was a mixture of horror and disgust, fresh in her memory. Misato had been there when Unit 02's plug was opened. She had held Asuka in her arms as the redhead covered her mouth with her hands and heaved; the contents of her stomach slowly seeped out between her fingers. Worse of all, the image of Keiko Nagara's broken body being pulled out of the entry-plug was still burned into her eyes. For the young girl, Misato had thought, death may have been a more merciful fate. 

This was why she feared the darkness. Because in the darkness she would fall asleep, and then she would dream about these images. She didn't want to see those things again. She wanted to just take a pill and wake up in the morning realizing this was all a bad dream. But the brutal reality kept slamming into her like the tides. 

Asuka would recover, Misato hoped. The redhead had been in pretty bad shape in the past and always seemed to come through, and she had Shinji for support, but this was worse than anything she had faced before. Today Asuka had unleashed the worst part of herself: the absolute hatred that some times seemed to be the only thing that drove her. What had happened was the consequence of Asuka's raw emotions, her most primal instincts. She had cut herself loose from all boundaries of humanity and became anything but human. Misato had never seen Asuka fight like that, and while she knew she should at least be glad Asuka defeated the Angel, a part of her was terribly afraid. 

"Dammit."  


X

  
The bright hallway that stretched before him was, for Junichi Nakayima, like the path leading down to hell's gate. He knew what waited for him at the end of the path. He was aware of the horrible sight he'd see, and it proved too much for him. This was why Nakayima stood on the very same spot now as he had for the last fifteen minutes, and struggled to convince his mind that he had to do this. For Miko, if not for anything else. 

Nakayima had tried not to think about her, but it would have been easier to grow wings and fly away. During the five days since the incident, Miko was all he thought about. She was all he dreamed about. And the fear of what he would see or hear when he first confronted her send chills up his spine. Miko, he knew, was facing a horrible loss, and he felt compelled to do something to ease her suffering, but what could he do? There was nothing he could say or do to comfort her. The magnitude seemed too unfathomable,; too alien to everything he'd come to understand. He was not the emotional type, but this had gotten to him, no matter how much he tried to deny it. 

He'd grown fond of Miko, almost too fond to be comfortable with her. And through her, he'd gotten used to Keiko. There was a bond between them, but nothing that would justify the way he felt. Nakayima knew, sadly, that he didn't feel this way for Keiko, even though her suffering did strike a cord in him, but rather for Miko. The girl had become an important part of life for him. She had made him feel like he was worth something. She had made him take stock on his life and forced him to acknowledge the fact that people were important. She had wedged herself deep into his heart, the very same heart that he now felt hemorrhaging, and had stirred within him something he had never felt before. 

And despite all this, Nakayima found himself having to fight a titanic struggle just to gather enough courage to comfort her. There had to be something wrong with him, he'd though. He was military, responsible for dozens of deaths. He'd been trained to endure death, to overcome it, and even to embrace it. For a time it seemed he could do nothing but that, until he found a purpose to fill the emptiness in his life. 

Miko had been wrong about him. She had, like the naïve young woman she was, assumed the best of him. Assumed he would become her friend and be there for her, and Nakayima had done that. It was easy enough. But this was beyond what he was capable of enduring. He heard some of the medical reports. He knew Keiko's prognosis. If what the young pilot was going through was painful even to someone like him, then he could not imagine what it was like to Miko. 

He couldn't do it. He couldn't look her in the eye and talk to her and tell that it was gonna be all right, because it wasn't. Because he didn't believe it would. Miko would turn to him for comfort and find that he had none to give because of his own fear. The fear that she had become more to him than he would dare admit. The fear he would let her down. The fear he would open up to her and let her know the truth. And then what would he do? Would he loose her forever?

The sound that brought him back to reality was the instantly recognizable, all-business voice of Ritsuko Akagi. "Agent Nakayima?" 

Nakayima shook his head to clear it and glanced over at the blonde doctor making her way towards him with a clipboard under her right arm, and a neutral expression of her features. "Dr. Akagi." 

"Are you lost?" Ritsuko asked, coming to stand next to him. There was a little edge on her voice.

"No, why?" 

"I wouldn't expect to see you around here," she said, and shook her head. "How did you know who I was? We've never actually met, have we?"

"I don't believe so, no. But I've read all the personnel reports. You have a very interesting one if I recall correctly."

"I would imagine so." 

"May I ask you the same question? How did you know who I was?" Nakayima ventured.

Ritsuko smirked. "Nothing goes on in this installation that I don't know about, Agent Nakayima," she offered. 

Nakayima nodded weakly. "I see."

"So then, if you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" Ritsuko tilted her head slightly to one side, and shoved a hand on her lab coat's pocket. "This is a secured medical ward." 

Nakayima reflected on his answer, and sighed. "I'm not quite sure. I guess I just don't have any other place to be." 

"Well then, this is not a tourist attraction. Leave."   


X

  
"Humans have a peculiar sense of pain," Rei told the white creature as if expecting it to reply. "They endure not just physical pain, but emotional pain. The pain of the soul. What is most remarkable about this is that even though it has no real interpretation, emotional pain is as hurtful as physical pain. But isn't emotional pain just a result of human nature?"

The grotesque creature just stared back at her from the cross it was nailed to. 

Rei continued. "And this pain binds humans together. It forces them to acknowledge others. To stop and realize that the bonds they create through life are much more than simple chance meeting. Human create bonds out of their own selfishness, out of their fears and their desires, but these bonds almost always result in pain. Can this be really selfishness? To choose pain for oneself to escape fear? Or is it just the ultimate expression of human kindness?" 

"Humans allow themselves the luxury of companionship. The bonds they forge, which cause them so much pain, ultimately help others escape their own fears. This is the power of humanity, the power to help each other through suffering. The power to created familiar bonds to help carry them through the hardships in the path to the tree of life. Humans take their strength from each other. From the touch of others. Compassion. Love. Emotions. These things are the very cores of humanity, the very essence of their pain. Without them humans are no different than the Angels, but with them they are so much stronger." 

"This is the humans' power to be superior. Humans choose pain because it gives them a validation of reality. Their pain is proof of their life, and the bonds to others ensure that pain is always present, always there to remind them of the things they have, and of those they can't hold on to. Humans seek to escape the pain, but as long as they live, pain remains a tangible thing, because if pain is human, how can there be humans without pain? And how can there ever be humanity without bonds between Man?"

Rei narrowed her red eyes and focused on the creature with all her might. The cold that had been tugging at her flesh scurried away. "Why then must Instrumentality be attained? Why must these things be abandoned? Why must pain be vanished if it would mark the end of humanity?"   
  
Something in the darkness called to her. Ayanami…

"Why, Ikari-kun?" Rei shook her head. 

Rei…

"He has a bond to me, and I to him. Must I abandon that bond?" 

Rei felt something landing on her bare shoulder. She turned her head and was confronted with Gendo Ikari's gaze. "Rei," Ikari said, "are you all right?" The Commander's eyes were cold, almost indifferent, but not quite so. 

"I understand this," Rei simply replied. 

  
X

  
"Technically, there is nothing wrong with her," the physician, a brown-haired woman, said, nodding slightly towards the space beyond the observation window. "Nothing physical at any rate. Her wounds have healed pretty well, but how the stress will affect her is still to be seen." 

"Asuka is a tough girl," Misato replied, and hoped that the amount of tension she felt didn't reflect on her voice. "I'm sure it's only a matter of time, but right now I don't think it's a good idea to keep her here." 

There was something about those words that left a sour taste in Misato's mouth. She needed only look through the thick piece of glass that linked Asuka's quarantine room to the observation space, in which Misato, the physician and an awfully quiet Haruna Ieil stood, to know that perhaps all the time in the world wouldn't be enough for Asuka to recover. 

The quarantine room was big, illuminated by bright lights, and sparsely furnished. There was a bed set against the far wall, lined by computer and medical equipment, a tiny desk with all sorts of medical supplies in the corner, and in another there was a tiny partition behind which was located a toilet. Asuka sat on the bed, clad only in a loose white gown and white underwear. She had her knees drawn up to her chest, and her arms wrapped around them. An expression of fatigue and absolute boredom hung on her face. She seemed to have found a way to entertain herself by drumming her toes against the white bed sheets as if to count away the seconds she'd spent in the dreary silence of quarantine. She would occasionally shoot a hard glare towards either the room's surveillance camera, or the observation window. 

Misato did not know if it was the lighting or something else, but Asuka looked awfully pale. 

"I can release her today, if you wish. There is not much more I can do for her save give her a prescription for sleeping pills and maybe some mild anti-depressants. I can give her stronger medication, of course, but then she'd have to deal with nasty side effects like nausea and diarrhea. I think that would do more wrong than right, though," the physician said. "If you ask me, I think letting her go home is probably the best thing right now. There are no traces of any contaminants. She should be fine, physically speaking."

"That works for me," Misato said, and turned her head to get a glance of Haruna. The young Lieutenant hadn't said a word since entering the room behind the other two women. "Haruna?" 

Haruna didn't even blink. It was as if she wasn't even in the room.

Misato raised her voice. "Haruna!" 

Haruna cocked her head, as if snapping back reality from a distant dream and blinked herself into attention. Misato noticed that her shoulders tensed awkwardly. "Yes, Major Katsuragi?" she acknowledged. 

Misato raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"Just tired," the reply came in an extremely worn out voice, something very unusual for Haruna. "The last few days have been difficult." 

"Difficult on all of us, but we still have jobs to do," Misato said. "Your report. You said you had something interesting." 

Haruna nodded. "It's not what I have, but what I don't have," she said, and reached out for a near-by clipboard. "We ran pretty much every test in the book on Unit 02 and we found nothing." 

There was a spark of surprise in Misato's eyes. "You are kidding? How's that possible? We have the data from the MAGI. Something had to cause that discrepancy." 

"For every test we've run, the answer is the same: machine error. It makes sense, a 78% signal discrepancy wouldn't even allow the pilot to synchronize with the Eva, and we not only had a solid link between Asuka and Unit 02, but her synch-ratio actually increased by about twenty points." Haruna took a deep breath. "We just don't know what happened." 

"Great, soon we'll have to hire a psychic to tell us what the hell goes on in this place." 

Haruna looked embarrassed. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault. But there's something here we are missing. Hyouga triple-checked the readings and he discarded the possibility of an error. Something about the wavelengths, but I'm not sure."

"There's nothing left in the procedures' guide besides going over every bit of information to make sure it's free of errors and running the data checks again," Haruna said. "But that would take a really long time." 

"Can we do it?" 

"If someone can talk Dr. Akagi into it, yes." 

"Would you do it?" Misato said. The tone of her voice indicated an order rather than a request. "And while you are at it, I need a favor. I want Asuka to get some time off. No tests, no Unit 02, no anything. Ritsuko, of course, will not agree to this, but if we double-team her we might be able to persuade her. She'll argue that Asuka has to be brought back to combat status as quickly as possible, but I don't think she'll risk Asuka having a mental breakdown, because she needs an operational weapon." 

"I agree," the physician interjected. "In fact, I'll recommend this in the release forms." 

Misato nodded, grateful. "Thank you." 

"Dr. Akagi is not gonna like this," Haruna said. "Not at all. She hates being countermanded."

Misato's sigh was as heavy as her mood. "Tell me about it."

  
X

  
Miko Mineguno wanted to cry, but the tears would not come to her anymore. It was as if even the strength to do that had deserted her along with everything she had ever considered worth living for. She couldn't comprehend the horror of it all. She had tried to accept what had happened, she'd wanted to throw herself off the balcony just to prove it was a dream, to close her eyes and wish that it would all be fine. Something had been ripped out of her and torn apart. She could feel it, and every part of her body knew it. She could feel the nothingness eating away at her, the desperation boiling, and even anger. 

It was all her fault. She had talked Keiko into becoming a pilot. She had told her that it was what her mother would have wanted. She sent Keiko, the person that was her universe, her everything, and had her torn from her. And it was too much. 

"Keiko." Miko collapsed on her bed, the same bed she had failed to return to for the past five days since 'it' happened. She lay there, wishing she could cry, wishing she could wail and hold on to someone. But she was alone, and the tears wouldn't come. Miko crawled into a fetal position and stared at the empty space around her. 

"Keiko." 

Miko kept remembering the conversation she'd had with Keiko when she'd been asked to become an Evangelion pilot. She kept remembering how she had been so convinced that this was the right thing to do, that this would help Keiko. How could she have so been utterly wrong? How could she had done this to her? She knew it was her fault. It was all her fault. She didn't deserve to have a friend like Keiko. She didn't deserve to be alive. She wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. Whatever hell was like, it couldn't be worse than this. She felt the darkness all around her, and wished it would swallow her. 

But there was only silence, and soon all her senses vanished and all that was left was the dark void in her soul. 

  
X

  
The light drumming of the shower ended and there was only silence. Shinji had grown accustomed to the sound, and now that it was gone he felt as if a part of him was missing. He knew that it was more than because the shower's noise had managed to drown out the sound of his own dreadful thoughts, but because it confirmed that she was still here. Still with him.

Shinji had been overjoyed when Misato phoned to tell him she was bringing Asuka home. He had been more than thrilled to see her and talk to her, but it had all worn off when he realized that she didn't want to talk to him. In hindsight he should have expected that. Asuka had been in quarantine for a long time, and Shinji knew what that meant. She had been alone with her thoughts and now those thoughts, whatever they were, had gotten the better of her. Shinji himself had been down that path before, and so had Asuka. This time he wouldn't let her face it alone. 

But Asuka, in that very awkward way she had come to adopt, hadn't said a thing. She had walked around the house all evening before deciding to take a shower. Shinji had seen this kind of behavior from her before, of course, so he wasn't terribly worried. Asuka would let him know what was wrong when she felt like it, and until then he would do whatever he could to make her life easier. 

And he decided he'd begin by cooking dinner for the two of them. Having spent a great deal of time in quarantine himself, Shinji was aware of the kind of tasteless sludge that Asuka was probably served during her time in isolation, and he couldn't think of a better way to welcome her home. 

The last few days had been hard on him, and he had spent most of that time worrying about Asuka. He tried to get answers from Misato, but all she ever did was reassure him that Asuka was fine, and refuse to give him any details. So the days went on, one monotonous hour of uncertainty after another, until finally Misato had told him the good news. Shinji had felt an incredible sense of relief upon hearing that Asuka was being released, and couldn't wait to meet with her at home, but those hopes where dashes by Asuka's silence. 

Shinji sighed. Asuka would talk when she was ready to, but for the time being he wouldn't push the issue. It did bother him, however, that Asuka didn't even want to talk about what happened during the battle. He had been eager to hear about it and had been sure Asuka would love to tell him how she had destroyed the Angel, but to his amazement, she hadn't even brought it up, as if she wanted to forget about it.

Shinji was tending to the several pots he had on the stove when he heard the bathroom door opening and closing. The quiet thuds of footsteps followed soon, and he recognized they were headed in the direction of the kitchen. He turned just as Asuka appeared under the doorframe. 

Asuka looked different. Everything about her was the same, but somehow it all seemed to have changed. She stood there, gazing directly at him with those feral blue eyes of hers, but there was something different about them. The dark blue of her irises were dull, and lacked their usual spark. Her face had changed too; it was leaner, and paler. And her posture, Shinji noted was also different. She didn't stand like she used to: legs apart, feet planted flat on the ground. Now she appeared weaker, her weight supported by her right leg, while her left knee was bent and turned a tad inwards, and her feet pointed slightly toward one another. Something was definitely not right with Asuka, Shinji decided after a short moment. 

Shinji was glad, however, that her taste in clothes remained the same. Asuka wore an oversized mustard T-shirt that did wonders to conceal her figure and made it all the way down to her upper thighs. Just low enough, in fact, that it would have been possible for her to wear it with nothing underneath and still keep herself personable, to a certain degree. As it was, Shinji could see she might as well have been, for she was also wearing a pair of ridiculously tight, dark shorts that he assumed must have been underwear. 

It occurred to him that that was exactly what they were, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Asuka wasn't quite so fond of any tight-fitting undergarment, as evidenced by the flimsy, cotton panties she preferred. And Shinji would know, he did the laundry. Then another thought occurred to him. Something about his body he'd ignored when his brain began to focus on his roommate's unmentionables.

He turned around, flushing red with embarrassment, and prayed that Asuka hadn't noticed. "Dinner is almost ready, Asuka. Just give me a minute." Shinji said, busying himself with the pots. He needed something to keep his mind from spiraling out of control, or worse: back to this previous train of thought. "How was, um, your shower?"

And he knew that was not it. 

"It was fine," Asuka replied. She pulled out a chair and sat the dinner table, folding her legs under her. 

Shinji looked over his shoulder and was thankful that her gaze fell immediately on her lap, but not more than he was for the fact that she missed his physiological indiscretion, or chose to ignore it. No, he determined, Asuka would never ignore something like 'that'. She would have screamed her lungs out and knocked him straight into next week. He shook his head, trying to clear it, forced all related thoughts into the darkest part of his subconscious and focused his attention back on the pots. Slowly, he felt his body relaxing. 

When dinner was finally ready, Shinji placed the food neatly on two plates. The aroma was inviting, tender. There was some beef and miso soup. He took some bread and, placing it along with the soup, carried everything to the table. The first plate went to Asuka, while the second he placed in front of his own chair. Shinji noticed Asuka grabbing for the chopsticks while he took his seat. Neither he nor Asuka said a word. 

Shinji was used to eating in silence so it didn't bother him. He focused on his food and let his thoughts wander aimlessly. The first thing that came to mind was Asuka, of course, then Misato and why she had refused to give him details about the battles. He knew the reason, even though Misato wouldn't say it: she wanted to spare him the horrifying details. Shinji was grateful to Misato for caring in such a way, but he'd been desperate for any information related to Asuka. He had been angry, then concerned and depressed. The whole time Misato kept assuring him that Asuka was unhurt. He hadn't believed her at first, because if she was unhurt she would have been allowed to come home right away. Something had to be wrong with her. 

Shinji was halfway through the soup when he looked up and noticed that Asuka was not eating. In fact, she had hardly touched her plated. "Asuka," he spoke, "is everything alright? Has it gone cold already?" 

Asuka didn't reply. She was tracing small patterns with her chopsticks on the plate. Shinji gazed at her for a few minutes, wondering what was wrong, but when it became obvious that Asuka was not going to reply he asked again, "Asuka, are you alright?" 

"I'm fine," was the reply. Asuka didn't even look up from her plate. Shinji couldn't see her eyes, hidden behind a curtain of red locks, but the way her voice sounded made him feel awkward. 

"What's the matter, Asuka? Is there something wrong with the food?" 

Clearly, Asuka wasn't fine, but Shinji knew he would never get a straight answer from her, so he changed the subject of the question hoping that a reply would give him a clue as to what was going on. 

"The food is fine," Asuka replied. 

"If it's gone cold, I can warm up it for you." 

Asuka sighed visibly, and set her chopsticks down on the table. "I'm not hungry," she said. "I can eat later."

That worried Shinji. "You need to eat, Asuka," he said. 

"Don't tell me what I need," Asuka said. "Nobody knows what I need better than me. I'm sick of everybody thinking they know what's best for me." 

"You've been through something very hard," Shinji said, his voice was riddled with uncertainty, "and it's okay if you feel a little uncomfortable. But you have to eat something." 

"I'll eat later," Asuka repeated, rising to her feet. 

As much as it hurt him to admit it, Shinji couldn't find anything else to say. He dropped his sight back to his plate, and waited for Asuka to storm out like she always did. After a few minutes, however, he realized Asuka was still standing there, as if waiting for something, or rather deciding about something.

"Asuka…"

"Leave me alone," Asuka said, and for the first time looked up. "I'm not a child! I don't need you talking to me like I'm a helpless baby! You are such a hypocrite. Take care of your own problems before trying to solve mine." 

"I…" Shinji finally caught her gaze, and what he saw surprised him. The dull emptiness of just a moment ago had been replaced with something else. It was like looking at the dark vastness of a rough ocean. He could see the turmoil and confusion, and utter despair that hid behind her irises, and he noticed something else: there was something like a plea in her eyes. He couldn't quite understand what he was seeing, but there was definitely a deeper emotion under the all the darkness, something like hope. 

Asuka said nothing for the longest time, but when she spoke her voice was hoarse. "I'm going to bed."

Shinji watched her as she walked away, still unable to put his thoughts into words. His mind raced and struggled to process the exchange he'd just witnessed. The magnitude of emotion he felt within him was overwhelming. There was concern, then shock, then denial, and confusion. He took them all in and attempted to make sense out of them. Asuka had always had an effect on him, for better or worse. She had always been a part of his life that he found extremely interesting, to say the least, and it was the part he always failed to comprehend. Asuka had such a complex character. She was like a galaxy of emotions spinning around a center of pride and strength. And he was like a planet trapped in the gravity of that galaxy, unable to escape its attraction even if he wanted to. 

Shinji had always felt that he shared a bond with Asuka, but he didn't quite realize how much she had come to mean to him until after one of the previous Angels had been defeated. Back then he had risked his own life to protect her, and, in an ironical twist, she ended up saving him. The force of this feeling had finally brought him to admit it. He cared for Asuka. 

Amazingly, he found out that she cared back, and that they needed each other to escape their own loneliness. From here the feeling blossomed and eventually morphed into something else. A thing so great that he couldn't describe it, let alone put it into words he could share with Asuka. He was afraid she wouldn't correspond the feeling the way he hoped, that she would decide that it was not worth it and push away. Despite everything they had gone through together, there was still fear. Shinji found that hard to believe, but he knew it was true. The feeling remained, however, pushing him towards the center of the galaxy. Forcing him to admit to himself that which he could find no words for. 

Everyone at school already considered them a couple, and the way their relationship had grown would make it appear that they actually were, but it was just an illusion, a cauldron of mixed feeling and unspoken emotions. Shinji wanted to end the illusion and make it a reality, for he knew now what he'd seemed to know all his life. 

He loved Asuka.   


X

  
The setting would have almost been romantic, or so Nakayima thought. There was something about the park that evoked a feeling of serenity, of almost intimate unity with nature and the universe around it. He would have enjoyed being here if the situation hadn't been so grim elsewhere. Maybe when everything was said and done he could bring Miko here. She would like it. Yes, he would do that in the future, but now his thoughts struggled to stay as far away from the subject of Miko as possible. Nakayima didn't want to know what she was going through, or rather, he wanted to know, but the thought of the kind of pain Miko had to be in drove him away. 

He was not alone in the park. Maya was sitting on a near-by bench, one of the half-dozen located around a small fountain. He'd been a little surprised to see the young operator, since Maya was not exactly in agreement with any of this. Nakayima had to give her credit. She was holding on pretty damn well, all things considered. Still, fear and apprehension were clearly evident in her face. He was sorry this had to happen to Maya, but just like he'd already explained to her, he had had not other choice. There was a life he needed to protect at all costs. 

But he couldn't worry about that now either. There were too many things at stake, too much to gamble, and while his and Maya's lives were the most immediate of those things, he needed to distance himself from her and his own mortality, along with everything else and focus. He shook his head to clear it, and looked up at the clear night's sky. The stars, tiny pinpricks of light spread over the dark canvas of nothingness, seemed to hang there as if watching him just as he was watching them. 

Nakayima could not understand why Kluge had chosen this place to meet with them, but he was ready for whatever came his way. He had learned a long time ago to always expect the unexpected, just as he'd always learned that in situations like this anything that could go wrong probably would. But that was fine with him. He could take care of himself, but that was not the true issue troubling him. So what was it then? Nakayima wondered if it was Maya. After all, she was not a soldier, nor a secret agent, or military in any way. If anything did happen she'd be a sitting duck. She'd even refused to carry a sidearm. That was just stupid. Was that what was bothering him? He wasn't sure.

Suddenly, an odd thought hit him. Why was he so concerned that something would happen? Why did it bother him? His life was not worth anything, so why worry about it, right? Nakayima had met Kluge dozens of times like this in the past and he'd never felt this way. Nobody would miss him if he got killed. Not even Miko.

Nakayima shook his head and commanded himself to stop thinking about her. 

Maya's voice startled him for a second. "A-are you all right, Agent Nakayima?" she stammered.

"That's the second time someone has asked a question like that today," Nakayima said, and for some reason his voice came out a lot harder than he had intended. 

At once, Maya's expression changed. It went from fear to shock, and back. "S-sorry," she hesitated, her voice hoarsened. "I didn't mean to be intrusive." 

Maya fell silent. Only then did Nakayima realize how much the situation had affected her. Maya used to be such a vivacious young woman, always smiling, and talking, but the last few days had changed her. She had become isolated and distant, but that was to be expected; Kluge had scared her half to dead. He wondered if it had been worth it. He'd sold Maya out to save a life that he knew was not any more valuable than any other, but to him much more important. That was his justification. And yet, looking at Maya he felt he'd made a mistake. Everything this girl was going through was his fault.

He focused on the young girl, and noticed that her posture had changed; she was still leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, but her shoulders were hunched over, and her gaze had dropped to the ground. 

Nakayima sighed. "Dr Ibuki, I am the one who has to apologize." He walked over to the girl and sat down next to her on the bench. "I didn't mean to sound like that. I just…I've been under a lot of stress." 

Maya lifted her head slightly, and suppressed a sob. "You are not the only one, you know," she whispered. "I don't even want to be here." 

"It's okay to be afraid, I guess." Nakayima replied. He was not sure of what he was supposed to say or do to help Maya deal with her situation. It was apparent she was not faring as well as he'd thought she would. "We all fear something, but we always end up having to deal with our fears." 

"You say that like it's easy," Maya said. "But it's not. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm being asked to do things that go against everything I have come to believe; everything I am. I can't just change." 

"I know," Nakayima offered. "It's never easy, but that's how we go on living."

"The problem is not to go on living, but to do so and accept the things you do. I don't think I can ever accept this. Haven't you ever done something you felt you'd regret for the rest of your life?"

That question brought up a collection of aching memories in Nakayima's mind. Of course there were things he'd regret for as long as he lived. He'd done many things that were less than ethical. He'd broken so many rules, sacrificed so many lives. But amazingly it was not the things he had done that haunted him, but the one thing he had refused to do because of his own apprehension. He was wrong to think he could give Maya any advice when he was tortured by his own fears. 

"I have come to regret a lot of things, doctor, but I've never allowed any of them to dictate how I live my life. A man like me lives in the moment: never looking back, and not daring to look at the future. That's how I survive. I never needed anything else. I never needed a future."

"Do you need one now?" 

"No, I don't need one. I want one," he said. "But people shouldn't deceive themselves with things like that. Hope for the future is just something we do to fool ourselves into thinking that everything will be all right. It's all lies."

It was then, gazing at his dark eyes, that Maya finally understood something about him. Behind his façade, his quiet demeanor, and the cold tone of his voice, there was a great deal of pain. 

"Lies like those keep us alive, Agent Nakayima. They make us happy. If you can't have happiness then what other reason is there for living?" 

  
X

  
In the darkness a girl screamed. 

Asuka's eyes shot open and, though the images of her nightmare quickly disappeared, sprung from her bed as if to escape something from her subconscious reaching out to grab her. She was on her feet for only a second before her knees buckled and her legs surrendered her to gravity. 

She lay on the floor for a few moments, too dazed and confused to feel any pain, but struggling to keep her heart from bursting out of her chest. Slowly, her senses trickled back from the nightmare and she became aware of her surroundings. The fog in her mind lifted and suddenly she was fully awake. 

With a stabilizing gulp of air, and grunting from the effort, Asuka picked herself up, rising to her knees. She looked around the room, looking for signs of the nightmare among the darkened shapes of furniture and realized that she was safe. 

Asuka shook her head, as the images threatened to come back. She didn't want to see them, but they burst out from their prison in the back of her mind with such force that Asuka felt her entire body shivering. They were vivid and dark and horrifying. Asuka wanted to escape them, but they were everywhere she looked. She sank into the sea of emotions and fears that plagued her, as her mind slowly unraveled. "No," she whimpered, closing her eyes. "No, stop…please." 

The first image was that of herself. She was on her knees, like now, but all that she could see was her naked back. She was holding on to something that was half hidden by the darkness. The image changed, and she was suddenly facing herself. Asuka felt another tremor rock her as the sickly white face stared back at her. "Please, look," the imaginary Asuka pleaded. "Please look, Mama." The next image sent Asuka's brain reeling. She saw herself again, but this time the thing she was holding was clear. It was human. It was a brunette girl, naked and bathed in blood. 

Asuka forced her eyes open, using every ounce of her strength to do so, in an attempt to escape the images. The tears ran unrestrained now. "Leave me alone." She got to her feet and this time managed to support herself long enough to muster the balance required to walk. 

The dark apartment proved easy enough to navigate, but Asuka stumbled clumsily with every step she took. Her legs tried to abandon her once again. She didn't even know where she was going, but she did know that she had to get away from the images. She had to find a place where they couldn't get to her. She had to escape.

Asuka came to halt in front of Shinji's door, and tried to decide what to do. Shinji had taken her in once, but she didn't want him to think she was nothing more than a frightened child. She didn't want him to think she was just this needy little thing desperate for someone to cling onto. 

It occurred to her right there that that was exactly what she was. She wanted him so desperately that she thought for a moment she was still trapped in one of her dreams. How could she, the Second Child, be reduced to this? It was uncanny. Impossible. And yet Asuka knew it was true. She wanted to be with him so much that every second he was out of her sight her heart ached and filled her with fear. What if he left her? What if he didn't want her? Asuka couldn't bear the answers. She was afraid to know, to even think about it. Asuka found herself crying again. The tears built up at the corner of her eyes and ran down her cheeks. 

Another image flashed in front of her with sudden intensity. It was more vivid and real than any picture she had ever seen. Again she saw herself holding a figure, but this time it wasn't a brunette girl. This time it was a dark haired boy. Asuka cupped her mouth with her hands. She froze with fear. "S-Shinji," a voice Asuka could barely identify as her own, cried.

The darkness surrounded her, clinging to every part of her body, threatening to rip her apart physically as it had already done with her heart. 

  
X

  
It was not until a few minutes after midday that Shinji decided to check on his roommate. Asuka hadn't come out of her room all morning, and he was beginning to get worried because she was not the kind of person to sleep late into the day. That was, of course, unless something was bothering her. He'd known Asuka to spend entire days in her room when she was feeling depressed or became sick from her period, and he was aware that this might well be something like that, but he still felt compelled to check. 

"Asuka, are you all right?" Shinji called, from just beyond Asuka's bedroom door. When he got no reply, he called again. "Asuka?" Again there was no reply. He tried the door and was surprised that it was not locked. He stepped into the room and quickly scanned his surroundings. 

A gasp escaped his lips as he recognized the sight of Asuka curled up in a corner. She had her knees drawn up to her chest with her head buried between them. With great care, Shinji stepped closer to her. "Asuka? What's wrong?" 

"Leave me alone," the voice that replied was weak, almost unrecognizable. It was quickly followed by a series of soft whimpers that let Shinji know she was crying. "Please, just go away."

Shinji ignored her plea, knowing that he couldn't will himself to do such a thing when she was obviously in so much pain. He kneeled next to her, and slowly, hesitantly, grasped her shoulders. Asuka shuddered under his touch. She raised her head, letting Shinji see the tear-streaked cheeks, and the bloodshot eyes. 

A mask of complete hopelessness had taken over Asuka's features, tugging them downwards, and making her look a lot older than she really was. "Just go, Shinji," she sobbed. "Go before I end up hurting you like I hurt everyone else." She buried her head in her hands.

"No, Asuka…I don't want to…leave you," Shinji replied, beginning to feel his own tears building up. His voice quivered. "Please don't ask me to do that." 

"But I…"

Shinji shook his head. "I don't care if you hurt me. I won't leave you." 

Even though a long pause followed, that statement had a soothing effect on Asuka. Her crying slowly ebbed and she began to wipe away her tears with the back of her hands. "Won't you, Shinji?" 

"I want to…stay, Asuka," Shinji said, in hushed whisper. "I…want to be with you." 

"Then stay." 

Shinji wasn't sure what she meant, but his emotions took over. He sat down next to her, unwilling to let his touch abandon her, and pulled her body to him. Asuka uncurled, only to wrap herself around him. "I want to sleep, Shinji," Asuka whispered. "Will you be here when I wake up?" 

There was a maelstrom of fear and longing lost among the words of the questions, as if it were so important that a wrong answer would threaten to destroy everything in Asuka's world. The Third Child didn't know what he should say. Instead, he let his feelings produce the answer. "Yes, I will." 

And then, at that very moment, all the things he'd always feared about Asuka, and his relationship with her, seemed to evaporate in the warmth of their embrace. 

  
X

  
The holding cage on which the remains of Unit 08 had been placed for examination reeked of LCL and Bakelite. It was a strange odor, pungent but not quite offensive, and definitely not something Misato thought she would ever get used to. "Fill me in, Ritsuko. What's the verdict?" she said, as she trotted across the catwalk to where NERV's Chief Scientist was standing, among improvised computer terminals.

Ritsuko did not look away from her computer screen as she replied. "Not much. The entry-plug took a beating and we can't rescue any of the pilot's data." 

Misato looked around the room. "So that's what this is all about," she said. The cage was riddled with catwalks and bridges spanning from every direction and converging in certain points along the half-sunken Evangelion. There were enough cables to wire an entire city, or so Misato imagined. 

"Yes," Ritsuko said. "We need to retrieve some data from this thing. That way we'll be able to gain a better understanding of what happened." She pushed away from her console and rose, stretching her arms. 

"And here I thought the Commander wouldn't care to understand anything as long as the job gets done." Misato came to stand by one of the handrails lining the catwalk. She leaned the small of her back against it, giving her attention fully to Ritsuko. 

"Did you make the trip all the way down here to be sarcastic?" 

"I'm not being sarcastic. I'm being honest," Misato replied. "And before you ask, I didn't come down here to be honest either. I have to talk to you about Asuka." 

Ritsuko gave her a scowl. "Oh, that. Haruna talked to me yesterday. The answer is still no. Asuka is the only combat-ready pilot we've got now. She needs to be standing by, and that means we've got to monitor her through tests." 

"No," Misato corrected, "that means you have to cut her some slack. You have to stop treating her like she's a battery operated robot. Asuka is exhausted, not just physically, but mentally. You can't just plug her to the wall and let her charge overnight." 

"Combat status must be maintained," Ritsuko said, calmly. 

"What? How much combat status can she have when she has trouble keeping her eyes open?" 

"Adrenaline works miracles in high-stress situations. Asuka falling asleep during a hand-to-hand fight is not an issue." 

"I didn't mean she would fall asleep, I meant that…" Misato stopped for a seconds to consider her words, "that how can she be expected to fight like this?" 

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"The way she is now," Misato replied, giving Ritsuko a concerned look. "Her doctor said that during quarantine she was not sleeping well, that she was refusing food, that she was depressed, and the list goes on. She's stressed out, Ritsuko. Really stressed out. And I think it's a good idea to stop the tests for a while." 

"Asuka has been through tough times before, and she's always come out on top. She'll be fine," Ritsuko said. 

Misato gave her a frown. "I suppose you would know," she said, with barely controlled anger. "Like how you knew what was best for Keiko?"

"We did everything we could have done to protect the pilots," Ritsuko said. "Accidents are an unfortunate part of our operations." 

"It's not a matter of what we 'could' have done, but of what we 'should' have," Misato pointed out. 

"Yes, that may be so, but it doesn't change the fact that what happened was an unfortunate incident, Misato," Ritsuko retorted. "Under the circumstances, anything could have happened." 

"I didn't want Unit 08 to be granted combat status. It shouldn't have been out there in the first place." Misato gave Ritsuko a cynical look. "I told you that Keiko was not ready for combat, but you didn't listen. You never listen." 

"There weren't many alternatives." 

"Alternatives are usually dictated by the situations to which they are applied. In this place, however, the alternatives are determined by the whims of the people in charge. Unit 08 had no business being out there. As much as I hate to admit it, Unit 01 would have been a better weapon."

"And then what?" Ritsuko narrowed her eyes. "Would you rather see Shinji taking Keiko's place in that hospital bed?" 

"No. I'd rather not see any of these children in the hospital. They don't deserve this and the fact that you fail to realize just how wrong this is makes it all the more disgusting." Misato looked away. "All the more horrible." 

"And if you want to judge me by what I do, then be my guest," Ritsuko added. 

Misato shook her head. "I'm not judging you, I'm just…I don't want to see what happened to Keiko happen to Asuka. I don't want her to, you know, end up catatonic in a hospital room again. I am asking you, as a friend, to give Asuka some time to get herself back together." 

Ritsuko studied her friend's face for a short moment. She saw the concern and regret mixing into something like despair. She saw anger, and even hate. Amazingly, Ritsuko noted, none of those feelings seemed to be focused towards her; rather it was as if Misato was directing all those things inwards. She was holding herself responsible. Misato had not come here to pass judgment on her, Ritsuko decided, but on her own self. "Fine," Ritsuko finally said. "You win, Misato. I'll give Asuka a week, but she must remain on stand-by in case of an attack." 

Misato's features melted into something resembling a smile. "Agreed."  


X

  
Out on the balcony, Asuka stood, with her arms wrapped around herself, and tried not to mind the cold. She had been there, quietly gazing at the nighttime sky for at least an hour before Shinji, having finished preparing dinner, slid the door open and stepped outside to join her. He shivered as the cold hit him, but he ignored it as he walked over to Asuka. If she could bear it, Shinji thought, so could he.

"It's breezy," Asuka said, her hair dancing in the air as if to make her point, "and cold. I don't think it's ever been this cold before."

Shinji nodded, coming to stand besides her. He quickly realized, however, that since Asuka was not looking at him, she couldn't see the gesture. "I think you're right," he said for her benefit.

"It's winter, isn't it? It snows this time of the year in Germany." Asuka said, melancholically. 

Shinji walked over to her. "Do you miss it, Asuka?" Shinji felt strange asking her a personal question like that, but for the first time he was not afraid to ask her. "Your home, I mean." 

"I never had a home," Asuka was quick to reply. "I lived with my father and his wife, my step mom, for a while, but it was never home. She and I never got along, and my father paid more attention to her than he did to me. I think that's why I focused on Eva. Because it felt like a home. I felt like I belonged there." 

"You belong here too."

Asuka nodded. "I know," she said. 

Shinji hesitated. "I…just wanted to say that. A home is made by the people in your heart, not walls or floors." 

"I like it here," Asuka admitted. "Even if I never say it. I like it when you are around." 

Shinji felt a knot forming in his throat. "Asuka…I…" 

"I really didn't want you to see me like you did today," Asuka cut him off. She sighed and turned to face Shinji. "I was…embarrassed. But I'm glad you decided to stick by me." 

"I wanted you to know that…I was there for you." Shinji gazed in his companion's blue eyes, and held his breath. Asuka radiated warmth the way a star gives off light. The way her pale cheeks, flushed with subtle rosy shades of crimson by the chilly air, contrasted against her eyes. 

Shinji lost himself in those eyes, so perfect, so inviting. But he was aware that they were more than just that, because he knew that those eyes hid a great deal of pain, and sorrow, and loss. 

Asuka shuddered visibly. Whether it was because of the cold or her own emotions, Shinji couldn't tell. She changed her posture, shifting her weight from one leg to the other, suggesting slight discomfort. "I've been in a very dark place lately, Shinji," she whispered. "But just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, there you were. And you were willing to get hurt because of me, despite everything I've done to you. I am embarrassed because I don't think I deserve you, Shinji. What could be between us scares me."

"I am afraid too, Asuka, but I…I…" He could feel her grief. He wished he could reach out with his soul and touch hers, even for one second, or a lifetime. He wished there were no way they could be separated. He wished to be with her forever.

Shinji knew what he had to say. 

"I love you, Asuka." There was uncertainty in his voice, and, despite his fears, he uttered the words again to convince himself he'd actually spoken them out loud. "I…love you." 

Asuka was silent. Slowly, she took a step forward, feeling the cold floor under the soles of her feet, and moved an arm across Shinji's shoulders until she had him firmly in her embrace. "Shinji…I," she began, hesitating, "I…always knew it'd be you."

In a moment of perfect clarity, Shinji responded by wrapping his arms around her slender waist, and allowed her warmth to engulf him. She was so close now, her sharp nose only centimeters away from his. Shinji could feel her breath caressing his face, her long locks of hair brushing his face.

He smiled, that childish grin of his, as if there were no bigger problems in the world than those of a child. But Asuka knew better. The grin was more than that. It was a quiet reflection on life, and external display of his inner pain, of his own hopes and dreams. 

So she let the grin sustain her. She felt herself melting in his arms, and a remote part of her mind screamed. This was the part of her that represented who she had been. All the anger, the hatred, the pain. The things that had made her wish for death. For a second she wanted to pull away and run, but his warmth strengthened her. She pushed those feelings back into the darkness that dwelt within her. 

This was all that mattered. Shinji was here for her just as she had always dreamed. He was all hers, and then she knew the unquestionable truth: she loved him. No, it was more than love. It was something higher than that, something so great that its definition escaped her. She was his. All of her. 

"Asuka…are you sure?" Shinji asked, a tiny sliver of fear creeping into his voice. His face was awash with concern. "I don't want to…hurt you." 

Asuka nodded solemnly, her hand stroking Shinji's cheeks. She traced a gentle line along his chin, and knotted her fingers in his hair. Her warm gaze never left his. She let herself fall into the abyss of emotions she had bottled up for so long. As far as she was concerned there were only two things in the universe that mattered, one was holding her, and one stirred within her. "We have grown up, Shinji," she whispered. Her lips parted, and she closed her eyes. 

Shinji tipped his head forward. He had waited for this moment for so long. He had wanted to hold Asuka in his arms, to let her know how much she meant to him. Shinji had always been torn by his feelings towards her. In the darker days of the fight with the Angels he couldn't bear to be with her. Asuka had become so hostile, so angry. Everything she said was an insult, all she did was abuse him. He hadn't known if he could live with her. It was the most painful time he could recall. But he'd come to identify with her. He'd learned that she needed him just as much as he needed her. 

Asuka completed him, and she was waiting for him. 

Their lips met gently, with nothing more than a caress, but that was enough for Asuka to feel shockwaves of electricity flowing through her. The sensation flooded her every cell, and ate its way into her being. It became almost like a tangible thing and Asuka opened herself to it. She basked in the overwhelming feeling of it all. 

Asuka felt her body slipping away, relaxing under the tsunami of sensations, and her mind spun wildly. In all her life she had never experienced anything like this. Never had she shared such an intimate bond with another human being. Never felt this way about anyone. She knew she was supposed to fight it. She knew a part of her wanted her to fight it. But faced which such comfort, she caved in and submitted herself to the magnitude of it all. 

Shinji felt Asuka's body relaxing under his kiss. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, as if afraid he would lose her if he let go. The smell of her hair surrounded him, and her taste intoxicated him. Shinji looked deep within himself, down into the very core of his being, and realize he was starving for her. His mind became a blur where the only sensation he could make out was the alien sensation in his mouth, and he quickly identified the source. She intoxicated him, as he pressed harder against her lips. He was drunk with her.

In this moment only the two of them existed in the world. 

Had he not needed to breath, Shinji would have kissed Asuka for the rest of time. But that was not to be. When the kiss finally broke they both gasped for air, and locked eyes with each other, tightening the embrace. Surprisingly, Asuka was the first to look away. "Shinji…I'm sorry," she whispered.

The former Third Child could not hide his surprise. "What for?" 

"For everything I did to you." 

"Asuka, you don't have to…" he tried to say, but Asuka cut him off. 

"Yes, I have to," she said. "I was always too proud to say it, but…I admire you. Despite…all the things I said. Whenever I looked at you, I felt…like I was nothing. And I blamed you –a part of me still blames you-, but…it was my fault. It was always me. My pride. I wanted to win so badly that it became everything, and when I couldn't win anymore…I just…" 

Shinji gazed out into the distance, where the few remaining Tokyo-3 lights lit the night's sky to life with a bright display of color. The wind blew across his face and made him shiver, echoing the turmoil of emotions that besieged him. "Asuka, you are the strongest person I know." He stroked her hair with a hand. "I always wondered how you did it. I always wanted to be like you. But I never knew how much you were suffering. And sometimes, I wonder if I would have done anything to comfort you had I known. Or would I have just run away like every other time some one needed me?"

"But you didn't run away." Asuka's voice trembled. "I did. Every time I stormed off, or locked myself in my room. I was always running away." 

"Asuka…" 

"Just say you forgive me, Shinji. I don't want to go down this road again. 

For a few moments Shinji just held her, letting her warmth course through him, fighting the cold. When he replied, it was from the depths of his soul. "I…forgive you, Asuka." 

There was a quiet whisper of a reply. A tiny whimper of emotion that let Shinji know she had acknowledged his forgiveness. Asuka let him hold her for a few more minutes and then, gently, rested her head against his shoulder. Neither said a word. There was no longer any need to. They had connected on a level that was far beyond anything they could ever say. 

So they just held each other, the Second Child and the Third Child, amidst the quiet chant of the cicadas.

  
X

  
To be Continued. 


	13. Entanglement

Gentle reader: Yes. You are not seeing things. This is really a new chapter, as of 11/21/2006. I'll admit that didn't intend for it to take this long to put out another chapter, but here we are. Didn't get this to my pre-readers because it just sitting in my computer kinda irks me when it's been so long between updates. I hope you think it was worth it. Joedoebell is, I hope, still looking at this, and I will update if any major changes are made, I promise. Now, the more observant readers will probably note the change in narrator from previous chapters into an third person effaced narrator. This, IMHO, makes for a tighter story and heightens the drama since you only know what one character is thinking at a time. Like I told Joe, I was gonna write a really long intro to explain some of the themes here, but I think I'll let get your own conclusions. Its more fun that way. Also, assume I wrote some crappy legal disclaimer at the top of the page.

Anyway, you've waited long enough, so here we go ...

* * *

**"My heart is strung like a lute; If you touch it, it resounds." -De Beranger.**

**NGE: Genocide**

**Chapter 12: Entanglement.**

Asuka could not sleep so she sat curled up on the bed, staring absently into the darkness. Besides her, Shinji slept peacefully, off in whatever dream his brain had taken him to, barely visible in the dark of his room.

The images brought out of the nightmare that had awoken her started to fade into her subconscious. Like every other night it had been terrifying and vivid, and ended with her holding the boy next to her—the boy she had given her heart to—in her arms. There was blood smeared all over their bodies, glinting brightly through the thick haze that hung in the air. That Shinji wasn't some stupid crush anymore only made it worse. He was part of her; the part that kept her going; that made her feel warm when there was only sadness around her. Loosing him was not something she was sure she could endure.

Asuka was annoyed to find tears welling up in her eyes and wondered sourly if Shinji was really asleep or just faking it.

With a glare in his direction, she rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. The light hurt her eyes as she leaned over the sink, splashing water on her face, hoping to wash away both her tears and the remnants of the nightmare. The girl staring back at her from the other side of the mirror did not seem like herself. It was hard to believe the careworn expression and messy hair was all that was left of the once proud Second Child.

"What's the matter with you, Asuka?" she asked the girl in the mirror. "It's not your fault that you love him. And he loves you. That's what you wanted, right? Isn't that enough?"

But that was not what she had wanted. The desire of her heart had never been a willful decision, had never been something she had envisioned happening; on the contrary, she had abhorred it, feared it, been sickened by it. And yet, there was no reasoning with her rogue feelings. "You don't have to let him love you. You can push him away like before. You can be alone."

The girl in the mirror made a face like someone tasting a bitter piece of candy. No, she couldn't be alone. She couldn't push away from him. How was she supposed to when Shinji had so completely realized her heart's desire with one warm kiss, when being with him took away the loneliness and made her feel as special and wanted as piloting Unit-02 had?

After a few painful minutes she could not stand the sight of her own reflection and dropped her head, slumping over the sink until her forehead was inches away from the faucet. She closed her eyes, and in the darkness of her mind the awful memory of the nightmare began to resurface, sending hot anguish rolling over her, threatening to shatter whatever emotional defenses she had left.

* * *

The call had not been a surprise; Nakayima had been expecting it for a while, and had had time to think about what he would say. He'd have to lie, to say it was a tragedy when in reality it was the most likely outcome. Now, fifteen minutes later, he ran down a hallway in Central Dogma's medical ward, his heart hammering against his ribcage. He was out of breath by the time he'd found the correct room. Taking a deep gulp of air, he steadied himself for what was about come and opened the door.

Like all other rooms in this part of the ward, this one was mostly filled with medical equipment designed for life support functions, surrounding a large bed. There were several doctors in the room, strange looks on their faces that he could not quite identify—only in passing did he notice the blue-haired girl. His attention became fixed on the two figures on the bed.

Miko was crying as she embraced the body of her ward—14-year old and one time Eva pilot Keiko. He could not see her features, which he knew had to be twisted into the sort of anguished mask that would haunt him for years. Death had always been an easy thing to deal with, yet this was far beyond anything he had experienced before. This was someone he cared for. Slowly, Miko's crying diminished as she pulled away from the object of her grief and suddenly, incredibly, Nakayima was confronted with a pair of eyes.

Brown eyes.

Keiko was looking at him.

Nakayima was dumbstruck. In that brief moment, everything he thought he knew about life and death went out the window. Miko wasn't crying from anguish; she was crying from happiness. "How...?" he managed to ask.

One of the doctors, a woman in her fifties with black hair, who was standing farthest away from the bed heard him. "We don't know," she said and shook her head. "Nobody can make any sense of it: one minute she's in a coma; the next she's hitting the emergency page. Her body is holding together, and her mind is all there—no brain damage ... nothing. She seems alert, too. Remarkable, considering what she's been through." She nodded towards the blue-haired girl. "Rei was here when it happened. She said Keiko just woke up."

Nakayima recognized the girl now: Rei Ayanami, the First Child. He didn't give it much thought; it made sense that the Children would check up on one another. His attention went back to the doctor. "Can she recover?"

"In time and with therapy she can recover somewhat fully." The doctor looked at Miko. "And with someone who loves her."

"We'll need to do some testing, of course, and take measures to prevent any further damage," another doctor spoke up. "Technically, she should be under quarantine, but we haven't picked up anything to indicate there's any residual contamination in her system. Her psychology is the biggest issue right now. We can't just CAT-Scan for that kind of damage, and there's really no telling what the Angel did to her mind. We do have a lot of experience with this sort of thing, though."

"And you are sure there is no way to explain how this happened?" Nakayima asked, incredulously. "I mean, maybe you missed something."

Both doctors shook their heads.

"Who cares how it happened—who cares why..." Miko's voice was weak and hoarse. She beamed down at Keiko, pure joy lighting up her face. The younger girl did her best to smile as Miko stroked her hair with the loving tenderness of a mother. "All that matters is that it happened."

Long ago, Nakayima had become convinced that there was a reason and a cause for everything. His cynical view of the world had never given him the chance to put much trust in religion—ignorant people liked to believe in something because there were things with explanations far too complex for them to understand and not because there was such a thing as a higher power. But maybe he'd always been wrong. Maybe he'd just failed to realize that having faith did not mean you had to believe in something and simply believe that some things didn't need to be reasoned, they just needed to happen. And if he was wrong about that, maybe he was wrong about everything else.

* * *

"I see." Gendo Ikari said calmly.

He had barely made a gesture as Fuyutsuki delivered his report. This was not unusual; he was just one of those people with an uncanny ability to keep his thoughts from showing on his features, and after years in his employ Fuyutsuki had learned not to take offense at his superior lack of response.

"Would you like me to follow up?" Fuyutsuki asked. It was merely protocol, as he already knew the answer.

"No, no need to keep me informed." Ikari leaned back on his chair. "Are you sure Rei was there?"

"Positive. There is no evidence that she was involved in any way, obviously, but I do find it highly suspicious. And you know better than me what she is capable of doing."

"I do."

"Does it worry you?" Fuyutsuki asked. Even if Ikari was not willing to admit it, he hoped to make it understood that he knew this was a problem.

"I had not expected to predict all her actions. Rei is a human being still and therefore has free will, but she is merely the instrument by which the choice is made."

Fuyutsuki nodded stoically, but Ikari's words did little to reassure him. This was more or less what they had wanted to avoid. Rei was unpredictably human. She could be expected to do as she was told because it was Gendo Ikari telling her to do it, nothing more. It would be up to her to decide in the end, regardless of anything Ikari, or anyone else, had to say in the matter and if he thought this was the kind of issue to be underestimated Fuyutsuki thought he should know better. He was a rogue, Fuyutsuki had know that since he had first met him, but this time the stakes were much too high to allow such complacency.

The future could not be built from mistakes.

* * *

As was normal procedure, Unit-02 was secured in the main cage, sunken up to its chest in LCL fluid in order to allow the technicians to perform a complete evaluation. The web of platforms and catwalks that surrounded it provided access to several of its components and served as control stations to store and analyze the data from all the checks and re-checks being conducted.

Maya had set up her main computer station to act as a hub on a platform around Unit-02's back where she had access to the entry-plug's insertion jack as well as the diagnosis panel from which she ran a series of cables to the computers, allowing MAGI to scan the lines of code from Unit-02's operating system for errors. It was tedious, boring work, but pretty important. Conveniently, it would also provide Maya the perfect excuse to do what was necessary to keep that government jackass from putting a bullet in her head.

She spared a scornful glance at the little memory module attached to one of computers, efficiently betraying everything she believed in.

"No. Secure that to coolant pipe seven."

Maya jumped at the sound of Ritsuko Akagi's voice and looked around to see her boss walking down one of the catwalks, a laptop and several binders full of papers tucked under an arm, her normally white lab coat was dirty, her clothes wrinkled and she looked as if she'd been running on caffeine and stimulants for the last week.

"How's it going?" Ritsuko asked, dropping on a nearby computer terminal.

"So far so good, Ma'am. Repairs are mostly finished," she said, trying hard not to let her apprehension leak into her voice and failing to meet Ritsuko's gaze for fear her resolve would disappear. "We should be ready for tomorrow. We may have to file a Material Report."

"Why?"

"We found rust on the armor," Maya explained, motioning towards the small tube on her desk.

Ritsuko examined the tube's content closely, holding it against the light and noticing a tiny flake suspended in the translucent LCL. "Looks like rust all right. Where did you get it?"

"Just under the chest. Pectoral armor plate."

Ritsuko frowned with suspicion. "What does MAGI say?"

"Mass spectrum checks out so there's no danger. Maybe—with our budget don't you think someone is bound to be cutting corners?"

"And you think it's a defective armor plate?" Ritsuko frowned angrily. "The Commander might go as far as calling it sabotage and asking for someone's head. Yes. It wouldn't be the first time. File the report."

"Would you like me to fix it?"

"No, it would take too long to replace. Not to mention the manpower it would take, which we can't spare. Just file the report and schedule a maintenance team to work on it within 48 hours. Right now, Unit-02's activation tomorrow has priority over everything else. We simply can't postpone it any longer." She closed her eyes wearily and leaned back on the chair, rubbing her temple.

"Ma'am?"

"What about Unit-02's operating system?" She looked at one of the computers—the one with the memory module. A flash crossed her eyes. "What is that?"

Maya felt her stomach knotting up. "It's … ah—it's…"

"Forget it." Ritsuko waved her hand dismissively. "Next time you do a memory dump let me know, okay? What about the operating system?"

"It … good. It's perfect, actually. All the queries came back just the way MAGI expected them," Maya managed.

"I would expect nothing less." Ritsuko stood up and flexed her shoulders to shake off some of the fatigue. "Keep me posted. Whatever you do, make sure we are ready to go tomorrow. Minor problems can be fixed later. When you are done here take your equipment over to Unit-01."

"Unit-01? Will we be activating it as well?"

"As per the Commander's orders. Shouldn't be too much of a problem."

"Yes, Ma'am."

As her boss walked away, Maya let out a sigh of relief and hoped the stupid little module would hurry the hell up before she had a nervous breakdown, or was caught.

* * *

Perhaps it hadn't been such a good idea to go to school today.

Having revealed his feelings for Asuka, despite re-enforcing their shared bond, had created a whole new set of problems for Shinji. For one thing, knowing that he was in love with her, and being with her essentially twenty-four hours a day, had gotten him incredibly mixed up in her moods and emotions. Not such a good thing considering he was an introvert and would prefer to keep to himself when given a choice. What made it worse was that he knew that by withdrawing like he used to, he'd be leaving Asuka on her own, abandoning her, doing what he'd promised he wouldn't do. He felt guilty just thinking about it, but the thought had found an anchor in his subconscious and refused to move.

And though he had never been in love before and never even had a relationship, he wondered if the same could be said of Asuka. She certainly seemed to know what was expected of him as a boyfriend better than he did, which left her acting surly and him feeling like he was letting her down when he failed to meet her expectations.

At least he knew it was his fault. It wasn't what he said or did, rather it was what he didn't. She'd strike up a conversation seemingly just for the sake of talking and then berated him if he didn't appear interested. At times she'd move uncomfortably close to him when they were watching television and looked hurt if he tensed as their bare arms or legs brushed against the other, as if if she thought he didn't want to touch her. And yet some other times she would refuse to come close to him altogether, keeping her distance despite catching the obvious look of apology on his face for whatever he may have unintentionally done.

He just didn't understand. Asking her had done him no good—she'd refused to answer, instead giving him a look that indicated he should know already. How was he supposed to when she never bothered to explain anything?

This morning seemed to be a similar occasion.

Shinji hadn't thought about Asuka when Misato had insisted he go to school. Asuka had a university degree, she didn't have to worry about such mundane concerns. And he really hadn't thought she would want to come with him just to avoid being cooped up alone in the apartment all day.

He'd been stupid.

Shinji hadn't dared say anything to her over breakfast or as they walked to the train station, but when they finally sat down on the back of the train he could hold his silence no longer. "Asuka, uh, are you sure you want to come?" he asked tentatively, careful to make it clear he was interested but did not mean to encroach on her. "If you don't want to go to school…you don't have to."

"I can decide for myself if I want to leave the apartment," she answered, a little acidly.

That was not enough to ease Shinji's mind so he tried pushing a little. "It's just that … I didn't mean to leave you alone, I just didn't think you'd mind if I went to school. And … and if it's my fault ... I'm sor— "

"Are you stupid?" Asuka frowned at him, the gesture accenting the dark lines around her eyes. "You want to help? Don't apologize—you know I hate it! And stop acting like such a doormat, okay? Just because I sleep in your bed doesn't mean I have to tell you everything!"

The train was mostly empty, as it normally was, so it would have been hard for anyone else to overhear a regular conversation, but the sudden increase in the volume of her voice had gotten a few people who were sitting towards the front of the car turn to their heads in her and Shinji's direction. He blushed a deep crimson as the different, more shameful, meanings of Asuka's words popped into his head.

That's what I get for opening my mouth, he thought and settled into a gloomy silence. He was a little surprised when Asuka spoke up again after a minute.

"You know, as tactless as you are, there is something…" she hesitated. "It's got nothing to do with you—not really, I suppose—so quit acting like it's your fault. I know I'm being pathetic feeling this way, but … Unit-02's activation is tomorrow—the first activation since...well, you know."

"But Misato said everything would be fine."

Asuka scoffed derisively. "And you believe her? She's just telling you what you want to hear. She's scared—they all are—because of what happened last time. Because of what I did."

A memory was triggered in Shinji's mind. "You told me once that as long as you defeated the Angel ... as long as it was the right thing..."

"Yeah, well, it's not the same thing talking about it and actually doing it. Pragmatism doesn't do you any good when you almost snuffed out someone's life. I mean, really, I didn't like Nagara, but ... I almost killed her."

"I almost killed someone too, remember?"

Shinji did not, in fact, want to remember. It was one of the most miserable episodes in his life, surpassed only by killing Kaoru—though he'd at least come to justify that because he'd been the last Angel. To this day he was not entirely convinced Toji, once one of his best friends, had forgiven him for what happened, and Shinji still blamed both himself and his father. It had gotten so bad he'd mutinied and made a promise never to pilot Eva again; a promise he broke, mended, and then broke again. He was only dimly aware that this was the first time Asuka had talked about what happened with Unit-08.

"This is different. You...when Toji got hurt it wasn't you, it was the Dummy System and that other boy WAS an Angel, if you hadn't killed him we'd be dead now. What I did...it was me who did it. I hurt Nagara. I wanted to hurt her. I just—" she looked down at her hands "—I was so angry and suddenly it was like I didn't have to hold back. Like something in me decided it didn't like being human anymore and just came loose."

"An N2 mine had just gone off right in front of you, Asuka," his reply was reassuring and as full of sympathy as he could manage. "You were hurt. I don't think anybody blames you for what happened."

"Nobody has to blame me. I blame myself."

"That's just how I used to feel—how I still feel some times. I mean—it's not an easy thing to live with, specially if it's someone close to you, but eventually ... I guess eventually the logic of it takes away some of the pain."

Her eyes flared with a little of her old fire—the haughtiness, not malice. "You are so full of it, Third Child."

She was right, of course. Shinji had just wanted to comfort her by relating to the way he had felt back then, instead of making things worse by telling her that the pain wouldn't go away completely, that it would stay with her, making her feel miserable until something worse happened to her, opening a bigger wound that made this one seem small in comparison.

"Have I told you what my nightmares are about, Shinji?"

"No."

And Asuka told him, with the kind of attention to detail that comes from experiencing a trauma again and again and again. Last week he had found her a sobbing wreck in her bedroom, desperately wanting him to go away for fear of hurting him. He'd thought she was simply projecting what she'd done to Keiko Nagara onto him in a moment of guilty anguish. The nightmares were the reason she started sleeping in his bed, so he'd been aware of them—aware that they must be more than a fleeting thing to cause her so much grief—but the imagery and the context in which she had placed them in left him horrified. Like other numerous times during the past week, he had no idea what to say to her.

Asuka had clearly expected him to reply, and when he didn't a shadow of resentment fell across her face and she turned away. Shinji was forced to swallow an apology.

* * *

Shinji didn't really hear what was being said in lecture; he didn't care. The old geezer at the front of the nearly empty classroom was probably droning on about when they used to have seasons, or when you could buy a small car for a 100-yen, or some other useless detail with near to no educational value. By the time the bell for recess rang, his mind was hovering somewhere in the misty drowsiness that preceded full-blown sleep. He was not the only one by the looks of it—just about everyone but Hikari seemed to have fallen off the wagon and had that glassy-eyed look that indicated their minds were somewhere far way; some, Asuka included, had laid their heads down on their desks.

"Uh?" He shook himself awake as Kensuke nudged him in the arm.

"Lets go outside. Geez, this guy is worse that our old teacher. Where do you suppose they find these fossils anyway?"

Shinji did not get a chance for a reply as Hikari had overheard them and was clearly not willing to let such disrespect to authority slide. "Kensuke Aida," she said in her official voice, "that is no way to talk about your elders. We should look up to them!"

"Yeah, in a museum."

Whether Hikari found this reply as funny as Shinji and Kensuke did they would never find out. Hikari's attention became suddenly fixed on Asuka's sleeping form. "Shinji, is she ... doing okay?"

"Sorta. She's not sleeping very well. Hey, Asuka..." He shook her gently, just hard enough to wake her without startling her. "It's recess. You wanna grab our lunches and go outside?"

Asuka rubbed sleep from her eyes with the back of a hand as straightened up. "Yeah, sure."

They retrieved their bento boxes from within their desks and together headed down the hall. Food was one of the pleasures Shinji enjoyed the most. The good thing about packing his own lunch was that after a while school cafeteria food and vending machine snacks got kind of old and started tasting the same. This way was much better. Seeing Asuka in a normal setting, talking with Hikari, was a huge boost to his morale as well. He had forgotten how sociable she could be when she was in the mood, which was not often nowadays.

None of them was paying much attention as they rounded a corner and ran straight into Rei Ayanami.

She who wore her usual uniform despite not having shown up for class. Her face was blank in a way that suited her pleasantly soft features, and she seemed as if she she had simply drifted into their path like a cloud in the sky pushed by a quiet breeze. Strangely, he thought it was like meeting a loved one whom he hadn't seen in a long time. He couldn't quite distinguish the feeling, faint as it was. From the moment he'd met Rei, there had been something about her that always seemed strange to him—not bad, just strange. As their relationship developed, however, he had come to care for her. She'd become the gentle counterpoint to his jarring emotions and for a time he thought he might love her.

And she died, Shinji thought. She died and he met this girl who was everything his Rei was. He'd like to believe that, except she wasn't even the same person, the same heart.

"I need to speak with Ikari alone," Rei said flatly, not looking at anyone but Shinji.

"Ayanami—" Hikari started but couldn't finish.

"Get lost, Wonder Girl," Asuka growled.

Rei did not even blink, or made any other gesture that would indicate she'd heard her. "I need to speak with Ikari alone," she repeated.

Asuka stepped forward, placing herself between Shinji and Rei. "And I told you to get lost!"

Shinji did not think Asuka's hostile tone was necessary—after all, he himself had once made a habit of turning to Rei when in need of someone to talk to. "It's okay, Asuka."

"No, it's not okay!" Asuka glanced over to him. "Don't you see? She wants to have you back!"

And then it clicked.

"No way. Rei and I have always been just friends!"

"I do not understand," Rei said. Her face remained calm, so it was difficult to tell if she did or not.

"Like hell you don't!" Asuka said gruffly. "You may fool the idiot, Wonder Girl, but you don't fool me. You are jealous that he chose me over you. Admit it—it pisses you off and you want him back!"

Always the joker, Kensuke made a noise like a cat ready to fight. Hikari summarily slapped him around the back of the neck.

Asuka was being paranoid, Shinji thought. He was annoyed that she was being so horrible to Rei, but after all that had happened to bring the two of them together he couldn't really blame her—she was just protecting what she considered her own. "Asuka, how would she even know about—"

"Oh," Rei's eyes widened slightly in comprehension. "Yes, you are correct. I am jealous."

Shinji was taken aback by this admission; a knot began to form in his stomach as sudden, squirming doubt filled his heart. Had he been wrong? Had Rei Ayanami seen him as more than he'd thought? It was possible—more than possible, he'd known her longer than he'd known Asuka. "You are?"

"See? I told you." Asuka folded her arms across her chest.

"Yes." For the first time Rei took her eyes from Shinji and fixed them squarely on Asuka. "You have found something I can never have. You love and are loved. Nobody but yourself can change that and nobody has the right to, even if it is done to spare you, or the one you love, from being hurt."

Shinji's heart skipped a beat.

It had to be a coincidence—there was no way Rei could have known about his conversation with Asuka in the train. Asuka noticed it too. The confident smugness of having forced Rei to admit her feelings just a second ago disappeared and was replaced by the same insecurity Shinji had seen on her that morning. Even Kensuke and Hikari could tell something was amiss.

"I need to speak with you alone," she repeated again, and again addressing Shinji directly—this time without any objections from Asuka, who suddenly seemed to have lost the desire for confrontation.

"Don't worry, we'll save you some food," Hikari said, suspiciously cheerful, taking his bento box and waving him off.

Shinji started to follow Rei but before he'd taken more a few steps he turned towards the stunned Second Child. Coincidence or not, the words had fallen on her like a hammer. He wondered if he should explain that Rei would never say anything to upset her on purpose. "I'll meet you guys outside, okay? Asuka?"

"Uh?" Asuka blinked herself back to reality and tightened her face. "Yeah. Fine. Whatever."

The boy's bathroom down the hall was Rei's choice of meeting place. A large majority of the students hung out outside or in the classrooms so it was empty most of the time, though Shinji had the impression none of the boys would mind having her in there, and he knew she couldn't have cared less—Rei was weird like that—he was just glad she hadn't chosen the girl's bathroom. "So, um, what's up?"

"I made a decision," Rei started, "but even after thinking about it, I am not certain it was the right decision to make."

"Um, I'm not sure I can help you, Ayanami. Have you tried asking Misato or Ritsuko?"

"You are the only one who can understand. Because you, like me, carry a burden. We pilot Eva and make decisions that affect others all the time, and yet it is never personal. But when a decision affects a single individual, a single innocent person whose life is changed by you, how do you begin to deal with that?"

A strange feeling erupted in Shinji's chest. The same feeling he had when he knew Asuka wanted something from him but he didn't know what. "Why me?"

"I don't understand."

"You said I'm just like you, so how would I know how to deal with something when you don't? Sorry, but I'm just not good at this sort of thing and I don't think I'll ever be." He sighed. "Asuka is like this some times too, so I guess I'm the one with the problem."

Rei wasn't looking at him anymore, instead casting her tranquil ruby eyes on her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "Are you happy?"

Shinji was thrown for a loop by the question and the sudden change of subject. Rei had a knack for being painfully direct and she would expect a direct answer, even if he wasn't sure what the answer was. "No ... well, yes and no," he said hesitantly. "I mean, I'm not unhappy—like before—but things could be better."

"But you are in love, correct? How can you not be happy?"

"Being in love and being happy are not the same thing. At least, I don't think they are."

Rei's head dipped slightly. "If you could be happy forever, would you give up those whom you love?"

The thought of loosing Asuka was enough to make him feel like he couldn't breath, like a hole had opened in chest and swallowed his heart. "No," he said firmly. "I guess ... happiness isn't everything … like, if you live without love you just live; if you live and love someone then you have a reason to live. Being happy is good and all, but being in love … it feels right."

"Is that why you love her, the Second Child?"

"Yes—I don't know. Our relationship is more complicated than that, I think. I can't say why I love her—I just know I do."

Rei closed her eyes as he spoke. "You just know?"

"Yeah. It's like something inside."

"I see. Thank you."

Her interest apparently satisfied, and with nothing else to discuss, Rei turned around and headed back out to the hallway. In typical fashion she gave no indication that their conversation had affected her in the slightest, which left Shinji even more confused as he still had no idea what it had all been about, nor what it was Rei had wanted from him in the first place. And was she really jealous of Asuka? And how had she known—

"Ayanami … wait," Shinji called out. "Your first question … "

"I have my answer," Rei said, giving him a little smile that might as well have been a wide grin. "Thank you for your honesty."

* * *

"Keiko should have never been put into that position—stupid machine!" Misato kicked the vending machine that had taken her money for what had to be the tenth time in as many seconds. "Dammit! Even the bending machines are corrupt in this day-and-age."

"It did you a favor—that stuff will kill you, Major," Nakayima said, handing back the clipboard Misato had entrusted him with when she started attacking the machine. "Anyway, definitely nobody expected this to happen. There wasn't much anyone could do about it, right?"

Misato gave him a cynical frown.

"Believe that if you want, but in this place things like this happen because people are worth less than machinery. Keiko was not ready for combat; she shouldn't have been out there in the first place. And Asuka—" she sighed "—well, don't even get me started."

She placed the clipboard under one arm and headed for the nearby elevator. There were too many things that needed doing for her to have the luxury of standing around chatting. Nakayima, however, fell into step behind her, saying, "That's more or less the reason I wanted to see you. When I saw Keiko this morning something happened."

"Well, yeah, sure. She's out of the coma, isn't she?" The elevator door closed and Misato hit the button for her floor, watching the numbers begin to tick away indicating their descent.

"I meant something happened to me." Nakayima clarified.

Misato turned a curious eyebrow at him. "Really?"

"I'm going to resign my commission. And I want to take Miko and Keiko with me."

"Kidnapping is still a crime, just so you know."

Nakayima was not amused. "I'm serious, Major."

"Sorry." Misato looked away, a little embarrassed at her own lack of sympathy. She focused once again on the floor numbers and wondered grimly when she had turned into such a Ritsuko-like harpy. "Does Miko want to leave?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you think you should run this by her? I don't see that she would want to go, though. Keiko is getting some of the best medical care in the world here. And then there's the issue of your employer."

"That's the thing ... " Nakayima hesitated. "I've gotten around. I know people and, in such an extreme circumstance, I suppose I can find a way out if I try hard enough and if I have something to trade with. I placed a phone call this morning to—"

Misato did not need to hear anything more. "Whatever it is, the answer is no. Absolutely not."

"But you don't even know—"

Misato turned around and faced him straight on, her shoulders tensed, her face hard like a mask carved out of stone. His dark eyes peered into hers, and she noticed for the first time that they looked different than she remembered. Kaji had always been rather unkempt, letting his hair grown long, neglecting to shave, or wearing a wrinkled shirt—completely opposite of the man standing in front of her. And yet, for a brief second she thought she saw a little of Kaji in his eyes.

"You are obviously here because you want something from me," she said sharply. "And obviously you want to use this something to make some kind of deal—some kind of trade—with these 'people'. Am I correct so far? Good. So, whatever it is you want, the answer is no. I have enough to deal with already without having to mess around with your spy buddies."

Nakayima raised a hand to ward off her aggression. "But they just want to talk to you."

"That's what they all say. No. You want to quit, find someone else to bargain with. I will not put myself into such a dangerous—not to mention stupid—position." Misato took a step forward, closing the distance between them and bringing her face to within inches of his. "Unlike you, I have other people—children—to think about."

"They are not your children."

The words had hardly left his mouth when Misato raised her hand and slapped him across the face.

Nakayima backed away, rubbing the spot where her hand had landed as she turned her back to him and folded her arms, fuming. The nerve on this bastard, she thought. First he wants to use her like a tool and then to insinuate that—that what? He was right. Shinji and Asuka were not her children, not even family.

"I shouldn't have said that, I know," he said by way of an apology. "Look, I know you care a lot about the children. But I care about Miko and Keiko too. What happened this morning... "

"Being selfish doesn't mean you care," Misato spat. "I learned that a long time ago. You are grown man, it's time you learned it too."

"I don't intend to be selfish."

"Your intentions might be good, but you haven't even thought about what Miko wants—only what you want, and you act accordingly. This is not merely selfish; it's repulsive. And what about Keiko? She's the innocent here. Did you think about her at all? It's her life, her future. She has a far greater right to enjoy those things than a broken spy running away from guilt."

The elevator door opened with an electronic ping.

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" He yelled at her as she marched off towards her office, leaving him behind. "My conscience will not let me sit here an watch them suffer any more!"

Misato ignored him, determined not to listen to anything he might have to say just in case he might find the right words to dissolve her anger. Hyouga was waiting in her office, brewing coffee in the corner. She kicked herself mentally for forgetting she had promised to meet him, and asked him to get her a cup as she slammed down her clipboard. A great deal of her anger must have shown on her face because Hyouga gave her a concerned look. Misato shook her head to make it clear she didn't wish to talk about it.

Instead she shifted to the subject that had brought Hyouga here. "You set it up?"

"Yeah. It went smoothly, though I have to admit I couldn't have done it if our communication array hadn't been scrambled by the Angel." He handed her the steaming mug of coffee.

"Encrypted?" Misato took a sip, letting the hot liquid linger in her mouth for a bit.

"As secure as MAGI can make it." He reached up and pressed his glasses more firmly onto the bridge of his nose, his voice lowered. "Um, Major, it's not that I mind doing this for you—I mean, you know I don't—but would you at least tell me what you are looking for."

Misato thought this over, focusing intently on the black surface of her coffee. "Nothing in particular. I just needed someone handy with computers, like before. It doesn't really concern you." She suppressed a sigh, realizing belatedly that she had sounded harsher than she meant to. "Listen, Hyouga, I don't mean to be mad at you, and it's certainly not that I don't trust you, but I'd hate to make a liar out of you so the less you know the less you have to lie for me if anybody asks."

"Major, there's not need to apologize," Hyouga said warmly. "But just for the record, I'd be glad to lie for you. You should now that already."

Misato lifted her gaze towards Hyouga, leaning heavily against the front of her desk. "I'm a really bad influence, aren't I?"

* * *

Rei pressed her hand against the glass window overlooking the test cage were Unit-02 was held. Misato noticed her and came to stand besides her, putting a hand gently on her shoulder and looking at the Evangelion below.

All preparations had been completed and the entry plug was in position, half inserted into its jack on the spot were the motionless giant's spine met the back of its skull, the access hatch opened and awaiting the pilot. The LCL had been drained, leaving a huge, empty box of shimmering metal and concrete. The restraints that attached Unit-02 to its berth were still in place, locking it down for security.

"You know, I'm not at all sorry that we haven't tried to fix Unit-00," Misato said, her eyes becoming fixed on Asuka's slender plug-suited form as she came out of the ready room and climbed into the entry plug. "At least you don't have to do this anymore."

"I do not miss it. If it is not required of me, then I should not feel sorry," Rei said simply.

"That's very mature." Misato turned her attention to Ritsuko, who stood besides Haruna on one of the consoles. A dozen pairs of eager eyes, half of which she didn't know by name, stared dutifully at their assigned screens, waiting for the command. This being the first activation test in a while, the control room was crowded, the soft hum of machinery lingered in the silence. "Are we ready?"

"Affirmative," came Ritsuko's reply. As the Head Scientist, the activation test was her responsibility so she would be calling out the commands; Misato, as the tactician, was simply there in the interest of the pilot. "Initiate Primary Contact."

"Primary Contact initiated." Haruna reported, her fingers dancing over her console.

"Main power," Ritsuko continued.

"Main power is on. Voltage status is nominal," this time it was Shigeru Aoba who responded.

Misato nodded, satisfied. "And Asuka?"

"Synchro-graph is level. Life signs normal."

"Initialize Second Phase."

"Second Phase—err..." Haruna looked over her shoulder at Ritsuko and both women frowned in confusion.

"What?" Misato moved away from the window and behind Haruna, opposite Ritsuko. Leaning over she noticed that among the stream of information pouring into her computer screen, there was a little blank square near the top labeled, 'Second Child Activation.'

"Communications are down," Hyuoga confirmed. "I've lost all readings from inside the entry-plug."

Misato straightened and, knowing Asuka had an open channel, called, "Asuka, can you hear me? Asuka?"

"Doctor, linkage sequence has begun," somebody said.

"I gave no such order." Ritsuko leaned over Haruna's terminal until her face was barely a foot away from the screen, as if the close distance would add a measure of certainty. Misato glanced at the screen too. Indeed, the little rectangles that signified the links between Asuka and Unit-02 were fusing together and turning red.

Haruna shook her head. "60 of all nerve links connected."

Misato found herself frowning. Fortunately for her, Ritsuko didn't want to take any chances and so she was not surprised when she called the termination order. It was for the better, obviously even with a week of preparation they had missed something.

The sense of relief did not last.

"Ah ... Unit-02 still has power," Aoba said, sounding confused.

"That's not possible. I have a receipt for the termination signal—it wasn't rejected."

Again, Ritsuko followed procedure. "Eject the power plug."

"Ejected. One minute of—"

"All nerve links connected. No reading on synch or harmonics. I've got nothing."

Haruna's screen was now flashing an angry red. Ritsuko shook her head. "Override security protocols and re-transmit termination signal. And attach a diagnosis packet."

And the ground shook—more of an impact shock than an earthquake.

Alarms screamed to life, and, as if of one mind, every occupant in the room looked towards the window and the Evangelion in the space beyond. It was still there, strapped down by the locks, but it was no longer motionless. It was struggling. Misato ran towards the window, her heart hammering in her chest as she pressed her body against the glass. "Ritsuko, what's going on?"

Unit-02 pitched forward, and the locks wailed under the stress placed on them by its giant mass until it became too much and they snapped. And it roared, a deep grumble of some primordial hunger, cradling its armored head in its hands, arching its back and twisting in such a way that made Misato wonder if it could feel pain like herself, or its pilot.

"Ritsuko?" she called, not taking her sight from the agonizing Evangelion.

But Ritsuko was far too busy to indulge her. "Hyouga, run a waveform pattern analysis!"

"Ten seconds of battery!"

Misato didn't understand. They should be trying to figure out what was happening, and she knew that, even with all that was going, a waveform pattern was only good for determining one thing.

No.

"Five seconds!"

"I have lost instrumentation!" Hyouga called above the dim.

His call was soon echoed by every technician in the room. They turned to Ritsuko, hoping, praying for an answer from that polymath brain of hers—more than one of them having seen her perform similarly brilliant feats in tight spots before. But she seemed taken aback, muttering under her breath, "It doesn't want us to know. Unbelievable."

"Zero! Power is out. Unit-02 is not stopping."

As if a spell had been broken, Ritsuko shook her head. "Sever all logical links between Unit-02 and us. I want our communications scrambled, highest encryption possible. Flood the cage with bakelite. I want all personnel on max alert." She looked at Misato "Major Katsuragi?"

Misato didn't want to hear the words, but Ritsuko said them anyway, "Major Katsuragi, this is now designated a combat operation."

Besides her, Rei still had her hand on the glass.

* * *

In Asuka's mind, a haze hung over everything, casting shapes as if seen through a foggy lens. She stood among the moving crowd, stripped even of her neural connectors, her bare flesh in sharp contrast to the uniformed students walking to and from to their classrooms, chatting and laughing with friends, not a care in the world. She had been here many times in past, before their old school had been leveled by Rei Ayanami's detonation of Unit-00. None of the students seemed able to notice her, though they walked around her and looked right through her, and for this she was thankful.

Beyond the hubbub of the crowd, her attention became fixed on a familiar figure.

On the opposite end of the bustling hallway, a slender redhead had just opened her locker, and a cascade of envelopes came spilling out and pilled at her feet. She cringed in disgust and stomped angrily on the envelopes. Asuka remembered this: all through her first week of school she had received a deluge of love letters, some going into explicit detail about what the boys wanted to do with her. If she had known who was sending what she would have made sure they wouldn't be able to write anything for a month.

From behind her came a voice. "They do not see you. Not the real you. They see an object—a thing they would rather use than understand."

Asuka glanced over her shoulder and saw herself—a much younger version of herself—wearing the same black dress she had worn at her mother's funeral and holding onto the stuffed toy her stepmother had gifted her, pretending to purchase her affection, which she had long ago destroyed. A sudden shiver ran down her spice. The younger Asuka had no face, deep shadows falling where her features should have been and she had four glowing orbs instead of eyes, arrayed in the same configuration as Unit-02's.

"Human beings are strange creatures. Of all the animals in this world they are the only ones responsible for their own misery," her younger self said in a voice lacking of all emotion. "And of all the animals, the only ones with a pathological need for affection."

Asuka let her head drop, determined not to let her emotions spill out of her.

"These two things are constants of humanity. They are engineered into your brain to overcome the impulses of instinct so that you can claim to be above simpler creatures when you should envy them."

"What do you want?" Asuka asked.

Her younger self tilted her head slightly. "I want to do what nobody can. I want to understand you."

"What are you?"

"I am you and I am everyone else."

"I know who I am!" Asuka spat angrily, narrowing her eyes. It made her furious that this thing, this creature or whatever it was inside her head, would want to understand her as if it intended to help her somehow.

"Nobody knows you, least of all yourself. You used to think you were an Eva pilot—"

"I was—I am!"

"You used to think you were strong. You used to think you would never cry. You used to think—"

"Stop it!" Asuka was shaking, her brows drawn into a hard frown that hid just how much the words were cutting into her. They weren't spoken, rather they echoed inside her head, reaching into her like a knife to her soul and leaving gaping, bleeding wounds behind through which her strength and what little pride was left seeped out.

"You used to think you could be by yourself—"

"I said stop it!" Asuka brought her clenched fists up under her chin so that her arms were drawn over her chest protectively, a primal reaction to danger instead of a conscious effort to cover herself.

"Why? You are even weaker than Shinji. He can be honest with himself, but you, on the other hand, live a lie. You delude yourself into thinking he wants you, but he doesn't see the real you. He sees the hair, and the breasts, and the legs. He wants to use you like those other boys. He doesn't care to understand you. This is certain and true; beyond all falsehood."

An invisible vice closed around Asuka's heart and twisted. Agonizing tendrils of desperation coursed through her whole body. "Shinji is different than those boys—" she pointed a finger at the students walking unknowingly by them. "Shinji does care! He cares, I know he does!"

"Does he? Why doesn't he talk to you when you have something on your mind? Why doesn't he hold you when you are feeling lonely?"

"It's not his fault—he tries!"

"And it is not good enough, is it?"

Asuka could not bring herself to say it—it was simply too painful—but her answer was clearly drawn on her expression.

"Then why subject yourself to this thing you call love?"

"Because I love him!" Asuka wailed desperately, her voice trembling as much as her body, and completely unrecognizable.

"And you are miserable despite it. If you let me, I will take all this away from you, and you will never be alone again."

Asuka shook her head violently, sending a storm of red hair whipping around her.

"Human beings are so stubborn." Her younger self sighed. "I supposed it had to come to this from the start. You can't stop it, you know. Do yourself a favor and stop trying." She stepped up and took Asuka's wrists in her hand.

It was like being touched by a rotting corpse. There was no warmth in the touch, just a cold sense of inhumanity. She tried to pull her wrists away, but the fingers wrapped around it held fast and refused to set her free. Just as she was about to open her mouth and ask to be let go, the haze became so thick she could not see anything beyond a few feet. The students vanished, the walls and the floor fell away and she was left floating in dark nothingness. The darkness seemed to filter into the wounds her younger self had opened within her, tearing at her mind and her sanity from the inside.

* * *

Unit-02 was literally bouncing off the walls, twisting its body in agony as it smashed against the cage and roaring. The test cages were solidly built, but there was only so much punishment they could take. Already several of the metal plates that reinforced the walls had caved in where they'd been hit, crushing or exposing the concrete beneath. If Unit-02 wanted out, it was going to get out and there was nothing they could do about it. Misato could only hope Ritsuko was wrong. Whatever was happening, there was no doubt in her mind that Unit-02 was hurting. And if it was in pain, it meant Asuka...

She couldn't bear to look at it anymore. Rei, who despite the commotion was yet to move a muscle, kept her eyes on it as if expecting something to happen that she didn't want to miss.

"Misato!" Ritsuko called her, still standing behind Haruna's station. "We must activate Unit-01 and sortie."

"Do it."

The room shook violently and Misato, along with everyone who wasn't able to brace, hit the floor. She looked up, the wind out of her lungs, as a massive blur of gleaming red crashed into the window. The thick glass shattered with a loud crack, sending a storm of sharp fragments down on her. Instinctively she curled up and raised her arms to protect her head.

"Misato!"

There was broken glass everywhere. Bracing herself and struggling to her knees, she caught sight of Rei's body lying just a few feet away. Misato had been wearing her jacked, the heavy material prevented the glass daggers from doing her harm; Rei was not so lucky. She was on her side, gasping, a large cut across her arm from which a thin sliver of glass protruded. On her hands and knees, she crawled over the stricken First Child and took her in her arms. Rei winced, but didn't whimper as Misato placed her head gently on her lap, looking down at her face with a great deal of concern. "Rei, don't move."

Rei didn't and said quietly, "I am fine."

"Hyouga, Aoba--" with the help of a nearby desk, Ritsuko had pulled herself onto her feet "--get Unit-01 ready. Emergency activation procedure. Use the main control room. Haruna, stay here and monitor Unit-02. Do not attempt contact. Everyone else evacuate. Without instruments there's nothing you can do. We are proceeding under the assumption that this is a new Angel."

"Should we brief Shinji?" Asked Hyouga, halfway out the door.

"No," Misato said, her palms bleeding as she tried to remove the glass fragment from Rei's flesh. She was too preoccupied to notice there was no other blood on the scene. "I'll do it. I'll tell him. Patch him in when he's ready."

Unit-02 was still thrashing about. The room shook again--this time they were prepared and those who were already standing managed to hold their footing--though much less violently than before. Like an animal surrendering to exhaustion after its final death throes, Unit-02's agony subsided and its hands dropped to its side as it raised its head and looked from side to side, four eyes burning like suns on its face. It was slouched in a way Misato had never seen it before. Of all the pilots, Asuka had always been the skilled warrior, and the movements of her Eva became an extension of her own natural agility, but now Unit-02 was sluggish and clumsy, and somehow far less human.

Rei stirred in her arms and Misato forced her gaze away from the monster beyond the shattered window. "It'll be alright, Rei. I promise."

* * *

"Do you remember?"

In the darkness, Asuka's mind was unraveling. Images and words appeared before her, moments she wanted to forget; offering her body to Kaji the night before arriving in Japan; being left alone by Shinji when she all but invited him to tear down her walls; lying in that filthy bathtub after she had run away; standing in the hospital while the nurses talked about her behind her back; telling Shinji she hated him and him replying in kind.

"Do you remember when that Angel broke into your mind? Remember the feeling? It didn't hurt you, never even touched you, yet you broke under it like a porcelain doll. All the things you wanted to hide from others, and from yourself, came tumbling out. It was like loosing your mother again, wasn't it? It was, in short, the summary of your existence flashing before your eyes. That Angel only showed you what you are, nothing more. And you, as strong as you thought you were, curled into a ball and cried. And you wanted to die because you could not deal with pain so deep. The box around your heart finally burst open and the emotion that came out was like poison. You hated it. You still hate it. And that is why you can never love him the way you wish."

The voice faded for a moment, leaving Asuka to wallow in the emptiness that the truth behind the words brought to her.

"Do you remember the only time Stupid-Shinji went to visit you at the hospital? Your body may have been sedated but your mind knows of what I speak. He didn't come for you; he came because he wanted something from you. He touched you. He used you to satisfy his own desires. Oh, yes, don't you remember? You lay there only half alive and he ripped the sheets from you, left you naked before him, and, with no regard to your heart or your mind, violated you more selfishly than any Angel ever could. And it is because of that selfishness that he can never love the way you wish him to."

"So you see, this love of yours is just a farce, a human flaw. You must be free from it and only then can you be truly, utterly happy. And I will help you. By my hand you will achieve the glory of the whole world and cast away all shadows and blindness."

The next sight that emerged from the darkness sickened her. Asuka was standing at the edge of a spotlight that encircled a mound of dirt, and at the top of the mound a gravestone had been planted like a grotesque flower. Around the mound, painted in red through the dark, were lines which converged into points in six directions with a different word or name that she couldn't read at each point, joined by concentric circles widening the further out they were. Besides her, the thing with her younger body still had her wrist in a tight grip and was tugging her forward. She did not want to see what she knew was coming, but she had no longer the strength to resist and so allowed herself to be lead to the gravestone.

Kyoko Soryu Zeppelin.

Asuka sank to her knees as she read the name. The last time she had been here was her mother' funeral. She had never since been able to muster the courage to return like she should have. This was all that remained of the woman who had loved her unquestionably and she hadn't even come to visit her. She had tried to bury the past and in the process buried that which was dearest to her. "I'm sorry, Mama."

"She can't hear you anymore. You closed your heart to her—abandoned that which made you special. This thing is just a marker, a physical representation of a much deeper loss." Her tormentor let go of her wrist and stood directly between Asuka and the gravestone.

Asuka tried desperately to keep under control, but once the tears began to run down her cheeks she could not stop them. She had reached the breaking point; it was only a matter of driving the final stake into her shattering heart.

"Do you remember how it felt to loose her? You didn't cry back then. Why are you crying now?"

Asuka didn't reply.

"Haven't you learned? Whatever you think Stupid Shinji feels for you—whatever you think you feel for him—this is the only outcome. Death closes all. It doesn't matter what you do. You can love with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, and still you will loose him. Like you lost your mother. And then who will console you?"

A second gravestone appeared on the mound, this one bearing the name 'Shinji Ikari'.

In despair, Asuka shook her head and slumped forward so that she was on her hands and knees. Her tears splashed on the earth, creating little pools. "I … want you to stop," she managed in a strangled whimper, "please, stop ... please ... stop."

"The wounds of the heart are the easiest to reopen and the hardest to close. But, do you want me to stop because it hurts or because you know it's the truth, or a little of both?"

Seconds stretched into minutes; minutes stretched into a lifetime—a lifetime of lonely emptiness, her lifetime.

"Be-because it hurts..." Asuka finally whimpered, shutting her eyes tightly, causing the streams of tears flowing down the sides of her face to thicken and cascade off her chin and onto the dirt beneath her. "It hurts! I want it to stop!"

Her younger self patted her on the head. "I know it hurts. Pain defines your existence. Without pain there is no life. In a way, pain is all you are. That is why I was made. It is purpose that gives everything its value, and this is my purpose. Don't worry. It is almost over. I will guide you down then path of splendor and you will never again be hurt and my purpose will be fulfilled."

Asuka didn't understand what this meant and she didn't care. She too had once had purpose, to pilot Eva, to protect what heaven had abandoned by using her special gifts for the good of mankind. That had been taken from her. She wished this thing was right about never being hurt again. She had endured enough.

"And as all things have been created from one by the meditation of one, in nothingness, so all things must return to one, and to nothingness."

* * *

"NO!" Inside Unit-01, Shinji slammed his fist on his control console and glared at the floating image of Misato on his holographic HUD. "Are you crazy? I will not fight Asuka!"

"We've lost control of Unit-02, Ritsuko thinks—"

"You said everything would be fine!" Shinji barked, his temper rising almost as fast as the sense of dread that was already churning his guts like a blender and threatening to squash his heart. "You said ... you said—"

"I know I said that. But this is now. We've lost control of Unit-02. Ritsuko thinks it's an Angel."

It took all of Shinji's self-control to keep from retching. He was suddenly cold with fear; his chest felt empty. "And ... and Asuka?"

"We don't know." Misato swallowed visibly. "You have to—"

"WHAT ABOUT ASUKA?!"

"We don't know!" Misato repeated, her voice shaking with concern and exasperation. "Sorry, but we've been cut off. Please, Shinji I know it's hard and I know it feels like Toji and Kaoru again, and I'm sorry it always comes down to you, but you have to—"

"You don't get it, do you?" Shinji roared at her. "This is different! I love Asuka!"

He might have as well reached across space and matter and slapped her over the communication system. Her face fell through several levels of shock, and settled into open and unrestrained anguish. Shinji had never seen her dark eyes look so sad, and he knew that her reaction was genuine. "Are ... are you sure?"

"I'm sure! I won't fight her!" Shinji repeated, needing to hear himself say it. "I ... I will die, but I will not hurt Asuka. Do you understand that?"

Misato nodded grimly. "What if you fight to save her?"

"What?" Shinji frowned, a little window of hope opening in his desperation. "How?"

"Extract the entry-plug with your own hands."

"Is that safe—"

The containment wall opposite him bulged inwards, sending a shock through the entire cage. The steel tiles that reinforced it flew off, bent or sheared; chunks of concrete fell on the ground like giant slabs of ice from a glacier.

"Shinji," Misato got his attention once more, and she seemed even more distressed, "those are your choices. We can't do anything else on this end. I'm sorry. But whatever you choose to do, I want you to know I am proud of you, and as long as you choose with your heart, I will understand." She placed a kiss on her fingers, touched them to the screen, and signed off.

And Shinji realized she was saying goodbye.

He couldn't let it end like this. He had made a promise to Asuka that he wouldn't leave her—that included dying.

Nothing made by man could withstand the fury of an Evangelion for long. With a hellish thunder, the containment wall collapsed in a heap of concrete and twisted metal, raising a thick cloud of dust and sud that covered the cage. Shinji tightened his grip on the control sticks and pushed forward; Unit-01 responded accordingly leaning into a ready position. It was close quarters here; a battle would mean no room to maneuver and no chance to help Asuka if he made a mistake. Whatever he was going to do, he needed to do it right.

Unit-02 was crouching low. Four glowing eyes stared at him as the dust settled. The red armor had lost its glimmer and parts of it were dented, bashed out of shape by being rammed against the wall. It wasn't the first time he fought it; wasn't even the first time he fought it with someone he loved on the line. He thought of Kaoru and how that ended, and of Asuka—

And Unit-02 sprang towards him.

Shinji moved out of instinct and training. Just in time. Unit-02 smashed into the wall where he'd been a split second before. This was his chance. The momentum of Unit-01's movement made it hard to stop, but he managed regardless, shifting his weigh in the opposite direction and making a cut on his feet and almost loosing his balance. He braced against the ground and pushed himself forward—back the way he'd come, towards Unit-02, which was half encrusted on the wall.

The force of the impact almost knocked him off his seat, but it served to smash Unit-02 deeper into the wall. Shinji wrapped an arm under its torso as best he could and placed all his weight down on it, hoping to immobilize it. With his free hand he ripped off the armor protecting the entry-plug's jack and saw the oval end of the plug itself. He was so close.

Unit-02 twisted underneath him, as if in pain, throwing its head to the side, and its neck suddenly seemed impossibly long. And Shinji found himself into its eyes again.

He was too close.

It didn't hurt as Unit-02 clamped its teeth around Unit-01's throat—it was more like the pressure of fingers. But the result was the same: he couldn't breath.

Struggling for air, Shinji's strength failed and he could no longer hold down the monster that was now attempting to rip out his windpipe. As the force on it eased, Unit-02 turned and grasped him firmly. Desperately, he tried opening its jaws, he tried kicking it, he tried shoving it away. It was useless; he was caught. All Unit-02 had to do was twist its head and his neck would be broken, if it was too impatient to strangle him first, and Asuka would alone. To the last of his strength he fought with the monster, until he could not see from the tears gathering in his eyes.

As the darkness fell over him, there was only one thing in this mind. "I'm ... sorry ... Asuka ... "

* * *

"I'm ... sorry ... Asuka ... " The words cut through the darkness like a shard of glass and Asuka recognized the voice immediately.

Shinji was in trouble; Asuka didn't need to see or hear or feel this, she knew it. There had been a bond between them since the day they met on the Over the Rainbow, a bond that grew unbearable at times and eventually blossomed into love. It was to that love that she clung to now, willing her tattered mind to recall the kisses she had shared with Shinji; the first was a calculated prove, not a real outpour of emotion; the second was a result of desperation, an impulse born out of loneliness; but the third had been a thing of unrestrained beauty, a warm act of both physical and emotional closeness that had lifted her heart briefly above the soil of her own doubts and insecurities. It had been a perfect moment, and perhaps because it was the most recent and the most sincere, it was this last kiss that stood out in her mind.

And a little ember came to life inside of her.

"I won't let you take Shinji away from me!" she roared through bared teeth. Her fingers dug into the dirt like claws. "I will not let you hurt him!"

"Your pain is all I wish to take away."

Asuka remembered the caring look on Shinji's face when he came to her and told her he loved her, words she never thought she would hear. She remembered stepping so close to him that her feet were almost resting on top of his; so close that she could see her own reflection in his eyes and was surprised by how mature she seemed though she was a quivering knot on the inside. And she remembered the feeling as they leaned towards each other into a breathtaking kiss.

The ember became a fire.

"I will not let you hurt Shinji!" Forcing back her tears, Asuka lifted her head, her eyes wide and furious, and pinned the thing in her shape with an unyielding stare. "He belongs to me and I belong to him! He makes me happy, no matter what you say. You can never understand that!"

"You silly thing. Would you rather be miserable the rest of your life?"

"Shut up!" Asuka was shaking with fury. "I don't care if it hurts! If loving means always suffering pain then I will live in pain the rest of my life. I won't let myself cower from fear anymore! I won't let it define my existence! And if it can only end in death then I will love him as strongly and sincerely as I can until the day I die!"

Her younger self gestured towards the gravestone with Shinji's name. "This is the only logical outcome. You would put yourself through all that--"

Asuka's arms shot forwards, her hands closing around her younger self's neck.

She was surprised by the suddenness of this movement—the stuffed toy that her tormentor had been carrying all along hit the ground, and this was a sign to Asuka that it was surprised as well. Its little hands clawed uselessly at hers. She squeezed harder, digging into the soft flesh under her aching fingers. She was shaking so badly she thought her hands might slip and so gave all her remaining strength to keeping her grip.

The haze, which had been a constant throughout her ordeal, began to fade.

She squeezed harder, holding her younger self at arms length, forcing her squirming form onto the toes of her shoes. The darkness cracked, allowing for a beam of light to come through, falling onto the two of them with blinding intensity. Asuka did not waver. On the contrary, the beam of light added to her strength. Little by little the darkness dissolved into light so powerful she could no longer see what she was holding on to. As the light blotted out the world around her, the cold became warmth; helplessness turned to hope.

And the misery and despair that had almost drowned her started to evaporate under the warm radiance.

* * *

When the light finally subsided, the haze of her mind had been swept away completely, replaced by warm rays of golden sunshine falling on a ruined house like one of many left abandoned in the city. Broken down walls collapsed into piles of rubble and broken splinters over old wooden floors covered in scattered pieces of ornaments, torn-up carpet, and shattered wood. Most of the ceiling was missing so that only a few beams loomed overhead like ribs, accounting for the light and revealing a clear blue sky beyond stroked by lines of white clouds.

As she rose, Asuka noticed that she was longer naked, instead clad in a dark top and striped panties, and her neural connectors once again held her hair back. She looked up at the sky, lifting a hand to shield her eyes from the bright sun. She felt different, like something heavy had been taken from her. Her heart was full of the sun's tender embrace and she found herself smiling.

Then she heard the music.

Asuka turned and, tracing the notes to the far corner, where the sunlight was so bright it created a shimmering golden screen, and saw there was a polished black piano at which a figure was sitting, hands dancing over the keys, face hidden by the light. She moved closer, the dusty floorboards creaking under her bare feet with every step. The music was clear, enchanting and sweet, and she thought she'd heard it before but couldn't identify it.

She was barely a few paces away when the music stopped and the musician stood up. And a head of short golden-red hair emerged from the light. And Asuka stared into a face she had dreamed about countless times. A loving alabaster face giving her a smile that she'd thought had been lost to her forever.

"My darling Asuka."

Asuka did not need to reason what she was seeing. She knew, as surely as it is possible for a human being to know anything, who this was. The years of suffering that had turned her childhood into a prison for her heart vanished. The sense of loneliness, which had been her eternal companion, left her completely.

Her face lit up as bright as the sun shining above them as she threw her arms around her mother. "Mama! Mama, I missed you so much. I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, darling." Her mother wrapped her arms around Asuka, cradling her tightly in an adoring hug. "I was wrong, Asuka. You have to understand. Twice I left you without intending to. My work was to be my gift to you, but in the end, I wanted to return."

"You did return. I was there in the hospital when you … when you …"

"That was not me—I was lost before that, and became one with my work." Her mother grasped her shoulders and pushed her back a little to gaze into her eyes, caressing Asuka's cheek with a loving hand that ignited a fire of innocent pleasure and set her heart fluttering like a butterfly. "But you proved me wrong. I am sorry I have caused you so much grief. Your heart was so heavy that I surrendered to despair, and I couldn't protect you from it."

"Please don't say that. I forgive you. I love you." Once again, Asuka pressed herself against her mother, squeezing her eyes shut and tightening her embrace. "I have never stopped loving you. Even when I wanted to die, I wanted to be with you and love you."

Her mother stroked her hair consolingly. "I love you too, my darling. Always remember that. But I am your past. You must move forward. You must go back to Shinji."

"But I want to be with you!"

"As long as you carry me in your heart, as long as you remember, I will be with you. Life is not just about the physical act of being—your soul is boundless and it can both stay with me and be happy with Shinji if you wish it to be so. Nobody but yourself can make the decision to be happy; you have to want it, too. You deserve it, I know, so promise me that you will try."

Asuka did, and that was a promise she intended to keep. Though not unlike the love she had for her mother, loving Shinji was different in that he was the part of her that she could not accept in herself, completing what was otherwise simply half a heart, which meant he had as much right to it as she did. She fell silent, glad to just be held by her mother in this sun-bathed reality where neither haze nor darkness could intrude. Here and now was the happiest she had ever been. And, aware that such a thing could not last, she was determined to enjoy every second of it to the fullest.

* * *

Her eyes opened with a jolt and she was immediately assaulted by white fluorescent light. She was comfortably warm and lying on something soft and springy. It took a few seconds for her to realize she was tucked in bed, in NERV's hospital ward. She blinked and the light began to give way so that could now make out the details of the ceiling. Had it all be in her mind? She searched deep inside of herself and found an odd answer: logic said yes, the glow in her heart said no. More than that, every cell in her being told her that what she had just experienced had been as real as real could get.

"What … what happened?" As her vision slowly returned, she sat up, groaning from the effort, and rubbed the side of her aching head. She winced as further movement brought a sharp pain from her wrist, where an I.V. line had been injected into her. When the bed next to hers came into focus, a knot formed in her throat.

Shinji was lying there under the sheets, a breathing mask looped over his mouth and nose. For a moment, Asuka felt herself slipping away, loosing the euphoria of having been so emotionally reunited with her mother in the face of such a haunting reality.

And then Shinji's eyes fluttered open and immediately became fixed on her.

Concern was sketched on his features and she shared a smile with him, just enough to let him know she was unhurt. And she too knew that he was all right, and that he was still hers, and that as long as they stayed together she could overcome anything. Suddenly, her mind soared, filled with the brilliant delight that this knowledge brought. Asuka sighed contently and lay back on the bed, leaning on her side so she wouldn't have to look away from Shinji.

Within minutes, and without even wanting to, she had fallen into a deep and peaceful sleep.

* * *

"Well, we sure know how to make a mess, don't we?" Hyuoga kicked a the pile of concrete on which he stood to make his point, sending little gray pebbles rolling down hill. "At least nobody got hurt ... badly," he was prompted to add by Misato's look. "We should be thankful for that at least."

Misato sighed. Hyouga was right, even a professional demolition team would have had trouble doing so extensive a job as Unit-02 and Unit-01 had managed. The two weathered Evangelions were being locked down as they spoke. The test cages themselves were all but demolished. In fact, the two steel laminated boxes had effectively become one by the huge hole Unit-02 had punched through the containment wall between them, leaving mountain size chunks of concrete and bakelite, bent steel plates, and sheared support beams scattered through the large space. The only thing more astonishing than the level of destruction was the sudden way in which it had all stopped.

They had been finished; once Shinji had been caught in Unit-02's jaws it was over. Then, without reason or cause, Unit-02 just came to a halt, sparing Shinji's life, as well as theirs and probably the whole world. "Small miracles," she said sardonically, rubbing her bandaged hands together. "Not that I think God gives a damn."

"Someone must be looking after us. We were toast." Hyouga climbed down from his perch and came to sit besides Misato on the steel beam she had been using to give her weary frame a rest. "Without instruments we might never know for sure what happened."

Misato looked across the cage were Ritsuko and another group of technicians were tending to Unit-02, and from the looks of it, giving Commander Ikari, Sub-Commander Fuyutzuki and Rei, whose arm was bandaged up and placed in a sling, the tour. "Ritsuko knows."

Hyouga's brows came up. "You think?"

"I'm sure. She knows."

"You mean that it wasn't the information coming in that prompted her classifying Unit-02 as an Angel, but something else?" Hyouga said speculatively. "She can't possibly have known without analyzing the data stream unless she was already suspicions, somehow, that this could happen. And we've spent the last week going over every little thing so the possibility of that is—Major?"

Misato saw Ritsuko break off from the group of technicians crowded around Unit-02 and head for the exit. She got to her feet and, with a gesture for Hyouga to stay put, followed her. A jumble of emotions tugged at her, but she was clear on what she was about to do—it wasn't about duty anymore; she wanted answers, and the part of her that felt guilt at what she had wanted Shinji to do became impossible to ignore. She caught up to Ritsuko in one of the locker rooms as she was changing her filthy lab coat for a clean one. A flash of recognition crossed Ritsuko's gaze.

It was confirmed seconds later when Misato asked the obvious question, "What happened today, Ritsuko?"

"I am not sure I know what you mean." Recognition turned to that annoyed look Ritsuko gave people she didn't feel like explaining anything. Unfortunately for her, Misato was not in the mood to be brushed off so lightly.

"No more lies. What happened?" Misato made her words into a stern demand, not a question.

"You were there the same as I—"

Before she had a chance to finish, Misato had reached into her jacked and pulled out her gun, raising the black 9mm. directly at Ritsuko, who had turned to face her, and frowned. Their gazes locked, neither blinking nor flinching, and Misato hoped that Ritsuko would understand how serious she was and how far she was willing to go.

Ritsuko stood her ground, bringing up her nose so that she appeared to be looking down at the threat of Misato's gun. "After you hear whatever explanation I can give, you are far more likely to shoot me."

"I am very likely to shoot you now."

"You are not a murderer."

Misato smiled, a mirthless, sardonic sort of smile. "Murder involves an innocent. You are not innocent," she said. "But you wouldn't know anything about morals, would you? Just answer my question."

For a second Ritsuko said nothing, then sighed and nodded. "I guess you are determined to do this. Do you at least care to be more specific with the question?"

Misato thought about that for less than a heartbeat. "You said 'it' didn't want to us to know, what the hell didn't want us to know?"

"Very well." Ritsuko stuck her hands into her coat pockets without bothering to roll up the sleeves like she usually did. "Unit-02 didn't want us to know. More precisely, Unit-02's operating system."

"The Emerald Tablet, I know."

If Ritsuko was surprised, she disguised it well. "So you know what it's called, but do you know what it is?"

"A computer program."

"Only in the same general sense that a human brain can be called a computer a program," Ritsuko explained. "The Emerald Tablet was built as a complex evolutionary computation algorithm some time after Second Impact by a UN initiative looking into self-learning systems. As time evolved it occurred to the old GEHIRN staff that it might serve as a substitute for a human pilot inside Eva, a precursor of the Dummy System. It failed because an A-10 connection could never be established. But science has a weird way to haunt us—of reminding us of what we are, for better and for worse."

She paused, seeming to need a moment to gather her thoughts. "You see, the original problem that the Emerald Tablet was created to solve was the human problem—as clichéd as that sounds. The same theoretical problem as the Instrumentality Project and it reached the same conclusion."

Misato felt her empty stomach suddenly jolt. Involuntarily, her grip on the gun tightened.

"When the program was created, nobody knew what would come off it. It was meant to analyze the human condition—to understand what makes us tick. By itself that is groundbreaking work, and paired with the budding technology for Eva ... Anyway, the result of what computations it made was always the same. Nobody knows how the Emerald Tablet became aware of the Evangelion's true potential—the Eva's genetic memory, more than likely—but it was smart enough to put two and two together."

Misato frowned; she didn't like the immediate conclusion. "So this thing thinks, and it thinks of nothing but how to wipe us out?" she said slowly, making sure to draw attention to every single word as she said it. "And you put this inside Unit-02, with Asuka?"

Ritsuko didn't look sorry, and this added to Misato's anger. "Getting Unit-02 running was the priority. The standard software interface was not robust enough to synch Asuka's failing psyche with Unit-02 so we needed an alternative," she said calmly. "I synthesized the program to act as a bridge between Asuka and Unit-02, filling up the gaps in her neural patterns like a digital symbiont—creating a form of entanglement that would benefit her. Without it she wouldn't have been able to pilot—probably never."

"You put this thing in there WITH ASUKA!" Misato screamed, all pretense of self-control lost, her gun shaking in an echo of her fury. "You knew it was dangerous and you still—"

"And you don't think I've lost sleep about that!" Ritsuko cut her off, her composure breaking apart beneath the weight of Misato's accusation. "We took precautions! I tried harnessing it by recursion through MAGI. I built a firewall around it. And there is the pilot's ego barrier. I told you, didn't I? The Emerald Tablet can't create an A-10 connection to the Eva. It needs the pilot. It needs to—but Asuka is stronger than most girls her age. As long as she could hold out there was no danger!"

"And then what happens?" Misato pounced forward, taking Ritsuko by the arm and shoving her up against one of the lockers, sticking the gun to her chest. "Tell me! What happens to Asuka when she can't take it anymore? What? My God, Ritsuko, she's a young girl and you used her like a lab rat!"

To her credit, Ritsuko was not intimidated. She could be mad at Misato, could refuse to say anything else and have her thrown in the brig, but her gaze was full of an empty regret that Misato hadn't noticed there seconds before. "We needed to able to defend ourselves! After the Chinese had activated Unit-A there was no going back."

"Unit-A was never supposed to work, was it? I know the Chinese government didn't order its activation. It was Commander Ikari!"

"All the more reason for us to rearm by any means necessary. But it doesn't matter now; Unit-02's drives have been forcibly degaussed," Ritsuko said. "Somehow, Unit-02's original programming overwrote the Emerald Tablet's interphase shell, probably due to a dramatic spike in Asuka's synch-ratio. Unit-02 stopped its attack because Asuka made it stop. I don't know how, or even if, such a thing is possible, but that's what happened. It's over—in more way than you can imagine."

"What do you--"

"Dr. Akagi, we're—" Maya stopped on her tracks as she entered the locker room and was confronted by the spectacle of her boss being held at gunpoint by her other boss. She blinked repeatedly in disbelief, clutching her clipboard to her chest like a shield as they both turned their head towards her in near-perfect unison. "Ah, am … am I interrupting?" she asked meekly.

Misato would have found it funny under different circumstances. "Maya, you didn't see anything."

"But…"

"Maya," Ritsuko said, "you didn't see anything. Go back."

But Maya didn't move. And suddenly, unexpectedly, Misato saw she was trembling.

And she started to cry.

"Maya?"

"Sorry," Maya sniffed, rubbing away at her cheeks with a uniformed sleeve. "I'm sorry, I ... I can't do this anymore."

Stunned by the sudden outburst, Misato did not resist as Ritsuko pushed her off of her, brushing her gun aside without any fear at what she might do and walked over to Maya. When Ritsuko put an arm around the younger girl and drew her into an embrace of consolation, Misato could feel her anger slowly dissipating. She had known Ritsuko for almost a decade—knew she was as cold and uncaring as a person could get—but seeing her actually holding Maya sparked a weariness in her she thought she had forgotten. She let her gun fall to her side, a thumb absently locking the safety.

Misato opened her mouth to ask what this was about but suddenly the answer didn't matter as much as the gesture and said nothing. Her whole body seemed to sag, and she slumped on the bench that ran across the middle of the room, and stared at the floor, feeling old and exhausted beyond her age.

"If you want anything else, you know where my office is," Ritsuko told her, though her attention was still on Maya, who was talking softly in starts and stops between whimpers.

Misato nodded, not really listening. It was at that moment that she made a decision. She had renounced her humanity for the sake of anger, repeating the vicious cycle that kept her bound to NERV, and its hideous man-made monster, and its shroud of misery that corrupted everything she loved; the cycle that had taken Kaji from her and destroyed whatever happiness may have been. No more. The cycle would end here—in this place, at this very moment—like it should have ended when Kaji had told her to seek the truth and to move forward.

She needed a way out.

She needed a way out for Shinji and Asuka and, if there was time, herself.

* * *

It was nearly midnight by the time Ritsuko had found a chance to head to the surface near the shore of the Third Ashino Lake through one of the service elevators. The cicadas were chirping their song in the distance and she was annoyed at the monotonous stupidity of it. They should have gone extinct—nothing endured save for the damned bugs.

She looked at the memory module Maya had given her as she dialed on her cell phone. Maya had tried to explain but, fortunately, most of what she'd said made no sense so she hoped Misato wouldn't care; she'd seemed willing enough to let it slide. And if she should ask, Ritsuko could always make something up. Letting her know about the Emerald Tablet had merely been a favor to an old friend, and a warning—Misato was smart, she'd figure it out.

Ritsuko hoped very much she did.

The phone rang once and was answered. "You aren't supposed to call this number."

"Why did you use Maya?" Ritsuko asked; there was no need for greetings or introductions.

"We needed tangible information," the man on the other side of the line did not hesitate. "We couldn't afford to place you in such a compromising position."

Ritsuko looked out at the lake. There were no clouds so the reflection of the full moon gleamed on the surface like a silver orb, distorted by gentle swells as the wind blew on the water. "We had a deal. Don't do something like this again. The only way to get what you want is to come to me."

"Understood. But we really do need what we sent the girl to get."

"You'll have it."

She could picture the man on the other side grinning. "How nice of you." He paused. "I'm still curious, my good doctor, as to what you are hoping to get out of this."

"Exactly what you need this data to do."

"He must have cut you deeply."

Ritsuko ground her teeth. "He's a swine, like you."

"Ah, hell hath no fury—"

The phone had been tossed into the lake before that sentence was finished, sending ripples across the calm, dark water. With a final breath of fresh air filling her lungs, Ritsuko walked back into Central Dogma—back to Gendo Ikari. Soon enough she would make him pay for using her, and for ignoring her.

And for not loving her.

* * *

To be continued... 


	14. Onus

Well, somehow I made my self-imposed deadline of a summer chapter. This is a beta because Alni is still looking at it and hopefully will have a fully proof-read version soon (Oh, no pressure at all). Thanks go to Arkiel and Big D. for the pre-reading. Standard disclaimer applies and blah, blah, blah. Like the previous chapter, there are several themes and symbols here, but other than saying the main themes are growing up and responsibility I don't want to elaborate. The reader should draw his/her own conclusions. And if you still want to know, you can email me or something. 

//////////////////////////BETA///////////////////////////////////////

* * *

"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future." -George Bernard Shaw.

NGE: Genocide

Chapter 13: Onus.

* * *

Shinji had just gotten up to get a drink of water when Misato stepped through the door. It was very late but her schedule had never been regular enough for him to be surprised by her late arrivals; some nights she was lucky if she could make it home at all. He opened the faucet to pour himself a glass as Misato removed her shoes and draped her red jacked across the back of the nearest chair.

"How come you are up so late?" Misato asked, digging through the fridge for leftovers. She pulled a pot covered with a plate, took a peek inside the pot to determine the contents, then placed the whole thing in the microwave.

Shinji shrugged. "I wanted some water."

"Well I'm glad I caught you. I haven't seen you since you left the hospital." She leaned against the counter next to him. "I thought maybe we could get a chance to talk."

"About what?" Shinji lifted the glass to his lips.

"About you," Misato said, "and Asuka."

Shinji had had a feeling this was coming ever since admitting his feelings for Asuka to Misato. She meant well, he didn't doubt that, but it wasn't something he was very keen on discussing. What he felt for Asuka was not easy to describe—he'd already tried once to Rei Ayanami—it felt awkward to even think about bringing it up in such a casual way. "Do we have to?"

Misato was adamant. "Yes. Because there are some things you have to know."

"Love isn't what you think it is," she continued, ignoring his discomfort. "It's not all about running around giggling and making dirty jokes to each other; it's not about holding hands; it's not about kissing or making out. You can't just say you are in love. Sometimes what you think love feels like isn't really love at all."

Shinji was sure that halfway through Misato's speech his face had started to turn red from embarrassment. "Misato, I really don't want to—"

"Too bad." She took a deep, steadying breath and carried on. "Shinji, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we fall in love for the wrong reasons. We think we want to, that we can find happiness in someone else's arms, but what we are really after is not love. Sometimes all we want to fill in a void. And we use other people to do that. We cling to them because they remind us of things we lost—of people we lost or feelings we used to have but have forgotten. Everyone does it, whether they know it or not. It's hard for grown-ups to figure out, but for someone your age it's not the figuring out part that's the hardest, it's the accepting it part."

"That's not how I feel about Asuka." Shinji shook his head solemnly. "I used to at first, when I didn't know what I was feeling, but not anymore."

"Shinji." Gently, Misato reached out to place her hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean you. I meant Asuka."

Shinji blinked his surprise. "Oh?"

"Asuka is a very complicated girl, and love is a very complicated thing. Put them together and you get an extremely complicated relationship. You are probably very clear on what you want from that relationship, but you can never know for sure what she wants. Even if she told you, you would never know if it was the truth. You'll do anything to give her what you think she wants: your heart, your mind, your body—" she gave him a dirty look "—your very being in any conceivable way. But you can never know if that is what she wants. What she really wants. And that leads to doubt and separation."

Shinji dropped his head, partly because of embarrassment and partly because Misato was hitting too close to home. He didn't want to see the sincerity in her eyes that would mean she was talking about the inevitable. "Why are you telling me this? Don't you want me to be happy?"

Misato pushed herself away from the counter. She stepped directly front of him, bending over slightly so that her face was level with his and grasped his head softly in her hands.

"I want you so much to be happy. I'm telling you because I don't want you to be disappointed," she said, her eyes peering directly into his. "Because I don't want you to wake up one day with Asuka by your side and realize that what you thought was happiness is something else, something sadder. I don't want you to realize that your heart is empty, you just didn't know it. I don't want you to regret it."

"Misato …"

The soft padding of feet prevented him going any further, and he turned his head as Asuka wandered sleepily into the kitchen. For a second he thought she'd get the wrong idea, seeing Misato holding him like she was, but her expression remained relaxed. Her eyes fuzzily peered at him from behind tousled locks of hair, then at Misato, then back at him.

Misato let him go and straightened up. "Hey, Asuka," she said, a little too lightheartedly. "How are you feeling?"

Unlike Shinji, whose neck and shoulders were still sore, Asuka had gotten through the fight between Unit-02 and Unit-01 unscathed, though she had stayed in the hospital with him so they could be released together. "Sleepy." As if to make her point Asuka yawned loudly. "You coming back to bed or what, Third Child?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there. Just getting some water," Shinji replied and chugged his glass of water.

Asuka seemed appeased and returned through the darkened apartment to his bedroom. Shinji set the empty glass on the table and followed her. He was almost out of the kitchen when called Misato out to him.

"I didn't tell you any of this to upset you, Shinji," she said. "In fact, that is the last thing I want. I know young people are not usually inclined to listen to advice, but everything I've told you I've learned from experienced and I hope you listen because … because if you know all this and you still love her, and you know that you love her, then despite whatever doubts you have, whatever fears, whatever insecurities, you should hold on to her with all the strength to have. Hold on to her because if you let go you will regret it all your life. I promise that you will. And those are the kind of mistakes that there might not be enough time to correct."

And then he got it. She was talking about Asuka, but she was also talking about Kaji. He understood now; if brining up his feelings like this was hard on him, it was ever harder on her. "There is no doubt, Misato," he said firmly, recognizing that she cared so much for him she was willing to tear open an old wound for his sake. "Good night."

"Good night, Shinji. Sleep tight."

As he turned to leave, Misato popped open the microwave, which had been finished for a while now, and sniffed the food. "Yeah, nothing says 'you are home' like a steaming pot of whatever this is."

It didn't strike Shinji until he was laying in bed, under the covers, with Asuka's slender arms wrapped around him, that there really was no doubt whatsoever about the way he felt for her. She might feel differently, but if she did he would figure it out and he would understand, and he would not let go.

* * *

"Why do you not go inside?"

At the sound the soft voice, Junichi Nakayima, who had been sitting on the floor outside Keiko Nagara's hospital room for most of the last hour, looked up. Two shimmering rubies stared back, set on a delicate face. He had never met her, but he certainly knew her name. "Uh?"

"If you wish to go inside, why do wait out here?" Rei said.

He shrugged off the question. "Why do you care?"

"Because you look sad."

That surprised him. He looked at her more carefully. Her pleasant features seemed completely unemotional; her body language was relaxed. She wasn't trying to intrude, that much was apparent. Confronted by his gaze, she blinked in seeming curiosity. "Well, I'm not," he said. "I'm trying to make a decision. Grown up stuff. You wouldn't understand."

"Understanding is not depended on age, is it? A child does not have to understand to love the parents."

Nakayima snickered. What did this girl knew? She was just a teenager, Commander Ikari's favorite at that. Age did make a difference when it came to your understanding that the cruel world always worked against you.

"And understanding can some times make an easy decision into a hard one," Rei said. "Because choosing with your heart is easy and natural. All that is required is to be willing to listen."

He furrowed his brow, suddenly thrown off-balance by the depth of her words.

Then, the door opened revealing Miko Mineguno. Nakayima pulled himself to his feet, but the blonde kept her attention on Rei. "You here to see Keiko again, Rei?" she asked the albino.

"Yes."

Miko stepped aside to her Rei pass. She did without another word to either of them, and they exchanged a look.

"She's a good girl," Miko said, flashing a small smile. "She's been coming in to see Keiko just about every day. I didn't think Keiko had made any close friends like that. It's comforting, to be honest. I don't know what it is, but there's something about Rei … it's heavenly."

She looked at the closed door for a moment. Then turned to Nakayima. "So, what's up?"

"I need to tell you something," he said, remembering what Rei Ayanami had told just him about making decisions. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

* * *

Keiko laughed for the first time in ages. It didn't hurt anymore. "I can't believe you asked him that," she told the albino girl sitting on the chair next to her bed. "I can picture the look on his face." 

Rei didn't understand. "Should I not have?"

"Well, you shouldn't have expected a serious answer."

"Why not?"

"Because Shinji is a boy, and boys can't answer questions like that. Love is way, WAY more screwy than that. I mean, I've never … I mean some boys are cute but love is something … it's supposed to do weird things to you," Keiko explained, watching carefully Rei's expression to see if she was making any sense.

"Weird?"

Keiko nodded. She knew she shouldn't move her head too much because of the injuries to her back, but somehow when she was with Rei Ayanami she healthier than she ever had before. Miko was good company, and she appreciated the constant care and attention, but talking to Rei was like talking to someone who really understood, who would never judge her. "Miko says it makes the world smell differently. I've never—well, I've never been in love so I wouldn't know."

"You are still young," Rei said. She placed her hand on top of Keiko's, gently running her thumb along the over girl's knuckles.

Keiko felt a warm smile spreading across her face. "I know. I know," she said remembering something that had come up on one of Rei's previous visits. "I've decided. Thanks to you."

"That is good."

"You know, Rei, I've been meaning to ask you. Why did you help me?"

Rei did not answer immediately. Rather, she seemed to consider that question thoughtfully. Keiko had been amazed at her perceptiveness, and at her uncanny ability to always say something meaningful even when she was asking questions. Then, after a moment of silence, Rei stood up, still holding Keiko's hand, and kissed her forehead.

"Because the end of one innocent life is as terrible as the end of the entire world," Rei whispered. "And because I love you all."

Somehow being kissed by another girl didn't feel quite as embarrassing as Keiko thought it ought to. It was more like the kiss of a sister than a lover; more like someone whose love didn't depend on the mundane inequalities of romance or sexual attraction and was entirely unconditional. Like the love of a mother.

* * *

"Well, she looks happy," Hyouga said, taking his eyes away from the screen that showed Asuka's video feed from inside the test plug. The young girl was relaxed, her eyes closed, and a slight smile on her lips.

"Doesn't she?" Misato agreed. "If you'd told me last week I'd be seeing her smile I would have sent you in for a medical check-up. What's her synch ratio?"

Hyouga looked at another screen. "94.2. Give or take five-tenths for error correction. Harmonics, and vitals are stables. No sign of contamination or the anomaly. Surprisingly considering we haven't reloaded Unit-02's operating system. Um, EEG shows stimuli to her limbic system."

"She's enjoying herself," Misato concluded. "Let me talk to her."

Hyouga pressed a button in his console and signaled for Misato to speak.

"Asuka," she said, "we are done here. You ready to go?"

On the screen, Asuka's eyes opened. "Owww, do I have to?"

"Yes." Misato looked curiously at Hyouga. There had been something in Asuka's genuinely disappointed tone that had prompted a smile on their faces too. Obviously, given the dark mood that had enveloped them all lately, Asuka's cheerfulness was contagious. "There's a line in your contract that says you can only have so much fun," Misato added. "I'd say you crossed that line maybe, oh, ten minutes ago."

"Spoilsport."

With that the shutdown sequence was begun. Misato hovered around the terminals, checking screens to ensure no alarms were raised, and to keep an eye on Asuka's data. Everything had been going great, but she wasn't ready to let down her guard just yet.

Once the shutdown was complete, the Eva had been locked down, and test plug had been opened, Misato checked her watch. "I'll leave this to you," she told Hyouga. "Where's Nakayima?"

Suddenly, Hyouga seemed annoyed. "Ask Section 2. But that guy does whatever he wants. It's not like we have to keep taps on him."

"I'll just call his cell phone." Misato decided not to acknowledge his outburst. She knew from the way Hyouga acted around her some times that he wanted there to be more between them than just a working relationship, and she wished she could return his feelings. He was a nice guy who was always looking to help, but he wasn't Misato's type. Nakayima wasn't her type either. Maybe she should have taken the time to explain that to Hyouga.

She patted the operator on the shoulder, hoping to ease his mind, then stepped out onto the hallway, reaching for her phone as she walked.

* * *

Nakayima was waiting for her outside. Misato wasn't entirely sure what she would say considering the way their last meeting had gone. She had so thoroughly shot down his offer that she would not be surprised if he didn't feel like listening to anything she had to say. If he was the sort to hold a grudge she wasn't going to be getting much done.

"Major Katsuragi," Nakayima said, pleasantly. "What can I do for you?"

Misato tried not to let the fact that she was sorry about how she had treated him show on her voice. "I think I made a mistake," she started. "I think I should have at least listened to you."

"No. I had no right to ask. You don't owe me anything. It was just … that's all I know. Asking favors of people for my own ends."

Misato could relate to that. The only way she knew of getting answers out of people was to point a gun at them. "So this deal you talked about, you got any details?"

"Really?" Nakayima said eagerly, his narrow eyes widening.

"I think you have the right idea," Misato said. "I just wasn't ready to listen but after last week—did you hear?"

"The whole place was shaking."

There hadn't been much information released after the incident. Ritsuko and the technicians had been unable to retrieve any useful information out of Unit-02, but Misato wasn't really interested on that. All she needed to know was that once again she'd found herself on the wrong side of the road, following blindly because it was easier rather than raise uncomfortable questions. Ritsuko had made it all too clear when she had explained about the Emerald Tablet and what it did. Misato still could not believe the she had been capable of putting Asuka through that, causing her so much suffering in the process that Misato could hardly believe it.

The good thing was that the horrifying truth made her decision easier.

"I owe these children a future," Misato said after a moment. "I'm not proud of a lot of things, and if I could go back and change what I've done I would. But I can't. It shouldn't have come to this. I shouldn't have let it. I should have protected them. All they have suffered I could have prevented. I can't think of anything else now—just to come to you."

"I don't know how much I can help." Nakayima's eagerness disappeared. He was, Misato knew, feeling very much the way she did, even if he couldn't bring himself to share it. Men were like that; they never said what they felt, obvious as it might be. "The deal was Miko and Keiko for you."

"Call your people. I want to talk to them. You said you wanted to take the girls with you, to resign and go away. I want the same. I want to take the children to a place where they can just be children and be happy. I owe them that. It's my onus."

She didn't look at him at him as she said this, focusing instead on the huge pyramid in the distance. She had been amazed the first time she'd seen Central Dogma. The pyramid of concrete and steel had stood steadfastly as hell came down around it, becoming the final barrier before the end of the world. Now it seemed like such a meaningless thing, a tomb like its Egyptian counterparts, dead and empty. The way she felt inside.

"But what about piloting Eva? What about the Angels?"

"It was all lies. Something happened when the Chinese activated Unit-A that artificially created the following Angels. The Emerald Tablet—remember that?—was part of it. Some sort of weaponized interface program for the Eva. When Unit-A became active using the program it went berserk, I assume corrupted by the program. We were never able to fully identify any of the Angels after that. The waveform patterns never matched."

Nakayima's tone changed immediately. "Are you saying NERV created these Angels?" she said angrily. "Half-a-million people died in Beijing!"

If he wanted to blame her he could go right ahead, but Misato was through taking responsibility for other people's atrocities. She would point the finger right where it belonged. "Gendo Ikari did."

"Can you prove any of this?"

"I'm sure I can find a way. Even if I can't, you have my word. In certain circles that should be enough."

"Major, with this kind of information you can make any deal you want, with anybody, but it would be the end of NERV," Nakayima said. "The end of everything you've worked for."

"NERV is finished as it is—Ritsuko said so. I have given too much to this organization. Frankly, I feel it's time I take something back."

"What about the children? Have you told them?"

Misato shook her head. "No."

"Major when I brought this up you asked me if I'd told Miko, and if I'd considered Keiko, and when I say no you called me selfish." He stepped in front of her, cutting off her view of Central Dogma. His face was set but not angry. "Are you really thinking of the children or are you doing this because, as you said, you want payback?"

Misato sighed. "Every time I see Shinji's face it's like something twists inside of me. Like a ball of guilt and pain and sadness just rolling around in my stomach. And he's in love. Despite everything he has been through, all the horrible things he's been forced to do, he's fallen in love. He deserves a chance. I can give him that. I have to give him that. Even if I have to sell my soul I will give him that. What more can I do? I can't just let things continue the way they are."

She knew from the look of sympathy on his face that she didn't need to say or explain anything else. He had the same reasons.

"I'll make the call right away," Nakayima said. "Should hear back within a couple of hours."

"Thank you. Not that it will make me change my mind, but who exactly are your people anyway?"

"His name is Hidetoshi Sato. He is Echelon's man in Kyoto."

Misato furrowed her brow. "American? British? Canadian?"

"American." Nakayima confirmed and seemed shocked at the sardonic grin that spread across her face.

Something had clicked in Misato's head—something she'd read on a personal dossier a long time ago that just maybe could give some added leverage. America had changed a lot since Second Impact in order to survive, like all fallen empires before her, but one thing remained the same: America took care of whom she considered her own. She could definitely use that in her favor.

"I need to look for something," she told Nakayima. "Please let me know as soon as you hear from this Sato guy. The longer we dally on this the higher the chance of being exposed and ending up dead." She paused, knowing this was a compromise she could not back out of. But her mind was made up. "We work for each other now."

* * *

"Hey, Third Child, pay attention!" 

"I'm paying attention!" Shinji's eyes snapped open and he sat a little straighter on the tiny wooden bench as Asuka came back into the changing room holding a two piece red swimsuit. Strangely, he did not remember dozing off. What he did remember was agreeing to go shopping with her after school and thinking it would be a good idea. He'd considered that it wouldn't take very long as there weren't many shops left in the city, but the sheer amount of time it took for Asuka to pick something, ask his opinion, change in and out of it, and pick something else had convinced him he'd made a huge mistake.

He had also miscalculated the fact that her NERV ID gave her unlimited access to the mass transit system and so the shopping wasn't limited by something as trivial as geography.

"Well, what about this one?" Asuka held the out the swimsuit for him to look at—it was little more than several triangular patches of strategically placed material, held together by some string.

Though there probably was a law somewhere forbidding girls of Asuka's age to wear something so revealing, Shinji was smart enough to know what the answer was. "Uh, it looks good."

"That's what you said last time!" She fixed him with a huffy frown. "Come on, what's the use in having a man around if he never has an opinion?"

"It did look good! Besides, don't you think it's a little..." he trailed off, not wanting to offend her sensibilities about clothing. Hoping she would get the idea, he held his thumb and index finger up, about an inch from each other.

"It is kinda small, isn't it? But, you know, it's really fashionable."

"And besides you already have a bikini," Shinji added.

"I look like a little girl wearing that thing. This one is for women. And it doesn't have that damn zipper on the top."

Actually, Shinji had always thought the aforementioned zipper was probably meant as a convenient 'easy access' feature. His mind quickly provided him a reference picture of her posing in her candy-striped two-piece bikini, and totally disagreed about the looking like a little girl part. "But you look really good in your old one. And the colors, eh, kinda suit you, too. I may not know anything about fashion, but I know what I like. And if it still fits you I don't see why you should go change it. That's my opinion."

Asuka pressed her lips thoughtfully. "Um ... I guess it did make an impression if you can remember it. And I only wore it once. Alright!" Finally, she tossed the swimsuit aside, and picked up several of the outfits she'd tried on and liked. "I'll go pay for these. Tidy up, will you? This place is a mess."

With that she headed out the changing room. Shinji rose his feet and watched her go, her golden-red hair standing out among the racks of clothes as she made her way to the checkout register. The last couple of days had made quite a difference on Asuka, thought when he'd asked what had happened inside her entry plug all he got in reply was that she'd come to terms with herself. She still slept in his bed, but the nightmares that had made her life so miserable had disappeared. Also, her mood had improved greatly; for the first time in a while Asuka seemed truly happy. And since he didn't have to worry about her so much, Shinji was feeling much better too.

Shinji picked up whatever she'd rejected off the floor, folded some of it and hung the rest over the door of one of the little stalls inside the changing room. By the time he was done, Asuka was waiting for him at the front of the store, holding some bags which she promptly pushed into his arms.

"Mein Gott, how can it be this hot this late in the year?" Asuka said as they walked outside, beyond the air-conditioned confines of the store and into the blazing sun.

"It's not just the heat—it's the humidity," Shinji explained. "All that water in the lakes, millions of cubic tons, gets stuck in the atmosphere—"

Asuka made an annoyed face. "Oh, shut up, Shinji. I was just making a comment." She looped her arm around his and led him down the street. For a brief second, Shinji's reflex caused him to tense against her touch. But unlike before, Asuka didn't seem the least bit upset about this and the sensation promptly evaporated.

"I'm just saying," Shinji shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah. I know all about the cycle of water. Don't get all smarmy with me just because you read some kid-level textbook. I've got a college degree, remember? Hey, you want something to drink? Hikari said there was a great place around here."

So that's where the idea for this little outing came from, Shinji thought. It shouldn't be a surprise, really. Asuka, as mature and intelligent as she might be, and as much as she wanted to be grown-up in her swimsuit, was still a teenage girl, and that meant gossip. Hikari was probably intent on hearing a full report the next time she met Asuka while they braided each other's hair, or painted their nails, or whatever girls did when they got together to talk about their dates. "Um, I dunno."

"Oh, come on," Asuka said, in her most high-pitched voice. "I refuse to be seen with such a boring dork. You don't want to be boring do you?"

He tried not to let her sly insistence convince him. "Guess not. But I still think we should go home. I'm supposed to make dinner, you know?" he said apologetically. "Of course, we can always let Misato cook."

"Yuck!" Asuka stuck out her tongue. "There's no way I'm eating that Bio-Weapon's grade sludge! It's a human rights violation!"

Shinji laughed, even if the joke was at Misato's expense. Over the last few months there had been so very few things to feel happy about—so much misery and destruction and death and anger—that he knew she wouldn't mind.

* * *

Misato slid open her bedroom door and finished zipping up her black cocktail dress. Shinji and Asuka looked up from their homework, which was scattered all over the living room table in books and notebooks. Actually, it was Shinji's homework; Asuka had volunteered to help but had found it much more amusing to tease him, twirling a pencil in her fingers while he scratched his against the paper incessantly, pointing out mistakes.

"You look … nice, Misato." Shinji was staring at her chest, exactly the effect the dress' designers had had in mind, no doubt.

Asuka mumbled something, and then quickly returned to pretending she was helping with Shinji's homework. And just to make sure Shinji did so too, she nudged him forcefully. "Divide the coefficient by the exponent after you add one to it, stupid, not before."

"Don't stay up too late, kids." Misato fought a smile. "I'll be out for a while. Asuka, make sure he finishes his homework."

"Yeah, yeah," Asuka said, not looking up. "Whatever. Shinji couldn't do integrals without me."

"Where are you going, anyway?" Shinji asked, now busily working on another math problem.

"Oh, just need to do some work related stuff," Misato explained. She had thought for a long while about what excuse to give them, but in the end decided the simplest explanation was the best.

Asuka snorted loudly. "Dressed like that, you must be moonlighting in a brothel."

"Jealous much?" Misato couldn't resist swinging her hips and striking a pose.

"Hardly."

Working out a wrinkle out of her dress, Misato said, "Well, just remember that oversized t-shirt you are wearing isn't so oversized on me."

Asuka looked down at herself. "I'm still growing," she piped up indignantly. "You, on the other hand, have nothing to look forward to except a loosing fight with gravity. Shinji was just staring out of shock at your utter lack of modesty. Tell her, Shinji."

Predictably, Shinji said nothing; Asuka punched him on the shoulder.

Misato rolled her eyes.

There had always been an element of friction in the way she and Asuka got along, but there just didn't seem to be any real malice to Asuka anymore. Certainly nothing like the way she'd been before and after her breakdown. Even when she was being difficult, or when she was calling Shinji names, there seemed to be a lightheartedness to her, as if she didn't expect any of the insults to be taken seriously. It was the kind of wisdom gained through great pain. She had grown a lot lately, and Shinji had grown with her, and seeing the two of them together was all she needed to remember why she was about to go do something that would change their lives.

She bid them a good night again.

The night was warm and humid, the last remnants of heavy rainfall hanging in the air as a thick wet mist. Clouds layered the sky so there was neither moon nor stars. The chant of the cicadas filled the air. As Misato climbed into her vintage Renault Alpine she opened the glove compartment and retrieved a large manila enveloped, which she placed on the passenger's seat. She also made sure to check her gun. She was hoping for the best, but there was no point in being foolhardy.

* * *

Asuka barely waited for Misato to leave before pouncing. She took Shinji's notebook away from him, throwing it aside, and in a burst of energy pushed down on his shoulders until she was pinning him to the ground besides the table. As a feeble protest escaped his lips, she climbed on top of him, straddling his waist and holding him down firmly. "You thought you'd get away with that, uh?"

Lying on his back like this, it was a miracle he could come up with anything at all to say. "Um, uh, what do you mean?"

"You drooling over her like that!"

Shinji swallowed nervously. He had to try hard to keep his eyes on hers and not let them wander. In this position her loose shirt hung of her body, revealing more pale skin that was normally visible, and for some reason the little hollow of her collarbone and her slender neck had become incredibly inviting.

"So?" Asuka demanded.

"So … what?" Shinji managed. His throat was suddenly dry.

"Is my body not good enough?"

Shinji shook his head as emphatically as he could, his cheeks a bright red with embarrassment. "Asuka, no. I wasn't—I was just looking!"

And just as he finished that sentence, Asuka's mouth curled into a sharp smile. "Idiot," she said. "Did you really think I'd let you look at another woman?"

"I wasn't looking!" Shinji backtracked, though he was catching up to Asuka's game. "Err, I mean—I wasn't looking like that. I just kinda noticed she had a nice dress."

"Would you rather it'd be me in that dress?" She shifted her weight onto one of his shoulders, freeing a hand, which she used to brush away locks of his dark hair from his forehead and then stroked his cheek. Her tone was soft and husky, her expression playful. "Or would you rather I'd be naked?"

Her hands were warm against the sensitive skin of his face, like Misato's had been. It felt so good. "Asuka, I'm …"

"I can tell." She placed two fingers over his lips. "Don't worry, I wont make you do anything you'll regret."

Then, noticing his eyes widening in recognition, Asuka answered the unasked question. "Yeah, I heard you talking to Misato last night. Now listen, she was right about some things. I used to be afraid of you—not you personally, but of the way you made me feel. And I used to be afraid of those feelings. I never wanted to hurt you—I think that I wanted to hurt myself through you. I couldn't understand. I wanted you to look at me. I wanted you to see me, the real me, the me that's always been hurt and ignored. I wanted you to break through. I wanted to be held by you, but you were such a dolt and when you wouldn't do any of those things I thought I hated you. But really I was just hating myself."

"Asuka--"

She pressed her fingers more firmly against his lips. He fell quiet.

"Listen, Shinji." Asuka bent down low, bringing her own lips so close to his ear that he could feel her breath ticking him. "Misato told you that you would never know what I wanted. I will tell you, right here and right now. All I want—all I will ever, ever, want is you. As long as I can have that I will be happy. And I know that one day when we are old I will loose you, but you will still be a part of me. You will be part of every good feeling, and every happy moment. I've figured it out. I can love now and not hate myself for it, and not worry about loosing you."

There was no way to express how touched he was by Asuka's words, so Shinji simply wrapped his arms around her and drew her close to him.

It was like the night when they had kissed on the balcony; he didn't feel uncomfortable at all. In that moment he realized that words were not necessary. Asuka was pouring out her heart to him and all he had to do was listen, and understand. He felt her relaxing in his embrace, melting against him, secure in the warmth of his loving tenderness.

Neither said anything for a while, both of them simply enjoyed the moment. Then, just when Shinji had gotten used to the silence and the steady beat of their two hearts through the thin materials of their shirts, Asuka finally said, "So, ah, Misato's gonna be out for a while. We can … you know. If you want."

Shinji blinked. Was she suggesting that they—"Only if you want."

Asuka stirred, tucking in her arms under her, snuggling her head against the crook of Shinji's neck. It was a rather docile position to be in, something that couldn't be said often about the Second Child. To Shinji it seemed that she was placing herself completely in his hands, and whatever he might do was fine with her.

She was trusting him.

* * *

Nakayima had arranged to meet his man in a bar just off the main highway running between Tokyo-3 and the nearby town of Hakone just after midnight. It was fairly well traveled place, with a large neon sign on the front that demanded attention. It figured that this Sato would want to meet in a public place, and Misato had offered no objection for the same reason. A public place meant fair safety. Nobody, not even the Americans, would dare try anything if there were witnesses involved. And it always worked in every mobster and spy movie she could recall. Real life seldom imitated art, but when it did it was nice to have a blueprint to follow. She could probably get them seated by a window too. 

Misato parked her car on the building's front. She climbed off with the envelope and slipped her gun into her purse—the heavy USP 9 took up most of the space—and was careful to avoid a nearby puddle. She made sure to iron out the wrinkles in her dress, after all there was a reason she'd picked such a revealing outfit: it would create the illusion that she was unarmed and exposed. But it also meant she couldn't carry a weapon holstered on her person.

As she walked along the sidewalk, heels clicking on the concrete, she noticed with a frown that there was someone sitting in one of the cars parked across the street, and the car, a black sedan, had government tags.

Looks like Mr. Sato has a backup, she thought.

Nakayima had said that he had agreed to come alone, but Misato hadn't really believed he would. Nakayima was bringing Miko, and with Misato, Sato was outnumbered and outgunned, and he had no more reason to trust them than they did. It was a little reassuring, actually, to see that the guy was not stupid.

What she knew of Echelon didn't exactly inspire confidence. Largely a SIGINT outfit monitoring communications at the end of the 20th Century, they had been re-formed as the West's most secretive Intelligence group. Second Impact had brought a fundamental change in American foreign relations: rather than trying to be the world's sole superpower, she became focused on the so-called America First policy. When she surrendered most of her surface fleet to the UN, most people saw that as a sign of weakness. But the people who knew recognized those acts for what they were. America was consolidating, ridding herself of the cumbersome fat of military hegemony, and what emerged was a powerful economy, largely untouched by world events and even the massive casualties of Second Impact, fed by genetically engineered crops and livestock, and a compact, highly-specialized military force.

And while it was true that there was no room in the Post-Second Impact world for wasteful military interventions, when warlords in troublesome countries talked about English-speaking boogie-men coming to get them, they meant Echelon and they didn't even know it. Echelon sat above the fray, never engaging directly, like a Roman general commanding from behind the battle-line, but planning missions, issuing orders. SFOD-D and SOCOM did all the dirty work when it was required and got all the glory and the bad press; Echelon was never mentioned, almost as if they didn't really exist.

They were the best at what they did, but Misato was going to meet with them and get them to do what she wanted.

Nakayima and Miko were waiting for her at the entrance. Misato felt a pang of nostalgia when she saw them together, remembering how Kaji and her used to spend whole nights out on the town. He was dressed casually, sneakers, jeans and a collared shirt—and it was the first time she ever saw him out of his stuffy uniform. He was handsome, she couldn't lie to herself. Another place and another time there might have been something there, but not now. Miko looked like an experienced clubber: short skirt, makeup, and heels.

"Hello, Major," Nakayima greeted, waving her over.

"No ranks tonight, Nakayima," Misato replied. "Got that, Miko?"

The slender blonde nodded. "Yes, ah … Miss Katsuragi."

"Misato please," Misato corrected, then, turning to Nakayima said, "You noticed our friend across the parking lot?"

To his credit, he did not try to look. "Yep. Backup. Makes sense, doesn't it?"

"That's what I thought."

"Well, Americans are nothing if not cautious," Nakayima shrugged his shoulders. "Should we go inside?"

"You can spot the guy, so I'll be right behind you."

Nakayima had no objection to this, and led the way. Inside the bar was dark and almost empty; there was no music playing only the clanging of glasses and bottles being passed around. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes was in the air. He looked around, carefully scanning the faces on the tables and booths and finally picked a direction towards the rear. They ended up sitting across a short Japanese man, wearing a suit. He looked like the sort who would blend in anywhere, and aside from his clear gray-green eyes would have been indistinct from the hordes of salarymen everywhere around Japan.

"Major Katsuragi, it's so nice to meet you," Sato rose to his feet and shook Misato's hand. "My name is Hidetoshi Sato, but I'm sure Junichi has already told you that."

Misato nodded. "Very nice to meet you."

"And this lovely lady?" Sato asked, looking Miko over.

"Miko Mineguno," Nakayima said, "she the guardian of the girl I mentioned before."

"Oh yes, terrible thing that. I gather our Unit-08 had something to do with it. No offense, Major, but these Evangelion are dreadful things."

Misato was not about to disagree, but she had more important things to discuss. "Lets get down to it, shall we?"

"Very well," Sato sat back on his chair, fixing his eyes squarely on Misato as the three of them took their seats across from him. "From what I understand, you want to offer me a deal. An offer I can't refuse, I suppose? I have to admit I did not expect that you would come. Why would you? You yourself have nothing to gain. My deal was for Nakayima and the girls."

Misato met his gaze with steely resolve. "I want another deal. I want asylum for myself, the Second Child, and the Third Child."

He laughed disbelievingly. "Major Katsuragi, NERV will never let the children go."

Misato's expression hardened. "I don't care about what NERV will or wont do. I am telling you what I want. And in exchange I will tell you everything I know. Yes. That is what you wanted to talk to me in the first place, right? Even thought, as you said, it was Nakayima who wanted a deal. I supposed you were ready to make concessions to him, so you can do the same thing for me."

"Still, six people for one testimony doesn't seem fair," Sato said.

Misato placed her manila envelope on the table. "Five people."

Sato had a amusedly puzzled look as he took the envelope and opened it, slipping its contents on the table.

Asuka's passport.

"The Second Child is an American citizen," Misato said firmly. "And under the Post-Impact Constitution of 2006 and the Rice Act, she is entitled to refugee status if she so requests it, and the protection of the American military. Those are your own laws, Mr. Sato."

Sato picked up the passport, holding it up to the light to examine its watermark. "Why not just go to the embassy?"

"You know why," Nakayima interrupted. "The least useful thing in this sort of situation is diplomatic red tape. And it takes time. When the government finds out what our intentions are they will not hesitate to go after the children."

The American pressed his lips together, seeming to consider this new information. "America will, of course, honor her responsibility to her citizen. And if you provide information, then we will take care of you—no bureaucracy, no red tape. The Third Child is a different issue."

"The Third Child will go or there is no deal. You have no idea how important that is." Misato leaned forward. "Shinji means the world to me. He is the reason for this little meeting and this deal."

For a moment, Sato seemed to lower his guard. "I know. I have a son too. You position is not a very enviable one, I'll grant you that."

"Then you know what it feels like to fear for those you love, to want to protect them."

"It is still not enough. My superiors will never be able to justify it." He shook his head. "Taking the Second Child out of the equation, moves like this need be measured in what we have to gain versus what we have to loose. To begin with, it won't be easy to do what you ask, overtly or covertly. I need more to work with here."

Misato drew her eyebrows together. "Then what else do you want?"

He seemed to consider that for a moment. It was merely a dramatic pause as far as Misato was concerned. He wouldn't have come here without already knowing what he wanted. Whether he was attempting to size her up or just test her patience, she couldn't tell. "Your testimony," he said, "and the children's."

"No. Absolutely not." Misato pointed a stern finger at him. "I will not have those children interrogated!"

Sato quickly countered, "It would be more like a debriefing."

"Listen," Nakayima interrupted, "I really don't think it's a good idea to put these children through anything like that. I've seen what happens when they pilot the Evangelion … all that pain, all that anger. The whole point of this is to spare them. And you want to stick in them in a room with a cot and a table and ask them questions day and night?"

"I won't let Keiko be interrogated either," Miko said.

"It would be a waste of your time anyway," Misato said, still angry. "They are just pilots, child soldiers. What could you possibly want to learn from them? Your engineers have built and tested Evangelions, you even got rid of Unit-08 because it was too much of a liability, right? So then what?"

"We are not interested in the Evangelion in the same terms you are, we are interested in the people behind it. We want to know what it is, and where the hell it came from. We want the truth."

"Liar." Finally, it all made sense to Misato. "The truth has no relevance to you people. You want to destroy the UN. I can sympathize with that, but not by gambling with my loved ones. You want to prove to the world what piloting the Evangelion does to people because of how much the UN has invested in it and supported it. It would make them look like murderers and war criminals, correct? And since you gave up yours, it would make you look like you care, like you are unwilling to risk lives for power. Trust me, I can provide you with more dirt on the UN than you can imagine. All the way back to Second Impact. There is no need to get the children involved. And there is no need to lie because you don't think I'd agree with your motives."

"Men lie for many reasons," Sato said. "How can I be sure that you are not the liar? How can I be sure that everything you have told me is not just a bluff? After all, we did agree to come alone, didn't we?"

"So much for trust, I guess. We saw your man outside." Nakayima said.

Sato frowned and looked around the table. "What are you talking about? I came alone. I thought he was yours. Only Section 2 can be that obvious."

A sudden chill ran down Misato's spine and she felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She exchanged a horrified look with Nakayima. He knew it too. "Ah, shit!"

They were on their feet and rushing for the exit, Miko hurrying behind them.

The black sedan was still parked across the parking lot when they came out. Misato wasn't going to take any chances; she reached into her purse for her gun. As soon as they emerged from the bar, however, the sedan's powerful engine roared to life and its headlights ignited. They had been spotted.

"Miko, get down!" Nakayima yelled, pushing her behind the nearest car for cover. He was not armed himself.

Misato cursed him and lined up her weapon.

The sedan rushed past them, tires squealing as it turned into a tight arch. She fired. The rounds hit, she heard them pining as the jacketed slugs penetrated the thin metal of the car's body. One of its taillights shattered, the sedan sped into the distance. The gun clicked empty.

"Lets go," Misato spat. "We'll take my car."

Nakayima nodded, helping Miko to her feet. "Miko, stay here. You'll be safe with Sato."

"No." She refused to let go of him. "If you go, I go with you."

They didn't have time for this. Whoever it was on that car had been after them, and they were going to get away. Somehow they had been found out, and Misato had to know by whom and what they intended. There was only one way to be sure. She was already opening her car door when Sato grasped her arm and called for her to stop. "What?" she demanded.

"Think about what you are doing. This was a surveillance op," he said matter-of-factly. "If they had been after any of you, they would have shot you before you came in. Or when you came out."

Nakayima growled, "Nobody knew we'd be here!" He was pale, but the protective way he was holding on to Miko told Misato it wasn't himself he was scared for. "Just the four of us!"

"They tapped your phones, or your laptops, or something. Whatever it was, they wanted to keep an eye on you, but they weren't after you."

They all looked at each other.

Ironically, it was Miko who was quickest at voicing the most obvious question. "Then what were they after?"

Misato knew the answer immediately. She knew it. She could feel it in her heart, and suddenly she was more frightened than she had ever felt in her entire life. It was a sickening thing squirming inside of her, making her insides feel like acid; it was the knowledge that in trying to protect whom she loved she had left them on their own.

Upon seeing the look of anguish on her face Nakayima said, "Major?"

She ignored him. Frantically, she tossed her gun into the car and dialed on her cell phone, her hands shaking as held it to her ear.

The phone rang.

Please answer, she thought desperately. Please. Please.

The phone was still ringing. Without realizing it, she sniffled. She lifted a hand to cover her face, fearing she would suddenly start crying from the sudden overflow of powerful emotion. Slowly, she felt her heart sinking. Every mechanical ring seemed to destroy a little more of everything she loved.

Please …

"Hello?"

Misato's heart swelled with joy at the sound of Shinji's sleepy voice. "Shinji! Are you okay?"

"Uh?" He was clearly confused. "Yeah. Why?"

"I think you might be in danger. I want you to get Asuka and leave the apartment. Turn out all the lights and lock the door behind you. Go to a different floor and find a place to hide. Take your phone with you. I'll call you when I get there."

"Misato, what's going on?" Shinji said, his voice sounded scared now. An echo of Misato's own distressed tone.

"Just do what I'm telling you!" She hadn't meant to yell at him, and quickly added a soft, "Please."

"Okay."

"Be safe," she told him. "Don't be afraid. I'll protect you and Asuka."

"I know."

That was a vote of confidence Misato was not sure she deserved. "I have to go now," she told Sato, and barely had time to register his accenting nod before she had squeezed behind the steering wheel. She turned the key as the passenger side door swung open. She opened her mouth to protest, but Miko was already climbing into the back seat. Nakayima dropped onto the passenger seat, slamming the door shut behind him.

"We are coming with you," Nakayima said. "If you are right and someone is going after the children, you are going to be needing help. You got a weapon I can borrow?"

Misato thought about blaming him; this had been his idea; he was the one who worked for the government; he was the one who was most likely to have let something slip. She could blame him easily, tell him to get out of the car and get lost. But the look of worry on his face dissuaded her. He didn't have to offer to come with her or to help her, and yet there he was. This wasn't the time for blame.

"There's a shotgun behind the back seat," she said and jammed the car into gear.

* * *

"Miko, stay in the car. I'm serious." Nakayima climbed back from between the two front seats, Misato's twelve-gauge pump-action shotgun in his hands. He jumped out of the parked Alpine and ran to join the Major at the base of the stairs. She had her gun ready, a fresh clip in the stock.

"Lets go," she said.

She led the way, taking the steps as fast as she could. Nakayima followed closely behind her, but after the first couple of floors he was panting. Misato's legs were burning. She sucked it up, fueled by adrenaline and fear for her loved ones. When they got to the right floor she backed herself up against the nearest wall and scanned the darkened hallway. Everything seemed normal. She moved alongside the wall, keeping her back to it, and holding her gun in front of her with both hands.

As they got to her door, she covered one side and Nakayima the other. She looked at him, saw that he was ready and swiped her keycard on the lock. The door opened silently.

In the time it had taken to get here several scenarios had come to Misato's mind. The problem was that she didn't know what to expect. It could be nothing, it could be one guy with a handgun, or it could be an entire squad of MOI gunmen. There was no doubt in her mind the Japanese government was behind this. If Sato could be trusted, it sure wasn't the Americans, and it certainly was not NERV. She had decided on the tactical approach for two reasons: even if there was nobody waiting on the other side of that door she had to be careful—getting killed wouldn't help the children any—and if there was someone in there it would maximize the chances of them making it alive.

Nakayima went in first. In such close quarters the shells from his shotgun were far deadlier than any other weapon. Misato expected the dark to flare up with gunfire as soon as they crossed the threshold. At least she wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that she had failed miserably. That was the truth. She expected to die.

She took a deep breath and followed Nakayima into the dark.

And …

Nothing.

They cleared the kitchen, moving around the table. She placed a hand on the back of his left shoulder to help him navigate. Rather than hitting the lights they moved to the living room. Misato covered him as he opened her bedroom door and swept the shotgun around it. He called that it was clear and they moved down to Shinji and Asuka's.

Those were clear too. Then the balcony.

Clear.

Misato breathed a huge sign of relief. Feeling slightly better about the whole things she walked back outside as Nakayima started turning on lights and dialed Shinji's cell phone.

"Misato?" Shinji answered immediately.

"Yeah, it's me. Where are you?"

The next voice she heard much sharper and higher than Shinji's, a girl's voice. "Hey, give me that—" There was a loud noise, like something hitting the mouthpiece "What the hell is going on, Misato?" Asuka demanded.

It didn't take a genius to figure out she had just snatched the phone away from Shinji.

"Asuka, I'm outside the apartment. Where are you?"

"Next floor," she said. "The stairs."

Misato trotted over and climbed the first set of stairs. Once on the landing between floors she looked up. Shinji was sitting on the last step clutching Pen-Pen in his arms; Asuka was standing at the top, the cell phone still in her hands.

She finally let down her guard the moment she saw them, and in doing so realized she was emotionally depleted. But at the same time she was so glad that they were safe. She climbed the remaining steps slowly, feeling her legs complain all the way, and before she even knew she would do so had drawn them both in a hug. Shinji leaned into her silently; Asuka groaned a protest but did not struggle to pull away.

* * *

Shinji watched Asuka but she didn't seem to be looking at anything, just staring at space. It had taken all of fifteen minutes for Misato to explain what she thought was happening. Shinji and Asuka, whose irritation at being taken out of bed had vanished, had listened to her carefully for most of it. Only Misato spoke, and that left a strange sort of vacuum as she paused routinely to gather her scattered thoughts. The atmosphere was grim, almost as if someone had died or been hurt, and the silence didn't help matters much.

"You are being paranoid," Asuka said, blinking to focus her eyes on Misato as she neared the end of her story. "You are probably overreacting as usual."

The three roommates had crowded into the kitchen taking chairs on different sides of the table. Nakayima and Miko stood leaning against one of the wooden counters. He wasn't all too happy about having strangers in the apartment, but given the suddenness of the situation it seemed like a useless thing to worry about. Asuka hadn't even deemed it worthwhile to acknowledge their presence.

"It's not paranoia," Misato explained. She seemed worn out, exhausted eve.

Misato obviously believed that they had been in danger. It still didn't make much sense to Shinji: why would the Japanese government be trying to cause them harm? They were on the same side. They needed NERV to defeat the Angels or there wouldn't be anything to prevent Third Impact.

Asuka was thinking right along that same logic. "But they need us."

"You are a weapon that no one but NERV can control," Nakayima said. It was the first time he'd spoken tonight. "And people, specially people with power, always fear what they can't control."

"And getting to you is the only way to get to the Eva," Misato explained wearily. "Even if they wanted to take on NERV, they had to know it'd be doomed from the start because they have no weapons to counted the Evangelion. Even with an entire Armored Division."

Asuka turned her head to Nakayima. "And who the hell are you anyway?"

"I'm A--"

He stared but Misato interrupted him. "A friend."

"But, Misato ... " Shinji curled up more tightly in his chair, looking down at his knees instead of her. "Why would they want to take on NERV?"

Misato leaned towards him, stretching out her hand on the table as if to take his before realizing that there was nothing there. "They have never liked us," she said. "They only put up with us because we can defeat the Angels."

"So what can we do?" he asked her.

Misato took a long time to answer. Her expression was one of sadness, and Shinji knew that she was going to say something that would cause them a great deal of pain. She signed heavily, shoulders sinking. "Here isn't safe for you anymore. We have to leave."

Asuka sprang onto her feet, her chair clattered loudly to the ground.

"I am not going anywhere!" she bellowed at Misato, slamming her hands on the table and leaning over it threateningly. "You don't even know what's going on and you want us to leave everything behind? I won't! I won't leave Unit-02!"

Misato sighed, but either from guilt or shame kept her eyes away. "Asuka ... "

"You are just guessing, aren't you?" Asuka screamed, showing her teeth. "You don't really know anything! You think we are in danger! You think you know better! But you don't KNOW! What the hell kinda guardian are you?"

Swallowing that almost seemed to make Misato gag, but she said nothing. She just took it. However, Miko moved forward, an angry glare fixed onto her face.

"How dare you!" she told Asuka as Nakayima took grasped her arm to restrain her. "Major Katsuragi is trying to protect you because she cares about you! After what you did to Keiko you don't even deserve that!"

"Miko," Nakayima said soothingly.

Furious, Asuka rounded on her. "You don't know anything about me, so don't speak about something you don't know about! I've never asked her to protect me, I can look after myself!"

"I know all I need to!" Miko retorted red-faced. She now had Nakayima's arms fully around her. "You almost killed my girl. You ruined her life. And even when someone is trying to protect you, you just throw it back on her face! What more do I need to know? What more proof do I need that you are a horrible human being? You don't deserve to have someone who cares about ... you don't deserve anybody!"

Asuka clenched her fists and took a step--

"I'm not going anywhere either," Shinji said softly.

Every pair of eyes in the room turned to him. He kept his own low and, as if needing to hear himself say it once again to become convinced that the words had actually been spoken out loud, repeated more resolutely, "I'm not going anywhere either."

Misato rose slowly, tiredly, from her chair and paced a hand on his shoulder. He tried not to let their eyes meet, fearful of loosing his resolve.

"Shinji, if you stay, I don't know how I could protect you," she said softly.

"This is the first place that's really felt like home. Leaving it would be like leaving a part of me behind, like loosing something I don't want to loose. I don't want to run from the one place where I've felt even a little bit of happiness."

Out of the periphery of his vision he noticed Asuka had turned fully to face him. Shinji allowed himself a glance at her and saw that the anger that had twisted her face a moment ago was gone and what remained was the pretty girl that had taken his heart. Their blue eyes locked onto one another; her lips parted slightly as if she might say something, but didn't. He loved to see her like that, caught off-guard. He loved the openness that her sharp features could display when he did or said something that she hadn't expected, when she relaxed with him, when she slept. Misato could try to convince him if she really wanted, and he knew that it would only be out of caring; she could tell him it was for the best and for their own safety, and she would probably be absolutely right.

For that reason Shinji avoided her eyes. He knew he would agree with her and he didn't want to, because the only thing that mattered to him was Asuka.

And Asuka wanted to stay.

Recognizing a lost cause, Misato sighed and straightened. "I will have Section 2 tighten the perimeter around the apartment," she said to no one in particular. "I'll give orders that they are not to let you out of their sight, and they'll be authorized to use deadly force if your safety is at risk."

She turned to Asuka. "I really hope you are right and I'm being paranoid. But please be careful. If you notice anything strange at school or anywhere, please let Section 2 know. I don't want anything to happen to the two of you."

Even Asuka did not have the heart to argue with Misato's concerned tone and just nodded.

Misato seemed to considered that, at least, as a small victory.

"You two are gonna have to take the train," she said to Nakayima and Miko, who, like Asuka, had calmed down and appeared more tired than angry. "Sorry."

* * *

"It is not a very effective way to run my department," Mushashi Kluge said coldly, exhaling in a cloud of cigarette smoke. "This is not the sort of thing one simply puts together for the sake of exercise. Men and equipment have to be mustered, prepped, and then there is matter of the actual operation. Everyone knows to expect danger. They expect action, a chance to satiate their bloodlust. What they do not expect is to be called off for the flimsiest reasoning. And, of course, it makes the leadership, that is me, seem indecisive. And a man in my position can not afford that."

Ritsuko remained still. "A small price to pay for the souls of children."

"We would not have killed them, if at all possible I would have like to meet them." Kluge took one of the small glasses, which was filled with ice and dark liquor, from the limousine's bar and handed it to her. "As I explained, it would have been better. I am not prepared to make an arrangement for their lives at any further stage. To be honest, I think you have just condemned them to certain death.

Hesitating slightly, Ritsuko took and offered glass and drank. The liquor, some kind of aromatic whisky, was good, but it didn't ease her mind. "We'll see. I have already guaranteed the Evangelion's non-commitment as a defensive measure. As long as you follow the plan it will not be an issue. Arrangements can always be changed."

"And often they can not. Specially not in the midst and chaos of battle. There are guarantees I can make. There are some that I can not. And there are some I will not. Like you, I have superiors to answer to."

"Justification," Ritsuko repeated. "I would take that to mean you don't yet have what you need?"

"The software footprint is ready. I have what I need. The evidence has simply not been presented yet. Once I do …"

Ritsuko fully understood what he meant. Once the ISSDF computers had broken down the Emerald Tablet's footprint that Maya had stolen and she had provided, and matched it what the UN had recovered from Beijing there would be no doubt as to NERV's complicity in the catastrophe. There would be no realistic way to uphold the Special Protection Order which had defended it from the circling vultures, nor would there be any way to question the evidence. The Emerald Tablet was unique, its algorithmic structure more complex than just about any other on the planet, and it was as readily identifiable as human DNA.

"Once you do, Gendo Ikari will now what betrayal feels like."

* * *

Asuka let her hands relax besides her, the humid night air clung to her skin and made her clothes like a damp towel. Having Shinji always willing to listen had made her forget how hard it could be talking to someone you didn't want to talk to. She had promptly stepped outside just after Nakayima and Miko departed and found them waiting for the elevator, still in each other's secure embrace.

"Excuse me," Asuka called. She tried to sound as pleasant as she could, but her voice still came out rather grating.

Nakayima and Miko turned. And Asuka, the proud Second Child, found that she could not meet Miko's eyes and dropped her gaze to the floor. "I …" she started without knowing what she wanted to say. "I never meant to hurt Nagara. I didn't like her, but I didn't mean … I didn't mean for what happened."

Those words hurt but she swallowed her pride, like a grown-up should.

"Is that supposed to be an apology?" Miko said.

"No. It's not an apology." Somehow, Asuka managed to bring up her gaze and fix it squarely on the blonde. Such a personal gesture required an incredible amount of strength. "I don't think what I did to her can be forgiven."

Miko laughed disbelievingly. "She's already forgiven you."

Suddenly, in the warm night, Asuka felt a cold hand grip her heart. How could Keiko Nagara forgive her, who had hurt her so badly? How could anybody do that? If their roles had been reversed--if it where Asuka in the hospital bed brutally injured while Keiko went around finding a love and living her life--she would have hated the girl forever.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Miko shrugged. "All she said was she didn't want to live with that burden."

Asuka thought about that. Hating someone was definitely a burden. It pushed down on your chest until you felt like you couldn't breath, like your life simply stopped having meaning and your only purpose was to hate. She had always thought that she disliked Keiko because she was weak and fragile, but now she realized that she had disliked her because she was a much better person than herself. Keiko had been willing to forgive where she had just wanted to hate.

But her love for Shinji had changed that.

"Tell her," Asuka said, "that I didn't mean for what happened."

Miko appeared surprised. "Why don't you tell her yourself?"

Asuka shook her head. Maybe one day she would, she decided. One day when she had managed to find that kind of courage; when her heart, which had only very recently been set free, could accept forgiveness without having to surrender so much of her pride, and without felling shame.

Until then she would live with the knowledge of what she had done.

Miko didn't seem to require any more of an explanation and nodded. Her expression softened, as if to say that she understood at lease part of Asuka's reasons and it was okay.

"If you ever decide to," she said, "I think Keiko would welcome you."

Asuka watched them take the elevator to the ground floor. As they disappeared behind the closing doors she sighed, and let the weight of guilt roll off her slumping shoulders. She stood there for a moment, then lifted her head and strode back to the apartment.

* * *

The office of the Minister of the Interior was large, decorated by large windows located behind a huge polished wood desk. The walls were bare except for several bookcases, all full of tomes of law and treatises on political theory. A huge clock-like pendulum hung in the middle, tracing a slow inverted arch in the air and ticking away. In the office it sound rather ominous. Kluge knew that was the intended effect, to make a visitor or an opponent feel as if their very lives, the very time on which they lived, depended on the heavy-set bureaucrat sitting behind the desk. Intimidation was everything in politics these days.

However, Kluge found the clock contraption amusing. Real power required no such things because it was self-evident. Power, in and of itself, was the only validation of a man's stature, and it should be acknowledged as such without the need for artificial machinery.

The Minister looked up from the report he had been examining, his face troubled. The idiot, Kluge thought. He would have to do what all politicians hated doing: take responsibility

"So it's true then," the Minister said. "All this time ..."

"Directive 21 is still feasible. It has been modified to allow for certain changes in the situation, but it remains the most effective way to deal with this."

"I can't. Even if the Special Protection Order is removed, NERV personnel remains largely civilian. They have families, who would surely not let any such thing slide. No, we need to bring Gendo Ikari in lawfully."

Kluge had known that was coming. "Given the severity of the evidence, NERV is now a terrorist organization. When the Security Council reviews my report they will agree. You can present the Directive at an Emergency Meeting as a Special Action Order, and they will also agree, freeing us to do as we should have months ago."

"You don't understand," the Minister seemed pale. "I am the one who will be help responsible when piles of bodies from NERV employees show up on the news. You work in the shadows, nobody knows your name, but me … I need votes, and that means public opinion."

"It would have come to this had we acted accordingly when we had the chance. It is time to do what needs to be done for the sake of our national safety. If Gendo Ikari chooses to unleash the Evangelion on us there is not much we can do to stop it. The level of destruction he can cause would be immense. We to move to neutralize that thread as soon as possible. How would the public react if they knew you had allowed such a thing to happen, when it could have been prevented by acting against the terrorist who would perpetrate that act? "

The Minister considered this silently, then said, "What about the civilians in the city?"

"We are acquainted with NERV's emergency procedures. So are Tokyo-3 residents. Once the breach is made, we will secure the shelters and evacuate all non-combatants from the battle zone. I also have other assets on the ground, deep inside Ikari's hierarchy."

"It will be a mess, no matter what we do."

"In time the country will thank you for making this tough decision," Kluge said. "However, if we fail to act now there is no telling what might happen. The fate of everyone will be out of our hands and in those of a madman who has never even hesitated to send his own son into danger, and who is responsible for more destruction that the enemies he professes to fight. NERV is rotten from the inside. All we need to do is kick down the door."

The Minister rose out of his chair and turned to the window. The bright light flooded the office, making him appear outlined. Even this effect, Kluge recognized, was meant to intimidate.

"I want guarantees that this will not get out of hand," the minister said. "I want you people on a tight leash. Only as much force as required to achieve your objectives. You are professional, so no screw-ups. I will take the blame for this either way, but I do not have to tell you what will happen to your department if you fail. I will not face the hangman alone."

"Very well." Compromise was the kernel of diplomacy. If things went according to plan, he need not worry about any idle threats. Lorenz Keel had made it very clear what his ultimate objective was, and that made everything else completely irrelevant.

The poet Eliot would be proven wrong; the world would indeed end with a bang.

* * *

To be continued … 


End file.
